New York, New York
In contrast to the events that would occur, ironically, the weather today was gorgeous.
After you and Bucky said your respective goodbyes, you took a shower in the beautiful hotel room. The little extra shampoos, conditioners, and soap bars lined the front of the bathroom mirror that was starting to fog up from the heat of the water.
After grabbing one of the rolled towels and drying yourself, you changed into your most appropriate outfit to go meet Nat.
You felt enraptured by the thought of the activities of the day. Your head felt cold, your stomach greedy, but your core totally ardent.
You hadn't seen Nat in years and your nerves affected your stomach like crazy.
Too much had happened in one day for your mind to wrap your head around it in such a short period of time:
You and Bucky finally confessed your love to each other. Again.You and Bucky finally kissed again.You and Bucky had sex.Steve still thought you and him were a thing.Steve caught you and Bucky in your hotel room where you had sex.
It scared you to think what else would be in stock for you.
Aside from the happiness you felt in your heart, you couldn't deny the simultaneous doubt you felt.
As much as you truly wanted everything to work out between you and Bucky, you also cared about the people around you. You knew you wouldn't be able to sleep well until you and Steve were on good terms again, and it bothered your consciences what you were doin to your sister.
You wanted Bucky, if it meant losing the people around you, you were really willing to make the compromises in certain places.
Would you be willing to lose your blood sister over the love of your life?
You sighed deeply as your feet landed on the soft, white, and luxurious rug. You rang the water out of your heavy hair into the towel - twist and squeeze - and your eyes darted over to your phone which laid next to the sink.
You were awaiting Bucky's text, letting you know everything had gone okay with him and Steve.
The amount of time he left him out there in silence was treacherous.
After telling Steve that he would continue talking while Steve listened, he had gone silent.
Truth was, he was afraid.
Bucky was also silently suffering from the tension he had put on his friendship with his best friend.
At one point, he had almost given up and just turned and walked home.
He was moments away from losing all hope before he saw Steve's face as the door creaked open.
They share a stinging look and Steve had led him into his apartment, through to his living room.
They sat there for a few minutes on the couch, squirming occasionally.
Bucky swirled the cup of water in his hand that had been given to him.
"Are you going to talk?" Steve asked hoarsely. "You seemed to have had so much to say."
Bucky looked at his best friend and Steve could see how tired he was.
He could tell how much this whole situation was having a toll over him.
"Steve, you're my best friend," Bucky sighed.
Steve played with his own glass as he looked away from his friend, sad.
"I met her the same day you did," Bucky started softly. "I need you to believe me that when I tell you that my intentions with her from the start was never to win her over, it's true. I wasn't interested in her like that," Bucky watched as Steve inhaled deeply, "I wanted her for you, we all did," Steve moved in his seat, resting both his elbows on his knees, "but we know how she wasn't ready for a relationship. Me and you both know that wasn't a facade. She wasn't ready. After we became best friends, you were right - I got too close," Steve's eyes flicked up at that and he gulped, "But it didn't help that Ashlyn was never there for me anymore," Steves eyes fell slowly off Bucky's face, "It wasn't like I wasn't trying to make it work between me and Ash. Hell, I even offered to go away with her on her work trips, but she kept pushing me away." Steve's eyes furrowed together, "I tried so hard to make it work. But it was almost like she was pushing me away. And by doing that, I ended up staying by Y/N's side more," Steve's breath hitched and Bucky ran a hand down his face, "We got close, and she became a saving ground for me. By the time I realized how I felt, it was too late. I didn't want to be that man, you have to believe me, I didn't want to cheat on my wife-"
Steve's head snapped up.
"Then why did you?"
Bucky's eyes didn't falter from him as he responded, "Because she got into my heart, man. I wanted to do it right, I wanted to tell Y/N how I felt and then later tell Ashlyn everything. I didn't expect that night to happen - for any of it to happen— and shit," Steve's eyes softened, "I know its hard for you to hear, but it did happen. It just felt so right, like it was something that was supposed to happen. And I know it's god awful, because I was getting married, but you need to understand the position I was in," Bucky's eyes were pleading. "I was so in love with her."
