Taekook Smuts and Drabbles

i wanna get back (to the old days)

THIS BELONGS TO @ethearals ON AO3

There's a bruise on his left thigh, a hickey on the side of his neck that's just hidden by the collar of his leather jacket and a dull pain occupies the lower of his back, making it just a little uncomfortable to walk. And yet, he's on his way to be wrecked again.

There has to be something wrong with him.

Whatever.

He checks his phone again, Taehyung's class schedule displayed on the screen. He still has it from the days he'd pick him up after a lecture to get coffee or walk him home after an exhausting day, Taehyung holding his hand the whole way.

The thoughts make something akin to disgust spill through his veins.

He arrives at the hall Taehyung currently has sociology in after a short while, and he's always been good at that so Jungkook wastes no time knocking on the door, opening it mere seconds later.

He doesn't look into the crowd of curious eyes glancing at him specifically, but he immediately spots Taehyung, sticking out like a sore thumb with his white sweater and hot red hair between the sea of tired eyes and black jackets.

"Yes?"

"Hello, sorry to interrupt, Professor," he bows quickly, turning to the older man who looks at him a little like he just vandalized his car. "Could I borrow Taehyung for a moment?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the guy scoff somewhere in the back row, and when Jungkook glances at him briefly Taehyung is glaring, like he wants to burn him with his eyes.

"Um- no, actually, this is a very important sub-"

"It's really urgent," Jungkook presses and the man looks at him for a few seconds, apparently convinced by his panicked puppy eyes and parted lips because he nods, gesturing towards him.

"Take him away. Be quick,"

"Thank you," Jungkook nods and Taehyung shakes his head, probably muttering something venomous about him to Jin, who hides his chuckle behind his hand.

The guy trudges down the stairs in his tight black jeans with his bag slung casually around his shoulder and nonchalantly running a hand through his hair and Jungkook suddenly remembers what he came for, licking his lips already before Taehyung's even fully down.

"I'll be right back, sir," Taehyung pushes past him to get out of the room and Jungkook nods one last time before he closes the door behind them.

Within a second, Taehyung's got a hand around his throat, pushing him up against the door with a loud bang and Jungkook just hopes the professor doesn't come to check up on them.

"What the fuck , Jeon?"

Jungkook just rolls his eyes and yanks his wrist away from his neck- really, if Taehyung wanted to hurt him he shouldn't have gripped that weakly - and pulls Taehyung along as he looks for the closest empty room with a lock.

"What were you thinking, you idiot ? That was a really important part!"

Taehyung throws insults and curse words at him but Jungkook tunes them out, not really wanting to think about how now Taehyung will miss the most important part of the semester because his dick is hard in his jeans and he would not like for it to go down without any sense of satisfaction .

(a fucking orgasm . It's been 13 hours already, damn .)

Right before the canteen there's an empty room that's used to stash extra books and medical stuff and Jungkook is definitely not shameful to admit that by now he's seen every corner of it.

He tests the door with his hand still around Taehyung's thin wrist in a fierce grip because he knows the moment he lets go, the guy yank his hand away and walk back. The door is not locked- it never is- and he drags Taehyung inside, locking the door before throwing him against the wall, hands immediately finding his waist.

He surges forward to press Taehyung harder against the surface and starts sucking on the spot right above the juncture of his neck, where he knows he is the most sensitive and where is also still a mark from a few days ago, from when he'd eaten Taehyung out and afterwards had felt the need to take that satisfied smirk away.

Taehyung's hands fly to his back, his nails digging into his skin even through the thick leather around his shoulders. His bag plops on the ground at some point, but the buzz of arousal is too loud in Jungkook's ears to really register it.

"I fucking hate you- Jungkook- fuck you ," Taehyung arches up a little into him when Jungkook bites down. " Really ? Getting me out of a lecture ? That shit was - ah - important,"

"Don't care," Jungkook growls as he shoves his hands under the white sweater, scratching his nails harshly over the too soft skin.

Taehyung yanks his head away from his neck with a hand buried in his hair. Jungkook winces at the sharp sting. "You're such an asshole," the guy spits, pulling at Jungkook's hair harder and his knees buckle for a split second before he picks himself up again, tugging Taehyung's wrists away from his head in favor of turning him around, pressing him up against the wall with his cheek smashed against it.

"Better put all that anger to good use, babe . Against the wall, now ," He slaps Taehyung's ass hard in those way too tight jeans, fascinated at the way it still jiggles, even with the fabric over it.

"Don't you dare call me babe , you lost that right a long time ago," Taehyung spits and turns around again, eyes blazing and lips pulled into a tight line. "And you're not fucking me,"

" Yes , I am,"

"No, you're not. You're not getting your dick in me; I'll fuck you,"

Jungkook scoffs. " Hell no,"

The whole reason he needed this was because he needed to fuck- because he needed to put his dick somewhere hot and tight and what better place to stick it than his ex's ass, right?

Taehyung folds his arms over his chest, his fire red hair not that perfect anymore and his eyes even darker in the already dark room.

"You're not fucking me, Jungkook. Period."

Jungkook clenches his fists in frustration because really, out of all times Taehyung had ordered him to fucking pound me, Jungkook , now was the time to be a little bitch.

But then again, he still has boundaries and committing rape is definitely on the other side of the line of accepted , so after a few seconds of inner turmoil, he shrugs his jacket off his shoulders and carelessly drops it on the floor before his hands fly to Taehyung's zipper, opening it.

He's got to make the best out of a bad situation, then.

Within a few seconds, he's got Taehyung's dick in his hand, already half-hard and weight heavy in his palm, jeans and boxers tugged aside expertly and Taehyung chokes out a moan when he strokes nice and deep , fingers digging into his biceps.

"Fuckin' give a guy a warning,"

"Just shut up," Jungkook mutters as he pulls his own jeans down quickly, the sight of Taehyung's dick making his own twitch. He feels that toe curling itch for friction already, the want to just bite something and wreck it- god , it's embarrassing how easy Taehyung still turns him on.

He wraps a hand around the both of them, grip not big enough since they're both on the larger side, but Taehyung is warm and thick against him, vein pulsing on the underside, and the way he breathes wet air on Jungkook's neck makes his knees buckle just a little, falling forward against him.

Quickly and without a care about doing it well, he jerks them both, more focused on getting off than refining his movements and soon, he's panting against the tan skin of Taehyung's jaw, rolling his hips forward.

He curses when he feels Taehyung kick against him. This would be the moment where it'd be nice to kiss, he thinks distantly as the hot feeling in his stomach grows tighter, making him whine. That hot moment where both are too out of it to kiss normally, more teeth clashing and breathing into each other's mouths than anything, tongues sliding against each other messily more than actual kissing.

He kind of misses it, he thinks: feeling close to someone in that way; just kissing them when they're both close to share the moment of desperation and want with spit. But Taehyung and he have some sort of silent agreement. Because that's wrong . Exes don't kiss. They can fuck, sure, but that's just because it's a primal need and everyone needs to have someone to get off with.

But kissing, that's something else. People don't need that. It's intimate and loving and caring and all the things Taehyung isn't, and that's why they don't kiss- not anymore, at least. Not the first time they fucked after they broke up, both incredibly desperate and horny, two weeks after the final words were said, a knock on a door and sweat sliding down heated bodies. Not when Taehyung wanted celebration sex because he'd gotten an A on his essay and something in Jungkook had whispered to tell him congrats, to maune press a little kiss on his lips because somewhere, he'd been happy for him, no matter how much he hated him, but he'd drowned those thoughts out with a pull on Taehyung's hair, a lick up the side of his dick.

They're not allowed to kiss. I'd be too weird.

So the don't. Not then, not now.

Jungkook nibbles on his earlobe instead, tugs at it with his teeth.

"What- tired already?" Taehyung huffs in his ear, and Jungkook realizes a little belatedly his hand has slowed down a little. Taehyung sounds way too fucked out to still be talking that cockily, but then he swats Jungkook's hand away, replaces it with his own and- wow . Jungkook has felt Taehyung's hand on more than several occasions and yet, this feels like he's experiencing it for the first time.

"S-shit," he breathes, free hand now able to dig into Taehyung's waist, skin slick under his wet fingers, and the other one slipping around to squeeze his ass, flesh supple and pliant under his fingers, and squeezing in a way that will probably leave small bruises.

With Taehyung's hand being larger and fitting better around the two of them, his thick silver rings adding another dimension of pleasure, it's suddenly a lot hotter and tighter and he bites his lip to stop himself from crying out. Taehyung is just as far gone himself, judging by the way his free hand winds into Jungkook's hair, holding him tighter, and by the way he pants against his sweaty skin, biting down hard on his collarbone and it makes Jungkook arch , whining out at the stinging pain.

Precum leaks generously from them both and it it makes the slide of Taehyung's hand a lot easier. Jungkook almost winces at how wet and lewd the sounds are, echoing in the dark room. At some point, the fluid splatters on the ground a little and he just knows it's his because he always leaks so goddamn much.

It's disgustingly arousing, how wet he is.

His stomach squeezes tight when Taehyung flicks his thumb over the head, his throbbing vein on the underside pushing against Jungkook and he desperately grabbles at his back, bucking his hips up because he needs- he needs-

"Close- 'm close , fuck, faster ,"

"Hold out longer, J-Jeon," Taehyung growls, but Jungkook knows him, knows the little tells of his body after so many times of bringing him to the edge so he knows Taehyung is close too; he's just being a little bitch for the sake of it.

To prove it, he bites at that spot on his neck that always makes Taehyung cry, digging his nails into his side and Taehyung's hips stutter. He moans against his red bitten skin as he violently spurts over his fist and just all fucking over . The fact that Taehyung manages to get some against his neck, hot and sticky, and the sight of Taehyung's mouth falling open a little together with the tight squeeze of his hand makes Jungkook follow right after.

He clenches Taehyung's shoulders, holding tight where he can because he sees white for a short moment and the heat burning in his veins is enough to make his legs weak.

Taehyung releases them when he's milked every last drop out of their orgasms, so much and long that Jungkook almost teeters into oversensitivity for a second, the pain still good but too fucking much.

"Tissues?" Taehyung asks then with a raised eyebrow when Jungkook has stepped away, disinterest and arrogance in his voice like he didn't just come ten seconds ago.

Jungkook shrugs as he buttons his pants up again. "Don't have 'em,"

"You dragged me into a closet to fuck and you didn't bring tissues ?"

"It's not like I fucking planned this! I got hard- okay- "

"You're such a dick ," Taehyung clenches his teeth and he glances down at his fist that's covered in white stickiness, to his dick that's still twitching a little against his thigh. "Give me your jacket,"

Jungkook snorts incredulously. " What ?" He's not giving Taehyung his leather jacket again, not under any circumstance. Not anymore.

"So I can wipe your jizz off of me. Give it,"

" No ," Jungkook picks it up from the ground and protectively holds it against his chest. Then, he realizes his hands weren't as clean either, slippery with precum and other shit.

Ew .

"Then what do you suggest I do, huh?" Taehyung blazes as he shakes his hand to get some of the liquid off, disgusting white clumps falling on the ground with a splat.

Jungkook shrugs. "Just go like this,"

Taehyung really can't go out like this, but that's none of his concern.

"Your come is in my hair , Jeon," the guy deadpans as he buttons his jeans up, tucking his dick back into his boxers.

