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I'm gonna pretend I don't remember any of that.
This is the first time I ever got drunk, drunk, so I had expected something different. I expected things that movies and television taught me.
Like, for instance, that I wouldn't remember anything that happened once I was sober again. Oh, but do I remember. Every single thing, in fact. The messy sobbing out in public, Eun-ji's Jimin impression, that bartender's tight ass, the 'jellybean' that was actually an orange paper clip, and the next thirty seconds where I almost choked to death. If it hadn't been for Jimin's mate jumping in the backseat and performing the Heimlich remover, I'd be dead. Then when we got to my house and finding Namjoon already waiting for me.
For days all I'd wanted was him but in my drunken state all I cared about was how fucking cute my animals were. Something about my inebriation made them appear a thousand times more adorable than usual. I distinctly remember laying on my back in the middle of the living room and shouting, "come, all childSS, DROWN MEh IN YER LOVE!"
All of them kept running from me, I don't know why. All except for Fluffy Jr, who was more than happy to play wrestle with me on the floor while Namjoon tried to get us to stop.
I guess I should also mention that dad and dad and granny aren't here. They all charted off to the Bahamas for spring break, along with Granny's boyfriend (the guy she met at the wedding). They invited me to join but I declined, not interested in seeing my two gay dads in speedos on the beach drinking Mai Tais and my ancient grandma canoodling with her 'boy toy' as she likes to call him. The man is seventy two years old.
I remember that Namjoon was put to work for a while, chasing after me and trying to convince me that right then wasn't the best time to make tuna salad. I remember that after while he got frustrated and ended up carrying me upstairs to bed. I remember giggling in his arms like it was funniest thing ever. Then when we got my room, I remember that he tried to get me to change on my own and for some reason I was insulted by this.
"WHaaY?" I screamed dramatically. "You don't wanna shee meh neked?!?"
"Kitty," he sighed tiredly. "Just put on the pajamas-"
"YOU DON'TA LIKE MEH BOOOobs?!?" I accused, my eyes drifted shut at this point and I swayed from my sitting position on the bed, ready to pass out.
"No! Of course I like your breasts!"
I jerked my eyes open after this admittance and gasped. "You fugging perveerrrt!"
Then I remember the next few minutes where we argued over whether right then was the appropriate time to go jogging, and if jogging really was good for the body, or if all those experts, scientists, and common sense was wrong, and me, a drunk person, was right and jogging really was bad for you.
And I remember when Namjoon said, "You're right, let's go jogging! Let me change and I'll be right back."
He did come back, but in wolf form, and sat on me so I couldn't move. I didn't even care because I was too busy screaming over how cute Fluffy was. And like that, I fell asleep cuddling my big wolf.
Another thing I learned from tv and movies was that I would have a hangover. That bright lights would hurt and my head would be pounding.
Instead, I feel great! When I open my eyes it's to see Fluffy, in all his glorious, amber and black fur stretched out next to me, still fast asleep.
His nose just barely grazes the skin of my neck and the steady breathing against the sensitive skin there tickles. I take a moment to look him over, smiling slightly when one of his back legs twitches and he lets out a low whine.
No matter how many times I see him I can't seem to look enough. Like Namjoon, Fluffy is beautiful. Thick, healthy fur covers his body. I look down at his paws and fight the urge to hold one in my hand and compare the size. He's a big predator with claws and teeth to match, but when I look all I see is a good wolf. A big, squishy baby that yearns for my love and attention.
What I really want to do is cuddle him till he wakes up. Instead I slip out of bed and tiptoe down the hall to the bathroom. Namjoon and I have been dating for years, but he's still not allowed to know that I have morning breath. Whenever I sleep over at his house I always get up before him, brush my teeth and then get back in bed and pretend I woke up like that. I'm sure he knows what I'm doing, the man is far from stupid. But he never mentions it.
Fluffy Jr, who sleeps in the bathtub and nowhere else because she's weird (like her father), sees it fit to jump awake and hop around the bathroom like she's high on crack. What I don't understand about dogs is why they're always so happy when you come home or walk into a room. Like they've missed you and have so much to tell you.
