Taekook Smuts and Drabbles

Unwanted Butterflies (cont.)

Chapter Eleven: The Futile Attempt Of My Heart

"So let me get this straight. Basically the trip was good but your fuck-buddy got mad at you and suddenly started ignoring you?" Jin asks, eyebrows raised in surprise as he listens intently to Taehyung's words. The whole story sounds too much like a k-drama and he actually admires Tae for having such a dramatic outcome to his business trip.

"Why do you say fuck-buddy when you already know we're talking about Jungkook?" he asks back, voice muffled by the pillow his face is currently buried in.

"'Cause I'm kinda waiting for you to correct me and tell me he's more than that," comes the older's easy reply, his right shoulder raising and falling as the words leave his mouth. He's inspecting his nails, the stance indifferent as if he didn't care that much for Taehyung's current predicament.

"He's not though, why would I do that?" Tae asks, looking up from his pillow with furrowed eyebrows.

Seokjin sighs dramatically, hand thrown over his forehead like a damsel in distress. "I love you Tae but sometimes you are really dense."

This makes the younger grunt, but the sound is once again muffled by the pillow and it comes out more like a whine."Whatever, I don't give a shit."

"Sure doesn't seem like it since you've been moping from the moment you came through the door."

That isn't entirely true considering Jimin ambushed him as soon as he got there and hugged the living shit out of him, apologies falling from his mouth like water even when Tae had been wrong in the first place. So they both apologized continuously like the two idiots they are (fighting never quite suit them) and ended up cuddling on the couch watching TV until Yoongi came over and joined them.

Tae grabs the pillow and refrains from punching it when Jin sends him a warningly raised eyebrow. He's wearing an oversized beige sweatshirt that would usually make him look like a lost, adorable puppy but isn't quite doing the job combined with his fiery eyes.

"Yes and you've been glowing, is my boss that good of a fuck?" he asks either way, a challenge in his tongue.

Seokjin grins as if he just asked exactly what he wanted to hear. "He is so much more than a fuck, Tae. See? Not that hard."

Taehyung rolls his eyes, choosing to ignore the bubbling anger as to not physically hurt his friend. "So are you two like in love or some shit?"

He flinches at his own words. He sounds like a rebellious teenager.

"We're on our way to it, yes. He makes me happy, I make him happy, what is there to make me run away? I'm not you," he finishes with a sly smile that makes the younger wonder if he has a death wish. This time he grabs the pillow and throws it against the wall, no longer concealing his anger and also wishing to show Seokjin just how mad he is, in case his cursing and enraged eyes aren't enough of a giver. Because yeah he might want to punch his friend but he'd never actually dare doing that.

"Okay that's it, stop it. Namjoon and you may be all lovey-dovey which is still creeping me out by the way, but do not compare your situation with mine," he says, voice clear and determined despite the slight shaking on his fingers. He clasps his hands together in a futile attempt to make it less obvious to Jin; as if he didn't see everything. He even has the nerve to look amused.

"Why not?"

"Because! Me and Jungkook have hated each other for years and now have barely begun to get along and he's already back to hating me so why on earth would our situation be any similar to your obviously successful relationship with my boss!?" he yells, now standing up from the bed with bright eyes like those of an offended puppy. His hair is a mess due to all the tugging he's been doing ever since the plane landed on Seoul, his lips are red and bitten and a small part of him asks himself why and more importantly when did Jungkook begin to play such an important role in his mood.

"Wow, okay. I mean, I knew you were upset but wow," Seokjin says, lips twitching with entertainment despite his friend's obvious about-to-lose-it state.

And Taehyung has fucking has it.

"Of course I'm upset! What the fuck is his issue!? We were getting along, I was being so damn nice, I swear," he shakes his head, feet dragging him across the room. "We even had a snow battle and made out in Yoyogi Park like---it was cute, okay? And now he's back to being that jerk I knew he always was," he throws his head backwards, lets out a guttural groan that has Jin's eyes widening. "I don't even know why I expected him to change. It was probably just the change of scenery that flipped some switch inside him and turned the guy into an actually decent human being for two days," Taehyung lets out a humorless laugh before glancing at Jin with wonder, as if waiting for an answer he never even asked. Two seconds later though, he continues, unfazed, "But even that is too much to ask, huh? Couldn't even wait to get on the plane back to Seoul to---"

"Okay! Got it, relax. Deep breaths, come on," Seokjin says, blinking out of his stupor as he walks the small distance across the room towards Taehyung whose breathing is far from regular. The older places a comforting, warm hand against his back, patting him softly.

"Fuck him, seriously! Him and those fucking poems I swear," Tae adds, barely registering his friend's ministrations.

"Poems? Oh God, does Jeon Jungkook write poetry?!" Jin asks, mouth open in bewilderment.

"Shit, I wasn't supposed to say that. Ugh! See? He makes me do bad things!" the younger raises his voice once again, head hanging low like a scolded kid. As much as he wishes he wasn't suffering, it warms up Seokjin's heart to see him like this; if he had any doubts about his friend's obvious feelings towards Jungkook, he doesn't anymore. No one gets that passionately upset over something without a part of them loving it dearly.

"Can't deny you seem riled the fuck up," he chuckles as he moves to the bedside table to grab the cup he set down a few minutes ago. "Come on, drink the tea and relax," he whispers, pushing the cup towards the younger who holds it like a treasure. He takes a long sip and sighs.

Looking up at his friend with wet eyes, he asks, "God, why am I such a mess, Jin?"

And Jin could tell him how he was in love once, too. May even be in love now again. He could tell him how it takes a part of you and transforms it into something else entirely; not something good or bad, just something else . He could tell him how it's okay, how love is this beautiful, precious thing that can either break you or make you and how much he wishes it's the latter for him.

But they say your first love never works and Tae has never been in love before. How is he even supposed to recognize the fluttering in his stomach as lovely butterflies when they're unwanted?

So instead, with a small reassuring smile, he says, "Aren't we all?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Namjoon asks Jungkook when he's back in their apartment. The younger's eyes are covered with his left arm thrown carelessly over his face, back laying on the cushions, head resting against the armrest. He's been trying hard to get some sleep for the past two hours since that's always been the easiest way out of any conflict. Whenever his father's words would touch a nerve (almost every day), he'd hide away on Hoseok's bed or his own, and sleep. Sleep never came fast enough when he specially needed it. His therapist was worried about him saying he sometimes wanted to sleep and never wake up, back when he was twelve.

It's scary how that feeling has never fully left his mind.

"No," comes his reply to which Namjoon sighs. He's been getting better, he knows it, so what happened? He even talked to Hoseok a day ago and his cousin told him how Taehyung could actually help Jungkook heal. Heal for good. He already knew that, of course, but to hear it coming from someone else makes a wave of unfiltered relief hit him straight in the face.

"Did something---?" he begins, because even though he knows it's futile and the more you push Jungkook the more he pulls back, even though he's had years of experience with how broken his brother is, even then he still loves him unconditionally and worries to no end.

"Stop, just don't. Leave me alone," he answers without even uncovering his eyes from the protection of his arm. His voice holds that bitter edge he has whenever he's thoroughly upset over something. Namjoon wishes he was Hoseok right now and knew what to do, knew the exact words that could help relieve some of Jungkook's burden. But he isn't Hoseok and will never be. He used to be jealous of his cousin, used to hate how close he was to his little brother even though the three of them were family. When he was young and naive he even thought their closeness may've been due to the fact they shared pure Jeon blood and he didn't. When he turned sixteen he realized how stupid that thought was; it wasn't about blood, it was just that their bond was deeper and Hoseok always knew just how to smile, what to say, how to hold his brother and make him feel safe. And Namjoon didn't; whenever he even tried, Jungkook would push him away.

He wondered whose fault was it they couldn't get along; not like that, at least. After years of blaming himself, he's started to believe part of his brother hates him for some unknown reason that in times like these, makes him feel completely useless. Aren't siblings supposed to be there for each other?

With a heaved sigh, he turns around and leaves Jungkook there, suffering in silence.

Taehyung dyes his hair once again to light brown a day before heading back to the office on Monday morning. He's currently inspecting the color with narrowed eyes, feeling a lump in his throat at the many memories a simple hair color could hold. He won't dye it to purple ever again, he decides with a quick shake of his head, letting go of his soft hair and focusing once more on the codes written across his computer.

He pretends he doesn't see Jungkook come into the office about an hour later (because of course he can come in at any time he pleases). He also pretends he doesn't notice the bags under his eyes nor the pursing of his lips. He looks like a mess, a hot one obviously but a mess nonetheless. It makes something in Tae break. He wonders if perhaps something happened while he was in the bathroom talking to Jimin, if something personal occurred and that's why he snapped at him. It may not even have something to do with him at all, and here he was judging Jungkook already. Again.

He feels like the biggest asshole in the world and is just about to stand up, knock into his door and try to fix this huge mess when Namjoon's assistant is suddenly smiling down at him from the wall of his cubicle. "Mr. Kim would like to see you in his office," she says with a sweet voice.

"Right now?"

She nods before leaving and Taehyung bites his lip, deciding to postpone his visit to Jungkook's office for later. He stands up and follows the petite woman towards Namjoon's office, choosing to take the elevator.

After about three minutes he stands in front of the door that reads in thick, golden letters KIM NAMJOON - Executive Director.

A nice way of saying CEO.

He knocks softly but loud enough for the older's voice to be heard through it instants later, welcoming him in. He walks inside, door closing behind him and making an unsettling noise as it meets the threshold. He sits down in one of the chairs opposite his boss's desk, smiling kindly at the other male and trying to hide his awkwardness. The last time he was here Namjoon told him a lot of things he probably shouldn't have; he doesn't know quite how to approach him now, so he waits for his boss to talk first and after a few seconds of hesitance, he does.

"Good morning, Mr. Kim."

"Good morning," he pauses to clear his throat before saying, "If you don't mind me asking...why am I here?"

He knows he could've tried making small talk, but he doesn't want to risk the conversation heading into Jungkook's direction again.

Namjoon smiles back at him and opens his mouth to respond before the door bursts open again and Jungkook himself comes walking in, not wasting a second before plopping in the chair beside him recklessly. He doesn't even glance his way.

It only takes a second for his brother to jump straight to the point, though. They both seem to be in some kind of rush to get this over with. Whatever this is.

"So I called you two here to congratulate you on the meeting. It really did go well. We got everything we needed from your notes, Taehyung," says his boss and of fucking course, he should've seen this coming. It's basic protocol for the company to let their employees know when they've done a good job (a better than expected one) to encourage them to keep improving. Obviously, most companies don't bother in doing it but it actually works as a charm when done; the workers get incentives to work harder that don't require a raise and, just like kids in kindergarten who get a golden star after making a nice painting, they'll try harder the next time to get that sense of success and approval again. Tae remembers Yoongi telling him all of this once, with all of his cynicism the guy does know a lot.

And although Taehyung doesn't strive for Namjoon's compliments, it does feel good to hear it. "I'm glad, Mr. Kim," he nods.

"We also are pleased to announce we discovered who the spy in the office was and he's already been taken care of," he explains, hands intertwined in front of him in a formal, mature matter.

"Can we leave now?" Jungkook interrupts in a bored tone just when he was about to ask who the culprit was. He really wonders why Jungkook is here at all considering he didn't even want to go on the trip in the first place.

"Um, actually there was something else I...I'd like to ask you two," Namjoon says, hands tightening his tie out of instinct.

"What is it?" Taehyung asks, slightly apprehensive.

"Me and Jin were wondering if you'd like to have dinner with us," he replies and um okay Tae did not expect that.

"What? Us? Why? No," he says, words barely making any sense as they clash between his teeth.

"Hoseok told me you two were dating---" he lies, but he's always been a good actor (ok that's a blatant lie, in fact it was Jin who gave him some tips as to how to lie). They had shared each of their information on both Taehyung and Jungkook, trying hard to come with an explanation as to why they were both mad at each other. This had been Jin's final idea to find out and Namjoon had been weary at first but he was too whipped to say no.

"He did what?" Jungkook asks, voice surprised and Tae can hear the hint of disgust in his words. He feels like an idiot for even considering being nice to him.

"As if I'd ever date him ," Taehyung replies with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest. He is too busy staring at his boss to notice Jungkook's hurt flash through his eyes. But Namjoon does notice and fuck, it's so clear now that he feels like shit for even trying this just to find out what was wrong with his brother. Either way, he did find out so it was worth the pain.

"Um, okay. I'm sorry then, I was mistaken," he says with a pretend embarrassed sigh.

"And why did Hoseok even say that? What does an employee know?" Tae questions, eyebrows raised in confusion.

"He's our cousin," Namjoon explains as if it were obvious but it definitely wasn't for Taehyung.

"Oh," is all he says as the pieces start to piece themselves together and make actual sense. Then that's why he's so close to Jungkook, why they laugh together and share lunches and---he's such an idiot.

And with that, Jungkook stands up and storms out of the office.

Namjoon can't even be bothered to blame him this time.

"Can you stop moping for like five minutes and eat something?" Hoseok is asking Jungkook as the younger does nothing but write down on his black notebook. He's seen the thing countless of times before, he always takes a journal with him wherever he goes and he finds it more endearing than anything else. While some people may drown their problems in alcohol or drugs, his cousin drowns them in poetry and words and rhymes and sounds...yes, his words make sound on themselves as they stumble and fall on top of one another. He's read some of his poems, the ones he'd let him read. They were always full of emotion and felt like art against his eyes, like a painting coming to life, a wall raising on itself. That was how good he was. How good he still is, and Hoseok can only imagine how much better he could get if he only tried to leave the fucking company and make a living out of every word he's ever written.

Jungkook doesn't reply to his question and Hoseok is seriously starting to worry.

"Can you at least tell me what's wrong? You first don't answer my calls nor my texts, then you don't even tell me you got back to Seoul. I had to find out by Namjoon! And now you're ignoring me?" he asks, head shaking in disbelief. It's been a bit over a week since he came back from Japan and he's been acting like a recluse since. Hoseok let it slip a few times when he barely reacted to his jokes during lunch time at the office, even decided not to bring up the fact that he'd declined his calls whenever he tried to reach him, but when he started not even showing up at the office at all, he knew something was seriously wrong.

"It's not about you, okay? I'm just---writing," is all he replies, eyes not even bothering to look up from his paper.

"Yeah, I can see that. Did something happen with Taehyung?" he asks even though he knows something has to have happened with Taehyung; it's not like the younger's brain has any other name tattooed all over. Jungkook opens his mouth and closes it for a few seconds that taste like eternity in Hoseok's lips before finally blurting out,

"Besides the fact that I found out I'm in love with him the same day he clearly decided I'm not good enough to date him? Nah, not much."

Hoseok swears he feels his heart skip a few beats. He blinks; once, twice. "What!? You found out! What?! Oh my God, how the fuck could you keep this from me!?" he asks, betrayal laced deep in his voice as he shakes his head, denial clouding his vision. Of all the things he'd thought could've happened in Japan, this certainly wasn't in the list. His little cousin is as dense and stubborn as they get, and he thought he'd take at least one more month until finally admitting his feelings for Taehyung.

"Shh, lower your damn voice," Jungkook groans even though they're in the younger's living room and Namjoon isn't home.

"I can't! My emotions!" Hoseok whines, hands gesturing in the air, cheeks rosy with emotion. He's been waiting for this moment for way too long by now. It is sad how much he cares about his cousin's love life, but there's not much he can do about it. He wants him to be happy and Taehyung seems to do the job...well, at least when they aren't fighting like two idiots.

"It's over anyway so forget about it," he grunts, eyes back to his notebook. The black ink spills from the pages like petroleum. Hoseok stares at the words written over and over again all over the exposed paper; enough enough enough enough enough enough.

It's like an endless cycle, a mantra. One of the many words that Jungkook shouldn't have learnt at the young age of seven. The memory of Hoseok's uncle's red face screaming how his cousin wasn't good enough still haunts him to this day. He can only imagine how much of a nightmare it means for the other male.

"What?"

"I heard him talking through the phone with Jimin. He doesn't want me that way," he explains and his voice is so apathetic, entirely stolid in a way that would fool Hoseok if he hadn't spent the majority of his childhood whispering fairy tales at his cousin's ear under the warm blankets of his bed. He knows Jungkook far too well to fall under the heartless facade he enjoys putting on when things get too real.

"Is Jimin the guy from the company's party?" Hoseok asks, eyebrows knit on his clear forehead. It's an easy question, one that doesn't exactly require a forward digging into his deepest emotions. He can make his way there himself.

He remembers faintly chatting with a guy under that name and his boyfriend, was it Yoonso? Yoongo?

"Yeah, his best friend," comes Jungkook's uninterested reply.

The older heaves a sigh. He wonders if he should get paid for being so patient, if someone should give him a medal or some kind of recognition for the effort that refraining from screaming right now, is. But he dismisses the thought as soon as it appears in his head like a warning sign, feeling instantly guilty for thinking that way. He'll help his cousin find happiness regardless of how tiring it may be because he loves him and Jungkook hasn't been truly happy in forever.

"So you're just gonna give up instead of telling him how you feel?" he questions, praying for his words to come out calm and gentle instead of like a feral growl.

"I already know how he feels, why would I make a fool of myself even further? I was lucky to overhear that conversation at all. It saved me the trouble," he replies, voice still monotone and cold. Hoseok shivers despite himself. Jungkook sounds as if he's already thought of all the variables and probabilities to only find the same inevitable ending to each one. His cousin hates himself for thinking Mr. Jeon would be proud of his son right now; but he knows he would be. The capacity of such a cold-blooded gaze is all his father's product.

"For fuck's sakes, you can't just give up for something you heard!" he tries to rationalize with him nonetheless, teeth digging into the tender skin of the inner corner of his mouth. He can't let Jungkook give up, not now after how far he's gone, after all he's been through to come clear about his feelings, to let himself feel anything remotely beautiful despite thinking he's unworthy of such pleasures.

"Why would he lie to his best friend?"

"I don't know the guy, he might be as dense as you are," Hoseok shrugs because he's seen them both fight before and they are meant for one another; so similar in some aspects and different in others. Just like love is, an infinite contradiction.

"Stop it, it's over. He deserves someone better," Jungkook finishes, voice final, the bobbing of his adam's apple like a full stop on a sentence that shouldn't have been spoken in the first place.

Hoseok can't help himself when he says, "Just because your father has told you---"

The younger huffs a laugh the kind old politicians practice in front of a mirror to fool the crowd into believing they're capable of mercy. "Don't."

Hoseok hates this Jungkook, this person with such ferocity in his irises that shouldn't reside in a person's morning gaze. As soon as you wake up is when you're the most vulnerable, the most exposed to your natural self. And this isn't Jungkook's natural anything.

But he's had experience with this Jungkook, too and he knows just what to say and which buttons to push to make him snap out of it. "I actually came here because I heard he was going to talk to Taehyung. Probably about the trip---"

Jungkook's eyes fill with color, emotion, raw surprise mixed with mild panic and a hint of fear, in the span of a millisecond. "No way," he utters through tight lips, the hold on his pen even tighter.

His cousin stares at him with fake confusion, silently urging him to elaborate.

"Taehyung can't meet him, Hoseok."

And Hoseok knows why he doesn't want Taehyung to meet Mr. Jeon. If it were up to Hoseok, even himself would never see his uncle ever again, but it's not like he'd ever dare leaving Jungkook trapped in that damn office alone for his father to feed from.

"Kookie---" he begins, the old nickname bringing a thousand memories back. He's closing the gap between them as if his words could dig deeper by just getting closer to the younger.

"No. I can't even begin to stress how much Taehyung can't meet him, do you hear me?" he asks, hands balled up into fists. Hoseok feels guilty for bringing the subject up at all, but at least now Jungkook isn't pretending anymore. They both know there's no way Mr. Jeon wants to meet Taehyung simply to chat about the trip. He isn't Namjoon, he considers himself too important to handle those minor issues.

He stares at him with pitiful eyes, mouth down at the sides in a grimace. "It's not going to change how he sees you..." he says in a soft voice, hoping it somehow reaches him.

"It may make everything worse," Jungkook mumbles, eyes lost in the word written on his notebook like a permanent reminder of his downfall.

"No, it won't. He knows you better than whatever your stupid, fucked-up father may say," he continues, eyes hard at the thought of that man and the possible things he could tell Taehyung.

"You know him, Hoseok. It's not just what he says," his words are a whisper that gets lost inside his apartment, slamming against the walls soundlessly.

For the first time in years, Hoseok feels truly useless.

"It's really an honour to finally meet you, Mr. Jeon," Taehyung says, the words feel like sand against his tongue but he can't bring himself to stop them from leaving his pursed lips. He can't risk making a bad first impression with the funder and owner of Bangtan, regardless of how he may feel about everything he knows about the man.

He pretends he doesn't see the lines around his eyes that are the same as the ones around his son's eyes whenever he would throw a tantrum. The resemblance isn't terrifyingly similar, but he can see they're related by their eyes; intimidating, aggressive, they hold an undeniable superiority that fades in Jungkook's irises whenever he's staring at something he values. Taehyung thinks Mr. Jeon's eyes are probably unable to ever make it fade.

His suit is a deep navy blue and just by looking at it for a few seconds one can tell how expensive and fancy it is. The fabric looks like something soft and velvety that he could never afford, and the white shirt underneath is immaculate, the tie a spotless black. It makes Taehyung feel cheap and tacky in his own old grey suit.

And of course, his office. If he'd thought Namjoon's was out of this world, Mr. Jeon's is like the king's chamber in the realm. Everything is in a dark, intimidating hue. The lights are dim, the desk in the middle of the room is bigger and more prominent than it probably should be. The office has no windows whatsoever, despite having the opportunity to have the best view in the entire building.

"Thank you, I'm glad we could finally meet up," he smiles, and he looks so sincere that Taehyung is taken aback for a moment. "Your notes helped our company enormously, you're a very assiduous employee."

Tae tries to remember the meaning of that word but fails.

"I was just doing my job, sir. But the compliment is greatly appreciated," the younger replies with a court nod, lips twitching as he deliberates whether he should smile or not. He's too nervous and shaken up to think clearly.

Mr. Jeon makes the decision for him when the smile he had put on seconds ago vanishes from his face like it was never there to begin with. The change in his expression is so abrupt that Taehyung can't help the widening of his eyes nor the swallowing of his throat.

"I have understood that my son accompanied you on the trip, is that right?" questions the mid-age man, though it sounds more like a statement than a question on itself.

The last thing he feels like doing is discussing Jungkook with the guy's father and his boss's boss at that, but there's not much he can do about it.

"Yes..." he mumbles, trying hard not to let his eyes wander around the office. It's hard to stare right back at Mr. Jeon, for there are thousands of secrets tangled up through the dark brown of his irises and it makes goosebumps grow in Taehyung's skinny arms. But he does it anyway, to show some fake strength or some absurd defiance, he doesn't know.

"Did he invite anyone over? He tends to do that a lot," he says with indifference, but it's the sheer disappointment on his voice that makes Taehyung's own eyes harden. This is the man that stole Jungkook's dreams to fill his pockets with selfishness. This is the man that relishes in the fact his youngest son is suffering only six floors down. And that's when Taehyung knows; this meeting isn't about him at all.

"Um no, he didn't."

He didn't need to. He had me.

"Indubitably?" he arches an eyebrow so high it makes Tae think the hair must be fake. His movements seem planned, not random in the slightest but actually thought-through. It scares him. Mr. Jeon opens a drawer then and Taehyung faintly wonders if he's going to take a gun out and shoot him. He doesn't even know why such an awful thought makes its way through his mind. When the man takes out a bottle the size of his arm though, he flinches. "Want some scotch? It's rather piquant."

Taehyung has never heard that word in his life before. It could mean poison for all he knows.

"Sure," he says anyway because it feels wrong to say no. Mr. Jeon smiles at this and pours some of the brown, golden liquid in a glass before pushing it in his direction. Taehyung holds it in his hands and sighs in relief when they aren't shaking. He doesn't intend to drink it, not really but his boss is staring at him intently, waiting for him to take a sip. It's all the more awkward and poisonous in his mind when the notices the other man isn't having any.

He smiles a clipped smile before raising the glass carefully to his mouth. The glass itself is thick and smooth, it probably costs more than his bed at home and the scotch that looks old and heavenly is presumably worth half of his paycheck. His tongue curls around the strong taste of alcohol and he winces, mouth not used to the hard flavor.

And yet, it's surprisingly delicious.

"Supreme, isn't it?" Mr. Jeon grins like a cat and Taehyung nods in silence, tongue still savoring the taste that clings to the walls of his mouth. "Ergo, are you having intercourse with my son?"

And Taehyung really shouldn't have had another sip. He was being gluttonous and foolish and of course he spits the expensive liquid out, inevitably coughing at Mr. Jeon's sudden intimate question. He doesn't even want to know how he found out who his son is fucking, let alone to know he found out he's fucking him . Is this why he called him? Why he put the damn 1800's scotch bottle out? What's wrong with this man?

"That's a rather exorbitant scotch to be spitting it out, Mr. Kim," he says but he sounds more amused than anything else.

"I apologize. I---why did you...?" he doesn't finish his question, isn't quite sure how he should phrase the 'What the actual fuck is this meeting about?' without potentially losing his job.

"Let's not act cunning. I know for a fact you and my son have been engaging in a purely sexual relationship for the last few months."

"I don't know who told you---"

"That's unimportant, irrelevant to the matter at hand," he waves a hand in the air dismissively, the gesture crude, his hands wrinkled and calloused and downright mean.

"With all due respect, sir, what is the matter at hand?" Taehyung asks, eyelashes ghosting over his cheekbones.

"I think your lack of respect for this company has been shown through your actions, don't you agree, Mr. Kim?" Mr. Jeon questions and even has the audacity to finish his words with a curl of his mouth that most people would call a smirk. It's nothing like Jungkook's though, which has a hint of pure amusement and a touch of tenderness. Mr. Jeon seems incapable of such emotions unless they have an ulterior motive.

Taehyung finally sets the glass down on the desk, careless about the fragile crystal for a moment, mind too busy and too mad, hands too shaky and too out of control, eyes too focused and also not quite focused at all. He sees red.

"I beg to differ. The people I have sex with have nothing to do with my abilities here in the company, nor have ever presented an issue in my performance in the office. So let me ask you, Mr. Jeon, how is this any of your business?" he inquiries, throat tight, eyes wide open, mouth warm like the blood bubbling in his veins.

Mr. Jeon stares back at him with finality. "It is my business when you're having sex with my son."

Taehyung stands up at that. "How dare you call him your son when you've done nothing but---"

"You better measure your next words carefully if you want to keep your job," Mr. Jeon says, threats, growls, the words leaving those previously charming lips and turning them into something dark and horrible and wrong . Taehyung stares at his eyes with focus, trying to decipher what it is that makes Mr. Jeon look so utterly villainous. It's not simply the way he seems to be continuously trying to meddle in his son's private life; as abrupt and out of place as he is acting, Taehyung could manage to understand that. But the way he talks, moves, gestures, it just makes the younger feel like the sound of his voice alone is a chilly, lonely night without a coat to wrap around your shoulders, it's that screeching tree in a quiet cemetery, that piece of furniture that keeps on making weird sounds during a rainy midnight.

And he can barely imagine what it would be like to have this man as a father.

"I should go, then. I am not sure how long I can keep certain words in. It was nice meeting you, Mr. Jeon," he lies, the words bitter in his mouth. As he turns to leave, he hears an also bitter laugh resound in the office.

"I am quite positive we'll be meeting again, Mr. Kim. Have a good evening," he can hear the cruel smirk on his face but doesn't give him the satisfaction to see the prominent frown etched on his forehead. He simply walks away, feeling like he just understood another piece of Jungkook better.

Taehyung finds Jungkook waiting by the door of his apartment when he's back from the office that same night. He wonders for an instant if he's dreaming since he's been making appearances in his dreams quite often lately. They're never quite this vivid though, and the younger tends to only look this wrecked in bed.

"What did he tell you?" he asks as soon as he sees him approaching, his eyes hooded.

Taehyung's keys make a metallic sound on his hands. He frowns. "Nothing, why---?"

"Whatever he told you it's a lie," Jungkook rushes to say, eyes wide with panic, jaw clenching. And as mad and upset and confused Taehyung is, he can't bring himself to do anything but pity the poor young man in front of him. He realizes in that moment how much Jungkook actually cares for what people think of him. For such a careless attitude he shows to the world, there's a soft, scared little boy hidden behind that cold mask. Tae is surprised by how hard his heart clenches at the thought of a defenseless, lonely kid who only needed love in his childhood but only got a merciless man who did nothing but torture him.

And how many other Jungkooks must there be around the world, waiting for someone to save them? And what about his mother? Did she ever do anything, where is she? Is she dead?

"Jungkook, you don't actually think I'd ever believe that man over you, do you?" he asks, voice careful and gentle, not wanting to startle him since he seems pretty shaken up already.

The younger's eyes widen even more at his words, as if surprised to receive such kindness from Taehyung. They haven't talked in over a week, which wouldn't be a novelty if it wasn't for the fact they were supposedly trying to get along. Tae won't lie; Jungkook's sudden silent treatment had hurt. But he decided to move past it and focus on his work instead. After all, it wasn't like he'd done anything remotely wrong.

But here is Jungkook, all pleading eyes and stuttery lips, wet eyelashes and ruffled hair. He smells of that expensive cologne that Taehyung has missed dearly. Missed . To miss anything besides the sex is a new emotion, something he can't quite understand, something he will dismiss because he is Taehyung and Taehyung refuses to put names on things he cannot understand.

"I'm sorry I just...I keep fucking up, you must hate me," Jungkook's chuckle is sad and sounds wrong coming from him, wrong after Tae witnessed the amount of amazing sounds that he could emit from his mouth.

He misses his laughter.

"I don't think I could even if I tried," Taehyung answers honestly, right shoulder raising and falling in a careless gesture though this is all far from careless.

And I've tried.

Jungkook stares at him in astonishment, head tilted slightly to the right in an adorable manner. "But you used to hate me."

Tae laughs at that, memories of their silly fighting flashing through his head like an old movie. Perhaps he shouldn't go as far as calling it silly when it would corrupt his everyday life and fuck with his head. He's suddenly reminded of Jimin's words over the phone, his best friend asking him why did he think it'd been so easy for the two of them to get along in Japan; the change wasn't done in the blink of an eye but it was so easy and it came so natural for them to banter like old friends instead of enemies. And so he says, "It was hardly hate."

And Jungkook's eyes are pleading harder than ever before, begging as he looks at Taehyung and wishes for so much that he cannot have. He wishes he could hold him against his chest, tighter than he's allowed, hands trembling stupidly as he pushes his fair hair back from his forehead to stare at those beautiful, hypnotizing brown eyes of his. Jungkook wishes he could whisper sweet nothings against his ear and for his feelings not to be so utterly wrong. He wishes, wishes...wishing is all he ever does...