"Not my problem," Jungkook says, a little conceited as he puts his jacket on, zipping it up so no one sees the traces of any bodily fluids and he checks his zipper once again, making sure he's completely tucked in.

"You're not going to leave now-" Taehyung threatens with a wet finger in his direction but Jungkook is already opening the door, sending him a too smug smirk, even for him.

"Bye," He glances down one more time at Taehyung's hand, at the white stains on his black jeans and decides that really, he can't give a fuck.

"See you next time,"

He ignores the curses thrown at him from the other side of the door when he walks away, something akin to satisfaction buzzing in his veins. Exactly what he needed.

-

A day later, Jungkook finds himself on his knees, Taehyung's cock so far down his throat that he's gagging.

After yesterday, it was really no surprise to Jungkook that he was going to get his payback.

He just didn't expect for it to happen this soon.

In their little study workgroup (in which Taehyung is, unfortunately, too,) the guy had been sending him looks from across the table all morning, dismissing every input he had given with a scoff and a wave of his hand.

When he on top of that, had also started flirting with some mediocre guy - really, he could do so much better - right in front of him, Jungkook had been more than a little angry.

It's not like he was jealous , but Taehyung didn't have to pracitially grope the guy while he was sitting right there .

But despite his anger, Jungkook had managed to ignore it, had managed to just focus on his work and notes.

That was, until Taehyung grabbed the sleeve of his sweater in the middle of a conversation with some girl and dragged him away without even a word of explanation towards the other people, who watched them leave with wide eyes and shocked faces.

And Jungkook had really, really wanted to slap him, but when the door was locked behind them, his back was pressed against a table and he was being pushed down by two firm hands, who was he not to rip Taehyung's pants open and start biting his thighs?

Exactly.

Taehyung groans deeply, fists his hand in his hair and tugs when Jungkook swirls his tongue around the head. The sounds sends shivers down to Jungkook's lower belly, no denying the acute arousal and the twitch of his dick behind the tight confinement of his zipper.

He sucks him off as best as he can, and maybe he uses a little too much teeth, but Taehyung doesn't seem to mind; whining every time Jungkook scrapes his teeth across the underside.

His nails dig into the backs of Taehyung's thick thighs, hairless and completely exposed by the way his pants are pooling around his ankles. They're too soft , just like every other part of his body and Jungkook hates it, absolutely hates it and hates his hips that start bucking up into his mouth, hates the taste of Taehyung's precum on his tongue, behind the backs of his teeth.

He's also rock hard in his jeans.

" Jesus- fuck," Taehyung mutters with red cheeks as Jungkook glances up for a second. He's sure he looks like a fucking mess , hair mussed up from being tugged on and eyes watery, spit dripping down his chin but Taehyung throws his head back, Adam's apple bobbing as he moans so a little smug, he continues taking him deep again.

Deepthroating is really one of his talents.

Not long after that, Taehyung comes with a high-pitched moan - that's really something else, normally it's low and deep and drives Jungkook crazy but this is a nice change, knowing he's rendered him to a little girl - bucking up into his mouth and even though Jungkook doesn't want to give him the pleasure, he still swallows it all on instinct.

He pulls off with thick lips and Taehyung recovers for a few seconds, panting harshly into his own shoulder.

Jungkook's dick hurts and he's a little exhausted, throat hurting and burning, ready for Taehyung to do him-

But then the guy zips himself up again, runs a hand through his own hair and starts to walk away.

Jungkook splutters. "You- you're not going to leave me like this,"

Taehyung scoffs, looks over his shoulder to glance at him. Jungkook realizes he must look pathetic, still slumped on his knees like he just had the fuck of his life and the outline of his cock very visible, a wet dark patch of precum on the denim.

"Awh- you liked choking on my dick that much?" Taehyung coos but there's something snipping in his voice, an ugly sharpness in his eyes that Jungkook's learned to accept but still doesn't like when it's directed at him.

Jungkook's cheeks flare up, because Taehyung knows he does, knows he loves it and it's so humiliating how much it still turns him on.

"Shut the fuck up,"

Taehyung scoffs again, but still walks back to where Jungkook is kneeling on the floor and he looks down at him with that look again.

Jungkook feels too small for his liking.

"I'd be a bit nicer to the person about to suck your dick,"

A rush of relief goes through him because thank fuck , Taehyung won't leave him with blue balls, but that relief is short lived when the guy pulls him up by his hair.

"Ah- that hurts !"

"Stop whining,"

"Fuck you," Jungkook mutters when he's pushed back against the table. His legs wobble a little and he feels a little ashamed, especially when Taehyung lets out a little depreciating laugh at it.

"Weak ass bitch ," he mutters, yanking at his waistband and Jungkook is burning . "Didn't I tell you to talk nicer?" Taehyung raises an eyebrow as he falls to his knees, starts kneading Jungkook through the fabric and now, Jungkook would moan at the friction but he's got something to prove.

That he's not a weak ass bitch and that Taehyung can't get to him like that anymore.

(even though he totally can)

"I'll talk to you however I want, you piece of shit ,"

Taehyung's eyes flash with something venomous and he pinches his thigh. Jungkook's sure that will leave a bruise.

" Asshole ,"

And then he's taking Jungkook into his mouth, hot and wet and tight and all he needed so Jungkook shuts the fuck up, letting Taehyung continue his work.

It doesn't take that long for him to come, his hand tight in Taehyung's hair and his legs quivering, and Taehyung sucks every last drop out of him before he comes back up, cheeks puffed.

Before Jungkook can ask him what he wants , the guy is wrenching his mouth open, thumb pulling at his lower jaw and then he's spitting Jungkook's load into his mouth.

Jungkook gags.

"What the fuck!" He doubles over, spitting on the floor but he can't get the taste of himself off his tongue and- "That's disgusting !"

Taehyung shrugs, licking a drop off his own lips like it's nothing. "Now you know what I just had to swallow,"

Jungkook pushes at his chest with two hands, really angry because who even does that, that's just fucking gross . "Yeah, you could've just spit it out, no need to be a little bitch about it!"

"Save it, Jeon," Taehyung wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and walks away, calls over his shoulder, "we both know you love it when I swallow."

And then he slams the door behind him with a bang, leaving Jungkook with his dick out, the taste of his own come on his tongue and a burning sense of embarrassment.

Taehyung definitely crushed him this time.

-

The third time that week Jungkook finds himself with Taehyung's hard dick near him is Sunday night, in some crappy old toilet stall. It smells like shit and the floor is dirty but it was the best they could find on such short notice.

That's one of the many downsides of having the same friends and being exes at the same time: you have to see each other at every fucking group activity.

Tonight, with bowling, it was no different and Taehyung had been a brat all evening, talking shit about his bowling skills and distracting him, so when they took a break to get some soju and eat some snacks, Jungkook had been quick to find the first door with a lock, Taehyung in his tow.

"I don't understand how I ever dated a prick like you," Taehyung breathes as he pushes his ass back on Jungkook's dick, clenching around him.

Jungkook grunts, digs his fingers into Taehyung's bony hips from behind. "Me neither. Fucking dick you are,"

"So fucking pretentious ,"

"Selfish,"

"Arrogant,"

"Repulsive,"

"Such a fucking asshole," Taehyung whines when Jungkook digs his teeth into his shoulder. "I hate you, you know that?"

"Oh yeah," Jungkook snaps his hips a little harder against him and Taehyung's back arches. "I hate you too, so, so much," he breathes the words against his skin, biting it when he feels the emotion take over.

He hates him, he really does, he tells himself over and over again.

"Fuck me harder , then,"

And Taehyung whimpers when he does, nails clawing desperately at the door to find anything to hold on to, but he can't and his legs give up on him. With a huff, Jungkook grips around his waist, holding him up.

"I'm so done with you,"

"Me- too, fuck ," Taehyung cries out and Jungkook clamps a hand around his mouth, trying to stop him from making too much sounds. Taehyung always makes so much noise when he gets fucked.

"Not so loud ,"

Taehyung curses loudly when Jungkook removes his hand, reaching back to dig his nails into his side.

"Shut up ,"

Taehyung scoffs, glancing over his shoulder, probably to mock him, but he looks so desperate, so fucked out and it spurs Jungkook on even more to fuck into him, to wreck him.

"Fuck- Jungkook- god ," Taehyung sobs, slamming his fists against the door. "Please- ah , just, fuck- "

He lets out another string of curses and Jungkook is done .

He snaps his hips hard . "Didn't I tell you to shut it ?"

"I-"

And then Jungkook delivers a hand slap to his perfect, tan ass, a red hand imprint left behind and the sound ricocheting off the walls.

It shuts Taehyung up perfectly , and it also makes him come after three more.

Jungkook smirks smugly when Taehyung is unable to sit for the rest of the evening.

-

And so, the weeks turn into months.

It's more often than not Jungkook finds himself with his dick buried deep inside of Taehyung's ass, the guy whining and crying out when he hits the right spot. Sometimes, it's reversed, and Jungkook bounces on Taehyung's dick while Taehyung simply fixes him with a hard look that makes Jungkook shrink , the guy's hands digging into his waist painfully and his teeth digging so hard into the skin stretching over his collarbone that Jungkook's sure it will split.

Their fucking also grows progressively more aggressive with the day. At first, Jungkook only had a mark on his neck where Taehyung sucked a hickey into his skin, but now it's usual that when he leaves Taehyung's place they're both littered with bruises and at least one of them isn't able to walk.

It's come to a point where, a few days ago, his mentor had pulled him apart to tell him that if he's in trouble he should talk to someone or maybe go to the police, and when he saw Jungkook's weary eyes, the small split in his lip, he put a gentle hand on his bicep and asked him if he was okay .

And the thing is, Jungkook is okay . Sure, he has seen happier times and the fucking is not satisfying every time, not when Taehyung's insults flow out of his mouth like water and hit Jungkook right in the chest sometimes, not when he always leaves bruises and marks that hurt and are visible even after a week but... he lets him.

He lets him because the dull throbbing in his lower back and the stinging pain of the insults slung around his head everyday are better than the loneliness he feels when he lies under his covers at night, the room dark and his bed too big, too cold.

One time, after Taehyung was done thrusting into him from behind and cleaning them both up with a towel, there was a slight prickle in Jungkook's throat, a burning in his chest, almost hoping Taehyung would stay, just to be with him afterwards for a second to take care of him while he got out of that dreamy, emotional headspace he always fell in when he bottomed.

But Taehyung was already pulling his jeans back on the moment he wanted to open his mouth and Jungkook had immediately clamped it shut, inwardly pinching himself because how did he even dare to think of that?

It's not like he misses Taehyung, like he wants to be with him again. Hell no. They had a reason to break up, even if Jungkook sometimes has a little trouble remembering what it was.

Really, the only reason they're still fucking is because somehow, their bodies work well together: they know how to push each other's buttons, and because they need to fuck out the frustration and stress uni brings them.

And that works like a fucking charm .

Jungkook can simply knock on his door, dressed like shit because he knows they'll be naked in mere minutes, and pound the brains out of Taehyung when he feels like it's all too much for a second, being able to spit out all the insults and curse words because he can and because Taehyung does the same.

It feels good to curse, feels good to sometimes just scream and pretend it's all because he's mad at his professor for giving him too much work. Though, sometimes, the line between hate for school and hate for Taehyung blurs a little. And at those times, it feels especially good to curse at him, to slap him or bruise his thighs, spit on him, because sometimes it lessens the anger he has for him a little.