It does make me feel loved, however. And it reminds me of BooBoo a lot. Lucifairy greets me too, but when BooBoo did it I felt so...I don't know...cherished. I'm probably being biased. BooBoo was and is the best cat ever. Luci is my sweet, satanic kitty, but sometimes with her I feel more like a possession than a loved one. When Fluffy greets me, occasionally I'll wonder if BooBoo sent her here for me.
Sleepily I tend to my teeth while she flies about the room, begging for pets, rolling on her back in the hopes for a belly rub, and then whining when she doesn't get the amount of attention she wants.
Like father like daughter.
It's even harder to use the toilet as she jumps to her feet and looks at me like I've lost my mind. I do wonder what she thinks I'm doing.
Once finished washing up, I've barely gotten the door open a crack before her hyper ass self barrels through it and crashes down the stairs at the speed of light, leaving destruction and scrambling cats in her wake.
...I need coffee.
I let her out into the back yard and brew two cups before heading back upstairs to wake my cute wolf. Everything is peaceful. I should have known it wouldn't last.
I'd been sure that there was no way he could have slept through all that racket, but I'm surprised when I arrive back in my room to find Namjoon still asleep.
He's not alone. There are three curious cats cautiously sniffing at him and one very shell-shocked Steve.
Eyes wide and ears laying flat on his head, my calico inches forward, his nose twitching constantly. I set the mugs down on the dresser and reach for my phone but then pause. If I took a picture of this, how the hell would I explain it later if dad or granny saw it?
Damn you Namjoon for being all magical and shit.
Closer and closer he gets to Namjoon—the love of his life apparently—until they bump noses. Fluffy's eyes open at that moment and they stare at one another for a long, still moment. This is when Steve decides that's he's had enough mystical bullshit for one day and releases the meanest hiss I've ever heard come out of him.
Next he takes a swipe at Fluffy's face and the Fluffy (the bigger predator here) yelps like a puppy and jumps backwards off the bed—sending felines scrambling into every direction. Lucifairy makes an interesting show of clawing halfway up the wall and then flipping backwards before running out the door. Voldemort gets his tail pinched by the falling wolf, and decides to attack instead of running away, resulting in more chaos. Madam Sparklepuss is perched like a queen on the dresser and simply pauses mid-grooming when this all erupts, only to go back to it when she decides this is nothing to worry about.
Weirdly, Steve stands in front of me and hisses constantly in Namjoon's direction. And -OH SHIT-Voldemort is doing everything he can to attack Fluffy.
If I'd thought chaos had already erupted, it was nothing compared to when I jumped in between these two. Voldemort is stronger than I ever remember him being and when I pick him up he performs some sort of Kung Fu moves to extricate himself from my grip. Fluffy gets halfway across the room before the cat is on him again slapping wildly, and Steve decides to 'help' by digging his claws into my back and hissing at Fluffy some more.
Why the fuck do I have so many cats???
Oh my god forget I said that.
Steve jumps to his brother's side when Fluffy growls and this makes the both of them back up a bit. Voldy goes to take another swipe again but I intercept him and end up getting the brunt of it instead. A bright red scratch stretches down my arm and Fluffy looks like he's about lose his fucking shit, and probably would have if Queen Sparklepuss hadn't stepped in.
Out of no where, she lept into the fray and bitch-slapped both Steve and Voldemort, then turned around to Fluffy as he growled as if to say, "do I need to get you too?"
Oh my GOSH she's such queen material! Excuse me while I fangirl the fuck out.
Tail twitching furiously behind her, she locks eyes with all three of them like she's daring someone to make another move. In response all three males look away in submission.
"Khaleesi!" I breathe in utter fascination. Fluffy gives me a very Namjoon-esque expression that I recognize right away. It's the one where he wonders what is wrong with me. "Moon of my life! Oh my gosh, you're so—come here baby!!"
With no hesitation she jumps into my outstretched arms and purrs happily.
