Taehyung ascends ranks to new FWB status, as if the both of them are reaping the benefits of this fake dating act in the last few weeks together. He becomes a regular fixture in Jeongguk's apartment, Hoseok and Namjoon hardly blinking anymore when he shows up and Jeongguk throws him into his room without even a greeting.
These days, they don't talk much, restricting it mostly to sexting, and actual sex. Easier to go without each other after the breakup party, Taehyung reasons as Jeongguk watches him ride his cock with hard intensity in his eyes, hands holding Taehyung's hips with bruising force. Taehyung always makes sure not to accidentally sleep the whole night, waking up more than once curled against Jeongguk's side. He always leaves before the sun rises, conveniently for the both of them, kissing Jeongguk before he goes. As summer starts rolling in he finds he has to wake up earlier and earlier to gather his things. At one point he just begins fighting the sleep until Jeongguk is properly out, before slipping into the night like a shadow.
"Are you okay?"
Jimin asks the question two weeks before the date, and Taehyung looks up from the eggs he's frying for lunch, the base of his spine still throbbing. He looks up, and Jimin is behind the counter, face filled with concern.
"I'm fine."
"You look sick," Jimin says. "Are you sure? You've been coming back really late at night sometimes."
"Oh, yeah, I know," Taehyung says, flipping his eggs over and cursing under his breath when every single one of the yolks bursts and runs into the skillet. "Heavy semester."
"Is that it? Academics?"
"Yeah," Taehyung says, tilting the pan. "Psych is harder than it looks, you know."
"I'm just worried about you," Jimin says, dropping his backpack in a chair and opening up the fridge. "You've been talking a lot more in your sleep than usual lately."
Taehyung freezes. "Like what?"
"Nothing of importance," Jimin says, rummaging. "Sometimes Jeongguk's name comes up, sometimes you're just shouting and making noise. You just tend to do it more often around finals week rather than the middle of the semester."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Jimin straightens, armed with a frozen chicken bake. "Just talk to me if you want, okay? We've been best friends for a while now."
"Thanks, Jimin."
And for a moment, Taehyung feels bad about this prank.
One week before D-Day, Taehyung gets a text from Jeongguk that, for the first time in a month, doesn't start with, you want to know what i'm wearing? and instead says, can you bring me some of your extra strength tylenol
yeah of course!
are you sick D:
yeah
i'm sorry but we're all out of medicine
and i want to see your dumb face
Taehyung raises his eyebrows at that last message. It's hardly necessary for Taehyung to be persuaded to go over to his apartment, but maybe Jeongguk with a fever is more truthful than Jeongguk without. He lets himself into their place, finding Jeongguk swaddled up in blankets on the armchair on the balcony, sniffling like his life depends on it.
"Hey," Taehyung says, pushing the sliding door open. "Why are you out here?"
"My room feels like a Petri dish of misery," Jeongguk says, as Taehyung hands him a water bottle and unscrews the cap on his Tylenol. "And air out here feels better."
"Count on you to get sick in the middle of spring," Taehyung says, shaking his head.
"It's the rhinitis," Jeongguk complains. "Do you think pollen agrees with that?"
Taehyung just laughs, shaking his head. "Do you want me to go get you more blankets or anything?"
"No," Jeongguk says. "Just sit here with me."
"Okay," Taehyung says, and Jeongguk just leans into him with a sigh. He doesn't know where to put his arms at first. Then he lets his hand settle in Jeongguk's hair, stroking his fingers through it. It's sweaty from fever, and Jeongguk is shivering hard, but after the medicine kicks in he begins to smooth out. "You're helpless when you're sick, aren't you?"
"Shut up," Jeongguk says, hardly threatening with his stuffy nose.
Taehyung laughs. As nightfall begins rolling in, the sounds of the city amplify. By the time the sun has slipped beneath the skyline, Jeongguk's sniffling has cleared up and Taehyung's arm is falling asleep.
"Feeling better?"
"Better," Jeongguk says. "I feel a little more alive now."
"Good. I like my humans nice and alive."
Jeongguk chuckles weakly. "You are fucking weird."
"I think you like your humans nice and weird, considering the company you hang out with."
"I guess I can't argue against that, huh?"
Silence settles around them again. Then, out of the blue, Taehyung has to ask. He has to at least get a concrete answer.
"Hey, Jeongguk?"
"Mmm?"
"What are we?"
Taehyung regrets the words as soon as he says them. They fall like stones between them, and the shift in the mood is tangible, nearly audible. Taehyung's fingers still in Jeongguk's hair and suddenly, all too suddenly, the roar of distant traffic is loud and threatening, thundering through Taehyung's ears in time with his heartbeat.
"What do you mean," Jeongguk says, not pulling away, but Taehyung can feel his muscles stiffening against him. "We're just—two people that got thrown together, right?"
"Yeah," Taehyung says, wanting to sit up on his own, but too afraid to move away. Too afraid that this will be the last time they sit like this. "But, you know, are we. Are we anything else?"
Jeongguk is the one to sit up, jostling Taehyung enough for him to get the message and move away. "We're friends," Jeongguk says, eyes dark and unreadable. "Friends, playing a prank on the rest of our friends. Right? What else did you mean?"
Right?
The word echoes around them, Jeongguk saying it as if he's unsure whether he's reminding Taehyung or himself.
Taehyung's body seems to move outside his own control, even though he does what he's wanted to do for a long time now; Jeongguk holds still when he reaches forward, running a hand up the side of Jeongguk's neck until he's cupping Jeongguk's cheek. This much seems to startle Jeongguk at least a little, and he slants his gaze down to look at Taehyung's hand on his face, then back into Taehyung's eyes.
