ETHAN'S POV
I watch as evie's friend takes her by the wrist and drags her away.
evie glances over her shoulder one last time, and I can see the anxiety in her expression. it's the same uneasy look I've seen her with the entire day when I've managed to look at her without her catching me. she's nervous about something.
I've stopped walking as she and her friend go out of sight, but my eyes focus back onto jack who's still heading in their direction despite her trying to get away. something tells me jack is the last thing she needs right now. my jaw sets when I realize he's going to try and talk to her anyway, and I catch up to him.
my hand grabs onto his shoulder and jerks him back to face me. "bad idea, g. leave her be," I urge him for her sake, but my reasons are somewhat selfish. I don't think I can handle seeing her with jack anymore—not after finding out she gave him head.
jack's eyes narrow onto me, as if he's sizing me up. "leave her be? I'm just gonna talk to her. chill out, man." he shakes his head and starts to turn around, and I almost let him leave, but I can't.
"gilinsky." I nearly growl. "leave her alone. let her talk to her friend, and wait for her to come to you."
he takes a hefty step closer to me, my words clearly pissing him off. "hey, back off, alright? you're getting yourself involved in shit that doesn't concern you. you really wanna play that game?"
"I'm not playing at anything. you're the one screwing with me and you know it. what do you have to go see her for?" I wait for his response, my eyes staring icily at him.
he takes a moment to process before answering. "evie and I have a lot to talk about and you have no fucking place telling me when or how to handle my business."
"really, okay." my nostrils flare while I let out a heavy breath, "the fuck are you doing, bro?" I finally question him with a tilt of my head. "all this shit you're pulling. what, you want evie now? you still got a thing for her?"
my body gets tight all over at the possibility of him answering yes. in the back of my mind, I know the answer. but I don't know if I could keep it together if he admits he's still into her. he made it crystal clear he was done with her three years ago. now he wants to mess with what I've got going on?
he just can't stand the thought of losing to me.
jack clenches his jaw and looks down, like he's thinking. seconds later, his eyes quickly snap up. "you ever think maybe she wants me?" he presses his lips together smugly. "I mean, exes get back together, happens all the time. maybe seeing me again stirred up some old feelings. she was the one that gave me a blowjob after all."
heat flashes across my chest and I lunge forward, but jack predicts my reaction and quickly pushes my chest back, like a reflex. "strike a nerve?" he taunts.
"why the fuck would you dare me to get in her pants and then screw around with her behind my back?" I fume, almost confused at what his motives even are anymore.
on the first day of school, he challenged that I couldn't work my ways on her. I know her, he had said. he challenged me to ruin her and I never turn down a challenge.
"hey, I was the drunk one. as hard as it may be for you to hear, she initiated, not me." he gives an innocent shrug of his shoulders but the smug look on his face stays. "it's pretty clear she isn't into you, and you're just in denial. I know getting rejected doesn't happen to you often, but don't be a sore loser."
I shake my head and stare at the ground, but a small grin crosses my lips when I figure it out. "no, that's not it," I raise my eyes back to his. "you know I could do it. you know I could make her fall in love with me the way she never did with you. you bet I couldn't, but you're scared. fucking admit it," my voice raises unintentionally.
now jack is the one losing his cool, his hands noticeably balling into fists. "I don't get scared. especially not by your dipshit ass," his mouth twitches angrily. "why don't you just admit you caught feelings for the girl?"
my breath catches in my throat, and I swallow thickly. my pulse starts going noticeably faster and it frustrates me.
I speak through my teeth, "I don't fucking like her."
he laughs and ignores my words. "not only did you lose her to me, but you finally caught feelings for a chick. a lot of firsts today."
"I haven't lost, don't get ahead of yourself," I grumble at his cockiness. "did you go down on her?" I question, and he hesitates, as I expected. "didn't think so."
"you don't know what we did." the corner of his mouth curves into a sly grin. "only evie and I know what we did." my jaw tightens while I look away, and he notices. "that bother you?"
"I know for a fact you didn't get to fuck her. there's no way she'd be that desperate."
jack lunges at me, his hand grabbing my shirt and balling it up into a fist. our faces are inches apart while he snarls at me, and I take pleasure in seeing him so pissed off by my own doing. "strike a nerve?" I taunt, mocking what he said to me just a few moments ago.
I suddenly hear footsteps, along with the sound of leaves crunching, and lennox's voice faintly in the distance. at least, it sounds faint because my senses are so acute to anything jack might pull.