I glare at Voldemort and Steve over the top of her striped head. "Now you two go and think about what you've done." They both look at me like I'm stupid until the queen in my arms turns and gives them a steely look. Both leave, but Steve sasses the entire way down the hall in short bursts of meows here and there. Of course.
Fluffy leaves too and comes back a short time later as Namjoon, fully clothed and looking like he'd just crawled out of a battle field.
"I suppose Steve hates me now," is the first thing out of his mouth. I give Madam Sparklepuss one last squeeze and send her on her way before jumping into his arms instead.
Wordlessly he hugs me back and puts his face in my neck. All these years later and this still makes everything feel better. Except now where it does have that affect, but I want more of it. I've never realized that three days is a long, long time. I want him and I miss him, even now when I've got him right here. Now I need to make up for all those lost hours where we were fighting over something stupid I can't even remember.
I'm halfway aware of it when he awkwardly shuffles us over to the bed and sits on the edge, pulling me onto his lap. This is an intimate position and not one I usually allow, but right now it's exactly what I want. He lowers his head to my neck and inhales once more before tucking my head under his chin and rocking us gently.
I'm not sure how long we sit there like that, but by the time we separate and I get up to give him his mug of coffee, it's stone cold. Oh well. Guess we'll have to cuddle some more to make up for no coffee. He agrees, if the happy sigh he lets out when I climb back into his lap is anything to go by.
"So..." he begins while playing with the ends of my hair, "tell me how I hurt you."
"You first."
This is our way of working through something. We love each other, and are dedicated to the relationship, but that's not enough to make it last. Keeping communication open is hard, but it's the only way for us. We'd already learned that talking it through while we were still angry was a double edged sword. On one hand anger made us more honest, but on the other, anger made us want to hurt each other more, and that's not what 'talking it out' is for.
Our way is to calm down, figure out what you need to say and then say it. Normally we wouldn't touch during this time because it would be a distraction. However I don't think we're going to be able to refrain from that today. First one of says what they need to say and then the other. The biggest rule is that we don't interrupt.
We're grown ups now. Who knows when that happened. It's so weird.
"Alright," he says softly and clears his throat. "I get it now that you were tired, but...every time I saw you for weeks you hardly wanted to talk. You didn't ask me about my day like you used to and on your days off you chose to stay home instead of with me. It made me feel...neglected. I missed you and it didn't seem like you missed me. And then you told me about how you had lunch with that guy and it made everything build up to a point and I lashed out at you. That was stupid, and I'm sorry...your turn."
"I didn't have lunch with him," I say right away. "He came to my table and ate there. I forgive you for getting jealous because you always control that side of you, and I love and appreciate you for it. I was tired, but I shouldn't have made you feel neglected. I'm sorry. Next time tell me if you feel that way. I don't know unless you tell me. You...hurt my feelings when you said I didn't understand because I'm not a werewolf. You're right. I don't understand because I'm not you, but I try. I want-" my words falter as the temperature in my face increases but I press on, knowing I won't be able to get the words out later if I don't do it now.
"I want to understand you more. I want to be closer to you. I want to feel what you feel and be able to see this for what it is."
He leans back to look at me, and the look in his eyes tells me that he knows what I'm saying. "Do you?"
"Yes." I put as much conviction into the word as I can, but there's still hesitation in his expression. Gently he lifts and places me on the bed before scooting away so that we aren't touching anywhere.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Say it."
This isn't something that just came to me. I've been thinking about it for a long time. I've already gone over the pros and cons and the what ifs and maybes. I knew years ago that I wasn't letting Namjoon go. That was back in high school where I couldn't get over how hot he was and I wondered every five minutes why he hadn't dumped me.
The difference now is that I'm able to understand and weigh out the future with a more matured mind-set. Namjoon wasn't dumping me because he isn't going to. Because he loves me through and through. And like I said before, love isn't enough and we both understand that and work hard for each other. That's how I know I want this. Namjoon won't just love me, he'll work for me. I'll do the same for him. It's a huge step and I'm ready for it, and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.
"I want you to mark me."
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Edited 6/8/22