After explaining everything to my dad and hearing his side, I leave the room as quickly as possible. Practically running to my room, I try not to let my emotions engulf me. I feel the tears stinging my eyes as I take in a few shaky breaths to try and keep them from falling. As I approach my room, I keep my head down and avoid eye contact with everyone I pass. As soon as I'm in my bedroom, I lean against the door and can't hold it anymore. The tears that threatened are now pouring uncontrollably down my cheeks, and I slide down the door, letting the emotions take over me. I can't stop my shoulders from shaking as a quiet sob escapes my lips. Everything that's happened these past few days has taken a toll on me mentally, and now it's finally coming out. I can't help but think about my uncle and everything I found out, Mason and my family.
My father's reaction was precisely what I expected. His usually stern but gentle features were filled with anger as he processed the situation. Talking to him got increasingly hard as I explained more, and his rage grew on his face. As I spoke to my dad, my mother's crying calmed down a tiny bit, and my emotions and anxiety went into overdrive. There was so much tension and emotion thickening the air it felt as if it was hard to breathe. I loathe confrontation, mainly because I hate to disappoint. Seeing them both this way hurts my heart, especially seeing my mother cry and knowing that I'm the cause of it. As I play back the conversation, I start thinking about Justin. My stomach reeled at the thought of telling him. "God, why can't I be done with all this?" I groan, wiping my tears away.
Justin and I were a lot closer years ago when we were kids. As we got older and into our teenage years, we drifted apart. As siblings do, we grew up and developed separate lives, different passions and priorities, different friend groups, and different relationships. All of that made us grow apart because we were both focused on various things, but we're still family and talk to each other daily. I know telling him everything is going to make him upset.
When I was 12, I was deathly afraid of clowns, and Justin tried showing me that they're not that scary; most of them are normal. On the other hand, he tried taking advantage of my fear and would scare me with it. So he helped me overcome that fear, but then again, he did not.
At age fifteen, when Joey Golfens cheated on me with some girl named Janice Willers, after I found out, I came home crying. I should've known dating someone older wouldn't be a good idea; I found that out the hard way. Justin was the first person to see me when I got home, and he could tell by my face that something was wrong. He forced me to tell him why I was upset, and the next day, Justin got into a fight with Joey. Justin started the fight and confronted him, but Joe was the instigator when he went in for the first swing. The aftermath wasn't pretty; Joe ended up getting a black eye and busted lip, while Justin left unscathed. After that happened, Joseph tried saying that "the other guy" looked worse, but everyone there knew what happened. I heard that he and Janice were inseparable until their relationship fell apart. At least he got some type of reward for hurting me, but then karma took it away.
Getting off the floor, I rub my eyes as I lean against the door. My heart hurts, and I feel sick to my stomach. Why is this so fucking hard? I'm telling my lifelong best friend that I'm leaving our pack. Not to mention, I'll be leaving everyone I grew up with and replacing them with strangers. I hate feeling dramatic, but I hate two things the most: disappointing the people I love the most and significant change.
Knowing him, he's going to be mad. After all, Mason has fucked Justin over more times than I can count on one hand. I don't think he will take it harder than Mom and Dad, but maybe a little more than Madison. I've given this speech three times already, and I feel I need to rehearse it again before telling Justin. I don't understand why I didn't bring him into the room while telling our parents. I wasn't thinking right because I would've saved my breath if I had. Maybe I can just take a break and tell him tomorrow I have a few days before moving in. And I'll be able to let my emotions subside because I am mentally exhausted.
To avoid my mother, father, Justin, and Madison, I seclude myself in my room and skip dinner. Collecting my thoughts, I grab a notebook and start sketching random things. I do this occasionally when I have a lot on my mind and need to do something rather than just sit around. Another reason I didn't join them for dinner was because I didn't want to see Justin goofing off with any of his friends, knowing that I would ruin his mood later. If he saw me, he would know something was wrong. Hell, maybe it would be easier if my parents told him, and then I would just deal with the aftermath. At least I wouldn't have to be the one to repeat the words.
Shit, this is so hard.
~
I hear the clutter of a few people walking to their rooms, chatting with each other. The voices pass, and silence fills the hallway after a few doors shut. Feeling mentally and physically drained, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the peace. I've cried so much today that I can't cry anymore. My eyes feel puffy and hot, and my brain feels numb. I slowly open my eyes and become fixated on my lamp, letting my mind wander. As I zone out, a knock on my door snaps me out of it.
