43| The Gushy Gooey Emotions
TURNS out, Theo had his motorcycle on deck. Or, turns out, Nic was the one who put it on deck. Nic, the maker of plans, had apparently said it might come in handy tonight if things went well, under the assumption I didn't just flip Theo off and tell him to piss off. Which, admittedly, I would never do.
"Your brother is smart," I said, though I was suddenly shaking with fear just a bit as we stood in front of Theo's motorcycle. Nic had parked it outside of The Met. How fitting.
"Too smart, I think," Theo muttered, then spun around and handed me one of his helmets. "It's all yours. That is, if you're not too scared."
He was teasing me. What an ass.
"I'm not too scared," I lied. I mean, I was scared. My hands were shaking the slightest bit and my heart was bouncing within my chest. This time, I knew my heartbeat was going wild because of the thought of riding the motorcycle rather than the fact that I was actually with Theo and I loved him and he loved me and–
Mother of fuck, the gushy gooey emotions were taking me over.
"Okaaay," Theo drawled, sending me his usual playful smile. I wanted to shove him away and pull him closer all at once. I hadn't kissed him and he hadn't kissed me yet. What the hell were we waiting for?
Theo stepped in front of me and I reluctantly put on the helmet he'd given to me. Theo reached up to latch the helmet for me, tightening it and letting his hand linger on my cheek. He reeled away and hopped on the front of the motorcycle, holding his hand out for me. I sighed and stepped towards the demon driving machine, taking Theo's hand. I hopped on behind him, not once letting go of his hand.
"You're shaking," he told me without looking back. Then he squeezed my hand. "It's going to be fine. I won't kill you. I told you we were different from Romeo and Juliet, didn't I?"
"You're hilarious," I breathed out, wrapping my arms around his torso and letting my head fall to rest on his back. I closed my eyes tightly, unprepared. What the fuck was wrong with me? A rebellion and a motorcycle ride all in one night? I must have been going through my midlife crisis extremely early.
His hand squeezed mine again before it slipped out of my grasp. "I do have to drive, though," was his reasoning. Yeah, I guess that made sense if I didn't want to die. "I've got you, Juliet."
And then he started the two-wheeled terrifying vehicle and drove off, pulling out into the street and away from The Met. My heart leaped out of my chest and I held on tighter.
I could feel the wind brushing by us as Theo drove, the open air was a new sensation from driving in an enclosed car. It was almost like riding a bike but a hell of a lot faster. And way more terrifying. And I felt way closer to death. But my anxieties were soothed holding onto Theo and knowing that he was here and I trusted him.
"Open your eyes!" Theo yelled. The loud hum of the motorcycle got louder as he accelerated for a moment.
"They're totally open!" I lied.
Theo laughed. His laugh was loud and booming despite the sounds rushing past us. "They're totally not! You can't trick me, open your eyes!"
I pressed harder into his back. "No fucking way, okay! This is kind of terrifying and if I open my eyes, it will just make it more terrifying!"
"No, I promise!" Theo yelled. "Open your eyes to the world, Juliet. You're out here now! It's so fucking beautiful! If you open your eyes and it terrifies you, just tell me, and I'll pull over!"
I sighed into Theo's back and knew he couldn't hear it. How on earth was I supposed to sit up and actually open my eyes? What if my life flashed before my eyes or I opened them right as Theo was about to slam into a wall? Or another car? Or what if I opened my eyes and Theo was driving on a super-thin bridge or something right next to a ledge where I could fall off if I let go?
Okay, those were all pretty irrational, I had to admit.
I could open my eyes. Why couldn't I? In retrospect, what was I even afraid of? It would be just like driving and looking through the window of a car, or of the train. The only difference would be that if I put my foot down, it would hit the road rather than a solid carpeted floor.
I took a deep breath. I could open my eyes, for fuck's sake. If I could stand up to my mother, blatantly ignore her and go against everything I grew up knowing, then I could open my damn eyes on this motorcycle of death.
I lifted my head up from Theo's back, keeping my eyes closed, and rested instead on his left shoulder blade. I had to take another deep breath before I was able to slowly peel my eyes open.
At first, I thought I might have a heart attack or pass out or something. I'd never been a fan of the thought of riding a motorcycle. Going fast in the open air made me nervous and anxious and freak out. But with my eyes open, arms around Theo, head on his shoulder, I wasn't nervous or anxious or freaking out. I surely wasn't going to pass out because Theo was right (the asshole):
It was fucking beautiful.