And other times it doesn't, and it makes him only hate him more.

And hate him, he does. So fucking much, he tells himself everytime after he's come and feels the urge to cuddle up to someone.

He makes it extra clear when Taehyung barges into his room after his midterms, making Jungkook, who was studying very hard on the floor, a cup of cold coffee and an empty can of redbull - the typical student starter pack - merely glance up.

He rolls his eyes when he sees the anger, the glint of lust in his eyes, all dusted off with a sense of rush, urgency.

"Hell no. I'm busy ," he gestures towards the books scattered around him, papers stacked everywhere and pens and highlighters across the floor.

"You're stressed too, I can see it in your eyes," Taehyung comments as he shrugs his jacket off. Jungkook hates that he still knows him so well. "Come on, this'll be good for both of us."

"No, go fuck your hand, I'm not doing it," Jungkook shakes his head and grabs another book, because he needs to know the answer to that goddamn question , where is the right page-

"You fucker . Just-" Taehyung is suddenly in front of him, pulling him up by the collar of his hoodie and then he tosses him on the bed. Jungkook clenches his teeth.

"No! Fuck off, I'm serious-" he tries to push Taehyung away as the guy comes to hover above him, a thigh pressed between his legs. "I don't have time!"

Taehyung rolls his eyes as he travels down with his hand to cup him over his jeans. When he does, he squints.

"You're fucking hard ,"

Jungkook scoffs- he is not - maybe a little because Taehyung has that effect on him - and even if he is he still doesn't have the time for sex, he needs to study.

"Oh- please, that's nothing- just get off ,"

"Mmm," Taehyung murmurs with dark eyes, merely raises an eyebrow at his protests and keeps palming him, fingers kneading at the head and watching Jungkook writhe with satisfaction.

Jungkook's chest burns with shame - again - at how easily Taehyung can rile him up.

He sends him a hard glare. " Fine . But I'm fucking you."

"No,"

" Yes ," Jungkook argues immediately, hand pulling hard at Taehyung's hair. "You barge in here, begging , so I'm saying how we're doing this." He sits up, pushing Taehyung off of him. "On your knees, bitch ,"

Taehyung swallows with wide eyes and then he nods, furiously, already moving to get his pants off. "Yeah- okay- hurry , fuckin' hell,"

And when Jungkook pushes in, not nearly having prepped enough but whatever , Taehyung had begged him to hurry, he makes sure to do it in one go, going fast and hard. A sick sense of satisfaction burns in his veins when he hears Taehyung cry out in pain, feeling the muscles in his abdomen tense under his fingers.

He doesn't know why he wants to hurt Taehyung this bad, why it makes him feel good and nauseous at the same time. Maybe because hurting someone else is always better than hurting himself. Maybe because it makes him somewhat happy when he sees Taehyung suffer, when he's in pain because Taehyung deserves to feel the same as he does sometimes.

"I wasn't fucking ready , asshole," Taehyung mutters and Jungkook sees a tear fall on the sheets beneath him.

He doesn't let the guilt settle in his stomach and instead snaps his hips, nails scratching over his skin.

"Deal with it,"

And Taehyung does. He deals with it and sucks it all up with cries and whimpers and sobs but doesn't send Jungkook a second glance as he leaves, slightly limping and eyes still red from the crying.

Jungkook tells himself that this is good. That he deserves it.

-

Professor Seojoon is the worst, ever. Jungkook is convinced.

He'd turned his assignment on time, mailed it and gave it to him in person and yet the guy is claiming that he's never gotten it, that Jungkook didn't do it.

And now he has to redo it.

Jungkook is mad .

He knocks on Taehyung's door, insistent and hard .

After about a minute, the guy opens the door dressed in a simple black shirt and sweatpants, raising an eyebrow when he sees him. "Hi?"

Jungkook clenches his jaw at him, not in the mood for conversation or nice chit chat. He wants to hurt .

Taehyung rolls his eyes when he sees the look on his face and opens the door further, letting Jungkook in. He turns around, throwing some clothes off his bed. "Alright- you can fuck me,"

"No,"

"No?" He raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "Then what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Get on the bed,"

" Why ?"

"Because I say so," Jungkook growls, stepping closer and pushing at his chest. He's so done with this guy.

"I don't care what the fuck you say," Taehyung grumbles, but still lets himself fall backward, back bouncing on the bed. Immediately, Jungkook starts wrenching at his sweatpants, pulling them down and off of his legs.

"Jeez- what's got you so worked up?"

Jungkook clenches his jaw, pulls at his boxers. "Just shut up ,"

When Taehyung is naked from the waist down, Jungkook lies down on the bed in between his legs, hand immediately going to his flaccid dick, pumping it harsly.

"Dude- the fuck you so violent for?"

"Angry,"

"Yeah- I can see that- calm down with my dick, that hurts ,"

"Get hard then," Jungkook glares at him, licking over the head. He winces a little at the dry friction, his hand calloused against the sensitive skin of Taehyung's dick.

"You got lube?"

"You know where that shit is,"

Jungkook heaves an exasperated grunt and hops off the bed quickly to get the bottle from the bureau. The fucking idiot doesn't even put it in a drawer . He squeezes too much on his hand, spreads it over both his palms and then immediately gets on the bed again, slicked up hand making the jerk a lot more comfortable.

"Come on- hurry, get it hard,"

"I'm getting there, christ," Taehyung complains, throwing his head back and letting out a frustrated sigh. "I can't just fucking pop a boner whenever you want me to,"

"Then learn," Jungkook growls, shoving one hand up Taehyung's shirt to play with his nipples, the lube on his fingers making it a little hard to get a good grip on the bud.

"Dude- get off with that hand- no, come on, there's lube everywhere, now this shirt is ruined, fuck you,"

"Christ, fuckin' baby, it's just a shirt,"

"Like you didn't get mad when I ripped your blouse!"

"Because there was a huge rip in the side, you can just wash this!"

"You could've just stitched that up too, but no, you had to fucking edge me for the whole fucking day!"

"You deserved it," Jungkook states, now using both hands to pump Taehyung's dick, feeling it harden beneath his fingers. "Now get hard ,"

It takes a few minutes, but then finally, Taehyung is fully erect, dick standing up and twitching against his lower belly, the skin glistening a little from the mix of lube and a drip of precum that leaks out.

He takes it in his hand satisfiedly and starts to knead at the tip, pressing into the muscle. Taehyung arches off the bed a little, squirming.

"You just gonna jerk me off- why- ah- why?"

Jungkook doesn't know either. Just knows that he wants to take his frustration out on something- someone, and that he wants to hurt someone. And well- he already does that to Taehyung so why not do this too?

"Come on," Taehyung whines a little, rutting his hips up into his hand which is still only working at the tip, squeezing and kneading. "Touch all,"

"No,"

"Fuck you," Taehyung grits his teeth and glares at him, but immediately throws his head back with a moan as Jungkook pushes his thumb into the slit, slippery from precum.

Jungkook abuses his tip with vigor, sucking at the head, licking around it, squeezing it and digging his fingers into the slit, using the wetness of the precum and the lube to jerk the upper part. Judging by Taehyung's frustrated moans and cries it's good, very good, and not too long after, Taehyung jerks his hips up, whining.

" Fuck- I'm coming, fuck- ah- ah ,"

He shoots his load all over Jungkook's fist, the first string hitting his face and the rest dribbling out pathetically over his hand, white globs sliding down his dick. Jungkook pumps him through it, Taehyung wriggling ad whining as his abs and thighs contract.

"God- god ." He lets out a sigh, his eyes closed as he still shakes a little from the orgasm. "Do you know, how fucking frustrating that is?"

Jungkook huffs. Of course he does; it's one of the worst things ever if someone won't touch your whole dick, but if it's done right it gives the greatest orgasms, so usually it's worth it.

Taehyung sighs again, runs a hand over his brow to wipe some sweat off. "Alright. Jezus . Do you want me to blow you or-"

And then he's arching up from the bed, moaning when Jungkook starts again, using his thumbs to squeeze the head together, another drop of clear liquid already dripping out.

"Shit- Jungkook- stop,"

But Jungkook doesn't, because it's nice to hear Taehyung cry out in pain, to hear him moan. Makes him feel a little better.

His dick is still an angry red, didn't even have the chance to soften. A bit of precum drools out again.

"Please-" Taehyung sobs when Jungkook squeezes harder, fondles the tip and jerks him a little. "Please- it hurts, Jungkook, it really hurts- really- s-stop ,"

There's a raw edge to his voice, but Jungkook doesn't pay any mind, because this is what he needed; to hurt someone, to hurt Taehyung, to-

"Please- fuck, it's so- ah , Jungkook- " A moan is ripped out of him, but- it's a little too desperate, too wretched. Too much like a cry to really stop.

It stings in Jungkook's chest.

"P-please- stop now !"

And that's the last drop.

Jungkook ceases his movements and looks up at Taehyung, hesitation simmering in his stomach. The guy is panting, chest glistening with sweat and when he glances down at him, Jungkook can see the pain in his eyes.

The sorry catches in his throat and instead he puts a hand on his hip, rubbing his thumb over the skin just below the hem of his t-shirt.

He swallows the lump down. "Color?"

Taehyung looks at him for a few seconds, tears on the brim of his eyes. For a second, Jungkook is sure Taehyung will say red; that he'll tell him to stop, and if he'd say that, Jungkook would. He'd stop immediately and wipe Taehyung off, pull his boxers on again and wait until the tears disappear. Because yes, he wanted to hurt Taehyung, but he'd never push him over that edge- would never abuse him.

He waits patiently for an answer, still moving his thumb in soothing circles.

"... Between green and yellow. More yellow," Taehyung admits with a shy voice.

He nods understandably, soothingly stroking his thigh when he hears the hitches in his breath. "Want me to keep going?"

"... Yeah," Taehyung pants, locking eyes with him for a second. Jungkook can see the emotion threatening to overspill.

He sighs in mild relief, nodding at Taehyung when he takes his dick back into his head, slowly stroking. Taehyung immediately throws his head back, moaning lowly and his eyes squeezed shut, his hips occasionally twitching.

Soon, he's coming for the second time, cock almost purple and the come dribbling out this time, covering Jungkook's whole fist and in between his fingers. Taehyung moans brokenly, whimpering something about so good- fuck- it hurts, that Jungkook doesn't quite catch.

The guy's head lolls to the side, chest heaving with heavy breaths and this time when he jerks his hips away, Jungkook does remove his hand. He gets up and walks over to the bathroom, washes all the come off his hands and wets a towel so he can clean Taehyung up.

The guy is still lying on the bed when Jungkook gets back, his face buried in the crook of his elbow. Jungkook doesn't know if it's imagination that he's shaking.

When he's cleaned him off, wiped all the lube and come off his balls and stomach and drops the towel by the bed, he swallows.

Taehyung still isn't looking at him, is still trembling a little and making these soft sounds. Jungkook wonders if he's crying.

"Um..."

Taehyung finally lifts his head a little, looking at him. His eyes are red and they're a little wet.

"Want me to do you?"

Jungkook shakes his head. "No,"

He isn't even hard .

"Okay,"

After a few seconds of agonizing silence, Jungkook bites his lip. "I'm- gonna leave,"

"Do what you gotta do," Taehyung sighs, breath hitching just a little when he curls up into himself more, still naked.