"Allie, I brought you dinner," my brother announces in a low voice on the other side of the door.
"I'm not hungry." I lie, hoping he'll go away. I don't think I can handle talking to him right now. Shutting my eyes tight, I pray that he actually goes away.
"Okay. But we should talk," he answers, hesitating a little. Sighing, I place my hands on my head and sit up. I know we need to talk; knowing him, he won't leave without talking to me. I take in a deep breath and walk to the door. I open the door, not making eye contact with him. My heart is aching, and I feel as if I'm about to hurl. I need this nausea to go away.
"Thanks for bringing me food," I mutter, not knowing what else to say. I turn around without looking at him and leave the door open, gesturing for Justin to follow.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him set the plate down on the dresser close to my mattress. I sit on the bed, with him sitting on the other end. I stare dully at my covers, not knowing what to do. I don't know how to start this conversation. A tear escapes my eye, and I quickly wipe it before he sees it. I turn to face him, digging my nails into the palm of my hand.
"Al, are you okay? I know lots has happened, but I've barely seen you today." He mumbles, concern written all over his face. I nod, doing my best not to let a tear slip. I move my legs so they're under me. I'm afraid if I talk, I'll start crying. "Look, Allie, are you sure you're okay? You just seem sad, and I want to make sure you're okay." Sighing, I realize that he doesn't know.
"Justin," I say, struggling to find words. My mind is a mess, and my stomach is twisting. Tears fall as I whisper, "I love you so much, J."
"I love you too." He says, concerned after seeing my tears.
I wrap my arms around him in a hug, and the tears start falling faster. He hugs me back as I start sobbing into his shirt. "I'm so sorry." I sob, unable to control it. "For-" I pause, letting the tears slide down my cheeks and choking on my words. "For everything."
"You don't have to be sorry for anything, Al." He mumbles, wiping my wet hair from my tear-stricken cheeks.
I pull away from him and stare blankly at a wall. The tears continue to fall, pouring down my cheeks and onto my shirt.
Justin's POV
"You don't have to be sorry for anything, Al," I whisper, moving her hair away from her face. I don't know why she is so upset today. I wonder if it's because something happened or she just bottled up her emotions again. I watch, confused, as she stares at the plain white wall. I never know what to do when someone is upset because I just sit there awkwardly. I'm not good with emotions, just like our dad. I continue to stare at her and notice her bloodshot eyes as if she's been crying all day. Tears are dripping off of her chin as she just stares dully into space. "What's wrong, Allison?" I ask, concerned now.
"I am so sorry." She says, pulling her hands to her face to cry into them.
"Why are you sorry?" I start getting nervous and watch as she pulls her hands away from her face and stares at them, sniffling.
"I-I'm leaving the p-pack." She stutters, still looking at her hands.
"What?" I question, shocked. I'm unsure if I heard her wrong.
"I'm leaving the p-pack," she repeats. I stare at her dumbfounded, unable to process what she said.
"Why? Where are you going?" I ask, confused. I stare at her, and her breathing is unsteady as she tries to stop herself from crying. I can't wrap my head around the idea. She's leaving? She's only 18. If she leaves, I can't protect her anymore.
She moves her eyes to meet my gaze before whispering, "I'm moving in with Mason. I didn't know how to tell you earlier." I stand up with a million things going through my head.
I place my hand on her computer chair and move so quick that it falls down. "I need to get out of here." I feel my blood getting warm as I walk out of her room. I hear a commotion in her room, knowing she will chase after me. I take a sharp turn and clench my fists as I rush down the stairs, passing everyone without glancing at them.
"Yo, dude, are you okay?" Cameron asks, and I move past him toward the back door.
"Justin!" I hear Allison yell, trying to catch up with me. Ignoring her and staring straight ahead, I open the door and slam it shut behind me without looking back. I start running deeper into the woods as soon as I'm outside. Anger is filling my blood, and once submerged in the trees, I let my rage take over and shift.
Madison's POV
Anxiety is flooding through my body as I pace my floor, back and forth between my bed and window. My window faces the woods, so if Justin were anywhere close, I would see him. It's been over an hour since Justin entered the woods, and we don't know where he's at. About 10 minutes ago, Ally's mom sent Cameron and Tyler to find him. It's not unusual for him to take this long, but with how upset he was, it's making us all worried. Justin is insanely hotheaded and can be dramatic with how angry he gets, but I'm afraid he did something stupid or is hurt out there. I shuffle over to the window, scanning the woods, but I can't see any of them.