My dudes this part is like twice as long as usual chapters.... AH SORRY i guess I could've split it into multiple parts but meh idk what I'm doing.
Love it? Hate it? Think it could be better? Tell me in the comments!
"Hey, there's a party at Morgan's place tonight, you wanna come?" Clarissa asks as soon as I answer her call.
I smile, leaning the heavy box against my leg so I can press the walk signal button. "You know I have homework, plus I have to finish my research paper by Tuesday."
"Tuesday is in four days though!" she protests, even as I begins to walk across the street. "And you barely have anything to write anyhow, you're a English genius, it'll be a piece of cake!"
"A piece of cake that I should eat today." I say, readjusting the phone as I sit down. "I can't go tonight, final answer." There's a pause on the line, and I squint in the afternoon sun to locate the oncoming bus.
"Caleb will be there."
My spine tingles, and I look around for people with more urgency, afraid someone might overhear.
"I know you have the hots for him." She teases. It was scary how she knew something about me that I hadn't even discovered yet. How did she know? How do I know? Do I know? Do I even think?
"I do not, you have no proof." I argue in a hushed tone.
"No proof?" She taunts. "I heard that he stayed the night at your place the other day."
"That was different." I mutter, shifting uncomfortably under my box of groceries. "It had nothing to do with having a crush on him."
"But you admit that you do?"
I freeze, slapping my forehead full palm. I hold the phone away from my ear as Clarissa begins a volley of "I knew it" and "I told you so." I check both ways, then continue talking in a hushed tone, making sure I'm not overheard.
"Okay, so what, I have a crush on him. Who doesn't? He's a great guy, he's strong, smart, and handsome; the whole deal. What does it matter if I have a crush on him?"
"It matters because he's gonna be at the party tonight."
I clench my teeth. "I hate that you know me so well."
"I'll be over at ten to seven; bring your best speedo, it's a pool party." She says happily, then hangs up before I can ask any questions.
-
I feel weird. This is weird. I shouldn't be wearing a swimsuit, why did I agree to this?
Clarissa's car honks insistently in the driveway. She texts me a moment later, knowing exactly how to pull me out of crippling self doubt. "Full send, dude."
I take a deep breath, put my shirt on the counter, and turn to leave.
"Skylar," Clarissa says in awe as I climb into the passenger seat.
"You look fantastic."
"Really?" I ask, mood brightening as my self confidence grows. "Thank you."
"Yeah what the heck, you're stacked." She starts the car, but still stares.
"Heh thanks." I say, a bit unsure.
"Do you work out? Well obviously you do, but do you follow a program? A special diet?"
"Um... eat good, lift good?" I respond, uncomfortable from the attention.
"Nuh-uh. That's not it." She pulls out of the driveway, then glances over again. "You look like a freakin parkour master or som'm, bro."
"Cool story bro." I press my lips together in embarrassment. The irony of being called a parkour master.
"Anyway, I hope you're ready for the party of your life, because I brought glow sticks." She tosses me the bag, turning her attention back to the road. I pop it open to see it stuffed to bursting with plastic tubes.
"Clarissa, these are illegal. How did you get this many?" I marvel, taking one out to inspect it.
"I have resources. Plus, they aren't illegal in certain territories, so even if we do get busted we can say I got them from Reno or something."
"But they are illegal here." I look up at her. "If we get busted it's over."
She's quiet for a moment. Then she whispers "senior send."
"No, senior send should not include things that can get us thrown in jail, or fined until our wallets bleed. You're not even a senior!"
"You're no fun." She pouts, taking the bag from me. "They're only illegal because the inside stuff is toxic, and people started drinking it on dares. I'll make you a deal: we keep the glow sticks as long as nothing leaks. Will that satisfy your thirst for justice?"
"Hmm. I wouldn't call it thirst, but yes; I'm satisfied."
"Good, cuz we're here." She says, pulling up to the curb.
We get out, and make our way to the front doors. I'm halfway up the sidewalk when I stop dead in my tracks. "Oh shoot," I realize. "Is Rachel...?"
Clarissa punches her palm and lets out a long sigh. "Here? Most likely, yes. Unfortunately."
I slap my forehead, groaning. "That is unfortunate."
"It'll be fine." Clarissa says, "She always stays in the back and gossips, you'll hardly see her."
"Okay, whatever you say." I sigh in defeat, pushing the right side door open.
