Unlike the night before, Jay and Erin found themselves in a busy bar. So busy, in fact, that it was standing room only. After they had found themselves a spot over on the left side of the room, Erin had fought her way through to the bar to get their first round in.
Standing there watching her, Jay found himself wondering if she was the same Erin as before. The answer, he had to admit, seemed like it was no. The five years had changed her. New York had changed her. The FBI had changed her. But then five more years working for Hank Voight had probably changed him too, he imagined.
Erin spoke differently now, especially at work. She was firmer, more authoritative, and there seemed to little humour in her. It was a shame. Her dry humour was something he had always liked. Maybe it was still there, but the stress of her return and her new job was hiding it? He wanted to find out. He wanted to find out a lot of things. In truth, he didn't how much of the Erin he knew and loved still remained. Her looks sure did. Holy shit she was beautiful. In a way, it had faded a little from his memory just how it made him feel when he looked into her eyes. He couldn't even have described it himself if he had been asked to. All he knew was that he wanted to do it more and more. He wanted to kiss her, to taste her lips against his...
A guy who was standing neat to Jay stepped backwards and bumped into him, snapping him out of the moment. Or the day dream. Or the fantasy. Whatever it had been, it was gone now.
"Sorry, man," the clumsy idiot said to him.
Jay nodded to him, deciding not show his annoyance.
A few minutes later, Erin returned with two bottles of beer. "Don't you hate it when a bartender has no manners?" she said, handing one to him.
"Yes. I make sure to be rude back to them if they're like that," Jay said. It made Erin laugh. It was the first time he had seen her do that since her return from New York. Her entire face lit up when she laughed. It was a truly gorgeous sight.
An awkward silence settled on them as they both realised that after so long they didn't really know how to start a conversation with each other about something other than work or Erin's leaving for New York.
"So, what do you do with yourself now when you're not working?" she ventured.
"Not much if I'm honest, which sounds pretty embarrassing. I threw myself into the job a lot these past few years. Apart from that the only social things I do are going out for drinks with the rest of the team, and sometime I'll watch a game with Kev and/or Ruze and Kim."
Jay knew she would know he was talking about baseball. It was the only sport he followed, and she liked it too.
"The Cubs killed it last season," Erin smiled. "I've kept up with their results as much as possible. Much like you, I've been largely job focused."
And there they were, gravitating back to talking about work again. At least they were talking, and the conversation was a happy one. Jay decided to roll with it. The personal connection would re-establish itself with time. "You liked the job then?" he asked. "I think I'd hate a job I was forced to take and stick with. Knowing you, I'd certainly expect you to hate it."
Erin took a hit from her beer. "Oh, trust me I hated it to begin with. I'd say for about a year I resented every day I had to work with that unit. It didn't help that the agent in charge was a real asshole. He treated the team, especially me, like dirt. Luckily he was reassigned maybe ten months after I got there, and he was replaced by a female agent called Tessa Blanchard. That was when it turned around for me. We worked well together, got along okay, and most importantly she liked to teach people. There's no way I'd be a Sergeant right now if it wasn't for her. Voight taught me a lot about detective work, but he never taught me leadership."
"I'm glad you had someone good to mentor you," Jay smiled after drinking some beer, thinking better of saying that so far he didn't like the leadership that he had seen.
"I know you find it awkward having me as your boss, Jay. After today I know Ruzek doesn't like it either. But as far as you and I are concerned we've got to separate work from our personal lives if this is going to work between us. I meant it when I said I want us to give it a shot. Let's do it the right way and actually give it a chance to work, okay?"
She's right, Jay thought. If he couldn't get that divide figured out in his head, their latest attempt at a relationship was going to go the way of the previous attempts. He had to get his head right. This was Erin, the woman he loved, the woman he had pined for after she had left. She was back now, and he had to make sure not to screw things up.
So, what was the best way to start? A date, he thought. He should take her on a date. But what kind of date? His eyes settled on a poster over on the opposite side of the bar. They were advertising cheap drinks for the upcoming opening day of the baseball season, now only a few days away. The Cubs were playing at home, too. What better than an opening day game for a date?
"The Cubs game. I could buy us two tickets," he said.
"Oh, uh, okay," Erin said, surprised. "As long as we're not working, that sounds good."
"At least you still like baseball. I thought you might have come back saying you play golf now or something," Jay said with a laugh.
"I've never picked up a golf club in my life," Erin said with a laugh of her own. "The only new thing I picked up was scuba diving. I'm certified."
"Oh! Well, that's different. I've never tried it."
"Yeah, I did a course down in Florida when I was on vacation with... with a guy I was dating," Erin said, faltering as she realised the road she had gone down without thinking about it.
