🐺 🐺🐺
I thought those words would be enough, but they aren't. I'm glad for that, while at the same time slightly frustrated. Namjoon wants to go over the entire thing with me, and lay out every tiny detail to make sure I know what I'm agreeing to. It's annoying.
But also sexy as hell.
Consent is hot.
"You won't be able to leave me. You know that, right?" the words seem to pain him to say. A while ago he'd taken to pacing back and forth anxiously in front of me and he continues doing just that.
"I know. I'm never leaving you."
A happy grin and matching dimples come out for a second before his face morphs back into a worried expression. "You will become more like me." he says in a warning tone, and I nod along knowing exactly where he's going. "You're going to be more possessive, and it will be harder to separate."
"But you said it will be easier?" I question. He's said that multiple times. I've always heard that he would 'settle down' in a sense after he marks me. That me being around unmated wolves wouldn't bother him and that separation wouldn't be as tough because he would know if I was in danger or not.
"Yes, after a time. A week, give or take. At first you're not going want me to leave your sight. You'll be like full moon Fluffy for a few days."
Oh lord. Well. I guess now would be the best time since everyone is out of town. We have the house to ourselves.
"Ok." I nod in agreement and this only seems to bring him more concern.
"You're going to feel everything. Not only the full mate bond, but you will also feel my feelings. All the time."
"Ah uh."
"And you're going to feel the sparks."
"The sparks sound nice!" I say excitedly. I've always wanted to know what the big deal with the sparks are. He calls them sparks but I call them tingles. What's the difference?
"They are..." he trails off in concern, eyes tracing my face for any sign of unease. I know he won't find any because there is none. I'm ready for this. "Are you absolutely certain? You can't go back on this. It's a one time decision. What if-"
"Namjoon, get your ass over here and bite me already!"
He shoots to my side without question, sitting down and pulling me close.
"You're sure? I need to hear the words."
Mentally I'm weeping over how perfect he is. Steadying myself, I loop my arms around his neck and look him dead in the eye.
"Mark me. I'm ready. I love you, and I want this. I want you to mark me, Namjoon."
He looks like he's about to cry. "I love you too." After a shaky breath, he relaxes his shoulders and tells me, "Fluffy has to do this part."
"Ok," I tell him gently and lean up to peck his lips. "See you on the other side."
A small laugh escapes him as he touches his forehead to mine. Silence rests over our shoulders, sheltering us in one last peaceful moment. I'm just beginning to wonder what he's waiting for when he perks back up. When our gazes meet, it's obvious who I'm looking at now.
"Mate!" FluffyNamjoon kisses me three times in quick succession before diving for my neck, kissing, licking, and nipping me right where I know he likes it the most. I'm more than flustered and out of breath by the time he looks up once more for approval. "Are you ready?"
Well if I wasn't then I definitely am now. Nodding, I wait for him to go ahead but he sits still, I'm guessing to hear me say it. "Yes."
A dark and intent look that takes hold of his face has me gulp. He kisses me one last time and then ducks down.
Something foreign touches that area that he's paid so much attention to over the years. I'm wondering what it is, and what's taking him so long, before it all hits me like an atomic bomb.
Suddenly I'm transported back in time, but is it me? Or is it Namjoon? Because the face I'm met with is my own, and a strong, alluring scent hits me hard. In school, my hair thrown up into a bun. Red converse paired with my school uniform was apparently what I deemed fashionable at the time. I've never looked into a mirror and felt as if every part of my entire being was being weaved with another person, but yet, that's what was happening. I come to realize after a moment that this wasn't me looking back in time, but it was Namjoon's memories.
This is...incredible. I feel...or Namjoon felt, as if everything was right in the universe. All I can see is...me. All I can feel is elation, pride, love. Then the next few moments were a blur of memories, smells, feelings.
I see me, but I feel...it's too hard to put in words. It's impossible to wrap the feeling up with one description. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced and so intense I want to cry and laugh at the time.
When I think it's done I go back again, this time as me looking at Namjoon. Every look and moment we shared before hardened like concrete, enveloping me in this blanket of bliss and absolution. Our existences intertwine in a deep web too tightly knotted and complex to ever be broken. Invisible yet stronger than steel. Unbreakable but gentle and warm. The purest love, white hot and entirely encompassing. I need him. He is my other half I never knew was missing and the one piece of a puzzle to make me complete. Now we are one and my entire world is set right.
The whole experience is so intense that when I sense I'm back where I started, in my real body, sitting comfortably on my bed safe in Namjoon's arms, that all the air in my lungs expels from my mouth loudly. My body, still mine but somehow different, sags in relief. Then I look at him.
Namjoon.
God.
There's this thread, a strong, unbreakable thread that I can't see but am able to feel that tethers us together and forms one whole.
