Taekook Smuts and Drabbles

STOP MY HEART

Chapter: 16

That day had been the first time Taehyung had to think of the company. The first time he'd given up what he wanted and loved the most, to make others satisfied. All his life leading up to that moment-- he could only fool himself into thinking that he existed in his own bubble for so long.

The day he had to let Jeongguk go had been the first time Taehyung learned what the word sacrifice meant. And since then, he'd only gotten more and more intimate with that word, the hollowness in his chest, the knee-jerk reaction he now had when faced with a decision where he had to choose between his comfort, his sanity, and the good of the company.

He lets out a shaky breath, vision burning with unshed tears, and he presses the palms of his hands to his eyes. They hadn't spoken for days since that night, and Taehyung thought he could get over it, but one look at Jeongguk today at the meeting had him spiralling down again. They'd managed to keep things civil, engaging in conversation, enough to fool Hoseok, but Taehyung had slipped out early, unable to take being in the same room as Jeongguk for too long. I feel like I'm suffocating.

Taehyung exhales sharply, walking towards the full wall window of his office, and staring out at the busy Seoul traffic below. Not a day went by when he didn't wonder what would have happened if he hadn't been such a coward. If he'd just been honest. Maybe Jeongguk would have understood. Maybe he would have understood that it had been painfully clear what Taehyung's priorities would have to be. It might not have hurt any less, but at least they would have been able to communicate.

But Jeongguk was right-- Taehyung was a coward. He couldn't tell Jeongguk back then. He couldn't have. How could he? How could he explain? Would Jeongguk understand now? Ten years later?

"You're an idiot," Taehyung whispers to himself. He wonders whether Namjoon would have have approved of a relationship now.

"Do you honestly think he'd fit into this world? If the media got a wind of him, they'd tear him to shreds. He wouldn't last a day in our world."

Taehyung lets out a bitter laugh. Jeon Jeongguk had merged so seamlessly into Korea's high society scene, poised, elegant, charming, intelligent, and no one could touch him. He was powerful by his own right, respected, and carried himself like he belonged among the wealthy, like he'd been born into it.

Jeongguk seemed a better fit into Taehyung's world than Taehyung himself. Especially with what had happened two nights ago, Jeongguk had proved how selfish, how deluded, how twisted he was, and it was a perfect fit for the high society world. Taehyung knew too many people like that. He didn't think Jeongguk could end up being one of those people who Taehyung had grown to despise the most.

In the back of his mind, he knows it's partially his fault. He'd been tactless, cruel, insensitive. Jeongguk had trusted him, and it had been more than Taehyung could bear. But he also knows that he didn't deserve to be treated like this. Ten years was a long time. It should have been enough time for them to think, to cool off, to heal.

Taehyung had accepted his role in hurting Jeongguk, and he was getting his karma, tenfold. He'd locked away his heart, his emotions, for work, for the good of the company. The only person he could ever open up to was Jeongguk. And he had been stupid to think he should bare his heart again, after everything, and expect to get out unscathed.

Taehyung is angry. He can't remember being so angry in his life. He feels tricked, used. And the worst part is that he liked it. He liked the pain, the way Jeongguk filled him up just right, took him to the edge and back, made him feel for the first time in so long because he'd had to keep his emotions at bay for years. He'd had to keep himself detached to make it hurt less.

He'd always been weaker than Namjoon. He wasn't born to lead. He gave his heart out too easily. It had taken him a long time to cut himself off, force himself not to wear his heart on his sleeve. Not to trust. But one look at Jeongguk and those years of detachment just flew out the window, and he'd just thrown himself at him.

If given the choice, he'd probably do it again in a heartbeat, and it's almost disgusting how weak he is for Jeon Jeongguk. But he won't . He won't let himself. Not unless Jeongguk got on his damn knees. Taehyung won't be pushed around like this. He won't let Jeongguk play his stupid games anymore. And he knows deep down Jeongguk isn't getting any sort of satisfaction from them either.

Taehyung likes to think he knows Jeongguk. Of course he'd changed, they both had, Jeongguk more so, but underneath all the anger and hurt and the brick walls thrown up, Jeongguk was the same person in high school-- vulnerable, lonely, hurting. Taehyung feels foolish for wanting to try to ease some of that again, and getting hurt in the process. He doesn't want to be an ass, but he won't be a doormat either.

His office phone rings suddenly, and he's jolted out of his thoughts.

"Hello?" he murmurs into the receiver.

"Dr. Jeon is here to see you," his secretary says over the line, and his blood chills. For a moment, he considers lying and telling the woman that he's busy, because the last thing he wants to do is be alone with Jeongguk right now.

"Send him in."

Taehyung can feel the nausea churning in his stomach, a sick kind of dread that weighs down his bones, and waits the few seconds it takes for Jeongguk to reach the door. He turns when he hears Jeongguk step inside, and curses himself for taking even a second to appreciate how beautiful the man is.

"Can I help you?" Taehyung asks, voice clipped, and trying very hard to keep the anxiety at bay.

Jeongguk just lets his eyes rake Taehyung's form lazily, hands in his pockets. "You left early. I had to close the meeting alone," He pauses, an icy smile on his lips. "Not that I can't do it myself, but it would have been nice to have my co-chair there with me. Not very professional, Taehyung ssi."

Taehyung doesn't want to open his mouth, for fear of what will come out if he doesn't collect his thoughts first. But Jeongguk takes the silence as guilt and continues.

"You've had a really bad track record with being professional, haven't you, Taehyung ssi? Am I making you uncomfortable? Have I done something wrong? "

"You know exactly what you did," Taehyung says, praying for his voice not to waver. He'd always been bad at personal confrontation, he was an emotional crier. He'd be damned if Jeongguk saw him cry today.

Jeongguk cocks his head to the side, smiling innocently, but there's something twisted in his eyes. "I can't recall," he shrugs. "Unless, of course, you meant a couple nights ago, when you begged me to fuck you?" Taehyung winces, heart hammering in his chest. "The way I see it, I was just giving you what you wanted. You've always been very good at getting what you want, haven't you?"

Taehyung's vision blurs red, frustration and anger boiling in his blood, and he hears the slap before he feels it, his fingertips burning hot where they had met with Jeongguk's cheek, and the regret punches the air from his throat, but he won't apologize. He has a lot of things to be sorry for, but this is not one of them. Jeongguk's head is turned with the force of the slap, but he keeps his face flat and he flexes his jaw as he turns his head back towards Taehyung, eyes flashing.

"Want? You think I always get what I want?" Taehyung asks, skin burning as tears blur the edges of his vision. He feels like he's going to be sick, but he needs to get the words out while they're on the tip of his tongue. He needs Jeongguk to listen . Jeongguk opens his mouth to retort, but Taehyung cuts him off.

"Shut your fucking mouth Jeon Jeongguk or I swear to god I'll shut it for you," Taehyung hisses, anger boiling white hot under his skin, and he's beyond the point of censoring himself. "You've fucking made your feelings clear so just shut up for once and let me fucking talk, alright?" Jeongguk opens his mouth in shock, but closes it when he realizes Taehyung is serious.

"Do you honestly think my life has been some fucking walk in the park?" Jeongguk meets his gaze evenly, but there's something else there, behind the ice. "I've lost people too, Jeongguk. You're not the only person in this fucking world who's lost someone!"

The words feel like a torrent of emotion, rushing out, and he can't quite control what he's saying. "I've spent my whole life wondering who I can trust. Who cares about me for me, and not for my money. And you know what? Most of the time it doesn't even fucking matter. Because most of the people in my life only care about what's in my bank account, but I have to sit there and smile and laugh with them anyways." Taehyung lets out a bitter laugh, eyes stinging and throat raw.

"It's really funny, you know? I don't matter. These people see right through me, right into company stocks, the company profits, mergers, the business. I'm just a figurehead to them, easily replaceable. Doesn't matter to them whether I'm in this office or out on the streets because it's the company that matters." He rubs at the tears streaming down his cheeks roughly with the back of his hand, pain pulsing in his chest.

"You know what's just as bad as being completely alone? Being surrounded by people who don't give a shit about you, being alone in a room full of people who pretend they're your friends. Smiling and pretending that you're not weak, that you're not tired . That you're not all alone and hurting inside. Do you know how much that makes you want to hate people? How much I despise practically everyone I know, but I have to keep smiling and pretending everything is okay?"

The sobs wrench themselves from Taehyung's throat. "My whole life is a fucking lie, Jeongguk. I've never been able to stop and think about my feelings or what I want for the last ten years because they don't matter! I don't matter! The company does. No one gives a shit about me.

"My parents? Dead. My brother? Fucking dead , Jeongguk. The only people I could ever think to trust, who genuinely care about me--" The truth of the situation hits him full force then, and he has to stop for a moment just to breathe. "I trusted you, Jeongguk. You're the only person I ever let in like that. The only person I've ever really loved like that. And I thought..." Taehyung exhales shakily, raking a hand through his hair and trying to gather his words.

"Out of all the fucking people I've met in my life, I've only ever known a few truly genuine people. I don't trust people because they don't care enough to show me the same treatment! You were one of those people I trusted. I've never been able to show anyone my real feelings, how much I'm always hurting inside, but I wanted to show you. I wanted to let you in, and I know I fucked up before but I wanted to try again, but it's just really shitty right now because I'm trying to be vulnerable for the first time in a long time but you're just spitting it all back in my face!

"I thought we could have a chance. I could just not give a fuck about you, you know? I could totally ignore everything and just not give a shit about you and your're feelings, but that's not what I want to do! I wanted to fix things, explain. Apologize to you! Because I care about you! But you won't let me. You obviously don't care about me. You make it so damn difficult," He looks up at the ceiling, trying to furiously blink away the tears, and he lets out a strangled laugh, completely fed up and drained.

"You've made your point, Jeongguk! I fucking get it! You're hurt, I'm sorry! But I'm not playing this sick fucking game with you anymore, I'm just fucking not! I'm not gonna let you walk all over me, so if you think I'm just gonna sit around and let you treat me this way, you can go fuck yourself. I hate you, I fucking hate what you've become and I'm not dealing with it anymore!"

The fury burns white hot in Taehyung's veins, and his stomach churns. He knows he's going to be sick when this is all over, but he can't bring himself to regret the things he'd said. He doesn't want to even look at Jeongguk, but he wants to gauge how he's feeling. He'd been uncharacteristically silent this whole time, and Taehyung doesn't know whether he wants to hear what's going through Jeongguk's mind at this moment.

"It's always been about you though, hasn't it?" Jeongguk says, voice detached, but some of the bitterness slips through the cracks in his voice. Taehyung narrows his eyes at him, chest heaving because he can't quite breathe. "Always."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Even when you think it doesn't, the world always revolves around you. You think you've been through shit? Have you even stopped to consider what I've gone through? Not just the shit you pulled, but everything else?" For the second time, Taehyung sees Jeongguk angry. The ice had given way to the fire.

"Sojin died that day, Taehyung! The only two people who I cared about, the two people I thought cared about me, I lost. On the same fucking day. That morning, at school, I was trying to find you because I just wanted you to tell me that everything would be okay. But then everything went to shit instead. Do you really know what that's like? "

Taehyung winces, because this isn't just anger. There's a silent plea in his voice, a clawing desperation, and his throat constricts. "H-how could I have known that, Jeongguk?" He won't let himself feel guilty for this, he's spent enough time taking the blame for things he didn't do.

"You couldn't possibly have known!" Jeongguk yells, throwing his hands up in frustration. "How could you? You're so fucking self-centered, you couldn't have known unless it hit you in the fucking face . Do you know how many times I wanted to die? How many times I've tried? And the worst part was knowing no one would care if I did. I have absolutely no one , Taehyung.

"You think you could come back from something like that and be in one piece? You think you'd be quite right in the fucking mind after life fucked you over so many times you can't tell up from down?"

Jeongguk is visibly trembling, and Taehyung's head throbs with the sudden confession. "I loved you, Taehyung. Hell, maybe I still fucking do. Maybe I'm still in love with you. Because you're the only person so far who hasn't fucking died on me, and I'm trying to hold on." Jeongguk tugs at his hair, the strands coming loose from his usually impeccable style. He laughs, and the sound is so deranged, so livid, a shiver wracks through Taehyung's body.

"I want you to suffer so much, Taehyung. I want you to feel what I'm feeling inside, and understand, but I won't, because I wouldn't wish that kind of suffering on anyone. You think being alone in a room full of people is bad? Try being alone in a locked room all your life. At least when you speak, someone will hear you! I could fucking scream at the top of my lungs, bang on the fucking doors and no one would give a shit!"

"That's not true!" Taehyung raises his voice, and the strain of it in his ears makes him wince. He reaches his hand out on instinct, wanting to touch Jeongguk, comfort him, but Jeongguk jerks back, noticing the movement, and Taehyung brings his hand down, rejection burning in his gut like acid. "That's not true," he repeats, softer. "I'm here, Jeongguk. I'm here and I want to listen. I want to be there for you, but you have to stop this!"

"You're lying," Jeongguk hisses. "You're always lying, Taehyung! Everyone's always fucking lying, right to my face!"

"I'm not lying right now, Jeongguk, and if you'd just shut up and listen, just this once, you'd know--"

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say! I know what I'm gonna hear and it's not going to make anything better, Taehyung! My life isn't sunshine and rainbows," Jeongguk drops his head, and looks up. The vacancy in his eyes makes Taehyung stutter for breath.

"You want to know why I became a cardiac surgeon?" Taehyung stays silent, and Jeongguk continues. "Because I don't have a heart. Maybe you tore it out, maybe I did it myself. But I don't have one anymore. So I fix other people's hearts instead. I thought maybe if I did it enough, I'd feel whole again. That I'd get some sort of salvation from this living hell. But I'm still here. There's no fixing this.

"Maybe I'm lashing out because it makes me feel, you know? You're right, I'm not getting any sort of satisfaction from this, but at least it makes me feel something."

"Then you're a monster," The words slip out of Taehyung's mouth uninhibited. He can't stand to listen to any more of this. Everything in his body aches, and he just wants this to end. "You don't get your salvation because you can't be saved."

Jeongguk lets out a hollow laugh. "Probably not. So stop trying."

Chapter: 17

Jeongguk takes a deep breath. He's standing on the sidewalk, right outside the rebuilt Hyunsik Orphanage-- renamed Hyunsik Children's Home according to the cheerful sign at the front-- and if he didn't know better, he'd think he was in a different place altogether.

Gone is the dead grass and wire fencing, the peeling coats of paint, the splintered wooden planks of the patio. Now, the lawn is sprawling with bright green grass and colorful flower beds, bikes and soccer balls scattered around. There's a small vegetable garden in the corner, labelled in shaky, childlike scrawl. The entire house had undergone a renovation, the outside painted a cheerful yellow, and it seemed like the old house had been torn down completely, replaced with a building so full of warmth and vibrancy.

Jeongguk doesn't want to go inside. He doesn't want to walk the halls he'd promised himself he'd never find himself in again. He can almost hear the screaming, the crying. See the blood. He clenches his fists to keep his fingers from shaking too much.

He'd avoided any visit to the home in the last few months, afraid, and not ready to face all the memories. They haunted his dreams-- his nightmares -- for years after he'd left. They were the reason he couldn't sleep so often at night, spent hours hunched over the toilet, dry heaving until he felt like he had nothing left inside his body.

No, I'm not starting this again, Jeongguk reminds himself, trying to stamp away any feeling of an approaching panic attack. Do it for Jimin.

He'd been meaning to visit the child for a while, but had been too cowardly, but today he was determined to do his check up, and face one of his biggest fears.

A dry sob threatens at his throat when he takes a step forward, past the threshold, and makes his way slowly towards the steps. He climbs them slowly, his legs feeling like they've been weighed down by lead, but he forces himself to go forward.

The door-- painted a bright and vibrant red-- is slightly ajar, so Jeongguk opens it fully and lets himself in. He braces himself for the onslaught of the images permanently etched in his brain, and he curses himself for his photographic memory, because that means remembering the bad just as clearly as the good.

But inside the house, there's no resemblance to the interior of his childhood-- the foyer and living area are wide and open, with calm blue walls covered with children's drawings in marker and crayon. There's a massive TV in one corner, playing Cinderella, and there are five or so kids sprawled out on the many couches surrounding it, engrossed in the movie and eating popcorn, paying no attention to Jeongguk.

He gulps, remembering how the living room had always been off limits to everyone, lined with alcohol bottles and whatever drugs the ahjumma could get her hands on.

"Oh, you must be Dr. Jeon!" a cheery voice comes from behind Jeongguk, and he turns around to see a smiling woman come out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel with the scent of cinnamon trailing behind her.

"Uh... the door was open so I... let myself in," Jeongguk manages to say. There's a sting of tears burning at the back of his eyelids, because for a fleeting moment he wished it was Sojin coming out of the kitchen, smiling at him. She would have loved this, Jeongguk thinks with a jolt.

The lady clicks her tongue in annoyance. "Youngjae probably left it open, that boy always has his head in the clouds," she says, annoyed, but there's no real malice in her voice, just fondness. "You're here to see Jimin, right?"

Jeongguk just nods, not quite trusting himself to speak. "He's in the backyard, he's there with--"

"I'll go myself, I don't want to burden you," Jeongguk says quickly. He doesn't want anyone to be around if he really does have a breakdown. The woman nods, and steps back into the kitchen.

Jeongguk feels like he might need to talk himself up for a moment before going any further, because going to the back door meant walking down the hall and passing his old bedroom. Stop being so damn dramatic, Jeon, he chastises himself.

Shaking his head, he steps into the hallway. Much like everything in this house, the hall had completely changed as well. It had always been a dark and mildly terrifying walk for Jeongguk to make every day, not knowing whether the ahjumma was going pop out at any moment. He tenses, half expecting to get dragged by his hair like he used to, and it takes all his willpower to not sprint out and never look back. His body flashes hot, remembering how he'd stumbled home every day from school, bag heavy with books, shoulders heavy from taunts from his schoolmates, bruises and cuts if he wasn't so lucky.

He wishes he wasn't so weak, but the argument with Taehyung-- could he call it an argument? He'd just yelled too many things he wished he hadn't said out loud-- had left him drained, vulnerable, and feeling altogether shitty. It had never occurred to him that Taehyung could be hurt by the situation. That Jeongguk could have crossed a line, and now he doesn't know who's right and who's wrong.

But the walls in the hallway are white, strung with cardstock banners and more drawings. All the doors had been painted cheery colors, with no rhyme or reason, but it all seemed to come together in a sort of whimsical order, it felt like a real home. It felt like Taehyung.

Jeongguk pauses at the door he'd trudged himself through so many times growing up. The door had been painted a bright apple green color, and there was a sign hung on it, reading Bogum and Yugyeom's Room!!! with two little stick figure drawings in the corner, smiling and holding hands.

He lets out a shaky breath, and he resists the urge to cry. Every fiber of his being feels so relieved, almost weightless, and it's a breathtaking feeling. Jeongguk would go through hell a million times if that meant that these kids could have the life they do now. He aches for all the people who'd suffered with him, and he doesn't know where any of them are right now, but he imagines they'd be happy, if they could see this.

For a fleeting moment, Jeongguk feels happy too, and he basks in the feeling for a moment, until he hears a squealing peel of laughter echo through the hall, and he turns his attention to the back door. It sounds like Jimin, and he reminds himself to focus, since he's here on business, not a trip down memory lane.

He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and walks the rest of the way down the hall He pushes the door open and begins to say Jimin's name, only to stop in his tracks.

"TaeTae hyung!" Jimin squeals, perched on a bright yellow picnic table, while Taehyung crouches down in front of him, squishing Jimin's cheeks between his hands.

