Author: Apricity31
Reviewer: __Carrots__
Chapters Reviewed: Five
o First Impressions:
Blurb wise:
That's a very good job that you have done with the blurb.
You start by putting up a text profile of the main character, which in itself tells us that the book is inclined toward technical fantasy.
The next part of the blurb, you introduce Fleurice and it's a very common style of introduction. Because nobody fits in, ever.
Whether it be the most appealing and sought-after personality or the the reserved and silent personality.
So yes, there's that; the cliche element of your blurb. Now people often are drawn towards these sort of character introductions, so it's your choice if you want to keep it or not. The presence of that part does no harm, but those few sentences give you the chance to come up with something unique, so yes let it not be mainstream.
The next part, now there is where you had me! Amazing. This gene that you talked about, is not under Fleurice's control, but she would never trade it. Now those are the sort of characters that we love. The ones who accept their originality how much ever uncontrollable and are proud of them.
These characters win our trust and we trust these characters to teach us something. So good job. Honestly, it was really smart how you mentioned that line in your blurb.
The last part provokes the readers' curiosity, as it should. So good job.
Your blurb is amazing just as you wrote it.
Cover wise:
Hmm, not a huge fan of the cover. The color, the background, and the font, they just don't fit together. Together they don't provide the effect an amazing cover should have.
The eyes, they are meant to be the main focus of the cover, right? But among all those other elements, the eyes don't stand out.
The color scheme is just not going together.
The font is really good. I liked the font, it's smooth. But take a close look at the word "Eyes" in your cover, the letter "S" is lost and it looks like an inverted question mark.
The tag line is very insightful. It tells us what the book is about at the same time it's interesting and thought provoking, good job.
Short version: Work on the color scheme of your book, and that might just make your inverted question mark into the "S" it is supposed to be. : )
Title wise:
"Behind Bright Eyes", nice title.
Of course there is something behind those eyes than just darker pigment melanin. And we want to know what that is.
So good title!
No changes required!
;)
o Plot/ Storyline:
The plot is really good. It's original and captivating. I loved the plot.
The storyline is very promising. There is a proper order in the book and I don't think you'll have any conflicts with the plot and the storyline, both of which are not that different from each other.
o Character Development
Right from the twins to Edwin and the telepathic mother and the father, Fleurice and Keziah. Your character development skills are commendable. You do a great job at it. From where you stand right now, you will only go further with your skills and not ever fall behind your game.
*High Five!*
Grammatical errors and Typos:
There were only a few typos and your grammar was on point most of the time. There were only a few tense switches, but by way of editing, you can rectify them both. There is no major problem with the grammar of your book.
Now. The "Mum and Dad " rule. :D
When should the author capitalize the M and D while writing the narrative?
" You should only capitalize "mom" and "dad" when they are used as a name. Whenever they are preceded by "my" they should not be capitalized.
For example, when writing "I love you, Mom," you would capitalize "mom" because "Mom" is used as a name.
When writing "I think my mom is awesome," you wouldn't capitalize "mom" because in that case mom is used as just a word to describe a familial relationship, and it's not being used as a name."
-citation credit: Quora
Your story is in first person narrative, and for Fleurice her mother is her "Mum". So whenever she talks about her mom internally, the M will be capitalized, same goes for dad.
For example: "Mum was cooking in the kitchen while I sneaked out of the window, unfortunately for me just as I popped my head out of the open window, Dad's sealed arms came into my view. Dad had caught me, again."
Now an example for when to not capitalize M and D: " I am going to lunch with my mom. My dad was intending to join us but due to the fire at his office he had to stay there till late for supervision."
Short version: The words mom and dad (also grandma and grandpa, etc), should be capitalized when they are used as a proper noun, in place of their given name. For example, Mom went to Europe with Dad.
Conversely, you would not capitalize if you are referring to your parents. My mom and dad went to Europe.
I hope that was easy to understand.
o Writing Style:
Every writer has their own customized writing style, inspired from different different concepts. So there's not much I would review here.
I will definitely compliment you though.
Girl! You write beautifully! You really do, and I have enjoyed reading your work a lot. There's a hint of professionalism in your work, your writing is simple. Most of the time you have gone for simple words to describe even the most intricate of descriptions. The way you described Fleurice's flight in the woods, and the woods itself. You opted for a simple language and that's what makes it really nice.
Some writers go for really um huge words and then there work is all over the place. Your writing is on point!
Just one thing I did not like was how you started your story. Don't start stories with the main character knocking the alarm off their table, honestly .
Do you do that? Knocking off the alarm clock? Alarms clocks are precious things especially for teenagers, so no.
Also, we are used to having the blaring sound of the alarm every morning, so majority of the people don't wake up startled by the alarm. Alarm is a routine.
Instead, I really liked the part where Fleurice falls off the bed. That part connects with readers at the same time ensues a hearty aura. Who doesn't love laughing at a falling person?
Hahahaha.
_______
So, that's it. That's my review.
If there are any further questions and suggestions please comment.
If you think that some parts of the review didn't stand up to your expectations, and also that you found it confusing, please let me know.
*High five*
Zainab.
♡