She dated someone, Jay thought. There was no reason she shouldn't have, he supposed. After all, they hadn't been together because she had run away before he'd had the chance to propose. But the thought of her smiling and laughing with someone else, kissing someone else, maybe loving someone else, made him feel angry inside.
"How long did you date him for?" he asked, feeling himself tensing up in preparation for the answer.
"About a year. It ended maybe eighteen months ago. You don't have to worry, Jay, he's totally out of the picture. We ended it on fairly good terms."
"Okay," was all he could manage to say. Someone had dated Erin for a whole year. That was time they could have spent together, if only she had stayed.
"What about you? You must have dated people?" she asked before downing some more beer.
"No," he said, shaking his head. It actually sounded pretty pathetic, he realised. "There have been a couple of one night stands, but I've not dated anyone." I wanted you, he didn't add.
Erin finished off her beer and held the bottle out to him. "Well, you're dating someone now, so you'd better get up to the bar."
"Yes, boss," Jay said with a smile, and he got one in return. Her eyes gleamed as she smiled, and he knew that would likely be the moment he would remember when the evening came to an end, since a kiss at the end of it was unlikely.
They were making progress, slowly, as she had requested, but it was progress nonetheless.
The visit to the bar with Erin hadn't lasted long. Two beers for her, and a beer and a fruit juice drink for Jay, who had been driving, was all they'd had before she had wanted to take off.
Keep taking it slow. Be thankful that she's back and you're working on it, he had told himself.
Erin was living in a small house that belonged to someone Voight knew, Jay had learned when he dropped her off there.
"It's not much, but it'll do until I find myself a place," she had said. And with a peck on the cheek, she had gotten out of his car.
"Goodnight, Erin," he had said as she stood with the door open, looking back into the car.
"Goodnight, Jay. Drive safe."
With that, she had banged the door shut and walked off towards her front door. Jay had watched her go, finding her so sexy in her tight black pants maroon leather jacket. He had always had a thing for leather, and Erin wore it often. How he would have loved to go inside with her, to kiss her, to hold her, to...
A car horn made him jump. He was parked in the road and someone had come up behind him. How did he keep getting interrupted like that when he was thinking about Erin? He didn't know, but it was seriously annoying.
With a wave to Erin, which she returned, he pulled away. The question on his mind was what to do next. He didn't feel like he was done for the night. Maybe he could get take out food from somewhere, he thought. Then an idea came to him. He could get take out for three and go over to see Ruze and Kim. God knew they'd had a rough day, assuming Adam had given her the bad news. Some company might be just what they needed.
Arriving at Adam and Kim's house with a big bag of Chinese food, Jay wondered what state he was going to find them in. He hoped that if Kim had been given the news, she wasn't as devastated as Ruze had said she would be. Thinking about his friend losing her dream job for nothing more than having a kid got Jay feeling angry again about Lindsay's decision once more. In his opinion it was heartless, and it was wrong.
It was Adam who opened the door. "Oh, hey," he said, looking happy to see a friendly face.
"I brought Chinese," Jay said, brandishing the plastic bag.
"Oh nice, thanks," Adam said, allowing him in and closing the door. "We haven't eaten yet. I was going to start dinner soon."
"How's Kim?" Jay asked. His question obviously meant, 'Have you told her yet?'
"About as upset as I thought she would be. She's just getting Alex down to sleep."
As he said it, Kim's footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. "Who was it?" she called out in a muted tone, so as to avoid waking their young son.
"It's Jay. He's brought Chinese food."
Kim came around the corner, looking tearful and touched by the fact that he had come over to see her.
"Hey, Kim. I'm really sorry," was all Jay could say to her. He wished he could say or do more.
"Oh, Jay," she gasped, walking into his arms for a hug. "How could she do this to me? Erin of all people? I can't believe it."
"I know. Neither can I," Jay assured her. Looking at Adam, he saw pain in his friend's eyes. His fiancee was hurting and there was nothing he could do to help her.
"She was my friend and she knows I'm good at what I do. The Erin I knew would never have done this. She's obviously changed, Jay," Kim said.
"I know," Jay said sympathetically as they parted. "Trust me when I say no one on the team wanted this to happen. None of us like the start she's made to running the team."
Suddenly, he realised the position he was potentially putting himself in. If Adam and Kim found out he was dating Erin they would possibly feel betrayed by it, since they were now in the anti-Lindsay camp. Whereas if Erin found out he was talking about her management of the unit like that behind her back, she would definitely be pissed off with him. He was going to have to start being careful in maintaining his position on the dividing line he was straddling in case it all blew up in his face.