New York City whizzed by in a blur of bright neon lights, loud music coming from bars and gatherings out on the streets, and people walking the streets. I could see the train go by as we went in the opposite direction. Theo was going the speed limit weaving through the streets and obeying the laws to a T (thank goodness, he really wasn't going to kill me). I found myself grinning and sitting up with my arms still wrapped tightly around Theo's torso, and I even laughed a little at how fucking amazing all of this was.
"Holy shit!" I exclaimed.
Theo was taken aback. "What? You want me to stop?" he yelled back in reply.
"No, no!" I protested, unconsciously tilting my head and placing my lips to the back of his exposed neck. "Definitely don't stop!"
I could pretty much feel the warmth of Theo's grin.
He drove for a while, winding down the New York City streets, before he pulled over to the side of the Brooklyn Bridge and hopped off. Taking my hands in his, he helped me stand even though he knew I could do it myself. My legs were a little wobbly, as it turns out, and he helped steady me.
"You're brave," Theo said, "but your legs are weenies."
I shoved him away while we walked up and on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. I'd never really taken the time to come to the Brooklyn Bridge before despite its closeness to home. But now I realized how fucked up that was because it was so damn gorgeous. The view of the city surrounding us in bright lights, the water below and all around, and the groups of people still up and about, walking around the city and the bridge talking and dancing and having a great time. The atmosphere was unreal.
Theo and I walked in silence, but not the awkward type of silence where the tension feels unescapable and awkward. This was the type of silence that wrapped around you like a warm blanket on a cool night. The kind of silence that didn't necessarily need to be filled right away. And though we both knew we had things to talk about, it was obvious we were both on the same page. A recap wasn't fully necessary.
So we walked quietly, so close that our arms kept pressing together and our hands were brushing. After about the fifth time our hands brushed, I took the moment to capture Theo's hand in mine, entwining our fingers together. He looked over at me with a closed mouth smile.
"Is this... okay with you?" he asked.
I rolled my eyes and looked away. I didn't really need to answer that question. "Tell me," I said, "about Thisbe and Pyramus. Why was there a wall between them?"
Catching his smile widen in my peripherals, he was utterly satisfied.
"Thisbe and Pyramus," he repeated softly as we passed an older couple walking hand in hand in the other direction on the bridge. "I take it you like the note."
I squeezed his hand. "I like everything you've ever written to me."
"Goddamn," Theo muttered happily, then cleared his throat. "Okay, so. There was a wall between them because they literally had a wall between them. It was said they were only able to talk because of a small crack in a wall between their homes. Now, I'll have you know... this one isn't exactly historical. Or, at least it's not historical fact. It's Babylonian mythology, so it's just a tale. But nonetheless, it's a historical tale.
"The two communicated through the crack in their wall and fell in love, but their parents wouldn't consent to their union. So, as all the stories go, Pyramus and Thisbe decided to meet up under a mulberry tree. Thisbe got their first," Theo explained. "But then she got freaked by a lion roar or some shit and took off, leaving her veil underneath the tree. It got torn to pieces by the lion. And, of course, because all things work out this way, Pyramus finds the torn up veil under the tree and is like, 'Oh shit, Thisbe got mauled'. So–"
"He kills himself?" I guessed.
Theo nodded. "Stabs himself," he told me. "Thisbe comes back to the tree eventually and sees that Pyramus is dead. In clear Romeo & Juliet type fashion, she kills herself, too. In Babylonian mythology, they say that from that time on, the mulberry fruit was black rather than white. The tale has actually been told by a lot of different authors over time."
"Don't say Shakespeare," I said, looking up at him as he looked at me with a sly smile.
"Shakespeare. A Midsummer Night's Dream," he said, then stopped walking and faced me completely. He was leaning up against the bridge and I could have been paying attention to the view behind him, but I wasn't. I was just looking at him. Taking in the sight of Theo on the bridge; an incandescent glow on his face from the lights of the city, messy helmet hair, unmatched dimples, wide Theo smile, and all.
"Theo," I said, "I don't want to talk about my mother or rebelling against her. I don't want to dwell on the stupid shit that happened at the party that caused us both to pull away. But we have to clear the air, so this is all I'm going to say."
Theo nodded, so I continued.
"I was upset at the party and it had nothing to do with Chloe. She means nothing to me and I know she means nothing to you and never will. It had everything to do with the fact that... I wanted you to say it then," I told him, not breaking eye contact. There was something so raw and uncut about staring into someone's eyes and never breaking away as you spoke. Something so vulnerable yet intimate. "I wanted you to say that you loved me at the party and when you couldn't... I just thought it was all in my head. That's why I walked away. I didn't want to, but I had to."