"I'm gonna make your face into a pancake," Taehyung says seriously, moving his palms around and contorting Jimin's face, much to the amusement of the little boy. "And then I'm gonna eat you."

"Don't eat me! I'm not a pancake!" he wails, and Taehyung leans forward to bite playfully at his nose as Jimin dissolves into a fit of giggles.

"Pancake Jiminie, I'm gonna eat your nose!"

Jeongguk watches, skin uncomfortably warm, as the two play around, completely unaware of his presence. He's not quite sure how to feel.

Jimin finally manages to wrench himself free, grabbing Taehyung's wrists and pulling them away. He beams, but his face drops when Taehyung winces. He brings Taehyung's wrists up to eye level, inspecting the chaffing red skin.

"Did hyungie get an owie?" he asks, voice high and thick with concern. Taehyung's face tinges a little pink as he splutters, and Jeongguk imagines he himself must look the same way, because he knows exactly how Taehyung got those marks, Jeongguk gripping him too hard when they'd fucked, and it makes the guilt stab hot in his stomach. He doesn't want to think about how Taehyung had felt around him, how he'd cried out so perfectly, about how disgusting Jeongguk felt jerking himself off in the shower, trying in vain not to cry out Taehyung's name when he came, just as the older had predicted.

"Uh... yeah," Taehyung says.

Jimin gives the marks another once-over, before beaming. "Don't worry, hyungie! Jiminie will kiss it better!" he exclaims proudly, before proceeding to litter small kisses all over the red skin, and Taehyung's face goes from bewildered to amused.

When Jimin decides he's done, he looks up, waiting for Taehyung's approval. "Do you feel better now?"

Taehyung beams at him, and Jeongguk winces. His smile hadn't changed a bit since high school, resembling something much like the shining sun, and it makes his heart lurch. He hadn't seen that smile in years. He hadn't been doing anything to give Taehyung a reason to smile anyways.

"All better!" he says in affirmation. "But you know," Taehyung drawls with a mischievous smile on his face. "Hyungie has another owie."

"Where?" Jimin asks, eyes wide and alert.

Taehyung taps his cheek. "Right here. It hurts a lot."

God, could he be more cheesy, Jeongguk bemoans. Jimin falls for it, though, kissing the skin enthusiastically.

"And here," Taehyung points to his other cheek. Jimin kisses him obediently. He taps his nose. "Also here."

Jimin leans in, then pauses, face scrunching. "Hyungie, you're lying."

Taehyung's eyes widen. "I would never."

Jimin points a finger at him accusingly. "Yes you are, yes you are! You just want all of my magic kisses!"

Taehyung breaks out into a grin and swoops Jimin into his arms. "You're right, you caught me! I want all of Jiminie's magic kisses!" he proclaims, before nipping at Jimin's cheek and blowing a raspberry there as the kid flails around in his arms, squealing with glee. Taehyung goes to swing him in his arms and turns, stopping in his tracks when he notices Jeongguk standing at the door.

Jeongguk drops his gaze, embarrassed that he'd been caught staring.

"Dr. Jeon!" Jimin screams, wiggling his way out of Taehyung's arms to run at him, latching himself onto Jeongguk's leg.

"H-hey kiddo," Jeongguk says, trying to compose himself, and Jimin raises his arms in a motion asking to be picked up. Jeongguk can't help but comply, gathering the young boy in his arms, and smiling genuinely for the first time in a while.

"Dr. Jeon," Jimin asks seriously, pressing his small hands to Jeongguk's cheeks in a fashion much like Taehyung's just moments earlier. Jeongguk makes a noise of question, unable to be annoyed that Jimin is currently squishing his face so hard his lips pucker like a fish. "Do I look like a pancake? Would you eat me?"

"Uh..." Jeongguk's eyes drift to Taehyung without thinking, and he looks just as uncomfortable as Jeongguk feels, but he just pushes the feeling aside. Jimin would definitely notice something was off. "If you were a pancake, you'd be the cutest pancake ever. And I wouldn't want to eat that."

Jimin's face breaks out into a grin, eyes disappearing from how hard he's smiling, and it makes up for how ridiculous Jeongguk feels saying the words out loud in front of Taehyung.

"Dr. Jeon, you're my favoritest person in the whole world!" Jimin cheers.

"Hey!" Taehyung says, approaching. Jeongguk gulps, not knowing what to do in this proximity, because Taehyung is so achingly beautiful, it's unfair. Everything about this situation is unfair. "I thought I was your favorite person. Traitor."

"But you both are my favoritest people!" Jimin explains. "You should get married to each other and it'll be perfect!" he squeals, eyes dancing with delight at the idea. Jeongguk's eyes widen in panic that surges through him, too quick to mask. "We can play house right now! We can have the wedding!"

"T-that's not why I'm here, Jimin," Jeongguk says quickly, because the last thing he wants is to pretend to get married to Taehyung. Jimin's face drops down into a pout. "I came to check up on you. Make sure you're staying the healthiest pancake around, yeah?"

Jimin's mood shifts back into delight. "Okay!" he chirps, and Jeongguk wants to sob in relief. He carries Jimin inside the house, into his room, and finishes the check up without a hitch, letting Jimin chatter about his new action figures, and how his TaeTae hyung got him a new snapback. Jeongguk listens attentively, nodding when necessary. When he starts to pack up, Jimin runs off, having heard Cinderella playing in the living and itching to go watch it with his friends. Jeongguk tries his best not to laugh as Jimin practically trips over himself trying to out of the room, and turns to his bag, packing up his equipment.

"How is he?"

Jeongguk turns around to see Taehyung leaning against the doorway. He's got his arms crossed, shoulders hunched a little, and he looks small and vulnerable. Much like Jeongguk feels. He doesn't know how he's supposed to talk to Taehyung anymore. He's not particularly sympathetic, but he's so tired of making constant jabs. It only leaves him drained, and there's no satisfaction in it.

"Doing better than I thought," Jeongguk says, unwinding the stethoscope from around where he'd draped it around his neck and puts it carefully in his bag. "I don't want to jinx it or anything, but he's doing really well."

Taehyung sighs in relief, and Jeongguk bites his lip. "I'm glad to hear that. Really, I just--"

"The disease isn't going to cure itself, obviously. He's still going to need surgery when he's an adult. We have to focus on prevention and reduction of any cardiac episodes that may happen in the future, so we need to keep him constantly monitored, just in case."

Taehyung gulps and nods. "I understand. I'll make sure nothing happens."

They stand there in silence for a moment, and Jeongguk is itching to leave, because he really doesn't want to be around Taehyung right now. He doesn't want to see him, or think about him. And he definitely doesn't want to consider what Taehyung had said yesterday.

"Jeongguk, about what I said--"

"I don't want to talk about it, Taehyung ssi," Jeongguk cuts him off. Taehyung frowns.

"But we need to talk about this, you can't keep running from--"

"I heard you loud and clear," Jeongguk says, forcing himself to keep his voice even and neutral.

You're a monster.

You can't be saved.

It's not like the words are some sort of epiphany, since Jeongguk had considered them, processed them, and internalized them, long before Taehyung could say them out loud. But it fucking hurt hearing them, coming out of someone else's mouth, out of Taehyung's mouth, and he just wants to ignore all of this, because then maybe he then could have some sort of peace.

"Jeongguk, can you stop being such a stubborn ass for once in your goddamn--"

"Why do you keep trying?" Jeongguk blurts out. "I told you to stop. Why don't you just fucking let it go? You said you hated me right? So act like it! Why can't you just leave me alone like everybody else?"

Jeongguk regrets the words the minute he's said them, because it's too lucid of a moment. He curses himself for being so weak, for letting all this slip. Now Taehyung knows too much.

"Do you think that'll fix anything? Do you think if I drop it, we'll both magically feel better? Cuz I can promise you we won't."

Jeongguk clenches his jaw, grinding his teeth together. Taehyung straightens up and steps closer.

"I want to apologize. For lying in front of everyone that day. I didn't lie to you, I lied to them . Because everything I told you was the truth, but everything I told them was bullshit. But I was a coward. I didn't try to explain myself to you afterwards, I was too terrified. I'd already fucked up twice, and I didn't think you'd ever forgive me a third time. I did everything wrong, and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I ever let you think none of it was real, that I didn't love you enough, that I didn't care. I still care."

Taehyung sighs, rubbing his eye with his palm in a motion of exhaustion before looking up again, meeting Jeongguk's gaze evenly. "But that's all I have to apologize for. I will take responsibility for what I did, and how it must have made you feel back then, or still feel now."

Jeongguk gulps, throat tight. He so badly wants to walk out the door, ignore the words, keep being angry and frustrated. "You think it's that simple?"

"Maybe not. But you're not letting me try and help make things better, Jeongguk. And that's on you," Taehyung sighs again, and Jeongguk notes the darkness under his eyes, the tired droop of his shoulders. "I don't expect you to forgive me. But I have to know I apologized."

He steps back, and Jeongguk lets himself breathe. "And I'd be stupid to expect that you'd apologize. But know that unless you do, I won't forgive you either."

And Jeongguk doesn't know why those last words knock the wind out of him, but they do, and he fights the nausea churning in his stomach. Maybe he'd gotten used to the idea that Taehyung would let everything go, that it wouldn't matter what Jeongguk did, because it wouldn't be as bad as what Taehyung had done. They'd be even.

But Taehyung had apologized, and that threw him off. They weren't really even.

"I have another appointment to get to, so if you'll excuse me," Jeongguk says tersely, placing the rest of his things into his bag, brushing past Taehyung and out the door.

♥︎

Jeongguk considered himself a master of avoidance. It was easier to pretend problems didn't exist, brush them off, and keep moving forward. That way he didn't have to think. He could pretend everything was okay, that his hands weren't always shaking, that there wasn't a gaping void in his chest that left him constantly heaving for breath.

Avoiding Taehyung in the beginning had been relatively easy. Avoiding Taehyung when he was less than twenty feet away from him was damn near impossible. But in a twisted way, it was better. It was better to have Taehyung close by, invading his space, and Jeongguk could lash out, and everything was safe. Because in his mind, nothing he did could be as terrible as what Taehyung had done. Everything was in his control.

But when he's alone, Taehyung invades his thoughts. And with him somewhere on the other side of the world at a business conference (no Jeongguk didn't ask, Hoseok had mentioned it in passing, Jeongguk didn't care ), it left Jeongguk to his own devices, to mull over the conversation-- the yelling match-- that they had, and what Taehyung had said. How painful everything was, how lonely he was, and how terrified that made him.

There was a thin line between love and hate, and Jeongguk is slowly starting to realize that he doesn't quite know where he stands. He had figured, after all those years, he firmly hated Taehyung with all his being. But he made it so damn hard for Jeongguk to hate him, when he was constantly trying to apologize, take the higher ground. Maybe Jeongguk never hated him at all. Maybe Jeongguk loved Taehyung so much that finding out Taehyung didn't love him back broke him, and it was easier to convince himself that he hated Taehyung, than to admit that after everything, he still cared. Because that was weakness. Jeongguk didn't need weakness. He didn't have time for it.

But he didn't want to keep torturing himself like this either. He'd heard Taehyung come home last night, the familiar beeping of the automatic lock, the rustle of a suitcase. Jeongguk physically had to hold himself down to keep from getting up and going to Taehyung's door. He wouldn't know what to say.

I'm sorry.

I'm a monster.

I don't deserve you or your forgiveness.

He doesn't know if he can bring himself to say that. Because once he does, Taehyung will be gone. There would be nothing else to say. He'd lose Taehyung all over again. But deep down inside, Jeongguk knows that's not a good enough excuse. He never really wanted to hurt Taehyung. But he had, deeply. And he had to fix it.

He couldn't understand half the things Taehyung had told him. All he knew was that he needed to apologize, at least for the things he understood and knew he was responsible for. Maybe one day, he'd understand. Or maybe Taehyung wouldn't want anything to do with him, and he'd never quite find out.

"Hey," a voice interrupts his thoughts and Jeongguk almost jolts in his seat. He looks up to see Taehyung approaching his table at the restaurant and taking the seat next to him. Immediately a waiter is at his side, filling his glass with wine. Taehyung thanks the server graciously, and Jeongguk twists the cloth napkin in his lap.

"You're early," Taehyung notes, voice subdued, but trying very hard to sound light. Jeongguk knows it's his fault. His fault for creating this mess. He's responsible for the darkness under Taehyung's eyes, the hesitant movements.

"I'm always early," Jeongguk replies quietly, not daring to look up. If he does, then he's probably going to blurt out something really stupid and botch the delicate almost-truce they'd seemed to form without even thinking.

"It's a very Jeongguk thing to do," Taehyung agrees, taking a sip of his wine.

What do you even know about me? Jeongguk thinks miserably. He wants to say this out loud but he censors himself.

"Thank you for agreeing to this, by the way," Taehyung says, voice low. About a month ago, Hoseok had approached Jeongguk, asking if he would accompany Taehyung to a meeting with one of the board members of the private company that owned Hyunsik, along with a few other children's homes in Seoul. Taehyung was trying to acquire the whole company, and wanted Jeongguk there to field any questions about his personal experience.

The last thing Jeongguk wanted to do was relive his memories growing up, but he figured it would bring to light the harsh living conditions, the negligence, and maybe, maybe , some of the kids might benefit from this.

"I know how sensitive of a subject this might be for y--"

"Hopefully I'll be of some help," Jeongguk cuts in tersely, not really wanting to talk about that with Taehyung in this moment. Taehyung purses his lips in obvious disappointment, but nods. The conversation fizzles when Taehyung turns his attention to the menu to order. They'd agreed to meet at one of the restaurants in their apartment building, and Jeongguk hopes he can slip out quickly after the meeting and just be alone at home.

The Director of Finance, Bang Sihyuk, arrives a few minutes late, much to Jeongguk's chagrin.

"It's pouring outside, you wouldn't believe the traffic," the man says, unbuttoning his coat, and they exchange introductions and handshakes before settling down to begin the meeting.

"Jeon Jeongguk, I've heard a lot about you," Sihyuk says, smiling. He's a portly man with a big smile, and narrow, shrewd eyes that contrast the rest of him.

Jeongguk's eyes widen a fraction. "Oh?" He'd been mingling with Korean high society for a few years now, but it never failed to shock him how quickly his name and reputation got around. Going from a nobody to everyone's favorite somebody was something he was still trying to get used to.

"Absolutely! You're something of a miracle in our circles," Sihyuk says, eyes focusing on the steak that's focused in front of him. "Rags to riches and all that. I figured it was all just rumors, but my eyes do not deceive me."

Jeongguk bites his lip and smiles politely, trying to ignore the slight irritation at the older man's words. "Yes, well. Not everyone can be born into money, right. Some of us have to earn it."

Sihyuk nods in jovial agreement, missing Jeongguk's jab. "Of course! The unlucky ones have to work for it, huh?" He laughs, and Jeongguk fights to keep the pleasant look plastered on his face, but he feels Taehyung tensing beside him.

"I wouldn't necessarily consider myself unlucky. I love the work that I do, and I get to help a lot of people. I wouldn't trade that for the world. And the money is just something that comes along with it," Jeongguk says, forcing himself to keep his tone light. There's a pause as the waitstaff bring in their food.

Unlucky unlucky unlucky. Was that why everyone always left him?

"I can't imagine being a doctor, truthfully," Sihyuk continues, and Jeongguk cuts into his own meat with more force than necessary. "All the brutal hours. Your life practically revolves around the patients. I can't imagine being at someone's beck and call like some sort of servant, can you, Taehyung ssi?"

Jeongguk casts Taehyung a wary look, and the older man looks the picture of serenity. Jeongguk would buy it, if not for how hard he sees Taehyung grip the fork. "Sihyuk ssi. Didn't you have a ruptured kidney last year?" he asks, voice conversational and light.

Sihyuk nods, forking mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"And if Dr. Kang hadn't dropped everything during his vacation and come do an emergency surgery, you would have died, right?"

Jeongguk can't help the way his mouth drops open in shock, and he closes it just as quickly. Sihyuk splutters from across the table, and Taehyung just smiles serenely.

"That's enough small talk though. I really wanted to get down to the details of the takeover. Is that alright with you, Sihyuk ssi?" Taehyung asks evenly, and Jeongguk finds himself both grateful and in awe of how seamlessly Taehyung had handled the conversation.

"Oh yes," Sihyuk says, wiping his mouth with his napkin, obviously grateful at the change of subject and doing a very poor job of concealing it. "Let's talk about the little monsters."

"What?" Jeongguk blurts out, unable to help himself. He can feel the anger boiling under his skin. Taehyung throws him a warning look. He clears his throat. "I just meant-- could you elaborate on that?"

Sihyuk shrugs, taking a leisurely sip of his wine, and Jeongguk fights to keep from twitching his eye in annoyance. "They're little heathens, all of them. Their parents didn't want them for a reason right? So they dropped them in our laps. And none of them turn out right."

White hot fury rushes through Jeongguk, and Taehyung throws him a worried glance.

"They all end up druggies, alcoholics, prostitutes. Nothing good ever comes of orphans," Sihyuk says dismissively. "Truthfully, Taehyung ssi, I don't know why you even bother. They're all messed up in the head."

Taehyung opens his mouth to respond, but Sihyuk continues, pointing at Jeongguk. "That's what I meant when I said you're a miracle, Jeongguk ssi. I don't know how you didn't end up on the streets." Jeongguk doesn't know either.

"Sihyuk ssi, that's hardly fair," Taehyung says, voice barely controlled. There's a visible tension in his face, and Sihyuk seems to realize this. He leans back in his chair, throwing his hands up.

"I meant it as a compliment! Jeongguk ssi has a brain, unlike most of them. Knows how to use it too," Sihyuk says, nodding to himself as though he's proud of his words. He leans forward, eyes humorous. "But let's be honest here. You can't be quite right in the head either, right Jeongguk ssi?"

Jeongguk laughs, and it lets out some of the tension. He has the sudden urge to throw something, but stays still. He can feel Taehyung watching him carefully.

"You'd be right about that, Sihyuk ssi," Jeongguk agrees, and he knows only Taehyung could ever hear the bitterness in his voice. He takes a bite of the steak, cooked to perfection, but it feels like cardboard in his mouth.

The rest of the meeting passes quickly, with Taehyung wrapping things up early. Jeongguk knows it's for his benefit, and he's grateful, and it mixes with the sickening guilt twisting his gut. The restaurant suddenly feels too small, and he keeps his eyes trained on the window, watching the rain pour on the street.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Jeongguk ssi," Sihyuk says as they all stand, and Jeongguk keeps his smile in place as he shakes the man's hand.

"Likewise," he says, the evenness of his voice not quite matching the churning in his stomach.

Taehyung watches the interaction closely, in awe of Jeongguk's calm facade. He himself is burning with anger, but he knew he had to keep calm. It was another one of those things he hated about his life, the fakeness, the veneer smiles, having to keep calm no matter what people said or did. And some people felt like they could just say and do absolutely anything and not have to deal with the consequences.

"Taehyung ssi, until we meet again," Sihyuk says, and Taehyung redirects his focus for a moment. Having to have physical contact with Sihyuk makes him feel sick, but business is business. "Hopefully the acquisition process will go smoothly from here."

For that, at least, Taehyung is glad. He remembers the night when Jeongguk had come crying to him so many years ago, curling up into him in bed and talking to him about the horrors of living in Hyunsik.

"The orphanage is owned by a private company. They don't have to follow any regulations they don't set, so there's a lot of stuff like this that happens in the system."

"Well... what if someone else bought it? Someone nice."

"That would be a dream come true. But it's not going to happen... No one cares about orphans."

He can't imagine how Jeongguk must feel right now, but he'd made it his personal responsibility to do the best he could, show that someone did care.