"What are you—" he whispers, but the rest of his sentence is lost, muffled when Taehyung leans in and kisses him. Kissing someone who doesn't respond, yet doesn't push him away, is disheartening. Kissing someone who has kissed him back with fervor and unrestrained desperation, who comes around and turns to ice in moments like this, is the worst. Taehyung crushes his lips harder to Jeongguk's mouth, waiting, wishing for something, but after a few moments, he sits back. His heart is pounding in his ears and he is the only one who feels it.
"Nothing, huh," he murmurs, letting his hand fall from Jeongguk's face. "Really nothing?"
"Taehyung," Jeongguk says, reaching for his hand. "Taehyung, we said from the very beginning that this," Jeongguk gestures to the empty space around them, to the fake little bubble they've been living in, "isn't real. It's a joke. A prank, remember? We're gonna get everyone back good. That was the plan."
"Right," Taehyung says, pulling his wrist out of Jeongguk's fingers. "Right, I fucked up. Just. Pretend this didn't happen."
"Taehyung, wait—"
"No, it's fine. Let's go back, you're going to get sicker."
"Will you wait and listen!" Jeongguk snaps, and Taehyung stops making to stand up. "I didn't know you—I thought you—"
"That's the thing, Jeongguk," Taehyung says, voice cold. "You didn't know. You thought. You assumed. But did you ever once think to tell me, remind me, hey, Taehyung. I don't like you, I don't see you that way, this is just an elaborate scheme to piss off our friends? Did you really think that, when you tumbled in through my window at 4 am, when you taught me how to sext and didn't stop, when one night stands turned into two, three, four night stands, when you asked me to come see you tonight because you were sick and wanted someone next you, not Jimin or Namjoon or anyone else but me, me, when we did all those things away from the eyes of the world—wouldn't make me believe that you, somehow, thought more of me than just a partner in crime?" Taehyung's breath is coming out in heavy pants now, chest full of anger bubbling over the rim now.
Jeongguk is impossibly quiet. "It was our agreement," he says so emotionlessly that Taehyung wants to seize him by the shoulders, shake him hard just to see if he would hear Jeongguk's soul rattling around inside him. "What this is isn't real. I'm sorry that you feel I led you on."
Taehyung feels the fight leaving his body, more exhausted by the second. "No, you never owed me an explanation," he says. "I'm sorry too, that I had to go and fall for someone so terrified of his own emotions."
Fury hot as magma flares in Jeongguk's face. "You knew that from the very first day," he spits. "You knew, and that, at least, I reminded you of over and over, and you were okay with it. You never said anything. You never asked for more, and you seemed okay with it."
"I never said anything because all I could do was tell myself that what I wanted was just a dream," Taehyung shoots back. "How the hell could I have said anything? You said it yourself, you reminded me over and over. How the hell then, Jeon Jeongguk, could I have asked you for more when all you did was tell me that you're self-proclaimed single until your late twenties?"
"I couldn't—" Jeongguk's words get caught on a hacking cough, and his body is wracked with them. Taehyung steels himself, wanting nothing more than to rub his hand over Jeongguk's back but he can't bring himself to. In the last moment, though, he gives in, reaching out, but Jeongguk swats him away.
"Don't," he wheezes. "Don't. Go home. You're just going to be angrier the longer you see my face, just go home."
So Taehyung does. Turning his back on Jeongguk like his physically hurts. His insides, where they had felt like hot, writhing snakes just moments ago, now feel like bricks and lead. He drags his feet as he walks and fights the urge to look back, even when Jeongguk stops coughing, and for all Taehyung knows, he could be completely alone.
let's do it a week early. the breakup party.
that's tomorrow...
i know.
are you okay with that?
yeah.
Taehyung ends up splitting about fifteen dollars worth of food costs with Jeongguk, and Paypals him the money without even giving him a heads up. Jeongguk is sharp. He'll figure it out.
The thing about his anger is that he has no idea who to direct it at. Deep down, he knows it's his own fault. But admitting that this is his own fault is too hard. They'd signed a business contract and now Taehyung wanted more than what was outlined, and he had no one to blame but himself.
"Hey, Jeongguk is inviting us over for dinner tonight," Taehyung says as Jimin walks in with Seokjin, or rather, Seokjin walks in with Jimin on his back. "You guys should come!"
"I don't feel like cooking," Seokjin says, and Jimin hops down. "Seven mouths is a lot feed on this short a notice."
"No, it's okay, we got food," Taehyung says, staring at the planner on his computer screen, filling it up with tours in the next few weeks so that he's busy from dawn still dusk. "You guys just have to come. We can go together."
"You guys got food?" Jimin asks. "What's happening?"
Taehyung quirks the side of his mouth. It feels forced and Jimin seems to be able to tell. "You'll see," he says mysteriously. "It's a surprise!"
Namjoon, Hoseok, and Yoongi are already eating when they arrive, Jimin's eyes lighting up at the sight of a takeout box full of roast duck. Jeongguk is picking at a piece with his chopsticks, greasy plate in hand. Taehyung toes his shoes off. Sure, he might not ever be coming back here, but it's not like he can't be at least polite till the end.
"Hey," he says, grabbing a clean plate from the corner of the table. "You picked good food. At least it's not all spicy as hell."
Jeongguk slides his gaze up to Taehyung's face. "Oh," he says. "Yeah. I hope you like it."
Taehyung doesn't look away, and Jeongguk very deliberately raises a bite of food to his mouth before he does, too, turning his back on Taehyung to talk to Yoongi. Jimin fills in the space where he's been standing, chattering about how he is going to polish off all this fucking duck, no one can stop him, who run the world? That's right, it duck.
The food is good, Taehyung didn't say that as some throwaway compliment, or small talk to fill the silence between him and Jeongguk, but he can't eat much of it. There's a sick feeling in his stomach, like he'd swallowed rocks. He could eat a lot more, he's eaten way more than this without trouble, but Taehyung sets down his utensils after a few mouthfuls and can't force down anymore. Hoseok sweeps him up in a conversation about algal blooms and honestly, is so passionate about it that Taehyung finds himself being genuinely interested in something he otherwise would not give a shit about. As the hours wear on, he catches Jeongguk watching him from across the room, sitting between Jimin and Namjoon, and Taehyung abandons his own spot where he's perched on the armrest of a battered old loveseat.