He licks his lips, takes a deep breath. He can do this, it's what needs to be done and isn't that what his father has wanted from him ever since he was born? To do what needs to be done regardless of how painful it may be. Because god knows, feelings are overrated, right dad?

"We...we shouldn't do this anymore," he blurts out then, eyes shutting as the words leave his lips, unable to meet Taehyung's eyes. A pang in his chest, a complain at the back of his mind, a voice saying ' what the fuck are you doing? he's all we got .'

"What? Is this because of your father? He came to me, I didn't---" Tae tries to explain because he'll be damned if that creepy old man breaks this---whatever this is that they have between them. He doesn't know why he cares so much when he was the one trying to break things off before. But that was before.Things have changed now, haven't they? That must be why he feels like his heart is going to explode any minute now.

"No, it's not about him. I just think it's for the best," Jungkook replies, trying hard not to lie because he doesn't want things to end like that.

Taehyung snorts, putting the keys away on his pocket and crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly. "The best for whom?"

The younger visibly swallows. "For me," he confesses, which again isn't a lie.

"Oh," the older whispers, eyes wide in realization. He takes a deep breath and then, "I didn't know I was that much of a bother."

Jungkook wants so badly to reach out and touch him because those three meters that separate them seem endless right now.

"Tae---no, that's not it at all," he says, hand raising and falling when he realizes what of a mistake it would be to touch the older at all. He's his weakness and the last thing he needs is to be weak right now; it's already a struggle to do what he's doing when Taehyung is making it so hard. He thought it'd be easy, he thought he wouldn't care all that much about them breaking their arrangement when the idea of dating him disgusted him so much.

"Really? What is it then?" he challenges him instead, eyebrow raising in defiance.

"I can't...I should go. Just take care, okay?" the younger tries, gulping. He could simply walk away and this would be all over. For good. He'd rip all the pages of his journal apart and leave holes shaped like Taehyung's bony wrists, holes that smell like his hair and taste like his skin. He'd rip it all with angry fingers and even angrier nails, digging into the white paper with abandon because look how far it's gotten him, look where he is. All of his passion, his infinite love for words and yet he can't find a single one to describe how he's feeling right now. Can't even find the right words to say when he's standing in front of the endless beauty that is Kim Taehyung.

But as he turns to leave, said man stops him on his tracks, freezing him mid-movement.

"Wait, no! You're not leaving like this. At least tell me what the fuck is going on. First you get all cold at the hotel, then you don't talk to me for over a week and now you want to break things off without giving me an explanation? Fuck you," Tae curses because it feels right, after days of nothing feeling quite fucking right, this does. He's burning all over, cheeks warmer with the rushing blood as he stares back at Jungkook and his precious doe eyes. How does he manage to look so gorgeous and calm while he's so damn mad and messed up?

The younger heaves a sigh, the weight of the world upon his shoulders as he utters, "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, okay? It's not my fault," he raises his eyes to look back at him as he says the last words, as if daring him to contradict him.

"What is happening? Tell me and I'll---"

"And you'll what? Fix it? You can't fix it, Taehyung," Jungkook explains, frustration flowing through his every breath.

The older bites the inside of his cheek, arms wrapped tighter around himself every passing second. He wonders if he's subconsciously trying to literally hold himself together. "Oh yeah, and how do you know that?"

"Because I don't want you anymore!" Jungkook yells then, unable to hold the lie that has been tempting his tongue, burning his insides for longer than it should've been. He didn't want to say it, didn't want to end things like this, with lies clinging to their skin and sipping down their throats. And yet he knew Taehyung needed an answer if he was going to let him leave, needed to put a name to this thing that has nothing to do with him and everything to do with Jungkook and his uncontrollable feelings.

He can see the pain flash through the older's eyes. He can see him trying to conceal his hurt pride and failing. He can see his lips opening to say something and closing when the words don't reach his lips. He can see him huff, glance at his sides. He wonders if Taehyung is waiting for him to apologize, to retreat, to fix this.

But neither of them can fix something that wasn't broken to begin with.

And so after what seems like an eternity but is in reality a few seconds, Taehyung spits, "Bullshit."

Jungkook almost laughs; he's that confused. "What?"

"You heard me. Bullshit. There's no way you don't want me anymore," Tae shrugs and this time the gesture is as natural and careless as he feels. It did hurt to hear those words but then again, it's been almost five months since they started doing this thing, doesn't the younger know by now he can tell when he's lying? Not that he'd need to considering how fake his words are. No one can look at him with those lustful, intense eyes and tell him he doesn't want him. It was less than two weeks ago that they could barely keep their hands to themselves, how does he expect him to believe in this sudden change of heart?

"Aren't you a little confident?" Jungkook inquires, eyebrows raised in bafflement.

"Aren't you a big fucking liar?" Taehyung asks back, eyes narrowed. He ignores the slight hesitancy deep inside him that wonders if maybe, if perhaps Jungkook really doesn't want him anymore.

"Whatever, I'm not lying."

"Oh yeah?" Taehyung asks, walking towards him decidedly despite the doubt. Jungkook eyes him suspiciously, feet retreating as his pulse quickens.

"Yeah," he replies with fake confidence. With every step Tae takes in his direction, Jungkook takes one in the other. He doesn't dare let his eyes wander around the hallway, doesn't dare to look at anything but Taehyung right now, who is staring at him with the hint of a smirk upon his pink lips, a drop of calculation lingering in his moves. He watches as the older pushes his teeth over his lower lip, tongue rubbing the reddened surface quickly afterwards.

When Jungkook's back finally hits the wall behind him, he closes his eyes as he feels Taehyung's hand hold his waist in place, caging him in. "You see, I find it extremely hard to believe," he murmurs, almost purring against his ear, tongue slightly grazing his earlobe sensually. "When you still need me like this," he continues, left hand traveling from his neck through his abdomen, down towards his cock. Everything happens so fast and Taehyung's touch feels so good and god, Jungkook is so weak.

"Tae---don't do this to me," he pathetically pleads, eyes tightly closed.

"Tell me the truth then. Why do you want to stop?" he wonders, voice husky and deep in a way that sends a shiver down Jungkook's spine.

Jungkook shakes his head, "You don't want to know."

"I do, tell me," he presses both his body and his voice, into him.

And Jungkook wonders then, would it really be that bad if he found out?

He opens his eyes, slowly, carefully, eyelashes teasing the tender skin below his eyes. He licks his lips, Taehyung refrains from staring at anything but his beautiful eyes. His right hand presses against the wall besides Jungkook while his left digs its fingers into his hip, the touch bordering on painful. He can almost taste Jungkook's nerves and it only helps to confuse him and interest him even further.

"So?" he asks, impatience getting the best of him. He doesn't know how long will he be able to go without kissing those lips, only less than two inches away from his mouth. And once he does, he knows that talking will be the last of his concerns. He mildly wonders why Jungkook hasn't thought of that idea, why he isn't distracting him with his body to get away from the interrogation. But of course, isn't that the last thing he wants? To fuck Taehyung? And yet, why? What changed?

Jungkook tastes blood. Tae does look down then, the prominent and sudden color that clings to the younger's lower lip, startling him. He sighs, thumb wiping the lip clean. "Told you to stop."

"I don't always listen to you," the younger replies like a little scolded kid.

"No shit, just tell me what's going on," he insists, eyes boring into him.

And so Jungkook opens his mouth to answer.

"I l---"

And then the door bursts open.

Chapter Twelve: Mamihlapinatapei

Mamihlapinatapei: A wordless yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start.

There are a few moments in life in which you see yourself falling in an endless void and there's nothing you can do that will save you from the inevitable crash against its depths.

Taehyung was falling when Jungkook was about to speak, about to finally reveal the words he's been hiding for who knows how long.

But then the door burst open, an invisible hand holding him up and dragging him back to the surface.

Taehyung turns around at the abrupt sound, cursing internally as he sees his best friend holding a bag of trash in one hand, eyes wide as he scans the situation he just interrupted. Jungkook is still being held against the wall as he eyes the two friends who stare at each other with very different expressions. He sighs, taking advantage of Taehyung's distraction and pushing him off him.

"Wait, Jungkook," the older quickly reacts not without sending one last glare at Jimin as if saying 'look what you've done'. He reaches out to grab the younger's arm and stop him on his tracks, but he's faster than him and before he can even catch up to him on the hallway, he's already walking down the stairs, not even waiting for the elevator to come. He wants to get away that fast.

Taehyung bites at his lip and slowly turns around, Jimin sending him an apologetic smile as he says, "I'm so sorry, I just had to get the trash out. I didn't know you two---"

Tae groans, shaking his head in disbelief. "Just five more minutes. I swear Jimin, five more minutes and he'd---"

"He'd what?" Jimin asks, right eyebrow raised in curiosity.

What was he about to say?

"I don't know," he sighs resigned, as he approaches the door. "He said he doesn't want me anymore but I don't believe him. There's something he's not telling me."

"Find out, then," Jimin shrugs, opening the door for Taehyung to walk through as he starts making his way down the hallway Jungkook has previously been in.

"Oh, I will," Tae nods, a smile tempting his lips despite his mood.

The thing is, he doesn't. Approaching Jungkook at the office is futile; he really doesn't want to have anything else to do with him. And what other way does he have to find out than the guy himself? It's not like anyone else knows the answer he keeps locked inside. And Taehyung tries. He does, but the younger keeps pushing him away with excuses until not even his assistant lets him knock on his door. It's like being exiled.

After a week goes by though, Taehyung thinks he better just move on. There's only so much he can endure either way. He's tired of watching from afar as Hoseok and Jungkook joke around during lunch and wishing he could have Japan all over again. He can't. But he's cold during the night, his blankets thin, his skin and lips missing the touch and pleasure only Jungkook could grant him. He hadn't realized how much he needed him, how at ease he had become around the younger.

Seokjin is sending him an apologetic look from across the couch, eyes soft as he tells him Namjoon is coming over later for dinner. Taehyung doesn't feel like seeing his boss in the slightest, but he nods anyway because the way Jin's eyes shine whenever he says the other's name is too beautiful to snatch it away simply because he's bitter. Seokjin squeezes his hand before walking off towards the kitchen, claiming dinner would take a lot of time to prepare.

Taehyung sighs and wonders if he could scurry off the apartment without nobody noticing.

"Go get the door for me, will you?" Jin asks Taehyung with a saccharine smile, hands busy as he takes a batter out of the fridge and immediately starts mixing it with another batter of the same color that was previously in the microwave. Tae frowns, not understanding what the hell is going on in the kitchen as he heads for the door.

He tried getting away a few hours ago but Jin quickly shook his head at him and literally placed him on the kitchen counter like a little kid. He hasn't let him out of his sight since.

He takes a deep breath, opening the door widely, ready to find his boss holding a bottle of wine or some cheesy thing like that. What he doesn't expect, though, is to find Namjoon and Jungkook waiting by the door.

"Hey, Taehyung!" Namjoon smiles, honorifics be damned as he displays his dimples for everyone to see and walks inside the apartment like he owns it.

Jungkook looks awkward and out of place and like he wasn't expecting Taehyung to open the door at all, which is ironic considering he's the one who tagged along to come to his own house.

"Hey...what are you doing here?" Taehyung asks, unable to help himself though not trying to sound rude because this is probably the best chance he has to actually talk to him.

"I...didn't know you'd be here. Hyung said you---" Jungkook begins, eyes wide as he tries to catch his brother's eye to no avail, for he is too busy making Jin laugh in the kitchen, digging his index finger in the batter and placing it in his mouth which makes Jin both blush and hit him in the butt with a spatula---what the fuck?

"That's why you came. Because you thought I wouldn't be here," the older says and so Jungkook looks back at him. His voice is monotone as he ignores the pang of hurt in his chest. He shouldn't give a shit. He does give a shit.

"Yeah...kind of," he answers, hand awkwardly scratching at his neck.

Taehyung swallows.

"We should talk."

"I should go say hi," Jungkook corrects him but he's already shaking his head.

"No need."

"Hey guys," he says as he leaves Taehyung there anyway, approaching Jimin and Yoongi first who are snuggled up in the couch playing some game in Jimin's shitty phone. They both look away to salute Jungkook, Jimin sending Tae a frown from his position against Yoongi's chest. Taehyung shakes his head again in reply...or perhaps he never stopped.

"Dinner is ready!" Seokjin announces in between loud, ridiculous laughter. Namjoon helps him with the food, the rest walking towards the table with hungry eyes.

To say it's awkward would be the understatement of the year. No one speaks for the first few minutes, too busy eating and praising Jin on his cooking skills. There's only so much you can say about jajangmyeon though.

"So, how are things with Minjae going?" Jin nudges Taehyung then, eyes not quite looking away from his food. The younger frowns at him, thoroughly confused by the sudden question which is currently being heard by everyone at the table.

"What?"

"He keeps asking about you. You guys have to reschedule that date," Jimin pipes in then from his seat across from him. Taehyung sees Jimin's sly smile and that's enough to know this is all a little bit planned. He refrains from rolling his eyes because seriously, he doesn't need their help to win Jungkook back. Even the idea of having to 'win him back' makes him want to scream. This is too high school for all of them.

"Oh, yeah..sure," he shrugs nonchalantly because correcting them feels even worse.

He doesn't notice Jungkook's intense, pressing eyes on him.

And then Namjoon decides to open his big mouth as well, "Jungkook here keeps on going on and on about Yugyeom. I bet he's gonna pop the question soon."

"What question?" Taehyung asks before he can tell his mouth to shut the fuck up, before his brain can process the fact he should not care, he should so not care.

"Oh, you know, make it official and all," his boss grins, eyebrows waggling suggestively. Jungkook stares at his brother, confused and taken aback by his words. He opens his mouth to contradict him but all he manages to get out is, "....that's not---" before his hyung is kicking him under the table and gesturing very subtly at Taehyung (not subtly at all), whose eyes are casted down towards his lap like a sad kid.

Jungkook shakes his head, even rolls his eyes because really, does Namjoon think he ever stood a chance to have his feelings requited? It's absurd, stupid and senseless. Namjoon is just being the idiot he's always been.

Jin clears his throat then. "Anyway---"

"What is going on?" Yoongi asks, frowning at everyone in confusion, not understanding anything that is going on around him from the tense atmosphere to the stolen glances that Jungkook and Taehyung keep sending each other, always quite missing one another.

"What do you mean, sweetie ?" Jimin questions, eyes hard at his boyfriend, clearly telling him to shut up and eat his food. The older gulps.

"Nevermind..." he mumbles, getting back to his dinner.

"Oh, I forgot the tteokbokki," Jin says all of the sudden, raising from the table.

"I'll help you," Taehyung stands up as well, biting his lip as he follows the older towards the kitchen without waiting for a reply. "Why on earth would you invite them over?" he whisper-yells at Jin once they're both alone behind the protection of the closed door. He can still hear the faint voices coming from the living room where the table is. He thinks he hears Jimin's laughter carrying through the silent walls.

"I invited Joon, I didn't know he'd bring Jungkook," Jin shrugs as he takes the tteokbokki dish out of a pan.

Tae huffs, unconvinced as he crosses his arms over his chest. "Yeah, right."

"Whatever, just take this," Seokjin orders and who is Taehyung to say no? Also, it'd be kind of weird to get back there without anything after he offered to help Jin.

Back at the table, Namjoon stares at Jungkook with pitiful eyes. The younger can't even hide the evident sadness in the sag of his shoulders, the disappointment in the quiet bat of his eyelashes and the barely contained emotion in the pressure of his fingers that he increases every few seconds, tightening his hold on the chopsticks he hasn't even used for their real purpose.

Namjoon makes small talk with Jimin who is all wide grins and smiley eyes, which keep jumping to his younger brother who is too busy staring at the wall to notice. Yoongi adds some comments as well, and for such a quiet guy he has plenty of interesting remarks to make. Jungkook is looking down at his phone when Jin gets back in the room and sits down in his seat, sending Namjoon a wink that is more charm than anything else. Once Taehyung is back in the room though, Jungkook instantly tenses. Namjoon can't quite understand how he even realizes the older is back when the voices muffle the sound of his feet and his doe eyes are still glued to his phone.

"So, what were you all talking about?" Tae asks, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. Jimin sends him a weird look, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"I didn't know your friend here had a dance studio," his boss replies easily after taking a long sip from his wine.

"Oh yes, he's really talented!" Taehyung grins then, eyes twinkling under the yellowish light coming from the ceiling. Namjoon's lip twitches upward when he sees out of the corner of his eye how Jungkook stares at Taehyung, phone long forgotten in his hands. He can't describe the raw emotion in the younger's eyes. He's never seen anyone so enamoured in his life.

"It's not a big deal. I'm sure what you guys do is much more difficult and requires some brain capacity I lack," Jimin laughs the compliment off like he usually does but both Taehyung and Yoongi know he thrives for praising.

"You're skilled and smart, baby," Yoongi says anyway, leaning over to his right to kiss his boyfriend's temple adorably.

"Shut up," Jimin blushes brightly and they all laugh at the endearing moment. Taehyung steals a glance at Jungkook whose eyes are now once again focused on his phone. He sighs, the sound soft and barely audible but Jin hears it anyway, his lips pouting as he sees how his and Namjoon's plan may be failing enormously. He sends the younger a look from across the table, eyebrows drawn tightly in consternation. Namjoon shrugs in reply as if saying 'I'm as lost as you are'.

And so Seokjin takes the matter into his own hands. "I forgot the dessert! How silly am I?" he asks with a laugh.

"It can wait, we've barely begun eating," Yoongi says but Jimin sends him another of his intense looks and he frowns, head tilting in confusion.

"I forgot to um, prepare it," Seokjin continues lying.

"Oh, we can help you!" Jimin replies with sudden enthusiasm, following Jin's lead as he stands up. "Yoongi, come on, we have to help Jin in the kitchen."

His boyfriend chews and swallows audibly before letting out a whine. "But---"

"You too, Joonie! All hands are needed," Jin smiles and Namjoon nods as he stands too, walking towards the kitchen with the other three. Their voices are quieted down when Jin closes the door, not without sending Tae a conspiratorial wink.

Taehyung stares after them, mouth open in disbelief. Those fucking sons of bitches.

He gulps before turning towards Jungkook who is already looking at him.

"We should talk," the older blurts out again before his courage gets up and joins the rest in the kitchen.

Jungkook looks as if that's the last thing he wants to do right now. It probably is.

"I should leave," he proposes instead again , as if Taehyung would ever settle for that.

"No, we should talk," he insists, hands balled in tight fists at his sides. The nails faintly digging into the tender skin of his palms is the only thing he can do not to slap Jungkook across the face. Maybe he should, but something tells him it wouldn't get him any answers.

"Taehyung---" he starts but he'll be damned if he thinks he'll let him finish that sentence.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks, swallowing a sigh, a scream, a cry.

Jungkook's frown deepens. He licks his lips and then, "What do you mean?"

Why did you leave? Why do you keep leaving? What did I do wrong?

But he swallows those words, too. If he were to open his mouth and let them out, he'd be opening a door he isn't sure he's ready for. He can see the doorknob shaking in his head each time he sees Jungkook and his damn eyes and his stupid smile and his breath-fucking-taking laughter.

Tae bites the corner of his mouth, eyes heading towards the light hanging from the high ceiling of the apartment. Its brightness flickers in and out of sight for a few seconds reminding him of his bravery; so fleeting and evanescent that he should grasp it between his fingers before it slips away to never come back.

And so he opens his mouth, forces his lips to curl around the words that he dreads to voice out, the ones hidden and kicked at the corner of his mind he rarely lets himself visit.

"You never stopped hating me. Is that it?" and so he asks the question he's been afraid to ask since he last saw him.

Jungkook's own mouth opens as he looks back at Taehyung, speechless for a moment in which the silence is so thick and heavy around them that it grows goosebumps in the older's arms. Jungkook looks so unbearably pained and puzzled at the same time, unable to comprehend Taehyung's words because in which world could he hate him? In which world was any of it ever hate?

"I don't hate you, Taehyung," he sighs, at odds with himself because what can he really do in this situation? He wasn't even supposed to see him today, wasn't supposed to have all these unspoken words between them, those that insist on clinging to his lips and yet refuse to actually let go of his mouth, those that he runs away from during the day but comes back to at night to pour them into paper and pray for them to leave him alone.

"Then why---" Tae tries but Jungkook cuts him off before he can even get to the end of the sentence.

"I already told you. You don't believe me," is all he says, a shrug joining the mix of lies that he spits at him. Taehyung attempts not to be offended by the fact the younger is still lying to his face, but fails.

"You really are gonna keep saying that? Come on, tell me the truth," he pushes, heart beating loud against his ribcage.

Jungkook buries his face in his hands, the skin of his palms warm and welcoming but the skinship feels like a betrayal when it's not Taehyung's. He can't quite pinpoint the moment his feelings became so strong and powerful enough to turn his life upside down. Is love supposed to feel this way? Like yelling into an endless abyss while knowing your voice may never reach the bottom? Because that's how Jungkook feels right now; as if he were screaming at Taehyung all those words he's been hiding for who knows how long, powerless and defenseless, pathetically vulnerable whenever he's standing in front of that pair of deep brown eyes.

"You don't want to hear it," he confesses, voice quiet in the silent room. The walls seem too far from them, the ceiling too high in the sky as it meets the stars. They both forget there are four other people hiding inside the kitchen and probably trying to eavesdrop into their conversation. They can't though, not when these two are only a few meters apart, their voices carrying only through the small distance that separates them.

And yet they feel so far away from each other.

"I'm literally asking for that," Taehyung replies, eyes slightly hard as they set on the younger's fidgety hands. Why is he so nervous? What is he hiding?

"Yes but---believe me, you don't want to know," he insists, head shaking, unsure gaze meeting the other's.

"What is it? Are you dying or some shit?" Tae asks then, knowing full well he most probably isn't but getting a bit damn tired of this game they're playing anyway.

Jungkook startles at his words, eyes big in almost comic astonishment. "What? Of course not!"

"Then why can't you just---"

"Forget it, I'm leaving," he stands up, quickly heading to the door and he's slipping from his fingers again, slipping slipping...

No.

Taehyung rushes towards him, feet moving fast, eyes slightly dizzy for getting up so abruptly from the table. He gets a hold of his arm anyway, twirls him around as if they were dancing tango and eyes him with such need it breaks a bit of Jungkook's heart, tugs at the cracks already drawn over his pulse, threatens to unclasp the words from his pursed lips and let them go, go and head home in Taehyung's open ears. "Jeon, please ," the older begs because he's already given his dignity up, wrapped a nice looking bow around it and all.

Jungkook raises his hand, thumb catching in the older's soft cheekbone. "Tae..." the gesture and the nickname drip a sweetness and a tenderness unknown to Taehyung. He relishes in the touch and leans against it, wanting more, needing more. Jungkook lets himself believe they could have this everyday if they wanted to. "I think I..."

"You what?" Taehyung asks, feeling the younger's warm breath fan his face, heart beating even faster in his chest as he looks back at him.

Jungkook sighs, exhausted. How long is he going to keep doing this to himself? He can't have this, can't let himself even try. Not when just looking at Taehyung hurts.

"I'll miss you," he finishes, which are the truest words he's ever said.

Taehyung looks down in disappointment, not even attempting to hide, deny and conceal the emotion as he usually would.

"You don't have to miss me. You can have me," he mumbles though the words feel like sand again st his tongue as Jungkook's hand leaves his face. He feels cold.

"You should date Minjae," the younger suggests, more and more unsaid words adhering to his body like a second skin. Taehyung is pure inspiration for him; and everyone knows that getting your heart broken creates a whole new language in your brain, one that you can work with to create blissful art. Maybe that's why he's doing this, perhaps it's a sick way of having more nights spent writing in his notebook and clinging to the pages with the older's name scribbled in bold letters, as if they were his sanctuary.

But Taehyung is so far from understanding the turmoil of emotions inside Jungkook.

"So you can date Yugyeom? Is that it?" he questions, eyebrows pulled together in what could either be a frown or a sarcastic gesture.

"No, but he's probably better for you," he lies because he doesn't even know who that Minjae guy is but he's presumably less shitty at handling feelings and falling in love too quickly than he is.

"I prefer you," Taehyung says, probably more out of his stubbornness than because he really does prefer him. Or at least that's what Jungkook thinks.

"You prefer my body," he shrugs again, eyes staring at the tempting door for a few seconds, wishing he could leave and finish this painful conversation. Maybe he could make a run for it...

"No... you ," Taehyung replies and Jungkook's thoughts about leaving are thrown down the stairs as he stares back at the older with confusion and utter perplexity.

"What?"

Tea swallows the lump in his throat and grasps his fading bravery, holds it close to his chest like a blooming flower during winter. "I said I---"

"No! Yoongi get back in here!" Jimin's voice cuts Taehyung off as his boyfriend walks out of the kitchen with a sassy eye roll.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Taehyung groans as he turns around, glaring at Yoongi who doesn't seem as confident as he looked while walking down the hallway seconds ago.

"I was just thirsty..." the older shrugs, such a careless gesture for such a fucking careless action.

"You literally were in the kitchen, what the actual---"

The door closes then with a loud thud, catching them both off guard.

Taehyung groans so loud it's heard through the entire apartment.

"He said that!? Dude!" Hoseok yells, hand going up for a high five. "Upstairs, my man!" he says with a grin but Jungkook simply eyes the raised hand in second-hand embarrassment. His cousin sometimes sounds like an old man.

"He probably didn't mean it. Or I misheard," he continues talking, unfazed. Hoseok rolls his eyes as he self high-fives with a smile.

The older groans then, as if fully processing Jungkook's words after a moment. "Are you shitting me? Come on, let yourself have this!"

"He's kinda too good for me," Jungkook replies, lashes chasing his eyelids as he looks down. Taehyung could literally do so much better than him, it's absurd to even think about wanting to win him over. And wouldn't that be selfish as well? Seducing him, lulling him into loving him back when he knows for a fact he would be the worst boyfriend to ever exist?

Boyfriend. The word rings sweet in his own mind. He's never had an official anything with anyone, never wanted to....and yet, the idea is incredibly tempting. To have that with Taehyung, to have that intimacy that can only be found in the gap that separates two lovers, in the quiets good morning's and good night's that resides between their weak lips.

To not have to hide all of the insane emotions he has for that boy.

Oh, he craves it.

"Shut up. Seriously. You're both great people who deserve to be happy," Hoseok says as he wanders across the room, pacing like a nervous patient in therapy.

"Right..."

"Why don't you try, Kooks? Please, let it happen," he continues, stopping his frantic feet from resuming their movement as he stares at Jungkook with pleading eyes.

"Let what happen? My humiliation?" he huffs with a dark chuckle.

"That's seriously what you're so scared of?" he asks with a snort that offends Jungkook's pride a bit. "So what if he says no? You're already miserable as it is."

Jungkook says nothing because Hoseok is partly right. He shouldn't be afraid of getting his heart broken when he's already heartbroken. But still, that isn't the only reason why he's hiding his real feelings away into a box to burn and never see again. Funny thing is, the box isn't quite catching on fire.

"You know I'm right," Hobi singsongs with a smile, making the younger sigh. "Just think it through and please stop moping. Let's go out or something to get your head out of your ass for a while."

"I don't feel like going out. And besides, shouldn't you be looking for someone instead of worrying so much about my pathetic love life?" he questions, left eyebrow arching as he tilts his head to the side in fake, innocent wonder. Hoseok glares at him but it quickly dissolves into a clipped smile.

"You know I am single and ready to mingle, Kooks," he replies easily. "So let's go out. At least---"

Jungkook's phone rings then, Yugyeom's name displayed in the screen. He hasn't talked to him since he came back from Japan and had to break the guy's hopes by telling him he was interested in someone else. He's suddenly reminded of his puppy sad eyes and wincing lips when he told him. He looked so awful...the exact same way Jungkook is so scared of looking if Taehyung were to say no.

He picks up the call, Hoseok nodding and leaving his office afterwards.

"Hey."

" Hey, Jungkook....um, I know I probably wasn't meant to call you this soon. I'm sorry. I just---"

"Yug, don't apologize. It's really okay. What is it?" he asks, feeling even more sorry for the guy. He's always been one of Jungkook's favorites. He never liked the fact Yugyeom seemed to be a fan of pillow talk but he was cute and never said no to a hook up. Now that he thinks about it, it was pretty damn obvious he had feelings for him.

" Thank you...I huh, I was wondering if you wanted to come to my birthday....it's a small gathering with me and my friends and you really don't have to come but we're meeting in a club near your building so I just thought---forget it, it's stupid, right? Why would you want to come here to spend your night with some kids?" he chuckles but it sounds too strained even through the phone.

"If you're a kid then so am I," Jungkook chuckles. "I'll try to see if I can make it, text me the details."

"Okay, thank you, it means a lot."

"Don't worry about it," he smiles even though Yugyeom can't see him. Before hanging up though, he adds, "Oh and Yug?"

"Yes?"

"Happy birthday."

A chuckle that turns halfway into a giggle and then, "Thank you."

"It's going to do you good, believe me!" Jimin insists, repeating the same words for the hundredth time as he grins with more teeth than necessary; the amount that makes it look more creepy than gleeful.

"There's literally nothing I want to do less than go to a club with Minjae," he replies, a bitter edge to his words. It's Friday night, four days since the terrible dinner at his apartment. Jimin raises his eyebrows at him, lips pursed as he throws him a leather jacket from his closet. He insisted upon deciding the clothes he should wear, for some unknown reason, and Tae doesn't have it in him to fight him anymore.

"Well now, that's just mean."

"It's just---why would I even...ugh."

"Can we please not talk about Jungkook again?" Jimin sighs as he turns back around.

"You say that like that's all I do," he says with an eye-roll that feels too childish at the moment.

"It is all you do lately! Jungkook this, Jungkook that. Are you still not ready to admit your feelings for him?" his best friend wonders with narrowed eyes that make Taehyung groan in frustration. The winning smile Jimin sends him right afterwards lets him know how much he loves to mess with him and his poor nerves.

"Don't. Even."

"Fine, whatever. You're gonna be late so you better hurry up."

Taehyung clicks his tongue with a raised finger then, (anything to persuade Jimin to leave him alone). "Also, weren't you the one who was conspiring with Jin to get us together?"

"Yes but I'm also that one friend that wants to see you have fun for a change. Now move your butt and get changed!" he yells whiningly, kicking him in said butt for good measure.

"I'm going, I'm going!"

The club is like any other club; sweaty, dark and packed. Taehyung isn't the least interested in it nor the people in shiny outfits sending hungry eyes to each other. Minjae is nice enough, jumping to be a gentleman every time he has the chance and offering to get him a drink as soon as they find the bar. It's all normal and boring but okay anyway, just what he expected out of this night, until of course the illusion is broken because in the last few months nothing has been ordinary for long in the slightest.