"Jeongguk--" Taehyung starts, and looks up, but the words die on his tongue, because Jeongguk is gone.

Chapter: 18

Taehyung bites down the bubble of panic as he whirls his head around, searching for any sign of Jeongguk, who'd been at his side just seconds ago.

He catches a glimpse of the navy blazer that Jeongguk had been wearing, and he breathes a sigh of relief as he follows after the man, walking briskly out of the restaurant and into the lobby. Taehyung calls out to him, but Jeongguk just ignores it, walking through the main doors, and-- much to Taehyung's horror-- right into the pouring rain.

Taehyung yelps, quickening his pace and bursting through the exit, ready to yell at Jeongguk to get back inside, but something makes him pause.

Jeongguk stands just a foot away from the large awning covering the entrance of the lobby doors, eyes squeezed shut, head tilted back as the rain pours over him, soaking his clothes and hair.

He looks so pained, like he's about to shatter into a million different pieces, and the only thing that's holding him together is the cold patter of the rain against his skin.

Taehyung's heart lurches, and finally-- finally-- he feels like he can see Jeongguk clearly. All the carefully hidden layers of hurt, betrayal, unadulterated sadness, coming to the surface in a moment that Taehyung wasn't supposed to see.

Vulnerability.

And Taehyung wants to wrap the man in his arms, protect him from a world that has been so cruel, and hold him. He wants Jeongguk to be happy, to know his worth as a person, but how could he show him? When the entire world was saying otherwise?

Taehyung steps up next to Jeongguk without even thinking, shivering as he himself becomes drenched, water seeping past his suit and into his very core. Whether Jeongguk acknowledges his presence is a mystery, but they stand there, together, watching the ever-busy Seoul traffic whirring past them, as the world continues to turn and life goes on, despite the tragedies and the sadness that occur around every corner.

"I thought I had gotten over it, but apparently not," Jeongguk says suddenly, breaking the silence between them. There's no sarcasm in his voice, no malice. He just speaks as though he's telling a simple truth. His eyes are trained above them, to the billboard across the street. A pair of eyes, advertising double eyelid surgery. Taehyung feels like they're being watched.

"He was way out of line," Taehyung growls, the anger still acrid on his tongue. He had been under the impression that he had surrounded himself with good people in this situation, even knowing how socialites could be. But even good people could be prejudiced, misguided. He just wishes it wasn't at the expense of hurting Jeongguk like this. But just thinking that, he knows he's the biggest hypocrite of all.

"That meeting shouldn't have gone like that. He shouldn't have said those things to you."

Jeongguk laughs, sharp and bitter. "But it's true, isn't it? About me? You said so yourself."

Taehyung's stomach churns, and his eyes sting with tears unshed, for Jeongguk, for the guilt. He wonders when the younger man had begun to internalize the self hatred like this, and Taehyung knows that he, himself, is part of the problem. He knows he'd apologized, but he still feels so incredibly sorry.

"No, it's not," Taehyung says firmly, staring straight at Jeongguk, and he wishes the younger could believe the words he's saying, but he knows they're probably falling on deaf ears. But he tries anyway. "I-I was angry when I said that back then. But you are so much more than what I or any other ignorant socialite says."

Taehyung takes a shaky breath, wondering if he should say the words that sit on the tip of his tongue. It's probably not his place. Nothing will probably help, but he has to try. "I-I think you were lying. Back then, when you said help people for salvation," He gulps, and Jeongguk stays stone still beside him. "I think you help people because you care. Because deep down you're a good person."

Jeongguk turns his head to look at Taehyung, and for once, his eyes aren't cold. He's not putting up his solid titanium walls. It's like he's trying to let Taehyung see him. See the real him, crying out for help, under the layers of snark and cold detachment.

Taehyung shivers, from the intensity or the rain, he won't know, but Jeongguk's lips twitch up into a smile. "We should get you inside before you come down with hypothermia," His voice is kind, almost like he's concerned for Taehyung's well being. Taehyung wants to believe that deep down, Jeongguk really does care about him.

So they trudge back into the building, dripping water on the shiny new tile, and ignore the odd looks the other tenants shoot them as they step into the elevator.

Taehyung stares longingly at Jeongguk, who's put himself at the opposite side of the elevator, hands stuffed into his pockets, shoulders hunched like he's trying to curl into himself. Gone is the confidence and bravado, the snark. And everything just hurts .

He turns his head away, focusing instead on the numbers flashing on the screen by the door. The air is thick and stifling, but it's not the usual angry tension. It's Taehyung wishing Jeongguk would let him help, and it's Jeongguk wanting to deny that he needs any. Like a silent battle happening in their minds, as they try to keep themselves together.

The doors slide open on their floor, and they walk in silence, shoulder to shoulder, before separating at their respective doors. Taehyung takes a deep breath, mustering up the courage to reach out before opening his mouth.

"J-Jeongguk ssi," He almost cringes, hating the formality, but he does it because Jeongguk is more comfortable that way, creating an invisible barrier between them and their feelings.

The younger man turns, eyebrows raised in expectation.

"Would you... like to come by later? For tea?" Taehyung asks, holding his breath as something flashes in Jeongguk's eyes. The younger man just shakes his head.

"Thank you for offering, but I think I just... need to be alone," Jeongguk explains, and Taehyung is floored, because in his eyes, the last thing Jeongguk needs is to be alone right now. He ignores the crushing hurt and rejection the best he can, because he knows at this point it's nothing personal. But it makes Taehyung wonder, when will he stop trying to close himself off like this?

"I-- If you're sure," Taehyung finally says, brushing aside the disappointment to force a smile. Jeongguk just nods his head, before stepping into his apartment and closing the door softly behind him.

Taehyung lets out a shaky breath, leaning his head against the cool wood of his door, and curses himself to the high heavens. I didn't think this would hurt so much. He thought he'd be able to just ignore the feelings, since Jeongguk had made it so terribly clear where their relationship stood. Taehyung had tried to compartmentalize. Whatever Jeongguk did from this point forward wasn't his problem. It shouldn't be his problem.

He repeats that over and over again as he gathers himself as best he can, and enters his own home. The emptiness of the space is crippling, but he ignores it, throwing his clothes carelessly on the ground as he walks into his bathroom. He turns on the shower and steps inside, hissing as the sting of boiling water hits his cold-numbed skin.

He stands underneath the water for a long time, trying to collect himself. His brain turns over the events of that today, trying to make sense of them, but ultimately, they all lead back to the same thing-- Jeongguk is hurting, and I'm not okay with it.

The realization isn't particularly surprising, but it is frustrating, and he shuts off the water, drying himself off quickly, and pads out of the bathroom, more agitated than he'd been going in. He doesn't know what to do anymore, since he'd promised himself to stop trying, but he wants to. Maybe he's a masochist, but he wants to keep trying. But he won't. Jeongguk has to come to him from now on. He needs to decide that he wants things to change, and nothing Taehyung says or does can force him.

He slips on a soft, cotton, long sleeve shirt, one he'd cut up a long time ago across the shoulder and a rectangle right at the elbow. He was in the privacy of his own home, so he didn't need to worry about anyone seeing him like this. He can't help wondering what people would think if they found out how the great Kim Taehyung dressed when he wasn't in the public eye.

Would they even care? he wonders as he pads into the kitchen. He hadn't eaten much at the restaurant, losing his appetite very quickly into the conversation. He's half afraid to make anything and set off the fire alarm again, so he rummages through the fridge and curses himself for being so damn stubborn, because he really should have just hired a chef, but he hadn't and now he's starving.

Just as he's making the decision between eating raw celery or the peach flavored yogurt that he's found at the back of the fridge, the doorbell rings. He frowns, wondering whether Hoseok or Yoongi were supposed to come by today.

He looks through the peephole, and who he sees makes his stomach swoop. The speed with which he opens the door is almost embarrassing.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung breathes, taking in the younger man, standing in the hall sheepishly. He's in a dark long-sleeved shirt and slim, tapered black sweatpants. His hair is damp and unstyled, and he looks both soft and painfully handsome at the same time.

"Is that... offer for tea still available?" Jeongguk asks, the words whispered like it pains him to say them. Taehyung's eyes widen in surprise, and the younger man clears his throat, not looking him in the eye.

"O-of course! Come in," Taehyung scrambles to hold the door open, and Jeongguk mumbles a thanks as he steps inside. Taehyung gets a whiff of some sort of body wash, clean and mouthwatering, but he pushes those thoughts aside. His desire for Jeongguk is secondary to Jeongguk's well being.

"Please sit," Taehyung says, motioning to the couch, and Jeongguk nods. "Let me get you that tea," he mutters, before scrambling into the kitchen. He scans through the cabinets before finding a box of ginger tea, and sets the kettle to boil.

His hands are shaking, happiness bubbling inside him because Jeongguk is here. He had willingly come to Taehyung, and while the older is unsure how much Jeongguk will open up to him, it's progress nonetheless.

Taehyung's lips curve up slightly, thrilled at the thought of Jeongguk making a conscious decision to come to him, of his own volition. Maybe deep down inside, Jeongguk wants to fix things too. Maybe now they could have a civil conversation, communicate properly.

He prepares the tea quickly and grabs the two mugs before coming back into the living room.

"Thank you," Jeongguk says, taking the mug Taehyung hands to him and making room for the older on the couch. He notes the way Jeongguk's eyes flit over his shirt and he's suddenly self-conscious of his attire. He brushes it off and sits down next to Jeongguk, making sure there's a comfortable enough distance between them, and tries not to seem too obvious that he's watching the younger out of the corner of his eye.

"Ginger," Jeongguk notes, after taking a sip of the warm tea. Taehyung smiles softly.

"It was always your favorite, wasn't it?" Jeongguk grips the mug tighter, and his lips curve down into a frown. Taehyung worries he's said something wrong. "I... I used to hate the taste, but now I'm really partial to it," He chuckles nervously, trying to alleviate the tension, but it just deepens Jeongguk's frown.

Taehyung had never been a tea person, but in high school, Jeongguk drank ginger tea all the time. Said it soothed the nerves. And now Taehyung kept it well stocked, because for some odd reason, it did make him calm. But not because of the tea. It just reminded him of Jeongguk.

The silence is thick, and Taehyung hates it. He hates the quiet, he can almost feel how hard Jeongguk is thinking in this moment. And he wishes he wasn't so affected by it, since he'd resolved not to be so invested in how Jeongguk felt.

"I'm..." Taehyung turns his head in surprise when Jeongguk speaks up. The younger is still staring down at his mug, fingers wound tight around it. "I'm sorry," he breathes out quickly, like if he doesn't say it fast enough, he won't say it at all.

Taehyung's eyebrows shoot up in alarm. "For what?" he asks, a little taken aback. His mind races at a mile a minute and he's not sure what to think, because he never thought he'd hear those words. Belatedly, he realizes it's probably a stupid thing to ask, since he's the one who wanted an apology in the first place.

Jeongguk looks up reluctantly, gazing at Taehyung's exposed wrists where the bruises from a few days ago had all but faded.

"For e-everything, I guess. Being so difficult, hurting you. I overstepped my boundaries too many times to count," Jeongguk swallows thickly. "Sihyuk was right, I'm not quite right in the head either. But that doesn't excuse how I treated you. And. I'm sorry for that."

Taehyung lets out a sharp breath, looking down at the amber liquid in his mug and watching the steam curl up, his chest tightening inexplicably. "I forgive you," he says softly, looking up at Jeongguk, who opens his mouth in shock.

"You'd forgive me that easily?"

Taehyung sets his mug down. "I understand why you did and said the things you did. It doesn't make them right or any less hurtful but. You apologized, and you're obviously being sincere about it."

"It shouldn't be that easy. Not after what I put you through."

Taehyung snags his bottom lip between his teeth, wondering how to phrase things right. "I'm not a fan of dragging issues out, Jeongguk," he explains. "I asked for an apology, and you gave me one. You meant it, and I know it must have been hard for you. I can't say I can empathize with you, since I couldn't possibly comprehend what you've been through, but I understand you're hurting right now, and I want to help how I can."

Jeongguk's eyes snap to Taehyung's wrists, frowning deeply. "But... the sex? I hurt you."

Taehyung winces. As much as he'd enjoyed Jeongguk dominating him, it wasn't how he imagined their reunion going. And it had hurt, it still hurts, but not physically. Emotionally, Taehyung is still drained, but at least now he and Jeongguk were on the same page about everything... except for the sex, it seemed.

"You didn't hurt me. At least, not physically." Now it's Jeongguk's turn to be surprised.

"B-but... the bruises... I bit you." Taehyung's cheeks flare because he still has the mark on his shoulder, and he looks at it all the time. It's almost become a fixation, and he half wishes it wouldn't ever fade. He knows he needs to be over it, considering the implications of the mark, a constant reminder of the way Jeongguk had left. But all he can remember is how Jeongguk had felt inside him, filling him up, making him feel whole.

"It hurt right? You cried and--" Jeongguk looks down, pained, shoulders hunched.

"Yes, it hurt, but it wasn't the physical kind. Do you know what I mean?" Taehyung chews on his lip, searching for the words.

Taehyung gulps. "I hated that you left the way you did. I-I... wish it hadn't ended like that. It felt like a slap in a the face," Jeongguk's grip on his mug tightens, and Taehyung can see the guilt rolling off the younger man in waves, but for the first time, Jeongguk isn't trying to hide it. "You shouldn't have done that. And I think, of all the things you've done, that hurt the most."

"I'm sorry," Jeongguk repeats, for what seems like the millionth time that day. "I would say I didn't mean to hurt you, but I did. I wanted to hurt you then. I thought it would make me feel better," Jeongguk's knuckles are white as he grips the mug so tight Taehyung thinks it might shatter. "It didn't, in case you were wondering."

"I know. It's okay. I forgive you."

Jeongguk lets out a disbelieving huff, and mumbles something that sounds similar to unbelievable. "I'm not deserving of that, Taehyung." Taehyung didn't think so much self-loathing could be crammed into a single sentence.

"I think you should let me make that call, yeah? You're not really being fair to yourself."

"You know, if the situation was reversed, I probably wouldn't forgive that easily, right?" Jeongguk asks, voice low and grave.

Taehyung fiddles with the sleeves of his sleep shirt, fingers brushing over the yellowing chafe marks on his wrists. He laughs softly. "Then it's a good thing I'm me and you're you, right?" He puts his hand on Jeongguk's shoulder gently, hesitantly. "Just... don't make me regret it? Please?"

Jeongguk's face scrunches in obvious conflict, but he makes no motion of discomfort at Taehyung's touch. "I-I can't promise that, Taehyung. I don't want to hurt you. But I-I can't be sure. I don't know the right things to do or say.

"The best thing to do would be to stay away from you. So I can't hurt you anymore," Jeongguk says darkly, and Taehyung gulps, tightening his grip on Jeongguk's shoulder. "But... I'm. I want to be selfish and be near you and touch you and--"

Jeongguk breaks off, face flushing, and Taehyung's stomach swoops at the unexpected confession. He hadn't realized how much he wanted to hear those words until now. He'd had a hunch that Jeongguk wanted him, but it was nice hearing it. For the first time, the feeling of hope worms its way under Taehyung's skin.

"Sihyuk was right about a lot of things, Taehyung. I'm a monster. I don't want to keep hurting you."

"What? No , Jeongguk," Taehyung can't help it when he reaches out his other hand, cupping Jeongguk's face and turning him to face him. Jeongguk's eyes look a little red around the edges, and there's so much vulnerability in that one look, it floors Taehyung. He thumbs gently at Jeongguk's cheekbone.

"If you keep convincing yourself of that, you're not going to feel any better," Taehyung says firmly. "If you think you're a monster, then you have to do your best to not act that way," Jeongguk casts his eyes down, ears tipped red. "And I'll be here to swiftly kick you in the ass if you do act like a prick again, okay?"

Jeongguk doesn't say a word, but the coiled tension in his shoulders seems to dissipate a bit, and for that, Taehyung is relieved. He didn't think this conversation would happen so soon, if ever, but it leaves him feeling lighter than he has in a while.

Taehyung leans in closer, feeling more confident, and is spurred on when Jeongguk doesn't flinch at the proximity. "Can I kiss you?" he murmurs. Jeongguk nods slightly, the movement almost imperceptible if Taehyung hadn't been watching so closely. Jeongguk keeps his eyes resolutely down at his cup, so Taehyung can't read his expression, but he figures he might want this too, but is just afraid to ask. He sighs softly and closes the distance slowly, pressing his mouth against Jeongguk's, just the slightest brush of lips.

He shouldn't have expected a response, of course. Jeongguk remains still in Taehyung's hands. Not responding, but not rejecting him either. Just clutching the mug of tea to his chest. The disappointment is almost crushing, and Taehyung pulls away, chest aching, because Jeongguk's lips are so soft and warm and addicting. Would he ever get to feel the way he did in the car so many weeks ago? Drowning in the heat and the passion?

He doesn't realize he'd been staring intently at Jeongguk for a while, until the younger man clears his throat, and Taehyung leans away, giving him space.

"I should go," Jeongguk says quietly. Taehyung forces back the sigh of disappointment, and forces himself to smile. In the end, he'd gotten what he'd wanted-- a sincere apology. Jeongguk had come to him. They'd made more progress than Taehyung could have hoped for, and that should be enough for him.

Jeongguk sets the now-empty mug carefully on the table, and eyes Taehyung hesitantly. "Thank you, Taehyung," he says quietly. Taehyung feels a bright smile spread on his lips. "F-for the tea, I mean."

Taehyung bites his lip, trying not to laugh. "Of course. For the tea."

Jeongguk gets up, blushing red in embarrassment. Taehyung follows after him, leading him to the door, and there's an inexplicable fondness in his chest, mixed with something else less innocent. His eyes trail over Jeongguk's broad shoulders, framed by the well fitting shirt, and he feels his throat run dry. Of course he would get horny after a deep conversation. But it doesn't feel like something that primal. Horny doesn't cover it , Taehyung bemoans as he opens the door for Jeongguk.

"I-I'll see you later, then?" Taehyung says, as Jeongguk stands on the threshold. He nods, and Taehyung looks down, suddenly feeling shy under Jeongguk's gaze. He feels a hand grip his wrist and he looks up. Jeongguk looks at him hesitantly, biting his lip. There's a burning want in his eyes that Taehyung knows mirrors his own, but there's something else there. More than just desire.

Jeongguk leans down, movements slow, and presses a soft, indulgent kiss to Taehyung's lips. Taehyung's mouth parts on instinct, his entire body suddenly on fire at the gentleness of it, but Jeongguk pulls back, bumping their noses together.

"Thank you," he whispers. "Really."

And then he steps away completely, and Taehyung stands there stupidly, feeling like an lovestruck teenager, and bites back a whine at the sudden cold that hits him without Jeongguk's warm body so close. Jeongguk gives him another soft look, then steps away, turning his back to head towards his own door.

Taehyung closes his door slowly, still not quite able to process what had just happened, but the happiness bubbles under his skin. He brings his fingers up to run across his lips, still burning with the feeling of Jeongguk's own pressed against them. He stares at the door, stomach churning, and wonders if he hopes hard enough, Jeongguk will come back.

He stands there for a moment, and is jolted out of his thoughts when there's a swift knock on the door. Taehyung's heart leaps out of his throat, and he can't open the door fast enough. The sight of Jeongguk standing there, body coiled and eyes dark, is enough to punch a shaky moan from Taehyung, and Jeongguk doesn't hesitate to step inside again and slam the door behind them.

