I held my hand to my chest, like it really held his kiss. I was elated from the time with them, and I missed them already. I missed their hugs, their laughter, their playfulness... their sanctuary. I missed Minhyuk so much more than I would have expected. Jun put his hand on my arm and asked if I had a good time. I could not hold back the huge smile that formed on my face. It was like a fairytale, I told him. It was the best night of my life so far, and I'd had some pretty good nights in my time.
The ride to the lobby took me further and further away from Minhyuk and I could feel it physically. I couldn't explain it. I especially missed how comfortable we had been together. There was a chemistry between us, I hate that term, but it was exactly right. It was like he had known me for as long as I had "known" him. I wondered if he had felt it too. I missed all of them. They felt like family and that is something I had been missing in my life for a long time.
When I got back to my room, I showered and got ready for bed. I could still smell Minhyuk's scent on my shirt from our hugs, so I put it on Minggom and hugged him to my face. I propped up on the fluffy pillows and settled my laptop on my legs, Ming by my side. I transferred all the photos from the evening from my camera to my computer, and then scrolled through each one, treasuring each memory. There was one in particular that got my attention. Minhyuk was looking at me like I was the only one in the room. It was a sexy, yet sweet expression and it made my butterflies act up. I saved this one as my new phone wallpaper. I dreamt of Minhyuk when I finally slept.
Jun and I spent the next couple of days hitting some of the spots on my list. There was so much to see and so little time! I only had a little over a week left and wasn't even close to halfway through. One morning when Jun picked me up, he told me he had to stop by the company before we started our itinerary for the day. Apparently, there was something I needed to sign for the contest. He apologized for the delay, but I was excited about the possibility of seeing Minhyuk... even if it would have been just a sighting this time. Would he wave and smile if he saw me? Would he even remember me? I sighed and settled into my seat.
Jun parked the black sedan in the garage and opened the door for me. I was looking at every person around me, hoping for a glimpse. We were in a hallway, and I thought I saw him rounding the corner and my heart skipped a beat, but it was just one of the trainees with a similar hair color. Once I saw him more fully, I felt silly because he was not the same height or build. I felt my heart sink a bit.
We arrived at an office, and I was instructed to have a seat at a large conference table. A woman entered with a folder, I stood to bow and greet her. She bowed, smiled, and sat down across from me. She introduced herself and explained that there was a bonus part to my prize that had not been revealed, and she needed me to sign a confidentiality agreement agreeing that I would not share anything that I saw, heard, or otherwise became aware of while I was there. I had some questions, but she seemed a bit evasive in her answers. The smart-mature-businesswoman Me knew to read the contract first, but the fangirl-who-just-realized-she-was-going-to-see-Minhyuk-again Me just took the pen and signed. Score 1:0, hormones for the win!
She took the papers and with another bow, disappeared. I just sat there stunned. So many questions were going through my mind, not the least of which was how did this even happen? A moment later, Jun came back into the room, grinning from ear-to-ear. I teased him for not telling me, but he was just following orders. He escorted me to another room, which turned out to be a photo studio.
Jun and I were the only ones in the room at that moment. I asked him if I could look around before everyone came in. He nodded that I could. I went to the equipment first to see what they were using. As a professional photographer, the equipment setup and overall feel of the set met my approval. The props on the other hand, left a bit to be desired. The placement seemed a little awkward and staged. I mean, they were staged, but they should look natural. I reached out to move something and Jun cleared his throat and gave me a quick shake of the head. I stepped back quickly and bumped into someone behind me. It was a staff member that I had met the other night. I bowed, apologized, and went to sit down.
I heard voices in the hallway. I heard Minhyuk's voice in the hallway. I stopped breathing for a moment and had to make myself inhale. My heart was pounding in my ribcage. My palms were sweating. I was feeling a bit dizzy... yep, it felt like a panic attack was on the way. I took a deep breath through my nose, held it, and exhaled slowly through my nose. I was about to do it again, but Minhyuk entered the room. I expected my heart to explode, but suddenly I felt calm. My heart was still pounding, but I was no longer in danger. It was the opposite effect than I expected. Seeing him had in fact calmed me down, which had never happened before.
They entered the room, and it was like a scene from a drama where the lead actor walks in slow motion and the wind is blowing his hair... F4 anyone? It was a glorious site, and I still could not believe they were truly in front of me, not just photos on my phone. Minhyuk's hair was now a little darker, sort of a chestnut brown and the color looked great on him.
