Just forget.
The statement proved to be the best and worst advice I've ever given. If life turns its back on you, make everything shit and absolutely horrible, just forget. Life goes on and you can't dwell on one thing for the rest of your life.
That's why I have another best friend, one that's not even a living creature. I don't converse with it often, especially after all the stupid things I did, but it helps me release stress and forget about my problems. May I introduce you to alcohol.
Don't judge. I know you drink.
It was one of those days where Seulgi stops being a complete bitch and actually act like a friend. She had asked me earlier to join her and two other girls, Hanna and Chaeyoung for a night out. And me being... Well, me, I said yes. Because when stressed, do not enter apartment. It'll make you wallow on life and be absolutely, mortifyingly pathetic.
I sat right beside Seulgi, facing the two other girls on a table just a few seats away from the bartender. The bar, like every other Friday night, was buzzing with people. The clink and clanks of beer bottles filled the room, and the alcoholic smell polluted the air. Puffs of smoke curled from strangers' mouths as they breathed in a destructive substance called cigarettes. If drinking is destructive then smoking is basically slow suicide.
"Are you going to just sit there and do nothing?"
I turned my head towards my right. Seulgi smiled at me, waving a bottle of soju in front of my face.
"It's a night out, you know. It's a rule to get drunk." She pushed the bottle to my hand, forcing me to drink it. I stared at it for a good second, before pressing the tip of the bottle to my lips. The coldness of the glass grazed my skin and the liquid burned my throat, but not too much that it hurts.
Seulgi laughed and drank her own share of soju. She sighed, her eyes tired from the amount of work she did. "It's been a tiring week, hasn't it?"
I chuckled. "Kind of ironic coming from you."
"Oh, shut up." I raised an eyebrow at her as she rolled her eyes. "I know. I'm sorry. It's just that... Life is hard." She sighed once more, and turned to me, her eyes lighting up as she did. "What about you? You've been smiling non stop."
"I have not."
My phone buzzed. Wheein's text filled my screen, offering to meet up in Daegu for my job two weeks ahead.
Seulgi nudged my arm, smirking. "You have. You've been smiling at your phone a lot. Is it a guy?"
Hanna's head jerked up from her phone when she heard Seulgi's words and Chaeyoung stopped staring at the band.
I scowled at them. "No."
Seulgi nodded, her smirk growing wider. "I believe you," she said. "But then again I've been looking over your shoulder all this time and if my eyes don't fail me, it really is a guy."
Chaeyoung leaned forward, eyes now wide. I know they're eager to know, but considering the seniority that exists in the press, they held their tongue.
I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe you've been peeking —"
"Observing," Seulgi corrected.
"— At my phone." I lifted it up, waving it on her face. "This is privacy. If you've noticed."
"But you're not denying it," Hanna's voice made me look at her. She pursed her lips, trying to hide her smile, because I'm pretty sure I look like I'm ready to murder someone.
Because she is right.
Seulgi put her arms around me. "Come on, Byul. Tell us already."
I pushed her hand away, scowling at her. If it wasn't for this pretty little lady I wouldn't be in this situation. And even if she is such a nice woman she's still very insufferable sometimes. Now, for example. I regret joining this very important occasion.
"Fine. It's a guy." I felt a smile tugging at my lips and I forced it down. I can't believe just the thought of Mr. Not-so-grumpy managed to make me smile.
"Elaborate."
"What is there to elaborate?" I asked her. "You just asked me if it's a guy and I answered."
"Didn't you went on a date last Sunday?" Seulgi raised her eyebrows.
I groaned. "How did you know?"
"I told you I observed your phone, didn't I?"
I sighed, taking one large gulp of my soju before continuing. "Yes, we did. It went quite well, since you really wanted to know."
"What is he like?" Chaeyoung asked.
"Are you guys being serious right now? You're really trying to pry into my private life?" I stared at their smirking faces in disbelief. "I feel like a celebrity."