Music and party lights greet us when we enter the high domed recreation center. There are people everywhere, playing in the pool, chillin in the jacuzzi, playing ping pong, toasting mallows in a fire pit just outside, zip line, volleyball, swinging on a swing set, soccer; you name it, it's probably here somewhere. There's more music and lights spilling out from a DJ table to the right, and I can see dancing near it. The overall room is dim; only illuminated by the DJ table, a disco high above, and the pool lights.
"Hey everyone!" Clarissa shouts, holding the bag above her head in triumph. "I got glow sticks!"
Gasping, cheering, and then running. A herd of people bombard Clarissa, and she does her best to hand the sticks out in an organized fashion. I hurry and snag one, snapping it so the chemicals mix. I bend it around my wrist, and shake it a little. Green. Not really my color, but I'll take what I can get.
"Skylar!" A familiar voice cries out, and suddenly I am being tackled. I stand my ground however, and Rachel simply bounces off me.
The way her skin touched me makes my face and neck grow warm. "Oh hey," I say.
"You're so strong!" She comments, looking me up and down. Her eyes linger on my chest, and I look down at my feet for a second to try and gather my wits.
Option one: laugh. Option two: tell her to stop looking then leave the party. Option three: spontaneous combustion. I take a hard look at option three, then decide to laugh it off with a "thanks."
She touches my stomach, and I reflexively tense, leaning away. Her eyes get wide and she goes "ooh" with a grin. "Skylar I had no idea!"
"Haha, thanks." I say again, trying to look only at her eyes.
I glance up at the rest of the party, and see several pairs of eyes wandering my way. I've become a beacon. They can see right through me.
"Anyway, where's the food?" I ask, pushing past her.
In one foul swoop Rachel scoops up my hand in hers, and falls into step beside me. She clutches my arm with her other hand, tightly, so I won't try to escape.
Maybe she's like a dog and if I ignore her long enough she will go away. I wave to some of my other buddies, and bump fists with a couple more.
We arrive at the snack table, and suddenly a beach ball whacks me in the back of the head. I turn to see who threw it, taking the opportunity to slip out of Rachel's grasp by hitting a fist into my palm.
Caleb. He's come to rescue me. But something is not right. I don't realize it right away, but when I do I feel a bit betrayed.
He's wearing a shirt. How dare he. He looks so good with the white rash guard accenting the white stripes on his swim trunks... the same swim trunks that I'm wearing.
"This will not do." He says, putting his hands on his hips. "One of us needs to change."
Rachel slips her hand into mine, and I glance over at her for a second, face already hot. I look back to Caleb, smirking. "Well, I'm not changing."
He glances at Rachel, but he's confused. He can't decide whether or not I like her. He can't tell if he should swoop in or not.
"Maybe we should fight over it." He says, still confused.
"Sounds like a plan." I say, dropping Rachel's hand again. She still clutches my arm, so I look over at her and step away. She just stares at me, a bit dazed.
I look back up at Caleb, but it's too late. He is charging at me, and buries his shoulder into my stomach, lifting me off the ground and knocking the air from my lungs. I grab his shoulders as he runs, yelling at people to get out of the way. Suddenly he's jumping, and I brace for impact.
The water is warm, and envelopes me in an instant. Through the bubbles and confusion, I feel Caleb release me, and I swim for the surface.
I break through, taking a huge gulp of air. People are cheering, and I swipe the water and hair out of my eyes so I can see.
Caleb resurfaces next to me, and I cheer with the crowd. He swipes the hair off his face with a flick of his head. He smiles, eyes gleaming from the pool lights.
"Thanks man." I say.
"I gotchu." He replies, shaking more water off and dousing me with droplets. "That's what friends are for, yeah?"
My spine tingles. "Yeah."
"Cannon ball!" Someone yells, and suddenly Tyson comes crashing into the water next to me.
He pops up and tackles me, grabbing my head and forcing me under. I didn't get to take a breath, and my lungs are freaking out. All sound has stopped other than the swishing of water against my ears. Tyson still holds me by the head, forcing me down.
My feet find the ground, and I spring upward with all my might, throwing him off me in my flight for the surface. I break through again, taking a huge breath after spitting the water out of my mouth.
I push away Tyson's next attack, yelling. I dodge his hands, push at his head, and evade his tackles. Tyson gives up and we all have a good laugh.
I see Caleb sitting on the rim, holding out a hand toward me. I take it, and he pulls me up next to him with incredible strength. Suddenly his words echo softly in my mind. We all have our secrets. Maybe he and I are more similar than we realize.
"So, has anyone else admired how incredibly muscular you are?" Caleb asks after the crowd disperses.
I splash him with an unimpressed glare. "This is why I always wear a shirt."