Theo's hands cupped my face. The feeling of his hands so gently on my face was like home in the weirdest way. It felt like I'd been missing this moment, missing the sensation of his hands on me like this, since before I even knew something like this could happen. But now, it felt written in the stars that here, this year, this day, this hour, this second, on top of the Brooklyn Bridge, underneath a sky with barely any stars, surrounded by bright lights of the city, Theo was supposed to touch me like this and not let go, and I was supposed to let go of my inhibitions.
"Everything I said was so fucked up, Ava. I have no doubt in my mind that I loved you that night and even days before then, but I didn't... I didn't know that I was capable of love. And how pathetic is that to say? It's not an excuse, it's just... a bullshit feeling," Theo said, a slight laugh escaping.
I smiled and leaned into his touch. "Theodore," I said, "Francesca's words in the Inferno." There was no doubt in my mind he knew the reference. He was the history buff, after all.
He chuckled. "Love, which exempts no one who's loved from loving," he muttered softly. "Are you saying–"
Before he could ask, I took the initiative myself because why did I have to wait for him to do it? I pressed my lips to Theo's in a heartbeat and I breathed him in like eucalyptus. As always, he tasted of mint. Fresh and exactly like Theo. He kept one hand on my face while the other trailed down my arm and caught hold of my wrist, his fingers pressed down. He pulled away and smirked at me. Back to being Theo:
"Your pulse is racing," he commented. "It's clearly obvious you have a crush on me."
I shoved him away. "You're stupid."
"Ridicule me all you want, it only makes me love you more," he said. "I'm throwing that word around like it's a fucking balloon, Ava. It's weightless to me. I'm saying it because I mean it and it's easy!"
"And I'm not saying it," I said, pressing my hand into his chest and standing up to hover my lips above his, then connecting them for a mere second, "because I'm punishing you."
I pulled away and Theo gawped at me.
"It's really fun to fuck with you," I admitted, then sighed and looked out towards the skyline.
"I can take you home," Theo offered, moving to stand beside me, his shoulder pressed into mine. "Or... You can always come back to the Museum of Theodore Montgomery III." He winked.
"I should go home," I told him, resting my head against his shoulder. "Doesn't mean I want to say goodbye just yet."
"God, I know," Theo said, turning to look at me. "I'm just so fun and amazing to be around. Irresistible, you might say."
"Cocky, I might say."
"You love me, you might say," he said.
I shrugged but couldn't hide my admitting smile. "I might not."
We both knew it was bullshit. Francesca's words rang true, after all.
❥❥❥
Theo and I spent an additional 30 minutes together on the Brooklyn Bridge after his many open admissions to loving me and my refusal to say it back just to mess with him. He clearly wasn't fooled.
When I got back to the apartment, I could hear my mother fighting with my dad in the kitchen and I quickly made a break for Will's room. He had some lame Netflix Original movie on and Matteo was curled into a ball (peachless now and in sweats and no shirt) on Will's loveseat in the corner of his room. Will was sitting on the bed and patted for me to join him, which I did. Then, he proceeded to tell me how pissed off mother was.
"I'm proud of you, though," Will told me.
I looked over at him, eyebrows raised. "Proud for rebelling against mother?"
Will smiled and half-shrugged. "Yeah, kind of. Proud of you for, I guess... Doing your own thing. You've always been independent, you've always had your big dreams of the business and shit, but... never quite like this. You've listened to mother so much that you joined a sorority to please her. Now, even though she threatened the business on you, you stood up to her. You went off to be with the person you love. And I'm proud of you cause it's admirable."
"Will, you're getting mushy on me," I teased, wrapping my arm around his shoulder in a side hug as he leaned into me.
"It gives me courage, and I'm not just shitting you." His eyes trailed over to the sleeping beauty: Matteo Maldonado. He was drooling a bit. "I'm not ready quite yet, but just seeing you do what you did tonight is giving me all the motivation I need to tell the parents the truth someday soon. Not just about the fact that I'm gay, but... about the business, too. And the fact that I'd rather enlist in the Navy than own the family business and be responsible for it all."
I squeezed his shoulder and said nothing else. We didn't need to say anything else, really. The fact that Will even was thinking of coming out to the parents, in more ways than one, because of what happened tonight (Juliet's rebellion was what Theo called it, and he said it would be written in the history books one day) made me feel accomplished and happy for him. And seeing the way he glanced over at the sleeping Matteo so fondly didn't make me worried for his future with Matteo, it just made me happy that he was happy. Will and I just watched more Netflix movies and heard the moment the door to our parents' bedroom slammed shut, presumably mother throwing a fit while dad got the short end of the stick and would have to sleep on the sofa.