Taehyung sees him first. Surrounded by about six other guys, all laughing with drunken smiles, holding small shot glasses filled with soju to the rim. Jungkook is smiling brightly, grinning like he hasn't in the two weeks since they got back. Their laughter is loud in the club, heard even through the blasting music. They would all look like a nice, fun group of friends if it weren't for the guy sitting right next to Jungkook, the one that keeps glancing his way after he makes a joke to seize the other's reaction, the one that pushes him playfully on the shoulder every few minutes and bites his lip whenever Jungkook is speaking.

That guy is so into his Jungkook that it disgusts Taehyung.

His Jungkook?

"Hey, thought I'd lost you. Here you go," Minjae shoots him a smile as he presses a cold glass of a golden, bubbly liquid into his hands.

"Thanks," he mumbles before sipping from the glass slowly at first, tasting the bitter flavor of alcohol. He wanted to keep it easy today but when the annoying little bug next to Jungkook clings to his arm like the bug it is, Taehyung downs his drink as if it were plain water . His throat burns just like his eyes.

"Wow, you okay?" Minjae asks, his glass still full because he has self-control and is a normal, functional human being.

Taehyung beams, dazzling despite the wince in his expression. "Fine. I'm great, actually."

"Um, okay..." he says, unconvinced. He glances at the dance floor with curiosity and asks, "So, wanna dance?"

Taehyung's fingers clutch around the base of his empty glass."Get me another drink first."

"You sure? That one was pretty intense."

Intense my ass.

"Yes, I'm sure."

Minjae bites his lip before nodding, ready to comply. "Okay, be right back..."

Taehyung turns his attention back to the happy couple, wondering if that guy may be Yugyeom himself. He narrows his eyes, mind slightly dizzy due to the alcohol in the two drinks he's had so far. The first one was a courtesy, some straight soju that brought a smile to his face. The second one...not so much. He sighs. He should head over there and show that guy how to stay on his lane. But he doesn't; he isn't that far gone yet.

But then Jungkook sees him, too. Their eyes find each other through the crowd and Tae wonders if it may be the fact he hasn't looked away for the last seven minutes that made Jungkook finally glance his way but regardless, he doesn't care. He's pleased to have caught his eye. Pleased to have Jungkook pay more attention to him than to the bug in his arm. He smiles his way, boxy, sweet and with a hint of alcohol in his lips.

Jungkook doesn't look away but doesn't smile back either. Tae wonders if they're playing a stare game, eyes intense and focused on each other as people laugh and talk and dance and kiss and...

Minjae returns with another tall, bubbly drink; this time the liquid is navy, with two ice cubes floating in the surface. He takes it with a soft smile before glancing back at Jungkook, who is now staring at Minjae with a threat in his eyes.

Is he jealous?

The thought draws a smirk on his face. He leans against Minjae's side. He should feel bad about basically using the guy but he doesn't.

"Wow, you okay there?" Minjae asks with raised eyebrows.

"Huh? Sure. Wanna dance?" he asks back, finishing the drink as quickly as possible; it tastes sweet in his tongue, no wince. The guy probably got him some damn coke with the slightest hint of rum. Minjae eyes him, impressed by his quickness nonetheless.

"Um, sure."

And so they dance. And Jungkook stares. And Taehyung stares back. See what you've lost. See what you refuse to have. See. See. Look and stare. Admire. You can watch but you can't touch.

He isn't drunk but his mind swims in a pool of glee. His thoughts and worries fade into the background, pushed way back as he presses his hips against Minjae's. The guy's hands are on his waist but the hold is soft and almost nervous, hesitant. He doesn't dig his fingers against his hips like Jungkook would, nor does he crushes his lips into the juncture of his shoulder, marking him, but of course Minjae doesn't do any of these things because he isn't Jungkook .

Through hooded eyes he looks at the younger who is now talking once again with the guy at his side. He's smiling at him, nodding for a few seconds, listening to whatever shit he's spitting. He isn't even paying attention to Taehyung anymore.

And he feels so sick; so pathetic and lame and stupid. He's the one who is undeniably jealous, the one that wants to walk to that table and demand Jungkook to leave with him because he is his. And there's also something fluttering in his stomach whenever he sees him, something unknown, a sensation like a fuffly tickle that brings a smile to his face and a rush to his veins. He's been feeling this for too long. He thought it was just lust at first, an intense dosage of lust that left him numb and stupid. Maybe it still is. The kind of lust you feel when you're looking from afar at the only person who can make it all go away by pinning you to the bed and destroying you, but won't.

He suddenly is reminded of Jungkook's erotic poetry, of Yugyeom's call at the hotel, of Namjoon's comment about 'making it official' at the table the other day, of Jungkook's own voice saying he should date Minjae...probably trying to get rid of him..., and now he's there, laughing with a guy who is most probably Yugyeom himself and oh god, Taehyung is such a fucking idiot.

"Are you okay?" Minjae asks against his ear. He'd forgotten he was there all along.

He shouldn't be asking this so many times on a first date; it makes Taehyung feel even worse.

"I'm sorry---I'm not feeling so well. I should go," he hurries to say.

"Let me take you home," he offers, concern in his eyes. He's too nice for Taehyung.

"No, really. I can get a cab---"

"Please, let me at least do this one thing," he smiles with a hint of sadness and disappointment and Tae nods because poor guy, he could at least grant him this.

Minjae sighs in relief and holds his hand as they begin making their way out of the club. Tae is looking down, trying not to trip or bump into anyone and leave as soon as possible. The last thing he needs is another inconvenient to fuck his night. But then halfway there, just when he thought this would all be over before long and he'd finally be able to snuggle up in his bed and sleep it all away, a hand is grabbing him by the waist and he stops on his tracks, making Minjae glance over his shoulder in confusion, the question ready on his lips before his eyes set in the strong wall behind Taehyung.

The older wishes he wasn't so fucking glad to feel those familiar arms around him. He refuses to turn around; too giddy and relieved and embarrassed to do so. "Jungkook," he whispers, almost automatically. The younger hears him despite the deafening music.

"I'll take it from here," he then tells Minjae, barely glancing at him.

Minjae looks like he's just been slapped. "Excuse me? I don't know who you are but I'm the one taking him home."

"No, you're taking yourself home. Now leave," he almost growls, ready to fight if needed. Minjae shakes his head in disbelief, eyes searching Taehyung's in an attempt to relieve some of his pride.

"Taehyung, who is this guy?" he asks and Tae wishes he could say he's just a jerk that means nothing to him, wishes he could take good Minjae's hand and leave with him but the idea alone makes him sick.

"A...friend," he gulps before adding, mind made up,"You should go. I'm sorry."

"Fuck this, I shouldn't have come anyway. Jimin told me you were all sad about a guy," Minjae sighs, rolls his eyes and seems about to say something else before he turns back around and lets the crowd of dancing bodies swallow him.

Jungkook's arm tightens around his waist, a reminder, a promise, he doesn't know. Taehyung resists from looking back at him because he's blushing so bright the dim lights wouldn't be able to hide it.

"You've been sad because of me?" the younger inquiries, voice loud enough for him to hear or maybe it's the fact his back is against his chest and he's glued to his body in the most beautiful way.

"I honestly don't know what he was talking about..." Taehyung lies after clearing his throat, his voice wavering in the least convincing way possible.

"Look at me," he whispers against his earlobe, his warm breath tickling his ear. Everything is warm. His eyes are hard against the neon lights, teeth chewing on his lip softly, not hurting the tender skin. "Please, Tae."

Weak.

And so Taehyung turns around and looks at him and Jungkook is so breathtakingly beautiful that Tae's poor heart jumps against his chest at the sight.

"I didn't---" Jungkook begins saying, struggling for words. He shakes his head, eyes glancing back to where his table is. Looking unsure he bites his lip as softly as Taehyung and says, "I can't talk right now. It's a friend's birthday and I can't leave him...can we talk later though?"

Taehyung hears only the fact that Jungkook is leaving him. Again. For another guy.

"A friend's?" he asks, a bite at his tongue.

"Yeah..., so can we?" he questions, not really giving too much thought at Taehyung's tone of voice and suddenly closed demeanor.

"Thought that was the last thing you wanted," he huffs because he's not going to be that easy persuaded even if this is exactly what he's wanted for over two weeks now.

"It was but I...changed my mind," he shrugs, eyes nervous, throat trembling with the words.

"Okay. When?"

Jungkook pushes his tongue against the roof of his mouth, thinking. He tries to look away from Taehyung, for he's always been a sure distraction, an eye catcher. He can sense people looking at him, and how could they not, when he's absolutely stunning? He's even wearing eyeliner, the thin black lines under his eyes making him look wild and dangerous and utterly sensual...like something to devour, the kind of dessert you'll be tasting in your tongue for hours

"I'll probably stick around for a bit longer," he finally voices, hoping the 'bit longer' isn't too long because Taehyung hasn't even left and he already wants to get back to him. He isn't drunk but he's positively dizzy and the idea of letting the older go when he's looking like this , kills him. But he can't pressure him or expect him to wait, so he adds, "If you can wait...or tomorrow it's fine, too."

Tae takes a moment to respond, wanting to tease him and also take up a bit more of Jungkook's time, let Yugyeom miss him. "I can wait. Where should we meet?"

The younger tries not to let the relief show on his voice. Miraculously, he succeeds. "Come by my apartment. I'll text you."

"Okay," he nods and he is just about to leave but stops himself. Maybe it's the alcohol still flowing through his bloodstream or perhaps the fact that Yugyeom may be watching. Either way, he blames everything but the constant fluttering in his stomach when he leans close and pecks him in the lips.

They've never done that before.

And then he leaves, Jungkook staring at him with wide, doe eyes.

Oh, he really craves it.

Chapter Thirteen: At Last

Taehyung is apprehensive when he gets to Jungkook's apartment. He sent him a text at 2 a.m telling him he was heading back to his penthouse. Taehyung had been laying on his bed, too shaken up to sleep, too awake and fidgety. Jungkook buzzed him in as soon as he got to the building, and now here he is, standing in front of the door, frozen. He should knock. He should let Jungkook know the elevator didn't swallow him up. And yet, he's so nervous and scared and god, why did he give him a peck on the lips when he knew he'd be seeing him hours later? It was bold and stupid and now he has to face the consequences; Jungkook rejecting him yet again.

Maybe he could turn around and leave? It's not like anyone would stop him or get on his way...No. He wants this, has been waiting for the truth for so long, fuck it. Anxiety is a familiar friend anyway.

He knocks. Once, twice.

Seconds go by. One, two, three, four, five, maybe he shouldn't be counting, six, se---

The door bursts open to reveal Jungkook wearing a black shirt and dark jeans, hair parted to expose his forehead and doe eyes. He looks stunning, lips so kissable as they part to say, "Come in."

He does come in, a nervous mess, but he does. He steps inside the familiar apartment, hoping for his boss not to be inside as his eyes roam around searching for a pair of shoes or some papers on the table. The one time he came into the apartment and saw his boss already there he had been doing paperwork. Jungkook had told him that was most of what he did in his spare time. He remembers how bad he had felt for him then; it couldn't be any easy to have all the weight of the company upon his shoulders when Jungkook didn't do anything and his father was merely a figure.

"Namjoon went out with Seokjin," the younger explains then, as if reading his own thoughts. He nods in response, awkward as he swallows pure air. "Um, sit," he offers, and Tae nods again before obliging. The sofa is soft and comfortable as usual. It's also the one they have fucked in countless of times before. But those are just details.

He needs to break the silence before it gains life and clings to him like a second skin. He sighs before he manages to ask, "So, how was the party?"

Jungkook shrugs, "It wasn't really a party."

Taehyung would scream if he thought it'd get him anywhere. He wishes for the other to elaborate as he nods, since it seems to be the only proper gesture he can manage. He thinks that if he moves too much he may end up doing things he'll regret. "Yugyeom's birthday, right?" he questions after a bit, eyes lowering to his own hands, folded on his lap.

"Yeah, it was his."

He doesn't say it with any special feeling or emotion whatsoever, but Taehyung is too convinced with the idea of there being something between those two that he doesn't care about details. He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth before glancing Jungkook's way, the younger standing next to the sofa, not sitting down like him and making everything the more awkward.

"You should've stayed with him," he says. He's being petty and he knows it.

Jungkook stares at him for a moment, confused and wary, before voicing out, "What? Why?"

"Well, you obviously care more for him---" he shrugs, and yeah he's definitely fishing for Jungkook to say quite the opposite, to contradict him and make him feel less shitty about this whole thing.

And he does.

He's shaking his head before Taehyung even gets to finish his sentence. "I don't. And I'm here, am I not?" he asks, eyebrows raised almost challengingly towards him. Tae loves the provocation in them; the way they curve on his forehead is almost artistic. .

He swallows a smile but the younger notices either way. He thinks it's perceptible, the way his lips struggle not to turn upwards and twitch into a grin... or maybe Jungkook has been too obsessed over how the sun seems to have touched every part of Taehyung's golden skin, over how his cheekbones are so expressive and his eyes, eternally alive with emotion wherever he looks...maybe it's just that.

"Yeah, you are," a pause, an acknowledgement. He is here. He isn't going anywhere. There's a hesitation in the question that follows it, "Are you going to tell me truth now?"

Jungkook nods, though he looks less confident now. His leg is shaking against the floor, his words trembling around his throat, each one choking him with the need to reach Taehyung and caress the sunlight that pours out of his mouth. He takes a deep breath, confesses, "I intend to."

"Tell me," he insists, his own legs shaking just like the younger's. Jungkook stares at him for a moment, gaze more leveled than himself.

"I understand if you never want to see me again after this, Tae."

Tae . Such a gentleness in the way he says his name, such a careful act when he lets it wander around the room and poke Taehyung in the ribs, the stomach, joining the butterflies in a wild dance that corrupts his insides...and yet he feels like screaming out in anger. As if he could ever stop seeing Jungkook. Hasn't that been proven enough already? How much that would fuck him up? How much he needs him, how much he craves his touch and kisses and just him in general?

"You really have no idea," he huffs, looking away, irritation pouring out of him in waves that hit Jungkook in the face. Who, on the other hand, is extremely confused. He frowns, scratches his neck, stares at Taehyung as if he had suddenly grown another head.

"Huh?"

"You think---god, you must think really fucking low of me to believe I'd ever---did any of it mean anything to you? At all?" he inquiries, scared as ever, of course. He doesn't think there's anything he could do right now that wouldn't be accompanied by a subnormal amount of nerves. That's just how it is and he's accepted it; he's accepted the hard beating of his heart, the slightly sweaty palms, the raised pulse and the undeniable butterflies on his stomach every time he looks at Jungkook. There's just something about him that makes Taehyung want to leave it all behind and hold onto whatever Jungkook throws his way.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you---it, it did. So much ," he leans closer then, hand resting on the sofa behind Taehyung, eyes so hard and focused on him that he has to force himself not to look away, intimidated by their intensity. He can smell his intoxicating yet familiar perfume and it threatens to break something inside him. Perhaps it already did; but god, it probably fixed it, too.

The butterflies hit him full force then.

"Really?" he whispers, leaning close as well, unable to keep his hands completely to himself anymore as they shake at his sides; hungry for his touch, thirsty for his voice.

Jungkook gets a bit light headed by the way Taehyung's eyes shine. He can't keep it inside any longer, doesn't want to. This is it. This is the moment he risks it all, wishing, praying for the older to feel at least half of what he feels for him. Even that would be more than enough. So he opens his mouth and finally lets it all out, pouring his heart out and allowing the proper vulnerability that comes with falling in love to swim around his eyes.

"I lov---" Jungkook begins but Taehyung is too anxious and panicky and such a big coward to hear the rest that he shuts him up with a bruising kiss. The moment their lips brush, he swallows a sigh. So many days have passed since they last did this that Tae completely melts against him, pushing and pulling and opening for Jungkook to take. He whines against his mouth, needing more, wanting more. Nothing is nearly enough, not when it comes to him.

And then Jungkook is pulling him even closer, holding him tight as Tae stands up, ready to follow him wherever he'd take him. Jungkook begins waking as if once again reading his mind, still kissing him deeply, bodies glued together. Taehyung forces himself to break the kiss to see they're heading to his room. He gapes. "Are you sure?" he asks hoping his voice doesn't sound as weak as he is, trying to conceal the new wave of nerves that hits him.

"Yes," he replies, confidence and trust in his voice as he opens the door and walks in. Their hands are tangled together still as Jungkook takes him on his arms and lays him on the bed with such delicacy and softness that it makes Tae flush profusely. The room is dark, all lights are off. He can't see anything but the slight shadow of Jungkook's warm body over him, hovering as he leans down and kisses his jaw.

Taehyung digs his nails into the soft comforter and bites the inside of his cheek, lust clouding his mind. And also... love. So much love for the man that drinks him in with only one stare and cures all his pains with one simple touch.

Jungkook nibbles at his lip and it'd be embarrassing how quickly Tae parts his lips and legs for him if it weren't for the fact they're both so undeniably into each other that it hurts to do anything but touch and kiss and feel one another.

"I've missed you," Jungkook confesses into his ears, lips brushing his cheekbone as soft as a pair of feathers. Taehyung smiles through the next kiss, feels their hands intertwined next to his head and is about to say something back when the younger shatters the moment they were having by feeling him through his jeans. He gasps, and even through the darkness he sees Jungkook smirk down at him. His eyes flutter close when he feels the younger's hands traveling under his shirt; their touch is cool against his warm skin but as usual, it feels like sunshine is being poured through every window whenever Jungkook touches him.

Jungkook begins unbuttoning his shirt, relishing in the exposed skin and the way Taehyung reacts to everything he does, little beautiful sounds leaving his pink, parted lips.

"Beautiful..." he murmurs, almost without noticing. He's glad he can finally voice out all of the thoughts he's had over the past few months, but he's also still apprehensive. He didn't even get to say half of the things he meant to, and Taehyung didn't exactly say he felt the same way...but there's something in the way the older's fingers brush the hairs off his forehead and in the intense way he stares back at him through the darkness that makes him believe he may.

Taehyung holds Jungkook's neck as he leans and brushes their lips against one another, letting his tongue caress his mouth softly. He sighs before his fingers touch Jungkook's shirt with a frown. "Take it off...everything."

And Jungkook obeys, taking his shirt off over his head despite of the buttons and unzipping his jeans to leave him only on his briefs. Taehyung takes the rest of his shirt off without looking away and he's struggling with his tight jeans when Jungkook chuckles as he reaches him, helping him by holding his legs as if they weighed nothing and discarding the jeans on the floor afterwards.

"I want to eat you out," he says then, as if it meant nothing, as if it didn't make Taehyung gasp and almost cry out in help because fuck, he can't just say those things. The idea of Jungkook's mouth on him has him whining, legs shaking as he nods. "You'd like that?" he asks and Taehyung can't for the life of him open his mouth to talk because he knows no coherent words can come out of this.

Jungkook, thanks god, gets the message and smiles as he takes the older's briefs off, his skin shivering slightly as the air plays with his naked, exposed body. "Flex your knees," he orders then and Taehyung instantly obeys like the good boy he is. He stares as Jungkook's big hand caresses his legs, fingers traveling up and down through his skin and leaving a trail of warmth behind. He bites on his lip when Jungkook leans down against him and he feels his breath touch his entrance softly. They've done this before countless of times but it's been too long; and it's never felt as intense or real as it is now as Jungkook presses kisses down his thighs, bites playfully at the skin he can reach. Taehyung whimpers every time.

"Just do it already..." he sighs, legs spreading even wider yet. He feels Jungkook chuckle against his skin.

"Eager, aren't we?"

"Yes, so get on with---" and then he feels the sudden brush of Jungkook's wet tongue rubbing against his hole. A moan abandons his lips instantly, hands gripping the comforter tightly. Jungkook kisses passionately at his entrance, burying his face deep between his legs and slowly allowing his tongue to poke inside. Taehyung's legs threaten to give out underneath him, the pleasure too delicious to handle.

His tongue continuous to travel through him, lapping at his walls as Jungkook's hands hold him down, warm and strong. He feels his nose brush his skin, feels every breath the younger takes right inside him. And Jungkook relishes in every sound, every moan, every shiver that goes through the older's body as he tastes him, eating him out thoroughly and moving his tongue expertly inside him. He knows Taehyung could come like this. He knows it when he puts a finger inside him, the entrance so wet that the slide is completely easy. It makes Taehyung moan a loud and broken, " Jeon..."

He sounds wrecked, climax nearing when Jungkook lets his tongue and two of his fingers destroy Taehyung over and over again, circling and pushing and pulling repeatedly. He steers clear of his prostate until the last moment when the nail of his index finger brushes against the bundle of nerves and makes Taehyung arch his back in pleasure.

"I'm gonna..." he gasps, and that's when Jungkook lets go of him completely, placing all of him off Taehyung abruptly, leaving him whimpering against the bed. "You....jerk..." he whispers, panting. Jungkook laughs as he searches for a condom, finding a bunch on his bedside table waiting to be used. He thinks of letting Taehyung put it on him but the older is still suffering on the bed, his neglected cock curving towards his stomach, the tip a bright red.

He places the condom on himself, thinking there's no need for lube when Taehyung is dripping all over his bed.

"Please...just...fuck me already," Taehyung begs, lips pouting, his body soft and hot to the touch. Jungkook is already hard but he gives his cock a few strokes either way for good measure as he leans over Taehyung.

"Okay, baby. Come here," he murmurs making the older kneel as he reaches forward, blindly trying to reach Jungkook. The younger chuckles when he finally takes hold of his shoulder. Jungkook leans on one knee, grabbing Taehyung by the hips and hoisting him up on his leg, both of the older's wrapping around his torso like a koala. Their cocks brush against each other making them groan in pleasure. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, yes," he whispers, desperate and needy. Jungkook kisses him, lips velvety to the touch. They kiss and kiss, could continue doing that forever if it weren't for the constant craving for more. Jungkook is lining him up then, pressing his cock against him and entering the tip, swallowing the moans that Taehyung leaves out in the open for him to catch. The position is intense, making the younger's member brush all over his walls and break deep inside him as he enters him. Tae moves his hips trying to adjust to the size, his thighs shaking with the pressure. The pain is slight, barely there compared to the delicious pleasure that fills him. And then Jungkook is moving as well, following his pace as they quickly set up a rhythm; Jungkook pushes forward and up, and Tae pretty much jumps on top of him, legs tightly wrapped around him as they look at each other, intense and deep. "Right there...oh..." he moans, loud and wild against Jungkook's ears. " Daddy ..."

Jungkook groans at the name, hitting Taehyung's sweet spot continuously and brushing his hands over the other's body, touching all the skin he can reach and wallowing in the breathtaking sight that is Kim Taehyung, coming apart and undone in front of him. Or rather, on top.

Taehyung's right hand pulls at the other's hair as his left presses against his hard cock, slender fingers wrapping around himself and drawing moans from his mouth. He teases his own tip, pressing nail and thumb against his slit and circling the corona with heated skin.

"I'm close..." he mumbles and Jungkook once more captures his lips, losing himself completely to Taehyung and the sweet taste of his tongue as it dances with his own inside his mouth, drawing him in. He takes his cock out slowly only to thrust back in full force, making a broken sound leave Taehyung's wet lips. He has to hold him by the back with strong hands for the older not to fall on the bed in a whimper, collapsing in supreme bliss. He comes first, his climax hitting him when Jungkook dives straight for his prostate while kissing his neck, leaving a trail of purple bruises on his wake whenever his teeth dig a bit too hard, just the way Taehyung likes.

Jungkook comes moments later, still buried deep inside Taehyung while the older suffers through the aftermaths of his orgasm. He fills the condom and Tae is instantly filled with warmth. He sighs, eyes shutting as he feels himself being set on the comfortable comforter once again. His limbs feel numb, heart beating fast as he pants.

He drifts off soon after that.

Taehyung wakes up to sunlight pouring in against his eyelids. He blinks a couple of times, trying to gather his bearings as he stares at a large window with the curtains drawn, allowing daylight to filter through. He doesn't recognize the window...neither does he think he's ever seen the white ceiling nor the ivory colored walls. Which, now that he pays attention to them, are covered in words scribbled in black ink. He narrows his eyes trying to read the words but most of them are too small for him to see clearly from the bed. The bed. He looks at the deep navy, silk sheets and the plush pillow under his head.

He sits up, startled by the unknown place he is in. What if someone kidnapped him? Or worse, what if he wakes up to find he's in someone else's body?

But then he hears a soft snore and turns slowly to his right to find Jeon Jungkook sleeping peacefully at his side.

And all the memories come rushing back into his head.

His heart beats so fast he's scared it'll stop beating any second now.

This is Jungkook's room. The sacred place he never lets people in. Suddenly Taehyung has the urge to run all over the bedroom and read all the words in the walls, to touch every drawer and open the window and---fuck, what is wrong with him? Jungkook trusted him to be in here, he can't fuck up by going through his stuff.

Though, reading the walls isn't exactly intruding, right? The walls are there for anyone inside to see, after all.

Slowly, quietly, he puts the blankets off of him. He's glad to find his briefs still on the floor. He reaches towards them, putting them on as he walks towards the nearest wall. There's a desk filled with piles of papers, some written, some blank. There are dozens of pens and different types of small bottles of ink. Is this how all writer's rooms look like?

There's a word in the way you smile at me.

You drip poetry when you part your lips.

I stare at the novel clinging to your fingertips.

I've always loved books

but I'd rather read your smile every day

if you'd like me to.

The words are so beautiful as they lean against the wall and own it. Is this Jungkook's handwriting? It's so delicate and precious...Taehyung wishes he could become a poem, for the words sound soft and perfect in his mind.

He turns to the words on the other wall, then.

If boxes were people,

your arms would encircle my throat,

your hands would catch at my words,

your eyes would lit a fire against my tongue,

your heart would break and shatter

all that I hold close.

"Tae? What are you...doing?" Jungkook's sleepy voice asks, startling him. He turns around and finds a disgruntled young boy trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes with cold hands. The sheet is barely covering from his navel down, exposing the rest of his naked chest. Taehyung has never seen a barely awake Jungkook. They've never stayed the night before. There's an intimacy about waking up next to someone and seeing the vulnerability of the softness around their eyes and the naturally messy hair that makes him look away.

"You wrote all of these?" he asks instead of answering to his doubt, not bothering to hide his awe as his eyes scan the rest of the words that he has yet to read splattered all across the walls.

He hears a slight yawn and then a dismissive, "Ugh, please don't read them. I was really young. I'll have them paint over soon."

Tae turns around once again, shaking his head fervently. "What? No...they are lovely. Please, just---"

But Jungkook is shaking his head as well, refusing to listen to the older's words.

"They are not lovely, Tae. Now stop looking at them and come here," he pleads, knowing full well that they've never cuddled before but wishing he could wrap his arms around Taehyung nonetheless. Yesterday has to have meant something and the fact that Taehyung is still in his apartment has to mean something as well...right?

"Who are them about?" he inquiries, and as he turns his back on Jungkook he hears the younger sigh, as if resigning to answering whatever questions may come out of Taehyung's lips because he knows there's no persuading him now.

"What?"

"The poems...you must base them on someone, right?"

Taehyung can't see Jungkook's lips twitch upwards into a teasing smile.

"Not necessarily," is all he hears and there's enough seriousness in his voice for him to believe him.

And so he bites the inside of his cheek and nods, curtly. "Right...can I use your bathroom?"

"Sure."

Taehyung begins walking towards the door but Jungkook's voice stops him. "There's one right there."

He turns and indeed, there is another door adjacent to the desk that he hadn't seen before. He nods again and walks towards that one instead, feeling suddenly stupid because of course they would have at least two bathrooms in their penthouse.

As soon as he shuts the door behind him, he buries his face into the palms of his hands and sighs. What am I doing? What are we doing?

Jungkook stares at the closed door and sighs. Reluctantly, he leaves the bed, thankful to have had half a mind the day before to put on some on underwear before going to sleep.

He wonders if he should make breakfast but then he's reminded of the fact that he barely knows how to turn the toaster on. And also, who says Taehyung will stay long enough to have breakfast together? Yes, it may've seen like he felt the same way last night but then again, all they really did was have sex and that wasn't anything new. But it had been different, hadn't it? More careful and measured and intense.

And he stayed the night.

Or rather he fell asleep right after climaxing and I woke up before he could sneak out.

With a frustrated groan, he decides to get changed and wait for Taehyung to see where they are...if they are anywhere at all.

Taehyung should've probably not worn Jungkook's cologne again but once he saw the expensive yet familiar bottle of perfume, he couldn't quite help himself. He's now regretting it though, just as much as he's regretting not having asked for some spare clothes, because the moment he comes out of the bathroom smelling like that, he finds Jungkook fully clothed and sitting at the edge of his bed.

His eyes are on him the moment that he steps out, still pretty much on his briefs. He feels all the blood in his body rush quite quickly to his cheeks.

"Um....do you have any---?"

"Yeah, here," Jungkook says as if he had seen this coming, handing him some dark sweatpants and an oversized white shirt that smells like the perfume he's wearing right now. Tae thinks that getting changed in front of Jungkook would be awkward, but it'd be much worse to walk back inside the protection of the bathroom like a scared little boy, so he simply puts the shirt over his head and rushes to get his legs inside the holes of the sweatpants, trying hard not to glance at Jungkook who is awkwardly looking away as if Taehyung was undressing himself. Even if that was the case it shouldn't be this uncomfortable. They literally fucked last night.

But they've never done this before and Jungkook didn't think Taehyung wearing his own clothes would be this beautiful.

"So..." Tae begins, tugging at the long sleeves of his shirt that cover half of his slender fingers. He looks absolutely adorable and Jungkook has the sudden urge to bring him to his chest and kiss his temple. "Did you sleep well?"

Jungkook looks up from his lap at that, a bit taken aback by the casual question. "Yeah...did you?"

"Yes, your bed is fucking aphrodisiac," he blurts out without thinking and Jungkook can't help the surprised laugh that leaves his mouth at that.

"Really? Maybe I should bring people here more often, then," he replies, trying to crack a stupid joke but obviously failing if Taehyung's sudden sulky face is anything to go by. He quickly rushes to add, "Or like, bring you more often."

Tae looks up at that, eyes wide as if he wasn't actually expecting him to correct himself. Jungkook wasn't expecting it either. But then the sudden surprise is replaced by knowing eyes in Taehyung's gorgeous face.

"Why me?"

Jungkook would laugh if he wasn't extremely embarrassed right now. He runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief, "Ugh, don't do this."

"Do what?" Tae asks with a sly smile, full knowing what he's doing, what he's asking of Jungkook. The younger thinks that whatever is happening at the moment must be a good sign, a very good sign, because Taehyung is practically beaming as he looks at him and god, was he always this dazzling? How can someone look like this right after waking up?

Jungkook feels his breath catch in his throat.

"You already know why."

Taehyung shrugs, innocently (and cutely) batting his lashes at him as he walks a few steps in his direction. "I really don't know," he continous lying and torturing him in the process as he walks the small distance separating them. He stops right when he's one step away from him; so close yet so far. Jungkook wants to touch him so badly that his hands ache but he thinks it may not be the right time yet. He really doesn't want to fuck this up again. He looks at the ceiling, the floor, the walls, anything but the man in front of him.