And then Jeongguk is on him, around him, hands cupping Taehyung's face and kissing him like his life depends on it. Taehyung hardly has time to react, fisting at Jeongguk's shirt and opening his mouth obediently. Jeongguk kisses him so hard that they stumble back with the force, and Taehyung's knees go weak. He would have sunk to the ground if Jeongguk didn't catch him in time, winding an arm around his waist and holding him close.

"Am I crazy?" Jeongguk asks, pulling away for a moment to mouth at Taehyung's jaw, his neck, grazing his teeth along the skin, and Taehyung just tips his head back to give him free reign, eyes practically rolling to the back of his head with the pleasure of having Jeongguk's mouth on his skin. "For wanting this so much?"

"W-well," Taehyung says, breathless. "W-who wouldn't be crazy for me," He tries to be cheeky, but it doesn't sound nearly as good as it did in his head, not when everything he says is punctuated by gasps and whimpers. Jeongguk bites at Taehyung's shoulder, the strip of skin exposed by his DIY project. He yelps, but raises his shoulder, pressing closer.

"What the fuck is this shirt?" Jeongguk growls, tugging at the fabric. Taehyung has no answer for him besides a needy moan as he scrambles to pull Jeongguk back to kiss him. They stumble down the hall, Taehyung leading Jeongguk, and tugs him towards his bedroom. Jeongguk presses him against the door and sucks on Taehyung's bottom lip impatiently as Taehyung struggles blindly for the doorknob.

He whines in relief when the door finally opens and they fall into the room. Jeongguk pushes him back until he feels the mattress behind him, and falls onto it. Jeongguk, it seems, has no patience for any sort of showmanship, because he's got Taehyung completely stripped down in a matter of seconds, and rips his own shirt over his head.

Taehyung only gets a few precious seconds to drink in Jeongguk's glorious chest before he's being shoved back onto the pillows.

"Hands and knees," Jeongguk orders, and Taehyung doesn't even spare a moment to think, just does as he's told. He turns his head to see Jeongguk settle behind him, and he's embarrassingly hard, the erection hanging between his legs. And that's just from kissing him.

Jeongguk's hand is so impossibly warm as he rubs it across the expanse of Taehyung's back, fingers pressing against the base of his spine, before squeezing Taehyung's ass appreciatively. Taehyung lurches at that, loving the sting of it, and he can already feel a bead of precome leaking out and dropping onto the bed.

"Fuck, Tae, can I eat you out?" Jeongguk asks, the poorly concealed lust making his voice rough around the edges, and Taehyung's elbows wobble, almost faceplanting into the pillows.

"P-plea--" Taehyung can't bring himself to finish a damn word, nerves alight with anticipation. Jeongguk brings his other hand to Taehyung's other ass cheek, and he kneads them, just hard enough to drag another moan out of Taehyung.

He spreads Taehyung's cheeks apart and rubs his thumb around his puckered hole. Taehyung whines at that, and Jeongguk wonders what kind of noises Taehyung will make when Jeongguk gets his mouth on him. He leans in and runs his tongue experimentally over Taehyung's entrance, gauging his reaction. Taehyung just lets out a sob, and it definitely does things for Jeongguk's confidence, and he presses forward, encouraged.

He runs his tongue over Taehyung again, this time pressing the tip of his tongue into his entrance, and at that, Taehyung loses his strength, elbows giving way and he drops down onto the pillows.

"Keep your ass up for me," Jeongguk says, pulling away to readjust Taehyungs hips, and he makes such a beautiful sight, completely submissive and offering himself up like this. "Good boy," he murmurs. He can feel his cock rubbing painfully against the material of his briefs, but he ignores it, focusing on pleasuring Taehyung.

It becomes obvious to Jeongguk very quickly that Taehyung is more sensitive than most of his previous partners, and he loves being rimmed, because with every lick, every press of Jeongguk's tongue into Taehyung's hole, he lets out a beautiful little sob, voice getting higher and more broken with every passing moment.

Jeongguk leans away for a moment to breathe, not realizing how much he'd gotten into it, not even sparing a moment for air, so focused on Taehyung that breathing had become of secondary importance. He bites at Taehyung's ass, sucking a purple mark onto the smooth skin, and Taehyung wriggles back, obviously wanting more, but Jeongguk nips at the skin in a warning.

Taehyung lets out a wrecked sob at that, hands fisting in the sheets to keep himself from moving too much. "J-Jeongguk," he whines.

Jeongguk makes a noise of question, smoothing his hand over Taehyung's back, and it does little to douse the fire slowly growing at the pit of his stomach.

"W-want to come. Need--" Taehyung gasps out, unable to form any coherent sentences.

"Before I even get to fill you up?" Jeongguk asks, and Taehyung feels so dizzy. "Do you want to come before you even get fucked?"

Taehyung shakes his head vehemently. That's the last thing he wants. "Then you have to be a good boy and wait. Can you do that?" Jeongguk asks, and it sounds so gentle, but commanding at the same time, and Taehyung's body wracks with a shiver and he just nods.

"Good," Jeongguk says, and leans away from Taehyung to reach into the nightstand. Taehyung wants to wonder how he knew to look there for the lube, and then remembers Jeongguk had grabbed it from there the last time they had fucked too. Taehyung's stomach coils, remembering the glorious feeling of being pressed against the wall, Jeongguk's body trapping him, filling him so perfectly and--

"J-Jeongguk," Taehyung keens, feeling the first slicked up finger slide inside him, and graze against his prostate. He doesn't know whether to be happy or annoyed that Jeongguk could remember exactly where it was, because it's making it hard for him to try not to come.

"More," Taehyung whines, chewing at his lip. He wants this to go by faster, for Jeongguk to fill him up right now, and Jeongguk obliges him quickly sliding the second in and scissoring with an efficiency that punches another moan from Taehyung's throat.

Taehyung's taken enough cock in his life that prepping doesn't take too long and Jeongguk manages to get four fingers in before Taehyung sobs at him, begging him to just fuck me already, and then the fingers are gone.

He hears the crinkling of the condom wrapper being ripped open, and he forces himself to get up on his hands again, though they wobble dangerously. Jeongguk seems to notice, because he wraps a steadying hand around Taehyung's waist.

"You okay?" he asks, and Taehyung just nods his head, not quite trusting himself to open his mouth, He feels Jeongguk pressing the head of his cock against his entrance, and his toes curl in anticipation. Belatedly, he realizes he hasn't actually seen Jeongguk's cock in a decade, and figures sixteen year old Jeongguk wasn't quite the same size as twenty six year old Jeongguk, because twenty six year old Jeongguk fills him up so well, and Taehyung's never felt so full--

"Jeon-- oh god..." Taehyung keens as Jeongguk slides in, painfully slowly, gripping Taehyung's hips so tight that there will definitely be bruises in the morning-- a thought that thrills Taehyung-- but he doesn't have a chance to dwell on the thought any more as Jeongguk bottoms out. He stops and waits for Taehyung to adjust, but Taehyung just wriggles his hips impatiently.

"Jeongguk fuck me, d-dammit, please," Taehyung begs, and Jeongguk groans in aroused disbelief, bringing one of his hands up to tug at Taehyung's hair.

"Want me to fuck you hard?" Jeongguk asks, leaning over Taehyung's body to murmur into his ear. Taehyung can feel his cheeks burning, body electric at Jeongguk's proximity, and he just nods frantically. "Til you're screaming? Will you scream for me, Tae?"

"Yes," Taehyung gasps, wanting so badly to just come at the words, but he knows Jeongguk has something better planned, if he could just hold on a little longer.

Jeongguk seems to approve, because he runs a hand down Taehyung's side and squeezes his hip. "Hands up," he says, and Taehyung's mind goes blank, not knowing how to process the request, and he lets Jeongguk guide him, lifting his hands and pressing them onto the headboard. He keeps a hand over Taehyung's own, the other gripping at his hip, strong and anchoring him in place.

Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut as Jeongguk slides out slowly, and no amount of mental preparation could make him ready for when Jeongguk slams back into him, hitting his prostate dead on. He lets out a cry, throwing his head back against Jeongguk's shoulder.

"Harder?" Jeongguk prompts, voice rough and thick with lust.

"Harder, more, please please please," Taehyung sobs, and it turns into another broken cry when Jeongguk thrusts in again. He's completely trapped again, and his body has nowhere to move, he just has to take everything Jeongguk's giving him, and he can't imagine anything else better than this.

Jeongguk sets a rough pace, focusing on fucking into Taehyung so hard he sees stars, letting out staccato moans every time Jeongguk drills back into him. Jeongguk works at sucking a mark into Taehyung's neck, biting and laving his tongue against the skin. Taehyung tilts his head to the side, letting Jeongguk have free reign, and screws his eyes shut, voice hoarse as Jeongguk just keeps thrusting in, grazing his teeth against the sweet skin of his shoulder.

"Wanna come, Tae?" Jeongguk asks, nose pressed against Taehyung's temple, teeth tugging at his earlobe, and it feels so filthy and so so satisfying. He doesn't let up his pace, hips rough and deliberate. The skin on skin is delicious, and everything feels too hot and so perfect.

"Y-you first. Please. Want you to f-fill me up," Taehyung whimpers, voice hoarse and low from crying out so much. He looks so fucked out, Jeongguk half didn't expect him to respond. But he had and god he could probably orgasm with just those words.

He thrusts faster, the friction against his cock making the heat stir in his stomach, and Taehyung clenches around him, probably by accident, but it drives Jeongguk over the edge. "Fuck, Tae," he groans, letting the orgasm rip through him, and he spills himself into the condom.

Taehyung whines, clenching around Jeongguk again, orgasming seconds later, come spilling onto the sheets. Jeongguk buries his face into Taehyung's neck, panting as he keeps thrusting, much slower this time, until Taehyung's body trembles from the hypersensitivity. They stay still for a moment, trying to catch their breath. After a while though, Taehyung can feel his hands cramping, and he squirms against Jeongguk.

"Shit, sorry," Jeongguk says, a little winded, and pulls himself away from Taehyung, slipping his length out too. Taehyung whimpers softly, lowering himself down onto the pillow, and suddenly everything feels cold without Jeongguk pressed against him. Taehyung wants to kiss him so badly, but his limbs feel like jelly, and his body is still thrumming with pleasure. He can't quite bring himself to move, until he hears Jeongguk padding around the room, a rustle of fabric.

He rolls over and pushes himself up slowly, pulling the covers over his lower half. Taehyung had never been one to be self conscious of his body, but right now he feels a little vulnerable. He watches Jeongguk tug on his sweatpants, and he bites down on his lip, because Jeongguk looks so mindblowingly attractive right now, skin glowing from the sex, hair mussed and clumped together with sweat. The tattoos look like they're glistening on his skin, and the lust stabs hot in his stomach again.

Jeongguk turns his head in search for his shirt, and catches Taehyung's heavy gaze on him. Taehyung drops his eyes, embarrassed, cheeks flaming. He doesn't know why he feels so shy all of a sudden.

"Y-you can stay if you want," Taehyung murmurs, gathering up the confidence to look up again, and he sees the sudden panic in Jeongguk's eyes.

"I-- I don't usually-- It's okay I--" Jeongguk stammers, suddenly nervous and not looking as in control as he had five minutes ago, fucking into Taehyung, owning him. He lets out a sharp breath in relief when he finds his shirt, and bends down to snag it. He pulls it on quickly, and Taehyung tries vehemently not to be disappointed.

"I have to be at the hospital in a few hours anyway, I-I'd just be in the way," Jeongguk stammers, giving Taehyung an apologetic look. Taehyung can't bring himself to smile in return, so he just nods. He can practically see Jeongguk putting up his walls again, and he wonders how he's supposed to handle this constant push and pull.

Jeongguk runs his hand through his hair, tugging at the strands in frustration. "I'll. I'll get going then," he says, and Taehyung just nods again. He feels so drained, from the sex, being jolted out of the floaty headspace he'd been in, and the crushing disappointment of Jeongguk leaving again.

Jeongguk seems to notice, because he hesitates at the door, chewing on his lip, and sighs, before walking over to Taehyung. He cups Taehyung's cheek, and leans down at the same time Taehyung arches up on instinct, pulling him into a deep kiss. It's enough of a reassurance to make hope bloom in Taehyung's heart, and while he wishes Jeongguk could stay, the deliberate drag of his lips against Taehyung's is enough to hold him over for now.

Jeongguk pulls away, the separation of their lips making a muted noise in the air between them.

"I'll show myself out," Jeongguk says quietly, and Taehyung hums, still a little dazed, and stays still until he hears the front door closing with an audible click.

When he's sure Jeongguk's gone, he groans, covering his face with his hands to hide the blush quickly forming. I'm in so much trouble.

Chapter: 19

"We'll be breaking ground on construction in just a few short weeks," Taehyung explains, standing at the front of the long conference room, motioning to the projector screen, where the blueprints for the center are being shown. Jeongguk sits at the very end of the table, keeping an eye on the other investors, gauging their reactions.

At least, that's what he tells himself. If he looks at Taehyung, all he's going to think about is last night, their conversation, the sex. He's too tired for this. He wants to regret the things he'd said when they talked. Taehyung probably thought he was a mess. Jeongguk is, in truth, a mess, but he'd rather not have anyone know. He'd looked weak, and Taehyung probably pitied him. Maybe Taehyung realized it was a mistake. A mistake to let Jeongguk in.

But Taehyung had asked him to stay. He couldn't have regretted it if he'd asked me to stay, right? The thought of sleeping in the same bed as Taehyung-- waking up next to him-- terrifies him beyond belief. If Taehyung didn't regret the invitation right after sex, he sure would when he woke up in the morning.

"We're going to be tearing down the entire west wing and rebuilding, up to hospital standards, as Dr. Jeon had advised."

Jeongguk, as a general rule, didn't stick around after sex. It was safer to stay detached, and his partners never really wanted anything besides that anyways. Sleeping together seemed too intimate. And fear stabs hot in his stomach when he realizes how badly he'd wanted that with Taehyung in that moment. But he was weak. And he ran. Why do I always run?

He could tell Taehyung was upset, and god he hated that. He hated seeing Taehyung upset, knowing he made the man with the sunshine smile sad. He hated it when he was angry at Taehyung, he hates it now when he... He doesn't know how he feels right now. He doesn't know how he feels about Taehyung, but he's definitely afraid.

Jeongguk kissed him, like an idiot. He didn't want Taehyung to be sad. But he knows he couldn't be what Taehyung probably wanted. What does Taehyung want from me? Either way, they'd kissed, and Taehyung had seemed happier after that. He couldn't have regretted it that much, right?

"We will be keeping certain portions of the east wing intact, mostly to preserve the history and certain areas of... sentimental value," Taehyung continues. Jeongguk remembers Taehyung mentioning that Namjoon's bedroom and office were in the east wing, and he wanted to keep that untouched, as a sort of memorial. "The rest will be transformed into family accommodations and an art center for the patients."

"The construction will take approximately two months, then we'll be clearing up all the legal details, and be set to open in the spring," Taehyung finishes, the pride very obvious in his voice. Jeongguk can't help but feel lighter, knowing Taehyung was satisfied. Jeongguk himself couldn't believe that in the last three months, everything was coming together so quickly. Despite the fact that they didn't get along, they had been able to put all that aside to work efficiently on the cardiac center.

"Any concerns?" Taehyung prompts, and answers questions patiently, before wrapping up the meeting. Taehyung beams at Jeongguk from across the room as the investors file out and Jeongguk shoots back what he can only hope is a smile in return, but it probably looks like a grimace.

He needs to get back to the hospital, since he'd only taken a few hours to go to this meeting, and he needs to start making his rounds again in half an hour. He wonders if he can make a break for it, so he can avoid Taehyung, but as soon as the last person has left the conference room, Taehyung makes a beeline for him, and Jeongguk holds back the urge to groan.

"Hi!" Taehyung says, sliding into the seat next to Jeongguk's, smiling widely. Discomfort churns in Jeongguk's stomach, and he tries not to wince, because Taehyung's smile is blinding. He doesn't know what Taehyung could possibly have to smile about right now.

"Hey," Jeongguk says, voice a little gruff, but trying very hard not to come off hostile, and he fiddles with the paperwork in front of him.

"How are you doing?" Taehyung asks, voice a bit sing-songy, and Jeongguk wonders what happened to the poised businessman from five minutes ago and how he was replaced so quickly by a ten year old.

"I'm fine, thank you," Jeongguk says, and then tacks on a, "And you?" It takes every bit of energy in his body to be civil, because all he wants to do is sink to the floor in embarrassment.

"I'm fantastic actually!" Taehyung chirps. Jeongguk gulps, the tips of his ears burning. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something," he says, voice serious. Jeongguk tries not to wince. Please don't ask about last night. Please please please. "It's about the heart center!"

Jeongguk snaps his eyes up and gapes for a moment, body flushing with relief, and then worry, because Taehyung's smile is a little too bright. Jeongguk opens his mouth to respond, and then closes it again. He narrows his eyes in suspicion. "No."

Taehyung's face drops into a pout of disbelief. "What? You haven't even heard it yet!"

"Every time you have an idea, that means I have to do more paperwork," Jeongguk says.

Taehyung's frown deepens. "But--"

"Do you know how many legal hoops I had to go through so that the center could stock saline? It's just salt water, but they jacked up the insurance rates already. Medical centers aren't like putting up hotels, Taehyung. These are people, not buildings."

Taehyung looks so crestfallen at that, and Jeongguk scrambles for something better to say, realizing how harsh he must have sounded. Dammit Jeon, can't you say one thing right?

"I mean," Jeongguk sighs. "I think you have plenty of great ideas, Taehyung. But you might be getting a bit ahead of yourself. Let's wait until the center is up and running first, okay?"

Taehyung is silent for a moment, chewing on his lip thoughtfully, before bursting out into a smile. "You're right, of course! It can wait."

Jeongguk nods, trying not to look too relieved and fiddles with his papers again, placing them carefully into his bag.

"Are you doing anything after this?" Taehyung asks and Jeongguk's heart lurches in his chest.

"I. Uhm," Jeongguk wracks his brain because he knows he has something to do but he can't think. He doesn't mean what I think he means, right? He gulps, cheeks flaming. "I have to get back to the hospital."

Taehyung leans back, surprised. "Haven't you been there since like, the middle of the night?"

"Yes. I'll probably be there for a while longer; I have a few surgeries scheduled for tonight so."

Taehyung frowns, seemingly deep in thought. Jeongguk gulps, zipping up his bag. "That's so hardcore," he says seriously, the awe in his voice making Jeongguk's lips twitch up in a smile. "And I thought I worked a lot," he laughs. "How do you stay awake the whole time? Don't you get tired?"

Jeongguk shrugs, making to get up. "I'm used to it," he says, slipping the strap of his bag over his shoulder. Taehyung gets up too. "Plus there's a room on each floor with bunk beds so if you have down time you can nap if you want, like in between surgeries and all that."

Taehyung raises his eyebrows. "Really?" Jeongguk nods, feeling a little bashful. He'd talked to various people about his job too many times to count: interns, college students, other surgeons, and socialites, trying to make small talk. He'd never felt so shy about it until Taehyung.

"I wish they had beds here too," Taehyung jokes. Jeongguk bites back a smile.

"W-why do you ask?" Jeongguk coughs awkwardly, trying to cover up his stutter.

"Oh!" Taehyung beams at him. "I was going to go see Jimin today and I was wondering if you would have wanted to come too. He misses you a lot."

Something about the words makes a warm feeling bloom in Jeongguk's chest. "I saw him last week," he says, chuckling. Taehyung smiles knowingly.

"He likes you a lot," he says softly. Jeongguk ducks his head, trying to keep a straight face.

"He's a good kid," Jeongguk replies. Taehyung nods in agreement as they walk towards the door. Jeongguk pauses, one foot on either side of the threshold. He opens his mouth to say something, anything, but Taehyung beats him to it.