How had I missed it? I've loved him for years. He's mine, he's my everything, but somehow, someway, I missed it.
Namjoon is the whole world. He's my world. He's more than just 'I love you'. Those words can't possibly do my feelings justice. He's ethereal, he's more vast than Mount Everest and deeper than any ocean because he's mine. The most important thing to me. He's my mate. My other half.
His face is the same, but somehow different. More pronounced, more beautiful. I trace his features slowly with my eyes, utterly fascinated and unable to explain how I had failed to notice before how gorgeous he was. How perfect. How every little thing about him seems as if it were just for me and me alone. He says something that I hear, but don't listen to because the sound of his voice brings me so much pleasure that I fear I might drown in it.
Another thing was that I can feel is Fluffy. Now it seems silly to give him a name. Fluffy was Namjoon and Namjoon was Fluffy. He's attempted to explain it to me before but I'd been unwilling to listen. But as of now, I can recognize that they are separate but singular entities. Two sides making a whole, and both dedicating their existences to me.
Fluffy is elated. I don't understand why I know it. But now it's not just my feelings I'm experiencing, but it's theirs too. Their feelings and their needs. I can almost hear the words in my head. They want me to speak, to assure them that I'm ok. But my tongue is tied and my heart is beating so painfully hard over how remarkable he is.
Ugh, when did I get so mushy?
Oh, that's right. Like two minutes ago.
"Hi." My voice sounds small even to my ears. Something like unease prods at me, and strangely I'm able to recognize that it's not my own feeling.
"Are you alright?"
"Ahuh," I nod, eyes moving over Namjoon's hairline. How the hell is his hairline perfect to me?
"How do you feel?"
"Amazing," I breathe, moving my gaze to his jaw line and tracing it all the way up to his ear. I halt when I realize something. "But you already know that. Right?"
He nods and appears to think for a moment. "Yes. That's new for me though. It's usually Fluffy that can do that."
His words cause me to brighten, and make me want to test something out. "Hi, Fluffy!"
Excitement and happiness flow from him. And something like a hello? I can't hear the words, but...feel them. Automatically I know those emotions are from my wolf and not from Namjoon. It's all weird, but when has being with Namjoon not been?
Curious, I focus my attention on those feelings more, trying to separate the two flows of aura I'm connected to. Fluffy's from Namjoon's. Namjoon's vibe is slightly sharper in nature, if that makes sense. On his side there's an edge of worry, but an underlying calm and assurance. While on Fluffy's side, (which ironically feels softer and fluffier) it's euphoric and giddy in a hyper way, like he has the urge to get up and run or move around. Underneath that is a dark and heavy possessiveness that shocks me at the weight of it, when really I know it shouldn't. On top of everything else, there's this massive red flame that's a constant between both of them. After a moment of trying to distinguish what that is, it clicks. An instant later my eyes fill with tears.
I don't deserve him. A wave of panic travels through the bond so I hastily wipe them away.
"I love you too." I say as clearly as I can, hoping that the words have the impact I want them to, even though in my mind they could never be enough.
One hand reaches for me that I meet halfway. Intertwining our fingers, I feel it. Those sparks (which I consider to be tingles) erupt from the point of contact to wiggle into every inch they can in my body. It's the normal tingles plus what I would usually feel when we hug. Blissful, complete, perfect.
"Fuck yeah! This is the shit!" I exclaim as Namjoon's laughs at my reaction. "You feel this every time we touch?" I ask in wonder. "How do you let me go?"
"Control." He answers simply. I frown when I recall all the times I used to get stuck in one of his python hugs and got annoyed because he wouldn't let me go. Without a doubt he was too clingy, but I'd never considered that it would be due to something he had no control over.
"Y/n." The thumb he moves in circles on the back of my hand sends shivers up my arm.
"Hm?"
His other hand reaches up to stroke lightly over his favorite spot, the spot I now bear his mark. The reminder brings a myriad of feelings in me, something like pride residing at the forefront. The moment his fingers brush over it a pleasurable sensation that nothing can equate to has me shuddering in gratification.
"Thank you." The words are heavy in weight and come from my wolf and Namjoon both. Funny how I can almost see Fluffy, sharp teeth on display in a wide grin.
"You too."
"What for?"
"For being my mate. And loving me even when I'm annoying."
"You aren't annoying." he says unconvincingly before adding on, "sometimes." Fluffy becomes irritated at these words and I can't help but giggle in appreciation at how perfect he perceives me to be. Honestly though, Fluffy is the perfect one here.