And all the while Taehyung thinks he may die if Jungkook doesn't reach for him any time soon.

"Because...you're you and yeah..." he finally says, the words messy and blurry as they stumble out of his throat. Taehyung raises an eyebrow in response, finding Jungkook's obvious nerves completely and totally winsome. He's never seen this abash side of himself, not at this stage.

"I'm me?" he asks with a fake frown, head tilting in confusion to the side. The younger absolutely hates how the gesture makes him look even more adorable; eyes sweet and expression almost naive. He takes a risk then and takes hold of one of Taehyung's long sleeves, pushing the fabric forward and tugging him close in the process. Their legs brush against each other as he curls an arm around the older's waist.

Jungkook takes a deep breath soon after and thinks he may die in the process when he questions, "Are you---are you wearing my perfume again?"

Taehyung blushes a crimson red. He didn't think he'd notice that soon. Did he apply too much?

He bites on his lip, but it's more out of playfulness than to cause any real nerve-wrecking damage to the skin like Jungkook is used to doing.

"What if I am?" Tae asks with a smirk, hoping against hope that this is all as light and sweet and casual as he imagines and for Jungkook not to let go of him because his skin and warmth are commonplace and he needs this. All his worries crumble and fall into a pile of dust the moment Jungkook dissolves the smirk plastered on his face when he kisses his mouth, though. The kiss isn't passionate but endearing, it's almost chaste as Jungkook tightens his hold around him, as if scared he'd disappear from his arms the moment he lets go. Just after, Jungkook nibbles at his lower lip with his tongue and Taehyung parts his lips, tasting fresh mint. He's glad he used a spare toothbrush in the bathroom and got to brush his teeth as well.

The kiss doesn't last long though, both parting for air after a moment.

"We should talk," Jungkook says after a few seconds of comfortable silence go by. Their lips brush when he talks.

"Should we, though?" Tae chuckles, scared to the core by the implication behind the younger's words. What if they talk and figure they want different things? What if Jungkook says things he doesn't want to hear? What if they end up hurting each other again?

"Of course. Don't you think we should?" Jungkook asks, sounding surprised. Taehyung is glad that the skinship still remains though, the other's thumb drawing circles against his cheekbone, their foreheads barely touching and the hold still tight around his waist.

"Talking sucks," he murmurs childishly, eyes closed.

"We need to, Tae."

"Not now, please."

"When then?"

"Later."

"Taehyung---"

"Please...just..." he begs, voice almost breaking with need as he kisses Jungkook's lips again.

And Jungkook is so weak for Taehyung, has been craving his light, beautiful touches and his soft skin for so long that he doesn't think he'll be able to let go of the older any time soon.

So he lets him tangle his fingers through his hair, lets him explore his mouth and touch his biceps, lets him, lets him do whatever he wants because he is completely his.

Chapter Fourteen: I Love You

Taehyung is talking on the phone with a client, he's trying to fix his computer since today he has to cover both his job and Chanyeol's. When Namjoon called him to his office to order him to answer his phone as well, he wanted to scream. Yes, he is capacitated for the job but no, he doesn't want to do it. He hates talking to people on the phone, thinks it's awkward and annoying. He'd rather stay behind the protection of his screen and write codes for the rest of the day and yet he can't. He's not getting paid much extra either, is not really worth it but he can't just say no. He didn't even know what Chanyeol's role in the company really was until today. Why does Bangtan offer a special phone aid to his privileged customers, oh why?

"Yes, but I asked you to turn it off first," he repeats, hold tightening around the cord of the phone. He's really close to snapping at the old lady who keeps messing up with the program installed in her computer and wasting his time. "Can you just please press that button that I told you about earlier?" he asks, refraining from screaming as he pinches the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb.

"Are you okay?" asks a voice then, the tone barely above a whisper and yet so familiar in Taehyung's ears. He smiles as he holds the phone to his chest, blocking the microphone.

"No," he replies with a clipped smile. Jungkook chuckles. He's leaning against his cubicle, the white tight shirt he's wearing seems about to burst open due to his strained muscles. His lips look redder than usual as if he's been biting them for over the past few mintues. Taehyung is suddenly reminded of what happened two days ago, the words the younger almost uttered out and the meaning behind them.

The older brings the phone back to his ear, holds it against his shoulder as his hands type a code on the screen, the numbers and letters quickly filling his computer.

"Yes, now wait around ten minutes and if it doesn't work, call me again..." he continues, trying hard not to stare at the way Jungkook's sharp jaw calls for attention, at his lean figure and his nose and his cheekbones and his lips and his lashes and his hands and his fingers and his---. "Yeah, okay, goodbye," he hangs up then, a sigh leaving his lips, his ears instantly relieved not to have to endure that woman's whining any longer. He looks up to find an amused Jungkook looking at him. "What can I do you for?"

He hasn't talked to Jungkook ever since they laid on his bed staring at each other as if the other had hung the moon itself, trying to find stars hidden behind dark irises and even darker gazes. Taehyung knows Jungkook wants to talk; to really talk, properly and thoroughly. To discuss emotions amongst themselves and find a common ground. And he does want that, of course he wants that but he's scared, so pathetically and undeniably that he can't bring himself to open his mouth and tell all of this to Jungkook, scared the younger will go and leave him, scared what he has to offer isn't enough, scared he will realize that maybe it only worked because it was just sex before and sex is easy; it's skin and tongue and pulling and taking and giving. It doesn't have to mean anything but pleasure. Now love...love is another matter entirely. A matter Taehyung isn't familiar with, not personally. His parent's love story may warm up his heart and make him believe love exists but now that he's experiencing it, he wonders if he can handle it. He doesn't know how to react when Jungkook looks at him with something akin to tenderness, he doesn't know where to look at when his hands shake in a lame attempt to find the other's reassuring touch, he doesn't know what to do with himself now that his chest is filled with something people put a name to but not a face. You can't touch love, you can't tell it to go away, you can't hide it; it shows, you can't make it stop growing; it's constantly hungry and it feeds off you.

And yet when Jungkook smiles and a strand of dark hair falls over his eyes, Taehyung can't call the emotion that squeezes his heart anything but.

"Can we meet after?" he asks, almost shy. This isn't the Jungkook he's used to, the Jungkook that would call him names and tease him with a smirk, the one that didn't just play the game but also set the rules, the one that won every time. The one Taehyung thought of as lazy and living off his father's money. Oh no, that Jungkook is long gone, maybe never really existed in the first place.

He nods, body unable to reject Jungkook in any shape or form, regardless of his eating nerves.

"I get out at seven," he replies and the younger nods back as if he already knew that.

"We can go to mine and maybe...talk?" he suggests, gorgeous lips curving around the words that make Taehyung swallow. Of course he wants to talk today. Why wait? Why not jump in and take what he wants, what they both want?

And who is Taehyung to say no? If he were to, Jungkook would ask why and he'd have to open his mouth and spit words the younger may not like and he doesn't want that, not yet. Seven o'clock is just three hours away but that's better than now.

"Sure, let's do that," he smiles and Jungkook smiles back before turning around and leaving for his office.

Taehyung doesn't scramble for his mobile phone fast enough.

Taehhh

how do i get out of talking to him

Jiminnie!

u for real?

Taehhh

he wants to talk.

you know how i feel about talking

Jiminnie!

tae come on u need to talk!

but anyway u can always fuck him

Taehhh

me? fuck him?

Jiminnie!

yeh

Taehhh

mmm...

g o o d i d e a

It's a quarter to seven. Most of the employees are wrapping their works up, putting things away, getting ready to leave for the day. Taehyung is knocking on Jungkook's door and biting on his lip, doubtful. He isn't sure this is a good idea. Having sex at the office is something they've never done before, for obvious reasons. This is Jungkook's family company and Taehyung's job, which he'd like keeping. And something tells Tae that regardless of Jungkook being the son of the owner and founder of Bangtan, they won't doubt in firing them both if they were to be found fucking against his desk. They can't just throw everything off the board and do it.

And yet when Jungkook opens the door for him to come in, he rushes inside and shuts it behind him, locking it for good measure. The younger doesn't notice.

"You're ready to go?" he asks, leaning over his table to grab something, but Taehyung beats him to it and leans himself against his desk instead, hands scrambling from behind him to move away the few things laying around, clearing the surface. Jungkook raises an amused eyebrow towards him. "What's with you?" he chuckles when he sees the older smile cutely and bat his lashes at him.

"We've never done it in the office," he blurts out, eyeing the blinds and feeling relieved they're already shut, Jungkook probably thinking he was leaving for the rest of the day, too.

He frowns, arms wrapping around his chest, biceps flexing. "We agreed not to."

"Yes...I know," he sighs, tongue trailing the path of his lower lip, slowly. He refrains from smirking when Jungkook has to force himself to raise his eyes back to his. "But wouldn't that be really hot?"

The younger shakes his head, eyes moving around them with the speed of his thoughts.

"And dangerous," he adds.

"Don't be a bore, I locked the door and everyone is leaving anyway," he shrugs.

Jungkook heaves a sigh, shaking his head. He looks absolutely edible as he turns around for a moment. Taehyung eyes his backside and feels his heart race.

"Why can't we just wait until we get to my apartment?" he questions as he turns back towards him.

Taehyung's face falls. He pouts, asking, "Where's the fun in that?"

Before Jungkook can reply, the older walks towards him, leaning close to his neck and nuzzling the skin there, drinking his perfume in. It's familiar and intoxicating as usual, making his lashes flutter. "You know what else I realized?" he asks in a deeper tone, one hand wrapping around Jungkook's right wrist, circling the tender, pale skin as the other fists part of his shirt, the expensive fabric almost velvety against his fingers. "That I never got to see you bent over a desk."

Jungkook's eyes widen, hands frozen at his sides. He's never heard Taehyung say anything like that, alluding to a change of roles, to the older taking complete charge and making him whimper with a touch, a word, a gesture. He won't lie and pretend he hasn't pictured it before. The idea has run over his head many times before but it was never this vivid, this real, this palpable and reachable.

"W---what?"

"Come on, baby, let me see you bent and writhing for me," he continues, his voice closer to his ears, closer to him. Jungkook knows they shouldn't do this, knows it's morally and ethically wrong, knows they shouldn't have sex in his office and also, shouldn't they talk first, see where they are, discuss what's going on in each other's minds? Isn't that the healthy thing to do, what people do in general? What his parents never bothered doing...

Jungkook doesn't want to be his parents. He refuses to cheat and lie, to forget about what really matters and hurt everyone around you. No, he doesn't want that for him and Taehyung. And yet, he's not stupid. He knows Taehyung doesn't want to talk and it makes him wonder if the older feels the same way about him at all.

But then again, when his lips seal themselves upon the spot behind his left ear and his tongue sucks a red mark there, he doesn't really think his mind cares much about self-preservation. Not then.

"Taehyung..." he gasps as he feels his cold and slender fingers unbutton his shirt with expertise, tongue still lapping at his skin. Jungkook eyes the shut blinds, the locked door, thinks maybe no one has to know. He told his assistant he was leaving at seven anyway...

And maybe talking can wait another hour. Taehyung isn't going anywhere, but he holds him close either way, wrapping an arm around his waist and pressing his body against him. The older sucks at his neck before trailing his lips up to his mouth; he teases him, only allowing Jungkook to get a tender brush of his tongue right at the corner of his lips. Jungkook would let him have it his way, slow and intense, if it weren't for the fact he's already half-hard in his pants. He captures his mouth, swirls his tongue inside the warmness there, pushes him against the desk without mercy. Taehyung moans, hands spreading across his now exposed chest.

"Honey, I think..." he says between pants, pink, wet lips parting to let his breath out. "I think you didn't quite understand."

"What?" Jungkook almost growls, his hungry mouth kissing Taehyung again, tasting his natural sweetness and pressing his fingers against his sides, possessive.

Taehyung breaks the kiss and Jungkook sees his dark eyes, the lust in them as he pushes his shoulders and turns him around before he can't even blink. He's the one against the desk now. "I'm in charge today," he smirks, lips stretching wide and enchanting Jungkook, luring him in as he leans closer to get another taste, but Taehyung regards him without a hint of pity as he shakes his head no. "So eager, baby."

"Can we just---"

"No," the older cuts him off, voice serious, devoid of any amusement and his eyes...god, his eyes are so dark and his lips are no longer smirking but pursing instead. Jungkook has never seen this side of Taehyung; this demanding, tough, almost mad side that is so undoubtedly hot that the younger can feel his own heartbeat. He doesn't know what to expect and he loves it. Why haven't they done this before?

"We're doing this my way. Now take off your shirt," he commands then and Jungkook unbottons it with shaky fingers, thinks he'd better do whatever Taehyung says...though what if he riles him up a bit? What if he gets madder? What if he... punishes him? Jungkook didn't know he was that into this kind of thing but his cock tells him otherwise.

And so he doesn't take his shirt off, not completely. He stares at Taehyung, almost defiant. He won't make it easy for him to be in charge.

"I said take off your shirt," he repeats, hands fumbling with his own belt.

Jungkook shrugs.

Taehyung raises an eyebrow. He didn't expect Jungkook to actually put up a fight with how obviously hard he already is, and he's also not used to being told no. His hands leave his belt to cage Jungkook against the desk instead. Taehyung presses his tongue against the inside of his left cheek, eyes half-lidded as he looks at him. The younger gulps.

"You didn't hear me?" he asks, voice deeper than before and Jungkook really didn't think that was possible. He follows the movement of his tongue as it wets his full lower lip. He feels dizzy. "Take it off," he whispers though despite his order his own hands are the ones that slide the shirt off his shoulders, revealing his skin to the air. Jungkook shivers though he doubts it has anything to do with the coldness of the room.

He looks at Taehyung who is still fully clothed and says, "You too."

Taehyung's smirk is almost evil, relishing in Jungkook's need for him. "We have time, why rush?" he asks, gesturing with his hand for the younger to sit on his desk. He obeys, thinking that maybe that will get him something faster. He can play hard to get another day, who is he kidding? He's horny and needs Taehyung to do something besides staring at him with that blatant hunger in his eyes.

"Because I want you. Now," he replies and his muscles flex as his arms raise him to the desk. He can feel goosebumps growing in his arms due to the slight cold in the air but he doesn't care. He wants the heat that only Taehyung's skin can provide.

"Bad boys don't get what they want, baby," another smirk, another stretch of lips as he fully unbuckles his belt and throws it on the floor, careless. Jungkook lowers his eyes, watches the brown leather before raising them back to Taehyung.

"I didn't---I'm not---" he stutters. He doesn't know why he's so nervous, this is Taehyung after all...but this isn't the Taehyung he's known for the last two years, not really.

"Shhh, I'll take care of you," he smiles, so gorgeous and perfect that it physically hurts Jungkook not to be touching him right now. But the idea of being taken care of excites him, and so he nods a couple of times for good measure, making sure Taehyung sees that he agrees, that he's more than okay with all of this. He loves it when the older smiles at him and finally, finally allows their lips to touch again. It's soft, slow but Jungkook pushes against his mouth and wishes for Taehyung to part his lips so he can taste him. The older doesn't let him but nibbles at his bottom lip instead, forcing him to open his own mouth and licking inside it with his tongue, swirling and twisting it until all Jungkook can feel is pleasure. He moans when Taehyung tugs at his dark hair and he hears the sound of his pants fall to the floor. "Take yours off," he whispers into his lips and Jungkook nods, eager to obey.

Taehyung is still wearing his shirt though, and it falls on his frame covering a part of his honey colored thighs. Jungkook sighs at the sight as he is left in nothing but his briefs. He's never been this naked on his own office and it feels strange. He knows the door is locked but he can't help but wonder what would happen if someone were to enter now. There's no way to explain Taehyung unbuttoning only the first two buttons of his shirt while staring at him with lustful eyes, no way to explain Jungkook sitting on his desk in his underwear, legs spread open for the other.

But all worry leaves his mind instantly when Taehyung suddenly gets on his knees on the space between his legs. He sends him a look with mirth and playfulness spilling out of his eyes before his hands travel to his thighs, holding him in place. He swallows a moan when the older begins sucking another mark on his left thigh, mouth opening wide against him. "So strong..." he sighs, kissing the skin almost gently. Jungkook throws his head back, relief flooding his insides as Taehyung's smooth lips press against his flesh. A few seconds later though, he feels the beginning of a bite in the same spot as the older digs his teeth a bit too hard on his thigh. Jungkook winces but the pain translates to pleasure through his body.

"Fuck, just..." he sighs, his neglected cock asking for attention when Taehyung keeps on teasing the skin around it but nothing else.

"Careful, love. Good boys don't curse," he smirks as he raises back up from the floor, his light blue shirt still on. Jungkook frowns but says nothing back. "Oh, don't get mad. You want my cock that bad?"

"You know I do."

"Beg."

Jungkook's eyes widen with surprise. "What?"

Taehyung looks as if he were about to laugh. He feels sorry for the younger, but he's been in his position before many, many times and today is his day. Today they're playing by his rules.

He brings his hands to his shirt, and instead of continuing to take it off as slowly as he was doing it before, he bursts the buttons open, tugging at the fabric until they all give in and fall to the floor to join his belt. Jungkook stares in awe. That has to be one of the hottest things he's ever seen.

Taehyung doesn't move to take the rest off, but tilts his head to the side and bites on the inside of his cheek instead, before ordering in a husky voice that sends a shiver down Jungkook's spine, "Beg. You loved making me beg so beg. Beg baby, beg for my cock."

Jungkook swallows nothing but air. His eyes roam over Taehyung's exposed skin, his soft tummy and his hard member visible through his underwear....he wants to eat him whole.

Or have him eat him.

"Turn around," Taehyung says before the younger is able to come up with a reply. Jungkook quickly stands up, leaving the desk to obey his demand. Taehyung almost laughs at how fast he gets ready for him. He really is eager. He gets closer to him, hitting his right ear with his warm breath as his hand gets a handful of his ass. His fingers knead the soft skin as he murmurs, "You want it?"

Taehyung won't lie; he's surprised by his own words, how easily they come out of his mouth, how pleasurable it is to make the younger squirm like this, to turn him so vulnerable and needy for him. Why the hell didn't he try this before?

"Yes---yes, I want it..." Jungkook sighs, his hard cock grazing the desk as Taehyung pushes him against it with his big hands.

"How much, baby? Tell me," he insists, both hands sliding his underwear off slowly, the fabric feels like lava as he rubs it against his soft skin. His legs are shaking.

"So much Tae...please just---give it to me already."

Taehyung smirks, pleased with how gone and desperate the younger already sounds, considering he's barely even touched him. Jungkook shuts his eyes when he hears a bottle opening up. It seems the older came prepared; he already knew Jungkook would say yes, he's too weak to say no.

And then, faster than Jungkook expected considering what a tease Taehyung is, the older spreads him open with one hand, the gesture fast as he slides a finger in with his other one. His hands were already cold but with the lube they're even colder. Jungkook sighs; he hasn't been fucked in a long time, the feeling of the intruding finger is almost foreign. And Taehyung has such pretty fingers, such long and slender fingers that will wreck him open slowly. Or so he thinks.

A minute later he finds out he was wrong, for Taehyung is sliding two fingers and scissoring them mercilessly in and out of his entrance. He crooks his fingers expertly, nails scratching at his walls and moving smoothly with wet sounds filling the room. The lube drips to his thighs, thick liquid falling all over the floor. All the while Taehyung speaks dirty words against his earlobe like a mantra, "You like it when I split you open, huh? Like my hands inside you? Like how it feels to touch you right here?" he asks when he hears a loud moan the moment his index grazes his prostate. How did he even find it that fast? How are his fingers moving like this inside him? How much experience does Taehyung have?

Jungkook hopes most of the employees are gone by now because otherwise they may hear something they shouldn't and how is he supposed to explain this?

"Yes, yes...so good," he moans anyway, unable to keep from whimpering. He bites on his lip and tastes blood when Taehyung adds a third finger, the slide more than easy by now, his hole welcoming the addition as it clenches around his hand. He's already leaking, it's embarrassing. "I'm ready---stop, just---fuck me."

But Taehyung is merciless. He chuckles, breathy against his ear as he continues fucking him open with three fingers, hitting his prostate every few seconds and dragging Jungkook completely to the edge. His hands grip the desk tightly, knuckles white as he feels tremors travel through his entire body. His cock leaks drops of precum to the floor and the warmth inside his body enhances as the seconds go by, climax nearing. The combination of sounds between his fingers, his voice, the older's low grunts and Jungkook's own moans only make him hungrier for more.

And then his fingers are suddenly completely gone and Jungkook almost falls to the floor.

"Easy there," Taehyung laughs, grabbing him by the hips and holding him in place. "Want my cock now?"

Jungkook nods several times before panting, "Yes, please Tae....give it to me."

"Such a good boy..." Taehyung murmurs against the spot between his shoulder blades, his lips leaving kisses all over his back making the younger sigh. Part of him wants to turn around, grab Taehyung, slam him against a wall and teach him who really is in charge...but other part, a more awake one, wishes to succumb and follow his orders, to let Taehyung wreck him completely and take all of him.

Suddenly he feels the older's cock graze over his entrance, teasingly. He spreads his shaking legs almost instinctively, hips pushing backwards for him to get inside him already. "Come on."

"Shhh, don't be impatient," he murmurs and Jungkook growls in return. He feels hot all over, his body feverish, his cheeks flushed and his pulse ricocheting to the sky. "Can I fuck you like this?" the other male asks then, and Jungkook is just about to ask what he means by that when he feels the bare skin of Taehyung's hard cock caress the curve of his ass. He moans, the idea making his eyes flutter in pleasure.

"Yes, yes----please Tae, I'll do anything just---" the words abandon his mouth before he can catch them, tell them to keep quiet and stay trapped inside the warm box of desire inside him.

But Taehyung's pleased voice makes him forget everything else except him and his hold and his deep voice.

"You'll do anything?" Taehyung asks, the idea tempting the darkest, most lustful parts of his mind. Having Jungkook like this for him, so pliant and giving, makes him want to worship absolutely everything about him.

"Yes," he answers with no hesitation whatsoever. Full trust. And fuck if that isn't sexy.

"I'll take you up on that later, baby," he can hear the sassy smirk in his voice, Taehyung probably getting what he'd planned from the very start but he doesn't care, not when he finally enters him without remorse. Jungkook throws his head backwards, a loud moan leaving his parted lips as he feels Taehyung's cock corrupt his walls. His hands grab his hips tightly, fingers digging at his sides, probably leaving burning marks behind. "You're so tight, fuck ."

Jungkook sighs, adjusting to the size and feeling the slight pain, rejoicing in the burn as his hole is stretched and his walls flexed to fit the other's fat cock. He can't wait too long though, and so after a few seconds, he utters a shaky, "Move."

He can almost taste the sweat already clinging to his skin. He's so full with the other's thickness clinging to his insides, splitting him in two and slamming into him in slow, almost careful movements. Jungkook wants more, needs more. He's been teased too much already. "Come on, fuck me like you mean it," he growls, demanding and borderline desperate. His tone makes Taehyung chuckle, breathy and husky. Even that sound is hot as fuck for Jungkook's ears.

But the older listens to his pleas. He listens and he fucks him as deep and hard as he needed all along. He feels himself drowning under waves of pleasure that hit him full force, knocking the breath out of his lungs and licking at his heartbeat, driving it slowly insane.

Taehyung bites his shoulder, then slides his mouth to kiss his neck while he plays with his hair; he tangles it between his fingers and pulls, yanking Jungkook's head backwards and kissing his cheek. The gesture is almost gentle, a constant contradiction to how hard he fucks him, hips snapping over and over again. His hand snakes around the other's waist and he plays with his cock then, the tip flushed and red, wet with cum. It makes Jungkook let out a sound between a whine and a sob.

Taehyung slides his cock slowly out of his entrance, the movement filling them both with pleasure as he then slams back in full force, the tip of his cock finding the bundle of nerves that sends a shock of bliss through Jungkook's body.

"There, oh my God--- Taehyung."

And so he proceeds to slam against that particular spot, one hand still holding to his hip and the other teasing his cock continuously, fingers curling around the corona and spreading the wet cum around the base.

"I won't---I'm close fuck, I'm so close, yes," Jungkook pants, his back hurting due to the position he's been in for so long. Taehyung takes his cock out and turns him around then, using the hand gripping him as leverage to set him on top of his desk. The younger stares at him expectantly and bites his lip when Taehyung takes his legs between his hands and raises them, opening him up and showing his wet entrance clenching around nothing, asking for his throbbing member.

And then he slams back in without wasting another second, the new angle providing even a deeper thrust. Jungkook moans louder than ever before, hands still gripping the desk as he gasps. Taehyung pushes and takes all of him, the sound of skin against skin, of their hips knocking against each other so delicious and wet as even more lube drips down his legs and---

Jungkook comes with a scream, climaxing so hard he sees stars bursting behind his eyelids. Taehyung comes right after, the sight of the beautiful, gorgeous young man so broken under him going straight to his cock. He fills him with his warm cum and Jungkook's gets all over his desk but he couldn't care less. They're a mess but he adores it.

"Fuck, that was---god, I love you," he says without thinking, blurting out the words helplessly. He sees Taehyung freeze on the spot, eyes widening in surprise, mouth going slack. He looks fucked up with his messy hair, strands of it sweaty and sticking to his forehead. He's still wearing his unstitched shirt, but the rest of him is naked and beautiful. "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to---" he rushes to apologize, hoping he didn't just fuck everything up. Taehyung slides out of him in a smooth movement, Jungkook hastily standing up to try and conserve some of his dignity.

"Oh, Kooks..." Taehyung sighs, the nickname falling from his lips out of its own accord. His eyes are casted down, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. "I'm sorry, I'm just really stupid and...emotionally constipated it seems," he lets out a humorless laugh that makes the corners of his mouth twitch slightly upwards.

"It's okay, you don't need to say it back I mean...it really is fine, Tae," he replies, one hand scratching at his neck awkwardly. He wishes he at least were wearing his underwear.

"Except it's not. You deserve more it's just---I've never had this with anyone...I don't even know what this is ," he gestures raising his hands before letting them fall to his sides. "It took me so long to recognize my own feelings, it's absurd," he continues, hoping Jungkook won't make him talk about said feelings out loud.

Jungkook thinks it's a bit amusing that they're finally having this conversation when they're both naked on his own office. He still has cum on his chest, for fuck's sakes. With a half smile he says, "Let's get changed and go out, okay? We can talk there."

Taehyung nods. It feels right.

He chuckles then as he eyes them both. They look bizarre.

"Yeah, let's do that."

It's one hour later that they find themselves walking around the city. The night is dark and cold but the car's lights driving by are bright and colorful, making a whole show whenever Taehyung narrows his eyes at them. They both haven't said much yet, they're just a few blocks away from the office and the older is hoping Jungkook will bring the subject back into the conversation because he may be here and ready to talk (or as ready as he can be), but that doesn't mean he has the will to actually start. And yet as the minutes go by, Taehyung begins to wonder if the younger is perhaps waiting for him to talk. It'd make sense, he's been trying all along and all he's done in return is shut him down.

They're nearing a park now, it's almost nine and there aren't many people around. The trees are leafless but beautiful, the grass wet with dew drops. There's a quiet loneliness to winter that brings peace to Taehyung's eyes. He stares all around them and thinks this is exactly where they're supposed to finally talk, to put words to their feelings and set them free.

They walk along the path that cuts right through the middle of the park, its red bricks like a living, bleeding vein.

"Remember Japan?" Taehyung asks all of the sudden, breaking Jungkook out of his stupor. His eyes were focused on the sky for too long by now. The older wonders deep down if it's a writer's thing; to get lost in the smallest of things, let your mind fly and don't come back to earth until someone else is there to catch you. He would willingly catch Jungkook every day.

The younger looks at him with a confused expression. "It wasn't that long ago, so yeah, why?"

Taehyung allows his feet to slowly drag him ahead as he speaks, this time without measuring his words or filtering them. Jungkook deserves the raw truth. He deserves to see it all and judge by himself.

"I loved it there. I wasn't so scared, I don't know...it felt like we could really be together, make it work and all," he sighs, and when Jungkook turns to look at him he can see the hurt in his eyes.

"What do you mean? We can...don't you think we can?" he asks, silently asking for reassurance. And on a normal day, Taehyung would give it to him. He'd give anything, do anything for him. He hates that the way Jungkook's gaze turns from calmed to worried in the span of five seconds is completely his fault. But he can't keep lying to him, can't keep putting up excuses and postponing this conversation. He just can't.

Taehyung's smile is so sad it hurts him deep inside. "What if it ruins it, Kooks?" his question is soft, almost as if he were scared of hearing the answer.

Jungkook stops in his tracks then, his eyes leaving the huge water fountain right in the middle of the park that seems to have appeared out of nowhere, to find Taehyung again.

"What if what ruins it?"

The older wets his lips and takes a deep breath before replying, "Love. What if it ruins what we have? Why risk it?"

Jungkook frowns, one hand reaching out to grab Taehyung. The other instantly intertwines his fingers between his, trusting. "How could it possibly be a bad thing? This, how could it be anything but good?" he asks, because the older's warm hand feels absolutely right on his.

Taehyung shakes his head, expression unconvinced. If only it were that easy... "I don't know---"

"I won't hurt you," he rushes to say, his cheeks flushed a pretty red color due to the cold air around them.

Tae feels a smile tempting his lips at that. Of course Jungkook would jump to that conclusion He tilts his head, asks, "And what if I hurt you?"

"I'll move on," he simply shrugs, unfazed. It makes Taehyung rolls his eyes.

"I'm serious."

"So am I," he insists, squeezing his hand slightly. It feels familiar. He bites his lip, looks around, runs his free hand through his hair. Taehyung observes it all with smitten eyes. He's adorable when he's nervous. "Look, I'm scared too, okay? I've never felt this for anyone either but I love you and fuck it, let's try. It may be a mess, it probably will be... but it could be worth it."

And Taehyung thinks he'll never be more in love in his life than he is now. It's true it seems, that you only truly understand what love is when you feel it, when it's blooming out of your fingertips and curling around your limbs.

Jungkook makes him happy. And he does love him. He's still terribly scared but maybe he's right; maybe he should let go and try. It's what his parents did, after all, and it worked for them...and also, what if he really never feels this way again about anyone? What then? Or worse, what if he does ? What if he lets Jungkook go and completely loses him? If there's anyone out there for him, anyone he can possibly picture a future with, it's him.

And so he brings Jungkook's hand to his lips, kisses his knuckles, closes his eyes. The younger stares, waiting for his reply. Once he puts their hands down, he opens his eyes again and regards him with a smile. "I always did have a hard time saying no to you."

Jungkook grins, his heart beating steadily now. "You did."

Taehyung's smile is so dazzling then, so comforting and full of trust, his eyes dark but hopeful that Jungkook believes he could write a hundred sonnets about that gesture alone.