He looks so wrong- so fucked out and vulnerable. As Jungkook walks to the door, he tries to push those thoughts out of his head, tries to ignore the fact that he's just going to leave Taehyung like this- while he's in his most powerless headspace.

It doesn't really feel good. Not like he wanted.

When he's outside and walking back to his dorm, he buys a pack of cigarettes and lights one; the first in months. Taehyung helped him stop, and even after they broke up, Jungkook had kept himself to their promise.

But now he just- can't really care anymore. Needs something that can numb it all a little.

The smoke burns in his lungs, and it's disgusting, it's disgusting and yet he keeps smoking, keeps smoking until at some point it gets a little hard to inhale, and when he brings up a hand to his face there's a tear rolling down.

That night, he feels bad. Mostly because broke his promise to never smoke again, but also because he'd just- left Taehyung.

Fucking is okay. It's okay to hurt someone and to rip their hair out, to bruise their thighs, but it isn't okay to leave someone when they're at their weakest ; when they're trembling and crying a little.

Before he can stop himself, he's sent the text already.

To: Taehyung - you got out of that okay?

To: Taehyung - i shouldn't have left so soon

The response comes almost an hour later, and Jungkook immediately knows he's drunk. It makes him a little sick.

From: Taehyung - noo

From: Taehyung - s bad jungkookie

From: Taehyung - mean

From: Taehyung - but im alive

From: Taehyung - so dooon't worry abt me

From: Taehyung - you never do anywyas

He goes to sleep that night with a stone in his stomach and a sting in his chest.

-

Over time, things get harder for Jungkook. Seeing Taehyung at least three times per week takes a toll on his body; his ass is now permanently bruised and his lower back always throbbing. His hamstrings hurt from always stretching so far and his neck is so sensitive that even wearing a turtleneck to cover all the bruises and marks up is uncomfortable.

But it takes a bigger toll on his mind.

He has picked up his smoking habit again like he'd never stopped. Taehyung knows, because one time the guy was sucking a mark into his neck, and his collar probably smelled like smoke, because then suddenly, a hand was fisted in his collar.

"You're disgusting ," Taehyung had spat at him, and that was that.

He's not sleeping all that well, lately. His bed is cold and empty, no one there to snuggle up to or to hold him when he's shaken awake by a bad dream.

He's losing weight. Doesn't know why, but he is. Taehyung commented on it lately, hands running over his ribs.

"The fuck you so skinny for?"

Jungkook had shrugged.

"Gain more- I don't like you when you're skinny. 'S weird."

Sometimes Jungkook doesn't see him for a few days. His body can heal, then, the bruises on his neck can fade just a little and his mind can find a little peace.

Then Taehyung sends him a text, and everything starts over again.

Focusing on school is a bitch too. His lectures are getting harder and the is matter more intricate. His mentor had taken him apart for another conversation, but Jungkook doesn't remember much about it.

Most of the time his head is somewhere else, anyways.

But- he keeps going. Because he doesn't know how to fix any of it, doesn't know how he can feel better again, and when a small voice in the back of his mind whispers that it has something to do with Taehyung, he stamps it down with sex and cigarettes until he can't hear it anymore.

Sometimes it helps.

Other times, it just leaves him feeling empty, and he wonders what the hell he's doing with his life.

-

There is one time when Jungkook sees Taehyung in a club.

Jungkook really had been hoping on a nice evening out with his friends, to drown out all his pain with alcohol and to pretend the bruises littered across his body weren't there, to pretend that it didn't hurt him to wake up every morning because he missed having a warm body next to him.

But then he sees Taehyung, there, in the middle of the dance floor with his sweaty hair and loose blouse, tight leather pants attracting everyone's eyes and making Jungkook's mouth dry, and he forgets all about the fact that he's still hurt .

One more time can't do too much damage anymore, right?

He considers going over there, to dance with him a little and maybe go home together but then-

His blood boils when he sees him dancing with some random guy, some guy that isn't him. It's not like he's possessive- no. It's not like he still wants Taehyung, but Taehyung simply doesn't deserve to have fun when he can't have it either. And he's also not allowed to dance with someone else.

He stalks up to the pair with tunnel vision, swaying a little on his legs because he's drunk a bit too much and without so much as saying a word, he grabs Taehyung's arm and leads them towards the back. It seems to take the guy a few seconds before he realizes Jungkook is taking him away, but when he does, he starts tugging, working against his grip.

Jungkook only clenches tighter around his bicep, anger threatening to overspill because that guy had his hands all over, touching him everywhere and no .

Taehyung is outraged as Jungkook locks them into an empty stall and throws him against the wall.

"What the fuck , Jeon! I was about to go home with him!"

That statement only makes Jungkook more mad, the fact that that stuck up little bitch had almost taken Taehyung home and fucked him-

He doesn't say anything as he sinks down to his knees, yanking Taehyung's button and zipper open. His dick immediately springs out - apparently he'd decided to skip out on underwear - thick against the side of his thigh and filled with blood, twitching a little.

He's already hard, Jungkook realizes a little dumbly when he grabs him in his hand. That guy, that guy had made Taehyung hard- that guy had managed to make him aroused and it's ridiculous but it makes him want to cry. Makes him want to beat someone up.

Maybe himself.

He hears Taehyung's head fall back against the door as he sucks at the tip, the salty taste of precum spreading over his tongue and before he knows it the guy's hands are already wound tight into his hair, pulling at it painfully.

It's now a daily struggle that he can't even style his hair normally anymore from how hard Taehyung always pulls on it.

"What are you doing? He was gonna suck my dick," Taehyung says with a rough voice as pulls Jungkook's head back by his hair. Somehow, Jungkook manages to tune the constant pain out. Probably the alcohol numbing everything.

"I can do it better," he simply says, pumping him a few times and licking a broad stripe up the underside, tonguing at the vein.

He thinks back about that stupid guy on the middle of the dance floor with his filthy hands on Taehyung's ass, grinding into him. Taehyung had gotten hard from that. That wasn't- he couldn't- he wasn't allowed to make him hard- Taehyung is his and his dick is his and he's the only one allowed to touch, the only one to nip at the spot that drives Taehyung crazy and is the only one to can run his hands over that ass-

He drowns the insane thoughts by going down on Taehyung in one go, choking on him when his length hits the back of his throat.

The guy lets out a moan. "Ah- god- you- you jealous?"

Jungkook spits on him and takes him back in, bobbing his head up and down, holding him tight at the base. "Fuck no,"

He isn't. He's not jealous. Taehyung can do whatever he wants, he tells himself.

Just not with that guy.

"Looks like it,"

Jungkook pulls back momentarily and glances up, only to see Taehyung smirking down at him, smugly.

And that's the last fucking drop.

He gets up, sliding his fingers into Taehyung's hair and nosing along the soft skin over his collarbone to find the perfect spot-

Taehyung's hands find purchase on his shoulders, desperately grabbing at them when Jungkook bites down hard, wanting to make the same mark Taehyung made on him last week that he saw some girls staring at. The skin is thin beneath his teeth. Tastes like sweat, like some cologne Jungkook isn't familiar with. It's not the one he wore a few months ago.

He's about to pull back, happy with the fact that he's marked Taehyung- that he's his , but then he hears the guy breathing into his ear heavily, his dick digging into his thigh and lips against his neck, too fucked out or aroused to care about the proximity and suddenly he's so- angry .

So- fucking angry.

He's probably too drunk, too drunk to think straight, but that doesn't take away the fact that he's so- angry at Taehyung. At that guy on the dancefloor, at himself and at how things are now between them, at how they ended things off and he isn't in control about how how hard he bites and how hard he pulls at his hair, how hard his nails dig into his bicep. He does know that he's biting too hard- hell, he's tasting blood on his tongue but he can't bring himself to care, not when tears are prickling behind his eyes and his chest hurts, so much , so he wrenches at Taehyung's hair harder to make him feel the pain too and he thinks he hears a tearing sound-

"Jungkook! Fuck- that hurts, dude- stop !"

A hard stomp on his back is what eventually makes him pull back, wincing at the blooming pain in his shoulder.

"The hell was that for?!" Taehyung asks him with wide glassy eyes, flush on his cheeks. Jungkook's hands slides out of his hair limply, a few single hairs sticking to his sweaty palms.

He guesses he must've pulled them out.

He tastes blood on his lips when he licks them and when he glances down at Taehyung's collarbone, a single drop of blood seeps out of the bite mark, soaking the collar of his shirt.

Jungkook feels nauseous.

Taehyung scans between his eyes with fury, but there's something else, maybe behind the red anger there's a drop of curiosity, sympathy. Confusion. His hands rest on Jungkook's waist - Jungkook doesn't know when they came there - and the way he's looking at him, taking in every inch of his face, is like he's trying to figure him out. Jungkook doesn't want him to. Doesn't even understand himself, so Taehyung can't either.

Feels way too naked, suddenly, even though he's not the one with his dick out.

Eventually, Taehyung simply shakes his head, frowning a little but there's something gentle in his eyes that Jungkook hates. Taehyung isn't allowed to look at him like that anymore- shouldn't look at him like that anymore.

"Just- finish me off," he mutters, and then he pushes him down, hands firm on his shoulders even though it's still too tender, too soft.

Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat down as he falls to his knees, not caring about the pain he feels when his already bruised bones hit the concrete.

He licks the drop of blood of his lip first and then he swallows Taehyung down in one go, tries to forget everything with the way he's choking on him, with the way Taehyung is so thick he's not able to breathe anymore.

At some point, Taehyung starts fucking into his mouth- softly at first, just little bucks of hips but Jungkook grabs his ass and forces him to go faster, to go harder . It hurts and it makes him gag, nails harshly digging into the backs of Taehyung's thighs and it makes him cling onto the burning pain in his throat because it's better than thinking.

Thinking about things he shouldn't be thinking about and thinking about things he doesn't want to think about.

It becomes rough to a point where he can pretend the tears spilling down his cheeks in absolute buckets are because he can't breathe, because it hurts , and even if Taehyung notices the wetness on his cheeks, he doesn't act on it.

He simply keeps thrusting, fingers wound tightly in Jungkook's hair to hold him up because Jungkook would topple over the second he lets go, and he merely growls out a warning before he's spilling his load, Jungkook trying to swallow it all while he's still coughing and gagging.

Jungkook slumps against the toilet when Taehyung pulls out, too far out of it to care. The guy quietly zips up and grabs a few toilet papers, crouching down to wipe the mess around his mouth.

Jungkook lets him.

When he's done, Taehyung looks at him for a second, face contemplative, forehead sweaty and hair messy. It's open, and it's the first time they've had eye contact like this in a long time and yet-

Jungkook can't read him like he used to. He used to know with one single glance what was going on with him and now-

Taehyung has changed, too, he realizes. He isn't the only who got hurt during all this, and suddenly there are walls between them, walls around Taehyung's heart, and it's only now hitting him that he's never going to climb over them again because Taehyung has made sure there's barbed wire on top.

The guy reaches out with a hand and runs it through his hair, gently stroking through the strands. Jungkook barely even feels it, his scalp numb, but the gesture is like an I'm sorry , or a goodbye , and that isn't them , and it's such a big contrast to what just happened mere minutes ago that it makes Jungkook too confused.

He wants to cry.