"Yo, guys," Taehyung says, shouting over the chatter. The low rumble dies down only slightly, so he grabs a glass off the table, a spoon, and clangs the metal against the glass. "Hey! There's something we want to tell you."
"Oh?" Namjoon says. "We?" He looks at Jeongguk beside him. "As in you and Jeongguk?"
"As in me and Jeongguk."
"Oh, God," Jimin says, settling against Seokjin's chest with Seokjin's fingers interlaced over his stomach. "You guys aren't getting married, are you?"
"What the hell, Jimin, no," Jeongguk says. "Quite the opposite, in fact." He looks around, at Namjoon's brow furrowing, at the confusion on Hoseok's face. "Actually, we—"
"We were never together in the first place!" Taehyung bursts out. "Ha! We got you good, didn't we? You all thought your prank on us was so funny, but we got you back a thousand times better."
"Taehyung—"
"Right?" he says, smiling over his shoulder at Jeongguk, whose face is shadowed and dark. "We got them good, right?"
Right?
"Wait, wait," Jimin says. "You're saying you guys weren't actually dating? All that stuff you guys did in front of us was all for show? All an act?"
"Yep," Taehyung says. "I told you I could have majored in theater, Jimin. I'm not that bad an actor, you know."
"I know you aren't," Jimin says, bewilderment filling his voice, "but Jeongguk is a terrible actor."
"Hey," Jeongguk snaps.
Internally, Taehyung agrees with Jimin. Jeongguk is a terrible actor, but he is good at one thing—hiding his heart from the world, under a sheet of ice so that no one can tell truly what he's thinking. He's doing it now, when he steps up beside Taehyung and picks up where Taehyung had left off.
"Well, it's true," he says. "We thought it would be funny, since you all thought it would be hilarious to blind date us. I don't think any of us expected it to last so long but it'd be hard to keep it up over the summer break." He glances at Taehyung. "So, here we are. It's our breakup party. We planned it from the very first day."
"I am so sad," Hoseok declares after a moment of silence. "You guys not being real is the reason I will never believe in true love again."
"Easy there, Hoseok," Namjoon says.
"All those times you went over to Jeongguk's place," Jimin says slowly. "That time he broke into ours. All that PDA, all that not so PD of A. It was all an act?"
Well, not all of it, at least not for Taehyung. Some of it, sure. If he didn't know better he'd say that it wasn't all an act for Jeongguk, either, but he does know better now.
"All an act," Jeongguk says, voice uncharacteristically soft.
"Well," Jimin says. "You owe me one, or two, or twenty, for all that fake sexiling, Jeon Jeongguk." Jimin laughs, and the air loosens, forgiveness given. Taehyung smiles but he doesn't feel it in his heart, and even though this is the end he feels no closure, like a story with a conclusion so unsatisfying that he wants to read it again, do it over, just to see if he missed something.
But he didn't. This is it, the story is over, and nothing is going to change even if he rereads from the beginning.
"You guys should kiss one more time," Seokjin suggests, amusement in his eyes, "for old times' sake. One last prank for the road."
"You guys," Hoseok protests. "I am upset enough already."
"No, do it!" Jimin encourages, pulling his phone out. "I need to add to my blackmail stash."
Jeongguk scoffs. Taehyung looks to him, Jeongguk's face fading from spiteful humor into something quieter, and he holds his hand out. Taehyung reaches across the yawning distance between them, like stepping over a ravine, and takes it, letting Jeongguk pull him in, arm latching around his middle. Jeongguk's eyes are hard and blazing, and Taehyung runs one of his hands up Jeongguk's chest to his face, holding his cheek in his palm.
He isn't sure who leans in first. It might be Taehyung, knowing that this is the last time, truly, and he has to savor it. It might be Jeongguk, whom Taehyung thinks, at first, wants to just get it over with, but the moment their mouths meet the rest of the world falls away. Vaguely he hears Jimin wolf whistle, but that dies in the background when Jeongguk opens his mouth to Taehyung, lets Taehyung slip his tongue into his mouth, when Jeongguk pulls Taehyung closer and closer, Taehyung raking his fingers through Jeongguk's hair, when Jeongguk drowns in his heat and pulls back only to tilt his head and cover Taehyung's mouth with his own again. Neither of them notice Jimin lowering his phone, or Seokjin's hold around Jimin's middle loosening, or Namjoon's confused glance at Hoseok and Yoongi. No one moves until they finally break apart, gasping against each other's lips. Jeongguk rests his forehead against Taehyung's, eyes shut, and under Taehyung's palm his heart is thundering against his ribs. Taehyung can feel it in time with his own.
"So, uh," Seokjin says, breaking the thick silence blanketing the atmosphere, "are you guys sure you're, er, breaking up?"
Yeah, they're sure. They break up, and they go their own ways as promised.
Taehyung wakes up every morning, puts his clothes on, goes to class, makes lunch, dons his school hoodie and gives tours. Jimin says nothing about the way Taehyung does his homework the second he gets home and goes to sleep the second it's done, curling up into a tight ball and not moving until sunrise the next morning, wash and repeat. His highlighters run out of ink and he goes all the way to the school marketplace rather than going to the University Center, ten minutes and one bus ride closer, and even then Jimin says nothing. He looks like he wants to, a sad puppy with helpless paws.
No, it is not Jimin who says anything. It is not Hoseok, or Namjoon, or even Yoongi.
"Taehyung," Seokjin says sharply after he gets in from a later afternoon tour, stripping his hoodie off the moment he steps into the cool, air conditioned admissions office. He hasn't laundered any of his tees. Sweat runs down his temples and over the curves of his back, making the thin fabric of his tank top stick to his skin. "Come into my office, I need to talk to you."