"What about Yugyeom?" the older asks then, almost shy as he focuses his eyes on their hands. It makes Jungkook frown profusely.

"What? He's just a friend."

"Really?"

"Yes, Tae," he rolls his eyes at that. How could he think there would be anyone in his mind but him? And yet he's just as stupid as he is because he asks, "What about Minjae?"

Taehyung hits him on the shoulder, playful. "Just a guy. I didn't even like him."

"Really?" he wonders but he already knows it's true when Taehyung is wrapping his arms around him and smiling.

"Yes, Jeon," he says with a fake sigh.

"Okay then," he simply replies before leaning over and kissing him on the lips. He can taste his charming smile as Jungkook's thumb rubs circles over his cheekbone.

"I love you, too," Taehyung whispers close to his lips, eyes shut. It feels like jumping off a helicopter without a parachute on, but god, he lives for the rush, the adrenaline that runs through his veins. And he lives for the way Jungkook beams at him when he hears the words and kisses every part of his face as if trying to seal his lips to each corner, each patch of soft skin. Taehyung is laughing halfway through it. "You're ridiculous," he says but kisses him back anyway.

Chapter Fifteen: The Ice Castle

"This is a good idea, right?" Taehyung asks as he scans his reflection in the mirror. He is fixing his tie for the twelfth time in the last five minutes, but he can't quite help himself. He sees Jungkook send him a reassuring smile as he types something on his phone, his demeanor calm.

"He's not going to be there, he's out of town. Mom wouldn't lie about that. She leaves whenever he's in the house," he shrugs, putting his phone away and moving towards Tae to help him with the tie.

"Why not just move then?" he asks with a frown as his boyfriend's fingers move with ease on his collar. He can smell a new cologne in him and he loves it. It's different, a bit more aggressive but lighter at the same time, it's just as intoxicating as the one he would steal from him, though.

"One of the many unanswered questions of my family," he sighs as he finishes fixing Taehyung's tie. He doesn't move away though, and Taehyung is about to kiss him when he adds, "Oh, don't ask them."

He snorts.

"Wasn't planning to...at least Namjoon will be there, right?"

"Yeah, he will," he replies, looking down. "Mom doesn't treat him that well, though. That's why I told him not to go but he insisted. Said family should be together or some shit. My mom isn't a bad woman but well...she makes mistakes. Hating Namjoon because it reminds her of dad cheating on her is one of them," he finishes. Regardless of the words leaving his lips easily because he trusts Taehyung, he still has a hard time putting his thoughts out and exposing part of his privacy to anyone else. He's never done this, but he knows he wants to do everything with Taehyung, show him everything he has.

"Although very common."

"I guess."

"And yet Namjoon says she's family?" he questions with a slight frown of confusion. It doesn't seem fair to him to allow Jungkook's mother to treat him badly while he treats her like a mom or...well, at least part of the family.

Jungkook gives him a sad smile. "He's just doing it for me."

Taehyung's heart warms up. Despite Jungkook's awful parents he's lucky to have Namjoon there to protect and love him as he deserves. He's grateful he's there, grateful his friend Jin found him, too. And so he says, "He's a great brother."

"He is. I give him a hard time..." Jungkook replies, voice low though he's so close to him that he hears him clearly.

"Hey, don't say that." Taehyung holds his chin back up to meet his eyes. He sees guilt and pain in his boyfriend's gaze and it hurts him . Jungkook shakes his head, holding the hand that was touching his chin to intertwine their fingers and smile.

"It's true. But it's okay, I'll make up for it. I will," he nods, voice determined. Taehyung nods back at him. He's sure he will, even if he doesn't need to.

The older leans his forehead against his, not wishing to bring the subject up now that they're about to leave but unable to do anything but. The thoughts have been running through his mind for too long now. Jungkook is quiet as their hands hang between their bodies, and so Taehyung takes the chance to open his mouth. "Have you been thinking about what I told you? What we talked about?"

He hears Jungkook's intake of breath, sees him close his eyes or maybe they were already closed, he isn't sure. He sounds exhausted as he says, "Tae, you know I can't do that. I can't give everything up for a pipe dream."

Taehyung's eyes harden automatically. "It's not a pipe dream, Kooks," he almost growls. He's sick of hearing Jungkook bring himself and his work down. It's his passion, his will to live fully, his moon and stars and that thing he does because it helps him breathe better. He can't just give that up because he's scared of not being good enough. He won't let him.

"It is," he insists stubbornly. "I love that you like my poetry but---"

"It's not just that. This isn't me being biased by my boyfriend, I swear," he replies as he lets go of his hand, stepping away from him to look him in the eye. Jungkook still looks as if he didn't believe him. He stands there, stance tired, and all Taehyung wants to do is either kiss him or kick him. But then the younger's eyes soften as a thought crosses his mind and he reaches an almost shy hand up to caress his boyfriend's hair.

"They were for you, you know that, right?"

Taehyung's eyebrows furrow, but he still lets him pet his hair because it feels nice. "What do you mean?"

Jungkook looks nervous as he tangles his fingers in the other's hair and bites the inside of his cheek. A few centuries of silence go by, but Taehyung just watches them pass because even though he's slightly impatient, he knows Jungkook sometimes needs a bit of time to let some words out and he'd wait forever for him if he had to.

"The poems you found..." he begins eventually, "You thought they were for Yugyeom but--"

Taehyung shakes his head in disbelief, eyes wide. "You're kidding."

Jungkook chuckles and tugs at his hair, playful.

"Why would I kid about that?"

Taehyung groans, burying his face in his hands and practically screaming into them like a teenager. "You can't be any more perfect and sweet, stop."

Jungkook smiles, wrapping his hands around Taehyung's waist, bringing him closer to him and squeezing his sides. "I love you," he murmurs into his hair.

Taehyung feels something warm and beautiful fill him inside as he nuzzles Jungkook's neck and laughs. "I love you, too."

Jungkook's parents house is a mansion. The kind you only see in movies when they introduce the crazy rich, freaking posh family. Taehyung instantly feels uncomfortable in his white shirt and black pants. Maybe he pushed it with the make up. He hardly ever wears eyeliner and a soft shade of pink lipstick but he decided that if Jungkook's mom was against gay people, he would have a bit of fun torturing her. Well, Jungkook did say she didn't mind but you never know. Fuck it, he wanted to look nice.

Still, the moment his boyfriend parks his car and they get off, Taehyung's hands start shaking. The house is too much; the huge and beautiful garden, full of colorful flowers blossoming in the middle of Winter, like a magical paradise. Despite the cold, he wishes to stay there smelling their sweet essence instead of walking inside.

"Ready?" Jungkook asks him, hand stretched towards him.

Taehyung takes it and squeezes tenderly with a nod, though he doesn't feel ready at all.

The door is a dark brown and so bright that it gives the impression of having been varnished not too long ago. Jungkook rings the doorbell, a small black buzzer that Taehyung didn't even see at first glance. Is it even necessary when they already announced themselves in the entrance, for the security man to open the gate? Oh, of course they have guards and a gate, of course.

Taehyung half expects a maid to open the door but is surprised to find a beautiful lady in her forties smiling back at them with the most dazzling smile he's ever seen. She's gorgeous and Tae quickly realizes Jungkook is the spitting image of this woman; black velvety hair that stretches behind her back and caresses her slim waist, pale skin, red full lips, soft eyes, the longest eyelashes, expressive eyebrows. She looks like a queen in her long blue dress that shines whenever she moves.

"Oh, honey you look exquisite," she smiles at his boyfriend, her hand with perfectly painted pink nails reaches out to squeeze his arm and Taehyung sees Jungkook smile back at his mother and god, it's a beautiful sight. Then she turns towards him, her eyes intense as she says, "And you, you must be Kim Taehyung!"

"Yes, I am. It's an honor to meet you, Mrs. Jeon," he replies before realizing his mistake. Fuck, he's just so nervous and Jungkook didn't mention her name but seriously, Mrs. Jeon? The lady widens her eyes slightly and he sees a bitter purse in her lips as she shakes her head, soft strands of dark hair falling on her face, the contrast with her skin is a beautiful mess.

"Please, call me Seohyun," she kindly says when Taehyung thought he was going to be sent off to hell. He sighs in relief, hears Jungkook's light chuckle and refrains from hitting him.

"Of course, I apologize," he answers with a quick bow of his head.

"Common mistake, no worries, love. Come in!" she steps away from the door then, allowing them to walk inside. The first thing Taehyung sees is the chimney. The second is the high ceilings, and then his eyes wander around the living room in awe. "Jungkook, may I have a quick word with you?" he hears Seohyun say from behind him and instantly worries as he pretends to be scanning the oil paintings of what seems to be Jeon's ancestors. The sofa looks plush and soft and it's the color of caramel, with pillows perfectly set on top of it in different pastel colors that match.

Taehyung turns slightly around then, eyes instantly going to Jungkook who is frowning at his mother. She has a hand on his arm again, comforting, but then she opens her mouth to say something else in a low voice and Jungkook shakes her hand off of him.

"You seriously expect me to allow---" he hears his boyfriend hiss, eyebrows raised so far up in his forehead that they disappear behind his fringe. Fuck, are they talking about him? Did he already ruin this? Does his mother hate him?

Taehyung hates seeing the angerness in Jungkook's eyes, the unconcealable irritation there. He hates when he gets like this, stressed and mad and... shit, this was supposed to only be stressing for him. He looks down at the floor, isn't surprised to find it's so shiny he can see his own reflection in the wooden tiles. He looks shaken up, great.

"I'll go check if dinner is ready, excuse me," Seohyun says then catching Taehyung's attention. He nods as she walks towards a double door at his left, her dress sparkling against the lights hanging from the ceiling.

"Everything alright?" he asks walking towards his boyfriend who is still frowning at the spot his mother was recently in. His eyes instantly soften when they fall on Taehyung, though.

"Not really...I'm sorry, this was supposed to be a good night."

"What do you mean? What happened?" he asks, instinctively reaching out to caress Jungkook's cheek with his thumb. He visibly relaxes under his touch, but he's still looking at him with undeniable anger.

"Dad is coming," he replies and well, yeah, that explains it.

"Oh..."

"Yeah, oh," he grunts.

"It's okay," Taehyung says because he doesn't know what else to say. And also, he hates seeing him like this so much...if only he could do something to erase the tension around his eyes and mouth.

"It's not. We should leave," Jungkook says and Taehyung's hand falls from the other's face, confused.

"What?"

"Come on, you already met him, you know how he is. I don't want him to hurt you," his boyfriend explains, but Taehyung is far from understanding.

"He won't hurt me," he almost huffs. Yes, his father may be creepy and rude but there's no way he can actually hurt him.

Jungkook regards him with a look that makes him feel small. He shakes his head, flicks his eyes over the older with almost bored eyes."He will, believe me. It's what he does."

"We can't just leave, your mother seems nice," he shrugs, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the enormous cold house. The chimney may be lit but he's freezing and really, how does Seohyun handle it wearing just a dress?

"Yeah and she can be but...you don't get it," he sighs, running a hand through his hair. He looks nervous and that's the last thing Tae wanted, to upset him any further, to make him feel like he even has to explain his family to him. Jungkook obviously knows what he's talking about, they raised him for fuck's sakes. And so the older nods, grabbing his hand in an attempt to calm him down. It helps. Jungkook can always breathe a little better whenever he's touching Taehyung.

"Look, okay, we can leave if you want. It obviously upsets you and I don't want to---" he begins, hand squeezing his softly but it seems to be the wrong thing to say because Jungkook is quickly shaking his head again, eyes scarily wide.

"This has nothing to do with me. I can handle my dad," he replies but Taehyung is so far from buying those words. He sounds fake and even a bit scared and god, they shouldn't have come, why did he even think this would be a good idea? They've only been dating for a few weeks, most people don't meet their boyfriend's parents until they date for at least three months. But then again, have they really just been dating for a couple weeks? It feels like they've been together for way longer, and in a way, they have. The only thing that changed is that now he can call him his boyfriend and be clingy and sweet without hiding it. It'd only made sense to have this meeting and Jungkook's mom kept insisting on meeting him and well....

Still, bad idea. Bad, bad idea.

"Okay..." he says, unconvinced.

"I'm serious," he insists, noticing Taehyung's reluctance. "I'm used to it. Besides, Namjoon is coming so, you know what? Let's stay."

"Are you sure? We don't have to. Maybe your mother can---" he begins, thinking of anything to say to make Jungkook don't feel bad about leaving. He already screwed up by showing his disbelief at the idea of his boyfriend handling his own father; but how could that possibly be true when he almost had a breakdown when Tae met him in the first place, scared of what he could've possibly told him? And he stays in that company just for his father's sake, resigning to his dreams and---

"No, it's fine. If you're okay with it, so am I," Jungkook shrugs then, careless, as if they were discussing whether to get ice cream or not.

"You don't sound like you're okay with it, though," he tries once again, but Jungkook cuts him with a glare, taking his hand away from his. Taehyung can't hide the slight pang to his chest at the action.

"Well, I am."

He's acting like a petulant child but Taehyung sighs, letting him have his way and hoping for the night not to be as disastrous as it could be. He's about to say something else, crack a bad joke about the thick rug under their feet and how it reminds him of his grandma when she's trying to act posh, anything to make Jungkook at least smile because he hates how upset he looks, but then Seohyun is walking back inside the living room as if she'd been waiting for them to finish talking to return. Taehyung wonders if she heard their entire conversation and shudders.

"Dinner will be ready soon, shall we head to the dining room?" she suggests with an easy, almost comercial smile plastered on her face and Taehyung can do nothing but nod in agreement, sending Jungkook a tentative glance but receiving nothing in return.

It's going to be a long night.

The dining room is absurd. Well, actually, Taehyung comes to the deafening conclusion that everything about mansions is absurd; the enormity of things, the exuberance and pretentiousness clinging to every hallway and painting and clean surface. Only two people live in this house...well, that's a lie, actually two people plus the maids and cooks and gardeners so maybe it's as big as it should be. Maybe Taehyung is just bitter because his apartment currently holds four people and is the size of the Jeon's living room.

They're now sitting down on a rectangular table that reminds Taehyung of a Game of Thrones episode. There are too many dishes and glasses and forks and knives and chopsticks, even spoons. It makes him wonder if the Jeon's are hosting a party he didn't know about. Seohyun is sitting at the head of the table like a queen and she's staring at him with unreadable eyes. Jungkook is silent at his side, eyes lost in the empty plate in front of him.

"You really are gorgeous, Taehyung. Jungkook did always find pretty people to join him, though he's never brought anyone home before," she adds as an afterthought, though Taehyung doubts there's anything that comes out of her mouth that is unplanned. She doesn't seem to be the kind of person to talk without thinking first.

"Thank you," he says with a slight blush covering his cheeks. Seohyun smiles and opens her mouth to say something else when a maid wearing a black uniform with a white apron on top appears on the hallway.

"Mr. Kim has arrived, ma'am," she announces with a slight bow and Jungkook's mother nods in reply, her smile dissolving into a tight purse of her lips.

Mr. Kim. Taehyung grins when he sees Namjoon and Seokjin walk inside the dining room. He can't say he's anything but proud of his friend who looks absolutely flawless wearing a cashmere shirt and grey pants. His hair is styled nicely too, bright and soft looking. He sees Seohyun stare at him in awe. The Jin effect.

"Good evening, everyone," Namjoon says with a polite smile, bowing. He then turns towards his stepmother, his smile unwavering as he continues, "Seohyun, may I introduce you to my boyfriend, Kim Seokjin," he holds him by the arm and Taehyung can see the slight nervous twitch in his friend's eyes as he bows as well. "Jin, this is my stepmother, Choi Seohyun."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," Seokjin half smiles, all kind eyes and good manners. Seohyun seems impressed as she nods in return and tells them to please sit down.

Jin sits next to Taehyung and smiles at him as he murmurs, "What a house, huh?"

"Don't even mention it," whispers Taehyung back.

It's not even five minutes later that the maid returns to announce the arrival of Mr. Jeon. Taehyung sees Jungkook bite on his lip and sighs, reaching out to his right to hold his hand in his, and despite how annoyed he may be with him right now, Jungkook intertwines their fingers and sends him a grateful smile.

Mr. Jeon looks just the way he did when Taehyung first met him as he walks inside the room, demanding attention. His eyes hold the same blind vanity as he calmly saunters over the table. His lips seem to twitch into that awful smirk of his when they fall on Taehyung. He looks right back at him, shoulders tense, stare unwavering.

But it's not Mr. Jeon who takes his breath away, is the two people that walk right behind him.

"Mom? Dad?" he asks raising from his seat, confusion laced deep into his voice. He can hear Jungkook sighing at his side. He doesn't seem that surprised by the turn of events, but almost resigned.

"Honey, hey!" his mother smiles at him as she rushes to his side, hugging him tightly to her chest. He hasn't seen her in at least two months...and now she's here? With Mr. Jeon? In his boyfriend's house? What the fuck?

"What---what are you two doing here?" he questions as his mom finally breaks the hug. He can see Jungkook's mother staring at them in bafflement, probably thinking his parents are as bad mannered as they come considering they didn't bow to her. And the clothes they're wearing are nothing compared to Mr. Jeon's immaculate suit and Mrs. Jeon dreamlike dress. They're foreigners here.

"Mr. Jeon invited us over. I thought you knew?" his father says, eyebrows raised in slight wonder. He hasn't seen his father in even longer, probably five months by now. He's always busy working on cases on his small firm and it's entirely strange that he is here, that he'd ever be here at all. He thought he wouldn't see them until Christmas came around.

"But...how did you even get here?" he asks in a lower tone, hoping the others can't hear as Namjoon thankfully says something to Mr. Jeon, probably introducing the wonderful Seokjin to him, too.

His parents live far from here, in the outskirts of the city. His father doesn't even own a car, neither of them know how to drive and hate public transport, hence the uncanniness of them being here now, in the flesh.

"Mr. Jeon was so kind he fetched us a nice car!" his father says with a proud grin, probably having felt better with himself being hauled out of his house and into a limousine of some sort, to visit this monster of a mansion and being served the best dinner he'll ever have.

"We didn't even know you had a boyfriend, silly," his mother adds, punching him teasingly in the shoulder. It hurts. His mom has always been too strong for her petite frame and she has the bothersome tendency of hitting both he and his father in a 'joking' manner. "And that he was your boss's son at that!" she adds, eyes wide behind her glasses, though there's no judgement in them.

"You didn't tell them?" he hears Jungkook ask and fuck, he'd forgotten he was sitting right there and probably listening to everything they said.

"I was just---" he begins but Seohyun saves his ass and says then,

"Please, do sit down. Dinner will be served any minute now."

And because is Seohyun who says it, they all follow her orders and Taehyung's parents forget everything about introductions. He sighs as he sits back down.

Jungkook doesn't hold his hand when he reaches out this time.

Seriously, fuck.

It's when they take the first bite of unmarinated hanwoo short ribs that Mr. Jeon opens his mouth and says, "Taehyung," all eyes go instantly to him. He feels as if he were choking even though the man hasn't said anything yet. "I've been perusing your resume these past few days and I was aghast to find no letter recommendations that could potentially explain your acceptance in the company."

Taehyung swallows despite the knot in his throat. The man is staring at him, expectantly. He's sitting right in front of him, too. No escape. Everyone's eyes are still on his and he's surprised his parents aren't rushing to his aid (his dad with a dumb joke perhaps, his mother with a comment about the high quality of the food) but quietly watching instead. Not that he'd want them to, considering the circumstances. They're probably too intimidated to talk. The Mr. Jeon effect.

"With all due respect, sir, I was accepted because of my skills and capacity. I've been working in Bangtan for over two years, I don't know what could bring you to question my position now," he replies and he's quite content with his own answer if he's being honest. He hopes Jungkook thinks that, too, but he can't risk a glance at him now, not when Mr. Jeon is still looking at him.

"Well, you are my son's...boyfriend, aren't you?" he says the word as if it burns his mouth and it probably does.Taehyung hopes it does, he hopes the word burns a hole into his brain and prevents him from sleeping at night. Hopes it aches against his tongue, a constant reminder of what he thinks is the result of a mistake of his own when it's actually, just life.

"I am," he can't hide the pride in his voice (nor he tries).

"If anything you must be smart enough to know why I'd be concerned over whether you are good enough for him or not," he continues before placing a huge piece of meat on his mouth, chewing almost obnoxiously and yet, with grace. Taehyung can't possibly think of eating now, not when his stomach is in a painful twist.

He does risk a glance at Jungkook then, sees him staring at his father with hard eyes, an expression akin to a glare. He sees him open his mouth to say something, his pretty pink lips parting to probably say something he'll regret. He wants Jungkook to handle his father, he wants him to send him to hell and beyond but not like this, not to defend Taehyung when he can defend himself. And so he beats him to it.

"I am good enough for him. I understand the concern but is his decision to---"

"This meat is delicious," Namjoon pipes in then, taking the role Taehyung's mother would normally take. Murmurs of agreement are heard through the table. The tension is thick, the air awkward.

Jungkook sends him a glance that could only translate into a silent apology. His eyes are so sad that Taehyung wishes he could sit on his lap and kiss his lips, whisper an 'it's okay' against his mouth because if someone has to apologize for anything, is him.

Seohyun smiles and the gesture catches Taehyung's eye. Despite not having talked yet, he sees his parents look at her, too. Her smile is open and inviting as she spreads her arms over the sides of the table and says, "Can we please not discuss business in the table? I'm excited to learn more about you,Taehyung. Jungkook seems absolutely infatuated with you."

"I'm not infa---" Jungkook begins, tone slightly defensive as he blushes like a child, but Taehyung's mother interrupts him.

"Oh I want to know more about you, too, Jungkook! I wish we'd known earlier that Taetae here had a boyfriend," she exclaims with sad eyes. Guilt eats away at Taehyung's heart but he ignores it. He barely sees his parents as it is, they live far and their phone calls are rare and really, he didn't think it was that necessary for them to find out considering they haven't even been dating for that long and he isn't close to his parents and---okay, maybe he should've told them. He is formally meeting Jungkook's parents after all.

"I'm sure he just forgot to mention it, his head lives in the clouds," Jin comments coming at his rescue with a chuckle after taking a sip of his wine.

"In the clouds?" Mr. Jeon asks, stern expression as he stares at Taehyung. He bites at his meat in silence, unsure of what he could say to that.

"It means he has imagination and things to think about, you know? Creative minds are the best kind, Taehyung," Seohyun replies to her ex-husband with bitter eyes that soften when she looks at the younger.

Why is she so kind to him?

"There are much more important matters than those such as imagination, " the man replies, spitting the word as if it were poison in his mouth, "Creativity is a word created by hippies who do nothing but lay in the grass and smoke weed, thinking up ideas of revolution and delusions of freedom which they have no idea of---"

"Imagination is a virtue," Taehyung cuts him off and considering the looks he gets from everyone around him except for his friend and his parents, he thinks that interrupting people seems to be a very ugly thing to do here. But he couldn't possibly allow that man to keep spitting bullshit in the table. And for the looks of it, no one will open their mouth except from him. Jungkook isn't even looking their way.

"A virtue? Is that the things poor people teach their sons nowadays?" he asks sending a questioning glance towards Taehyung's parents who seem to be shocked into silence. Not that they were talking that much before, anyway.

Taehyung tastes bile."We are not poor and even if we were that doesn't mean anything about---"

"Wook, seriously. This is no way to treat our guests," Jungkook's mother says, turning towards the younger with something akin to embarrassment dancing in her eyes. Taehyung notices she hasn't even tried her food yet. "I apologize in his behalf."

"No need, Seohyun," Mr. Jeon replies sending her a glance that conveys as much hatred as possible (Taehyung wonders how someone can hate another person after having had a child together, after falling in love and getting married and whispering promises in front of their loved ones. He wants to know how things got so wrong with them and not make the same mistakes with Jungkook. He never wants to look at him like that, ever .) before turning back towards Taehyung's parents,"I didn't mean any harm by my words, Mr. and Mrs. Kim. I was simply stating the truth."

Taehyung is holding the porcelain chopsticks so tightly in his hands that he thinks they may snap any second now. He steals a glance towards his boyfriend who is currently whispering something back at his mother, though it sounds more like a hiss than anything else. He sees Seohyun sigh before she raises her glass to her pink lips, shaking her head at her son. He would ask Jungkook what that was all about if he weren't trying to conceal his anger and not yell at his boyfriend's dad and also, kinda, his boss.

Jungkook was right after all. They should've left.

There's a sinking silence in the room and Taehyung looks at his parents, at how wrong they look in the Jeon's dining room; he looks at his mom's confused lips as they twitch downwards into what people would call a pout, her eyes as they stare past the expensive cutlery and find his own. She sends him a look that says 'who are this people? Why didn't you tell us? What is going on? Why isn't your boyfriend doing anything to stop this?'. Or maybe she's just worried about him not having tasted his rice yet, who knows really.

He then turns his attention to his dad. He was never a fighter, actually he's quite the opposite of Mr. Jeon but maybe that's a good thing. Yes, that may mean he's a coward that can't defend himself but at least he isn't ruthless for no reason at all except for torturing the people around him. Taehyung's heart aches at the idea of a young Jungkook having to suffer with his father's harsh words and cold stares. His mother may look like a saint at his side but she hurt Jungkook, too. That much he knows.

Namjoon is the one who opens his kind mouth next, sacrificing himself and breaking the awkward silence with a, "Father, I forgot to mention Jin here has traveled to Japan several times and thinks---"

"Can't he talk for himself?" Seohyun asks, eyebrow raised challengingly towards Namjoon. And there it is, the sweet mask of honey-dripping voice and kind gestures slipping off her face and revealing a woman just as ruthless as her husband.

My mom isn't a bad woman but well...she makes mistakes. Hating Namjoon because it reminds her of dad cheating on her is one of them.

"I can," Jin states after wiping his mouth off with a napkin. His eyes are calm and honest despite the tension in the room. "I think what Joonie was going to say was that---"

"Joonie? How sweet, isn't that how your mother used to call you, Namjoon?" Seohyun asks then, and with the smile that breaks through her face anyone would think she was just complimenting Jin's outfit.

Namjoon's mom, the woman his father cheated Seohyun with. The woman who died years ago and broke her son's poor heart.

Awkward silence strikes again, but this time is heavy with sadness. Taehyung's parents look at each other in confusion.

"Oh, Seohyun is that way to treat your guests?" Mr. Jeon grins wickedly towards her and Taehyung is surprised because he hadn't seen that expression on his face yet and it's both creepy and fascinating at the same time, the way his face transforms into different expressions varying on his mood or rather, the reaction he chooses to display because everything is deliberate, nothing is random with him.

"I was simply asking a question," Seohyun shrugs, and the common, almost ordinary gesture turns graceful in her body.

"Yes, my mother used to call me Joonie. I still love the nickname so I like it when Jin calls me that," Namjoon replies, voice passive. Seohyun raises an eyebrow in return but says nothing else. Taehyung inwardly sighs as they all resume their eating.

But of course, the calm doesn't last long in this table.

"Um so, Jungkook, your father told me you work in his company? Are you going to be taking charge soon?" Taehyung's father asks and even though his intentions are good, he has the urge to shake his head at him, tell him to please shut up and finish his meal. Eat your expensive lettuce, look at mom, whisper amongst each other, do not talk out loud.

But it isn't Jungkook who replies. It's his father.

"Oh no, that would be my son Namjoon. Our dear Jungkook doesn't have much of an interest for Bangtan, you see," he explains and normally it would seem like a caring dad explaining to their son's father-in-law how the young man doesn't want to follow his steps but it's okay because he has a choice and that's wonderful. But with Mr. Jeon, even those words sound different coming through his mouth. It's in the way he says it, so entirely condescending that it makes Taehyung's blood boil. As if Jungkook was dumb for not wanting to take over the company. As if having free will was a mistake. As if, as if, as if.

Taehyung remembers thinking for a moment that Mr. Jeon would shoot him back when they were in his pompous office. Back then he hadn't understood why that idea had even crossed his mind...now he thinks he does. You don't need to be a murderer to kill dreams, and yet, what are you if not that?

And so taking a deep breath, he turns towards the only person he can think of in that table and blurts out, "Jungkook writes, mom."

His mother seems thoroughly confused to be talked to. She startles, almost dropping her chopsticks to the floor. "What?"

"He writes. And it's beautiful. And I--I think it's way better than taking over the company. No offense, Namjoon," he adds though he can see him smiling at his words.

"None taken," he replies with a shrug. Jin smiles at him, too, almost encouraging.

"That's great, Jungkook! What do you write a---" his mother begins asking, seemingly excited to talk to his son's boyfriend directly for a change. Even Taehyung's dad seems interested enough, and he was never a fan of literature. Though, of course, Mr. Jeon interrupts her because he may not appreciate people interrupting him but god knows he can do whatever he wants. Or so he thinks. So he's lived thinking because no one ever told him otherwise, too scared, too intimidated, too weak. Maybe that's why they got divorced, Taehyung thinks. Maybe it wasn't just the cheating, after all she did it, too and divorces are frown upon between people who belong into a higher social class. Maybe Seohyun told him otherwise once. Maybe Mr. Jeon didn't like it.

And yet, they still live together. Isn't that frown upon, too? Or is money and wealth worth the sacrifice?

"He writes?" the man repeats his own words, eyes wide in disbelief and loathing. His shirt wrinkles when he leans over the table, his greyish hair shining under the yellowish lights as he asks, "You think he can make a living out of that?"

Taehyung looks at him; he really looks at him and wonders how can he feel intimidated by someone so void of compassion. He doesn't even deserve his respect.

He huffs. "He can try."

A fat vein throbs in Mr. Jeon's neck. Taehyung doesn't hide the slight pride that clings to his lips at the idea of getting under his skin, of pushing him to the limit, of seeing him see red and get mad, of breaking his fake calmness. How does it feel?, he wants to ask. How does it feel to be told something you don't want to hear? To know your son loves me and fucks me and hates your company?

The man shakes his head, letting out a breathy chuckle that is probably meant to make him look at ease with the situation, but Taehyung sees right through it. He feels the fuel inside him burn brighter, fill his stomach, its way to his heart and up his throat. The words blister when they touch the tip of his tongue.

"That's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard," Jungkook's father says then. Taehyung sees Seohyun say something to his mother out of the corner of his eye.

"More than doing something he hates for the rest of his life?" he asks challengingly, eyebrows raising on his forehead in defiance. Mr. Jeon stares back at him with narrowed eyes, probably planning ways to kill him or at the very least make him disappear from his life.

"Taehyung, don't. Just---it's fine," Jungkook says then, breaking the staring contest between the other two as Taehyung turns to see him shaking his head at him, dark urgent eyes saying 'thank you, I love you, but just don't.' Taehyung looks back at him with a warm gaze that replies 'I love you, too. I have to.'

"It's not fine," he continues once his eyes travel back to the man sitting in front of him. Their food is now long forgotten, probably cold in their expensive plates. "He loves writing and he does it with passion and god, isn't that the most important thing?"