"what the hell is going on?" she exclaims, one of her hands going on jack's arm and the other on my shoulder. "come on, break it up, meatheads." she tries to will us apart, but isn't strong enough. jack keeps his grip on me tight.
"don't test me, dolan," he finally says through a clenched jaw, and he spits a little. "you're brother might be my best friend but I don't give two shits about you." he lets go of me with a shove, and I straighten myself out.
"if you give two shits about breathing another day, then I highly suggest you keep the fuck away from evie," I warn aggressively and feel my heart beating fast in my chest, my entire body tensed all over.
lennox comes up to me and places her palm against my chest as if trying to keep me grounded. "jesus, that's what this is about?" she scoffs, looking between us both. "you looked like you were going to murder each other."
"there's always tomorrow," I murmur, my glare still set on jack.
lennox sighs. "god, take a walk, guys." her hand that was on me falls back to her side. "in different directions," she clarifies with a raised eyebrow.
"you got it, lenny." jack nods, his entire demeanor back to normal, almost like he was never raging just a minute ago. "I got somewhere to be, anyway," he smiles at her and throws a wink my way.
I watch him turn around and practically skip in the direction evie went. he can't be that fucking stupid, I think to myself. "he must have a fucking death wish," I mumble under my breath but before I can take a single step after him, lennox is there to stop me.
"hey, on second thought, you're coming with me." she steps in front of me and grabs my shoulders to spin me around. then with a light shove on my back, we start walking opposite of jack and the rest of the camp.
my mind starts replaying the events of the last 10 minutes, analyzing the conversation jack and I just had while we walk. I'm acutely aware of how flushed hot I feel, how rigid my muscles are. my head is spinning and all I seem to want is to see evie's fucking face right now. or hear her voice. just have her here in my sight, where I can see she's okay.
these thoughts scare me, though. no, they fucking terrify me. this shit doesn't happen to me.
maybe jack was right.
there's a lot of firsts going on these days.
___
EVIE'S POV
reese eventually lets go of my wrist and I keep following her. we pass the other bus sections until we're just outside of the campground. it's a somewhat open area within the forest, lit by the faint glow of the other campfires and shine from the moon.
she sits on the ground and motions for me to do the same next to her. I glance over my shoulder to check for anything, any animals or other people possibly following us. but we're alone.
I sit and hug my knees to my chest. "we're awfully far from the lodge."
"didn't want to have distractions. or other ears listening in," she explains, and I nod in understanding. it isn't until she mentions distractions that I notice the vague sound of voices coming from all the other students. "besides, you seemed eager to get as far away from ethan and jack as possible."
I rub my lips together in thought. "sure, you could say that." in actuality, I wanted to stay and talk to ethan. but staying for him meant also facing jack, a package deal, so I took the reese escape route.
we stay silent for a few moments, neither of us poking at any of the elephants in the room, and the air feels strained. like all of the unspoken words and truths lingering in the air between us is weighing me down.
my head feels crammed with everything I want to say to her. I don't even know where to start. should I be angry? should I be apologizing? a small part of me wants to cry.
"you seem different." reese is the one to break the silence.
I glance at her. "a lot of things are different now," I tell her honestly.
reese nods her head slowly, and I can tell she's also hesitating on what to say to me. "you wanna start with whatever love triangle you have going on with those two?" she gestures back to the campground.
"it isn't a love triangle."
"I heard you gave gilinsky a blowjob," she says matter-of-factly.
I stay silent. I can't exactly tell her the truth without explaining everything lana is doing to me. so I decide it'd be best to not respond.
"what, did you do more than that? some people are saying you two went all the way," she questions further. I still don't answer.
reese sighs dramatically. "still not going to tell me anything?" her voice sounds slightly impatient.
"this feels like an interrogation," I grumble. "why don't we start with you for a change? let's talk about your secrets instead of prying over mine for once."
"so you admit you have secrets," she scoffs with a disappointed shake of her head. "I knew it."
"everyone does," I counter. "including you." I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear to keep the wind from blowing it in my face. "so, you never answered me before. why do you have such a huge problem with whatever it is ethan and I may or may not be doing?"
she presses her lips together, like she was expecting the question. "if you think I'm jealous or something, you're way off," she clarifies right off the bat.
"I didn't." a small lie, but I mostly didn't think that was the case. she loves julian, I know it.
she stares into the forest, seemingly gathering her thoughts. I wait patiently until she finally speaks. "I just... I fucking hate him, alright?" she starts. "I know that wasn't a secret, but I do. I hate him because I can see what he's doing to you."
my eyes widen considerably. "what?"
