Author : nostalgic_type
Reviewer: ItsmeAxelle_
Chapters: 6 (including prologue)
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Reviewer's note - I am extremely sorry if any of my comments come off as harsh or anything!
First Impressions :
Cover :
Your cover looks very unprofessional. Yes, it does.
The font is good, but the arrangement of the letters is very messy, for example, the word 'if' is directly above 'he' and 'knew' is in some other alignment! The cover has the white background line visible which looks really off-putting. I strongly suggest you put in a request in any graphic shop because you really need to make a good first impression.
Title :
Well, no much complaint there!
Quite intriguing and simple, then again, nothing is perfect, you can always change it or make amends.
Blurb :
Now see, here I would definitely give you a lot of pointers.
Firstly there's an essive use of 'I did this' or 'I stepped forward', well there's nothing really drastic but you could always make it a little smooth flowing, instead of the current blurb.
AND Grammar is completely off. Readers read a book not only based on the plot or the cover or the characters. They read it if they can experience what the main lead is going through. The lack of grammar doesn't allow the reader to fully put themselves in their shoes. Some common mistakes I have noticed -
• No capitalization of the letter 'i'.
• No space after comma a (trust me crowded looking paragraphs are the last thing readers want to see)
• No space after a full stop for the new line.
• After the dialogue, there isn't a comma. After the dialogue, your line starts immediately.
This was all in the blurb. But other than that, your blurb was very nicely written and I loved the idea of cutting a piece of the story and that too a really nicely written one.
Writing technicalities and grammar:
Alright so, here there are lots to say.
The thing is, your plot, character building, describing places, getting into the skin of the character is so very nice! I could feel everything so well!
But.
Your grammar spoilt everything for me. Like no kidding, it's really an aspect you have to work very hard on!
Some mistakes (throughout the entire 6 chapters) -
• No capitalisation of 'I' anywhere between the lines.
• One paragraph had only one loooooooooooong ( you get the idea) sentence. You can easily edit it to make it flow smoothly and make it better! You have immense talent!
• Dialogues didn't start with a capitalised letter at times, even if they were, there was no comma after the ".
Te dialogues were very very crowded.
• Same goes for your descriptions as well (so lovely they are, I must add.).
It is very congested. Commas don't have spaces, the sentences are very close to each other.
• Inappropriate spacing between lines, sometimes it's at unnecessary places, sometimes where it is required, it's not added.
• TYPOS
I strongly suggest you hire an editor or use Grammarly Keyboard! Trust me this is really useful, it immediately detects your faults to the T!
The chapters were of perfect length, although the names of the chapters, nope. Not doing it. I think you should add at least Part 1, Part 2 etc. But that is again your creative call.
These problems are quite fixable and just need like 4-5 editing sessions or hire someone, can be easily fixed because everything else is quite beautiful!
Plot and story pace:
Damn.
Until now whatever I have read, I am liking it so much! I really like how you started your book with a prologue where the main legit dies😂 (or maybe not).
And then the plotline of her Aplastic Anaemia and her background, to the way she meets the Bad boy.
I am really liking all the different elements creative wise!
The pace is good, I would actually suggest you make it a little slower, as in from the scene where she meets Alessandro, I felt from then on, there was a slight acceleration but you don't have to change it if you don't feel it is, you could have introduced Alessandro a little better too!
Just a little more finesse in those areas!
Characters :
Again, blew me. Well, as you very well know, Bad boy cliches are literally 75% of Wattpad, it all depends on you on how you can twist this story into that of more interest!
I can definitely see Sofia and Alessandro's entire persona the way you want us to, but again due to the grammar, I was quite put off, making it really hard for me to read properly.
I loved the way you are aware that Sofia is quite guarded and how surprised she was at her smile for Isabella, the way Alessandro was insulting her, the way she blew up in class during that little question-answer thing, everything made me feel really connected to Sofia and the surroundings which are really awesome!
I love love love lovedd the way you described how much the Forest means to Sofia, it's so beautiful to able to envision her seeking solace there!
Writing style and structure:
I am in so awe at your writing style!
The main reason why is maybe because you almost make them (descriptions) sound like poems😁
They were very poetically written and I love how your chapters almost have this perfect word count! Like I never felt the chapter was too short or too long, everything is set right into place!
I would just ask you to polish the book a little, a little more finesse, details, it really counts!
Final words:
Fan. Seriously.
I totally am excited about how the book will progress!
Sofia has touched my heart, and her story is one that needs to be told, re-told and again! Fantastic storytelling!
Although I would ask you to reflect on my advice about grammar!
Trust me, your book is going to be huge!
Great stuff!
Your customised quote:
PM me If you need the better version of this sticker!
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Here was your review!
Hope you liked it and found it helpful!
Signing off,
Axelle.🐧