Mr. Jeon sends him another look of disgust from over the rim of his glass. He seems to compose himself then, lips curling into a knowing smirk. He sets his glass back down and Seohyun uses the silence to open her mouth but she's cut off by her ex-husband. "You naive kids think about these ideas of 'passion' and 'happiness' as if they were unconceivable values," a pause, a click of his tongue. Taehyung sees Namjoon texting hurriedly and wonders if he's texting his brother. "You can't live your life basing your decisions on your insouciant spirit. You need to grow up."

Taehyung almost spits in his face at that. The words touch a nerve, or maybe he's just had enough. "I need to grow up ?!"

"Taehyung, dear, please," his mother says, eyes widening in alarm as she looks between them. His father gulps, whispering something in her ear, probably telling her to not get in between them, probably acting like the coward he is and always been. His mother sighs with a small nod, eyes lowering to her lap. They shouldn't have come.

Taehyung continues talking though, unfazed. He can't stop now that he has Mr. Jeon's vein throbbing again. "And even if he doesn't succeed, does that mean he has to resign himself to doing something he hates for the rest of his life?" he asks, the question half rhetorical half not. The answer is obvious enough for him but probably not for his father-in-law.

"Taehyung, stop ," Jungkook is the one who talks then, word murmured through gritted teeth in what could only be taken as barely concealed anger but the way his hand squeezes his arm comfortingly screams tenderness and love. He wishes he could listen to him but then again he wishes he couldn't, too. He doesn't look back at him, full knowing it could make the words melt like lava inside his mouth. He's always been weak for his pleading eyes, after all.

No one else interrupts anymore, all eyes on the two of them.

"I think everyone is entitled to do whatever they want if it makes them happy and doesn't harm anyone," Taehyung says and feels like a dumb child with hopeful dreams, a child with pink lentils which only allow him to see roses falling from the ceilings and blooming out of his fingertips but he knows he's right, knows Jungkook needs to hear this, knows everyone needs to hear this. Mr. Jeon, too, because he may laugh in his face but maybe no one ever told him this, maybe no one even tried, or maybe his own father was a Mr. Jeon as well; a dream killer.

But the vein throbs darker, pulses against the skin of his neck. Taehyung sees his parents swallow, slight panic in his eyes. Seohyun looks calm despite the discussion going on in the table, her eyes are almost bored as she crosses her arms over her chest. Jungkook stares at Taehyung; he sees a man defending him, and he loves him, he does, and he wants to scream and yell and kick, maybe throw a tantrum or two because this wasn't supposed to happen and he knows how to handle his father he swears he does but what can he do, what can he say? It's pointless. He's been here before, so many times he can hardly remember the amount. Years of being a teenager and trying to rebel against his parents and failing, always failing miserably. Years of his mother scrubbing the words he scribbled down his arms with soap. Years of his father throwing his journals to the trash because they distracted him from school (they didn't, they made it bearable).

But Taehyung hasn't been there, ever. He's been raised by accepting parents that may live far but support him. And it only makes sense he's doing this for him.

"It harms the company. I won't allow a person with such bizarre ideals to remain in my company for any longer!" Mr. Jeon yells, raising from the table, hands balled into fists against the tablecloth. Namjoon raises too, shaking his head and frowning. Taehyung sees Seokjin's eyes staring at his boyfriend with worry, hands slightly shaking in his lap.

"Father, you can't decide that," he says, but it only works to make the older man turn towards him, his breathing agitated as his chest rises and falls rapidly.

"Like hell---" he begins, but Namjoon seems to have had enough as well. His eyes scream determination. He looks like the boss, the leader he is when he opens his mouth and stands his ground.

"I make those decisions now and Taehyung hasn't done anything to make me fire him."

"It's still my company. I will fire him if I want to," he replies, squinting at him and throwing daggers, threats and insults his way with just one stare.

"No one is firing anyone, Wook," Seohyun says then, still sitting down, back relaxed against her chair. She turns towards the younger then,"Taehyung, honey, your words are nice but with Jungkook's potential he can't just quit and follow this crazy---"

And that seems to cut it.

"For fuck's sakes, I can talk for myself! I won't follow a pipe dream so don't worry, mother, " he says the word with venom, and it makes Taehyung wonder what the woman must've told him in hushed whispers through the dinner to make him stare at her like that, considering he was nice enough when they first walked into the house. "No need to be aggravated by this."

She shakes her head, reaching out to him with a pale hand that Jungkook rejects. "Sweetheart---"

His eyes find Mr. Jeon's and there are so many words in them that Taehyung can't help to be proud. This seems to have been the push he needed. Yes, he wants to say, tell him, tell him all you've been dying to. Send him to hell and beyond, love.

But instead of insulting him, he clears his throat and speaks, "And dad, I don't do anything for the company. If you should fire anyone, is me."

Mr. Jeon huffs. "I won't fire my own son."

"Because then the name would be ruined, huh?" Jungkook asks, eyes dark and knowing. He looks older, mature as he finally confronts his dad, puts him on his goddamn place. "Say you fired me due to whatever reason you want. It's fine. Ruin my name if you have to. God knows I don't care."

"Jungkook---" Seohyun tries again, voice breaking at the end. Taehyung looks at her to find her eyes shining. Do this people really care that much about their reputation? Is this what all of this is about? He feels sad for them all.

"I think we should go now," Jungkook says, ignoring his mother's eyes and his father's words; he's still talking nonsense, spitting insults all around like a madman. Breaking point.

He hates being told otherwise and now he's dearest son has done the job. Taehyung wants to clap but doesn't think it'd do any good.

"Us, too," Namjoon adds, taking his boyfriend's hand. Seokjin looks relieved as he stands up.

"Um, same," Taehyung's mother says, already at the threshold with his father.

"This won't end like this, Jungkook. You're insane if you think I'll let my son quit to follow some dumb boyfriend of his who is just a---" Mr. Jeon continues, eyes crazy, lips wet with spit.

"I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want," Jungkook answers, turning around from the hallway they were going through to look at him. Taehyung stares at his profile and thinks he's saying all of this out of the rage of the moment; it'll pass, he'll probably regret it but it'll be fine. He'll be there for him and this will be done, for once and for all. Even if Jungkook really doesn't follow his dreams, he can't remain in that toxic place that only worked to pollute him. "Like I should've done years ago," he adds. "Don't ever talk to Taehyung like that again or you'll never hear of me," is the last he says as they exit the house.

"What a family..." he hears his own dad say under his breath as the maid gets the door for them.

Taehyung has never agreed more.

Chapter Sixteen: Bursting Circus

"I'm sorry we couldn't properly talk, Jungkook. We have to meet another day," Taehyung's mom says with a small, almost shy smile towards his boyfriend as the car waits to take them back to their home. Jungkook smiles politely back at her but Taehyung sees right through it.

"Of course, that'd be great," he replies and then shakes hands with Taehyung's dad and kisses his mother on the cheek. Taehyung watches as his dad gives Jungkook a satisfied little nod and his mom seems absolutely charmed by the younger, probably as impressed by both his looks and the way he gave his awful father a piece of his mind, at the same time. Namjoon and Jin stay out of their car after saying goodbye to Taehyung's parents as well, Seokjin sending him a sad smile the moment they walk towards them.

"Well...that was..." he says, hands clasped tightly with Namjoon's.

"Yeah," his boss says with a grimace before his eyes turn back to Jungkook. He squeezes his shoulder, gaze filled with worry. "Are you gonna be okay?" he asks in a low voice though the night is quiet and they're all close enough to hear. The younger nods his head, tells him not to worry about it and despite Namjoon nodding back, they all know he's going to worry anyway so Taehyung says,

"It's fine, I'll take care of him." He punctuates his words by leaning and brushing his lips over Jungkook's cheek softly, the gesture tender. The younger doesn't react but a small, almost relieved sigh leaves his lips. Namjoon looks grateful when he gets back inside his car with Jin, who promises to see him tomorrow at the apartment.

"Shall we?" Taehyung asks Jungkook once they're the only ones left in the garden. He just wants to leave this place and hopefully never come back. Jungkook nods, eyes wandering beyond him, and with that they leave.

The way back to Jungkook's apartment is silent. Taehyung glances at him out of the corner of his eye, wondering if he should say something, anything at all to make things better but what could he say? 'Hey your parents are jerks, no biggie'? Yeah, no. So he decides to remain in silence, too, though his heart aches to comfort him.

It doesn't take long before they park outside his building and make their way to the elevator. The silence is thick by then and Taehyung wonders if he should reach out and intertwine their fingers together, but again, he thinks Jungkook would do it if he wanted to and he probably just wants space right now. Oh, maybe he shouldn't have assumed Jungkook wanted him to stay the night after all. He bites his lip the moment the metal doors slide open and they walk through the familiar hallway back to Jungkook's penthouse. The younger slides his magnetic card in until the green light brightens up and the door unlocks, eyes lost as he opens it for them to walk in. Once inside, Taehyung swallows and thinks of the words he could say.

He should leave, maybe, right?

He watches as the younger sits down on the sofa and rests his head against the back, eyes closed. Taehyung realizes he's still standing by the door, an awkward mess. God, why is he so useless? Why can't he say anything that could make the other feel better?

"Um, I can leave if you---" he begins, hands playing with the hem of his shirt pathetically.

Jungkook opens his eyes at that, staring at him in shock, his pretty doe eyes wide and bright as he looks at him. "What?"

Taehyung clears his throat, feels an unscratchable itch in some spot around his throat. "I mean---if you want to be alone, I get that, I...can leave," he replies, struggling to meet the other's eyes.

His boyfriend shakes his head, extends a tentative hand towards him. "Stay," he says. He must see something in Taehyung's gaze though, some reluctance, because he adds in a softer voice, "Please?"

And that's all the older needed to hear.

"Of course," he rushes to his side, pathetically relieved to be needed despite how useless he still feels as he holds his hand in his and sits next to him, their sides pressing with a familiarity, an intimacy he's never really had with anyone...not like this. He feels the other's warmth against him and his insides melt slightly. "Are you okay?" he asks after a moment.

Something lonely and heartbreaking flickers through Jungkook's eyes at such a simple question, like an inkling of desperation that clings to his fixed stare on a point beyond Taehyung.

"I'm---I don't know," is all he replies. Taehyung's heart goes to the man at his side that looks so undeniably young at this moment, like a scared, weak little kid wearing a suit that seems wrong in his body. He feels the ache deep in his chest to protect him, embrace him, hold him against his chest and pepper his face with soft feathery kisses. He may just do that any second now.

"I'm sorry. You were right. We should've left and I---I'm really sorry you had to go through that," he struggles to keep his voice steady and firm and yet to encompass his unconditional love for him at the same time. It's difficult when he feels that itch of guilt in his throat wishing to be scratched, when there's that small voice in the back of his head telling him that he's not a good boyfriend and maybe, just maybe he's not cut out for the task at all. Maybe some people just really aren't relationship material, right? It could happen. Perhaps he just got caught out in all of his overflowing emotions and forgot that he's never had a boyfriend and god, the fear, the fear of fucking this beautiful thing they have when it has barely even started---

Jungkook's voice interrupts his awful trail of thought, the sound almost painful as he says, "It's fine, I'm used to it. I just hate that he...he hurt you and..."

"He didn't hurt me."

Jungkook says nothing at that, eyes unconvinced as he fixes his stare in front of him. Taehyung swallows before something bold catches him by the neck and whispers in his ears to stop being so useless and fucking do something, anything because god forbid Jungkook blames himself for any of this mess. And so he holds the younger's chin with shaking fingers that settle against his skin and turns his face to look at him straight in the eye. "Hey, I'm serious. He didn't hurt me. As long as you're okay, so am I."

Jungkook smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. Hell, it doesn't even make it to his cheekbones. It's a soft gesture, almost like he's doing it just for Taehyung's sake and he hates that.

"Why didn't you tell your parents about us?" he asks suddenly, smile long gone from his face.

Taehyung shrinks into the couch.

"We're not really close and they live far and---I kinda forgot---" he begins, voice wavering because he's scared Jungkook will misinterpret and think this has anything to do with him and god, god it would never. How could he not want to scream into the sun and beyond that Jeon Jungkook is his boyfriend when he's absolutely perfect for him?

Jungkook doesn't even look at him, though.

"You forgot?" he asks, disbelief in his voice.

"I'm sorry, I know it's a shitty excuse but it's the truth just...please don't think it has anything to do with you because it doesn't. I love you," he explains, hand touching his warm arm and relishing in the fact that some of the tension in Jungkook seems to leave his body at that. He relaxes as Taehyung runs his fingers over his arm, comfortingly.

He nods a few times, as if taking on his surroundings. "I---okay...yeah, okay. It's fine. I'm just being stupid." He shrugs but Taehyung's chest hurts with the silent scream of guilt. Forget the itch, it's a whole burning fire now.

"No, don't say that...you're not being stupid. I am. I'm sorry," he repeats though the words feel like sand in his tongue, utterly worthless, because that's what happens with words after your mouth is so familiar with them that it learns their shape and sound and taste; they lose their meaning. He's said 'sorry' around ten times in the last five minutes which isn't good at all.

Jungkook turns around at that, shakes his head with soft eyes as if sensing Taehyung's real distress. No one's ever looked at Kim Taehyung with such a gentleness flooding their irises. It feels like being caressed even though Jungkook is not touching him. "Stop saying that, Tae. Seriously, it's fine," he says and something in his expression makes the older think that he means it.

"Okay."

Silence sinks the room but it's not uncomfortable as Taehyung's fingers travel from his boyfriend's arm to his nape and play with his hair, tangling his fingertips with the soft locks of dark hair.

"I never treated my dad like that before," Jungkook suddenly blurts out, taking Taehyung aback. He takes a few seconds to reply, giving the younger time to add something but he doesn't.

"I know...but this is good. What you did---standing up for yourself, that's good. Most people don't even try, and seriously...you should be proud. I know I am." Taehyung curls his arm around Jungkook's shoulder, leaning into his chest, hearing his heartbeat like a constant song that calms his breathing. Jungkook sighs as he hugs Taehyung closer to him, relishing in the smell of his hair and the smooth edges of his body.

"Yeah I guess...I just never did that and I don't know why I did? But he was just being so mean to you and I just...I lost it," he confesses, opening up way easier than he has ever done because this is Taehyung and he trusts him with everything he has, even if maybe he shouldn't, not so fast, not now, not when life has taught him that trust is such a fragile thing, such a thin crystal that could break with the least careful touch. And yet, and yet, and yet...

"It's okay to lose it sometimes. You had to do it eventually. The way he treats you...I can't even imagine how growing up with that man must've been like for you."

"Don't pity me. It wasn't a walk through the park but soon enough I got Namjoon and yeah, I'm okay. I turned out okay, didn't I?" he asks, chuckling but it still sounds like a real question. Taehyung raises his head to stare at Jungkook until the younger lowers his eyes to his.

"You turned out more than okay," he whispers and Jungkook finds himself truly believing him. He leans over and kisses him softly, almost just a simple brush of lips if it weren't for the way Jungkook is holding him, tightly, clingy, with need.

"I'm kinda scared though," he murmurs against the older's lips, his voice wavering and cracking slightly at the end of the sentence. Taehyung bites the inside of his cheek. If only he could fix all of Jungkook's problems, if he could heal all of his wounds...

"Of what?" he asks, already knowing the answer but needing to hear it nonetheless.

"Him. What he'll do now. Keeping my mouth shut for so long was easier, it was smarter, too. Impulses are...reckless, stupid." His eyes wander all over the older's face, as if studying his eyes, the tiny mole there, his nose and the other mole there, his chin, his earlobes and eyelids and all the soft parts of his face. It makes him feel exposed and almost naked but he likes the way his gaze clings to him as if looking for something familiar while talking of someone that isn't.

"It was hurting you. He was. Please don't regret it. I won't let him hurt you anymore, okay?" Taehyung says, his face so close to Jungkook that he feels the need to keep whispering, as if talking too loudly will shatter the intimacy of the moment.

"I don't need you to save me, Tae." He rolls his eyes to lighten up the mood, but Taehyung knows he means it, even if the words sound dramatic in his tongue.

"I won't save you," he chuckles a bit, easing up. "I know you can take care of yourself. But let me help, yeah? You don't have to hold it all alone. Not anymore, you got me now," he replies before cracking a smile at him, dazzling in all its pure and natural glory. Jungkook stares back at him for a few seconds, smiling back before shaking his head, sniggering.

"I hope you really know how much I love you," he says, surprising Taehyung by the sudden confession even though they've said it a lot these past few weeks. He feels himself blush profusely anyway.

"I know," is all he answers before bringing him closer again and kissing the daylights out of him.

Life will always be shitty at times but at least they have one another now, and that, that's all that really matters.

"Double dates. What a relationshippy thing to do, huh?" Namjoon asks Jungkook with a chuckle as they walk shoulder to shoulder, Jin's and Taehyung's continuous laughter heard throughout the street, the sound inviting as it slams against the walls of the houses and apartments. The friends walk in front of them, Jin's arm loosely wrapped around Taehyung's neck as he drags him along. He is taller and his back is wider than his boyfriend's; together they make an adorable pair.

Jungkook glances at his brother and smiles with amusement. "Who would've thought, huh?"

Ever since they visited their father's house they've been brought closer. The fact that Namjoon stood up for both him and Taehyung didn't go unnoticed by Jungkook, and even though it's not the first time he's had him for support, it always helps to be reminded he isn't alone; that he has someone who completely understands what having Jeon Wook as a father feels like, someone besides his boyfriend who believes in him and will always be there no matter what. Namjoon was quick to call Jungkook the following evening, reassuring him when the younger started apologizing and telling him how yes, Taehyung may've said he'd done the right thing but he hadn't, had he? He'd fucked up, right? Because you can't just send that man to hell and not suffer the consequences, you just can't.

But Namjoon was, is and always will be the best brother he could ever ask for. He told him he would talk to his lawyer and make all the arrangements necessary for him to quit his job in the company as soon as possible. Jungkook refused at first, asked if he really thought it was a good idea all things considered, said he could endure a few more years, and also, what would the price to pay be? If it'd always been this easy, then he'd done it years ago. Even right now, he can still hear his brother's words through the phone, back from a week ago when he said, "You could always walk away, Kookie. He just intimidated you into thinking you couldn't."

Still, it's never easy to say goodbye to the only thing you've ever known even if that means his father's wrath and his unreachable expectations, even if it means working in an office without doing anything at all but be there.

"I wanted you two to get together, you know?" Namjoon is saying now, eyes a bit lost in Seokjin's profile as he turns to the side to give Taehyung a piggyback ride. "I could tell there was something else there besides sex."

The younger rolls his eyes at that, "Yeah right. You're one to talk. I've never seen you this happy before, hyung," he says with a grin, because it's so true and he can see the older's eyes shining with love as he stares at Taehyung's friend. "How did that even happen anyway? He talked you into sleeping with him back at the party?" he jokes, earning a glare from his brother.

"Don't be tacky," he mutters, cheeks growing a crimson red as he flushes. He buries his hands inside his coat's pockets and sighs, eyes to the street as they cross it. "We met at the party, yeah, and he was just so... charming . I don't believe in love at first sight but it was the closest thing to that, I think," he chuckles and Jungkook would usually mock his hyung for saying such sappy things but he remains quiet, studying the older's expression as he continues talking with a shy smile as if sharing a secret with himself. "After that we just started hanging out and---he just really helped me whenever I was stressed, you know? He was there when I needed him and I was there for him and I mean, he...he cooked for me. No one ever did that, it was just so...yeah," he laughs. "I fell for him soon. It was fast and predictable and just---great. Yeah, that," he snaps his fingers as if he's just found the perfect word to describe their relationship. "It was great. Still is."

Jungkook is a bit speechless when Namjoon is finished, wondering if there's really anything he can say at this point. He sounds passionate while talking about his boyfriend and suddenly it makes him feel like an idiot for not trying to get to know Seokjin better.

"Wow. I'm---wow. That's so...romantic and cliché and so you ," he smiles and Namjoon smiles back. It's soft and stupid and they both say a lot in that moment, in that shared acknowledgement that screams 'we're both in love with amazing people, how did we get here?'

Jungkook is suddenly reminded of back when they were both kids and he would visit Namjoon's house and they would overhear Mr. Jeon yelling at Namjoon's mother just like he yelled at Jungkook's. How the screaming would interrupt their board games and they'd stare at each other with innocent eyes that had seen more than they should. He's reminded of that quiet acknowledgement back then, a completely different one from now.

This one is a brush of breath air, light, hopeful and pure, opposite to the heavy, awful one that came from pain and not love.

"I didn't know we could get this," Jungkook sighs now as they resume their walking. Namjoon throws an arm around his shoulder, brotherly and comforting as he presses him to his side as if saying, 'I know'.

After a moment of silence though, the older adds with natural amusement, "And I didn't know you had the ability to smile at someone with such a whipped expression and yet..."

"Fuck off," Jungkook says, shoving the older's shoulder playfully, his words lacking of any bite at all as they laugh.

It's on their way back to the apartment for drinks that Namjoon walks next to Taehyung, telling him about when he first entered Bangtan and Jungkook finds himself walking next to Seokjin who hums a famous song under his breath.

"So," Jin turns towards him then, sudden and abrupt, startling the younger. "You're gonna quit your job, right? Tae said you wanted to write?"

Jungkook blushes, eyes casted downwards in embarrassment. "Taehyung says many things..."

Jin laughs, and Jungkook finds himself a bit charmed by the weird sound that comes out of his mouth. "That he does! But, really, I'm a big dream chaser myself."

The younger looks up at that, surprised as the words pique his curiosity. "Really? What do you do?"

The taller man grins revealing a set of straight, white teeth."I travel a lot."

"Oh."

"Yeah I know. Not a career exactly but I intend to do something, you know? I just have to figure out what first. Joonie will help me," he replies, and he sounds so confident that it makes Jungkook believe every word he says. "Let me tell you, kid, you have an amazing brother," he adds, sending him a dazzling and gorgeous smile that reminds him of a runway model. Jungkook nods in agreement. It's incredible how made for each other Jin and his brother seem to be.

"I know. And you have an amazing friend."

"We're all people in love," Jin laughs like it's the funniest joke ever, and Jungkook thinks that maybe it is, so he joins in. And also because Seokjin's laughter is contagious as fuck. He glances over his shoulder to find his boyfriend and his brother looking at them with soft smiles. He feels something warm before he turns back around and looks up at the older, clearing his throat before talking.

"I just wanna say thanks I guess...you really are great for Namjoon. I've never seen him this happy before," he says honestly, finally beginning to recognize some stores as they get closer to his apartment. He can't believe they didn't take the cars to the restaurant simply because Taehyung wanted to see the city lights and Jin thought the cold wind during a wintery night was romantic . He's freezing his ass off, how can that be romantic?

Jin stops at that, surprise coloring his face. "Really?"

"Didn't realize?" he asks, eyebrows raised in wonder because even if he knows Namjoon better, he also knows he isn't exactly hiding how happy he is lately.

Seokjin sighs a bit, but the sound is pleasant and breathy, as if coming more out of mental peace than nerves. "Well, you know how Joonie is...sometimes one can't tell what's going on in that crazy mind of his."

Jungkook chuckles at that.

"You'll have to take my word then."

When Jin glances at him, he thinks he sees the hint of giddiness in his eyes. White puffs of air leave his mouth when he opens it to reply, "I will," and he sounds like he really will. He curls his lip as if about to smile but still tries to contain his face to do so just yet. "You know, Taehyung has never been this happy before, either," he continues, faking seriousness, though his eyes betray him. "Coincidences?"

Jungkook grins, already liking Jin a whole lot more than he did before. "Maybe, yeah."

"You look happy," is the first thing Hoseok says when they meet for coffee the day after the double date. His friend looks incredibly carefree as well, as if a bit of weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

"I am," he smiles back, and the gesture is so natural in his face, his lips turning upwards almost out of their own accord, eyes crinkling at the corners...it makes him wonder when did it become so easy to be happy, so easy to allow himself this and actually enjoy it.

"I'm glad. It's about time you man up and take what you deserve," he replies, sipping into the coffee Jungkook already ordered for him, knowing how he likes it awfully sweet, with three sugars and whipped cream on top. Hoseok quickly sets the paper cup back down on the table as if needing to keep talking so badly that he couldn't be patient with his drink. He wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his sweater, making Jungkook frown in disgust. "You and Taehyung together..." he points at him, shakes his head in disbelief. "Seriously, I was counting the damn hours it would take you to get your head out of your damn ass."

"Harsh much?"

"You know what I mean, dude. It was sad, to see you like that. But I'm glad it worked out," he grins and the smile is so very Hoseok that Jungkook finds himself unable not to smile, too. It's good to talk to his cousin, good to have him close despite the office separating them now. As if reading his thoughts, he adds, "Also, I heard you're leaving the company? Please tell me it's not just a rumor."

"It's not. I'm actually going to hand in my official resignation letter today," Jungkook says solemnly. He tries to sound okay, at ease with the idea, not doubtful at all, but he can't quite help the fact that Hoseok knows him too well for his own sake. His cousin regards him with a worried glance, lips pursing as his thumbs play with the edge of the plastic lid.

"You won't see him, right?"

Jungkook bites his lip but stops the moment his teeth dig slightly hard into the flesh. He remembers Taehyung telling him he should quit the bad habit because it damaged the soft skin there. He doesn't care that much, but he's probably right.

"I have to hand it personally to him. It's fine, I'll do it," he shrugs, because hey, it's not a big deal. This is family business. This is okay, this should be okay. Namjoon asked him if it would, though for the way he looked at him when did, full of pity and that kind of look he gets when he's basically grasping at straws, he realized quickly there would be no way out of this but through. It's not like he deluded himself into believing it would be easy.

"Do you want me to come with? Or Namjoon, maybe," he offers, and of course his brother offered, too. But Jungkook is sick of letting people fight his battles for him. He's not a kid anymore who has to hide under his brother's arms, that kid that used to run towards Hoseok's bed with tears in his eyes. And he also cannot just let his boyfriend's boldness do all the work. This is his family, this is his problem and he will man up and handle it. Even if it makes him feel anxious and scared as fuck.

"It's fine. I can do it, it's just...dad," another shrug, another careless gesture to hide his uneasiness from Hoseok, but just like the first attempt, it doesn't work.

"I know. But you know why I say this, too. He always gets inside people's heads. Don't let him. No matter how many times he's told you how all you can aspire to do is working in that company, it's a lie. You should've never been there if you didn't want to in the first place," he explains after taking another sip of his coffee, this one longer and deeper, making his adam's apple move as the liquid makes its way down his throat.

"You and Namjoon are there, too. You like it. I should like it, as well," he replies, eyes lowered to his own cup of black coffee, although he's already made up his mind. But it doesn't mean he's completely on board with it, doesn't mean Hoseok couldn't change his decision if he really wanted to.

"But you don't. And you're absolutely entitled to doing what you want to do with your life. So please, do it," Hoseok says, voice serious and void of his usual light amusement, commanding him to look him in the eye as he talks. Jungkook does and feels himself shrink a little bit. His cousin reminds him a lot of his uncle then, with his determined and wise eyes; the eyes of an adult who is advising you because he's been in your place before, because he knows what's best and you should shut up and listen. He was never close to his uncle, but Jungkook always respected him for challenging his father and giving him a piece of his mind when needed. Hoseok's dad never stopped talking when told and he was so smart that he made people want to hear whatever he had to say. Jungkook realizes just then how much his cousin is like him as he continues, unfazed by Jungkook's wide, impressed eyes, "Don't do it for me, don't do it for your brother, and don't even do it for Taehyung. Do this for you."

And Jungkook, maybe for the first time in a while, actually listens.

When Jungkook gets to his father's office, he isn't surprised to find him already sitting in his throne, eyes ready to scrutinize him as if he'd been expecting him. Which, all things considered, he probably had. Jungkook, unfortunately, had to come straight to the highest floor of the building to get it over with, and couldn't get a glimpse of his boyfriend... though he is going to see him tonight and he shouldn't bother him during work hours, anyway.

He holds the paper in his hand, the letter he signed not long ago and that will give him the freedom he's wanted all along. His fingers are tight and steady as a rock. He doesn't sit down, doesn't intend to stay long enough to talk to the awful man and give him the chance to mess with his head like Hoseok said. He extends his hand in silence, waits for the older to take the paper but he seems to refuse as he simply stares back at him with those empty eyes of his, completely undaunted.

After a few moments, Jungkook's arm begins hurting and he lets the letter fall on the desk instead.

"Here's my resignation. You can tell whatever excuse you want to the press, I honestly don't care," he says, right hand buried in the pocket of his jeans. He's never worn jeans to the office before and it feels great. Such a small detail and yet it tastes like rebellion in his mouth. He feels high on it, too, high on the idea of sending this whole fucking building to hell, high because he won't have to be back, high because now he can do what he really wants and---

"Do you honestly fool yourself under the pretense of thinking you can simply do as every other weak buffon here and resign ?" his father asks, voice cold, eyes even colder. He always felt as if he were touching ice while talking to Mr. Jeon. When he was a kid, his mom used to be the sun, the polar opposite of his father. Now he thinks they both live in an ice castle and share the eternal winter together, snow clinging to their hands and freezing their hearts.

"I can. I'm like any other employee here," Jungkook states, proud of his own unwavering voice as he replies. His father stares back at him and slowly allows his eyes to show something besides coldness. His eyelashes shake as he blinks and the bitter edge of anger makes its way towards his dark irises, polluting them with something akin to poison.

Mr. Jeon straightens on his leather seat, his column so straight that Jungkook thinks it has got to be painful.

"I won't allow this. You're my son, my blood, despite whatever delusions you've chosen to live under, such as the luxury of pursuing irrational and fatuous dreams--- " he spits at him, marking each word with his tongue digging into them like a knife, stabbing at the magical sound that has always clung to such a hopeful word as dreams . But of course, of course his father could take something beautiful in his calloused hands and turn it into something ugly like a mistake.

Jungkook tastes bile. "You won't allow this? You can't force me to stay here."

The look his father, his boss, his torturer sends him is such of disinterest and boredom that it makes him want to rip his hair out. Years of pent up frustration and stress and anger and sadness begin making their way to his chest, like a balloon filling with air, slowly about to burst. He thought it'd burst already, back at their house when he'd snapped at his father, he thought he wouldn't be able to have that moment of strength, of blind defiance again, not with him. It seems he didn't just have a balloon; he had a whole circus locked inside him, just waiting patiently to unravel and explode into a perfect, almost comical, chaos. Because your parents are the people who are supposed to love you the most, the ones who should, who must care for and about you, not the ones who bring pain to your life, not the ones who neglect and purposefully hurt you. So what kind of parents does he have? And why has he ever allowed them to do this to him?