Minhyuk's face lit up when he saw me and he ran to me, "Noona! You are here!" he picked me up and spun me around. The others crowded in and joined the celebration. I could not believe this was happening. That seemed to be a running theme of this vacation. So many things happened that did not seem possible, but I was not going to question it.
Their concept was 'first date", and it was a Monbebe killer for sure. They wore jeans, button up shirts, and casual jackets in tones of rich browns and deep blues. They had wildflower bouquets wrapped with ribbon as props. Hyungwon's hair was long, black, and magnificent. I caught myself staring until Min put his hand on my back and got my attention. He was pouting and could not help but laugh. I said "sorry, but he is beautiful." He smiled at me with that devastating smile and his slow winky blink, "more than me?" I shook my head and mouthed 'no' because I had no breath to form a word. He winked at me and went to take his place on the set. I reached out to grab the nearest stationary object to keep from falling over.
They were doing a shoot for the next comeback. They each knew how to pose to highlight their own best features and tempt Monbebes. It may have been my imagination, but I think Minhyuk's expressions were sexier and more sensual than any I had seen before in his photos. The set was like a café and the viewer was their companion.
As they were doing individual and unit shots, Minhyuk sat with me on the couch. He stretched his arm out along the back and turned towards me, one leg on the cushion. He took my hand in his and looked at me. He opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. I smiled at him and asked him what he wanted to say. He acted a bit shy, lowering his face and smiling that adorable smile. He kept his head down and caressed the back of my hand with his thumb, "Noona..." he smiled bigger and looked up at me, "I set this up. I wanted to see you again. I hope you are not upset." My hand was tingling from the contact, and his words made my heart flutter. I almost choked on the air. I am sure my eyes were about to pop out.
"What... you... what?" I lost all cognitive ability for a moment and stammered. He just kept smiling at me, waiting for me to actually say words. "You wanted to see... me?" I asked, incredulously.
"Yes, I wanted to see you. I have wanted to find you since last year. I finally found you and I am not ready to lose you again." This wasn't possible. This had to be one of those crazy dreams I have about him sometimes where he falls madly in love with me, and we run away together. But it felt too real to be a dream. "Can I see you again before you go back? I mean, will you have coffee with me? Or Gongcha? Or dinner? Or all of the above?"
"Can we do that? Are you allowed to do that?" At least I was making complete statements, however weak they may have been.
"Of course, I can. We just need to be a little cautious. I don't want to start any rumors that might affect you." He was thinking of me and not his career. This is the Minhyuk I had come to know and love... er, respect, as a Monbebe.
"Minhyuk-ah, I would love to have anything with you." I blushed when I realized how that sounded. He caught it too and his smile turned a bit sexier. He propped his head against his hand on the back of the couch and looked at me in a way I had only imagined. "I mean... any... or all of the above," I added trying to save face, while trying not to drown in those eyes. My cheeks were already hot, but when he reached up to stroke my face, I felt the heat radiate throughout my entire body.
It sent a thrilling shockwave through me. This was a feeling I had not felt in so long and I searched for the emotion... it was desire. As if he could sense it, he leaned in a bit closer and whispered, "I have missed you." If I had not been sitting, my knees would have just buckled at that moment.
"Hyung! It is your turn!" Changkyun called from the other side of the room. Minhyuk winked at me and went to dazzle the camera. I sat in a daze. Changkyun came and sat beside me. "He likes you," he said with that gorgeous smile.
"What? What do you mean?" I was still having trouble processing this whole thing.
"I mean, Minhyuk... likes... you." He pointed from Minhyuk to me and then put this hand on his chest. "He has been talking about you since the other day. Actually, longer than that. Since the concert last year. He wanted to find you, but all he knew was that we were in Atlanta when he saw you." I stared blankly at him. His words were not making sense. He had said this in Korean, but since I did not respond, he started repeating it in English. I stopped him from going through the whole thing again.
"Sorry, I heard what you said, I just don't believe it!" He laughed and hugged me.
"Ah Noona, you are a beautiful woman and I think you have stolen Hyung's heart." I pulled back and looked up at him, still in disbelief. I looked at Minhyuk and he was watching us with an odd expression. I stood up and walked closer to the set area and Changkyun followed. Minhyuk was shining so brightly that I could not look away. He was beautiful. He took a pose with his eyes closed, head tilted back, and his hand at his chin and throat. His features were perfect. I knew this face intimately. Every angle and curve, every mole, every eyelash. I had painted him so much that I felt I knew it better than my own. He lowered his head and caught my gaze. His expression changed to that sexy smile that he has when he knows he has you in his grasp. Changkyun leaned over and said, "see?" I just smiled back at Minhyuk as what was happening finally started to sink in.