Steve stared at Bucky with a thoughtful face before looking back down at his glass. He ran his finger across the top of the rim.
"You love her?"
Bucky nodded slowly, "I do. And I know you felt the same," Bucky ticked his tongue, "but fuck...everything just felt so right with her. So correct. It did kill me knowing what I did to Ashlyn and to you, but fuck, it's like loving Y/N makes it all so much easier to accept."
Steve thinks for a second, and it's like he has a change of heart as his eyes soften significantly so.
"Look, I don't know what happened between you and Y/N. She didn't give me details, but please believe her when she says she didn't mean to make you think she lead you on, or that she doesn't care about you. None of this is black and white, there's too many grays. We can't take any of this at face value. We just need to all sit down and talk about it. We don't want to leave this a mess."
Steve chuckled.
"We."
Bucky narrows his eyes together on confusion.
"What?"
"We. You keep saying we. You and her; we."
They share a look of understanding and Bucky leans over to place his cup on the coffee table.
"Steve, if I— If I had had just a chance to talk to Ashlyn about everything I would have. I would've told her we couldn't get married because I loved Y/N, and I would've married her instead. If I could go back in time and do it right, I would. I wouldn't have hurt any of you."
Steve nods, taking a sip of his water.
"I get it. Your love for her. And now, just hearing the way you talk about her, I know it's not nearly as deep as what I feel. I love her, too. But I love her enough to let her be with a man she loves more," Steve is compassionate as he looks at Bucky, explaining himself, "She loves you more than she loves me. I see it in those beautiful eyes of hers when she talks about you."
Bucky's heart hammers away in his chest at those meaningful words.
"You're a good man, Bucky. You just went about this the wrong way. You never should have let this go on for so long. If you hadn't left her available. Shit."
"I know. I know."
"I need to ask. If you loved Y/N, why did you agree to still marry Ash that night?"
Bucky sucks in a deep breath as his shoulder cave in a bit, "I-under legal reasons I can't say."
Steve scoffs.
"What? So I'm you're best friend and you can't tell me why you still had to marry your wife."
A small smirk lines the sides of Bucky's lips.
"You're my best friend again."
Steve smiled.
"Tell me before I take it back."
Bucky considers his options - his lawyer vs his best friend - and the answer is simple.
"Ashlyn, when my father was still alive, they worked on his will alone. I couldn't divorce her unless more than half of the company went to her, including all the money, all the power; everything my parents worked for."
Steve's brows furrow together.
"Wait, Ashlyn? Sweet little Ash? Why the hell would she do that?"
"I still don't know. But, look, that's just one of the things about her that never made sense. We ended up not making sense."
"That still doesn't explain why you had to marry her. You said the will is only in affect after the marriage. You had all the power in the world to not marry her, it wouldn't have mattered. You could've married anyone else."
"I wanted to marry Y/N," his admission makes the room tense, but serene, "She was the only other one I wanted, but I wasn't sure about where she stood—I didn't want to risk it. I wasn't sure up until a few weeks before the wedding. That night, I was just going to speak to her and see if we could start a future, and I know it's stupid that I didn't get the guts to do it until the night before my wedding, but thats when I was going to tell her. I kind of did, and one thing led to another-"
Steve shook head as he sighed.
"And you slept together."
A beat.
"Yes."
Steve takes another sip of his water.
"Ash told me about the baby," Bucky sucks in a deep breath and he swallows hard, "Look, Bucky, if you and Y/N end up together, this baby will love you regardless. As will all your friends. It's just a tough situation."
"I know."
"Congratulations, by the way." Bucky gave him a tight line with his lips instead of a full smile, "You're not happy?"
Bucky sighs.
"What do you think, Steve? I mean, I know it's my baby. It will either be my daughter or my son, but this just made it a lot more difficult."
"You're almost a good man. I'll forgive you, but we all know there's one last thing you need to do."
The cool air of the night falling over him on Lafayette St sent a chill down his body.
He watched as a cab ran a red light, picking his iPhone out of his pocket.
He dials the number without a second thought and the voice that answers makes everything almost better again.
"Hey sweetheart, change of plans."