"Okay," Taehyung says, wiping at his face, the tone of Seokjin's voice scaring him. He follows Seokjin into his workspace, sitting down in one of the chairs across his desk as Seokjin sinks into his. He pushes a file folder over the wood at Taehyung.
"These are your tour guide evals from the last week," he says. "Take a look at them."
He does. The first thing Taehyung sees is a circled 2 beside the question Did your tour guide seem knowledgeable about the campus? and for the first time in days he feels something jolt in his stomach. The rest of the ratings don't get much better down the sheet, or on the other surveys. 3, 4, 6, 6, 5, 4. Taehyung has never seen numbers so low in his career.
"I don't think I need to ask you what went wrong this week," Seokjin sighs as Taehyung stares in horror. "But as such, Taehyung, I've seen you clean up your act for the job, if only for that hour. I know you're hungover during some tours, no one should be sweating that much during the winter. But you always do a glowing job, so I've never needed to intervene."
"I'm sorry," Taehyung mumbles.
"Do not be sorry to me," Seokjin says. "Be sorry to those students who don't know if they'll want to attend our school anymore. Be sorry to the university."
"I'm sorry," Taehyung repeats. "I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry and I'll work harder."
Seokjin sits back in his chair. "As your boss," Seokjin says, "I'm obligated to give you a chance to get your act together before doing anything major. As your friend," and Taehyung looks up at this, "I'm obligated to tell you that you're an idiot."
"Hyung—"
"Jeongguk pulled an all-nighter writing his final term paper this week," Seokjin says, "and almost missed his econometrics final because he fell asleep while it was printing at six AM. If you know anything about him, you know that's not how he rolls."
No, it's not. Taehyung does know. Jeongguk is far too careful and hardworking to leave a paper unfinished until the night before, never mind nearly miss one of his biggest exams. Knowing this shakes him, and Taehyung feels his insides warm.
"So I'm saying you guys need to do something about this," Seokjin says, waving a hand and letting it drop to his desk with a thud, like he's tired of dealing with teenage drama. "Both of you. It's distracting you from work and him from school, and if I have to listen to another story about Jeongguk not doing the dishes when it's his turn, I'm going to sew his hand to your car until you talk." He pauses. "Understood?"
"Understood," Taehyung whispers.
"Good," Seokjin says, smiling. "Now go home. I know you have more finals to study for."
Taehyung's feet drag when he lets himself out of the admissions department. The sun dances over his shoulder but he can't bring himself to walk with the same bounce in his step like he always does, and even though it's the few minutes between class time right now when the main path is crowded with students, Taehyung feels so alone.
He looks up when he hears skateboard wheels on the cement, though, and dodges a girl whizzing past him just in time. "Sorry!" she throws over her shoulder, and he raises a hand in acknowledgement. But just as he turns back, he sees Jeongguk in the crowd, just as alone as him. He's staring at Taehyung even as people brush roughly past him, expression like he's seen a ghost.
His mouth moves once, like he's saying the only word Taehyung is thinking.
"Oh."
Taehyung takes a step forward. Jeongguk takes one back, stumbles, and then turns on his heels and runs, not even bothering to drop his longboard and use that. Taehyung watches him go, and people glance at him as he stands there until he feels a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey," Jimin says, voice soft like he's seen the whole thing. "Hey, Taehyungie."
Taehyung turns mechanically. Since when did he need to look down at Jimin? "Hey."
"Let's go get Slurpees. You love Slurpees."
He does. But the wild cherry ice tastes like ash on his tongue and he throws half of it away when they get home. Jimin doesn't say anything about the red stains in their kitchen sink.
jiminie?
Taehyung holds his phone to his chest as the text goes through, listening as Jimin's phone chimes across the room besides his pillow. The sheets rustle as he rolls over in bed. Taehyung hopes he understands and doesn't bark at him, why is he texting him, he's right there.
But Jimin has known Taehyung for a long time. They are not best friends for nothing.
yeah?
i fucked up
i fucked up bad.
The gray typing bubble pops up, disappears, pops up, disappears. Taehyung wonders what Jimin has such a hard time saying.
no...you didn't
i did
i shouldn't have pulled a prank like that on you guys...
hoseokie hyung and i feel responsible...and we're really sorry
Taehyung blows a breath through his nose. Jimin, Jimin, Jimin. Sweet Jimin who always finds a way to blame himself in any situation.
you guys didn't do anything wrong, you were just having fun
honestly, it was my idea
the dating prank
so i did fuck up...
i mean i know i fucked up he told me from the first day he didn't do romance
and he didn't do anything wrong but i'm still mad at him...i'm being too selfish huh
Jimin sighs too, and Taehyung hides his face in his pillow. He fires back a quick succession of replies.
i mean i guess. you can't say he didn't make that clear
but he definitely...didn't act to follow his own rules or act according to his words either
i've known him two years now
he's a terrible liar and a terrible actor
fake affection that level of disgusting is like
just not something jeon jeongguk is physically capable of
ehhhh...
no i'm serious
remember that time you fell asleep on the couch and he left before you woke up?
and i was actually at home
i saw him gather up his things i saw him lean down and kiss you on the cheek
i saw him put his jacket over you and tuck it under your chin i saw everything
i think that was the day that i finally believed you two were together
because he had no audience he didn't know i was there
how could i still think it was all for show?
Taehyung's vision is blurring. God, he promised himself he wouldn't cry about this, but it's so hard when Jimin is laying it out like this now.
hey are you crying
don't make me come over there
>:(
i'm not crying. stay in your bed.
could've fooled me
Taehyung chuckles weakly, wiping at his eyes.
i don't know what to do now jiminie
everything is messed up
we're not together anymore
i mean we never really were
but it just hurts
you know what i think?
you should date someone that ruins your underwear and not your makeup
what the hell omg
i don't wear makeup
and even if i did he ruins both
ruined*
tmi
but let me ask you this
do you love him?