After a few moments Namjoon pulls away and I startle a bit, some part of me instantly becomes panicked and an increasing uneasiness screams at me to not let him go. Listening to my bigger instincts I grab him, now hyper aware of all the dangers around us. Obviously, I can't let Namjoon out of my sight today. He's clumsy as all hell! What if he falls down the stairs or breaks something and cuts himself or, or...oh lord. I've gone crazy.
...but now that I think about it, I don't care.
We have to protect mate. I mean, Namjoon. I mean, I need to protect Namjoon.
Wait. What?
Namjoon appears more than pleased that I'm clinging onto him for dear life. I want to glare at him for enjoying this but can't seem to find it in me to be angry at him right now, which is an odd occurrence in itself.
"Is my mate hungry?" He asks cutely, trying to reach my cheeks to pinch but I burrow my face in his chest to escape.
I answer in a positive sound that has him chuckling.
"I'm...going to have to cook, aren't I?"
"Mm." Who said I need food? Food? Who is Food cause all I know is my soul mate.
"I'll take that as a yes." He moves to stand and I hold on tighter, but the end result is him dragging me up along with him. At the realization that he wants to go downstairs, nervousness takes over my system. Namjoon and stairs don't mix. He's missed steps and fallen down more than a few since I've known him and now I'm hyper aware of how dangerous that could potentially be. And bad luck would deem that today would be the day he dies. I just know it.
He doesn't appear to care though, calmly walking into a dangerous mine field oblivious of the peril he's in.
"Wait!" I yell when we reach the stairs—it had taken longer than it should have due to some awkward shuffling because I didn't want to let go. "I'll go down first." So I can catch him if he falls...or more likely cushion the blow. Although, if that really happened it would probably result in both of us dead but at least then I could die knowing I tried. Or die knowing I'd killed us both, cause that's totally how I want to go out.
But, hey! The bright side of this is that marking me didn't do anything to make me less of a sarcastic ass.
I finally pry myself off of Namjoon but hold his hand in a death grip. He doesn't judge me for acting like a freak show, but kisses my hand and assures me that everything is going to be alright. How could he know that? He doesn't know that. A meteor could come crashing through the roof ANY second.
Oh my lord I'm never going to be able to let him out of my sight again, am I?
I'm actually not mad at the thought.
Ok what the fuck is this that I'm not mad anymore?
We take the stairs with me leading the way like a grandma, holding onto the railing (and making Namjoon too) so tightly that my knuckles turn white. Taking one step at a time, I stop on each one to look back and make sure he's stable. Twenty minutes later, we reach the bottom.
I'm not joking.
Once at the bottom landing, we're miraculously still alive. Lucifairy eyes me judgmentally as I jump back into Namjoon's arms in relief and press my ear to hear his heartbeat to reassure myself that he's ok. SOMEHOW we made it down the stairs without dying.
He laughs again and hugs me back, reminding me that he had told me everything was going to be fine. Through the bond I can feel that Fluffy is soaking this up like a joyous puppy. It soothes me to an extent knowing that he's happy.
Meanwhile, Fluffy Jr is howling at the back door, Lucifairy is rubbing against our legs for attention, and Namjoon's stomach is growling. But I can't for the life of me pull away, and right about now I'm wondering how I've ever been able to. And even more impressive, how Fluffy was ever able to let me go to the toilet in private on full moons.
"Come on, you can do it," Namjoon gently coaxes as he extricates himself from my hold. Stupid werewolf strength. How the hell am I supposed to beat that? "Kitty, we need to get our daughter inside. Don't you hear her?" I frown. Of course I hear her. What's his point? "And look, our other baby wants her morning cuddles," he points out Lucifairy at our feet. "I know it's hard but you need to focus. You are the most important thing to me, and I'm the most important to you. Nothing can change that. But that doesn't mean that our other loved ones get neglected. It's important to remember them too."
Oh. That's his point.
And dammit it's a good one.
"Ok," I squeeze his hand. "Just...don't leave me."
"I would never."
It's after I shower Lucifairy in love (one handedly), let Fluffy Jr in, feed her and all of the kitties, that we're making breakfast in a normal fashion...except that it's Namjoon struggling to cook while I back hug him and sigh in content.
I'd asked for fried eggs but he broke the yoke while cracking the egg and sent shells into the mix as well. I don't really care. All I care about is hugging him for as long as I can. He huffs and growls in annoyance every now and then, occasionally asking me to help but giving up when I stand on my tip toes to kiss the back of his neck. It's his weak spot and since I've found it I've used it to my advantage every opportunity I get.
"Y/n," his voice is slightly muffled to my hearing since I'm shamelessly rubbing my head all over his back to spread my scent. It seems really important. "Y/n!"
Why do I feel déjà vu?
"Yeah?" I rub my cheek along his shoulder, tingles spreading all over my face before racing down my spine.
"I burnt it. How do I fix it?"
