Kuch tou hawa bhe sard the, kuch tha tera khiyal bhe
Dil ko khushi kay saath saath hota raha malal bhe
Baat woh aadhi raat ki, raat woh poure chaand ki
Chaand bhe ayn cheet ka uss pe tera jamaal bhe
Sab se nazar bachaa kay wo kuch aese dekhtaa
Aik dafa toh ruk gaye gardish mah o saal bhe
Dil toh chamak sakega kia, phir bhe terash kay dekh Len
Shesha giraan e shehr kay haath ka ye kamaal bhe
Uss ko na pa sake the jab dil ka ajeeb haal tha
Abb jou palat kay dekheye, baat the kuch muhaal bhe.
Jahan
'Jahan, I love you. I've always loved you and I'll always love you till the last of my breaths and even after that if it's possible. You'll be in my heart, in my soul, like I am in yours. I'd always find my happiness with you. And with your name I shall remain and with your love I would die.'
She whispered against my ears. Causing the hair on the back of my neck rise. She whispered like all the other times when I'd stand before her grave. My eyes trained on the gravestone, reading the name engraved on it again and again.
The wind briskly flowed against my tall standing figure and I folded my hands together. The white flowers I had brought, now splayed over the soil of her grave. The man from besides me stopped murmuring and caressed his hands over his face softly. His eyes softening as they landed on me.
" Come on, Bazid. Let's go home." I spoke.
Turning around, I waited for him to gather himself and follow after me. But he looked confused as he caught my arm before I could walk any further.
" What do you mean? Are you really serious?" He asked, his thick eyebrows drawing closer together.
" Serious about what?" I casually adjusted my sunglasses over my nose and looked at him through them.
" Jahan? Tomorrow's your wedding and today you don't wish to spend some more minutes here. I mean that's totally not something coming from you." He probed now walking besides me. We crossed the many other graves, making our way carefully to the iron gates. I didn't probe over his question but instead tightened the reigns in my heart.
" Uhm hm."
" Hm. I get its. I know tomorrow; first thing in the morning you'll be here." He said confidently, only for me to shake my head in negative.
" I won't be coming here any more." I unlocked the car and slid in behind the wheel. Bazid strapped himself besides me. His face turning to me with eyes that held emotions I couldn't decipher.
" You won't come to her grave anymore?"
He confirmed with a much quieter voice this time.
" Not until I find peace."
No words were exchanged after that as we drove home. Entering the house, a gust of celebration wafted along. Everywhere my eyes went, I saw colours and gifts and flowers. The girls were chirping with henna clad hands. Packing up gifts and what not. Afaaf grinned at me as she saw me making my way over to her.
" And where had you been?" She inquired.
" No where." I shrugged.
" Hmm. Saboohi's suitcases and things have arrived. And they have been sent to your room. Anything else you'd like?" She asked making me shake my head in negative.
" Nope. Thank you so much."
The woman hit my arm playfully. Her large brown eyes rounding with sparks as she looked at me.
" You don't thank your friends, silly." I chuckled as she walked past me and into the kitchen.
" Jahaan."
A small voice called out from behind me and I turned around seeing Mohid stand there. He smiled at me. I kneeled to his level.
" Hey little guy."
I kissed his soft hair and wound an arm around him. His chubby cheeks were red as he grinned at me.
"Lwok."
He spoke showing me the card in his hands. My eyes cut to the wedding card and I dropped the smile.
" Where did you get this from?" I asked tickling his tummy.
" Shaa Khala gawe it." He said munching on the jelly beans he was eating.
I nodded my head at him and beckoned him to go play. Straightening up, I examined the card. The invitation was given and so were the cards. However in the past week I couldn't gather the strength to see the card. To have a look at it once. To see my name being written besides another.
I sighed out, playing with the pastel blue bow it had. I peeked open the outer cover and pulled out the main card. My eyes easily swept over the formal greetings and then at the content down below. Making my heart shiver in the pit of my chest.