Taehyung stares at the tiny words on his phone screen, the brightness making him squint in the darkness. His fingers hover over the keyboard. He's never admitted this to anyone, not even himself.
so much.
Jimin doesn't even retch like Taehyung expects him to.
enough to ask him
to be yours?
because i'm under the impression you never actually did
Taehyung props himself up on both elbows.
he doesn't date jimin
doesn't do romance
you know this
he told me that the first day
why the hell would i ask him
did he instill this in you
or did you repeat that to yourself so many times
that now you won't even believe that he can fall in love?
Taehyung stares at the question. Indeed, who had he been trying to convince?
my advice is when finals are over
talk to him
you have to talk to him
and if you still feel like he's worth it ask him to be yours
properly this time
and after all that, if he still says no
then he's not worth it and i'm not sitting around to watch you cry
over someone that doesn't deserve you
This time the words really do make tears well up and spill over in Taehyung's eyes. He buries his face in his pillow, but even that doesn't do much to muffle the sobs that shake their way out of his throat. Jimin's body is warm when he slides into bed beside Taehyung, phone still in hand, and he lets Taehyung cuddle into his side until the tears stop.
Taehyung falls asleep with his cheek on Jimin's chest and it's not the same, but it's comforting. Jimin stays up for a very, very long time for someone who has a final tomorrow afternoon, still texting even when Taehyung groggily wakes up in the darkest hour before dawn.
Finals wrap up after a nightmarish week of midnight coffee runs, Monster and Rockstar concoctions (Taehyung thinks his piss was more blood than piss that one morning, he's never going to try that again), and a lot of sleeping on the couch because Jimin swears by destressing through sex. Taehyung didn't mind too much. Sleeping on the couch bed was nice because it's huge and he could fall asleep with his books surrounding him in a Pagan ritual to diffuse as much information into his body as he could before the final.
"I'll see you," Taehyung says, hugging Sungjae hard. "You're going to be back for the next school year?"
"If I don't decide to stay in France longer," Sungjae says, stepping back. "In which case I will see you again in the winter."
"Ugh," Taehyung says, mock groaning. "We're going to have to find another roommate if we want to keep rent down. Thanks for nothing, dude."
Sungjae laughs. "I'll see you later, Taehyung. Don't mess with my stuff!"
"I'm taking your PS4. Sorry."
"I'll fuck you up."
Taehyung winks. "Nice try. Go home, you have a flight to catch tomorrow morning."
"Take care," Sungjae says, climbing into the car. "Don't work too hard. It's summer. You should go home sometime, too."
"I will." Taehyung slams the door and Sungjae rolls the window down. "Keep me posted?"
"Will do," Sungjae says, saluting, and Taehyung salutes back, patting the roof of the car and watching as it drives out of sight. He doesn't move until the car disappears around the corner, and he bends down to collect the box of Sungjae's odds and ends that he had deemed useless enough to throw out. When he straightens, Jeongguk is there, standing in their front yard like a sore thumb, and Taehyung nearly drops the box.
"Hey," Jeongguk says, and he really does look as tired as Seokjin made him sound, eyebags a dusky purple, cheeks ashen. "Are you moving out?"
"No," Taehyung replies, looking at the crack in the sidewalk. "Just my housemate throwing some stuff out."
"Oh," Jeongguk says eloquently. "Are you leaving soon?"
"I've got a week more of tours to give," Taehyung says, hefting the box higher in his arms. "I kind of slacked in the last few—during finals week. And I promised I would go to Namjoon and Hoseokie hyungs' graduation." He grasps for words. Taehyung is good at small talk, but he's failing spectacularly right now. "How about you?"
"I'm staying for summer session," Jeongguk says. "So I can graduate earlier."
"Ah."
They look everywhere but each other for a moment, then, "Can we talk?"
Taehyung raises his gaze to Jeongguk's face. "You want to talk now?" he asks, trying but unable to keep the bitterness and derision out of his voice. He knows he has to, at some point, like Jimin had told him.
Irritation doesn't spark in Jeongguk's face like Taehyung expects it to. "Yes, now," he says. "But I can come back when you're not busy."
"I'm busy from now until I leave," Taehyung says. "But if you collected the guts to walk right onto our property then you must really want to talk, so yeah, sure, let's talk. Can we go somewhere else, though? Jimin shouldn't have to deal with us in his space again."
"Okay," Jeongguk says so easily that Taehyung feels bad for being petulant. He waits for Taehyung to set his things down, close the door, and they walk to Jeongguk's car, visible in the distance like a fucking firework. Taehyung lifts himself into the passenger seat, buckling in. "Is my place okay?"
"Are Namjoon and Hoseok not home?"
"They're at graduation practice."
"Oh. Yeah, sure. It's fine." Taehyung would rather be in a more public space, where he has to force himself to tamp down his emotions, but if he can't, he's not too hot about the idea of displaying his tears in Starbucks.
The drive is quiet. At one point Taehyung glances over and notices that Jeongguk still drives with one hand at twelve o'clock and one at six, the position well-worn and weathered. He looks out the window before Jeongguk catches him staring.
When he pulls into the parking space outside their apartment, Jeongguk kills the engine and sits back. Taehyung doesn't move to get out, so neither does Jeongguk, yet neither of them speak. The silence thickens until Taehyung feels like he's suffocating, and then Jeongguk says, "I know you probably don't want to hear what I have to say, but I have to know I said it." He shifts in his seat, the leather squeaking. "Is that okay?"
"It's okay." Taehyung bites the inside of his cheek. "I have stuff to say too. Civilly."
