Song for this chapter: Lana Del Rey - Without you
I cried myself to sleep last night, and the scary part is I don't even know why. So many emotions were flowing through my mind and I guess it was just too much for me. I've never been the strongest girl when it came to my feelings. I was sensitive, fragil. At school everybody thought that what people said about me didn't affect me, everybody thought I was "ok" but inside it killed me. But when i'm with Matthew none of that matters cause he takes my mind off of it all. He fascinates me. The feeling he gave me was so hard to explain. But it made me smile and it shouldn't cause this isn't right. Right?
After getting dressed for the day I looked at my new Iphone to check the time, it read 11:42 PM. Yes, Matthew had gotten me a phone yesterday, he said that it was for 'emergencys' and he wasn't kidding cause literally the only thing I could do on the phone was call HIM. All the other numbers were blocked.
I walked into the kitchen to find Carter making some coffee. His eyes met mine and we both greeted eachother Good Morning. At first Carter came off as the wierd perverted type but that was just him and his personality and he knew when he was crossing the line so it didn't really bother anybody.
"You want some coffee?" He offered.
"No thanks, im good" I denied the coffee. He gave me a quick nod and took the last sip of his dark coffee. I don't understand how people could drink their coffee like that. I tried it before and for me it tasted like unsweetened dark chocolate and just so bitter.
"Where is everyone?" I carelessly asked jumping up to sit on the counter.
"Matt is sleeping, he didn't come back till late and Nash brought Aaron to go visit Nashs family for the day." He explained leaning against the counter across from me. One thing I learned about this gang was that they were a family. They might sound uptight with eachother but when you catch them in the right moment you'll see how close they are. It was cute.
"Where did Matt go last night?" I asked playing with the hem of my shirt.
"Ha who knows." He smirked.
A loud groan was heard from behind me which caused me to turn my head. Matthew carelessly walked in dragging his feet arcross the wood floor wearing a black hoodie over his head, some sweats and a pair of cozy socks. Yes, it was very attractive. He ignored our presence and was getting out a coffee mug before his scratchy morning voice (which is sexy af) spoke.
"Close the courtains." He groaned dragging the last word. He turned to me which helped get a better look at him. He had bags under his eyes which were droopy.
I jumped off the counter and closed the courtains that were allowing the sun light inside the kitchen. He grabbed a pill from a cupboard, the label read 'Advil' on it so I had a feeling what he had been doing last night. He threw the pill to the back of his throat and swallowed. He jumped on the counter and waited for his coffee to finish. We were all in silence before Carter let out small chuckle.
"Fuck off" Matthew demanded in a low tone due to his probably strictly headache. Carter threw his hands up in the air with a grin. A *click* was heard from the coffee maker and Carter stood up standing up straight before going into the other room. Carter and his ways always made me smile. Since Matthew was too busy massaging his temples I jumped down from the counter and generously poured Matthews coffee into the mug before handing him his dark coffee. I was gonna let him be and go into the other room but he grabbed my waist with one hand and placed me in between his legs while resting his head on my chest.
"You ok?" I calmly whispered.
"shh just be quiet." I quietly giggled due to how cute he was being. We stood in that position for a few minutes until he lifted his head and slurpped his warm coffee looking up at me with his big, honey brown eyes.
"Wanna go watch a movie?" he asked with a smirk. With a wide smile I backed away for him to leave his mug in the kitchen sink.
"I'm just gonna go freshen up. You can go pick out a movie." He offered.
Me and Matthew were now on the couch watching movies, well we were mostly talking and joking while a blanket was covering us both.
"STOP IT!" I laughed, well practically screamed as Matthew tickled the life out of me as he hovered over me, a big smile never leaving my face.
"Say it!" He laughed pausing his actions to give me a chance to speak. I ignored him and playfully avoided eye contact with him. He chuckled which caused me to turn my head back, so I was now looking into his eyes.
"So you think your smart?" he asked with that cocky (Beautiful) smile of his. I didn't answer him instead I just waited to see what he was gonna do, which I immediantly regretted because Matt quickly stood up and pick me up bridal style as I laughed liked a walrus.
"Matt what are you doing?!" I asked watching every move he made. He opened the back door and carried me towards the ocean. The idea finally hit me, i tried squiggling out of his grip but realized I had no chance so I just tried screaming.
"MATT PLEASE!" I laughed.