Jahan Ali Khan Weds Saboohi Mirza
•
Everyone was on the tip of their toes as evening enveloped us. The girls couldn't be anymore happier as they returned from Saboohi's house after dropping the gifts off. And all day, the boys had managed to keep me busy. Sometimes going to check on the venue while dragging me to match the ties and then for one last suit fitting session. That took longer than usual.
Bazid and Zaryaab had gathered everyone in the floral decorated veranda. Playing wedding songs on the speakers. Loud enough that I feared the neighbors would protest. The girls shyly descended down the stairs, dressed in embroidered clothes and makeup. Afaaf was all smiles before she disappeared leaving me to mischievous looking Faraal and Shaya.
" What?" I asked cluelessly. Allowing an innocent smile to play on my lips.
The two women exchanged glances with each other but before they could utter a word, a rough pull made me almost flung in the direction of the brutal force. I tilted my head seeing Dadi Gul Jan pull me to sit besides her on the charpoy bed. Mom sat on my other side. Smiling warming at me.
" Everyone please sit down." Bazid yelled over the speakers.
I cringed as he yelled once again making dad and Khan Dada settled on the plastic chairs they stood by. Their eyes growing large. I almost resisted the urge to burst into laughter at my dad's reaction. Flickering my eyes to the woman, I saw her graciously move as she served ice cream to everyone. Norie tagging behind her.
Ughh Norie.
" Thank you, Afaaf." I said to her softly as she handed me my bowl of kulfa crunch.
" You're most welcome." She smiled brightly before moving forward to mom.
In midst of all the crowd, I found myself getting lost. How ironic, found myself to lose only. As Bazid and Zaryaab grabbed everyones attention, stepping up on the makeshift stage, that was nothing but the Afghani rug. I found myself getting lost in everyone's smile. Their eyes lit up and they grinned and enjoyed. Only the cause being me. And I was trying my best to keep them devoid of this happiness.
" No. This isn't fair."
" We're not playing."
My eyes trailed to the scene before me. Seeing Faraal and Shaya fight with Bazid. Whilst Zaryaab and Afaaf stood by the makeshift stage as Mohid shook a leg or two on the wedding beats.
" Okay fine, you guys can dance all together. Why waste time?" Mom interjected in the bickering and they shut down.
" Fine you guys win!" Bazid huffed moving away and Faraal found the opportunity to stick her tongue out to him.
" But Jahan will also dance." Afaaf was grinning as she announced. Zaryaab like always supporting her.
" No. No!" I shook my head violently as my cousins moved for me.
" Dadi Gul Jan, No!" I made a frail attempt to hide behind her shawl but the guys pulled me up.
" Yayy." Everyone burst into laughter and cheers as I stood up.
" Okay fine." Giving in to their request, I let myself loose and danced to the beats. Copying Bazid's moves. The night started to grow and everyone danced groovy groovy on different songs. Enjoying the feeling of togetherness.
My heart enjoyed to extincts, I couldn't ponder on and as my hit the pillow, my eyes were already stuttering down when the bed room door opened with a small knock.
" Jahan?" Zaryaab called out. Carrying his son on his hip as he made his way to me in the dark.
" Mohid wants to sleep with you tonight. He's very persistent." I opened an eye looking at the duo.
" Yeah sure. Come here little guy." I extended my arms for Mohid before placing his grinning self besides me.
" Mohid sleep. Don't disturb Jaan chachu." Zaryaab settled besides me. Caressing my head like a mother would do.
I chuckled groggily in the dark.
" What? Do you want to sleep here as well?" I asked prying my eyes close again.
" Nah! I was just trying to understand my son's nature."
" Don't stress your mind. Your son loves me more than you just admit it already."
We chuckled.
" Or maybe he didn't want you to sleep alone tonight."
Zaryaab spoke quietly hitting a nerve. And I wound a protective arm around Mohid, realizing that maybe Zaryaab had given a more valid reason. The man left, closing the door behind him and letting the new doors to open for my life.
•
Unlike the last time. There was no rush.
Absolutely no shouting. Yelling. Kids crying. Everyone rushing and everything running. There was nothing. And did I miss the thrill, I did not because it brought back bad memories. Memories of her.