"What you don't know about me," Jeongguk says, "messed this up. What you don't know is that, before you, before FWBs, before university, I've been with people. It doesn't matter who they were now, but what does matter is that too often I walked out of relationships with pieces of someone else's broken heart on my hands. It wasn't always all my fault, but I was never faultless, either. I knew it, but I couldn't admit it, either. So I closed up, closed off, climbed up the steepest mountain alone and stayed up there so I'd never have to deal with my emotions, or hurt other people."
Jeongguk fidgets with his keys in his fingers. "And life was easy alone," he continues. "I have friends, I have Jimin, my hyungs, the dance team, and it was enough. Everyone that tried to come sit with me on Lonely Mountain I shoved down the slopes and they knew never to come bother the monster at the top of the mountain again. Most of them, anyway.
"So when you came and sat down next to me I didn't know what to make of it. You never asked for anything more than to just be by my side and when you left I realized that after you get used to being around someone, it's hard to be alone again. You were right, you know? When you said you liked me, and said I'm terrified of my own feelings. The truth is, I'm scared of falling in love. Okay? But after climbing up to a place where no one can touch you, that's an awful long ways to fall, and it's just," Jeongguk takes a deep breath. "Shitty metaphors aside, I'm sorry. I know it's kind of late for that, but I'm sorry. And I want—I want you to be—I don't want you to leave my side."
There's a deep red mark in Jeongguk's palm from how hard he's digging the car keys into his skin, not looking into Taehyung's face.
"I never said I liked you."
Jeongguk does look up at this. "Oh," he breathes. "I guess you didn't. I just thought that—"
"I love you."
Jeongguk stares at him like he hardly dares to breathe. "Oh," he repeats, sounding suffocated.
"Yeah, I don't know for how long. It took me maybe up until the last few days to bring myself to admit that, but unknowingly, probably for ages."
"For me," Jeongguk says, "it stopped being an act the first night you came over for dinner. When we were in your room together." He coughs. "I wanted to do that, kiss you from behind. I knew I wasn't going to be able to face you, so I kicked my phone under your bed so I wouldn't have to see your expression when I did." He laughs ruefully at the memory. "I'm really such an idiot, aren't I? I don't know anything about dating or love."
Taehyung sighs. "Here's one thing you should learn right now," he says. "It makes you do stupid shit. It makes you do stupid shit and to you, in the moment, it doesn't seem stupid."
Jeongguk drops his keys onto his seat, holding out his hand like he had that night at the breakup party. Taehyung stares at it, at the imprints of key teeth in his skin, and reaches out, sliding his fingers into Jeongguk's. Jeongguk curls his hand around Taehyung's, then pulls him forward and drops Taehyung's arm over his shoulder, until Taehyung is stretched over the console.
"Is this stupid?" he asks, breath fanning out over Taehyung's face as his arm drops to Taehyung's ribs.
"Yes," Taehyung says.
Jeongguk leans in, whimpering when Taehyung opens his mouth eagerly for him. Even in a car as big as the Hummer, kissing in the two front seats requires a flexibility that neither of them have, and when Jeongguk tries pulling Taehyung closer to him, the car screeches in protest when Jeongguk's knee accidentally digs into the panic button on his car remote. Taehyung nearly hits the roof from how hard he startles, and Jeongguk can't help the laugh when he presses it again to quiet it.
It's not that Namjoon or Hoseok would actually find it weird for Jeongguk to be sleeping with anyone, especially after finals, but Taehyung is still thankful that they're not home when they tumble into the apartment. They lose half their clothes right in the living room, not that either of them have much on in heat like this—and Jeongguk's room is a little too warm and stuffy for either of their likings, but at least Taehyung can see Jeongguk clearly like this, falling back on his elbows and watching Jeongguk stretch up the length of his body, the face of the dragon on his arm as heated and intense as his kisses.
The sex isn't all that different—well, it's a little different. Jeongguk takes Taehyung from the side, his own back pressed against the wall, Taehyung's leg slung over his hip so he can thrust deeper and harder. "Come on, come for me," Jeongguk whispers, but it's less commanding now and more soft encouragement, and Taehyung nods, choking when Jeongguk nips down the back of his neck. He reaches down to touch himself, stroke himself off, and Jeongguk's grip tightens around Taehyung's ribs when he comes, streaking the sheets.
Jeongguk reaches for Taehyung's cock with his own hand to stroke him through the aftershocks as he follows suit quickly, chest shuddering hard against Taehyung's back as he pants into Taehyung's ear. The overstimulation makes Taehyung's hips jump, and he reaches down to swat weakly at Jeongguk's hand with a soft cry when Jeongguk rubs at the head of his cock.
"Okay, okay," Jeongguk says, laughter in his voice as he pulls out. "Hold still."
He reaches over Taehyung's head for something, his body rolling with Jeongguk's as he leans into him. Taehyung's eyes fly open when he feels something soft on his stomach, wiping up the come, and he reaches down and stops Jeongguk's hand.
"What?" Jeongguk asks, sounding concerned. "What's wrong?"
"I'm just remembering this feeling before I fall asleep," Taehyung mumbles. "Oh, and Jeongguk?"
"Yeah?" Jeongguk says, lips at Taehyung's temple. "What is it?"
But Taehyung does fall asleep before he gets a chance to speak, and he makes a mental note to ask sometime in the future. It can wait, probably. It wouldn't hurt.
Jeongguk's hair is a mess.
Taehyung wakes up just as the sun starting to set over the horizon, lighting up everything in Jeongguk's room orange-red, shadows long and dark along the walls. His arm is numb from being pinned under his stomach, but he doesn't want to move just yet, head still pillowed on Jeongguk's arm. When the prickling in his fingers gets to be too much, though, Taehyung sits up, propping his face against his shoulder, watching the evening light slide over Jeongguk's skin.