Seulgi giggled. "Alright, we're dropping the topic. But seriously, I'm curious how he managed to make you act like an idiot."
Me too, Seulgi. Me too.
—❦—
Haze. Everywhere I look I see haze. The haze filled the whole bar, making my vision blurry, unable to focus on a single thing.
A glass of red wine was before me, filled to the brim, almost spilling. The surface reflected my face; my skin pale and my eyes hooded, almost lifeless. I reached for the glass, about to drink it just as I always do, but I lost my balance and spilled it. It traveled down, to the table and further down to the floor. It flowed endlessly, flooding the floor with red water.
My hand shook from the weight of the glass. It was heavier than what it should be. I put it down, and it crashed, the glass shattering everywhere. Liquid splashed all over the table, soaking into my clothes.
I stood, backing away from the mess I created. Two hands gripped my shoulders from behind, and from the shock I turned around. Sharp, feline-like eyes met mine, surrounded by clear, pale skin and lips as red as wine.
"What happened?" he asked, his eyebrows turning into a frown.
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I turned to point at the mess I created, but when I looked back it was gone. All that's left was a clean wooden table.
Haze filled the room once more. It blocked my focus on everything, my vision, my hearing, my sense of smell. My heart began to pound in my chest, trying to crack my rib cage open and jump out. Something crawled under my skin, sending shivers down my spine. Yoongi's hand left my shoulders, and I found myself turning to make sure he was there.
I am faced with a couple, looking straight into each others eyes with murder and hate.
"This is all your fault," Wheein said. "If it weren't for you our baby could've survived."
Her words crushed my heart. Something happened to their baby, their very first baby. The child that was supposed to bring happiness to them, and to the rest of us.
"Oh please, if you listened to me this wouldn't have happened." Taehyung crossed his arms, his eyes murderous. Fire burned behind his dark pupils, red and deadly.
Yoongi appeared beside me, his skin paler than before and his face not quite his. His eyes held no emotions, lifeless and soulless, like he's dead. "You could've stopped it. You could've saved the baby."
My breath hitched, oxygen refused to enter my lungs. Pounding filled my ears, and the haze blurred my vision further.
"This is your fault." Yoongi's voice filled my ears, echoing inside my skull.
Something grabbed my throat, encircling my neck. It tightens. I reached for it, but nothing was there.
"You could've stopped it." I heard Wheein's voice, but she was nowhere to be seen. I couldn't see a thing in front of me; the haze refused to let me.
The rope tightened around me, and the pounding grew louder. I clawed at my neck, trying to set myself free from the invisible force.
"You knew it was bound to happen." Taehyung's.
But I didn't know.
My chest hurts, my head hurts, everything hurts. I fell on my knees. I reached out for something, anything. But nothing came. No one helped me.
I screamed.
I opened my eyes. Sweat dripped from my forehead and I was shaking. My breath heavy, my chest heaving. I blinked, clearing my vision from the haze.
My grey ceiling looked back at me, as if mocking me for the nightmare I just experienced. My hands reached for the nightstand, searching for my phone.
I found it and brought the light to my face.
It woke me up, making me blink several times. By the time I realized what I was doing, I'd almost pressed the call button.
I frowned and shook my head. And put my phone back.
The nightmares will leave. I don't need to call anyone.
—❦—
ooh nightmares. what do you think happened to byul?
another random update because i'm super thankful for all your support. appreciate it very much.
i've reviewed the plot i created a couple of weeks ago and i felt that that plot no longer works for what the story is now. and i've outlined a new one, and like i said before it won't be 30 chapters, it'll be more than 30, taking consideration the slow burn and how complicated everything is. coz i didn't plan on the slow burn, and it just happened, and then i look at the plot and then i go well fuck, i messed up.
once again, thank you for all your support, and for waiting patiently every week. i appreciate it very much. do comment your thoughts on this chapter and every chapter, i'm always willing to know what you think.
-w.