But then he feels his shoulders shake and he licks his lips, tastes the salty tears on them and he realizes he is already.

Taehyung drops his hand and pushes himself up, leaves the stall and seconds later Jungkook hears the door open, the music booming loudly before it falls close again.

He drops his head into his hands and cries.

-

After that, things get worse.

-

On a Sunday, somewhere in the middle of the night, Jungkook is woken up by a few knocks on his door. With his eyes still half closed, Jungkook opens his door in only his boxers and finds Taehyung standing there, looking at him with sleepy eyes through the glasses he always loved so much.

Jungkook frowns. Is tempted to close the door right in his face and also somehow wants to let him in so he can sleep next to him.

It's getting harder and harder not to mind the cold sheets so much.

" What are you doing here?"

The guy blinks through his bangs- now dyed brown again.

"Wanna fuck,"

Scoffing, Jungkook crosses his arms over his chest, still too dazed out by sleep to get too mad.

"It's the middle of the night- you couldn't wait 'til tomorrow?"

"No," Taehyung says bluntly, pushing past Jungkook to let himself in. He shrugs his jacket off and throws it on the desk. "It's been a fucking week , Jungkook. I'm horny,"

Jungkook swallows. It's indeed been a week. Since the incident last Saturday, Jungkook had distanced himself a little, and it felt like Taehyung had done the same thing. It was almost like they both got a bit too comfortable with each other with gentle touches, and Jungkook needed space .

Needed space for his body to heal from all the bruises and scratches and needed space to keep denying everything he felt when he was around Taehyung.

"Find someone else then," Jungkook spits.

Taehyung glares at him, hard and long. Jungkook feels cold under his eyes. Is too tired and wants to sleep , to just forget about every flutter of his chest whenever he sees Taehyung.

"No," he eventually says.

"Why not?"

"I don't hate anyone else like I hate you so I can't treat them like I treat you."

Jungkook tries to not let that hurt him.

"And that's- what I need right now." Taehyung's last words are almost a little desperate, lip wobbling as he clenches his jaw at him. "So," He gestures with his hand towards him, "what are you waiting for?"

Jungkook sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Listen, Taehyung- I just woke up and I'm tired. I'm really not in the mood."

He really isn't. While it's been a week and he wouldn't mind for someone to touch his dick again, he's just sleepy and his mind has been fucked up since last week and suddenly it feels wrong to be around Taehyung.

Because they're exes. Not fuckbuddies.

Taehyung scoffs. " Please . What- you need some candle light and a romantic dinner to get in the mood?" He steps closer, tilting his head with ice in his eyes. "Awh- some kisses? Soft touches? Sweet words? "

Yes. He needs affection .

Jungkook looks at the floor as he sits down on the bed, elbows resting on his knees. Feeling his eyes droop already, he sighs. "Taehyung-"

He doesn't know how to finish his sentence. He doesn't know what he wants , just knows that he wants to sleep. That maybe he wants to cuddle up with someone, entangle with them under the warm blankets and close his eyes. Feel safe . To stop feeling this constant anxiety .

Taehyung is silent for a while and Jungkook is afraid there's going to be a slap against his cheek any second, a pull on his hair maybe and some words about he should stop being a little bitch and get your dick hard , but- it doesn't come.

The guy sighs. "Get on your back,"

Jungkook's head snaps up in surprise and Taehyung is just looking at him, eyes- not like usual. He's not glaring, not trying to say fuck you with his eyes- he's simply just looking .

"Wh- what?" Jungkook breathes, squinting.

Taehyung steps forward and gently pushes at his shoulders. Jungkook falls back without any resistance.

"Go on, lie down," he says softly, and Jungkook swallows.

Despite being confused, Jungkook settles himself on the bed comfortably. Taehyung undresses himself, leaving him only in his boxers and then gets on too, lies down on his stomach between Jungkook's legs.

Slowly, he starts running his hands up and down his bare thighs, nails scratching over the skin but it's not like he always does. It's soft, and it's weird. Jungkook shivers and clenches his thighs together on instinct.

" Taehyung- "

"Just relax," he mutters as he gently coaxes his legs open, slowly pulls his boxers off, breathing hot air over his cock. It makes Jungkook's dick twitch. It really has been a week, and Taehyung looks so sinful there- placing a little kiss on the head with thick lips but-

"Look- you don't have to do this- I'll just jerk you off, suck you off, even-"

"Jungkook," Taehyung glances up at him from between his legs, hands halting on his waist from where they were touching - caressing ?- his skin. "Just- let me do this."

And Taehyung looks so needy , desperate even, to do this, already ducking his head back to bite at his thighs lightly, tongue flicking out to lick at his balls so-

Jungkook lets his head fall back on the pillow, exhaling shakily when Taehyung licks a stripe up his perineum, sucking a little. It makes shivers travel up Jungkook's spine, makes him arch against the warm hands holding him down and-

Whether it's his sleep hazed mind, whether it's the hot tongue circling his rim, wet lips planting sloppy kisses on the insides of his thighs or the fact that Taehyung's here, after a week of radio silence, giving him exactly what he needed, Jungkook doesn't know, but he knows he relaxes, lets the hands and expert tongue take over and puts himself at Taehyung's mercy.

With Taehyung's tongue moving inside of him, hand working at the slick length of his dick, he has a mindblowing orgasm that makes his eyes roll back into their sockets, his back arching with a too loud moan. It takes long to recover from the white spots behind his eyelids and the shots of heat rippling through his body, and when he has, still panting and dick sensitive, Taehyung crawls up and licks some come off his stomach, strokes his whole body and sucks at his neck, all while he jerks himself off.

Jungkook just lets him. Feels warm under all the soft touches and the wet mouth on his neck and he knows this is too intimate, but he's so tired and satisfied from his orgasm that he can't care now.

He just wraps one arm loosely around Taehyung's waist, lets him buck his hips up into him and holds him through it as Taehyung muffles a moan against his collarbone and Jungkook feels something sticky on his hip.

He doesn't remember much after that: maybe he recalls the feeling of a warm towel against his skin, maybe, he feels blankets being draped over him or maybe he somewhere vaguely registers a thank you, goodbye , but he convinces himself that his mind has made that up to make him feel just a little better about the whole situation.

Because even if Taehyung was somewhat nice tonight, even if it made him feel something for the first time in months, he was only here for the sex and doesn't care for him like that anymore.

It's a little painful.

When he wakes up that morning he's convinced that it was all a weird, wet dream and that there's no way Taehyung had actually eaten his ass last night, kissing his thighs and fingers dancing over his skin. But when he walks into the bathroom, running a hand through his hair in the mirror, he sees the hickey imprinted on his skin, a prominent dark purple spot that's in no way not real.

He blinks at it a few times. Tenderly touches it, and yet it doesn't disappear.

His neck had finally healed, almost all the bruises and marks gone except for a few scars he knows will not disappear for a long time, and now- here it was again. Marked, even though no one's really got him.

And Jungkook doesn't know what to think.

So he steps under the shower and goes to class. Ignores that nagging feeling in his chest whenever he sees a flash of brown hair and a soft sweater in his lecture and keeps going with his days.

Taehyung doesn't ever text him.

He never texts him either.

And later, that's how, he guesses, the end of it all begins.

-

Jungkook isn't particularly a fan of snow. It makes him a little depressed, a little sad, even though the world always looks beautiful. So he probably shouldn't be looking outside, and instead should be working on his project, but his mind just doesn't want to work along.

He already fled to some coffeeshop close to his dorm so at least, he doesn't have the distractions of his sketchbook and bed, but now he's here with his laptop on his lap and it's still not working.

He's thinking too much. Thinking about his parents; whether he wants to go home over the holidays. Thinking about work; how anxious it actually makes him and how he'd rather not go but he has to but he has to earn money, and so there are a thousand other things running through his mind while he actually should be focusing on the Multicultural Society and the Dominant Culture in America.

Oh, and in the background, there's always a boy with brown hair and glasses, a boxy smile - one that he hasn't seen in a long time - and slender fingers decorated with rings corrupting his mind.

Jungkook hates it.

And it's not like there's always one particular thought. No; sometimes he's just thinking back about the time they were still together, sometimes he thinks about how much Taehyung annoys him, sometimes he wonders what he ever saw in him because when he thinks about him now he feels a little disgusted and his stomach gives this clench.

There are also these times where he wonders if he's still in love with him, and then he immediately denies it again, although every time he asks himself that, the no, you aren't , after that takes a bit longer to find its way to the surface.

The question comes up more often than he'd like to admit.

It's again been more than a week since their last encounter and Jungkook wonders if that was the last time, if that dreamt goodbye was a real one and if it's just totally over between them, no sex and no talking. Just like normal exes.

Jungkook finds himself wanting to cry when he thinks about that.

He drops his hand into his hands. He wants to sleep; he's tired . Tired of everything.

There's a chime of a bell when the door opens but he doesn't pay any attention to it. Forces himself to focus and-

He knows that voice.

His head snaps up to look at the counter and of course , Taehyung is standing there.

His stomach makes an ugly twist.

It's the first time he sees Taehyung again in now, nine days, and he doesn't know what he's supposed to feel. Wonders if it's right when he doesn't immediately feel disgust.

The guy is breathless and completely wet, water dripping off his hair and Jungkook can see his hands shake even from here. His back his heaving with quick breaths and, a little dumbly, Jungkook realizes that he isn't wearing a jacket.

Huh?

"Can I p-please have a tea? Or- or something else- w-warm, please?"

Jungkook can hear his deep voice waver and ignores the prickle of worry in his chest.

Taehyung doesn't look good. His lips are blue and his hair is drenched but his skin is also pale and he looks like he's lost weight; thin wet shirt hanging off his frame and leaving nothing to the imagination. Together with the dark circles under his eyes, he looks like he's having a rough time, even without the wet clothes and hair.

Jungkook shouldn't care, and yet he does

The barista looks a little confused, but smiles nonetheless, nodding and already typing the order into the screen. "Of course, sir. Which name?"

"Taehyung,"

"Good. That'll be 4 dollar, please,"

Jungkook sees Taehyung dig into his pockets with his shaking hands, but after a few seconds he retracts them empty handed.

"S-shit- I- um, so, someone robbed me and- they took my phone my m-money, so I don't really have a-anything now,"

Jungkook feels his heart drop. Taehyung had been robbed ?

"Um- could you put me on a-a bill or something? T-that I pay later- 's just- I'm really cold and-"

"Sorry, sir, but if you don't have any money I can't do anything for you," the barista says, already waving him off. She doesn't even look apologetic.

Jungkook wants to slap her.

Taehyung curses and turns to the people behind him in the line. There's a guy who doesn't look very happy to be here and two girls giggling with each other. Jungkook doubts he'll have a chance with them in getting a few dollars.

"Hey- could I borrow some money, dude? I'll p-pay you back, just-"

"No," he answers gruffly, hitching his hood further up.

"Oh- okay- um, hi? Does one of you have f-four dollars I-I could borrow?"

"Sorry, we don't have anything," the girl says, not even sparing a glance at him and Taehyung drops his hands. Looks defeated.

Jungkook thought he wanted to see him like that. Turns out he was wrong.

"Sir, if you don't have any money I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're keeping up the line-"

"Can I at least borrow your phone?" Taehyung cuts her off, clenching his trembling fingers into fists.

