Rikki's POV
Once we landed, we headed to Harry's apartment to just hang for a little and then Harry said he had somewhere to take me tonight. I was beyond excited to see Kylie tomorrow morning. I can't believe I have spent this long without her, I'm usually stuck to her like glue. If I'm being honest, this whole online school thing has been pretty hard. I just learn better in a classroom because I feel like I really take in the information when I'm physically there. I also enjoy going to campus because again, the environment there is like no other.
Something else that has really been on my mind for a bit is the feeling as if I'm not my own person. Though this has been the best few weeks of my life, it has also been the most degrading. When people think of me they only think of "Harry's girl" and that's not all I want to be known as. It can't be all I'm known as. That's what is was like with Noah and everyday I try and forget about that relationship, but now that Harry and I are more public I'm being reminded of it more and more each day. Harry is the best thing that has happened to me. I don't doubt for a second that he is "the one" for me, but how can I be in a relationship with someone if I'm not my own person? It's like its the right person, but at the wrong time. I feel like I need to find out who I am before I can truly feel devoted to my relationship, but to find out who I am, I think I would need to stay here in New York.
"Hey babe, do you want to take a shower?" Harry asked with a sly smirk pulling me out of my own thoughts.
"Sure, but just a shower that's it Mr." I said jabbing him in the chest with my index finger.
"We'll see." I heard him mumble as we made our way to his bathroom.
As I rid myself of my clothes I could feel his eyes burning through me causing chills to rise all over me. I don't think he will ever not have this effect on me. I got into the shower first, closing my eyes as I stepped under the hot water. I turned to to get my face wet and washed my face until I was makeup free, even though I was only wearing concealer. I then felt a pair of hands grab me by my waist and spin me around. I then went in for a quick peck, but Harry refused to let his grip on me go. I felt his tongue swipe against my bottom lip which made my mouth part a bit and he instantly took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. My hands took there usual place in his hair and I started moving back until I was against the wall and Harry was getting soaked in water. I felt him smile into the kiss which made a cheeky grin appear on mine.
Harry pulled away and just looked at me. "I- I lo-" he mumbled before saying " You make me so happy." I instantly blushed, but then felt a small pang of guilt. Just a couple minutes ago I thought about staying here and letting him finish tour without me. I then reached behind Harry for the bottle of shampoo and put some in my hands before I put it in his hair. Harry always enjoyed when I would rake my fingers through his curly hair because he said it reminded him of when he would just lay in his moms lap without a care in the world as she played with his hair.
We finished up in the shower, but not after a couple a sly remarks and cheeky kisses from Harry. Harry had a couple of calls to take, so I decided to head to the living room and put on a movie. I decided to watch The Perks Of Being A Wallflower even though it made me ball my eyes out in the end. I tried to focus on the movie, but all my mind would think about is whether or not I should stay here. I really didn't want to leave, but I need to. Not only for myself, but for Harry too. If I stay, he can continue tour without having to worry about me and my unimportant problems and he can feel free and I feel in control. The only thing holding me back is how hopelessly in love I am with Harry. It was like loving him was the antidote, but now I don't know.
Thinking about this gave me some inspiration so I ran up and grabbed my journal. I sat back down on the sofa and opened it up. There was something I wrote earlier while Harry was asleep on the plane "Through Paris all through Rome I know you'll crave my touch and my old lover's hippie music, but trust me the world's happy waiting until I can see you again. I'll hope you'll carry the feeling when the sky has never looked so blue." I went back to my huge thought bubble and starting writing. "I can feel you take control, of who I am and all I've ever known. I used to think loving you was the antidote, but known I don't know." It felt good to get this out, but there is still that bit of guilt.
I heard Harry coming down the stairs and looked up to see a frown on his face. "What's up Bub?" I asked curious to why he's upset.
"Jeff told me a few things, not much to worry." He said, but I could tell he was lying. I gave him the 'I know you're lying look' to which he said "How come you can read me so well?".
"Because I have a super power which tells me when Harry Styles is lying." I said moving over so he could sit next to me. "Bubs, please tell me what's going on." I asked. What if he read some of what I wrote this morning in my journal while I was downstairs. What if he asked me what I meant, I had no idea how I was gonna tell him that I-.
"Stupid social media." He said retrieving me from my thoughts. "I love my fans, but they can say some really messed up stuff."
"What did they say?"
"They erm they just- they said some things about someone I care about deeply."
"So me?" I asked to which he looked down which brought me to my answer that it was indeed about me. "What did it say this time? If it's about how I look and act I don't really care because they have no idea who I am." but neither do I I wanted to add.
"No, no it wasn't as bad as that, it was just a few comments saying "She's just another one of Harry's girls" and "I've never even heard of her."
"Oh." Is all I had to say because it was in fact worse. But I know have my answer on the question that has been on my mind for a bit now.
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I'm sorry....
All I'm gonna say is prepare for next chapter