His lips are parted in the way they always are when he's asleep, a little chapped, and there's a faint red crescent extending onto the skin below his lower lip where Taehyung had bitten down too roughly. He runs his thumb over the skin, then props his hands on either side of Jeongguk's head, as usual, and leans down to press a kiss to his mouth, gentle enough so that it won't wake Jeongguk up.
Just as Taehyung pulls back, Jeongguk moves, surprisingly quick for someone who takes a good strong two hours to wake up in the mornings. His arms wrap around Taehyung's middle just as he tosses in bed onto his side, and Taehyung makes a strangled noise when he's wrestled down onto the mattress. Jeongguk takes in a deep breath through his nose, the way people do when they're woken in that dreamy stage of sleep where reality and fantasy walk side by side. His hand is hot on Taehyung's back, and his breathing evens out again.
"Hey," Taehyung whispers, watching the way Jeongguk's nose wrinkles at being disturbed in his sleep. They're lying face to face, nearly nose to nose. "Jeongguk."
"Don't leave me," he mutters, snuggling into Taehyung's body, one of his legs hitched over Taehyung's waist and pulling him closer. "Not now. Not again, right?"
Right?
"What do you mean, not again?" Taehyung asks, marveling at the heat of Jeongguk's arms. It feels like home. "You don't mean to tell me you were awake all those times?"
The realization that Jeongguk has given himself away seems to jolt him awake, and he flutters his eyes blearily before grunting and burying his face in Taehyung's neck. "The first time, I thought it was just a fading dream. But then you did it every time and it was all I could do not to tell you to come back. And I found myself not wanting to wake up alone."
"Unbelievable," Taehyung mutters. "You are unbelievable. We are unbelievable. I can't believe we danced around each other for so long and neither of us said anything."
Jeongguk chuckles, voice still hoarse from sleep. "Fools," he agrees groggily. "Fools in love."
He knocks out like that, body curled into Taehyung's. Taehyung drifts off again with his cheek resting on the crown of Jeongguk's head. The next time he wakes up, Jeongguk is mouthing at his hickey-littered collarbones and Taehyung is half-hard.
"Oh, shit," he croaks, throat dry, and Jeongguk lifts his head. His hair is so messy that his part is entirely on the wrong side of his head, but it doesn't matter when Taehyung pulls him up to kiss him, fingers running through it and taming the worst bits down.
Their bones are still soft and clumsy from sleep, but there's nothing sleepy about the intensity in Jeongguk's eyes when Taehyung sinks down onto his cock. He gasps out once when he's settled, steadying himself by gripping Jeongguk's bent knees hitched up on either side of him, laughing breathlessly when Jeongguk brings him close so they're pressed together.
"I thought you didn't believe in this," Taehyung says, shaking a little, both from getting accustomed to Jeongguk inside him again and being so close to him, skin on skin. "This vanilla cheesecake unseasoned hardboiled eggs shit."
Jeongguk thrusts up once, slowly, and Taehyung chokes. "I don't believe in vanilla cheesecake unseasoned hardboiled eggs shit if it's just a quick fuck," he says. Taehyung moves away enough to see his face. "And for a long time I told myself that's all you were, but I realized the fact I had to lie to myself at all made you a lot more than that."
"Oh, God," Taehyung groans. This is the closest he'll get to a verbal declaration of love for a while, he knows; but for now, it's enough. More than enough.
Jeongguk comes first, whimpering and grinding out, "ugh, fuck," before reaching down and giving Taehyung one, two strokes to finish him too. Taehyung's come streaks across their stomachs, and Taehyung has hardly a moment to catch his breath and come back down from cloud nine before Jeongguk is lifting him off and settling him onto the bed.
"You're scaring me," Taehyung says sleepily when Jeongguk dips his head and licks Taehyung's belly clean, seemingly pleased by the aftershocks still thrumming through his muscles.
"How is that?" Jeongguk asks, dragging his nose through the divot between Taehyung's pecs as he stretches back up.
Taehyung looks at him, at the smear of come on Jeongguk's lower lip and all the kisses in the corners of his mouth that Taehyung left behind. "When things are too good, something bad is always on the horizon," he murmurs, and Jeongguk scoffs.
"Yeah. We're probably going to fight over something really stupid tomorrow, and you're going to wonder why you ever wanted to date someone as useless as me, and I'm going to beat myself up for not being good enough for you," Jeongguk says. Taehyung pouts. "Oh, it's going to happen, and you know it. No use being scared of something you know is coming so better to face it head on." He leans down and kisses Taehyung's forehead. "The difference now is that I've admitted in advance that even if that does happen, I still—still. Like you a lot. And will want to touch your butt."
"It's a nice butt."
"Hmm. Not as good as mine."
"You want to fucking go?"
"Okay! Let's fucking go."
"On a date. A real date."
Jeongguk meets Taehyung's gaze, soft and quiet beside sunny and eager.
"Sure. Let's fucking go on a real date."
"You know, honestly," Jimin says dryly as Jeongguk and Taehyung open the front door with a crash bang—crash because Jeongguk slams Taehyung into it, and a bang when the door ricochets off the wall when it opens, making the knob dent ever deeper, bits of stucco flaking off into the gathering pile on the floor—"I have no clue how you guys actually managed to convince me, and everyone else, that you guys were dating. I should have fucking known you guys actually dating would look a lot more like this."
It's true. One morning Taehyung had walked out of the shower only for Jimin so stare in horror at his bare body and ask, "Did you get into a bike accident? Why didn't you tell me?" and only when Taehyung looked down did he realize most of the skin just under his collarbones is magenta and purple.
"No," he said blandly, shrugging a V-neck on and buttoning up his gingham. "I didn't get into a bike accident."
"Oh," Jimin said, the concern slipping off his face like wet soap. "Oh, I could have gone the rest of my life without having seen that."
Right now, Taehyung stops kissing Jeongguk for one second to look at Jimin, who squints in retaliation, and looks back to Jeongguk. "How about we go back to your place," he suggests. "Jimin deserves a night of peace."
