Author - RCorsini
Reviewer - ItsmeAxelle_
Chapters reviewed - 6
Okay, um, how do I even begin?
What a fantastic writer you are lady! From the plotline, to the research done, to the flow, to even the most relatable problems mentioned in the book, the book just ticks off all the boxes. Really well done yeah!
Having said that, there were some flaws and edits you need to pay attention to, as I see this book getting published in the near future!
First thoughts -
The title and cover has to be changed, since I reviewed just 6 chapters, I don't think I know the whole story behind what you intend to do, but reading the title and looking at the cover, I felt a little, maybe, confused and it gave me the impression of maybe this being a very free spirited and playful book, but the story line seems really mature, so I would strongly suggest you change the cover atleast, or not, if you have prior plans and have chalked it all out.
Your blurb -
Okay, here I found no fault, except maybe the last line, it could have ended on a much better note, rather than just a qoute.
Writing technicalities and grammar -
Well, you have little typos here and there, and I have mentioned those in the inline comments, however you have great knowledge of various emotions and metaphors, Great stuff!
Now for the faults:
In chapter 1, I really found the first part very well written, but from the hospital scene to the explanation of the injury to the part where she finally realizes she won't be performing again, I found it to be a tad bit fast, Well it was amazingly written no doubt, but if you had added a little bit of emotion from the human side of Daniela, and not from the ballerina side of her, it would have set up the process for the readers to be able to see more of her vulnerable side in the near chapters.
Chapter 2, as mentioned by the other reviewers on in the comment section, it was wayyyyy too long to be in one paragraph, I mean, all the descriptions are stuffed in one Para, like an essay, which results in the readers skipping the story.
The line 'I sighed heavily' could have been shifted to the next line and then you could have started the dialogue.
And I found this fault, all the dialogues had the comma before the double inverted comma at the end of the dialogue, even when the sentence had ended, so you could work on that!
Chapter 3, where the scene Nate is convinced, the words 'Come on' , again could be added to the next line, as it would slow down the pace.
The twist of Nate using her was amazing, but needed a slow introduction, and it should be like a slap to Daniela's face, like she should have been really taken aback, but she was kind of just sinking it all in, rather than being shocked.
In chapter 4, the scene where Carisa comes in and thrusts her hand forward to ask her phone back, it is kind of confusing as you had mentioned right before, that her cell phone was on the table, so you could clear that up. Also, the text messages could be done up in italics, and gaps between the lines so the readers can easily read and not have to strain themselves to understand the conversation!
Chapter 5 and 6 had nothing wrong except for a typo here and there.
Overall Thoughts-
Your book is great! One of the best plotlines and best story flows I have ever encountered, but, having said that, I strongly say this, put up gaps between your descriptions, I know a lot of reviewers who reviewed your book said this, but its really a matter for concern, as the book is so good, doing this can probably make you lose readers as it seems very congested! :)
Also, all past dialogues and conversations can be in italics, as it helps differentiate.
Aaaand, TYPOS! I have mentioned all of them in the comments so you can take care of that :)
Final words -
AHHHH I LOVE THIS BOOK I AM A DANCER MYSELF SO I KNOW HOW IT FEELS ALSO I AM A WORKAHOLIC SO I CAN STRONGLY RESONATE WITH THE CHARACTERS
*Back to Reviewer mode*
Your book is great, amazing and a whole of positive adjectives, but you probably know that already ;)
If you worked on the flaws and editing, I could see this book being published, and being really big on wattpad!
Good luck and have a great day❣
Also, if you have any issues or any kind of suggestions to make, I'll be looking forward to it as you are more experienced than me in the field of literature so feel free to PM me!
Signing off,
Axelle.