You were finishing putting on your open sandals as you sat on the side of the comfy bed.
You held the phone between your cheek in your shoulder.
"What's wrong?"
"I spoke to Steve, everything is good between me and him. For the most part."
A breath you didn't realize you were holding escapes your lips.
"Thank god. I'm so glad." he says your name softly and you smile, "Yeah?"
You hear nothing on the other end except for the honk of a car. Another long second passes by.
"We need to tell her."
You let your feet fall flat on the floor below you and you take your phone in your hand.
You felt the sudden fear that accompanied the anticipation of telling your sister something so sinful.
"Today?"
"Now." You suck in a sharp breath, "I know we promised sometime this week, but I don't think we should wait."
Telling you about the baby was on the tip of his tongue, but he was afraid. He needed to know he had you one hundred percent first.
"I'm on my way home now. I'd love it if you could meet me there." He adds before hanging up.
He looks up in the direction of where he could see his building and he swallowed thickly.
This was it.
After sliding his key in and noting the surprisingly lit home, he swallowed the heavy ball of bile that was crawling up his tight throat.
"Ash, I'm home."
His eyes scan the living room and then the open kitchen for the familiar head of hair. His lungs suck in a painful breath of air when he sees her coming around the corner, her silhouette blending in with the lights of the empire state building out the window, in the distance.
A tight but convincing smile fills her face, "Hey, how was your thing?"
Bucky thinks about his thing and he rubs the back of his neck nervously.
"Look, we need to talk."
He notices the way her body responds to his words. Afraid, protective mode on.
"Okay."
He takes a deep breath as he walks up to her.
He takes her hands into his and leads them over to the living room. He sits down on the side couch while Ashlyn sits on the main one - they are both white and prestigiously gorgeous.
Expensive.
Ashlyn has her hands in her laps as she waits for Bucky to speak. The way he fidgets and looks nervous doesn't help her own nerves.
"Ash, you-" he takes a deep breath and moves up closer, taking her hands in his once more, "you know I care about you, I always have-"
She stares at where their hands are clasped together.
Was this it? She thinks.
"Yeah?"
"Please don't," Bucky searches her eyes, almost desperately, "just listen to me when I talk. I-" He stops again, looking down again.
"Bucky, you're scaring me." Ashlyn whispers.
Bucky gapes up at her from under thick eyelashes
"Ashlyn," he looks away, shameful, "I cheated on you." It comes out in a whisper.
For a moment he wonders if he imagined saying it out loud, because Ashlyn doesn't say anything.
Another second passes and he feels her remove her hands from within his grasp.
"When?" Her voice shook with some kind of agony he couldn't pin point. Bucky looked down at the floor, feeling the sweat building up on his hands, "When?" Her voice was louder this time.
He's still looking at a spot on the floor. He straightens his back a bit, shoving down that bile once again, "About five years ago."
Ashlyn took a deep breath.
"And you're telling me now?" Her voice was tiny.
"I know, I should've told you sooner."
"Well, why didn't you?" Her voice sounded hurt.
Bucky doesn't respond as he finally raises his face, letting himself look directly into her own eyes.
His wife's eyes.
The tears he sees in them makes his heart shatter. "I knew something was always up," her voice was broken and quiet, "I knew someone was always on your mind," Bucky looks at a spot behind her shoulder as she eyes his face curiously, "What? Did you guys kiss in your office or something? Was it when I was in Paris?"
The overwhelming amount of questions make Bucky sweat even more under his shirt.
"Ash -"
"Please tell me it was just a kiss."
Bucky's face falls even further and Ashlyn's crumbles.
"Ash-" his voice breaks as he says her name.
This hurt.
He's not saying anything to retaliate against her statement and she knows exactly what that means. It hurts.
She can physically feel her heart constrict within her chest.
"I love you so much. Please tell me it was just a kiss."
He feels his heart beating away inside his body, he feels those tingles of guilt.
Bucky was silent as Ashlyn got up off the couch. He watched quietly as she ran a hand back through her hair.
"Bucky, no. please, no," she gripped her hair almost painfully with her right hand, her left one holds onto the back of the couch, "please."