After the shoot wrapped, everyone came to give me a hug and then Minhyuk took my hand and asked me if it was a good time to go have "coffee or something". I nodded that it was. Jun was nowhere to be found, so I told Minhyuk I needed to let him know. He said it was fine, Jun was aware. I just smiled because that meant Minhyuk had assumed I would say yes and made plans accordingly. For some reason this made me happy.
We put on hats and masks to disguise ourselves, then walked out of the back entrance of the building and down the street to a little café. We were hiding in plain sight, and so far, no one was paying attention. There were plenty of tourists around, even some with Monsta X t-shirts on. We ordered 2 bubble teas and a giant bingsu to share. We sat in a quiet corner in the back, and he kept my back to the door. That way if we were spotted, they would see him, but not who he was with.
We talked about very ordinary things... the kinds of things that people talk about when they first meet. We fed each other bites of the delicious icy dessert. It was so very normal and very much like a date. He talked about how much he adores his family and I told him that the only family I have now is my best friend and her kids. He asked me about my parents. I told him they were killed in a car accident my senior year of college. That information made him sad, and he grew teary-eyed. I held his hand and said, "it was a very long time ago. It still hurts, but the pain has dulled now. I focus on remembering the happy times and how much they loved me." That seemed to make him less sad.
"I can't imagine that. My family is the most important thing to me, even over my career. I mean, I know someday..." he trailed off and got sad again. I squeezed his hand and smiled at him. I shifted the topic back to the members. I hated seeing him sad. I asked him how it was always having them around, with zero privacy.
"Sometimes it gets lonely, even being with the other members all the time. We do everything together. I see them more than my family." He paused and looked at our hands and then continued, "it is not the same as having someone to call your own." He lifted his eyes to mine. "I love them, and they are my brothers, but I want more than that," he said with a shy little smile on his face.
He recalled that I had told them I had no kids and he cautiously asked why. I answered him honestly that I had miscarried a few years ago and wasn't able to have any after that. It surprised me that I opened up to him like this so soon. It was not something that I usually talked about. He could hear the pain in my voice and never let go of my hands while I spoke. He did not pressure me with questions or platitudes, he just gave me his presence.
I turned the conversation back to him and asked if he wanted kids someday and he smiled shyly and said that he does want to have a family someday. I told him how great of a father he would be, based on what I had seen.
It was so easy talking to him. It was comfortable and relaxed. I realized that I had opened the door a bit to let him peek inside my world. I had not let anyone get that close in an awfully long time. I knew who he was to the public, but I was seeing the private Minhyuk. The vulnerable, sensitive, yet strong man that only those closest to him knew. I felt privileged and honored that he was sharing this side of himself with me. I got a little teary-eyed and he stopped and put a hand on my cheek and asked what was wrong. His concern was so sincere that it made it harder to control the emotion.
"Absolutely nothing is wrong. I just haven't felt this with anyone in so long... it just made me a little emotional." I smiled at him, and his expression softened, and he wiped the tear that had escaped onto my cheek.
"I understand what you mean. I talk to the members but that is not the same. This is... different. This feels good. I enjoy being with you, Noona." I leaned my head into his hand a bit and he caressed my cheek. I suddenly understood why Simon pushes into my hand when I pet him. I wanted to purr, but instead I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment.
Our tender moment was interrupted by a group of young girls that entered the café. Minhyuk spotted them and lowered his head. He warned that there were Monbebes in the proximity. He took my hand and we snuck into the back of the café. Apparently, this was a common escape route for idols. I guess they needed to be able to make a quick getaway when fans were getting too close. We were giggling and stopped against a wall in the storage area. Minhyuk looked at me and leaned in close to my ear. My breath caught when I felt his breath against my skin. "Let's get out of here. Come with me." He took my hand and led me out the back door. We were in an alley now and we started running away from the cafe.
The feeling was exhilarating and a bit freeing. We were laughing as we ran. We topped a hill and stopped to catch our breath. We seemed to be in the clear now, so we slowed our pace. He held my hand and swung our arms between us. We were both giggling as we walked. This was something unexpected, but it felt good. My heart wanted it to never end, but my head knew it was only for a short time. I pushed those thoughts away. I wasn't even sure what this was, so trying to put a name or limitations on it was pointless.