"I'll see you later," Taehyung says, a gentle hand at Jeongguk's elbow. Jeongguk nods. "Have a good rest of the day, yeah?"

Jeongguk's heart lurches again. "You too," he mumbles quickly, and steps out into the hall.

♥︎

Jeongguk sighs for what seems like the thousandth time today. His shift was dragging by slower than usual. He was used to pulling long hours, but for some reason he's been itching to get home. And see a certain Taehyung, according to the nagging voice in his head.

He'd finished his rounds for the day, and decided to retreat to his office to unwind and prepare for some of the surgeries he had to do later tonight. He figures he has a bit of downtime, but that idea is dashed when he hears someone running down the hallway.

A nurse knocks twice before opening the door and ducking in. "Dr. Jeon, code blue!" Jeongguk frowns, immediately alert, and gets up quickly from his chair; grabbing his stethoscope and rushing after the nurse.

"We have a five year old male. Fainted from lack of oxygen in the lower limbs. We're gonna get him on a ventilator," another nurse explains as Jeongguk strides up to the medical team currently wheeling a gurney through the halls.

Jeongguk looks down, and he feels like he's been punched in the gut, because lying there, with an oxygen mask on his face, eyes drooping, is Park Jimin.

"Hi... Dr.... Jeon," Jimin says weakly, face pale, lips blue. His voice is muffled by the mask, covering his nose and mouth. Jeongguk feels like his heart is going to burst out of his chest from the sheer panic. His mind goes blank for a fleeting moment, but feels multiple pairs of eyes on him-- his team is waiting for his instructions, and he reminds himself to put the personal feelings aside. He takes a deep breath.

"Jeongguk!" a voice calls out, and Jeongguk snaps his head up to see Taehyung, tears streaming down his face, panicked and frazzled.

"Get him into the ICU. Put him on oxygen with a vasodilator to open up his airways. If he's not responding, do CPR. If there's no response, intubate him right away" Jeongguk orders, and the team murmurs the affirmation. Jeongguk steps away from the gurney to let them get through the hospital foors, and he turns to Taehyung.

The older man rushes to his side, gripping Jeongguk's arm tightly. "What happened to him? Is he going to be okay? I was just goofing off with him and then he just dropped . Oh god , I can't believe this is happening. He's not going to need surgery right? He's going to be okay, right? I--"

"Taehyung, you need to calm down," Jeongguk says, thrown off by the pure fear in Taehyung's eyes. "Breathe, okay? Take a deep breath."

Taehyung makes an obvious attempt, but ends up hyperventilating.

"Taehyung, slow down. I need to you to stay calm, alright? Jimin's going to be just fine but I need you to sit down so I can go take care of it," Jeongguk guides Taehyung to one of the chairs in the waiting room. He's shaking, worry rolling off his body so obviously that it takes all of Jeongguk's willpower not to be affected by it.

"Call Hoseok. Tell him to come down so you're not waiting alone," Taehyung nods, and Jeongguk steps away, frowning. He's never seen Taehyung this broken and he doesn't know what to think.

"God, this is my fault," Taehyung moans as he buries his face into his hands. His shoulders shake with sobs. "I shouldn't have played so much with him, you told me not to. He was breathing too hard already, I should have known. "

Jeongguk takes a shaky breath, trying to steady himself before he tries to steady Taehyung. He kneels down in front of Taehyung, gently prying his fingers away from his face.

"Hey," Jeongguk murmurs softly. Taehyung's eyes are wide, swimming with tears, and he looks seconds from passing out. He wraps his hands around Taehyung's cold ones in an effort to comfort him. This isn't uncommon when dealing with people close to the patient, and Jeongguk usually goes into autopilot here. But he can't-- this is Taehyung .

"Everything's going to be okay. I'm going to take care of Jimin," Jeongguk soothes, taking one hand to brush away the wetness on Taehyung's cheeks. Taehyung hiccups, fingers curling tightly with Jeongguk's own, as he clings onto Jeongguk's words.

"He's going to be fine," Jeongguk says. Taehyung nods shakily. "It's all going to be okay."

"O-Okay," Taehyung hiccups again.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jeongguk asks, cupping Taehyung's cheek. The older man gives him a watery smile.

"I w-will be."

♥︎

"Hoseok, I'm not going." Jeongguk looks up from the papers he'd just signed, having finished Jimin's check up. Taehyung and Hoseok look like they're in the middle of a heated argument.

"Taehyung, I can't tell you enough times how crucial it is that you be at the conference," Hoseok tries.

"Then you go in my place!"

"It's you the press wants to see. You were supposed to make the speech!"

"Hyung, I can't. You know that. Jimin's still not awake. I need to be there when he wakes up!"

Hoseok looks at his wit's end. "Jimin is fine . Dr. Jeon and his team did a great job. He'll be up and running in no time," He steps closer to Taehyung. "But if you miss this event, the stocks are most likely going to drop. They're not going to write good things about you."

Taehyung cards a hand through his hair, laughing in disbelief. "You think I care what the press thinks right now?"

"You should."

"Well I don't, hyung. They can go to hell, because right now, Jimin needs me. And I'm not leaving him."

"Dr. Jeon--" Jeongguk's eyes snap away from the scene in the middle of the waiting room to look expectantly at the nurse. The lady says something, but Jeongguk doesn't quite hear it over the roaring of blood in his ears.

The scene feels achingly familiar and yet, so different-- Taehyung fighting for Jimin, though everything could go wrong. He wonders what would have happened if Taehyung had fought the same way for Jeongguk.

♥︎

"Taehyung," Jeongguk says, jolting the man awake. Taehyung blinks sleepily, turning his head towards Jeongguk. He grips the coffee cup in his hand.

Jeongguk sighs. Taehyung's eyes are sunken in, his face is blotchy from crying, lips swollen from biting them too much. Jimin is lying on the hospital bed, unconscious, and Taehyung's got one of child's tiny hands wrapped around his own, clinging to it.

"Yeah?" Taehyung croaks. It's five in the morning, and it had been ten hours since Jimin had been admitted into the hospital. Taehyung hadn't left Jimin's side since he had been stabilized. His neck hurts from having fallen asleep at such an awkward angle, in a chair with his face down on the hospital bed at Jimin's side.

"Are you alright?" Jeongguk asks hesitantly. Taehyung blinks at him, as though he's surprised Jeongguk's asking.

"Not really," he replies honestly. He turns to Jimin, brushing back the sleeping boy's black fringe.

"He's on an IV sedative drip. We'll wake him up in a few hours. Maybe you should go home. Eat something," Jeongguk tries. Hoseok had pulled him aside, begged Jeongguk to say something to make Taehyung see clearly, but his focus was obviously only on Jimin, and nothing Jeongguk said could convince him.

Taehyung shakes his head. "It's fine. I'll stay here."

"I really--"

"I'm fine, Jeongguk. I just need to be with Jimin right now," Taehyung says irritably, glaring at Jeongguk, determined, and it makes Jeongguk snap his mouth shut. "If you're awake, then I can stay awake too."

Jeongguk raises an eyebrow. "I'm awake because this is my job. I'm used to it."

"I'm not some delicate little princess, Jeongguk," Taehyung snaps, and almost immediately regrets it. Jeongguk's eyes widen a fraction in reproach. "I'm sorry, I just--" Taehyung takes a deep breath, frowning like he's trying to collect his thoughts.

"I really just need to be with him right now."

Jeongguk looks down at his feet, remembering the determination and conviction with which Taehyung had stood up to Hoseok last night. He still had a hard time connecting serious businessman Taehyung with playful, kind Taehyung.

For the last ten years he'd been so convinced that this man-- who'd cried over a small child, who spent all of his free time trying to use his wealth for good causes, who'd remained patient and kind with Jeongguk for so long-- was evil incarnate, and in this moment, Jeongguk realizes just how wrong he was.

About everything.

"He's such a good kid," Taehyung says softly, running his fingers gently over Jimin's hair. "H-he's my whole world. I see too much of me in him and-- I just want him to grow up and be a good person. Be better than me."

"He's going to be fine, you know," Jeongguk tries, then clears his throat. "Health-wise, I mean." Taehyung just looks at him sadly.

"Yeah, but for how long? I went through this same thing, over and over again as I was growing up. It takes a toll on you."

"It didn't seem like it in high school," The words slip out before Jeongguk can stop them. Taehyung looks taken aback, and Jeongguk wants to apologize, but doesn't. The first time Jeongguk had heard about Taehyung's condition was when Dr. Lee had asked him to take the case. He feels almost betrayed, having traded those words of love and shared all his secrets, when Taehyung hadn't done the same.

"I never talked about it because I didn't want to worry you."

Jeongguk bites back a snort.

"I spent all my time being miserable about it. Trying to overcompensate for it. But when I was with you..." Taehyung's voice goes quiet as he stares at the hospital sheets. "Maybe this sounds really dumb, but all I ever thought about was how beautiful the world was. You always made me forget about the bad things."

Jeongguk swallows thickly as the words seep into his skin. His entire being is trying to reject the words, tune them out because he doesn't want to believe them. But Taehyung's eyes are disarmingly sincere. Sad. Jeongguk shifts the weight on his feet awkwardly, skin suddenly feeling too tight.

"Here," Jeongguk says suddenly, holding out the cup of coffee that he had almost forgotten in his hands. "I thought you might need it."

"Oh. Uhm... Thank you," Taehyung says in surprise, taking the cup slowly. Jeongguk breathes a sigh of relief for having momentarily distracted the older man. If Taehyung had kept staring at Jeongguk like that, he doesn't know what he might do. Kiss him, maybe.

"I'm just going to..." Jeongguk points to the door awkwardly. Taehyung nods soberly, and Jeongguk nods before exiting the room and closing the door behind him. Once he's walked a suitable distance away, he lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"You're such an idiot, Jeon Jeongguk," he whispers to himself, leaning his forehead against the cool wall. His head is throbbing from everything that had happened. Jeongguk doesn't know anything anymore. Everything he'd convinced himself about Taehyung for the last ten years had been a massive lie.

"God," Jeongguk groans, head colliding with the wall with a soft thump.

"Dr. Jeon?" Jeongguk jumps away from the wall, whipping around to see one of the nurses standing there with a clipboard in their hands, eyebrows raised in concern.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes... I just..." Jeongguk scratches his head nervously. "Sorry," Jeongguk bows, before turning around and walking briskly around the corner. He needs to get as far away as he can from Taehyung, and from his feelings.

♥︎

Jeongguk is putting the last dish in the dryer when his doorbell rings. At this point, his body is conditioned to think that it could only be one person. He sighs, running his hand through his hair before going to the door.

"Taehyung?"

Who else could it be?

Jeongguk blinks, taking in Taehyung's bedraggled, unstable state as he stands in the hall outside Jeongguk's door. He looks drunk .

"Oh, hi Jeonggukie," Taehyung smiles, and his lips form a box shape and it would be almost cute if not for the fact that his eyes are red and he looks like he's going to tip over.

"Wait no," Taehyung frowns down at the floor, scratching his head. "I'm not supposed t'call you Jeonggukie anymore, huh?" He laughs sheepishly, tottering. "Sorry Jeonggukie."

Jeongguk stares at Taehyung, lip curled down in concern. "Come in," Jeongguk says. "Before you seriously hurt yourself," he grumbles, watching as Taehyung stumbles into his living room, plopping down on one of the massive leather couches.

"So comfy," Taehyung says, stretching his body out. As he lifts his arms, his shirt rides up, revealing his taut, tanned abdomen. Jeongguk rolls his eyes, crouching down next to the inebriated man to pull down the shirt again because it's too damn distracting, and that's when he really gets a whiff of the alcohol.

"God, how much did you drink you idiot?" Jeongguk scolds and Taehyung shrugs.

"A lot, I think. Vodka, rum. Oh, I think I had some rum too," he giggles.

"Did you eat anything today? Drink water?"

"Nope," Taehyung says, popping the 'p'.

"You are seriously something else," Jeongguk murmurs under his breath, straightening up to go to the kitchen.

I can't believe I'm doing this, Jeongguk tells himself, but pathetically enough, he can, rummaging through his cupboard until he finds the wheat bread and pops two slices into the toaster. He fills a glass with water, grabbing the bread when it's done, and puts the slices on a plate before going back out to Taehyung.

"Eat this," Jeongguk orders, putting the plate in Taehyung's hands. "When you're done, drink the water." He sits down on the coffee table, right across from Taehyung.

Taehyung scrunches up his face. "I don't like wheat bread," He picks up a slice with two fingers, fake gagging, and Jeongguk bites down the irritation.

"You need to eat," Jeongguk growls. I'm pissed because I'm his doctor, Jeongguk tries to convince himself. Not because I'm worried about him. I'm concerned for his health as my patient.

"Okay. Geez. You're so mean." Taehyung pouts, begrudgingly taking a bite of the bread. "Yuck."

"Chew," Jeongguk says through gritted teeth. I can't believe this. He looks at the clock across from him. It's so late. He'd pulled such a long shift at the hospital, he had only been able to muster up enough energy to cook something before mentally preparing himself to sleep away the rest of the century.

"I'm chewing," Taehyung says, mouth full.

"Chew faster."

Taehyung sticks out his tongue, but dutifully eats both slices of the bread. "Drink this. And when you're done, drink another one." Jeongguk hands Taehyung the glass, and it wobbles dangerously in the older man's hand. The water splashes onto the couch.

"Whoops, I guess I'm drunk," Taehyung laughs and Jeongguk pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Just drink the goddamn water," Jeongguk pleads. He's desperate to have Taehyung in his own bed, hydrated and with a full stomach. That way Jeongguk doesn't have to worry so much, and he can sleep easier. Taehyung had been relatively silent the whole day, staying at the hospital until Hoseok managed to get him out for a while, and Jeongguk had lulled himself into a false sense of security. He didn't think Taehyung would go and get himself drunk.

"This water is good," Taehyung chirps, finishing the glass and smacking his lips dramatically. "Tastes like juice. Wanna know my favorite juice? Mango juice. Mango juice is my favorite juice. Yup."

"Does it look like I care?" Jeongguk asks, exasperated beyond belief.

Taehyung's face crumples into a frown, and his bottom lip wavers dangerously. "Joonie hyung cared what juice I liked."

"What?" Jeongguk says in surprise. Taehyung continues, unphased.

"He cared about what type of cake I liked. My favorite color. My favorite type of sandwich. All the important things," Taehyung lists. "He always came when I got sick. He gives nice warm hugs. I love Joonie hyung's hugs." A fond smile tugs at Taehyung's lips and Jeongguk is on guard, wary of Taehyung's lightning quick mood changes.

"I should go hug Joonie hyung. I haven't visited him in a while. He probably misses me. Yeah, I'm gonna go see Joonie hyung, I'll call him," Taehyung nods sluggishly, and makes to get up. Jeongguk's hands shoot out in a panic, grabbing Taehyung's waist, and sits him down.

"N-no, I don't think that's a good idea," Jeongguk says shakily. He doesn't want to be the one to break the news to a drunk, emotionally unstable man that his brother's been dead for five years.

"Aww, then can I hug you? " Taehyung slurs. And before Jeongguk can say hell no, Taehyung's leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Jeongguk's neck, pulling him close

Jeongguk's hands shoot out around Taehyung's waist again on instinct, trying to stabilize them both when Taehyung's practically crawling into his lap. The older man buries his nose into Jeongguk's neck, taking a deep breath.

"You smell so good, Jeonggukie," he half moans, rubbing his nose against the skin behind Jeongguk's ear. "You always smelled good. Really sexy, and manly. I like that. You're sexy, Jeonggukie."

Jeongguk is mostly alarmed, but if he's willing to admit it, he's a bit pleased. There's a dull throb of lust in his stomach and it takes all of his willpower to tamp it down. "I think about you all the time, you know? Like, every day. And sometimes, I touch myself, and I say your name, and then I pretend that you're there instead, because you're so sexy. I wish you'd touch me more. I know you want to."

Taehyung giggles, breath warm against Jeongguk's neck. Jeongguk's body flushes hot against his will and he tightens his grip on Taehyung's hips.

"I really want to have sex with you. All the time. I want to lick all your tattoos and get on my knees for you. Do everything you tell me to do. I want you to bite me and spank me and say dirty things to me. I want you so bad," Taehyung whines, wriggling his body in Jeongguk's lap.

"I want to be so naughty," Taehyung licks a stripe up Jeongguk's ear and Jeongguk's heart hammers wildly against his chest. "I want you to wreck me and kiss me and fuck me until I cry," He takes Jeongguk's earlobe into his mouth, nibbling. "I want to do all that, but you won't let me.

"You're so perfect, Jeonggukie. You've always been perfect, but now you're the perfectest. I just like you so much," Taehyung moans and Jeongguk can feel Taehyung's growing erection pressed against his stomach.

"I wish you'd like me too," Jeongguk's throat tightens as Taehyung presses their bodies closer together. "But you're so mean to me. Why are you so mean to me Jeonggukie? Why won't you kiss me? Why didn't you stay the night?"

And that snaps Jeongguk out of his frozen state. "Okay, that's enough, " Jeongguk growls, tugging at Taehyung's arms until the man lets go. He doesn't want to listen to any more drunken rambling because he's afraid Taehyung's going to say even more things that he really doesn't want to hear and consequently deal with. He eases Taehyung back onto the couch and the older man sinks down, sighing. Jeongguk stands up, face disarmingly hot, and there's an uncomfortable tightness in his pants.

Damn you, Kim Taehyung , Jeongguk curses, watching the man curl up into a ball on the couch, as though he hadn't been rubbing himself all over Jeongguk just moments before. Tonight had gone from zero to sixty and back to zero way too quickly.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and wondering what sort of karmic injustice had made it so that Kim Taehyung, the most stressful man on the planet, lives next door.

Once he's calmed himself down, he shakes Taehyung. "Hey, you need to get home," Jeongguk says.

"I can sleep here," Taehyung mumbles.

"Ha, no," Jeongguk retorts, wrapping his arms around Taehyung and pulling him up to his feet. Taehyung is like some sort of koala, wrapping his arms tight around Jeongguk's waist tucking his head underneath Jeongguk's chin.

"Jesus Christ," Jeongguk curses, stumbling, trying to manage both their weights as he guides Taehyung to his own door.

"Hey," Jeongguk shakes Taehyung. The older man makes a noncommittal sound, keeping his eyes shut. "What's your passcode?"

"Why should I tell ya?" Taehyung slurs. "So you can sneak into my room and watch me sleep?" He giggles at the thought. "Actually, that's kinda hot. Wanna watch me sleep Jeonggukie?"

"No, what the fuck, just tell me your passcode so I can get you to bed," Jeongguk hisses in annoyance. Taehyung giggles again but he mumbles the number sequence anyway, much to Jeongguk's relief.

The door beeps and Jeongguk opens it, dragging Taehyung's dead weight into the house. Jeongguk doesn't really need to ask where Taehyung's room is and knowing that he has that intimate knowledge of Taehyung's space bothers him, but he brushes it aside.

Belatedly, he wonders whether this was the universe's twisted way of getting him back for the coffee. He knew he shouldn't have tried to be nice. Now Taehyung had all sorts of ideas. He'd attempted to be pleasant once and suddenly Taehyung's showing up at his house, piss drunk, rubbing up on him and being a general nuisance.

"Okay, down you go," Jeongguk says, lowering Taehyung onto the bed and tucking the covers over him.

"Thanks Jeonggukie," Taehyung mumbles, blinking sleepily. "You should meet Joonie hyung some time."

Jeongguk tenses, swallowing the lump in his throat, as he momentarily forgets his annoyance. "Y-yeah, okay."