He watches as her knuckles turn white.
"We slept together." He whispers.
A sob literally racked through her body at his words.
The sound is heartbreaking and Bucky swallows and swallows.
"Why?" She cried, "Why?" She walked up to Bucky and when she got no respond out of him, a loud slap echoes throughout the room.
She couldn't help it. This was emotions she's never been prepared for.
He feels that sting. It resonates throughout his entire being, and it leaves him feeling hot. His skin burns.
"Was I not good enough for you?" She whispers.
"Ashlyn, please-" He croaks out.
"You screwed some tramp while you were engaged to me and you never told me-when?"
"What?" He faces himself back to her.
"When did you sleep with this girl?" Ashlyn says louder.
He sees the hot tears running down her cheeks.
Bucky reaches out to grab her hands that are at her sides.
"I-"
"Who is she, Bucky?"
He goes for her hand -
"Ashlyn."
He tries to grab the other one, too.
"Get the fuck off me, how could you?!"
It's a scream that echoes throughout the entire house.
Bucky is breathing heavy through his nose, the aftermath of the slap now catching up to him.
He stares at her back.
"You were never there!" He snaps.
She recoils immediately. You might not have seen it, and you might not believe me, but I went through so much to try and make this work. I never stopped caring about you, ever. She wants to say.
"What?"
Bucky stands up so now they're both standing up.
He feels himself breathing harder, "One day, we were in love, then you were never there anymore, and someone else was!" His confession makes Ashlyn pull harder on her strands. Bucky moves up closer to her back, "I tried to make things work with you but you were always away on your damn work trips-"
Ashlyn quickly snaps back around to face him.
He doesn't even know. He doesn't even know any of it.
"So it's my fault you cheated on me?"
Bucky felt his own tears come up his throat. He loved you, but the reality was that he had become that man.
He hated himself for it. He hated that he had become unfaithful.
"You could've loved me, you could've cared-" He shouted through hot tears, his finger pointing in the air.
"I married you!" Ashlyn gave him a heavy shove, "Of course I loved you with all my heart."
"Enough that you have to get a fucking will saying that if I divorce you you get all my money? That much love? Huh?"
"Is that what that was about? You got pissed at me because of the prenup so you slept with some woman?"
Bucky gapes, shaking his head.
"No-what, no!"
There's a long silence except for both their breathing and the sniffing of tears. It scares Bucky the way her brows come together.
Realization.
"Wait, five years ago we were engaged. Was she there?"
He was panic-stricken.
"What?"
He moves up dangerously closer.
"Was she at our engagement party?"
"No."
Ashlyn tiled her head at Bucky.
"When did you do it? Did you sleep with her while we were engaged?" Bucky didn't answer, but not letting his gaze lift off hers, "Please answer me, Bucky. When did you sleep with her?" She screams the last part as her voice breaks.
A beat.
"The night-" Bucky swallowed hard, "The night before we got married."
His wife's face falls in a way he had never seen before. This hurt him just as much as it hurt her.
He furiously blinked away the tears that clouded his vision. Ashlyn turns around again and he sniffs.
A hard sob racked through Ashlyn's body as she brought her hand to her mouth. She cries just like that for a good few seconds as Bucky's breathing becomes shallower.
It makes him flinch - her pained screams.
"No. No. No! That's why you couldn't even look at me on our wedding night, because you had been screwing some whore the night before. It's why you didn't even sleep with me that night."
"Would you stop!" He sobs, running a hand up the side of his face.
"You disgust me. You're a pig." Ashlyn's face crumbled, "God why? Why do I still love you? I can't even look at you right now. I never would've thought you would do something so horrible to me. Now I keep picturing you and some girl."
Ashlyn tried to calm her breathing as much she could, "I know I should have been there more, I know, but I always trusted that one day you would understand me. I was going to explain. I was." She said through strong hiccups. Bucky sniffed again, wiping tears with his fingers. "I trusted you to never hurt me. But it was only the one time, right?" Bucky's body went stiff at her question. It hang in the air like a big neon light, "You only slept with her once, right?"
Bucky bit his bottom lip.
"I slept with her twice." It was barely a whisper.