"That's not in our policy, I'm very sorry." She nods, taps her fingers on the counter impatiently. "Could you step away? Other people want to order,"

Taehyung's mouth opens and closes a few times, his eyes wide and his frame shaking. "I- can I at least stay here until the s-snow stops?"

"Not if you aren't ordering anything, sir-"

"Fuck it," Jungkook mutters as he pushes himself out of his chair, pulling his card out of his pocket and walking towards the counter. He hears Taehyung sigh, lean his hands on the wood and drop his head between them. He sounds like he's going to cry.

"I'm going to need you to leave- "

"I want to order something, please," Jungkook interrupts her as he puts a hand on Taehyung's shoulder and gently pushes him aside a little. He flinches at how cold he is.

The barista's eyebrows raise into her hairline and then her lips morph into a bright smile. "Hello,"

Jungkook is disgusted by her.

"Dude- the fuck?" The guy with the hoodie complains from behind him, tapping him on his shoulder.

"I'll just be a second,"

"Wh- hey, girl, aren't you going to do anything about this?"

"He said he'll just be a second," The barista flips him off, directing her attention to him again. "What can I do for you?"

Jungkook glares at her. "A full leaf tea, please. Large ,"

"Of course. What name should I write on the cup?"

Jungkook glances to the side once, to where Taehyung is looking at him with a wobbling - still blue - lip, his eyes glazed over and a frown between his eyebrows.

"Taehyung,"

The face of the barista falls a little and she scans between them for a second before she shakes her head. "Uh- sure. It'll be 5.50, then,"

Jungkook pays without looking at her and then walks away from the counter, stepping up a little closer to Taehyung.

The guy looks at him with wide eyes and he swallows. Even though they're the same height, he looks so small, so vulnerable with his drenched shirt, trembling frame. His teeth clatter still and he fumbles around a little with his hands, wrenching them together and releasing them. Jungkook wants to take them in his.

"Um- thanks,"

"Sure," Jungkook says. Then he sees a little red line on his throat that makes his heart do a double flip.

He bites his lip and tries not to linger on the little wound. "... You were robbed?"

Taehyung laughs a little, eyes tearing up again. He wobbles for a second, losing balance for a second and on instinct, Jungkook shoots out a hand to steady him by his waist.

"Yeah- yeah. They- um, they had a knife and then-" His voice shakes and Jungkook feels sick at the thought of someone pressing a knife against Taehyung's throat.

"Well, they just took my stuff, 'n all,"

Really, Jungkook only wants to wrap him up in his arms, tell him that he's going to be alright, that he's safe now because he's here , and he wants to give him a jacket and a blanket to warm him up, to make that horrible blue lip go away and make the chattering teeth stop.

But he merely nods. "That's- horrible. Do you wanna call anyone, or something?"

Taehyung snorts. "What, the police? As if they'll do anything for some poor college kid."

Jungkook knows that's true.

"Maybe- Jimin? Namjoon?"

"What could they do?" Taehyung shakes his head. "My dorm is close by, Jungkook. I just needed to take shelter for a little to warm up 'cuz I was really freezing my ass off there,"

Jungkook wants to make some stupid joke like, your ass is fine , but it gets stuck in his throat so instead he nods.

"Thanks again," Taehyung says as he takes his tea from another barista, immediately folding his fingers around it and bringing it close to his body. He sighs contently.

"You're welcome,"

He doesn't know what else to say- doesn't know what else to do so he swallows, gestures towards the cup. "Warm up a bit, yeah?"

"Yeah,"

And then Jungkook awkwardly walks off again, sticking his hands in his pockets and trying to ignore the presence of Taehyung sitting a few tables away while he's doing his work.

He's not really succeeding.

He finds himself glancing at him more than he'd like to admit, checking up on him to see if he's not trembling anymore, whether his lips folded around his warm cup of tea are still blue or if his shirt is drying a little.

It's not.

Sure, his lips start blooming after a while and his cheeks gain a bit of their color back, but he doesn't look okay . His hands are shaking but Jungkook's sure it's not from the cold, and sometimes he ducks his head down and he comes up with red eyes, tears at the brim.

Jungkook really, really tries not to care.

But when Taehyung gets up, throwing his empty cup in the bin and still shivering, Jungkook calls him before he can stop himself.

"Taehyung!"

The guy whips around and seems a little surprised at his voice, frown already on his face and eyes curious, wary too.

While he called Taehyung, he doesn't really know what to say, so he gestures outside, where the snow is still falling down in thick flakes.

"Are you going already? It's not dry yet,"

Taehyung shrugs, runs a hand over his face. "Yeah- I know, but- I really need to get back, y'know I need to block my cards and I have work tonight 'n I need to take a shower before I get sick so- I'm just going. It's probably gonna show for the whole night anyways." He rubs his hands together and Jungkook just-

"Oh,"

"Yeah- so, bye," Taehyung sends him one wave before he walks away but Jungkook is an idiot, an idiot who is not still in love with him- who hates him but he still wants to care for him.

"No, wait,"

Taehyung seems a little annoyed the second time he turns around, eyebrows raised impatiently and Jungkook immediately shrinks a little in his chair.

"What?"

"Uh-" Jungkook licks his lips nervously. "You can't go out like that,"

Scoffing, Taehyung rolls his eyes. Glares at him and Jungkook immediately feels cold again.

"What do you suggest I do? It's not that far Jungkook, I'll survive,"

Yeah, Jungkook knows he will. Knows he also survived a knife to his throat an hour ago and here he is, acting like nothing happened.

Jungkook just maybe wants to give him a hug.

He bites his lips as he slowly slides his leather jacket off his chair. He remembers that time a few months ago just after summer when he'd cornered Taehyung in that closet, when he'd still been so mad at him, mad at everything and only wanted to curse at him, to hurt him. He'd jerked them both off, because Taehyung didn't want to be the one with a dick in his ass that time, and after that Taehyung had wanted to use his leather jacket to wipe his jizz off.

Jungkook had told himself then that Taehyung would never get that jacket, under no circumstance.

And now it's the beginning of december, snow is falling down and oh, how times have changed.

A little shy, maybe even insecure - even though he really doesn't understand why - he holds the jacket out for Taehyung to take. "... Here,"

The shock on Taehyung's face is obvious and briefly, Jungkook wonders if maybe he's thinking about that time, too. That time where they still hated each other so much, where they wanted to rip each other's throats out and solved the tension by fucking.

Jungkook wonders if Taehyung is as confused as he is about his feelings.

Taehyung swallows and slowly steps forward to take it from him, their hands brushing together for a second and Jungkook hates the cliche, but a tiny jolt of warmth shoots through his arm and up.

Taehyung holds the jacket in both his hands, cradling it close to his chest like he's holding the treasure of the earth. His eyes flick up from the black leather to Jungkook's eyes to scan between them. "Wh- oh," He swallows, "Are you sure?"

Jungkook nods, maybe a little too quickly. "Yeah- of course, it's cold. You should- um, you should wear it,"

Nodding slowly, Taehyung slips his arms in the sleeves and zips it up, pulling the collar a little closer to his body.

Jungkook remembers when Taehyung would wear it when they were still dating. It would be Taehyung's favorite piece of clothing to wear and he'd hug himself in it every chance he got, claiming that it made him feel safe and that it smelled like him.

The jacket is still a little big on him, just like it was then, and Jungkook hates the way his heart lurches a little when he sees Taehyung in his clothes again.

"Okay- thanks," Taehyung's hands disappear into the pockets and he looks at him for a few seconds, his gaze unwavering, sharp. But if Jungkook isn't wrong, that's a tiny smile hanging off the corner of his mouth.

"When do you want it back?"

Jungkook shrugs. "Um-,"

He wants to say something along the lines of don't worry about it or keep it as long as you need , but instead he just smiles back a little.

"Bring it by sometime,"

It's not like he says that because he wants Taehyung to come over.

"... 'kay," Taehyung swallows. "Thank you, Jungkook. For- well-"

Jungkook knows what he wants to say.

"You're welcome,"

Taehyung gives him one final nod and then gets out, huddled closely in Jungkook's jacket as he steps out into the snow, hair ruffled from the wind and nose buried in the collar.

Maybe, Jungkook secretly hopes his cologne is stuck on the fabric.

-

To: Taehyung - you free tonight

From: Taehyung - sorry m sick

To: Taehyung - oh

-

To: Taehyung - can you come over

From: Taehyung - um sure

To: Taehyung - actually nevermind got off already

-

From: Taehyung - wanna fuck

From: Taehyung - ?

To: Taehyung - sorry have plans

-

To: Taehyung - are you going to be there tonight

From: Taehyung - yes

From: Taehyung - why

From: Taehyung - should I bring condoms

To: Taehyung - no actually m not coming

-

From: Taehyung - jungkook im so horny get me out of this lecture

From: Taehyung - please i cant anymore please

To: Taehyung - no cant

From: Taehyung - ok

-

To: Taehyung - guess we stopped huh

From: Taehyung - what

To: Taehyung - nvm

-

It's on a cold Thursday night when Jungkook is simply playing some Fortnite that he gets a text. He grabs his phone with one hand, not thinking too much of it and he glances at the screen when-

From: Taehyung - come over

Jungkook's heart catches in his throat and his hand freezes on the keyboard.

It has been more than four weeks since he's last spoken to Taehyung. Jungkook has seen him a few times, but there has been no dick-on-dick action whatsoever. They texted occasionally in the first week after the coffee shop incident, but every time Taehyung suggested sex Jungkook got dizzy and made up some stupid excuse and every time Jungkook needed someone to touch him, Taehyung had a reason not to come.

About two weeks ago, Jungkook got fed up with it, dick hard and hand around it just not satisfying but texting Taehyung seemed a little weak. Seemed sad, since Taehyung hadn't even tried to make eye-contact with him and now Jungkook was begging for him to fuck him?

Hell no.

But he'd been mad. Mad at how they weren't fucking anymore and mad at how they didn't even see each other anymore, not even with friends around and-

That's when he'd sent that one text. Jungkook knew his reasons for stopping seeing him but- he just wanted to know what Taehyung's reason was for suddenly cutting him off.

But after he'd gotten that flat what , he'd been done. And since then, it was like Taehyung had disappeared completely off the earth. Jungkook didn't even see him during lectures- the guy didn't post on social media and his friends never talked about him.

Jungkook doesn't want to say he's worried- but it'd be nice to have some sign that Taehyung's still alive .

Maybe he kinds of- got used to having his presence everywhere, even if he didn't always appreciate it.

The only thing that signed him that Taehyung was still breathing was the fact that a few days ago, he found his leather jacket on his desk, a little note stuck to it that said: thanks -T.

Jungkook won't say he was disappointed, but he was.

(and he also wore the jacket immediately, hoping Taehyung's scent was still on it. It was . He cried a little, nose buried in the collar of the jacket as their song played from the shitty speakers from his phone. Fucking cringe. He hated himself afterwards. And Jungkook also really wondered why he kept it that long)

So now, suddenly getting this text with no other context and no inducement makes him more than a little confused. Just to fuck with the guy, he actually wants to say no, just because he's petty, but his stomach twists and he realizes that he really- really wants to come over.

To: Taehyung - why

The response is instant, almost as if Taehyung had been waiting for him.

From: Taehyung - please just come

From: Taehyung - please

Jungkook swallows. Has a jacket slung around his shoulders before he knows it, the computer still on pause screen but whatever- and he still has half the mind to lock the door behind him before he's out.