"He'd like you. I think more than he likes me," Taehyung frowns. "You're all smart and hard working, just like him. And I'm jus' a lazy dis'ppointment," He sighs, face crumpling "Look at me. Can't play with a kid without him ending up in the hosp'tal. And now I'm drunk. Can't take care of a kid. A company. Myself."

Jeongguk wonders whether he should say something. If there's even anything he can say in response to that. "I think he's... very proud of you," Jeongguk decides to say after a moment, because Taehyung's on the verge of tears and the last thing he needs is Taehyung crying on him because he hates seeing Taehyung cry. He looks like a wounded little animal and it makes Jeongguk uncomfortable and oddly guilty.

"Think so?" Taehyung's voice is painfully hopeful and Jeongguk wonders if he'll even remember all this in the morning.

"Of course. You're smarter than you think. And you've worked hard to expand past the solid foundation he built. He's really proud," Jeongguk tries to smile. "And what happened with Jimin wasn't your fault. He'll be fine. I'll take care of it."

"Yeah?" Taehyung's lips wobble into a smile.

"Yeah. Know why?"

Taehyung's eyes widen. "Why?"

"Because I have magical powers."

"Really?" Taehyung squeaks. "That's so cool!"

Jeongguk half wants to laugh because that was too easy. "Now I'm gonna use my powers on you and make you sleep, okay?"

Taehyung nods and Jeongguk wiggles his fingers in front of his face for good measure.

"Y'know, you're really nice when you're not being mean, Jeonggukie. That's why... that's why I like you so... m-much," Taehyung slurs, and right after, he's completely knocked out. Jeongguk sighs in relief and turns to go. He's at the door when the guilt pangs at his chest.

"Jeon Jeongguk, you are a screwed up bastard," Jeongguk growls to himself as he goes through Taehyung's cupboards, looking for a glass and aspirin. He fills up the glass with water before walking back into Taehyung's room. He sighs, looking down at Taehyung's sleeping form, setting the glass and the bottle on the nightstand, before turning off all the lights and shutting the door behind him.

Is this what it's become? Jeongguk laments, as he sinks down in his own bed wondering when he had allowed every crevice of his mind to be consumed with thoughts of Taehyung, when he'd allowed him to worm his way into his life like this. When he had actually started to care so much that not thinking about Taehyung was actually painful . Everything was so confusing, but there's one thing he knew for sure.

"I'm in so much trouble."

Chapter: 20

"Hyungie!" Jimin squeals as Taehyung enters his hospital room with Hoseok, armed with a legion of stuffed animals.

"Hey pancake Jiminie!" Taehyung chirps back; setting the teddy bear, the minion, and the kumamon down carefully on the bed. "I brought a few of my friends to keep you company."

Jimin immediately grabs the stuffed Minion and smothers his face into it, giggling in delight. "Are you going to stay and play with me, hyungie?" he asks, eyes wide.

"Taehyung..." Hoseok says, eyeing his tablet in warning.

Taehyung smiles tightly. "Not much today, Jiminie. I have to go talk to adults today," he explains, rolling his eyes. Jimin screws his face up in matching annoyance.

"Ew," he responds, hugging the minion tighter.

"I know, right?" Taehyung can feel Hoseok rolling his eyes behind him, though Hoseok's got his eyes trained down at his smartphone; no doubt sending some sort of email or arranging a meeting. "I came to say hi and make sure you wouldn't be lonely when I wasn't here."

He scoots one of the chairs in the room towards the edge of Jimin's bed. He's a little agitated. He hates the sterile smell of hospitals, the grating beeping of the heart monitor. Jimin has an IV catheter strapped to the veins on the top of his hands and it makes Taehyung's skin crawl with the phantom sensation of constant needles under his skin. The only thing that makes him feel more at ease is the Pikachu band-aid that's on top of the medical tape holding everything in place.

"That's a cool band-aid, Jiminie," Taehyung says and Jimin's eyes disappear with the force of his smile.

"Dr. Jeon gave it to me," he explains happily and Taehyung's heart lurches. Just a little bit.

"Oh, did he?"

Jimin nods excitedly. "He has a whole box of them. Tomorrow he said he'd bring me dinosaur ones!"

Taehyung leans back. "Wow, dinosaurs?" He turns to Hoseok. "Can we get some of those for the office?" Hoseok snorts. He turns back to Jimin. "How are you feeling? It's not too boring here, right?"

Jimin shakes his head vehemently. "It's fun! Dr. Jeon always hangs out with me."

"Really?"

"Yeah! I always ask him questions and he teaches me things! He lets me play with his stemscope!"

Taehyung bites his lip, "Stethoscope?"

Jimin giggles. "Oh yeah! And he told me about whales and dolphins and sharks. He has a huge book with all the fishes and stuff. Dr. Jeon knows everything."

He leans in, like he's about to tell a great secret. "Hyungie, I think Dr. Jeon is a robot."

Taehyung can't hold back the laugh at that. "Why do you say that?"

"He remembers everything! He has to be a computer or something! Remember that one movie we watched with all the robots and they knew all the answers to all the questions? That's Dr. Jeon. He even knows why the sky is blue!"

Taehyung opens his mouth to say something, but just then there's a knock on the door and Jeongguk strides in, looking down at the chart in his hand.

"Hey Jimin, how are--," He stops in his tracks when he notices Taehyung and Hoseok in the room. He smiles at Hoseok, glancing shyly at Taehyung before walking over to the bed.

"Hi," he says quietly, bringing his hand up as though to wave, but hesitates and ends up scratching behind his ear. The motion is so awkward and endearing Taehyung beams at him.

"Hey! How are you?" Taehyung asks.

Jeongguk gives him a small smile. "I'm alright. You?"

"Great!"

Jeongguk nods. "That's good," he murmurs.

Jimin watches this interaction closely, "Dr. Jeon, do you have a crush on hyungie?" Jeongguk knocks his elbow against the edge of the bed and curses. Taehyung reaches forward across the bed to steady Jeongguk when he wobbles.

"W-why would you think that?" Jeongguk stutters, holding his elbow and looking mildly distraught. He looks at Taehyung, who's still gripping his arm. "I'm okay, Taehyung," he says, stepping out of his reach. Taehyung smiles sheepishly, settling back into his chair.

"I'm a kid. I know things," Jimin replies smartly. Jeongguk shoots Taehyung an unreadable look and moves over to the computer.

"Did the nurse give you your meds yet?" Jeongguk changes the subject quickly as he opens Jimin's file on the computer. Jimin nods, cuddling with the Minion.

"Made a new friend?" he asks, rubbing his elbow and grimacing.

Jimin nods. "I'm gonna name it Dr. Jeon," he says and Jeongguk's eyebrows shoot up. "So when the real Dr. Jeon isn't here he can be my friend," he explains, like it's as simple as that.

Taehyung rubs his chest. The feels, he bemoans, because the idea of Jeongguk being so comfortable and winning Jimin over makes his heart ache. Jimin always had something like a sixth sense and he could always tell when someone was good and not. If Jimin liked-- loved-- Jeongguk then Taehyung knew Jeongguk hadn't lost his kind heart.

Jeongguk scans over the screen, frowning. Taehyung doesn't know whether he heard Jimin's comment or not, considering the intense focus on the monitor.

"Dr. Jeon?" Jimin asks, voice small. That seems to snap Jeongguk out of it. He looks up and smiles tightly at Jimin.

"Sorry, kiddo. Mind if I talk to your hyung outside for a sec?"

Jimin nods and Taehyung frowns, getting out of his chair,following after Jeongguk as he steps into the hall.

"What's wrong?" Taehyung asks immediately, voice hushed.

Jeongguk sighs. "His recent physical... isn't as great as we were hoping. I think he must have either really exerted himself the last couple months or he just wasn't ready to begin with."

A twinge of anxiety creeps up Taehyung's spine. "So what are you saying?"

Jeongguk looks Taehyung right in the eye. "I have to put him back in the wheelchair."

"What?"

Jeongguk shoots a wary look at the door, a warning for Taehyung to lower his voice.

"Why?" Taehyung asks, more quiet this time. "He just got out of it. Do you know how happy he is when he's up and walking?"

"I know, Taehyung. I've seen it. But I can't risk that for him right now. I want him to be as safe and healthy as he can. I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to."

And of course, Jeongguk is right. Taehyung can't protest. He's not a doctor; he doesn't know anything. "He's going to be so upset," he says weakly.

"I know that too. But I need you on my side here, okay? If we're both on the same page it'll be easier for him to accept it."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Jeongguk nods, setting his back straight and pursing his lips as they both walk back into the room. Jeongguk crouches down so he's level with Jimin.

"Were you guys having a super secret adult talk?" Jimin asks curiously. Jeongguk gives Taehyung a look.

"Something like that. But now I'm gonna tell you too, okay?" Jimin nods. "You know your hyung and I only want the best for you, right?" Jimin nods again. "So whatever we have to do, we do it because we want to see you healthy, okay?"

"What's wrong?" Jimin says immediately, lips stuck out in worry.

Jeongguk sighs. "You have to start using the wheelchair again, Jimin."

The swiftness with which Jimin's face drops is alarming. "I don't want to," he says, voice deadly serious.

"You have to, though, Jimin. For a little while. Not for too long, just until you're feeling better--"

"I don't want to!" Jimin screams and Taehyung's jaw goes slack, heart lurching in his chest. In the few years he'd known Park Jimin, he'd been nothing but an angel. He'd never seen him like this, throwing something akin to a tantrum. Jeongguk doesn't look the slightest bit phased.

"Jimin, I know you don't like it, but I know you want to be healthy and--"

"No no no no!" Jimin wails, pounding his hands against his mattress as tears streak down his cheeks. Taehyung feels rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do. He wishes he could make a joke, try to soothe the crying boy, but he's frozen.

Jeongguk just keeps calm, reaching for Jimin's hand-- the one with the catheter on it--and pulls out the tubing, before pulling Jimin's sheets back and opening his arms. Jimin's small frame is shaking with his sobs, alternating with shrieks and wails.

"Come on, kiddo," Jeongguk says softly and Jimin looks up, eyes wet and red.

"I d-don't want to go anywhere," he says, hiccuping between words.

"But I have to tell you a secret. Don't you want to know?" Jeongguk asks, eyes wide as though he's genuinely shocked. Jimin nods, still blubbering a bit. Jeongguk widens his arms as an invitation and Jimin doesn't hesitate to lean forward and let Jeongguk pull him into his arms.

Five minutes, Jeongguk mouths to Taehyung, who can only nod and watch as Jeongguk walks out the door with Jimin crying into his neck. He shuffles towards the door and peers out, watching Jeongguk make a round of the hall, murmuring something into Jimin's ear as he goes.

"That escalated quickly," Hoseok mumbles, stepping up next to Taehyung to watch Jeongguk and Jimin. Taehyung hums, because his tongue feels like sandpaper in his mouth. "Think the kid'll be okay?"

"Yeah," Taehyung croaks. "Jeongguk's got him."

And the words soothe him more than he'd expected. Jeongguk's got him. Taehyung trusts Jeongguk, knows his capabilities. That no matter what happened he'd take care of it.

Something close to five minutes does pass before Jeongguk heads back towards Jimin's room and Taehyung hurries back to his seat. Jeongguk nods to Taehyung, like he's saying , everything's okay, and he gently places a (now) very exhausted Jimin back onto his bed.

Jeongguk is careful not to jostle him as he fixes all the IVs back into the catheter and Taehyung reaches to pull the blanket over Jimin and settle him in.

"Dr. Jeon?" Jimin says sleepily, voice hoarse from crying.

"Yeah?" Jeongguk asks, fiddling with the saline and medication drips.

"Tomorrow I want two dinosaur band aids."

Jeongguk smiles down at Jimin fondly. "You drive a hard bargain, kid."

"I want three now."

"Alright alright. I'll give you three. But you have to keep your promise, alright?" Jeongguk says, voice taking on a note of secrecy for Jimin's benefit. Jimin nods sleepily and holds out his hand.

"Pinky promise," Jimin says.

"Pinky promise," Jeongguk affirms, linking their fingers together, and it's almost comical how impossibly small Jimin's soft, pudgy fingers are in comparison to Jeongguk's wide, calloused ones. Taehyung bites his lip.

And with that done, Jimin promptly falls asleep. Taehyung gives Jeongguk a questioning look and he just shakes his head. Taehyung can't fathom what Jeongguk could have said to Jimin to make him calm down so quickly. Maybe it's not something for him to know.

"He's okay," Jeongguk assures Taehyung and it helps the churning in his stomach. He grabs Jimin's paper file from where he'd placed it on top of the computer keyboard and makes a few notes on it before closing it, satisfied.

He looks up at Taehyung, stuffing his pen back into his breast pocket. He shuffles his feet awkwardly like he's looking for something to say. "I-- Your check up is tomorrow..." he says.

"Thanks for reminding me," Taehyung says, smiling.

"Don't be late," Jeongguk says, but there's no malice behind it. It sounds a bit forced, like he's trying to be light-hearted but it's too strained to be humorous. Taehyung brushes it off. It's better than how they were a week ago.

"Yessir," Taehyung says, saluting, and Jeongguk reddens before heading towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," he says, nodding a goodbye to Hoseok as well.

"See you tomorrow."

♥︎

"Breathe in."

Taehyung takes in as deep a breath as physiologically possible and he ends up with a lung full of Jeongguk's cologne. His body goes weak at that, heat pooling in his stomach, and he coughs in surprise at the sudden, knee jerk reaction to Jeongguk's smell.

Jeongguk pulls back instantly, frowning. "Are you alright?" he asks, voice laced with genuine worry.

"Fine," Taehyung croaks out, eyes watering a bit from the burning in his mouth.

"Can I get you some water? Do you need to lie down?"

"No no, I swear I'm fine," Taehyung says dismissively, mildly embarrassed, but Jeongguk doesn't seem to have a clue, so he plays it off. "Just had one of those sudden scratches at the back of my throat. You know?" Jeongguk eyes him with concern. "Anyways, sorry to interrupt. You can go back to doing your doctor thing now."

That gets Taehyung a hint of a smile from Jeongguk and he thinks all is not yet lost.

"Alright," Jeongguk says softly and leans in again. Taehyung resists the urge to shut his eyes, because Jeongguk is too damn close . Taehyung can see the scarring behind Jeongguk's ear, count his eyelashes, smell his cologne. And Jeongguk is just so warm, his entire body radiating this comforting heat near Taehyung and it's so nice, considering how frigid this room is.

Jeongguk presses his hand slowly-- hesitantly?-- against Taehyung's back as he presses the head of the stethoscope just barely to the left of center on Taehyung's chest and furrows his eyebrows in concentration. The heat of his hand bleeds through the thin fabric of Taehyung's gown. He suppresses the urge to shiver, though it's hard enough trying to maintain his embarrassingly quick heart rate, much less any other reaction he might have when Jeongguk is close. He's so focused on his own problems that he doesn't notice the stethoscope tremble in Jeongguk's hand.

"You're so tense," Jeongguk says softly and Taehyung wants to melt against the words. It feels almost silly, how drawn he is to the man. They'd only slept together three times-- and only once had it actually gone well-- and it still isn't clear what they are, but Taehyung thinks he might be a little bit in love already.

"No, I'm not," Taehyung says on reflex. Jeongguk smiles knowingly (What could he know?) and glances down at Taehyung's hands, currently clenched tight against the edge of the examination bed. "Oh," he says, unfurling his fingers in surprise.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Jeongguk asks and the anxiousness in his tone throws Taehyung off. This Jeongguk-- gentle, awkward, hesitant Jeongguk-- is someone who Taehyung had thought he'd lost a long time ago. He doesn't know what to make of Jeongguk's behavior in this situation.

"What? No I just--" Taehyung swallows and briefly considers the idea that he might make Jeongguk uncomfortable. "It's been a long day," he says finally, sighing.

"I second that," Jeongguk says, looking a bit relieved, and Taehyung is disappointed when he steps back completely, draping the stethoscope around his neck.

"So what's the verdict, doc?" Taehyung asks, trying to dispel the odd, thick feeling in the air as Jeongguk settles down on the stool by the computer and starts typing away at what Taehyung assumes is his chart.

"You look healthy. Though your blood pressure is a bit high. You measure it regularly, right?"

Taehyung nods. It'd become something like a habit in the last couple of months, checking his blood pressure every couple of hours. "It's been around 140/80."

Jeongguk nods. "It's a bit high. I might increase your dosage of beta blockers." Taehyung tries hard not to scrunch his face in distaste. He hated medication, since it had been such a consistent factor in his life growing up, and now he was on a whole cocktail of them as prescribed by one Dr. Jeon Jeongguk.

"Are you exercising regularly?" Jeongguk asks.

Taehyung smiles sheepishly. "About that..."

Jeongguk gives him a look akin to one of a disappointed mother. "Regular exercise is really important, Taehyung. It--"

"--helps regeneration of cells and a quicker recovery, I know, I know. I've just been busy!" Jeongguk purses his lips and gives him another look. "I'll try harder from now on," Taehyung tacks on at the end and it doesn't seem to appease Jeongguk in the least, but he goes back to typing at the computer anyway.

"It seemed pretty empty in the waiting room," Taehyung says, after a minute of quiet, save for the rhythmic tapping of keys. "Am I the last one for the day?"

Jeongguk nods. "I'm... going to go see my noona afterwards," he divulges, almost reluctantly.

Taehyung perks up at that. "I was going to go see hyung. Want to go together?"

Jeongguk stares blankly at Taehyung for a moment and he fears he might have overstepped some massive boundary. "Okay," Jeongguk says quietly, much to Taehyung's relief. "I can... drive you, if you want," he adds quickly.

Happiness bubbles under Taehyung's skin and he beams. "That would be great, thank you!"

Jeongguk offers him a small smile and it's quiet as they wrap up the appointment. Taehyung waits for Jeongguk in the lobby, chatting with his receptionist-- a really sweet girl named Wheein-- after settling the date for his next checkup.

Taehyung smiles when Jeongguk walks out, leather bag in one hand, coat draped over the other, and all bundled up in a black coat and grey scarf.

"Good night, Wheein," Jeongguk says, bowing his head as he goes.

"Good night, Dr. Jeon," Wheein chirps. Taehyung waves as he follows Jeongguk out of the office space and into the hall to take the elevator down. Jeongguk's office was on one of the top floors of a highrise building and most of the spaces had been bought by medical professionals for their private practice. Taehyung remembers being here a few times, on lower floors, to meet with various consultants when he was younger.

They step into the elevator together and ride down in companionable silence. Taehyung steals glances at Jeongguk out of the corner of his eye. Three months ago, he'd met this man for the first time in ten years and everything looked like it was shattered beyond repair.

Yet here they were, standing side by side, not necessarily friends, but moving towards something intimate. Taehyung bites his lip to keep himself from smiling. He's itching to push forward, make progress, but he knows they have to go at Jeongguk's pace. He'd always been the more reserved one, while Taehyung dived head-first into things. But he's willing to wait for however long it takes. He doesn't want to mess this up.

And Taehyung gets it. He understands Jeongguk's hesitation, his awkwardness. They're still on shaky ground and it was hard to tell what might trigger a bad memory from the past and set them back again if they weren't careful. Careful , yes they definitely had to be careful. Youth was beautiful because there were no consequences. No ulterior motives, no scars, no secrets. Just love, no matter how fleeting. The adult world wasn't like that. Everyone carried the burden of their past on their shoulders, and worries about the future. And love was harder to find, hidden under all those defenses made to keep the hurt out.

But it's worth it, isn't it? Taehyung wonders whether he and Jeongguk have a chance. Things wouldn't-- couldn't-- ever be the same, but maybe they could trust each other again. Taehyung doesn't know whether Jeongguk trusts him, but he wants to earn it.