"You can't." I sigh happily, moving on to his other shoulder.
A frustrated breath leaves him. "This is your fault. You realize that, right?"
Usually I'd reply with a snarky, "Bitch am I the one holding the spatula?" But today is happy day, so I shrug and squeeze him tighter, chirping, "Uhuh."
I hear the sound of the plastic utensil being dropped into the pan. "And what do you propose we eat?"
Imma pretend my first thought to respond with wasn't a very dirty thought.
"Cereal?"
Another growl rumbles out of him, this one of tired resignation. The idea is laughable, but my best guess is maybe I'm annoying him with my clingy-ness?
Eh. He's earned it.
"I love you," I lean onto my tippy toes again towards his ear. "Oppa."
Dammit! I should have said slut.
Another growl but this time he whips around and lifts me onto the counter. Before I know it we're kissing and I'm completely floored by this new adventure. Kissing, hugging, usually anything to do with Namjoon has always been intense, but this is by far the most pleasure I've ever gotten from it. He feels like this all the time? Again, I have to ask. HOW does he let me go?
Before it was those familiar happy tingles but now it's sparks, something that's alive in my veins and crackles over our skin wherever we touch. You know that feeling you get when you see a new cat? It's like that, but...I'm ashamed to say this...but better. A hundred times better.
That's the best description I can give, sorry. Right now, I'm going to fully invest my time and energy into groping Namjoon.
His jaw works under my fingertips as our impromptu make out session heats up. Our lips move in sync and when he nibbles on my bottom lip for permission to take it further, I surprise him by biting his top one back.
It gets faster, hungrier in less than a second. A fierce passion races across the bond from both ends and explodes in an rain shower of multicolored sparks. It's almost like we're fighting each other with how fervent the kissing becomes and continues, on and on until we're forced to separate due to lack of oxygen.
Both panting hard, our eyes meet and the wild lust in his threatens to melt me on the spot. Without warning he's gone from there to move on to his mark.
Tongue rolling over it experimentally sends a jolt of pleasure throughout my entire body. Soon following is an embarrassingly loud moan. I'm torn between wanting him to stop and asking him to keep going, but before I can get any words out he switches to the other side of my neck and plants his face there. It irritates me a bit, but I don't protest, knowing he's probably at his limit.
We still haven't had sex. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Everyone else around me has already gone down that path. Even my own best friend thinks I'm weird for it. The guys aren't technically supposed to date and they don't, but I know they aren't all celibate. So why am I not ready?
This is a time where I need a mom. Supposedly they give good advice and support you. All I have is granny. And when I tried to ask her about it she said, "you're perfect. Now shut the fuck up and spread the mixture." We were making kimchi at the time.
I don't understand myself and why I can't just do it already, and I feel bad. Is this fair to Namjoon? On one hand, he doesn't have a say. It's my body. On the other, I'm abnormal and he's stuck with me. There has never been once when he's tried to pressure me or guilt me into it. And because of that, I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks of it. As long as he's fine with it, their opinion is irrelevant. But hell, even if he was begging me at every opportunity, their opinion, and his, would be irrelevant as all fuck.
But he's not. He's perfect and dimply and loves me for some reason. A reason I now can sort of begin to wrap my mind around, now that I feel the bond.
Pulling away from my neck, his eyes still hold a look of dark possessiveness to them, especially when they linger over his mark. Pride is evident in the small, but satisfied smile when his thumb strokes over it. This creates a different feeling from before. Calm and happy shivers. For a second I contemplate going ahead and taking us to the next level, but in the next, throw the idea out the window. It would be a rash decision based on the feelings in my body, instead of feelings in my heart and a rational thinking mind.
It's ok to wait. And I'll wait for as long as I want to.
After a deep sigh, he starts to speak. "You need to-"
What I need to do is rub my head all over him. I feel the sudden urge to shift in order to better spread my scent but resist. Becoming an animal makes it far easier to give into my instincts and It's impossible to resist temptation. The temptation I want to fight currently is this weird voice in my head urging me to bite him on the hip. Why the hip again? I'm not sure why but the idea feels right somehow.
To appease myself instead I rub my face on the side of his neck where it produces the most heat. I have to get my scent on him so the other bitches out there know whose mate he is. The thought of another girl around him gives me so much anxiety I begin to feel nauseous so I keep going, up the column of his throat and then down the other side.
"Everything is going to be fine, Y/n. I'm yours forever."
These words, and the affectionate way he brushes his nose against mine proceeding them have me instantly calm. Damn. I should have let him mark me forever ago. This shit is great. He's more handsome than I ever thought he could be, he smells so good and his voice makes my muscles relax and my soul to breathe a fresh air of relief.
I think I'm addicted. But again, I really don't care.
__
Edited 7/8/22