Author : NBANDIT
Reviewer : ItsmeAxelle_
Chapters reviewed: 7 (including casting)
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Jeez. Why doesn't this book have millions reading it? Its basically perfect. Yeah that's my review. Bye.
Okay no lol I have some things to say😁
Coming back to my question, 'Why doesn't this book have a million reads?'
The answer is simple : Your book is gold. But its in a mud pot. Simply put, your first impressions don't stand out!
Cover :
So basically, I liked the picture of the blood red lips but the font, it is way too common and looks kind of dull against such a heavy picture! So I think a font with swirls or something more thick would really stand out in the cover! And also, your name could have been shifted down, and it wasn't really noticed so I strongly suggest you edit it a little!
Blurb :
Perfect. Not one fault. Amazing work!
Title:
Its brilliant, I mean most people would just term it 'Forbidden Love' and leave it like that. But choosing 'Forbidden Act' is really awesome!
It literally hooks readers from the word Go!
Writing technicalities:
Are you like a secret vampire in disguise? I mean you describe them so well, it seems so damn effortless!
Woah! Literally no fault in your pace, grammar, use of words (I was in awe at your vocabulary!), timing of characters entering the room( I laughed so hard at that😂😂) and your dialogues are written so nicely!
No typos except for like 2 out of 5000.
I've anyway mentioned those in the comments!
So full marks on story format!
Character development:
I love Jasmine. Period.
I was really so impressed with the way you described all the characters! I mean, from all the quirks and different traits they have, to the way they all speak and converse, its all a very amazingly structured world!
Now for the part where you went wrong:
Yup that's possible.
So the book, story, plot, backstory everything is marvelous!
But, but, but, but.
The arrangement of the book.
The thing is, you have gifs of characters in between the chapters rather than at the end of the chapters.
While it may look cool, it kind of doesn't make the book the theme you want it to, its kind of like a little playful and loose, while your book has so many serious and heavy stories intertwined! And also, it doesn't really look professional!
So I suggest you put in all the gifs at the end of the chapter where you put in your author notes too!
Next, the first chapter which to me, could have been done up as the prologue instead.
Because you don't have the MC talking to any character, only like a brief through Annie Wannie's eyes, so you can make the prologue without any notes at the beginning!
The second chapter's - "That is what I dream.." could have been the ending line for the first chapter. It didn't really sit well when in the next scene itself you have Jasmine jumping on Anastasia like that ☺
You know, if you talk to the readers at the start of every chapter, people tend to skip it, so you don't have to add notes at the beginning everytime.
Instead, save everything you want to say and add it at the end.
So the main edits are just the notes at the beginning to the end instead.
And the change of the first chapter to prologue.
Because if the first chapter starts with the MC being woken up by Jaz like that, I am telling you, it's a sure shot winner!
Also, I applaud your decision of cutting a 6000 word chapter into 4😁
Chapter 3 and 4 ~ Alright, so you have a chapter for characters after 6 chapters, as chapter 7.
Nope.
You can't have characters coming in right between the book!
So you gotta take off the gifs from the 3rd and 4th chapters, add them into the character chapter and shift the entire thing to the STARTING of the book!
The thing is, if you divide your book into letting the reader visualize characters (your actual story) and into your own vision (the character chapter) , it will be more organized and well arranged rather than having characters gif themselves between the books or having character aesthetics after we read 6 parts already.
Chapter 5,6,7 ~ Perfectly written, god I love this book already!
Title reference was brilliant😂😂
Also, you had Damon Salvatore as one of the males, INSTANT BAIT😂
Final words:
Oh my! I think the only reason why you don't have like million reads is because you're new, that's literally it!
Your book is crazy good, you have that natural flair of a writer and everything literally seams together so well!
From pacing, to backstory to characters, I see this becoming a series and getting featured in innumerable awards and lists!
Great job done on this book!
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Here was your review!
Hope you found it helpful!
Also, I have a sudden affection towards vampires🤭
Singing of
Axelle.🐧