Lost in his thoughts, Taehyung doesn't register getting out of the elevator and following Jeongguk through the parking garage until they stop in front of a black Audi. Jeongguk unlocks the car and they settle inside quickly.

Taehyung takes a moment to register Jeongguk's sleek black Audi. There was always something to be said about someone's personality as a reflection of their car. And Jeongguk's... has nothing in it. It's impossibly clean, not a speck of dust to be seen, no half-full water bottles or spare change in the cup holders. Just a pair of black aviators and the lingering scent of his cologne.

"Your car is really clean," Taehyung says aloud. Jeongguk gives him an odd look as he backs out of the parking space.

"I don't like messes," he says simply, driving expertly out of the the parking garage and into the busy Seoul traffic.

Taehyung remembers brief flashes of the inside of Jeongguk's home from when he'd been inside a few days ago. Everything was black and white with not a single thing out of place. Then again, Taehyung had been abysmally drunk and there were three Jeongguk's spinning around in his blurry vision.

"I... should apologize for what happened a couple nights ago. I don't... usually drink like that, but I was feeling sorry for myself and I'm sufficiently embarrassed. I'm sorry."

The silence is thick in the car for a moment, save for the humming of the heater.

"It's okay. I... understand why you did that."

Taehyung looks at Jeongguk hesitantly. "Really?"

Jeongguk shrugs, staring forward at the road, the picture of calm, but his fingers grip the steering wheel tightly. "Yeah. If I was in your position, I probably would have done the same thing. So. It's okay. You don't have to apologize."

Taehyung bites his lip, fiddling with his fingers.

"And--" Taehyung looks up again. "I'm glad you came to me. If it had been anyone else, I don't know whether you'd have gotten home safely. You have really bad eating habits, you know that? I feel like I need to make you a meal plan or something. If you don't--"

"Shhh--" Taehyung says, gripping Jeongguk's arm for a moment. Jeongguk gives him a quick glance, caught off guard. "Let me enjoy a moment of you being pleasant before you turn all annoying again," he jokes, but Jeongguk's face drops.

"Was I? I'm sorry, I didn't mean it--"

It takes a moment to process the sudden change and Jeongguk rambles, apologizing every other word and Taehyung can't understand why, but then it clicks.

"Dude it's a joke. I was joking. You're not being annoying," Taehyung assures. Jeongguk inhales sharply, ears tipping red in the late afternoon sun. "I'd tell you if you actually crossed a line," Taehyung smiles. "It's actually touching how much you worry about me."

Jeongguk scowls. "It's 'cuz I'm your doctor. I can't have you dying on me just 'cuz you have no common sense."

Taehyung scoffs. "While I can agree with the validity of that statement, I'm still butthurt."

"I'll cook you dinner to make up for it."

Taehyung thinks Jeongguk probably didn't realize what he'd said until after he'd said it. "I-I mean. If you want. I don't know if my cooking's even that good. You probably had dinner already. Forget it, i-it was stupid I don't know why I said that."

Taehyung pouts. "Really? You want me to forget you said that?" Jeongguk drums his fingers against the steering wheel nervously. "'Cuz I was really looking forward to a home-cooked meal. Damn."

Jeongguk is silent for a while. Taehyung wonders whether he'd overstepped a massive boundary again. "Do you want to? Have dinner with me, I mean."

"I'd love to, if you're okay with that. I'm pretty sure your cooking is way better than mine anyways."

Jeongguk side-eyes Taehyung. "I wouldn't call what you do cooking. It's more like a potential nuclear disaster."

"The microwave exploded one time, Jeongguk. It was one time!"

"You almost set your apartment on fire! Who puts metal chopsticks in the microwave?"

"I just forgot, okay?" Taehyung pouts, crossing his arms over his chest and staring out his window.

"It's okay. If you promise to stay far away from the kitchen, I'll cook you dinner."

Taehyung grins. "Deal."

♥︎

The light, teasing mood in the car turns heavy when Jeongguk turns into the cemetery parking lot. Visiting this place carries bad memories for both of them and just entering the space wipes the smiles off their faces.

"I'll just go--" Taehyung points to Namjoon's white mausoleum structure. Jeongguk nods, already a bit distracted. They part ways and Jeongguk heads over to Sojin's grave.

"Hey, noona," he murmurs, stuffing his hands in his pockets. It's getting colder now, as winter approaches. The wind blows and the autumn leaves sweep past the grave stone.

I have no idea what I'm doing, Jeongguk thinks, frowning. He prided himself on his cool, calm exterior, but ever since Taehyung had cracked it, he felt unsure. It isn't a bad feeling, but he does feel more vulnerable than ever before and it sets him on edge. He doesn't want to push Taehyung. He wants to be careful. He doesn't want to lose whatever they have, what they're slowly starting to build.

But what if I'm not good enough? Every person who Jeongguk has ever cared about in his life has left him in some form. Sojin was dead, Seokjin had left for Europe, and Taehyung... he had lost Taehyung. But now he had him back, but it was scarier than ever. It was only time before Taehyung left him again. There's something about me, Jeongguk thinks , that makes everyone leave.

And the revelation feels like a punch in the gut. He lets out a startled breath, staring down at the engraved granite, reading the line Park Sojin over and over again. There's a familiar burning under his skin and Jeongguk wonders why he comes to Sojin's grave so often if he knows he's just going to suffer every moment he's there.

"I-I--" Jeongguk stammers into the air, pulling his hands out of his pockets and clenching them tightly. Shit. Shit shit shit. Jeongguk wonders why he has to be in his head all the time, why he has to doubt every moment in his life, and work himself up like this for no reason --

"Hey," Taehyung says softly, stepping up beside him. Jeongguk doesn't make any motion to acknowledge him, still staring down at the plaque. How can someone love me if I can't even love myself?

But then Taehyung reaches for one of his hands, uncurls it, and tangles his own fingers in his. The warmth of it soothes Jeongguk, grounding him, and he lets out a breath, deeper and more calm this time.

"Hi, Sojin ssi," Taehyung murmurs. "I-I only met you once but... you must be one of the most selfless, hardworking people I know. Thank you for protecting Jeongguk the best you could."

Jeongguk swallows thickly, clutching Taehyung's hand tight. When was the last time someone held his hand?

"We're both kinda the same, I guess. We both left Jeongguk, probably when he needed us most. But you wouldn't have, if you had the choice. You would still be here, by his side, I know that. And I guess... I guess you're still watching over him, protecting him. How else could he have become the amazing man he is today?" Taehyung exhales sharply, his breath curling up in the air in front of him. "But I'm here now. I'll stay by his side and we'll take care of each other. I promise. So you don't have to worry anymore."

Jeongguk listens to Taehyung's words half desperate, half disbelieving. How could Taehyung have known what he was thinking?

"Let's go home," Taehyung says after a moment of quiet, pressing closer until his chin is resting on Jeongguk's shoulder. Time stands still, for one brief second, and Jeongguk wonders if this-- Taehyung's comforting breath on his neck-- is his reality now. He doesn't know where they stand yet, what they mean to each other quite yet, but he wants Taehyung close.

Jeongguk is so frightened, but everything feels so new when he doesn't have the burden of rage on his shoulders. He wonders whether he's doing and saying the right things, because now that he's not angry, he's just... confused.

But Taehyung's hand is solid and warm against his, reminding him that for now, this is enough.

"Y-yeah. Let's go home."

♥︎

They drive back to The Tower in silence, both caught up in their own thoughts. Visiting lost loved ones could be fulfilling and soothing even, but it took it's toll, on the body and the mind. It can make someone feel like they've left part of themselves behind. That was the way with the dead, it seemed. They occupy others' minds and hearts, long after they were gone. Jeongguk parks in the structure and they head to the elevators quickly to escape the biting cold. It had turned dark so quickly and Taehyung sticks close to Jeongguk, craving his warmth as they slip back into the land of the living.

They stand shoulder to shoulder as the elevator goes up. For the first time, they're not standing on opposite ends of the space, trying to keep away from each other. Now, the backs of their knuckles brush and Taehyung bites his lip to keep from smiling about it.

When the elevator doors slide open on their floor, they step out together, walking in companionable silence. Taehyung feels a little jittery as Jeongguk punches the code into his lock. It would be the first time he'd properly see Jeongguk's home, the first time he'd be invited in, instead of intruding in Jeongguk's space.

"You can hang your coat there," Jeongguk says, pointing to the closet right by the front door. He sets his bag down on the table beside it and places his keys into a bowl. Taehyung nods, unwinding his scarf and watching Jeongguk move around his space.

Jeongguk's house is much like Jeongguk's car-- spotless and sleek, like it's right out of a modern home magazine. But that's what throws Taehyung off. It's too perfect, Taehyung thinks as he hangs up his coat and scarf before trailing after Jeongguk. The living room shows hardly any signs of someone living here. And neither does the dining room, save for the framed MD-PhD diploma hanging on one of the walls. Nothing looks like it's been used and Taehyung figures Jeongguk wouldn't be one for having company.

The kitchen, however, is a different story. Though it's spotless and organized and sleek, Taehyung can tell Jeongguk spends a lot of time here.

"What do you want me to do?" Taehyung asks. Jeongguk looks up from rolling up one of the sleeves of his dress shirt and smiles.

"You can sit over there in the corner." Jeongguk nods his head in the direction of the breakfast bar in front of him, a steep marble countertop with matching stools. "Away from the kitchen."

Taehyung pouts, but scuttles over anyways, because Jeongguk is probably right. He hops onto one of the stools and turns it so he can watch Jeongguk. Without the white coat or the winter coat Taehyung can truly appreciate Jeongguk's frame. He's in a deep blue dress shirt and a black vest and tie, and he looks so painfully good in it Taehyung wonders if they can't just skip dinner and get to the sexy parts. The vest hugs Jeongguk's wide shoulders and the broad expanse of his chest. And with the sleeves rolled up, Taehyung can see the veins of his forearms and the outline of bulging biceps.

"What's on the menu, chef?" Taehyung asks teasingly, unable to resist spinning himself around in his chair. Jeongguk smiles at him, amused.

"We can have whatever you want."

Taehyung hums in thought. "Pasta? LIke the healthy kind with actual vegetables. To appease my conscious for having take out too many times this last week."

Jeongguk frowns as he slips a black apron over his head and ties it behind his back. Why does that make him look ten times hotter? Taehyung bemoans.

"You really shouldn't be eating like that," Jeongguk chastises, getting out a pot and filling it with water before putting it on the stove to boil. "You'd think someone with your kind of resources would have a chef or something."

"I mean, I used to, but after I moved I just kinda... forgot."

Jeongguk raises an eyebrow as he gets out a cutting board and a rather intimidating looking knife (which Taehyung figures he should stay far away from). "What about Hoseok? He's your assistant, isn't he?"

Taehyung sighs. "Well yeah but he's super busy too, especially with all the heart center stuff going on right now. I don't want to bother him right now."

If possible, Jeongguk raises his eyebrow even higher than before, and gives Taehyung an odd look, before shaking his head and smiling fondly. "Well if you're going to be that stubborn, then you might as well learn a thing or two."

Uh oh. "What does that mean?" Taehyung asks, suddenly nervous.

"You're going to help me with dinner."

Taehyung's face morphs into one of horror. "Can't I just sit here and look pretty?"

Jeongguk scoffs, crooking his finger and beckoning Taehyung closer. "You can look pretty and cut vegetables. I'm being really generous here, feeding you and offering to teach you how to cook."

"Oh my god," Taehyung mumbles under his breath as he hops off his perch and stands next to Jeongguk.

"You're gonna cut the veggies for me while I get the skillet ready, okay?" Jeongguk orders, pointing to the zucchini and cherry tomatoes on the counter.

"Uhm, okay... I'll just," Taehyung grapples with the knife and grabs the zucchini. He holds it up, inspecting it. "What am I even supposed to do with this?"

Jeongguk sighs, moving away from the stove to take the zucchini and knife out of Taehyung's hands. He puts it down and cuts it into four long strips. "You can just cube it," he instructs, handing the knife carefully back to Taehyung.

Taehyung takes the knife back hesitantly and takes one of the quarters, cutting it into small pieces.

"You don't have to be so nervous," Jeongguk says, laughing. "Here," he murmurs, coming up behind Taehyung and it takes everything in his power not to drop the knife. Jeongguk covers his hands over Taehyung's, grabbing two of the stalks and guiding Taehyung through the motions of it.

Taehyung doesn't know whether to tense up completely or melt back against Jeongguk's chest. It feels like too long since they'd been physically close like this and Taehyung is a little dizzy from Jeongguk's cologne.

But as they keep chopping, Taehyung relaxes and is able to focus on the vegetables instead of the way Jeongguk's arms brush up against his and flex with the movements. The task of cutting vegetables suddenly seems enjoyable.

"You know, if you just taught me to cook like this I think I'd be more enthusiastic about it," Taehyung says and it's the first attempt he's made at flirting with Jeongguk. Jeongguk tenses up, as though suddenly aware of their very intimate position, and he backs away immediately.

"I-- uh... sorry," Jeongguk mumbles.

Taehyung laughs. "Why are you sorry? I liked it."

Jeongguk swallows thickly, as awkward as ever. "I-- Okay."

And for a minute, it's weird, as Jeongguk fiddles with the stove and the skillet, but things settle back to normal rather quickly. "Chop these carrots too, okay?" he says, putting two down on the cutting board when Taehyung finishes with the zucchini and the tomatoes.

Taehyung sets to work, but it only takes a few seconds for Jeongguk to come back again, this time pressing his entire body against Taehyung. Jeongguk takes his time running his hands down Taehyung's hands to his fingertips, curling his hands around Taehyung's again, but this time, Taehyung can tell everything he's doing is on purpose. A pleased flush rises to Taehyung's cheeks as Jeongguk wraps around him.

"You don't have to chop it up so small. Just half it--" Jeongguk guides the knife down the carrot, "--then cube it like with the others. And go slowly. Don't get too cocky yet." The last part feels like it's not about the vegetables.

And then Jeongguk pulls away again to check on the pasta. Taehyung sets his mouth in a determined line. He needs a taste of his own medicine. Because no one is better at flirting than Kim Taehyung. No one is better at teasing and acting coy, getting people worked up just the way he wanted.

When he finishes chopping, he turns to find Jeongguk looking through the fridge. He smiles and slips up behind him. "What're you looking for?" he murmurs against Jeongguk's ear, letting his hand slip past the apron so he can thumb at the waistband of Jeongguk's slacks.

"Uh--," Jeongguk stammers. He suddenly can't remember his original intentions, not with Taehyung rubbing right over his prominent v-line. He reaches out and grabs the first thing he sees. "Milk," he says.

"Milk? Do you need milk for pasta?" Taehyung asks, pulling his lips down into a frown, though he wants to laugh.

"Uh, n-no, not really," Jeongguk says, putting it back. "But for some recipes you do. I j-just forgot about this one." Real smooth, Jeon Jeongguk.

Taehyung smiles. "Of course."

They flirt easily back and forth like that with a lot more touching-- Taehyung brushing against Jeongguk when he walks by, Jeongguk placing his hand at the small of Taehyung's back when they're side by side. It's like they're playing some sort of game to see who can rile each other up the most.

In less than thirty minutes, they successfully make a meal, Taehyung's body is thrumming with warmth from where Jeongguk had touched him and he doesn't set off the fire alarm once.

"You know, I was expecting something to explode," Jeongguk confesses as they bring their plates and glasses of wine to the dining table.

"Again, I'm butthurt, but yeah, me too." Taehyung laughs, settling in across from Jeongguk and digging in. He takes a large bite, and groans in happiness as the flavors burst on his tongue. "I am so happy right now," he says with his mouth full, table manners be damned.

He chews enthusiastically, pausing only when he notices Jeongguk staring at him oddly. "What?" he asks, swallowing.

Jeongguk's eyebrows pull together. "Nothing just. I think I've sat here once before, with Seokjin? I'm not used to having company."

Taehyung tilts his head. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it's not that," Jeongguk sits up straighter, scrambling to reword things. "It's-- It's nice. I like it. Having you here."

Taehyung smiles, stabbing at a chunk of tomato with his fork. "You know, Jeongguk, for a nerd, you sure are smooth," he says, brandishing the fork in the air, before popping the food into his mouth. Except that he misses his mouth and ends up stabbing his lip. He startles, putting the fork down, and winces.

"Oww," Taehyung whines, pressing his fingers against his lip. Jeongguk looks like he's trying very hard to hold back laughter. "No, go ahead. Laugh at me. Mock my pain."

And Jeongguk does laugh. It's a throw-your-head-back-and-clutch-your-stomach kind of laugh, reverberating through the entire room, and Jeongguk just looks so... relaxed and undone that Taehyung smiles despite the pain and the bruised ego.

And then Jeongguk snorts . It's completely out of the blue and Taehyung jumps a little. Jeongguk looks a little mortified, but it just makes Taehyung burst out into laughter too. Soon, they're both shaking with laughter.

It dies down after a minute or so. Taehyung wipes at the tears from the corners of his eyes. "We are actually the two most embarrassing people on the planet," he says.

"Do you think it's the wine?" Jeongguk asks, picking up his glass and inspecting it with a wide grin.

"I haven't had more than two sips," Taehyung says.

"Me neither."

And then they're both laughing again. Taehyung doesn't even know what's so damn funny, but he's laughing and goofing off with Jeongguk and that's enough to make him let go.

Dinner passes like that and it ends up taking them over an hour to finish the meal. The food is good, but the time spent with Jeongguk is even better. They devise a "plan of attack" (Jeongguk's words) for cleaning up and Jeongguk washes the dishes as Taehyung dries them. They chat while they work and Taehyung is both amazed and pleased at how naturally charming Jeongguk is when he's comfortable.

"Where do these go?" Taehyung asks, stacking the last of the dinner plates after he'd dried them. Jeongguk points to the pantry at Taehyung's left.

"Top shelf," he says, finishing up washing his hands. Taehyung hums and opens the pantry, reaching up to place the plates, one by one, but the last one is just a little too far up for him to reach (which is shocking, considering how tall Taehyung is).

But then he feels Jeongguk come up behind him, pressing against him in an all-too familiar position as he grabs the plate from Taehyung's outstretched hand and slides it into place, before closing the cupboard. Taehyung bites back a smile as he turns and Jeongguk makes no motion to move.

"Did you do that on purpose?" Taehyung asks as Jeongguk's hands settle on his hips. Jeongguk looks relaxed and comfortable and nothing like the awkward, hesitant man from earlier.

"No, but it definitely worked to my advantage, didn't it?" Jeongguk shoots back, smirking, and his eyes are dark. There's something in the air, warm and simmering. It's different from the burning passion, scalding to the touch. No, this is something else. Something more intimate.

"Hm... depends on what it is you want," Taehyung murmurs, sliding his hands up Jeongguk's solid chest. The crisp fabric of his dress shirt feels like beautiful sin under Taehyung's fingertips.

"You," Jeongguk growls, leaning forward to kiss him, put Taehyung tilts his chin back, pressing his finger to Jeongguk's lips.

"You can have me--" Jeongguk opens his mouth to say something, but Taehyung cuts him off, "--on one condition."

Jeongguk frowns, eyes still a little glazed. "What is it?"

Taehyung smiles, just one corner of his mouth lifting up, and he tilts his head coyly. "We do it my way."

"And what way is that?" Jeongguk presses his hips against Taehyung's, their lengths pressing together so deliciously Taehyung jerks. But he won't be deterred. He won't let Jeongguk always have the upper hand. And he needs this. He needs this intimacy with Jeongguk.