Ashlyn's bottom lip shook.
"While we were married?"
"Yes."
Ashlyn sobbed again, hiding her face in her hands.
He watches her cautiously.
She walks over to the island and in a rage and she tosses everything to the floor: plates, table decor, an iPad.
All of it shatters.
But his only concern:
"Ashlyn, the baby-"
Her sobs got wilder. As she stared at all the plates shattered on the floor beneath them.
"Why am I never good enough?" She whimpered, "Why does this always happen to me? What's wrong with me?"
Bucky's face fell, a few more tears adding on to the one that had already begun to dry.
"Please, let me explain. I want to explain it to you, I do-"
"You're a fucking cheater, Bucky!"
"I know, okay! I know!"
"What's even the point of this, five years so late? Huh? What's the fucking point? Was the guilt killing you? Did you finally have enough of the guilt-"
"No!" He screams.
"Then what? Were you expecting some kind of forgiveness?"
"I'm telling you this because there's more."
She looks at Bucky like he's got three heads.
"More?"
A soft whine leaves his mouth as he pulls on his own hair this time.
"She's not a tramp and she's not a whore." He says under his breath.
Ashlyn seethed.
"I am so sorry I have to do this to you. That we have to do this to you."
"What are you talking about?"
Bucky ran a hand through his hair, "Fuck."
Ashlyn stares at him as he turns around, still pulling on his hair.
She feels something in her stomach she can't pin point.
"Who is she?" Her voice was so calm it was scary. When he doesn't respond, she repeats it louder. "Who is she?"
There's a knock on the door.
Her furious eyes go up to the door.
"Who is that?" When he doesn't say anything again, Ashlyn yells towards the direction of the door, "Who are you? You whore!"
You freeze.
Ashlyn's scream sends a shiver down your back as your hand tightens on the door knob.
You and Bucky had made a promise, and as much as you dreaded the hurt you would cause, you both knew you had to do this. This had to be done, it wasn't optional.
But how you hated it. You wish you didn't have to do this.
You go in slowly, so very afraid.
The quietness of the home enveloped you.
When you and your sister's eyes meet, Ashlyn stumbles back on her feet, shaking her head maniacally. Her eyes were blood shot.
Her hands go to her hair as she pulls on it.
"No. no. no, no, no."
You looked over.
Bucky also found himself distraught as he walked himself back, still pulling on his own hair.
You swallowed hard at the scenario in front of you.
It was agonizing.
You take in the surroundings more. There were items thrown across the floor, broken and shattered to pieces.
You inhale sharply.
Your eyes meet hers again - they look utterly broken.
You feel yourself start to shake as you attempt to move closer.
"Don't come near me."
You're still and you can hear your heart in your ears.
Your mouth gapes.
"Ashlyn, please let me-"
A sob cuts you off. An tormented cry for help, for relief. Bucky runs his hands down his face and it's now that you see how much he has also cried.
Ashlyn continues to cry hysterically.
You're just about to get the nerves to walk up again when she suddenly makes a run for Bucky.
Bucky grabs her arms as she attempts to throw heavy punches at his chest.
"You-you had sex with my little sister!" Bucky's grip tightened on her wrists, "Five fucking years? Is that why you couldn't be near her? You fucking piece of shit!" Ashlyn bawls perilously.
"Ashlyn, stop!"
Ashlyn snarls at your voice as she spins around to go at you, but Bucky manages to grab her from behind by her waist.
"Let me go, Bucky," Ashlyn looks back at you, "How could you do this to me, you're my little sister. You were the only light in my life!"
Now it was your turn to feel the tears coming up.
"I'm so sorry."
"No you're not. If you were you wouldn't have slept with him twice. My own husband. My own husband." She repeats it over and over again until her loud cries overpower her will to talk.
You and Bucky both watch her fall apart and it breaks all of your hearts bit by bit.
So many years of betrayal and lies had led up to this moment and it was worse than any of you could've ever imagined.
Bucky slowly lowers himself to the floor onto his knees as Ashlyn begins to collapse in his arms.
"Please, just take it back." Her anguished voice whispers just before her world goes dark.