It was just past midnight when I finally told Will that I needed to sleep rather than binge Netflix originals, and I groggily made my way into my bedroom. I shut the door behind me and had to force myself to go into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Though I was incredibly tired, I knew that I should still be hygienic. It took me just under 5 minutes before I slipped under the sheets of my bed, the warm comforter wrapping around my body like a supportive barrier.
And right when I closed my eyes, my phone started to buzz.
I groaned and ignored the buzzing, trying to allow myself to naturally slip out of consciousness and into great, blissful sleep.
My phone buzzed again. This time, I reached out to grab my phone from the bedside table, clicking the power button to reject the call. I assumed it was either Will calling to beg me to come back into his room and join him, or Skylar calling to be annoying or give me some sort of girl gossip. I didn't feel bad for ignoring the call.
But when my phone buzzed for the third time, I reached over and grabbed my phone to answer it, thinking maybe it was actually Nic calling. I don't know why I thought Nic would call, but I knew that if something was wrong with him, he might call me rather than anyone else. Because we'd opened up to each other and he basically called me his mom.
But I didn't see why Nic would call right now anyway and my sleepy brain wasn't exactly making sense. So I picked up the phone anyway without checking the caller ID, pressing the cold screen to my ear with my eyes still closed. Sleep just seemed so far away.
"Hello?" I murmured.
"Juliet."
The soft and deep voice that pressed through my phone's speakers as a murmur in my ear. The gravelly husky sound that my ears could recognize easier than anything else at this point, and it was even easier since I'd been with him just hours ago.
"Theo?"
He mumbled something unintelligible, telling me he must have been in bed as well. And if so, he was even more tired than I was at this point. It made sense considering the 30-minute drive he'd had to do to get back home.
"Theo, I have no idea what you just said."
I heard him inhale deeply, his exhale coming through my speakers and directly into my ear made it feel like he was laying right behind me. With my eyes closed, I could pretend that Theo was here with his hot and minty breath – he always had a peppermint on him, it seemed – on the back of my neck.
"Call me by my name," he whispered hoarsely.
"Theo, what's wrong with your head? Are you thinking of Matteo and Will's costumes right now?"
He shushed me. "Call my by my name," he repeated. "You started to call me Theodore. When you get mad at me or when you get jokingly annoyed with me. Or when your face is inches from mine and you speak it as nothing more than a breath escaping your lips."
I gulped and stayed quiet as Theo mumbled on, speaking clearer, though still hushed, still tired. The tired and soft voice of someone who was just a few breaths away from slipping into unconsciousness, into sleep.
"You call me Theodore and no one calls me that besides my dad and his business associates. You call me Theodore and it sounds less like a title I was given and more like a term of endearment. I used to hate my name," he said, inhaling another deep breath and exhaling it out. A false sense of awareness caused me to flip over on my other side, keeping my eyes closed as if Theo really were here.
"You made me like my name," Theo whispered softly, and I knew exactly what he meant. "You made me love the way it sounds coming from your mouth, your voice. Just call me by my name and tell me you love me, Ava. Tell me the truth."
I sighed and bit down on my lip, avoiding taking a deep breath of my own.
"Theodore," I whispered, the name falling effortlessly from my mouth like it was the easiest thing to speak. And right now, it was.
"Say it again," he said. "Say the rest."
"Theodore," I said, and I could hear him as he breathed in, waiting for me to say what he had been asking me to admit for so long.
And I wouldn't let him have it.
"I hate you."
I heard his low chuckle on the other end of the line.
"Ava," he whispered back, the soft and smooth melodious tone sending shivers down my spine as if he were so close. "I love you."
I felt my lips curl up into a smile and my heart beat faster as the static stopped and the line went dead, meaning Theo had hung up.
And so I opened my eyes into the darkness of my room, finding nothing but the pitch black around me and the empty half of my bed. I reached my arm out to brush the bedsheets beside me, wherewith my eyes closed, I'd been able to believe that Theo had actually been there at one point. As if he'd been so close.
Even though I knew he was actually 30 minutes away and out of reach.
❥❥❥
HEEEELLLL YESSSSSS
Let the cuteness REVIVE you. Let it bring you IMMENSE good vibes. Let it REJUVENATE you. Let it be your SAVING GRACE. Because bitch. We have to bring the cuteness.
I legit wrote that phone call scene MONTHS AGO and I've been impatiently waiting for this chapter y'all. I'm impatient, too, I mean I can't help it.
BUT TODAY IS FILLED WITH GOOD VIBES AND LOVE AND CUTENESS AND SHIIIIIIIT
Let me know. What you think.
I think it's only fitting to have a Harry gif in this chapter. For our mans Theo. AND we got that Zendaya gift because AVA IS A QUEEN THANKS.