To: Taehyung - omw

-

He hasn't knocked twice before the door to Taehyung's apartment already opens, and he gets one glance at Taehyung in low riding sweatpants without a shirt on before he's yanked in by his collar, thrown against the door that closes behind him with a loud bang.

And then Taehyung's lips are on his.

Jungkook freezes as his hands desperately shove under his shirt, holding his bare waist and-

Taehyung is kissing him. Full on- tongue digging into his lip and harsh breaths against his cheek and noses brushing together. Jungkook's back hurts from the impact and he can't breathe from how close Taehyung is holding him but- Taehyung is kissing him. For the first time in fucking months . He tastes like good memories, and his lips feels like home.

Taehyung licks against his lips, holds him close and gives everything- kisses him like he means it.

Almost like he missed him.

Jungkook kisses back.

A floodgate of sweetness opens in his chest the second he lets Taehyung in, warmth blooming in his stomach and fingertips tingling. Immediately, his tongue is curling around his and Taehyung makes a soft sound in the back of his throat, sweet , and Jungkook cups his neck- presses in closer, wants to devour it.

Fuck , he wants him.

"Off," Taehyung mumbles against his lips as he tugs on his jacket and within a few seconds, it's on the floor. Jungkook's hands fly up to grab Taehyung's waist- and he's so warm, so warm and soft and god-

"This too," Taehyung slips his hands under his shirt again and tugs it up and then suddenly, Jungkook's shirtless, pressed against the wall again with a tongue shoved down his throat and hands everywhere, squeezing him and stroking him and-

Jungkook groans when he feels something hard dig into his hip and suddenly, he's a little dizzy, as Taehyung's hand slides into his hair and tugs lightly at the strands, not hard and painful like he's used to.

" Ngh- Taehyung-" Jungkook whines as he cups him through his jeans and he's not surprised Taehyung can immediately trace along the ridges of his growing, hardening cock. Really, he should be embarrassed but this is too much - Taehyung suddenly kissing him and their bare chests sliding together after weeks is too much.

Taehyung pants something incoherent against his jaw and then he's kissing him again, wet lips sliding over his and hot tongue sliding into his mouth with little resistance, Jungkook going completely pliant and knees going weak.

"Don't fuckin' fall," Taehyung says with a huff when he wraps a secure arm around his waist and his hips grind against his.

Jungkook wants- wants to say something- wants to be mad and wants to push him away- wants to claim an explanation for the sudden silence for two weeks and no fucking sex for five but he can't- not when Taehyung bites at his lip, whimpers into his mouth when Jungkook trails his hand over his stomach, up to hold him at his neck, tilting his head to get the angle just right-

"Taehyung-" he breathes against his lips as they part for the slightest, hips crashing together and Jungkook can feel his zipper putting a bit too much pressure on his dick.

Taehyung's eyes are hooded, thick lips wet from spit and red and there's a flush high on his cheeks. Jungkook wonders if he's drunk- if that's the reason he's like this and for some reason, his heart drops to the floor.

"... Are you-" he trails off, not really knowing how to finish his sentence

"Am I what , Jungkook," Taehyung growls as he attacks his neck, sucks at it and Jungkook's head falls back against the door with a thump, stomach tingling with arousal.

"Are you- ah- drunk," he whines while he bites his lip to stop himself from crying out, hips rolling harder against his and heat burning in his veins.

Taehyung pauses for a moment, wet lips pressed against his collarbone and for a second Jungkook worries he's screwed up. That Taehyung will pull back, slap his cheek and not touch him anymore, pull at his hair again and-

But Taehyung doesn't. He lets out a warm huff against his skin and shakes his head. "No- 'm not-"

And that's more than enough for Jungkook to pull him up by his hair and smash their lips together because goddammit , he fucking needs this- he needs those lips on his again after so long- he needs-

Taehyung's hands cup his ass, squeezing the soft flesh through the jeans and Jungkook ruts up against him, desperate for more- something because he needs to touch and this is not enough, he has Taehyung now and he needs all of him now- now .

"Bed?" he manages to ask in between bites at his lip and sucks on his tongue and Taehyung simply scoffs, slides his fingers through his hair and holds him closer- tighter-

"Stop fuckin' talking,"

Jungkook chuckles at Taehyung's groan as he pushes him on the bed and climbs on top of him, straddling his hips and grinding down again. Jungkook's hands fly up to his hips to hold him still because if he's going to continue like that, he's not going to last long. Taehyung smirks.

He's a real sight like this- rolling his hips down on Jungkook's lap, spine arched and legs spread, knees pushing into the mattress at Jungkook's sides. Eyes glimmering above his flushed cheekbones, eyelashes fluttering and dark and gorgeous. He's gorgeous .

He presses his palms over Jungkook's ribs for leverage and rocks his ass down harder, whimpering desperately when he feels Jungkook twitch beneath him.

"Get- get your pants off- now , just-" Taehyung bites his own lip, eyes wide and Jungkook has some idea what he wants to say. He nods furiously, fumbles with his button and when he finally gets it open, he pushes Taehyung aside so he can kick his shoes and pants off, taking his boxers with it in one go.

When he glances to the side again, Taehyung has gotten rid of his sweatpants and is now completely naked too, cock red and hard, twitching against his stomach and a slight smear of precum on his lower stomach, glistening and delicious. Jungkook wants to lick it.

"Jesus- christ ,"

At that thought, he bucks his hips up a little because god , and a groan slips past his lips, hands reaching out to touch . "C'mere,"

Within a second, the guy is on top of him again, rolling his body down. Their cocks slide together smoothly because Jungkook's already wet- he's so wet because Taehyung is on top of him and he's so fucking sexy and it's been so long. He pulls Taehyung closer, hands moving over his waist and thumb playing with his nipple because he knows Taehyung's sensitive there.

Taehyung's hair is ruffled and his lips are slick with spit as he ducks his head down to lick a stripe up Jungkook's neck. It's warm- it's so warm and so slippery and Jungkook arches desperately into him, a hand fisted in his hair and a shudder running over his spine. He kicks his hips up and Taehyung moans, low and soft, before he looks at him for a second and then captures his lips in another kiss again, a little slower and a little deeper.

Jungkook really missed kissing him, he realizes. Sure, kissing is always nice, but kissing Taehyung is- so fucking great. Taehyung kisses with so much care, so much warmth, with gentleness and precision. The way he's stroking his hand through Jungkook's hair and sucks on his tongue makes him absolutely weak, and Jungkook thinks honestly that if he only had to kiss him for the rest of his life he wouldn't mind.

Taehyung's hand slowly travels down to his cock, wraps around it and gives a few slow tugs. Jungkook bites his lip on instinct, whining.

"Tae- hyung, god ," he breathes, his hands resting on Taehyung's waist and just letting him do the work but- he doesn't want this- wants more .

He pushes him away a little, locks eyes with those hooded, dark ones.

"Fuck me,"

A breath rushes out of Taehyung.

"Yeah- yeah, okay, fuck, okay ," he nods, furiously and he rolls his hips down one more time, holy shit , before he's off Jungkook to ruffle through a drawer in the nightstand. He fishes out a bottle of lube and gets on his knees before Jungkook, squeezing the stuff on his hand and it's way too much, it dribbles down his wrist and in between his fingers, coating his rings.

Jungkook manages to chuckle, even with his dick aching . "Easy,"

"Shut up," Taehyung glares, throwing the bottle somewhere on the bed.

"Jeez, really? Gonna curse at me again-" he immediately snaps his mouth shut once there's a finger circling his rim, tip catching on the muscle and stretching it open a little.

"Sorry, what was that?"

He shakes his head, pushing his hips down because Taehyung should just hurry up- goddammit-

"Nothin'- nothin', just do it, you ass- " Jungkook's spine arches as the finger glides in easily, too wet with the lube and a little uncomfortable, but Taehyung starts wriggling it a little, prodding against his walls and- really, Jungkook shuts up for the rest of it.

With one finger completely in, Taehyung's got Jungkook moaning, eyes squeezed shut because it's nice and a little uncomfortable but he needs more. But when he taps at Taehyung's bicep, asking for it, the guy just smirks and keeps teasing.

With the second one in, he's kicking around with his legs because it's too much and yet by far not enough . Taehyung's hand curls around the thickest part of his thigh to hold him down a little as his fingers are prodexactly against his prostate, driving Jungkook absolutely crazy.

"Please- fucking-" Jungkook whines as another blood-hot shudder whacks his body, a drop of sweat sliding down his temple. "Taehyung- do-"

"Patience, Jungkook," Taehyung whispers softly, but Jungkook can see in his eyes that he's holding back too, that he wants this just as bad.

"Just- fuck me already- please ,"

"You're not stretched enough,"

"Don't care- do it,"

Taehyung chuckles and squeezes his leg as he scrapes the pads of his fingers right over Jungkook's prostate, fingering a shocked moan out of him. "Not doin' that, sorry,"

"Why not?" Jungkook's frustrated now- he needs more, needs Taehyung and the guy isn't hurrying, and he still hates him, right, so he should just put his dick in, pound into him and-

"Just- hurt me, come on, "

Taehyung halts for a second, squinting at him. Then he swallows, continues scissoring his fingers. "No, 'm not gonna- not gonna do that,"

Jungkook bites his lip to keep silent, to stop begging, and then finally , feels a third finger prod against his entrance. "Why not- you've- ah- done it before,"

Taehyung is quiet at that and just puts the third in, eyes cast down. Jungkook moans at the burn of the stretch and wriggles back more, tears forming in his eyes and it feels so good- so good and the sounds are lewd, sopping as Taehyung moves his fingers in and out, stretching him more.

If the first finger made him moan, the second made him kick out, the third makes him squirm on the bed, trying to get away and push back at the same time when Taehyung's rings scrape over his rim every time he pushes in to the knuckle. Sobbing, he clenches his hand around Taehyung's wrist, trying to get him deeper- deeper-

"I'm ready- fuck me, now- c'mon Taehyung- pound me-" he blabbers some more, Taehyung torturing him, and then finally , Taehyung moves his fingers out. Jungkook can feel the lube dripping out of him.

Tears form in his eyes at the loss of pleasure and his hand reaches down to tug at his aching cock, angry red and precum dripping out, leaking down the shaft and forming a little puddle on his lower stomach, smearing over the inside of his thighs and coating the head, some more leaking out. It's disgusting, how wet he is- but he can't care now, not when Taehyung moves away-

"Please- Taehyung- do it, please- " he sobs and arches off the bed, fingers fisting into the sheets because he needs it, now, or he'll go crazy and Taehyung is away- looking through that fuckin' drawer again for-

"Just do it without- Taehyung do it without- "

The guy smooths a hand down his thigh, eyebrows creased and he looks so fucked out already, panting and sweat collecting on his brow. It makes Jungkook feel at least a little better- that he isn't the only one this desperate.

"Are you sure?" he asks hesitantly and Jungkook just nods quickly, wriggling his hips back so that his legs can cage Taehyung in.

"Yeah- yes I am- I haven't fucked anyone else- I'm clean, just hurry- "

Taehyung stills and suddenly, Jungkook's heart drops.

"... Wait- have you?"

"No- no I haven't." Taehyung shakes his head and squeezes his leg. Jungkook sighs in relief. For some reason, that makes him feel good.