He thumbs at the column of Jeongguk's throat, before dragging his fingers down to the collar of Jeongguk's shirt. He keeps his eyes on Jeongguk's as he undoes the knot of his silk tie and lets it drop to the ground. He undoes the vest and slides it off Jeongguk's shoulders, then pops the first two buttons of the shirt, eyes flitting to the newly exposed skin and back up.

And then he leans forward to brush his lips against Jeongguk's, just barely. But it makes Jeongguk impatient, rolling his hips forward, and Taehyung gasps, before laughing breathlessly. "Fuck me from the front this time," he murmurs, body jerking again as Jeongguk grinds against him.

"Slowly. Make me-- ah-- make me beg for it," Taehyung says, losing his breath and his train of thought as the heat pools quickly in his stomach.

Taehyung feels Jeongguk's lips curve into a smirk against his own. "That, I can do," he murmurs, and it sounds so dangerous, so predatory, that Taehyung lets out a stuttered breath, and he finally finally presses his lips against Jeongguk's.

And from there, Taehyung drops all attempts at control, letting Jeongguk wrap around him, consume him like the fire blazing under his skin. Jeongguk starts off slow, until Taehyung is moaning for more, pressing closer and squirming against him. And then his kisses are merciless, as he slips his tongue into Taehyung's mouth without needing to ask, not when Taehyung's opened his mouth for him, begging him to take him.

Jeongguk grips Taehyung's hips and lifts him up so he's perched on the counter and Taehyung hums into his mouth, pleased, and wraps his legs and arms around Jeongguk, pulling him closer and closer.

Taehyung tugs at Jeongguk's hair as they kiss, wet and noisy and so so good. Jeongguk is intense as always, managing to wreck Taehyung so thoroughly in mere minutes that he can barely get a grip on himself when they break apart for air.

Jeongguk doesn't stop kissing Taehyung, mouthing along his jaw and his neck, undoing just enough buttons of his shirt so he can pull the fabric down, exposing Taehyung's shoulders, and he leans in, sucking desperately against the sweet skin.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung gasps, tilting his head back and letting his eyes screw shut as Jeongguk laves his tongue against him, making his first mark of the night. Jeongguk pulls away once the skin is bruised to his satisfaction and looks at Taehyung, before leaning in for another deep kiss.

"Do you want me to fuck you on the counter? Or on the bed...?" Jeongguk asks, voice deep and husky, the way it gets when he's just as far gone as Taehyung. Taehyung lets out a stuttered moan as he bucks up against Jeongguk's body at the words. Jeongguk pulls back, teasing. "Your choice."

It takes Taehyung a moment to calm himself enough to give a coherent answer. "Bed," he mumbles, leaning forward, aching to have Jeongguk's lips against his again and it seems to do the trick, because Jeongguk gives it to him; lets him have his kiss as he pulls Taehyung closer, secure against his body.

Just when Taehyung thinks he couldn't be any more wrecked, Jeongguk hefts him up into his arms, not breaking the kiss, and walks them both out of the kitchen. Taehyung lets out a desperate noise, tangling his fingers into Jeongguk's hair and tugging at the roots wildly.

Jeongguk seems to like that, groaning into Taehyung's mouth, and Taehyung's body is wracked with shivers, knowing Jeongguk is enjoying this just as much as he is. Taehyung doesn't register what direction they're going in, only focusing on the drag of Jeongguk's mouth against his and only jerks back to reality when his back hits what he guesses is the bedroom door as Jeongguk grapples for the doorknob.

And then they're in Jeongguk's room and Jeongguk's laying him down on his bed . Taehyung sinks into the mattress and the cool, soft sheets are a sudden change to the heat of Jeongguk's body against him. He scoots up on the bed, trying to undo the rest of the buttons on Jeongguk's shirt, but Jeongguk grabs his wrists, tight in one hand, and a whine bubbles at Taehyung's throat.

"You said you wanted slow, right?" Jeongguk asks and Taehyung can't tell whether he's teasing or serious. He bites his lip, nodding jerkily. Jeongguk pushes him back against the pillows. "Then relax. I'll take care of it."

There's a gentleness to Jeongguk's voice that makes Taehyung tremble and he lets Jeongguk settle easily between his legs. He tries very desperately to keep eye contact as Jeongguk tugs his shirt from where it's tucked into his pants, popping the buttons ever so slowly and then sliding it off, dropping it somewhere in the vast expanse of his bed.

Taehyung's mouth runs dry, realizing that he'd never properly seen Jeongguk's body until now, and it's a sight to behold-- thick, taut muscle, and ridged abs, inked all over with swirling patterns, words, names, lyrics to songs Taehyung doesn't know. It's incredible how different Jeongguk looks like this-- grown up, so so handsome, and very intent on getting what he wants.

Jeongguk leans forward after a moment, kissing Taehyung again, and Taehyung's hand curls around the nape of Jeongguk's neck as Jeongguk steals all the air in his lungs. His moans are muffled by Jeongguk's mouth and he swallows the noises, greedy for them. Taehyung scores his hands down the smooth, hard expanse of Jeongguk's back, marveling at the heat and how the lust curls painfully in his stomach.

And then Jeongguk moves his lips down, dropping indulgent, open-mouthed kisses along his neck, licking at Taehyung's bobbing Adam's apple, and grazing his teeth over his collarbones. He brings a hand up to deftly work at the buttons on Taehyung's rumpled shirt, kissing at the exposed skin as he goes.

Taehyung tangles his fingers in Jeongguk's hair, tilting his head back and gasping as Jeongguk mouths at his nipple, hot and wet. Taehyung arches up when Jeongguk tugs at it with his teeth, letting out a sob and digging his fingers further into Jeongguk's scalp.

"God, you're so sensitive," Jeongguk murmurs, pulling away to look down at Taehyung, mouth open like he's in awe. Taehyung can feel Jeongguk drinking him in-- and he must look quite the vision, still mostly dressed, skin flushed to his chest, and a wet spot forming at the front of his trousers. Jeongguk looks wrecked too. His normally neatly combed hair is in complete disarray, hanging over his eyes, and it makes him look wicked.

It feels like an eternity as Jeongguk just stares at him, but in reality, it's only a few seconds. Then he's leaning in again, kissing Taehyung softly, moving down again. He licks at Taehyung's other nipple and hums, pleased when Taehyung whines, and he kisses down Taehyung's chest until he's at his stomach. He kisses right below Taehyung's navel and rubs his nose against the skin, nuzzling it. Taehyung lets out a stuttered breath. His chest tightens at the frighteningly intimate gesture and he wonders whether Jeongguk's aware of what he's doing and how it's affecting Taehyung.

"You sure you want this, right?" Jeongguk asks, thumbing at the waist of Taehyung's pants.

"Yes, please, Jeongguk," Taehyung begs and Jeongguk nods, undoing the buckle of Taehyung's belt and unzipping his pants, before pulling them off entirely and tossing them away.

Taehyung gasps as the cool air hits his exposed skin and he blushes wildly, seeing how damp his boxers had gotten. Jeongguk looks amazed too, like he's seeing Taehyung for the first time and strokes his fingers along the curve of Taehyung's erection.

Taehyung bucks his hips up, the lightest sensation sending thrums of energy up his spine. Jeongguk palms him roughly and Taehyung cries out, jerking against his hand, not expecting it, and trembles back against the sheets.

Jeongguk tugs at the underwear, pulling it off completely and pauses, letting out a sharp breath as Taehyung's cock springs free and curves up against his stomach, glistening with precome. "Beautiful," he murmurs, stroking his hands against Taehyung's bare thighs and Taehyung's eyes water at the praise. Jeongguk settles back down, right between Taehyung's legs and kisses the base of his cock.

He works his way up, one hand gripping the length and then swallowing around it. Taehyung lets out the most inhumane whine and when Jeongguk sucks Taehyung bucks up his hips on instinct and Jeongguk has to use his other hand to hold Taehyung down.

It's alarming how quickly Jeongguk brings him to the edge, blowing him with the same desperation that echos in Taehyung's strangled sobs. The orgasm seems so close now, like an overstretched rubber band ready to snap at any moment.

"Jeon--ungh--Jeongguk I'm--"

And then Jeongguk slides his mouth off with a lewd pop and Taehyung comes crashing down from his high. A bewildered noise claws its way up the back of his throat and he bites his lip, watching Jeongguk watch him.

After a few moments, Jeongguk seems to be satisfied with his handiwork and straightens up. He slides his hands down from Taehyung's hips to his thighs, rounding the curves of his knees and goes back down. He lifts one leg up and mouths at the inside of Taehyung's thigh.

It's too soft, too gentle, it's so different from how Jeongguk had been just moments ago, rough and commanding, dragging loud cries past Taehyung's lips. Now he lazily works a string of hickies inside Taehyung's thigh, nipping at the skin in a warning when Taehyung whines too loud and soothes it with his tongue.

Taehyung shakes and shakes, not knowing how to take the constant change in stimulus. It feels like he's being shoved to the edge and dragged back, over and over again and he barely has time to get a grip before his world is tipping upside down again.

"You said you wanted me to make you beg, right?" Jeongguk asks darkly. He peers at Taehyung through his lashes, keeping their gazes locked as he licks his tongue against Taehyung's thigh, catching the skin between his teeth and dragging it back.

Taehyung can only nod jerkily, gasping for breath, and trying not to cry out too loudly.

"How am I doing with that?" Jeongguk's voice is teasing, like he knows exactly how well he's doing, how crazy he's driving Taehyung.

"Good, more-- p-please," Taehyung mumbles out and Jeongguk hums in ascent, leaning forward to kiss him. It feels like ages since Taehyung felt Jeongguk's mouth against his and his toes curl into the mattress. Jeongguk rolls his hips down against Taehyung and Taehyung bucks up, finding friction against Jeongguk's stomach.

Belatedly, he realizes that Jeongguk still has his pants on and he tugs at them. "Okay, okay," Jeongguk breathes, pulling back completely, and getting out of the bed. Taehyung watches, his breathing ragged, as Jeongguk walks to one of the drawers by the bed and pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom. Something about seeing them makes Taehyung's chest tighten and his face burn.

Jeongguk places them on the bed and, keeping his gaze on Taehyung, unbuckles his belt. It seems to bring Jeongguk great satisfaction, watching Taehyung's breathing hitch. The clink of the belt as it hits the ground echos through the room. Jeongguk slips out of his pants and briefs all at once and stands up straight, letting Taehyung get a good look at him.

The first of many thoughts that cross Taehyung's mind upon seeing Jeongguk's cock is, how did I fit that inside me?

Jeongguk pumps himself twice, head tilted back and eyes hooded as he gazes at Taehyung, and he looks like the definition of carnal sin. Taehyung lets out a sob, wanting so badly to touch Jeongguk. He's suddenly overcome by the need for Jeongguk to fuck into his mouth, to taste Jeongguk's come in his mouth. But he knows he can't have that yet.

"Like it?" Jeongguk asks and Taehyung doesn't know whether he's referring to his dick or the show he's putting on, but it doesn't really matter in the end.

"J-Jeongguk," Taehyung sobs and it would almost be humiliating how visceral his reactions are to everything Jeongguk does but nothing really makes sense right now and he has no awareness besides the desperate, hot pulsing of his cock and the clawing need to have Jeongguk inside him.

His reaction-- though, not an answer-- seems to satisfy Jeongguk, because he climbs back into bed and looms over Taehyung. He's struck by how ethereal Taehyung looks like this, spread out, naked, on his bed, so thoroughly wrecked and wanting him so desperately that tears cling to his eyelashes and whines bubble up his throat.

Jeongguk wonders why he hadn't considered taking Taehyung from the front before. How can he go back now, knowing how beautiful he would be like this? Unable to help himself, Jeongguk sweeps down and drops an indulgent kiss on Taehyung's eager and waiting lips.

Jeongguk could kiss Taehyung's sweet mouth for ages and the week of sexual frustration rises to the surface as he lets go of that control. He doesn't need to hold back here, not with Taehyung begging him to fuck him until he cries.

Prepping Taehyung is easy, considering how easily he opens up for him. He works mercilessly at Taehyung's prostate and gets him so terribly close to his orgasm before gripping the base of his cock and denying him release at the last moment.

"J-Jeon--" Taehyung stutters out in disbelief, bucking up against him in wild desperation.

"Not yet," Jeongguk warns, scissoring four fingers inside Taehyung. It feels like an eon for Jeongguk, stretching Taehyung out and feeling painfully aware of his own erection as Taehyung writhes underneath him.

"I-I'm ready, Jeongguk , no more please," Taehyung whines after a few moments, pushing against Jeongguk's wrist as the need to orgasm subsides. Jeongguk breathes out a sigh of relief, too low for Taehyung to hear. It takes everything in his power to keep his hands from shaking as he rolls the condom on and slicks himself up, drizzling more against Taehyung's entrance and rubbing his thumb across it appreciatively.

Jeongguk bears down on Taehyung, spreading himself out over him and nudges his cock against Taehyung's hole. "You want this, right?" he asks, for what seems like the millionth time. But he needs Taehyung to be sure, about them, about him.

Taehyung nods. "Y-yes," he gasps out and that's all Jeongguk needs before he pushes himself inside, so slowly that the feeling almost chokes him.

He buries his face into Taehyung's neck, focusing on the sting of Taehyung's nails digging into his shoulder and the sweet smell of his skin to keep from coming right there. Taehyung's heat pulses around him, so tight and perfect that it's hard for Jeongguk to imagine anything more right than this.

After a few moments, Jeongguk pulls his length out and thrusts back in. "Yes oh god," Taehyung cries out, arching up when Jeongguk presses himself in. His moans are enough for Jeongguk to build up a fast, brutal rhythm, hammering his length against Taehyung's prostate. Taehyung's cries get louder and louder, his back sliding up further and further with the force of Jeongguk's thrusts. He feels himself ready to fall over the edge, but Jeongguk notices and slows his hips until he stops altogether.

"Jeongguk why--" Taehyung hiccups when Jeongguk pulls him up and settles him in his lap.

"You don't get to come yet," Jeongguk says, voice dangerous and gentle, as he slips a hand past Taehyung's shirt (which he'd neglected to take off, all this time), stroking his side soothingly.

Taehyung whimpers, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk's neck to kiss him properly and Jeongguk lets him have his way for a moment, taking it slow until the heady feeling of Taehyung's climax goes away again.

Jeongguk drags Taehyung's shirt completely off, mouthing at his jaw and grazing his teeth against the soft skin of his neck. It's frustrating, like he can't have enough of Taehyung in his mouth, enough of the sweetness of his skin against his tongue.

Taehyung rolls his hips down and Jeongguk leans his weight back on one hand so he can thrust up and he grips Taehyung's hip, controlling the pace and thrusts up into him, slow to the point of mind-numbing agony.

Taehyung buries his face into Jeongguk's hair, muffling his cries. "J-Jeongguk, please I need to come," he begs and he realizes by Jeongguk denying him what he so desperately wants, he's getting exactly what he asked for. Though he didn't think it would be this intense, that his body would feel like it's on fire, with Jeongguk's hands leaving a scorching trail in their wake.

There must be something in his voice, something about how he trembles like he's going to fall apart at any moment, that has Jeongguk agreeing easily. He lays back on the sheets and rolls them both over, so he's on top again and kisses Taehyung quickly, before tucking his face into Taehyung's neck again and fucking in so fast Taehyung completely loses himself.

If Jeongguk teasing him was a turn on, Jeongguk giving Taehyung what he wants is bliss. Jeongguk is ruthless inside him, propping Taehyung's leg over his shoulder and ramming his cock against Taehyung's prostate that much harder and all Taehyung can do is hold on for dear life, stretched completely to the limit and throw his head back, close his eyes, and let his orgasm take him.

"Oh god," Taehyung sobs out when his climax finally hits him, arching up further than he'd ever thought his back could go and writhes against Jeongguk's body. He feels like his brain is melting, like all of his nerves had just fried and only the solid heat of Jeongguk's body on him keeps him from completely floating away.

Jeongguk keeps thrusting in, milking Taehyung's orgasm, and he comes not long after, groaning so loud that the vibrations shake Taehyung to the core. They lay like that for a minute, Jeongguk panting into Taehyung's shoulder and Taehyung slipping in and out of the haze of absolute bliss.

After regaining his breath, Jeongguk shifts, starting to pull away. "No," Taehyung whines, voice hoarse and he grips Jeongguk's arm and pulls him back.

"Tae, what--"

"P-Please don't go," Taehyung mumbles.

"I'm not, I just wanna get something to clean you up with."

"No please. Just... Stay. Please ." There's something unbearably tight in Taehyung's chest, a sob rising up his throat and Jeongguk must sense his desperation, because he concedes easily, rolling them over on their sides and tucking him close, pressing their foreheads together.

Taehyung shivers violently, struggling to press closer to Jeongguk and Jeongguk wraps him in his arms, stroking Taehyung's hair and kissing his forehead. Taehyung's breathing is still shallow and his face feels blotchy from the tears, but it's so nice, it's so so nice-- even with the come smearing everywhere-- and he wouldn't trade this for anything in the world.

He reaches up to touch Jeongguk's jaw, run his fingers down his throat and down to his chest, tracing the patterns of swirling ink. He'd never been able to look so closely before and everything about the tattoos fascinate him. He hopes he'll have more time to take them in, but right now he can't really focus.

It takes a few minutes, but when Taehyung feels more grounded, he squirms in Jeongguk's hold. Jeongguk lets go of him immediately, like he's afraid he's done something wrong. It's almost amusing how different normal Jeongguk is from bedroom Jeongguk. Taehyung finds himself loving both.

"I feel a little gross now," Taehyung murmurs.

"I'll-- get you a towel," Jeongguk stammers, finally pulling his length out of Taehyung and peeling off the condom. He pads over to the bathroom in all his naked glory and Taehyung is grateful that he's more himself so that he can drink in Jeongguk's excellent ass and the dragon tattoo that takes up the wide expanse of his back and shoulders.

"Here," Jeongguk says softly, coming back with a warm washcloth, and Taehyung struggles to push himself up. "No don't--" Jeongguk reaches out to help Taehyung lean back against the headboard. "Let me," he says quietly and Taehyung bites his lip from smiling too hard. The towel is warm and soothing against his skin and Jeongguk is so diligent and careful (it must be the surgeon in him), wiping off the come from his stomach, the slick lube from his thighs and his entrance.

Jeongguk gets up again when he feels Taehyung is sufficiently clean and tosses the towel in the hamper. Taehyung feels himself becoming more sad as the seconds pass, knowing what's going to happen.

He swings his legs over the edge of the bed gingerly, wincing a little as he shifts and Jeongguk notices.

"What are you doing?" Jeongguk asks, frowning in concern as he approaches Taehyung.

Taehyung blushes. "I-- I don't want to intrude more than I already have. I know you're busy so I'll just show myself--"

Jeongguk kneels down in front of Taehyung and grips his hands tightly. "Stay," he says and there's something almost vulnerable to the words. Jeongguk swallows, his ears tipping red. "If you want to. You can go, but you can stay too. I don't mind."

The hope bubbles up like euphoria inside Taehyung's chest and he feels like he's going to get whiplash from these rapid mood swings. "Do you want me to?" he asks, eyes wide and hopeful.

Jeongguk coughs awkwardly. "Only if you want."

Taehyung tilts his head to the side, keeping their eyes locked. "That wasn't the question. Do you want me to stay?"

"Yes," Jeongguk says softly. "Please." For a moment, Taehyung sees sixteen year old Jeongguk in front of him, open, trusting, wanting love so badly, and willing to give his all in return. Jeongguk hadn't changed all that much it seemed, deep down inside. His true nature was just buried deep down inside, under all the layers of defenses.

"Then I would love to," Taehyung says gently and Jeongguk smiles sheepishly at him. And it's as simple as that.