"the plan is over, evie. right or wrong?" she questions.
I furrow my eyebrows, wondering what she's getting at. "right," I answer hesitantly.
"right," she repeats. "the plan has been over for a fucking long time. again, your decision, not mine," she feels the need to add. "and yet, why are you still spending so much time with him?"
"I told you I don't need to explain myself to you," I express to her for what feels like the millionth time.
"fine, then. don't explain anything to me. but answer me this," her eyes stare into mine. "have you or have you not kissed him?"
when I start to shake my head, she cuts in. "it's a yes or no question. no explanations necessary."
my heart beats just a little bit faster thinking about kissing ethan. a thought I've been revisiting far too frequently. "I haven't," I tell her truthfully.
"bullshit," she mumbles and looks into the forest again.
"I want to, though." the words slip past my lips without a second thought. her head snaps in my direction, and I can tell she believes me now.
her mouth gapes for a second. "so you really haven't kissed yet?" she says in obvious surprise. I don't meet her eyes as heat creeps across my cheeks. "but you want to," she repeats to herself, disappointment laced into her voice.
"I don't get it, either," I tell her in attempts to reassure her some.
"no, I get it," she counters. "you wanting to kiss him. it's ethan. it's what he does. I should've known you wouldn't be immune."
it's silent for a few seconds, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I feel this odd sensation of guilt, like I've somehow betrayed reese for feeling these things. I know I shouldn't and the plan is a thing of the past, but I still feel like I've failed her.
"I partly blame this on myself," she speaks suddenly. "this entire mess is as much my fault as it is yours. if not more. I can take responsibility for that."
"I don't need you to take responsibility for my feelings. they're my own fault, they have nothing to do with you."
"sure, but if it weren't for me wanting to devise a stupid plan to somehow manage to break his heart, you would've never gotten involved with him and everything would still be the same. everything would still be normal." she sighs deeply. "you wouldn't be crushing on a literal fucking manwhore."
the word irks me, despite me having used it to describe him once upon a time ago.
reese looks me dead in the eyes now, her expression like stone. "I just gotta ask, you remember who he is, don't you?" she questions with narrowed eyes. "while you're thinking about kissing him and all that, do you remember what fucked up things he's done to girls? things he could do to you?"
the thought has crossed my mind numerous times. "of course it has, reese. you think I'm that naive?" I say defensively. "but at the same time, I don't truly know him. you don't, either." I can see her already scoffing at my words. "he's done things and said things to me that make me think he's more decent than he's making himself out to seem."
reese laughs faintly, and it makes my stomach churn that she isn't taking me seriously. "he's got his hooks in you so deep, doesn't he?" she accuses with a shake of her head. "he didn't even have to kiss you to do it."
my face feels hot, both from anger and embarrassment alike. doubt starts to creep into my head nonetheless, considering the possibility that reese is right and I'm brainwashed like I always feared would happen; I'm walking into his trap and the nightmare has come true. or maybe she is wrong about him and he has some redeeming qualities after all. the sad thing is I can't figure out which it is.
"so where does jack fit into all this?" reese presses on. "you dreaming up a really fucking twisted threesome or something?"
my jaw tightens in anger. "you really have some nerve talking to me like this after all the shit you've been putting me through."
it surprises me when her expression softens, almost like she wishes she could take it back. "okay, went too far," she retreats with a solace smile. "but I just still feel like there's something you're not telling me. crushing on ethan I can see, unfortunately, but going back to gilinsky? it doesn't seem right."
"I only gave him head," I lie with a shrug of my shoulders, but it pains me to say it. I hate the thought of reese looking at me different for it, of her judging me for it like everyone else has. she knows what jack did to me when we were together.
still, I plaster on a smile for her and keep my word to lana. "what happened between jack and I is in the past. bygones. he wanted me and I guess I just really wanted to blow him off." I shrug, "it's not a big deal."
"oh, alright," she agrees plainly. "if you say it's not a big deal, then so be it."
for the first time in her life, she backs off easily. I nod but I can't bring myself to meet her eyes. my chest feels tight with anxiety, but I manage to play it off nonchalant.
inside, though, I'm screaming.
