"What? How can I not be real?" Ash asks laughing slightly.
I get up hastily,"Ash! How did you come inside? Did you break in?"
"Whoa, what do you think of me? Paulina let me in, she is downstairs," he says giving a amused smile.
I frown and look at the clock. It reads 5:30, Lina must be home.
Ash holds my cheek, making me look at him,"Why didn't you give me a simple text that you were sick. I was so worried when you didn't text me back or call me. I rushed here as soon as school got over."
"I'm sorry. It didn't cross my mind and I forgot to check my phone." I reply gloomingly.
He smiles,"It's alright. Now that I know you're okay, it doesn't matter. But please from next time just text me, I get too anxious."
He leans in to kiss me but I pull back,"I'm sick, remember?" actually it's just my nasty breath,"I'll just be back, wait here."
He pouts but complies and settles on the bed. I run towards the bathroom and quickly do my business. I brush my teeth to get rid of my weird breath. I am wearing a white tee, which I had since I was fourteen and black sweats. My hair is a chaos, so I tie them in a bun. I take a look at me one last time and step towards my room.
I should be worried about Ash being here but I'm not. I know there's a huge risk of him running into Percy or someone else and find out the truth. But I don't care about anything, I missed him and I'm really happy to see him after what happened yesterday. I'm sure Lina wouldn't have let him come inside if there was a threat.
I step into the room and see Ash sprawled across my bed, scrolling through his phone,"Can I wear it?" I ask gesturing to the hoodie he has removed and kept beside him.
He looks up and shrugs,"Of course, you don't have to ask."
I smile and pick it up from the bed. I pull it on and say,"So.... do you have time to stay here for a while?"
He smirks,"What do you think I'm here for?"
I chuckle and pull out Lina's laptop from her drawer,"So, we watch a movie or what?"
He scoots towards the wall and I plop down beside him,"Yeah sure, although I've already planned something for tommorow."
I frown and ask,"What?"
He bites his lip nervously,"You missed the movie yesterday so.......... I decided to have a movie night at my house tommorow, with everyone. But if you don't feel well, we can cancel."
"No, no...... I'll be there. Thank you for being this thoughtfull," I say gratefully.
He grins and wraps his hand around my shoulder. I flinch as his hand touches my skin, yesterday's incident flashing before me,"What's wrong?"
I chew on my lip and mumble,"Nothing."
We settle on a horror movie, he said it is one of his favourites. My attention isn't at the movie though, my mind is constantly drifting to yesterday. I snuggle into Ash's chest, his grip getting tighter around me. I sigh and try to forget all the negative thoughts.
Focus on the present. Focus on being safe in Ash's arms. Focus on how much joy he gives you. Focus on how much he cares for you.
"Are you scared?" Ash whispers against my head teasingly.
I shake my head and continue looking at the screen. He sighs and stops the movie. I pull away and look at him. He faces me and speaks,"Tell me what's wrong. You seem distracted."
"It's nothing, probably the sickness." I shrug and look away.
He cups my cheek and makes me look at him,"Did something happen yesterday? And was it the reason you weren't at school today?"
I look down to avoid his eyes. I don't think I would be able to control myself, if I look into them long enough.
He takes my hand in his and gives it a squeez,"I want you to talk Lee, don't keep things to yourself. Please, something is bothering you, tell me what."
I pinch my eyes close to stop the tears threatening to escape. I don't want to worry him by my problems. More importantly I don't want to lie to him. He cares for me so much and all I do this fucking lie to him about everything. But I also can't tell him the truth, or can I...? But I'm too fucking scared to do that and face what's inevitable.
A pathetic sob breaks out from me and the tears finally find their escape. Ash's hands leaves mine and he engulfs me in a hug. I quickly respond and clutch my arms around his torso. I burry my face in his neck to slow down the sobs but they doesn't seem to be affected. He soothes my hair and rubs my back trying to calm me down. It does give me warmth, care, strength that I want but it also feels like a safe haven where I want to cry for hours and let all of the pent up emotions out.
He holds me for the longest time and eventually, my sobs die down. I swallow and pull away from him, looking down. I brush the tears from my face and sniffed,"I'm sorry."
"You wanna talk about it?" he asks tucking my hair behind my ear.
I bite my lip and fiddle with my fingers. I want to talk, I want to tell everything to him, I want to break this invisible wall between us, before it breaks us. I want to seek comfort from him, I want him to assure me that all will be good. I want to say so many things but I can't.
I sniffle and state,"I just miss having a family."