"Like fuck I do!"
Jeongguk makes a face. "I haven't done the laundry since last time you came over."
"That's fine. We can do it on the floor. I hear it's good for your back."
"Jesus did not die for this," Jimin says, scandalized.
"Don't act like you don't like it on the floor," Seokjin says, and Jimin fixes him with a wounded expression.
"Not you too," he laments as Jeongguk and Taehyung trip out the door again, taking their hands off each other just long enough for Taehyung to pull his keys out of his pocket. "I didn't date you for this."
"This is the last stop on our tour," Taehyung says, clapping his hands together. "Just behind you is the University Center and gift store, to your left for about a ten to twelve minute walk is the main parking structure, and to the right is a line of university eateries if you'd like to grab something for the road or to have something to munch on. Any questions?" He looks around, and when no one speaks up, he says, "All right, thank you so much, good luck and I hope to see you guys back here next year!"
"Uh, excuse me, I have a question?"
"Yeah, of course," Taehyung says, smiling at a girl who comes up to him just as the group scatters, families going their separate ways. "What's up?"
"I know you said that freshmen dorms build a great sense of community and helps make friends really well," she says, not really looking right into Taehyung's face. Her voice is very soft. "I'm not sure if I—I'm a little worried. I've never been great at connecting with people, I have good friends in high school, but not a lot, and I won't know anyone here."
"Oh," Taehyung says. "Okay. You want to know a secret? Everyone is just as scared as you. Every first year is in the same boat. I was, too, and I thought I was fairly good at friend making in high school. But I met people that I honestly can picture myself being friends with for the rest of my life, and you will, too. You might think upon arriving and moving in, that everyone already knows everyone else, but in honesty, some people are just better at pretending they know what they're doing than others. It takes some time. It's always a work in progress."
"What if I'm bad at pretending?"
"I would say, just be yourself," Taehyung says. "But I know that sometimes, that's hard for some people too. So what really matters is to be true to yourself. Seek out organizations that center around things you like. I promise you will find at least one, and everyone there will want to know your name. And don't forget," he looks up, then, just over her head when he sees a splash of flame in his periphery, and a boy with red framed Raybans that Taehyung knows all too well catches the front of his longboard in his hand before walking into the University Center. "A lot of people you will meet in the strangest of circumstances, and in time find yourself wondering what your life had been before they'd come barreling into it."
A red Prius isn't ideal, but, well, it could be worse. It could be a red Hummer H3.
Taehyung doesn't pretend not to notice when Jeongguk pulls into the last parking spot on the curb outside the townhouse. He doesn't have time for that, throwing the front door open and watching as Jeongguk pulls the key out of the ignition, undo his seatbelt, and step out of the car. It's a little like deja vu, but the best kind.
"Hey," Taehyung says as Jeongguk walks around the back of the car.
"Hey," Jeongguk says, unsmiling, but his eyes glitter with amusement.
"Sweet ride you got there."
Jeongguk does laugh at this, a small, dry snort. He leans against the side of the door and runs his hand over the edge of the roof of the car. "A little bird landed in my window and told me that driving a Hummer makes me look like a quote unquote 'shitty douchebag tool.' So I traded it in for my lease and got a monthly payment deduction. Win win."
"The little bird was right," Taehyung sniffs, and Jeongguk rolls his eyes. It's a warm, warm evening, the summer heat having made the asphalt of the street shimmer in the afternoon. Jeongguk has his arms crossed over one of his loose fitting black tank tops that Taehyung likes pulling over his head after every time they sleep together, the orange heat of the evening sun setting the dragon around his arm aflame. He has dark jeans on, far too tight for the weather, and his hair is teased up. Taehyung can smell the Gatsby from here.
"What are you looking at," Jeongguk teases gently, hunching into himself. "Stop. Go change, you look like you just got out of bed."
"That's because I did," Taehyung says, laughing.
"It's five in the afternoon."
"I know. Pretty early, if you ask me."
When he's properly cleaned up, hair combed, he locks the door behind him. Jeongguk holds his arms out and Taehyung walks into them, snaking his own around Jeongguk's neck. There isn't much of a difference in height between them, so Taehyung has to make do with pressing his face into the curve of Jeongguk's neck until Jeongguk pulls him back and kisses him, kisses him until Taehyung is dizzy and Jeongguk is panting into his mouth, until Jeongguk's phone buzzes in his pocket and he has to grit his teeth and pull away. He answers it and puts it on speaker.
"Hello?"
"STOP SUCKING FACE AND HURRY UP," Jimin's voice screeches over the line, and Jeongguk winces and holds the phone away at arm's length. Taehyung laughs at the face he pulls. "Namjoon hyung and Hoseokie hyung refuse to let us eat until you guys get here and I'm going to keel over and die soon."
"Good," Jeongguk says flatly, and hangs up just as Jimin is making a noise of indignation. He looks to Taehyung. "We should go, I'm hungry too and Namjoon will never forgive us for being an hour late to their graduation party."
Taehyung is impressed by the amount of leg room in the little Prius, strapping his seatbelt on and settling into his seat. Jeongguk starts up the car and holds his hand out over the console, but Taehyung just stares at his open fingers. When he doesn't move to do anything, Jeongguk clears his throat awkwardly.
"Hurry up, this is embarrassing," Jeongguk says, glaring straight ahead as the engine hums quietly.
"I don't get it," Taehyung says blankly.
"Oh my God," Jeongguk mutters. "Hold my fucking hand, loser." He glances at Taehyung out of the corner of his eyes. "You want to, right?"
Taehyung takes Jeongguk hand into his, interlacing their fingers and holding their hands up to his mouth so he can kiss the answer across Jeongguk's knuckles, enjoying the way Jeongguk makes a funny noise in his throat. Enjoying that finally, finally, he can answer, loud and clear, sing it proud for the world to hear.
You love me, right?
Right.