I'm screaming in the only place I can fully express myself anymore. because outside of myself, I'm forced to be what everyone else wants me to be.
reese brings her hand to my shoulder, causing me to look at her. her eyes search mine, and I see what I think is pity. "do you really think after all these years, I wouldn't know when you're crying out for help?" she questions with a sad note in her voice, and I feel relieved that she didn't actually give up that easily.
reese scoots closer to me, her hand still holding my shoulder comfortingly. "eve, enough lies. they're clearly killing you inside." her voice is gentle. "come on, you know you can confide in me."
a deep breath leaves me, and I'm torn at her words. "how do I know that?" I question. "how do I know you aren't just going to bail on me and screw me over again?"
my words catch her off guard and she sighs. "listen, I'm sorry about that. julian told me what happened after we left, about andrew yelling at you, and I've felt like shit about it ever since." her thumb rubs my arm back and forth. "I've just been too stubborn to admit that was horrible of me. but I promise you I won't let you down again."
I bite my lip and ponder what to do. I start to weigh the pros and cons of telling reese about everything. the main pro being that I finally get to tell someone, to get this off my chest, to have a friend again. the main con being that she acts impulsively and pisses lana off.
as much as I want to let go and confide in reese, confide in somebody, my fear of lana is trapping me.
"evie, you're crying," reese's voice focuses my attention again.
next thing I know, my chest starts heaving in choppy fragments. once the first tear breaks free, the rest follow in an unbroken stream. the tears filling my eyes to the brim blur my vision but I can't seem to make them stop flowing.
my body trembles as the emotions I've had bottled up for so long finally tear through me all at once. I hold myself while I cry uncontrollably, not knowing what to do with myself. it's almost overwhelming, how freeing it feels to let go and cry.
I feel reese's arms wrap around me, and her head rests on mine. "I- I can't do it," I manage to choke out between sobs. "I can't do it anymore."
my throat starts to tighten up, and it feels like I'm drowning in my own tears. I vaguely hear reese trying to soothe me, but my mind is too busy pouring out everything I've felt for the past month.
every feeling of suffocation. every feeling of desperation. every plead.
I've never cried so forcefully in my entire life.
reese's hand cradles my face, raising it to look at her while her hands wipe my cheeks. "I'm right here, alright? you're okay," she reassures me repeatedly and lets me have my moment. "you're okay."
my sobs eventually turn into silent cries, my bottom lip trembling while I take a short intake of breath. "I'm s-sorry, I don't know-" I wipe my nose. "I'll stop now."
reese hugs me again, meanwhile I pull myself together the best I can. before I can chicken out, I gather my strength to finally say it. "it's lana," I snivel. "she's been blackmailing me for a month now and I don't know how to stop it," my voice trembles.
reese pulls away from me, holding my shoulders while she stares at me. "she's been blackmailing you?" reese repeats for clarification. "how... wha... with what?" she exclaims in confusion, clearly having a lot of questions.
"she has a video," I start, wiping under my eye. "a video of all of us the night we went to the football game. a video of us all drinking. and she's threatening to give it to the school board to get us all expelled."
reese's eyebrows knit together. "wha- why? what's she got against all of us?"
"nothing against you all—I think. against me." I close my eyes and take a deep breath, my breathing still shaky. "she wants ethan."
realization crosses her face and she nods slowly. "I see," she replies.
"if I so much as look in ethan's direction the wrong way, she'll send the video. she's forcing me to lie about giving jack a blowie now too, just to turn everyone against me and make me out to be a slut." another tear rolls down my cheek. "but I have to put up with it, like I have been for weeks. I do whatever it takes to keep her happy."
reese looks at me sympathetically again. "evie... I had no idea," she almost whispers. neither of us speak for a few moments, but then I see her realize something else. "that's why you quit the plan, isn't it?"
I swallow, nodding slowly.
"holy crap, I am the worst." she sits back and rubs her eyes, disappointment evident in her face. "I am the absolute fucking worst. I gave you so much shit about it and you didn't even have a say in the matter because she twisted your arm." her eyes widen at me now. "why didn't you tell me? or julian?"
"I didn't want to get you guys involved. I wouldn't risk her blackmailing you guys, too. and besides, could you promise me neither of you would act irrationally to get that video?"
reese rolls her eyes, and I know my answer.
"well, someone needs to do it," she reasons.
"don't even think about it," I warn her. "she isn't as dumb as she seems. she's made copies. who knows how many, who knows where they are." I hear her groan, almost like she hates feeling so helpless, and then she stands abruptly. "where are you going?" I ask frantically.
"I'm gonna go get julian. he deserves to know and he'll know what to do."
I immediately spring to my feet, grabbing a hold of her arm. before I can speak, though, I hear the sound of a twig snapping nearby that makes me stop cold. paranoid about kellan scaring us before, I start looking around but it's too dark to see more than three feet beyond us.