"I've been doing it for the past three years," Mr. Jeon answers, the perfect picture of calmness and control. He can still remember the way Taehyung riled him up only a couple of weeks ago, how he made him lose his precious control. That flushed face like a goddamn tomato, those awfully bright eyes, that vein . He wants to do that himself.

"I want to quit," he repeats because it seems the message hasn't been delivered to his father's brain.

The old man sighs. A hint of an eye roll passes through his eyes. He seems exhausted, and Jungkook wonders if he's stressed about leaving the company himself.

"You've always wanted to quit, Jungkook. What's different now? What do you wish for? Is it that boy you keep around? Fine, have him, as long as the press doesn't know I won't meddle in your disgusting, private doings." He gestures with a lazy, wrinkly hand, careless, eyes closing for a brief moment and looking to the side before finally looking back at him, as if holding back more insults. Jungkook counts to ten inside his head, thinks maybe it'll calm his nerves down but it feels like the timer of a bomb about to go off.

His father has never said anything about him sleeping with guys, let alone Namjoon being bisexual and bringing now the first guy to his door. He has never showed any care about who he sleeps with at all, not until it involved Kim Taehyung, one of his employees. And he knows why he cared then. Because he knew he felt something for him, something real, and maybe Jungkook would want to show his boyfriend around because that's what you do when you're in love, and god forbid people could ever find out about such a disgrace in a homophobic country like South Korea. The son of Jeon Wook dating a man? An employee of Bangtan as well, at that? Where would his supposed professionalism go? His fake image? What would the people think?

Don't worry dad, I won't stay here long enough to find out.

And deep down Jungkook thinks that perhaps, in a sick way, it also reminds his dad of his own love for the two women he pretended to be in love with. And he has to ruin it just like he ruined his two marriages.

"Disgusting? Is this because he's a boy and I'm a boy, too?" he can't help but ask, already full knowing the answer but having the stupid need to hear it coming from his dad himself, maybe searching for another reason to hate him, though really there's a whole list.

"I said I don't care," he answers, voice laced with anger and finality and yes, Jungkook almost smirks because this is what he wants, this is exactly what he wanted all along. "The only thing you're quitting today is this idea of you leaving the company. And how dare you present yourself before me in my own office wearing that?"

"I can't believe---" he begins, but cuts himself off. He needs to remain calm, he has to. He thinks of taking a deep breath but he doesn't want to show any signs of being close to losing his patience."I won't, I'm quitting and you can't just---"

"Watch me, then. You seriously expect to make it in a world without me? Without my help? If you ever even get one of your stupid books published it'll be because you own my name and people respect the Jeons," he finishes with a sick, wicked grin that twists his face into something almost evil. Is this what he wants? Does he want to make him really lose it, too? Maybe the apple really doesn't fall that far from the tree after all.

Jungkook forces himself to push the slight wetness of his eyes away. He balls his hands into tight fists, unable to help it any longer. He feels his teeth grit and press so hard against each other that they may shatter. He's far from caring as he shakes his hair, runs a steady hand through it as well, wishing to mess it around and annoy his father whose obsession with looks and what people see of you, is futile. He sees one of his eyes twitch slightly and half-smiles.

"I will. I will succeed in whatever the fuck I want to do in life because I'm going to do it for me," he says, words tasting real and true in his mouth. Like a small victory, even if his father thinks he's already won all the battles, this is enough for Jungkook; to finally say everything he's wanted to say, to hear another balloon burst, and another, and another...

"What kind of pathetic speech---" he tries to interrupt him, cheeks slightly flushing with barely concealed anger but Jungkook is having none of it. He continues talking, unfazed by the other's voice, the one that used to be commanding, the one that used to intimidate him and scare him---and maybe, maybe it still does but for the first time in his life, he doesn't care . He's tired of being forced into submission, into following his orders and swallowing words and feelings and basically, himself.

"It may seem pathetic to you because you've never loved anything in your life besides yourself and your own greed. But I do, I really do. And I don't care anymore about whatever you---" he's pointing fingers, he's raising his voice at his father, he's finally putting him in his place. His hands move, no longer balled tightly at his sides but gesturing with a purpose now. He feels his whole face try to send a message; it begins at his eyebrows and it ends at his chin and it feels absolutely freeing.

Mr. Jeon stands up at that, eyes wide in disbelief. The redness has spread to the tip of his ears. His grey hair and the wrinkles around his eyes make him look even older than what he really is. Jungkook catches a glimpse of that fat, dark vein in his neck. "You stupid boy! How dare you be so disrespectful, so ungrateful to me?! Coming to my office and---"

The whole circus blows up just in that moment. Jungkook hears fireworks and smells fire when the words begin falling out of his mouth like a cascade.

"...because I'm done doing what you tell me to do! I'm done being your fucking puppet! So yeah, have my letter of resignation and if you don't like it then that's even better. I'd hate to make any of your life any easier after how you made it all, all so fucking---" Jungkook doesn't realize he's crying until he feels the tears wet his cheeks and a sob cut his sentence off. His father stares at him, shocked speechless by the sudden turn of events. "So fucking hard . For so many years I just--- fuck you . Seriously, fuck you for hurting me and making me feel like an embarrassment, for making me run away from something I love. And fuck you for not caring enough to stop, even now."

"Jungkook---" the old man tries to say, but the younger is so far from listening. He's embarrassed and broken and he shakes his head before wiping his tears away and taking a deep breath, trying to compose himself and conserve the little bit of dignity he has left. He's never seen his father look so lost in his entire life, but then again, he hasn't cried in front of his father since he was a little kid.

"I quit, and that's it---that's...that's it ," it's all he manages to get out of his mouth before he turns around and stalks out of the office in a rush.

The moment he walks to the the empty hallway at his left, he throws his head against the wall behind him and cries, letting go everything he's been holding in; no more anger but sadness instead.

Taehyung finds Jungkook crying into his hands, sitting on the floor, huddled on himself like a small, scared kid. He feels his heart break into so many pieces at the sight that he wonders for a moment if he's ever going to glue them back together again.

He knew Jungkook would send his resignation letter today. He knew and so he sent him a text to ask how it'd gone. After no reply, he called. After no reply, he asked Hoseok and he said Jungkook should be in the building because he'd had coffee with him earlier and he was heading here when he left. And so Taehyung went up to the highest floor to wait for him outside Mr. Jeon's office, figuring a few minutes of his break wouldn't hurt a soul. What he didn't expect to find was his boyfriend crying his heart out in a lonely hallway. He wonders if anyone saw him or heard him. He's unrecognizable since he's wearing common clothes and covering his face (and yet Taehyung would recognize him anywhere, even in a crowd full of people), but still it'd surely seem weird to see someone crying here. Well, that's not true, many people have cried in Bangtan but not like this. Not like something tragic has been done to them.

After a few moments of shock, Taehyung rushes to his aid.

"Baby," he says as soon as he crouches down next to him. Jungkook startles, looking up from his hands with surprise and confusion and---god, his eyes, his eyes are full of tears and rimmed with red, lashes heavy with water. His cheeks and nose are flushed, his hair a mess. He looks absolutely broken. "Baby, please, what happened?" he asks, already wrapping his arms around him with fervor, almost instinctively, feeling the other's body shake with the sobs that come out of his mouth.

Jungkook just cries against his chest, hands circling his waist desperately.

"What did he do to you?" he whispers into his hair, kissing his head, running his hands through the locks trying to calm him down. "I'm here, I love you," he continues murmuring, soothing words leaving his lips. Jungkook holds him even tighter at that. And they stay just like that, hugging each other as the younger cries the sadness out of his system and Taehyung tries to force his own tears inside. For there's nothing quite as painful as seeing the one you love breaking right in front of you, and being completely unable to do anything but watch.

"You can let go of me, I won't break," Jungkook chuckles but Taehyung is far from listening. They're laying on Taehyung's king size bed, after Tae asked Namjoon if he could leave an hour early for Jungkook. He couldn't stay with a crying Jungkook in his arms on a hallway in which anyone could walk through at any given moment. Namjoon was worried at first but the other reassured him he would take good care of his brother, like he had before. And of course, he did. It's been hours since then now, darkness has fallen into the city and Jungkook's face is clean of any trace of tears. Still, Taehyung has a hand tightly wrapped around the other's torso while his head rests comfortably against his chest.

"I know, but I don't want to," he simply replies, making his boyfriend laugh. After hearing him cry like he did before, this sound is like pure music to his ears. He never wants to see Jungkook like that again. Ever.

"I'm fine, Tae. Seriously. I just had a bit of a...breakdown."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, hopeful. Talking is always what he does when something bothers him, he knows how bad it can get if you bottle things up. But Jungkook has refused for the past two hours and although he obviously can't force him, he still is worried he may break again if he doesn't at least say something.

He hears the other sigh, his chest expanding for a moment before contracting again. "I told you I didn't."

"Just checking," he shrugs before adding in a lower tone, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he replies, voice soft before he feels a kiss on the top of his head.

"You know I'll always be here to talk though, right?" he says just in case, measuring his words slowly.

"I know, darling," Jungkook replies.

The nickname sends a blush to Taehyung's face. He giggles.

"Did you just giggle?" the younger asks, the grin clear in his voice. Taehyung huffs at that, trying to keep some of his dignity untouched.

"Of course not."

"You so did."

"No way, shut up," he hits him in the chest for better measure but Jungkook just laughs in return, bringing Taehyung up with a hand to see him in the eye even though the lights are off and the only way to see one another is by the city lights coming from the window. He runs a hand through the older's hair, eyes endeared and underlined by the white, bright moon. He stares at him for a few moments, playing with his hair softly, tangling it between his fingers before whispering, "Thank you."

Taehyung feels his heart jump in his chest. "For what?"

Jungkook smiles; it's so soft he almost misses it.

"For being here, for standing my ugly crying," he adds with a light chuckle as if trying to ease the tension in the room.

Taehyung raises a hand of his own and cups the younger's cheek. "You're pretty even when you cry."

"And you're beautiful," he murmurs back before leaning closer and kissing his lips.

And if this is love, then really, it's worth all the pain, all the wait, all the screaming and all the pining. It's worth absolutely everything.

Chapter Seventeen: The Honeymoon Phase

Jimin stares at his friend and muffles a giggle with his hand, eyes darting towards his boyfriend who is raising his eyebrows in perplexity at the sight of a nervous Kim Taehyung pacing around the living room with only a towel hung over his waist.

Taehyung is mumbling under his breath, checking his reflection on the mirror even though he still hasn't decided on what to wear and his hair is wet, strands sticking to his forehead and water drops falling to the floor. Yoongi fails to see what's so funny about the situation, for his friend has been freaking out for over an hour now and it's a bit concerning in his opinion.

"Shouldn't we...do something?" Yoongi asks then, leaning over the couch to reach Jimin better. His boyfriend shakes his head, body trembling with barely contained laughter.

"This is too good. I've never seen him like this."

" Guys . I'm not fucking deaf, you know? I just---I need to have the perfect outfit. He's already so hot no matter what he wears and he's got money...well, he used to have money," he raises a hand to cover his gaping mouth then, eyes widening in realization. "Oh my god, he resigned! Does that mean he's poor now? Am I supposed to pay? I can't afford a great restaurant!"

"Taehyung, calm down. He won't be here for another two hours," Yoongi reminds him after checking his wrist watch. He wishes he didn't know the exact time when Jungkook is coming up to get his friend, for it's none of his business and he'd rather do something else than watch him basically throw a tantrum every two seconds, but after hearing it for the last two days it kind of stuck.

Taehyung turns towards him at the speed of lightning, eyes wide as he slams a hand against his forehead. "Two hours!? I got two hours," he repeats in a lower voice.

"Dude, haven't you two been dating for like a month now?" Yoongi inquiries as he takes the remote control and changes the channel for one without a boring cliché drama on it now that Jimin isn't watching anymore. He adores his boyfriend but oh how he hates having to endure episode after episode of lame as fuck storylines, bad acting and writers obviously trying to come up with original plots (they fail, every single time).

"Three weeks. This is our first official date," Taehyung replies, nodding his head at a pair of blue skinny jeans that have rips in the knees and at the back of the thighs. Yoongi frowns at the clothes and wonders if going naked is a choice, too, for those jeans reveal a lot of skin on themselves.

"But---"

"Yoongi, let him be," Jimin says, smile still plastered on his face as he tells his best friend that those jeans are gonna make his ass look downright edible. Yoongi frowns at the nasty comment.

"But I don't get it. He met his boyfriend's parents before going on a date with him? Who does that?" he questions next, but he only gets two glares in return.

"We just liked hanging out inside and---just... god, let us live!" Taehyung yells, holding a black shirt so tight on his hands that Yoongi wonders for a moment if he wants to rip it to make a nice matching outfit with the jeans. He rolls his eyes at the two and turns his attention back to the tv.

"Whatever," is all he mutters as Taehyung tells Jimin he needs to do his hair and both run up the stairs like a pair of gossipy, excited teenagers.

"Okay. Complete honesty. Do I look hot?" Taehyung asks as he turns away from the mirror on his bathroom, looking at Jimin expectantly, who is sitting in his bed with his head resting on the palm of his hand

"Yes, Taehyung. Seriously. If you weren't my best friend, I would totally hit on you," he answers for what seems like the hundredth time. Taehyung can't help the hint of a smile as he plays with the hem of his shirt. There's still the tug of insecurity making his heartbeat a bit faster than normal.

"For real? I don't know, I've never worn these jeans before...and the shirt looks a bit...revealing, don't you think?"

Jimin tilts his head to the side, eyes narrowing as he inspects the cute black shirt he lent his friend minutes ago. It's a bit tight on the waist and the collar is low enough to expose a big part of his prominent collarbones, but in Jimin's opinion, that's the whole point of the shirt. And combined with the deep blue jeans and the combat boots? He looks hot as fuck.

"It's great. Now all you need is some eyeliner---"

Taehyung shakes his head as he leans over the mirror, inspecting his reflection. He sees the mole under his eye, the one on his nose. They remind him of the small one Jungkook has under his lower lip and how gorgeous it makes him. He doesn't feel so ugly with them anymore.

"Nah, that's too much. I already did my hair, I don't want to overdo it."

Jimin scoffs loudly at that. "He's your boyfriend, dude. What are you trying to hide? He knows you love him and wanna impress him," he shrugs but Taehyung thinks it's a bit easier said than done. He's too nervous to think properly, even if he knows his best friend is right.

"But..."

"If you start not dolling up for him after the first three weeks, what are you two gonna do in your first year anniversary? Lay on the couch wearing sweatpants? Ew," he physically cringes, raising from the younger's king size bed to lean on the threshold instead, arms crossing over his chest, fingers twisting around a black eyeliner that Taehyung wonders where he got from. Does he keep one in his pocket at all times? Somehow, it doesn't entirely surprise him.

"I wouldn't mind to---" he begins, because he really wouldn't. He knows it sounds pretty lame and cheesy but he doesn't care what Jungkook has got planned for them as long as they are together.

Jimin seems to read his cliché thoughts because he rolls his eyes and says in a stern voice, " Dude ."

And okay, fine. Being disgustingly in love can wait.

"You're right, give me that thing," he demands, shoving Jimin lightly in the shoulder as his friend grins mischievously, handing the eyeliner over with ease.

Taehyung may be looking smoking hot, but when he opens the door to Jungkook, he wants to scream and hide and fuck him, all at the same time. He's only wearing a white shirt and a black leather jacket but it's enough to have Taehyung reeling. The way the fabric sticks to his body like a second skin, his perfectly parted hair and the bit of eyeliner he's wearing that gives him a smokey, kinda mysterious look, threaten to ruin the older's confidence. He's still checking him out, eyes traveling up and down his body shamelessly when he hears Jungkook speak,

"Wow, you look..." he's shaking his head a bit as if dizzy, pink tongue peeking out of his mouth to lick at his lips.

"Shut up, you look gorgeous and hot and---" he sighs, unable to finish that sentence.

Jungkook chuckles at that, the sound light and familiar. He then leans over and plants a chaste kiss on Taehyung's lips, one that leaves the older unsatisfied and waiting for more.

"Are you wearing lipstick?" he asks as Taehyung rests his hip against the threshold, arms comfortably wrapped around his torso in what he considers is a confident pose. He smiles at Jungkook, lashes batting sweetly as he nods.

"Yup. Strawberry flavored. You like?"

Jungkook doesn't reply with actual words but leans over again instead, this time running his tongue over the other's bottom lip before tugging at it with his teeth. Taehyung whimpers, shocked into silence as he feels his blood rush to his cheeks.

"I like," the younger smirks and Taehyung turns away from him with the excuse of searching for his phone so they can leave.

Why is he acting like this, god, why is he so nervous and why is Jungkook so calm ? Because you've been basically dating for over a month and he's already met your parents and you're being an idiot.

"Hey guys," Jungkook nods at Jimin and Yoongi who are in the kitchen getting dinner ready. Jimin is leaning over the counter and stealing some bread whenever his boyfriend looks away to make sure the vegetables on the pan don't get burnt. He glares at Jimin whenever he catches him on the act, though a quick apology and a giggle are all he needs to make Yoongi roll his eyes fondly in reply, letting it go.

"Hey," Yoongi says looking up from a dough he's kneading on the counter. "Please take him as soon as possible. He's been a nervous wreck all day long and---"

" Yoongi ," Taehyung says through gritted teeth as he sends daggers at the older, hands tightly clutching at his phone.

"What?" he asks, confused as Jimin punches him in the arm, whispering (loud enough for everyone to hear) how he's making Taehyung sound lame in front of his boyfriend. Yoongi curses at the punch and tells Jimin how it actually hurt, which makes the younger pout and apologize before kissing him on the lips.

Taehyung stares at them, unimpressed.

This is just great.

"Anyway. Bye," is all Taehyung says as he yanks an amused Jungkook by the wrist. He feels absurdly embarrassed when they make their way down the stairs, but he thinks his boyfriend may no say anything (even though there's a mocking grin plastered on his face all the way down) until the moment they're walking hand in hand towards Jungkook's car and he asks, "Are you nervous, babe?"

Taehyung doesn't even bother looking at him as he shakes his head.

"Don't."

Jungkook laughs it off before opening the door for him to get inside.

Taehyung didn't even know where Jungkook would take him, but he honestly didn't expect to find himself in one of the biggest libraries in Seoul. He sends an inquiring raised eyebrow towards his boyfriend when the latter holds his hand the moment they step through the gigantic double doors. Jungkook grins at him in reply, tugging him along in silence. Taehyung can't say he's ever been here, considering back in college he used to simply visit the library on campus when needed. And as much as he enjoys reading a good book, he can't say he's a big reader himself.

He stares at the rows of books with his lips parted in reverence. The shelves run high; they're so tall and beautiful he has to crane his neck to allow his eyes to squint at the titles. The library is so big that some parts of it are full of people while others are empty and look almost liminal in its expansion. The lights are a bit too bright as they shine against the brown bookcases. There's a series of tables arranged here and there for people to sit down and read in comfortable-looking cream chairs. Everything is just beautiful.

"Mind telling me what we're doing here?" he questions Jungkook anyway once he takes them to a pretty empty part of the library. He reads the shelf at his left and realizes it's full of gardening books. Figures.

"I love this place," Jungkook simply shrugs, eyes sparkling as he stares at the thousands of colorful books that surround them. The high ceilings make them feel small, just like the endless glass windows that allow a bit of light from the full moon to pour through. And yet Taehyung feels cozy and almost at home with the faint murmur of hushed whispers from a few meters away as background noise.

"It's beautiful. You come here a lot?"

"Yeah. Mostly when I was young...whenever I got mad at my parents, I'd just sneak out of the house and come here," he replies, his eyes focused on the random book his hands hold like a treasure, even though the title reads something about how to properly grow petunias in your garden. His fingers caress the spine and the white pages before his eyes look back up at Taehyung. "This may bore you," he chuckles but the older shakes his head profusely.

"I like reading too, you know? And this place is obviously important to you so...it's nice," he smiles before quietly adding, "Though aren't we dressed kinda...you know, for this place?"

"You look absolutely ravishing, baby," Jungkook answers with a smirk tinting his pink lips and Taehyung feels his heart skip a beat at the sight. He opens his mouth to throw him a witty reply but all he hears is a sound between a snort and a huff. Jungkook laughs when he hears it. "What was that?"

"Nothing. Anyway, let's go read something," he suggests, already trying to squirm away from the younger. He didn't realize he was standing with his back against some bookcase until now.

"Tae? Are you...are you okay?" Jungkook chuckles as Taehyung's cheeks continue flushing like a tomato. He shakes his head and his boyfriend laughs, hand still next to the older's face as he leans even closer yet, his delicious perfume making Taehyung physically ache. "Do I really make you nervous?" he whispers then, nosing his jaw and practically nuzzling his neck, the tip of his nose teasing his skin. Taehyung is getting hard just by this and it's embarrassing and lame as fuck, but the action is just so intimate and natural that it has his teeth digging against his lip, completely smitten.

"I'm...fine," he forces the words out, almost choking and tripping all over them, eyes struggling to stare right back at the two zealous dark orbs. And Jungkook notices, because he knows his boyfriend so well by now, has spent months looking at him and studying his body without realizing it that he could hear his pulse even while standing three feet away from him, could blindly draw Taehyung's eyes and his expressive eyebrows, could pinpoint the exact spots in where he likes to be touched...and could, undoubtedly, tell when he's a nervous wreck.

"You don't sound fine," he smirks then and Taehyung almost moans when he feels his boyfriend's tongue run over a sensitive place on his neck. His breath hitches and he glances around them out of the corners of his eyes, checking if the bookshelf still covers them from view and praying for people to continue avoiding the gardening section of the library.

"But I am..." he mumbles pathetically, craning his neck for him to do whatever he wants with him, though his hands still hold onto the shelves behind him, knuckles white due to the tightness in his hold. He's trying to contain himself from holding onto Jungkook instead because he knows that if he did, there'd be no avoiding the inevitable.

"You drive me crazy, love," Jungkook whispers against his skin and Taehyung wants to shake his head no and say it's the other way around; it's him who drives him absolutely insane, who projects all of these butterflies that dance and sing on his insides, melting them into a puddle of nothing.

It's him, it's him and Taehyung can't even imagine for how long it's actually been him without knowing it himself.

"We should...Jungkook, anyone could see us. Let's---" he begins, panicking when he sees a group of people talking animatedly and walking in their direction from their left. They can't see them but if they don't break apart any time soon, they will.

The younger smiles against his neck before giving him one last kiss and retreating.

"Such a party pooper," he exclaims, rolling his eyes and directing them to the books at their sides.

"Shut up, we can get to that later," he replies, his body missing his warmth almost instantly. He can still feel the flush of his neck where Jungkook was just sealing his lips against. He sighs in relief when the group of people walk past them, completely unaware of how his boyfriend was pretty much about to make him come in his pants against a bookshelf by just teasing his neck. "Now, show me the best places here."

"With pleasure," Jungkook grins, giddiness in his eyes before holding his hand out to him. Taehyung thinks it's adorable how excited he looks simply by being among books. He's the cutest nerd ever.

"So, is this your favorite book?" Taehyung asks eyeing the title with a frown. He'd be lying if he were to say he understands the meaning of those two words. Yes, they're in korean but he's sure they have a hidden meaning he's missing. Jungkook grabs the book from the older's hands knowingly and nods, solemnly holding it open on the first page.

"It is. I love it."

They're sitting side by side, shoulders touching as their backs rest comfortably against the shelf behind them. They've been here for over an hour and it seems no one is interested in latin-written books, for only two people have come by and barely checked a few titles before leaving them in their previous place, basically untouched. Taehyung thinks that if books had feelings, these would feel super rejected.

"Isn't it funny to think someone else may think this about one of your books, someday?" he asks in a hushed whisper, because even though they're in a pretty vacant corner of the library, he still feels he should honor the sacred place with a low tone of voice, as if he were in a church. When he said this to Jungkook, the younger smiled so widely back at him that now he can't help but whisper with a bit of pride. His boyfriend isn't smiling now, though. He's looking up from the thin book, eyelids droopy.

"Taehyung..." he says, and it sounds more like a tired whine than anything else. The older frowns at him.

"What?"

"The fact that I resigned doesn't mean I have to write, I can do other things, too," he answers honestly, but Taehyung huffs in response. He turns around so he can face him better, the shelf in front of them providing a bit of shadow against the lit up lights hanging from the ceiling, so Jungkook's eyes are darkened while his mouth remains bright red and beautiful, as if calling for attention.

"But wasn't that the whole point? For you not only to stop working for your father but to pursue your dreams as well?" he questions, truly curious as to what on earth Jungkook could be possibly thinking of doing instead. Taehyung loves his job, but he can't say it's his passion...he doesn't think he has one, not to his knowledge, at least. Now, for Jungkook it's a completely different story. If there's anyone out there who is passionate about something, is him. And to ignore that? It sounds like a sin to Taehyung, like a personal offense to life itself.

Jungkook plays with the top corner of the book, holding the back with his right hand while sliding the top of each page with his thumb, allowing the soft yellowish paper to caress the skin of his finger, the sound like butterfly wings over a quiet summer afternoon. Taehyung recognizes it as a nervous tick and is surprised to find he isn't biting his lower lip instead.

"I'm not sure it'd be a wise decision," he says, voice so faint that he has to press himself a bit closer against him to hear. Or maybe it's because Taehyung refuses to believe Jungkook could ever let go of something so significant, so easily.

"Fuck that. You have to do what makes you happy."

Jungkook looks up at that, his thumb still running over the pages as he softly regards him with a lovely smile that is all lips and no teeth.

"You make me happy," he cheesily states.

"Yes, and you're already doing me so," he shrugs with a quick eye roll, making Jungkook laugh lightly. He places his hand on the younger's hair, carding his fingers through its silkiness, relishing in the delicious smell of his shampoo.

"Just try, Kooks. You have to try. Writing is your it ."

"My what?" he asks, though he sounds as if he already knows the answer.

"You know, that thing that makes all the other things worth it. All the shit and pain," he explains, hands gesturing all around them as if pretending to blame the whole world, to take it in his hands and lock it there. "I'm no critic, no editor, no expert in literature whatsoever but I know that your poems have made me feel...stuff," he shrugs, ever the eloquent. Jungkook half-smiles at his attempt to put it into words. "What I mean is that...I know you're good and you can do great things and you have to try."

There's surprise in Jungkook's expression as his mouth opens in slight awe at his last words. It's not that he hadn't expected Taehyung to be so kind to him, for he's the sweetest, most genuine and beautiful person he's ever known; both inside and out. But after being told no for so many years, he can't help but be surprised at the odd sound of a yes . And such an honest yes, at that. He's never heard his boyfriend sound so confident in anything.

"You believe in me," he says, though it sounds a bit like a question. Taehyung's hand stops his ministrations for a moment, taken aback by the astonished expression on Jungkook's face.

"Of course I do."

Jungkook smiles but it vanishes as soon as it comes, thoughts still running through his annoying mind as he sets the book down on the floor at his right.

"But...Tae, if I fail...isn't it better not to know?" he asks, softly looking up at him through his thick lashes as Taehyung continues caressing his hair, trying to relax him. As Jungkook stares at Taehyung, there's a world of silences behind his eyelids as he lowers his eyes. Taehyung looks right back at him, eyebrows pulling up in a deep frown. He has the sudden urge to reach for him and hug him to his chest. Or perhaps it's not sudden; perhaps it's always kinda there, subdued, waiting for the moment to slip from his fingers. "I don't...think you understand how much I love it, Tae. And failing, failing is not a possibility I'd like to face," he explains, or tries to, for Taehyung is looking at him as if he were a puzzle in a different language.

"So you'd rather not know?" he questions, and the younger can hear the frustration in his words. Jungkook knows the answer the older wants. He knows he loves him and would want him to have everything life has to offer; he knows this because that's exactly what he wants for Taehyung himself. But he's terrified. Panic creeps its way towards his throat, slowly choking him, depriving him from the air that will keep him from falling.

"I know it sounds stupid but...the idea of not being good enough doing what I love..." he sighs, the breath heavy and familiar as he lets it go. Taehyung tilts his head to the side, shakes it a bit in disbelief before kicking at the floor with his foot, trying to release part of his pent up frustration. It makes his toes hurt for a few seconds, but it catches the other's attention as he looks back at him with surprise.

Taehyung grabs his hand then. He eyes the way Jungkook instantly intertwines their fingers together and squeezes so softly that it makes Taehyung wonder if he even notices he's clinging to his hand for dear life. He squeezes back, runs his other hand over his wrist.

"And what if you are , Jungkook? What if you become freaking famous and successful? What if you're closing the door before even checking if it's locked?" he questions, softly but seriously enough for the other to know he means it.

"Who is the writer here?" he chuckles when he hears Taehyung's metaphor. His boyfriend rolls his eyes in reply, leaning to rest his head on his shoulder.

"Just...try."

Jungkook remains in silence for so long that Taehyung thinks the answer will be a final no. He's about to come up with yet another argument when the younger finally says,

"Okay...I'll think about it."

Once they leave the library, they decide to order sushi back at Jungkook's apartment instead of going to the restaurant itself because Taehyung gets handsy as soon as they reach his car. He rubs his hand over Jungkook's crotch after putting the seatbelt on (just because Jungkook forced him) and smirks so suggestively that Jungkook curses.

"I'm driving, Taehyung."

"I know you are. Don't mind me," he replies, his hand still pushing against the half-hard cock trapped on his jeans. Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek and does his best to focus on the road ahead, eternally grateful for not having gone to a place far from his apartment. It only takes them six absurd minutes of Taehyung sucking on his own thumb while groping Jungkook for them to get to the building. Jungkook thinks it's a miracle they make it to the elevator with the older kissing him shamelessly on the mouth the moment they get out of the car. Jungkook has to restrain himself from slamming his boyfriend against the hood and fucking him right there on the street for everyone to see.

They don't get to order sushi, of course, for when Jungkook finally unlocks the door, he has a handful of a horny Taehyung refusing to let go of him (not that he minds). Taehyung kisses his lips before his mouth travels down towards his jaw and neck. Jungkook sighs, relaxing as he leans to expose his neck to his boyfriend. The older caresses the skin with his mouth, which feels as soft as a feather, lips slightly moist, their touch heavenly.

"You're beautiful," Taehyung whispers against him, his warm breath feeling a bit like tickles and he's about to laugh before the other's tongue swirls in circles around a purple bruise there, the memory of a hickey he painted against the younger's skin a few days ago, and he finds himself moaning instead.

"No, you are," Jungkook says and it comes out more breathy than he intended. Still, he can hear the fondness in his voice.

Jungkook pushes Taehyung against the wall then, and the older moans at being manhandled. His eyes flutter shut in pleasure as he feels the younger kneading his ass, taking fistfuls of his skin on his big hands and caging him with his broad shoulders. He feels his warmth enveloping him as Jungkook slams his hips against his backside, earning him yet another needy moan.

"Fuck just---take me, please."