"I haven't."

"Good, then- go ," Jungkook whines and pats his leg. "I can't hold it any longer- please ,"

Taehyung nods and slicks himself up with more lube, the liquid dripping on the sheets in globs. He lets out a soft moan, thighs trembling and then finally leans over Jungkook, elbows resting on the mattress on each side of his head.

Jungkook breathes out and tries to relax, ready for the pressure and-

But it never comes.

He frowns at Taehyung, his cock twitching against his lower belly. "Wh- Taehyung- come on , I can't keep off longer-"

Taehyung swallows. "I'm-" he mutters, and then leans down to kiss him, tongue sliding slowly in between his lips and despite feeling too desperate, too hot and too on edge, Jungkook just- melts. Combs his fingers through his hair and tugs at the ends, sucks on his bottom lip and feels Taehyung lick behind the backs of his teeth, his hand stroking the skin on his waist too tenderly.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung breathes into his mouth, and Jungkook doesn't know what for, why Taehyung is suddenly saying this or what makes him do it but he pulls his tongue back and instead presses a soft kiss to his lips, hoping that everything he's feeling is conveyed by that.

He thinks it does, by the way the guy whimpers against him, murmurs something incoherent.

Taehyung lines himself up and presses in a little without warning. Jungkook arches off the bed, warmth burning in his stomach at the feeling of the head of his dick slipping in.

"You good?" Taehyung asks, voice rough but words soft.

"Yeah- yeah," Jungkook's hands find his waist and he holds him tight as Taehyung presses further in. The stretch is much, since Taehyung is a lot bigger than his three fingers and it burns , makes tears spring in Jungkook's eyes and makes him whimper, but once Taehyung is in completely it's so good, and he's so full that everything was worth it.

"God- so tight- so tight , Kook," The guy buries his head in the crook of his neck, panting. "Just a little warning- I'm not gonna last long,"

Jungkook chuckles breathily, clutching his shoulders tight. "Don't worry- me either,"

He's already been on edge the whole time, and now, with Taehyung completely filling him up, stretching him open, almost makes him teeter over the edge. He closes his eyes for a second, trying to think about other stuff but it doesn't work- doesn't work when Taehyung suddenly moves a little and nudges against his prostate.

"Ah- fuck ,"

"Does it hurt?"

Jungkook shakes his head. This is the first time in a long time they've been this gentle with each other, and it makes the backs of his eyes sting with unshed tears. It's so- nice, so warm and Jungkook-

He doesn't know. Doesn't know anything and is confused by his feelings so instead of dealing with it, he taps Taehyung's ass once.

"Come on, fuck me good,"

Taehyung doesn't need to be told twice.

Jungkook quickly forgets every single worry, every single thought, and instead gets lost in the brutal pace Taehyung sets from the beginning, dick hitting his prostate with each trust. He loops his arms tight around his neck and moves his legs so that they can wrap around Taehyung's waist, heels digging into the small dips in his back.

He's a moaning mess, tears rolling out of his eyes as Taehyung shoves his hips down in time with each trust, tongue licking over his skin and lips pressing wet kisses everywhere. He's lightheaded, dizzy, too hot from everything and the wet sounds their skin makes when it slaps together doesn't make it better, and he wants- he needs- more, so much more and he needs it harder, faster-

"More- p-please- more- " Sobbing, he holds Taehyung tighter, snagging his lip between his teeth and tugging it down, hands trying to find purchase somewhere- hips bucking up to find friction in between their bodies.

"Fuck- jezus ," Taehyung murmurs and snaps his hips just that bit harder, pace even faster and Jungkook can't think anymore- is overwhelmed by the constant pounding on his prostate and the fact that his dick still hurts so much, begging for release.

"Tae- tae , please ," he whimpers, doesn't know what he's asking for, doesn't know what he needs but vaguely, he realizes he just used a nickname he used back then, when things were still sweet between them and it brings back a floodgate of memories. Flashes of them cuddling on the couch, playing around with the puppy they needed to babysit and baking a cake for Jimin together; clinging onto each other while watching some cheesy cheap horror movie and slow dancing together while they were both a bit tipsy, giggling into each other's mouths and stumbling over each other's feet, when no one could see them and it was just them .

He cries harder and Taehyung's hips hit his ass so hard he's sure it will bruise but for once, he thinks he won't mind it.

"Jungkook- kook ," Taehyung pants into his mouth, tongue sliding messily with his, and it's uncoordinated, it's a mess, spit everywhere and more teeth clashing than comfortable, but it's perfect- it's perfect .

Taehyung slides a hand into his hair, gently tugging at the strands a little and Jungkook opens his eyes to look at him. The guy looks wrecked, and he can see that there are tears on the brim of his eyes too, his lip wavering a little.

"I miss you,"

Jungkook doesn't think when he smashes their lips together again and tugs at his bottom lip with his teeth, licking over it again to soothe the spot. He feels too much- it's too much and Taehyung doesn't cease his brutal pace, makes Jungkook's back arch off the bed, legs wrapping tighter around him to pull him closer. There's a fire burning in his lower stomach and it pulls tight and Taehyung's words- tears spring to his eyes and he tries to say something, but the syllables get messed up with the hiccups and moans.

He doesn't even know what to say back.

But he can tell himself that he still hates him, that he isn't still in love with him and that he never wants to be with him again, but in the heat of the moment, Taehyung pounding into him and pressing wet, sweet kisses to his jaw, where he can't really think anymore, where his mind is a cloud of cotton where he can barely even remember his name, the wet sounds echoing around them, in this moment he can admit that- yes, fuck yes -

"I miss you, too,"

Taehyung whimpers and bites down on his skin a little, slides home once hard . When they lock eyes, Jungkook is sure he's crying but Taehyung's eyes are shimmering too, unshed tears at the corners.

He nods as best as he can, tries to hold his gaze. "So much- Tae, so much ,"

Taehyung silences him with a kiss and it doesn't take long after that before Jungkook finally gives in to the pending release, to the heat coiling tight in his body and when Taehyung hits his prostate dead-on with a trust, he can't hold on any more.

With a broken moan, he comes, spurts his load on Taehyung's stomach and on his own, his hips bucking up and the sticky stuff getting everywhere , and his mouth falls open as the shocks of heat shudder his body, making him see white. He clenches around Taehyung and then, the guy's hips stutter, Taehyung moaning into his ear and Jungkook can feel him twitch inside, his insides becoming even wetter.

"F-fuck- fuck ,"

"Jesus christ ,"

Taehyung holds still for a second while they both recover, mouth resting on his forehead, and then slowly pulls out, kissing him gently. Jungkook feels limp, his limbs weak and exhausted, and his mind is covered by a thick, warm blanket.

And then there's anxiety.

His stomach churns a little uncomfortably when Taehyung rolls off, lying down next to him while he wipes his brow with the back of his hand.

They're silent for a while.

Jungkook's thoughts are loud in his skull.

"You called me Tae ," Taehyung murmurs as he looks at the ceiling.

"You said you missed me,"

Taehyung said he missed him.

"You said it back,"

Jungkook knows he did. He meant it.

After a few minutes of only their harsh breathing sounds filling the room, Jungkook slowly gets up with his weary legs, feeling a little dizzy when he walks to the bathroom and wets a towel under warm water.

When he gets back with the wet thing in his hand, Taehyung is still lying down, hair spread over the pillow and eyes closed, chest rising and falling slightly. He looks angelic.

Jungkook swallows.

Softly, he wipes the precum and come off his stomach, getting the lube off his dick and his balls. Taehyung only watches him when he does with gentle eyes, something in them that Jungkook can still not read.

He doesn't like it.

When Taehyung is clean, he wipes himself off too, making sure the lube dripping down between his thighs is cleaned up a little. He brings the towel back to the bathroom, leaving it in the sink for Taehyung to deal with later.

And then what?

He stands in front of the bed, watching Taehyung. He wonders if he's asleep. Wonders if he should leave. Taehyung would want that, right? He'd want him to leave and just- go home, he'd want them to go back to the way they were before, slapping each other and bruising each other's thighs while they sucked each other off.

Taehyung would want that. Yeah, he would.

Only Jungkook isn't sure if he does.

He gets his boxers off the floor and winces when he feels the chilly wetness on them. The front is covered in clear precum, completely soaking the fabric. It's disgusting.

Taehyung wouldn't mind if he borrowed one of his boxers, right? Can he even ask that- can he do that, that's weird-

"You leavin'?"

Jungkook glances over to the bed and sees Taehyung lazily looking at him, blinking. He swallows and fiddles with the wet boxers in his hand.

"I-" He blows out a breath. "Dunno,"

Taehyung stretches out an arm over the bed and Jungkook looks at it.

He wants to lie there. Can't think of anything else he'd rather do right now.

So he does.

Taehyung gives him a little twitch of his lips when his head hits the pillow.

"So what now?"

Jungkook really- really doesn't have a clue.

He huffs, shakes his head a little. "Like fuck I know,"

Taehyung stares at him for a few seconds, eyes half closed and his bangs pushed back, exposing his forehead. And then he laughs.

As he laughs back, Jungkook realizes that he has really missed laughing with him.

Turning on his side, Taehyung slowly reaches out with a hand and runs his hand through Jungkook's hair. He sighs.

"I meant what I said- you know,"

Jungkook licks his lips and feels his heart pound in his throat. Taehyung meant it, Taehyung meant it.

"Me too," he nods, putting his hand over Taehyung's. It's warm beneath his palm, soft like always.

"We should talk,"

A pause.

"I know,"

And Taehyung is looking at him so sincerely, so openly that, even if Jungkook can't read him like he used to, he can see that he means it. That right now, he's putting the barbed wire on the walls around his heart down, and even though the walls are still there, solid and hard, if he tries hard enough, maybe Jungkook will be able to climb over them. And Jungkook can't- can't take advantage of it. Can't hurt him again.

He doesn't want to.

Slowly, he shuffles a little closer and puts his head on Taehyung's chest, his hair buried in the crook of his neck. He still feels the same, the same as always, the hard planes of his body not comfortable and yet the best thing Jungkook has ever felt.

He moves his arm so that it can rest over Taehyung's stomach, fingers resting on the side of his waist. When he presses his nose against his skin, he can smell it. Taehyung . He smells like- him . No cologne, no fabric softener, just the pure smell of him, a little woody and somehow also like lemon. He can't describe how much he missed it.

Taehyung's arm wraps around his waist, pulling him a little closer against his body. Little patterns are traced into his spine, fingers dancing over his ribs.

"Later," Taehyung whispers, voice muffled into his hair, and Jungkook nods. Feels like he wants to cry from how warm his heart is.

Does he still love him?

"Yeah-" he agrees softly. "Later."

Maybe, he doesn't know Taehyung that well anymore. Maybe they both made mistakes that can't be fixed. Maybe some part in Jungkook still wants to hurt him, is still mad at what happened between them. But also, maybe he can learn how to accept the amazing feeling whenever Taehyung presses his lips to his. Maybe he can learn how to read him again, know what's going on in his mind with one single glance like he used to.

Maybe he can learn how to love him again.

He doesn't know how- knows that it will be hard and that it will hurt and that maybe it will leave them even more broken than they are now- but Jungkook will be damned if he doesn't give every last bit of himself to at least try .

And with the way Taehyung holds him tighter and presses a kiss to his hair, he knows Taehyung will too.