"probably just a squirrel or something," reese reassures me.
she starts to leave again but I hold her back. "no, julian can't know, alright?" I tell her desperately. "you can't tell him."
her face scrunches in a confused manner. "what do you mean? you want me to keep something like this from him? he's our best friend."
"yes," I plead, and my emotions start getting the best of me again. "the less people that know about this, the better. you're the only person I've told and I intend to keep it that way. if julian finds out lana's blackmailing me, there's no telling what he'll do and then it'll be too late. and I- I don't know, I worry-"
"okay, okay," she interrupts my breathless rambling.
"I won't get him involved in this mess," my voice starts to break. "promise me you won't tell him, reese."
"I promise," she says coolly.
I stare at her intensely. "no, don't do that. don't just agree like an idiot and say what I want to hear. really think about what I'm asking from you. you have to promise to keep this from him. you have to mean it."
a few seconds pass while she considers it, before she says "I promise," with more emphasis now. I feel the anxiety in my chest taking a toll on me and reese notices. "hey," she gets my attention. "we'll figure something out, okay?"
we'll figure something out.
I hide my doubt at her words. I don't show her how much I don't believe her. instead, I smile like an idiot just to give her what she wants to see.
"okay."
THE NEXT DAY
I'm not sure if it was the emotional dump I endured last night or just the hike that tired me out so much, but I slept more soundly than I have in a little while.
it was a dreamless sleep, too. maybe getting my secret about lana off my chest to someone did more good for my mental state than I thought.
I examine myself in the bathroom mirror, taking note of how the circles under my eyes are just a little less intense today.
"you disappeared last night." lana appears in the mirror behind me, coming out of one of the stalls. "a shame, really. you were all anyone would talk about."
I mind my business and press my palm on the metal faucet, turning the water on and running my hands underneath it.
"wish I could say all good things but... well, you know." she goes to the sink next to me and does the same, washing her hands.
still, I stay silent.
"jack was really eager to talk to you. kinda bitchy to leave him hanging, don't you think?" she presses on, striving to get a reaction out of me. I keep rinsing my hands. "him and ethan almost got into a brawl over you," she says, and my eyes finally flick to hers.
a brawl?
"thought that would get your attention," she snickers. "yes, it's true. they were at each other's throats arguing about you. god knows why they'd waste their breath," she informs me, not bothering to hide the raging jealousy in her voice.
I move to grab a paper towel, her following suit.
"anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about," she grins. "just wanted to pique your attention." I dry my hands, listening intently. "so today's the scavenger hunt, in case you didn't know. and I don't care what you have to do to make it happen, but you're going to be partners with jack. got it?"
I bunch up the paper towel and toss it in the trash. hiding my contempt, I nod my head. "will do."
"great." she smiles, appearing somewhat satisfied, and strides out of the bathroom with a hint more pep in her step. she must be overjoyed that I'm complying with her every demand.
I follow her out of the bathroom and into the lodge, noticing the rest of bus five gathered in the center. it looks like everyone is already picking partners, upon spitler's request.
on my walk to meet up with everyone, I feel my eyes distinctly searching for ethan like the weakling I am. I also find myself curious about this 'brawl' he had against gilinsky. lana didn't specify many details, leaving a lot up to the imagination. and thoughts of him possibly defending me in any way are making me soft all over.
man, I'm delusional.
he's sitting against one of the log tables when I finally see him. arms crossed against his chest while he languidly chats with grayson. I think I must stare for too long because he seems to feel it, suddenly glancing at in my direction and catching my gaze. I see the tiniest hint of a smile cross his plush lips before I suddenly bump into something. I mean, someone.
"woah, didn't see you there," I tell them sympathetically.
"how could you without looking in front of you while you walk?" they retort. jack. just the person I was looking for, I guess.
he suddenly grabs my arm and starts dragging me towards the lodge exit doors. "hey, I can walk myself, no need to be so grabby." I yank my arm out of his grasp once we've gotten outside and follow him a few steps further. "geez, and to think I was going to ask you to be scavenger hunt partners."
he faces me with an oddly serious expression on his face. "we are going to be partners," he clarifies. "right after you explain to me what the hell lana is doing with a video that could get us all expelled."
______
I may have went overboard on this chapter, it's veryyyy long sorry about that :(
just couldn't find a good place to split it.
nonetheless i hope you enjoyed! comment and vote pls?
i love each and every one of u,
- lexi