A sudden rain shower popped up and we ducked into the nearest alley with a covered doorway. We were out of the sight of security cameras and potential onlookers, so Minhyuk took advantage of this opportunity. He turned his hat around and took mine off, letting my blonde locks fall softly around my face. He buried his hands in the soft strands and sucked in his breath. "I have wanted to do this for such a very long time." He cupped my face in his hands and pulled me to him. He softly brushed his lips against mine, as if asking permission. I parted them and he accepted the invitation. He tasted sweet and a little bit like chocolate. I was floating above the ground, and he was the only thing anchoring me to the earth. He deepened the kiss and teased me with his tongue. I responded with a whimper/moan sound that I had never made before. There was passion building in me and its intensity scared me a bit, but not enough to stop me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers into his hair. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I don't know how long we kissed. It felt like eternity and a split second at the same time. When he pulled away, I felt lost. He leaned his forehead against mine and sighed.
"Wow, I wasn't expecting it to feel like that," his voice was unsteady and husky.
"I didn't know it could feel like that," I responded, breathlessly. He smiled at me and leaned back to look at me. He slid his fingers into my hair and cupped my head, then pulled me in for another mind-blowing kiss.
"Noona, I need to see you again. You are addictive," he whispered against my swollen lips. I couldn't speak so I just nodded and kissed him again. I was already captivated by him. He planted tiny open-mouth kisses at either corner of my mouth and then took my lips again. I could not explain this feeling. I had been kissed by a few men in my life, but nothing compared to this.
He kept holding my face after the kiss ended and just looked into my eyes. It was intense and I felt like he was speaking to my soul without words. He held me to his chest and kissed the top of my head. He said that we should be getting back before they started looking for him, and just then his phone went off. We both jumped and then laughed. It was Joohoney asking when he was coming back. He was late for dance practice.
He helped me tuck my hair back up under the cap. "Your hair is so soft, like silk," he said softly as he pushed a stray piece under the hat. We realized the rain had stopped. After once last kiss, we hid our faces again and he led me from the alley, being cautious that no one was there. We walked hand-in-hand for as long as we could, but when we got close to the street we had to stop. We got back to the building and went in through the back entrance. He winked at me and told me he would let me know when he can get away again. He walked backwards and sent me hearts as he moved further away. In a flash, he was gone, and I felt lost.
Jun appeared at my side and asked if I was ready to go. He drove me back to my hotel and I went straight for a swim when I got to my room. I needed the meditation to clear my head and make sense of what had happened. I kept touching my lips. The memory of his kiss was fresh, and I swear that I could still taste him. Did I just make out with Lee Minhyuk in an alley? Yes, yes, I did. I just made out with Lee Minhyuk. In an alley. In Korea.
I had a very restless night, the memory of those stolen moments fresh on my mind... and on my lips. When I finally did sleep, I dreamt of him. There was the usual cherry blossom dream, but I had others too. Dreams that were vivid and clear. Dreaming of him was not unusual, but I usually did not remember them with this much lucidity. Tonight, they were stirred by true events.
The next day was full of sightseeing with Jun, and it was the last one from the contest part of the trip. After this, I would be on my own. Jun took me to places that were better seen with a local, places I would have never known about otherwise. I had a great time, but I felt like something was missing. I tried to snap myself out of it, but I just felt empty. We talked about his family and how he was taking care of his mother while his brother was in the military, we talked about Monsta X, we talked about America and how he wanted to visit there someday. He was an excellent companion, but he wasn't the one I wanted to be with.
Finally, it was time to say goodbye to Jun. I was going to miss him. I felt we had become friends in those 5 short days. His final job as my driver was to get me to my new hotel, because I could not afford the nicer one the agency had put me in. Thankfully, he had taught me quite a bit about the area and how to use public transportation. He gave me his personal number and told me if I got into a bind while in Korea, to call him. I thanked him and gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. He smiled and blushed a little.
I awoke the next morning, slightly disoriented by my new surroundings. I felt a bit groggy and not as energetic as when I first got to Korea. I was excited then, the anticipation of meeting the guys was still there. Now I had only touristy things to look forward to, unless... unless Minhyuk wanted to see me again. He had said he wanted to see me, we didn't even exchange numbers. I wasn't sure how he would reach me. Jun knew where I was staying, and the company had my number, so... there were ways, I guess.
I was starting to feel like it had been a dream. A beautiful one, but a dream no less. I thought it was better to let it go now than to hang on to hope that I would see him again. I would always have the memory of making out with Lee Minhyuk in an alley. I laughed at the absurdity of it, even though it had really happened. It would make for a good story in the old folks' home someday. It did not make me miss him any less.