"Nope. You wanna be smart with me?" He laughed. his laugh was adorable. It gave me butterflies. I guess he didn't care about getting wet cause he got in the water, I held onto his neck tighter and tighter hoping that the water wouldn't touch me.
"I handed you your coffee!" I reminded but the only response I got was a chuckle. Little by little my body got into the water. I just gave up and let go of him so we were now standing in the ocean but I still held onto him. I shook my head and swam my way back to the shore while he followed behind.
I guess Carter saw us cause he brought two towels for us. I grabbed a white soft towel out of his hand and thanked him. Matthew wrapped his towel around him and we just stared at each other, not too close but not too far away from eachother.
"Whats that?" I asked pointing to the hickey on his neck. Yeah, i knew what it was but still had the urge and need to ask. Carter tagged along to my question and looked at his neck. He didn't seem suprised, he just chuckled.
"What?" Matt asked trying to look at his neck even though it's physically impossible.
"Nice hicky." Carter told him. A storm of jealousy and anger flew through me as those 2 words left Carters mouth. I couldn't believe I hadn't saw it before. I rolled my eyes and speed walked into the house before my anger consumed me. I raced upstairs and locked my bedroom door. I was angry, sad, Jealous. Why did stupid stuff like this get to me, I hated how weak I was, especially when it came to Matthew. I shouldn't be feeling like this. Wtf?
Thats when it hit me.
I was falling for Matthew.
Great.
After taking another shower I walked back into my room and turned on the tv. About an hour later I heard two knocks on the door.
"Matthew just leave me alone." I rolled my eyes.
"It's Nash." I quickly got up and unlocked my bedroom door.
"Hi" I greeted him with a hug.
"We brought pizza!" An excited smile on his face. I love pizza but I probably wouldn't be able to enjoy it as much as I usually do thanks to Matthew and those stupid sluts he was most likely with last night.
"What's wrong?" he asked gently pushing me to the left to sit down on my bed. His smile now slowly leaving his face.
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"Scarle-"
"No. You know what? I'm not fine!"
"Talk to me."
"Matthew. Just Matthew." I huffed his stupid, beautfiul name.
"What did he do now?"
"I can't tell you." I fiddled with my fingers.
"Scarlett."
"No Nash I j-just can't tell you. Can we go eat."
I got up first and made my way downstairs in my PJs that I had put on after my warm shower. Everybody was downstairs in the living room eating their pizza. The smell of Pizza filled my nose as I turned into the kitchen. It smelled so beautiful. I made my plate and decided to just sit at the dinner table while everybody sat in the living room. I stared at Matts head and realized how much I just wanted to tear it off. His head turned and before he could catch me staring at him I turned my head to the tv where everybody was staring. I glanced over at him and he motioned for me to come sit next to me. I ignored him at first.
"Scarlett." He demanded. I took a deep breath and got up, holding my pizza close. Slowly, I sat down next to him. He tried leaning his head on my shoulder but I shrugged it off. The fact that some girl was touching him upsetted me. Why was I so angry and jealous? He's not even Mine.
"Scar what's wrong?" This boy was so clueless sometimes, well I guess I shouldn't be suprised considering he never cared about another persons feelings besides his before. I simply shrugged, but I was jealous.
"Your so clueless." I explained shaking my head annoyed at this point.
"Just tell me." I turned my head and saw a look of desperation in his eyes.
"I can't." he shook his head at of frustration and got up dragging me along with him into the hallway.
"Tell me. Please." I felt the lump in my throat grow bigger and bigger. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to tell him. I bowed my head and just hoped he'd give it up but I knew he wouldn't. He placed his forehead on mine and pleaded for me to tell him. Wow, he smelled so good. Seconds that felt like hours passed in silence.
"Scar-"
"I-I think i'm falling for you" I started, looking up at him.
."A-and I know im probably gonna regret it. I've TRIED to forget all these feelings towards you and just remeber all the bullshit and pain you've put me through but it's STILL YOU Matthew. I just want you." Tears were now rolling down my face and I was pouring my heart out but before I could finish Matthew aggressively cupped my face into his large hands and brought his soft lips onto mine, everything around me just seemed to melt. Nothing else mattered except us, except him. We roughly but gently moved our lips in sync like they were made for one another. It felt like how a smoker feels when they inhale the smoke from their cigarette. .So bad but so fucking good.