"You want me, baby?" Jungkook whispers against his ear, his hot breath sending a shiver down the older's spine. His lips ghost over his earlobe, teeth grazing it diligently. Taehyung feels his cock getting harder by the second, his entire body flushing with complete and total need.

"You know I do. Stop teasing."

He hears Jungkook chuckle then, breathy and husky and deep. He feels his hands touch him under his shirt, fingers running over smooth skin, stopping at his nipples and rolling them around his burning fingertips. Pleasure runs all the way through Taehyung's body and Jungkook bites his lip at the gorgeous sight, at the blissful sounds he makes every time his plush pink lips part. He could eat him whole; his skin and his mouth are so dangerously sweet, it should be illegal.

He latches his own mouth against the older's neck then, biting at the skin and sucking with his tongue as his fingers continue pinching his nipples, getting the soft skin hard under his touch. Taehyung is a mess of low moans for when Jungkook decides to let his free hand travel down to his pants. He palms him through the fabric, relishing in the almost guttural groan that leaves his mouth at the sudden friction. He pushes against the younger's hand, eager.

"Are you gonna---fuck me...here?" Taehyung asks, his breath coming out hard as his heart slams against his ribcage in anticipation. Jungkook kisses his neck, fingers unzipping the older's tight jeans and running over his hard member. The hand previously teasing his nipples then runs its way towards the ripped part at the back of his jeans. Taehyung visibly whimpers the moment Jungkook's warm fingers slip inside, caressing the golden skin of his thighs.

"I may," is all he gets in reply, eyes fluttering shut in pleasure the moment the younger's nails dig slightly hard against the sensitive, tender flesh. "Fuck, the things you do to me, darling."

Taehyung moans, both due to the words Jungkook sends right to his ear with his tongue brushing his earlobe as he verbalizes, and the way the younger's hand begins stroking him slowly.

His eyes shut in absolute submission as the younger adds, "Take your clothes off."

Taehyung thinks it's a bit unfair that Jungkook is still wearing most of his clothes but he doesn't voice his complaint as he pulls his jeans off with a bit of effort caused by the tightness around his thighs. Jungkook helps him with his shirt as he kicks the jean away from them, and the older smirks when he hears the sound of his boyfriend taking his own jeans off.

But it doesn't last long, the knowing smile, that is. For it's seconds later that Jungkook holds both of the older's hands against the wall, palms splayed on top of his head and secured under his own.

"Kinky," he chuckles, but Jungkook quickly shuts him up with another dry thrust of his hips against his. It sends Taehyung reeling a bit as he bites on his lip, pushing his ass backwards to create more friction, feeling the other's cock already fully hard when it rubs over the crack of his ass. He tries to push Jungkook's hands away so he can get his briefs off as soon as possible, but his boyfriend has other ideas in mind.

"Easy there. No rush, baby," he murmurs, kissing Taehyung's cheek almost tenderly, the brush of his lips against his cheekbone so sweet it gives the older whiplash. "Gotta open you first, yeah?"

And Taehyung expects lube, a couple of fingers and a lot of lube, enough to create a squelching sound. He's surprised when Jungkook gets on his knees behind him instead, freeing his hands with the sudden movement. His eyes widen when his boyfriend gets his underwear off, letting it slide to the floor as his lips kiss his round globes. He feels lips and tongue and even teeth unite to reduce him to a mess of moans. Jungkook gives a groan of his own when he parts the older's buttcheeks and licks at the entrance, hands holding him open to thrust his tongue slowly inside. Taehyung is already pushing against the wall, trying to level himself, but when Jungkook adds his fingers inside him, his head is thrown backwards in an attempt to release something.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck...." he mumbles, both curses and praises mixing in his mouth as Jungkook scissors his index and middle finger with such expert coordination that he thinks he may faint out of pure pleasure. That combined with his delicious wet tongue as it slides over his walls, breaking him apart, unraveling under his magic touch. He pushes his hips against his face, hands working as leverage as they hold onto the wall for dear life. And he pushes hard, up until Jungkook has his mouth buried between his cheeks, his two fingers caressing his prostate as if it were a wounded animal, with soft feathery touches that leave him begging for more. Literally. "More, please...right there, oh my god, right fucking there. "

And Jungkook complies, licking a long stripe over his entrance and slapping his right cheek. Taehyung whimpers at the testing touch, and this seems enough to allow Jungkook another slap on his other cheek, this time harder; it makes Taehyung gasp in surprise, the pain registering as absolute pleasure and going straight to his throbbing dick. He lowers his eyes to watch the red tip already smeared with precum as it pulses like a beating heart.

But it's before he can come that Jungkook stands back up and presses himself against him, hands holding his on top of his head again, his own hard, thick cock teasingly hanging between his asscheeks. And he wants him so badly, wants him inside him, fucking him senseless. And Jungkook wants it, too, but he loves teasing the older, driving him to the edge of the cliff so the fall is a thousand times better. He delights himself with admiring his waist, his soft and lean body, the curve of his beautiful ass...

"Fuck me bare," Taehyung blurts out then, and they're so close that he can hear Jungkook's breath hitch.

" Fuck. Are you...are you sure?" he asks, his previous confidence fading for a moment as he turns Taehyung around to face him, eyes gentle as his hands cradle the other's head.

"Of course I am," he smiles and Jungkook smiles right back, more out of instinct than anything else, because who could watch Kim Taehyung smile and refuse to return the favor?

"Okay," he nods before kissing his temple softly and holding him by the hips, turning him back to face the wall. Taehyung leans his weight on his hands, hears Jungkook lubing his cock up quickly, fingers traveling up and down his shaft in fast strokes before he feels him back against him, slowly starting to push his tip inside. Taehyung shuts his eyes, legs widening to make the slide easier. A moan makes its way up his throat when Jungkook pushes completely inside, his balls touching the curve of his ass. The lube feels cold as it drips. He feels a sting and presses his hips tight, even closer yet as Jungkook's hands caress his sides and he waits a few moments for him to finally sigh and move his ass to signal his boyfriend to move.

And he does; deep, intense, thorough thrusts that have Taehyung arching his back, hands balled in fists as he glues them to the wall and moans. He's never been fucked against a wall before; he didn't know it could feel this great to have the solid support of it under his hands while his boyfriend held him and slammed inside him over and over again.

The tip of Jungkook's long cock curves when he slides back inside then and barely finds his prostate.

"You feel amazing, baby," Jungkook grunts, his hands going from his hips to his torso as he teases the older's nipples again, lips trailing kisses down his back and around his nape.

"You--- fuck ," he gasps, unable to form coherent sentences. He's never felt Jungkook this close before, the thin latex now not separating them, allowing the soft skin of his cock to completely make contact with his wet entrance as it swallows him time after time, walls stretching with the size the moments he thrusts so deep Taehyung swears he feels it everywhere . The movements are so delicious, the rhythm harder by the second, tough and mercilessly slamming against him, just the way he likes it.

" Harder , come on, hard----" the older's sentence is cut off by Jungkook suddenly turning him around without disconnecting them and raising Taehyung's legs to wrap them around his torso so fast that he thinks, for a moment, that he levitates in the air. Or maybe it's just the pleasure making him finally insane.

The new position feels pretty similar to the last one but now he can look at Jungkook's lustful, dark eyes as he stares at him. Now he can stare right back and lick his lips and watch the moment his boyfriend's heated gaze follows the movement. Now he can hug him closer, tangle his hands on his hair and pull , hard, making Jungkook moan the most delicious sound. Now he can kiss his lips and it's wet and hot and incredible.

Jungkook slaps him in the ass again, Taehyung moaning against his lips, the sound getting heavier and more intense in his mouth as Jungkook slams right against that incredible, blissful bundle of nerves that make Taehyung see fucking stars. The younger bites at his neck, his shoulder, chest, every part of his body he can reach as they slowly begin reaching their climaxes.

"Where....do you want it?" Jungkook asks, his breath coming out hard. Taehyung instantly knows what he means and he smirks as he leans over his ear, their sweaty chests touching, strands of hair sticking to their foreheads, and murmurs,

"Half inside me, half on my face."

And Jungkook bites his lip until it draws blood though Taehyung lets him have it because he can relate to the madness as his boyfriend pushes him against the now warm wall and fucks him with all of his strength, his thrusts almost animalistic as he pushes and pulls and Taehyung comes seconds later, without a warning, the pool of warm inside him spilling out in white, fat stripes that drip down Jungkook's legs and to the floor.

Jungkook fucks him through the aftershocks, chasing his own release and finding it the moment Taehyung licks a stripe up his neck and shoves his whole weight against his throbbing cock. He does just as Taehyung asked for; coming a bit inside him, relishing in the way his cum dribbles over his beautiful thighs before he lets the older go of him for him to get on his knees in a hurry, mouth open as Jungkook shoots the rest of his load towards his waiting face.

He licks at the cum while looking at Jungkook straight in the eye, pink tongue running over his cum stained lips and fingers reaching to smear the cum on his cheeks over his tongue, sucking on his thumb and his wet fingertips eagerly. His eyes look almost innocent as he does so, too, and Jungkook stares in awe for it's one of the hottest and most beautiful things he's ever seen.

"Fuck. You're gonna kill me one of these days," he whispers, helping him back up with a tired smile and sweet eyes.

"Ditto," is all Taehyung replies as he squeezes his hand and walks them to the bathroom to clean up, the younger's light laughter following right behind.

Taehyung eats sushi as if he were having an orgasm with each piece that touches his tongue. He shuts his eyes, moans shamelessly and swallows soundly. At the third time in a row, Jungkook drops his chopsticks in frustration and stares at him with an unimpressed look.

"You're doing it on purpose," he states. It doesn't help that Taehyung is wearing one of Jungkook's button-ups. It's white, almost transparent as it hangs loose and oversized on his body. He's sitting cross-legged on the couch, his thighs barely covered by the shirt, his hair still wet from the shower he just had.

"Doing what?" the other asks, innocently after taking a sip of his chinese soda.

Jungkook waves his hand lazily in the air, trying to encompass the way his boyfriend is teasing him.

"That...those, those damn sounds."

"Wow, I can't even eat and you're already thinking such nasty things....wow. I got feelings, too, you know?" Taehyung asks, dramatically shaking his head in a way that makes little drops of water fall on Jungkook's lap. He winces as he wipes them off, though it's probably his fault for sitting so close to Taehyung in the first place (not that he'd move).

The younger rolls his eyes at his words. "If you wanna have sex again, just say it."

Taehyung pops yet another piece of sushi in his mouth, chewing quietly while looking at him. Right after he swallows, he places a hand on his chest, exaggeratedly batting his lashes in a charming way before saying, "Thought you'd never ask."

It's two hours later that they find themselves watching tv. Jungkook reads his phone and realizes it's four a.m and he's not even tired. How could he, when Taehyung is literally resting his head on his lap while they watch an awful variety show? Tae replies to each question the contestants have to answer to and gives out a little yell of victory when he gets them right. Jungkook smiles at the sight when Taehyung turns around to look up at him with a grin.

"I should go and participate. I'd be great---wait, are you even watching it? We can watch something else if you want..." he says, already going for the remote at his left. Jungkook shakes his head and Taehyung frowns in return, curious as to why his boyfriend is staring at him so tenderly, as if he wanted to say something important.

He waits, and after a few seconds Jungkook finally speaks up.

"I love you. So much. You know that, right?"

The older blushes slightly.

"Of course I do. You say it all the time," Taehyung says with an eye roll that has Jungkook sulking like an offended child. He laughs at his adorable expression and leans to drop a quick kiss on his nose. "I love you too, boo."

Jungkook raises his eyebrows and shakes his head at him with a grimace. "Boo? What the fuck?"

"It's cute!" Taehyung argues, sitting up on the sofa.

"Do not call me boo. Ever."

The older huffs before a small smile paints his lips. "Well now you know I gotta, right?"

"Funny."

"I am not laughing, though," he shrugs and right before Jungkook gets another word out, his eyes find something thrown on the floor and he smirks. "Also, nice leather jacket you had on."

Jungkook looks at him, unfazed, the sound of the tv like background noise to their late night conversation. "Thank you. I hope my boyfriend doesn't burn this one. He has a weird temper, you know?"

"Well he's probably got his reasons. I bet you used to put him in handcuffs and pretend you lost the key," he replies without missing a beat, eyes narrowing as the memory resurfaces.

Jungkook laughs at that.

"Wow, I'd almost forgotten about that. That was fun, " he replies, eyebrows raising and falling suggestively. Taehyung snorts.

"No, that was mean. You were mean," he states, poking his chest with a finger.

Jungkook huffs at his words, holding his boyfriend's wrist to hold him close against him again. "As if you weren't."

"I wasn't. I was lovely, just like I still am," he smiles, dazzling and beautiful, his hair looking almost golden in its disarray.

"That, you are," he smiles right back at him, eyes crinkling at the corners as he sets a chaste kiss against Taehyung's collarbones. He feels a bit of pride at the many hickeys all over his skin.

They turn off the tv after that, though they stay in the same position, both in silence... and it feels so comfortable that Taehyung is scared . He feels Jungkook playing with his hair while humming to an old song, wonders what the younger may be thinking about. He knows what he is thinking about; that little voice at the back of his head is whispering that this is all a bit too good to be true. Jungkook is too good to be true. And Taehyung loves him so dearly, so very, very dearly and he's been doing great . It's only been over a few days and yes, Jungkook's mom did call a few times (but after Jungkook replied to the first one and got yelled at, he decided to decline the rest, at least for a while). But he's doing fine, far better than he expected, all things considered. They both are, even though Taehyung feels a bit odd working at the company of such an awful man. And yet Jungkook reminds him every time that Namjoon will be taking charge soon and they both know there's no better man for the job.

He's still undeniably scared, wonders if Jungkook feels panicky at all, too. Because Taehyung isn't sure what he'll do if he loses this boy right here who holds him as if he were precious, who kisses him passionately....this boy who is his ultimate it .

"Do you think it'll ever pass?" he voices out after a moment, voice as hushed as it was back in the library. Jungkook frowns at him, a bit confused, and so he adds, "The honeymoon phase?"

The younger cracks a bit of a smile then, thumb caressing his cheek earnestly.

He doesn't shake his head no, but what he replies is even better for Taehyung's frightened heart.

"There's no way I'll ever want to let you go," he says, and he says this so honestly, so very truthful to his own words that Taehyung finds himself not only believing him but also agreeing . No matter what comes their way, how could he ever want to let him go? They already wasted so much time closing their eyes to the truth behind their arrangement, that he can't quite imagine a world in where he makes the same stupid mistake twice.

And yet, what if it's something beyond their power that separates them?

"But what if it's not us, what if someone or something else gets in between us?" he asks, unable to remain quiet, and Jungkook frowns again, this time his eyes hardening at the idea. He purses his lips.

"Tae, why are you so scared?" he murmurs, and Taehyung feels like the biggest, most annoying idiot of all. He should just shut up.

"I'm sorry. I'm ruining the mood."

Jungkook rushes to shake his head, his hands comfortably stroking Taehyung's neck. The smooth touch relaxes him slightly.

"You're not, it's just---I hate that you feel that way," he explains, eyes sad and Taehyung hates that he did that. This is supposed to be a fun date, not a depressing one. But then again, he has to talk to him about these things, too, even if they aren't all that pretty.

He shrugs a bit, resting his head against the other's chest instead of his lap, arm curling around his strong waist, the soft fabric of his cotton shirt rubbing over his hands. "I just have to get used to....this. To being happy with you."

Jungkook is smiling when Tae looks up at him.

"It won't take too much. I already don't know what I'd do without you," Jungkook chuckles and Taehyung is about to agree, to say that the idea of being without him seems bizarre now that he's had a taste of how much better things could be with him, but the younger is already talking again, "And...whatever comes our way, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay? Don't worry about things you don't even know anything about yet."

Taehyung breathes his perfume in and sighs, content, his words relaxing him almost as much as his touch. He knows Jungkook is right, it's just sometimes it gets a bit hard to ignore the scary idea of things going wrong. But if he spends too much time focused on them, how is he supposed to enjoy this?

"Yeah, I know. You're right," he admits before adding a quick, "I love you," because he does.

Jungkook tightens his hold on his back and sighs as well before replying, "Me too."

And Taehyung loves that he says it even though they both already know.

He feels he can breathe a little better as he peacefully shuts his eyes, ready to drift off to sleep.

Chapter Eighteen: Epilogue

Taehyung tightens his hold on his tie, tilting his head to the side against the reflection on the mirror. He smiles. It's probably the fifth tie he's tried in a row, and he is starting to worry about this becoming a bit of a pattern; he getting nervous about every single thing in his life that involves Jungkook one way or another. But he can't help himself, after all, his boyfriend is fucking finally getting published. This is big, huge . He can't be prouder, he can't be happier. This is everything Jungkook has been working for during the last two years. And he got lucky, or at least that's what he says whenever people ask him about his book. 'I got lucky, ran into an amazing agent in the middle of the street.' And yeah, maybe that was luck but the fact that the guy looked over Jungkook's writings and absolutely loved them, wasn't. He'd been discouraged by then, after being told no so many times, he really thought he should give up. But he didn't because he believed in himself and his words and his passion and this happened and now Jungkook is proving everyone wrong.

"Are you ready to leave yet?" Jimin asks from downstairs. Taehyung can overhear his discussion with Yoongi as they both fight over the stupid swear jar. Jimin had thought it'd be an awesome idea to get one since Yoongi couldn't stop swearing every time he opened his mouth. And of course, Yoongi being the stubborn guy he was, accepted the challenge under the idea that Jimin himself would lose more money than him. Turns out the jar was filled the next time Taehyung went over to visit them and they both refused to talk about it when asked. So it's really no surprise they're fighting over it yet again.

"In a minute!" he answers as he nods approvingly at his reflection before hesitating, shaking his head and throwing the tie away, leaving only the pristine white button-down shirt. After applying some cologne and a bit of gloss to his lips, he walks down the stairs and finds Jimin holding the swear jar like a trophy, arm raised into the air and chin pointing to the sky. Meanwhile, Yoongi is looking even more like a toddler as he tries to reach said jar standing on his tiptoes. "Well, this is sad," he comments, leaning against the wall with his eyebrows raised.

"I want my money back!" Yoongi is saying, pathetically straining his entire body into an awkward position to get to the precious object. To no avail, of course.

"This is more mine than it is yours!"

"Oh, so you admit defeat, then?" the older smirks, dropping his arm to cross it in front of his chest instead, smugly.

"Are you kidding me? I kept paying because you wouldn't!" Jimin accuses and Yoongi stares at Taehyung's surprised expression out of the corner of his eye as he thinks of a reply; quickly his face morphs into one of victory as a light bulb seems to lighten up in his head.

"You were the one who suggested turning the swear jar into a sex jar," he says with a devilish glint to his dark eyes.

"Woah, what?" Taehyung asks, arms raised in confusion, palms up defensively. He isn't sure if he really wants to know what's going on between his friends any longer but his curiosity is an itch dying to be scratched.

Jimin turns towards him then, eyes wide and hands tightening as if he hadn't noticed him there before (even though he was the one to call for him in the first place). He lowers the jar but just barely, aware of Yoongi still eyeing the bills. "Oh, Tae. You ready to leave?"

"Yeah...what is a sex jar, though?" he inquiries, unable to help himself.

His best friend giggles fakely, waving a hand carelessly in his direction as he hugs his blazer around his frame and holds the jar against his chest like a treasure. "Just Yoongi saying stupid ass shit."

Yoongi points at him desperately, eyebrows hiding behind his fringe. "See?! You swear all the time!"

Jimin glares at him as he replies through gritted teeth, "Shut up."

"Um, okay. Let's–yeah, let's go. Jungkook is waiting for me. I mean, us," Taehyung quickly corrects himself although they all know the person he wants to have with him the most in such an important moment is him.

"Let's go," Jimin nods in agreement with a small smile as he grabs his phone and walks towards the door. Yoongi stares at him in disbelief, hands balled into fists. Taehyung stares at them from over his shoulder, hand already at the knob as he asks himself if he could make a run for it without them noticing. Probably.

"You're not taking the jar, are you?" Yoongi asks him, eyes narrowed in suspicion. Jimin huffs in retaliation, and Tae thinks that if he had long hair, he would probably have flipped it by now. His best friend is the baddest bitch.

"Watch me, Min Yoongi. Watch me," is all he says, making his boyfriend gulp as Taehyung opens the door for Jimin to walk through. He laughs at his dramatic, movie-like exit. Yoongi walks right after them after a brief pause, murmuring under his breath about fucking Park Jimin and how he will see once they're back at their apartment.

Taehyung continues wondering what the hell is a sex jar all the way to their destination.

Jungkook's hands are shaking. He feels so dumb, so weak as he holds probably one of the most precious things he's ever held in his hands. It has his name. Right there on the cover, in bold letters, his fucking name (well, not his name per se considering how he had to use a pseudonym not to be related to his father's company but still). It's unreal, surreal, fucking crazy, insane–he holds the book gently, as if it were Taehyung himself. The spine is thick, filled with pages with his words on them, the words he chose, the words he put together after months of hard work. It's all paying off. He wants to scream fucking finally into the air. He can't believe he's standing right here, in one of Seoul's biggest libraries, the place he showed Taehyung in their first official date, his goddamn happy place, holding his book. It's not even hidden away like he feared it would be but rather in the new releases section. Standing tall and pretty with the cover he didn't choose, but well, he doesn't mind. He reads the title, 'In all our cracked perfection' and sighs.

"I'm so proud of you," Namjoon says as he wraps an arm around his neck, rubbing a fist over his head like he used to do when he was a kid. He laughs it off, shoving him in the chest.

"Thank you," he smiles, chuckling when he sees Jin and Hoseok taking turns to take pictures with the book, making funny faces to the camera and hurrying to publish them on their social media. It's funny how close those two got after spending some time together every time the seven of them would meet up. They bonded as they both complained about having to endure Taehyung's and Jungkook's childish tantrums as they figured out their feelings and man up enough to actually do something about them. But Jungkook thinks it makes sense, both have that genuine, optimistic vibe and are like the glue of the group; without them, none of them would make sense together.

"Okay, hashtags. Talk to me. I'm thinking...#newbook #release," Hoseok says, leaning against Jin's arm naturally, as if he belonged there, and looking quite professional behind his black sunglasses (although they don't make much sense now that they're indoors).

"Please. Think big, Hobi. #Breakthrough #NewAuthor...um, what else...#Whipped!" he replies with a bright smile, pointing at Jungkook and jumping a bit on the soles of his feet as if he has just discovered the cure to cancer. The younger stares at him with an offended frown.

"Hey, I thought you guys were trying to promote the book, not me. Also, I'm so not whipped."

"You come with the book. And...yes, you are," Hoseok points out with a purse of his lips that twitches into a soft smile. Jungkook is just about to retort in an attempt to recover his dignity, or at least whatever is left of it, until a deep voice interrupts him before the words even make it past his lips.

"Fuck, Kookie...it's so beautiful," he hears Taehyung's voice suddenly say from somewhere behind him. He turns around so abruptly that his neck almost cracks. He hears Jin murmur a ' Not whipped my ass' but he doesn't care enough to pay him any attention whatsoever. He sees his boyfriend standing there looking beautiful as always, hands to his chest in pride, eyes a bit wet with emotion. He sees Yoongi and Jimin approaching them as well, quickly saying hi to everyone. Jungkook wonders why Jimin is holding a jar filled with money but shrugs it off.

"Hey, baby," he smiles at the older, quickly wrapping him in his arms and kissing the top of his head. Taehyung returns the hug instantly and Jungkook sighs against his comforting, light and familiar weight. He's still holding his book in between them and laughs when the hug becomes uncomfortable with the object being squeezed against their chests.

"Well, let me see! I need to see, god I can't believe you wouldn't show me until now," he tells Jungkook, hitting him playfully in the shoulder with the book. He didn't show him the final copy, yeah, but he did share every word inside the book with him; he's his muse after all. Maybe not all of the poems are about Taehyung, since he isn't his only inspiration, but he is his favorite. He is the shadow of every letter of every word, and he wouldn't have any other way.

"Ouch, don't use my book against me."

"Too late. Now, let's see..." Taehyung says, excitedly flipping through the pages, bringing the book to his nose and smelling the fresh perfume of a newly printed book. Jungkook smiles at him, still holding him close by the waist. He's nervous, his cheeks flushed a pretty pink because Taehyung is slowly approaching the index and that means he's closer to the dedications page and god, he hopes he likes it. He sees Namjoon send him a comforting smile as he leans against the shelf behind him, Jin giggling at his side as he waits for Taehyung's reaction. People walk through the library, unaware of the seven young men acting like absurd fangirls.

"Oh my god...that's so cute! Yoongi, do more cute stuff like this for me," Jimin complains as he flips through another copy of the book, apparently already having read over the dedications.

"What is cute?" Taehyung asks, a confusing frown on his forehead, but before his friend can bring himself to reply, the older finally reaches the second page of the book. His eyes widen instantly, and it would probably make Jungkook laugh if he wasn't so nervous. His lower lip wavers as his hold in the book tightens, knuckles turning a bit white as his eyes re-read the words over and over again. "Oh god...Kookie," he whispers, finally looking back at him, eyes full of tears.

"I–do you like it?" he inquiries, trying hard to conceal the hesitation behind his words but probably failing.

"If I like it? This is literally the most romantic thing I've ever—" he shakes his head, unable to finish the sentence before he chuckles and adds, "Well, not the most. It's hard to compete against this," he admits with a choked laugh as he holds his right hand up, the one with the bright, shiny ring in his finger. That was only a few months ago, the day Jungkook finally got the balls to propose to Taehyung and almost shit himself in the process. As if he'd say anything but yes, he remembers Jimin commenting the moment they returned to their apartment with a squealing Taehyung and a very lovestruck Jungkook. "But...this is incredible, thank you. I love it," his boyfriend is saying now, voice a bit higher than usual with emotion.

"Thank you, baby. I wouldn't have done any of this without you. You know that, right?" he asks, lips pulling into an endeared smile. Taehyung rolls his eyes, fond.

"Don't be silly. You did all of this yourself."

"I wouldn't have even tried alone. I would probably still be in my dad's awful company," he winces, the idea sending a shiver down his spine. He hasn't properly talked to his father in so long that he wonders if he still holds that title. But he does, because he is and he will always be his dad, just as his mom will continue to be his mom and they will probably continue to have their awkward, forced conversations over the phone. They may be forced but most times, it's them that call, not the other way around...and it makes Jungkook think that if they keep doing it, it must be because they care, at least a little bit.

"Still hate-fucking me?" Taehyung asks with an almost shy voice, eyes crinkled at the corners in amusement.

"Please, it was never hate-fucking," he finishes with a huff before leaning over and kissing his sweet lips. He can hear their friends complaining about how disgusting they are, and how they should save that for when they're back at their apartment but he ignores them as he continues kissing his boyfriend like it's the first time. Taehyung kisses him back just as passionately, lips parting for him and fingers playing with his hair. It's when the older pulls at the strands a bit to tilt his head and deepen the kiss that Jungkook breaks the kiss. Taehyung pouts at him, a question in his eyes. "Baby, we're in a public library. And our friends are just there," he adds with a light laugh.

"So? Can't I make out with my boyfriend?"

"Fiancé, you mean," the younger corrects him with a raised eyebrow, his eyes lowering towards the older's hand which is still holding onto his book. The ring shines between them, calling for attention.

Taehyung's smile brightens up as if the sun itself were reflecting off his lips. He tightens his hold on Jungkook's slim waist, nodding. "Yes, my beautiful fiancé. God, I love saying that."

"Then say it," Jungkook replies with a shrug and Taehyung nods, nods and nods, feels his heart warm up and fill with all of the pride, the love he has for this man in front of him who--

"Okay this is all super romantic and shit but we have reservations, you know?" Jimin speaks up from behind them, making his boyfriend nod and the rest of their friends make noises of agreement. Taehyung sends him the most awful glare as he rolls his eyes and sets the book back on its place, though, holding Jungkook's hand instead as they all walk out of the library, their laughter and voices carrying off the walls.

The restaurant is superb (Namjoon made sure to let everyone know it had five stars on yelp, to which Jin responded that the fact it had a Michelin star was way more important, but most of their friends had no idea what that meant) and their table is one of the biggest ones there are, filled with the seven loud friends who keep on cracking absurd jokes about how underdressed they are for such a fancy place. At one point, Hoseok even grabs the nice white napkin and tugs it inside his collar, putting on a pretentious expression and pretending to eat with his pinkie raised in the air. Meanwhile, Jimin explains to Jin and Jungkook the origins of the swear jar, and how he decided to name it the sex jar to add money every time Yoongi got in the mood. Which, apparently, was a lot of the time. This makes Jungkook laugh so loud that when he mocks Yoongi calling him thirsty and telling him he now had enough money to pay for everyone's dinner, the older throws his own napkin to his face. Taehyung watches it all, smiling so hard that his cheeks hurt.

It's once the food finally arrives and the two waiters leave their dishes perfectly aligned in front of them, that Namjoon announces he would like to make a toast. He stands up tall, proud, a kind smile on his face. Seokjin stares at him with endeared eyes from his left, resting his cheek on his fist and focusing all of his attention on him.

"I don't think I've ever been prouder of you, little brother, than I am right at this moment--" he begins, "which is saying something considering how although you are younger than me, you're a bit of a role model," he chuckles, a flush on his cheeks. Taehyung squeezes his boyfriend's hand, who is staring in absolute awe at his hyung. "I'm proud of you for standing up to dad and...for basically doing what you knew you wanted. For going after it, I guess. Most people don't do that, Kookie. Most people are cowards but you weren't, you took a risk. And people would be a lot happier if they followed your example," he continues, looking straight at Jungkook in the eye before raising his glass of champagne in the air, everyone imitating him with emotional eyes and sweet smiles. "And so today we celebrate dreams and not giving up. For Jungkook!"

"For Jungkook!" everyone echoes, the sound of crystal glasses clashing against each other drowning their gleeful voices.

Jungkook is quick to wrap his arms around Namjoon when everyone finally sets their glasses down, and Taehyung watches as he whispers something to him that makes the older's eyes water a bit.

And everything seems so okay that it makes Taehyung's heart squeeze inside him. The word family beats inside his chest and he feels a bit silly as his own eyes burn with unshed tears.

"Are you okay?" his fiancé asks him once he sits back down at his side, a comforting hand at his thigh. And it's like their friend's laughter and voices are suddenly white noise, all of him focusing on the man at his side. He feels so filled with love that he's scared he may blow up.

"Yeah. We all are, aren't we?" he grins, hand resting against his, and Jungkook grins back a bit out of instinct, because he can't help but doing so whenever he watches his boyfriend's beautiful, bright smile.

"Yeah, we all are," he agrees before leaning a bit against him and leaving a sweet kiss on his cheek that tastes more like a promise than anything else.

It's when they're back in their apartment that Taehyung stares once again at his own new copy of Jungkook's book and opens the second page, watching it with warm eyes.

And it reads,

To Taehyung, who gave my lips all the words they were looking for.