He caresses his thumb on my cheek and asks softly,"What happened with your parents?"
I take a huge breath and look at him,"They left me. They didn't wanted me. What was so wrong in me that they couldn't even keep me?" my voice cracks at the end.
He grabs both of my cheeks and looks me in the eye,"There was nothing wrong with you, the only thing wrong was that they were given the privilege to become your parents." He brushes away my tears,"Just remember that you are still here after everything you've been through. That proves how strong you are, and how unlucky they are to loose a daughter like you. They don't deserve your tears."
I try to keep my sobs in control,"I-I say that-that to myself every single day but there's still, this- this part in me that imagines a life with them."
He smiles sadly,"I know how you feel, there is always a second thought in our heads. But that's all that is, a thought. Don't give it the power to rule you, don't let it affect every single good thing in your life. We only have one past, we only have one present and we can only have one future Lee, don't lose the chance to have a great one."
I lift my hand to his cheek and gaze into his eyes. His hands rest on the nape of my neck,"What is it?" he whispers.
My voice comes out low and hoarse,"I don't know what I'll do if I lose you."
His lips breke out into a smile and he pulls me in his arms, leaning himself back on the bed rest,"I guess your lucky then, because you are never losing me."
I lean up and place a light kiss on his jaw,"Ash I....."love you,"Am so glad to have you in my life."
He swiftly pecks my lips and then my nose. He smiles and starts the movie again. I sigh happily and snuggle closer to him. It feels so good to talk to someone. Even though I couldn't tell everything to him, I still feel better knowing that I shared s part of me with him again. Now when I think about it, I am ready to give him everything. I want to keep no walls between us, I want to come clean. I want to share whatever I'm, before expressing my actual feelings.
I have no doubt that I'm in love with him and I trust him the most. Now is the perfect time to share the complete truth. I don't want him to wait more, he has already given me so much time. I know he is going to be shocked and maybe hurt but he will understand.
I know he will. I hope he will.
********
"You feeling better?" Lina asks from the couch.
Ash just left and I walked him to his car. I'm feeling really happy and better than this morning.
I smile and sit beside her,"Much better."
"I'm glad." She smiles and starts getting up.
My hand shoots forward and clutch her arm,"Do you have some time to talk?"
She nods and sits back down. I swallow lightly and spill everything that happened yesterday. I start from going to the tracks, then Percy finding me, then me going to Declan. What happened there and also what happned with Asher. Everything which was needed to be told. Lina's face morphs into various emotions confusion, anger, regret, sadness, but she doesn't utter a word.
"I wanted to tell you sooner but it did not feel right. It isn't fair that I come running to you everytime I'm in trouble. I don't have the right to dump my problems on you." I look up at her and sigh,"But I do feel guilty that I took that decision for you. Ash made me realise how important it is to have people who care for you, people who love you and I'm sorry that I kept this from you. I promise I will never do this, just don't be mad."
She looks away biting her lip,"I'm more hurt than mad. I know, I wouldn't have made your pain go away but I swear I would've been by your side."
I gasp and hold her hands,"God, I know you'll never walk away from me Lina. You are the only constant person in my life and you being here, right in front of me is enough to let my worries go away, don't ever doubt that. I love you please forgive me if I ever made you feel like you weren't important to me."
She sniffs slightly and pulls me in a tight hug,"I love you too." She pulls away and brushes my tears, which I don't realise are there,"Now, let's talk about the serious stuff. So, the papers Declan talked about, don't you think that's suspicious? How is your sign connected to something of his?"
I massage my temples and groan,"I have no idea and to be honest, I didn't even think about any of that. I'm just happy that I get a chance to leave all this behind. I know you are only here because of me. Once I'm out we both live somewhere else, find some new job and start over, just one more month."
She chews at her lip deep in thought,"What you are suggesting is really nice Lee, but something doesn't sit right. Aren't you a least bit curious or concerned about what are those papers? What if it is something important of your parents'? "
I lean my head on the couch and huff,"Maybe....but you know what, just forget about that for now. I've something I'm meaning to do and I need your opinion." I look at her sideways and she raises her eyebrows for me to continue,"I trust Ash a lot and just want to clear everything between us. Do you think I should tell him the truth?"
She grins widely and speaks,"If you are finally asking yourself that question, you know you should do it."
And right here is my answer.
********
I will try to upload one more chapter this week, and also keep my uploads regular.
What do you think about Lee's feelings?
Any Theories?
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-Love ❤