He laughs, and I sit there for a moment, listening in a strange daze. His laugh seems... familiar somehow? It makes my chest light and tingly. What does it mean?
He leans in, barely whispering. "I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable without a shirt on, and sorry that you have to do it alone. I'm only wearing mine to cover up the scars."
My brain short circuits, and I sit there, unable to process. I look at him with very concerned eyes. Scars from what? Did he get abused as a kid? He gets in fights?
"I never got to really thank you for helping me."
Then I remember that night he came to my apartment. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Of course. That's what friends are for, yeah?"
"Yeah." He says with a grin, then kisses me softly on the cheek.
My brain fizzles, confused and unsure what to do. His lips are really soft. Did he really just kiss me? Like as a friend or like... Wow. What does this mean? Do I feel the same way? Does he know?
That's wack.
As if sensing the tension, Rachel appears next to me. She's kneeling over in such a way that makes her chest seem very open. I can only look her in the eyes and pretend to care when she exclaims "they're starting the fireworks soon! Come on, let's get a good seat!"
She's tugging my arm, and I look back at Caleb for help.
He looks up at her, determination set in his jaw. "Actually, Rachel, Sky and I have some things to... discuss."
I look up at her. She still doesn't understand, and tugs on my arm again. I hold out a hand to stop her, looking her straight in the eye. "I'm staying."
She pouts, then sulks away to find another victim.
"She'll be back." Caleb mutters.
"That's what I'm afraid of." I sigh tiredly.
We watch the people gathering at the top of the hill. They're probably watching us, too. Did anyone else see him kiss me? Are they looking at us with disgust? Jealousy? Hate? Are they still looking at my shirtless chest? Are they wondering how someone like me could have a body like this even though I don't eat very much, and I hardly ever work out like i know I should?
No, I'm just overthinking. Why are there fireworks anyway? Why is the middle of October a good time to light up the town?
I look at Caleb, heart racing. Why did he kiss me? Did he mean it? Does he have feelings for me? Do I have feelings for him? Am I ready to face this part of me that I've been running from ever since I was 16?
No. I can't, there's no way. This fluttery feeling in my chest is just... I'm nervous! I'm nervous because I'm not wearing a shirt... it has nothing to do with the kiss, or the way Caleb complimented me with such ease. It has nothing to do with the dancing lights reflected in his eyes. It has nothing to do with this urge to kiss him back.
...Shit.
I blink, breaking the spell. I look away, and slide back into the pool. I push myself under the water, letting the silence engulf me.
I met this guy like a week ago maybe... what day is it? Uh two weeks. It's been a long two weeks and we've gotten pretty close, but not close enough to actually... do anything. There's no way I could just come out and tell him. Not after what happened last time.
But remember what we said earlier? This is college, it's different than high school. People are more... accepting.
But this is still Utah, Land of The Straights. People in general aren't accepting. I've heard horror stories of nearby colleges expelling students for holding hands with someone of the same sex, or sending students to mandatory therapy for questioning their gender identity.
I can't. There's no way. If I make a move with Caleb, who knows what kind of damage it will do. Not only would it fork up my relationship with him, but who would he tell?
I could already see it; Clarissa, Morgan, Tim, Caleb, Jonathan, Cass, Jocelyn, Hayden, McKay, Tracy, Nick, Dallin, Jessie, Haley, Rachel, Mo... My classmates, my roommates, my friends. They would all turn their backs on me. I would be alone again.
I can't do that to myself. Not again. I'm deciding right here, right now that I will not catch feelings. I'm not going to fall in love with Caleb Eldridge.
There's a boom somewhere overhead. Fireworks.
My lungs are starting to burn, so I kick off the bottom of the pool and break through the surface. I take a deep breath, lungs filling with the warm air.
"Skylar, are you okay?" It's Caleb.
I look up at him, blinking water out of my eyes. "Yeah, I'm good."
"You were under there for like a minute, I was about to jump in after you." He says, sliding into the pool as well. "That was pretty cool."
I don't really respond. I want to go home. I pull myself out of the pool, standing at the edge.
"Hey, where are you going? I just got in!"
"I don't feel so good." I say, turning away. "I think I'd better go home."
"Do you need a ride?" He asks, swimming over to me.
I look down at him. I want to say yes, I want to be in the car with him, I want to talk to him, I want to get to know him. I want things to make sense.
"It's really no trouble, we could maybe grab some ice cream on the way home to make you feel better?" He offers.
I smile, resolve wavering. "That would be nice."
-