My fingers shivered as I fidgeted with the tie standing before my wall length mirror. Bazid was behind me as styled his hair despite them being once styled by the hair stylist who stood in the corner, glaring at the man.
" Jahan? All good?" Zaryaab walked in. His black suit fitted his body perfectly, the darkness making his forest green eyes stand out more. And his dark hair styled backwards making him look dapper as ever. I nodded grinning at him. He chuckled.
" Yeah - just my tie.." I looked down at the dark red tie unable to make the knot. He looked at my tie before stepping in front of me to do my tie.
I fisted my hands tightly. Not able to stop the shivering.
" Are you okay?" He asked reading my face and I gave a short nod before trailing my eyes to Bazid seeing him almost done with his hair as he winked at me.
" Done." Zaryaab announced as he moved away and I sat on the chair as the hair stylist sprayed on my hair on last time before brushing them backwards. Within minutes, my hair were set and the man left. Leaving Zaryaab and Bazid to look at me with grins in their faces.
The two men stepped in together, twinning in black coat suits with matching dark ties. Their tall figures and built bodies making them look like models straight out of magazines.
" All attention would be drawn to you two. What's the use of me dressing up now?" I joked making the men chuckle.
" Shut up now. Get your coat, I'll just go and get my camera."
Bazid said, swiftly moving out of the room. Silence fell over as I reached for my coat, only for Zaryaab to hold it out for me. I smiled standing before the mirror as he stepped behind me and helped me shrug my coat on. The dark black suit mixing in a classy combination with my red wine tie. My amber brown eyes looking more darker than usual.
Zaryaab straightened out the collar, adjusting the tie. His eyes flickered to my face for a minute and he spoke.
" You know, your happiness matters to us more than anything-"
I nodded.
" And we won't ever lead you on something you don't want. No matter what has occured in the past, it wasn't, any of it, wasn't your fault. And no matter what happens now, we are always here for you."
I nodded. Feeling my heart shake in my ribcage. I couldn't explain why I felt so weak today. Why I felt so vulnerable today.
" We love you Jahan."
Zaryaab held my face and then pulled me in his embrace. I welcomed him and tightened my hold around his shoulder.
" Thank you." I spoke in his shoulder.
" Okay I am back." We pulled apart chuckling as Bazid came in.
Half an hour later, getting kisses on cheeks, done with pictures, getting blessed my the elders and getting teased by Faraal and Shaya we were on the way to Saboohi's house. Zaryaab drove as I sat beside him with Afaaf and mom at the back.
Her gates appeared before us. Decorated with big white flowers and the men standing outside. Zaryaab parked the car and we got down. The men greeted us. Mirza Sahib very humbly welcomed us inside, securing an arm around my shoulder.
The house was full with unseen faces and people I knew not of. Aunt Sukhaina came to me and as I greeted she was all blessing and praising.
" Ali Sahib, I think we should proceed with the Nikkah, why wait. Our guest our already here." Mirza Sahib said to dad and I turned to see either of my cousins. Zaryaab came up to me and held my hand.
" It's okay. Jahan." Afaaf spoke softly from the other side. I sighed in deeply.
" Please this way." A man instructed, dressed in a coat suit. Leading us up the stairs. I looked around with curious eyes and the stairs led us up on the back gallery along of which were two rooms. Standing before the rooms, I could hear the giggles from one of the rooms until Aunt Sukhaina walked in one, on the right and silence prevailed.
" Please come inside" the same man said and we followed in. Sitting down on the sofa. I could see thin curtains separating the two adjoined rooms. Besides my sofa were plastic chairs and a shelf in the far corner, filled with books. The room was decorated with twinkling lights. And the double doors of the room had slim white sheet curtains on either side. Sweat rolled down the side of my forehead as the men filled in. Afaaf and mom came up to me.
" We would be in the next room, okay Jahan." Mom said. Her eyes already tearing up. Afaaf couldn't form a sentence as she smiled at me only.
Dad, Khan Dada, Bazid and Zaryaab took the seats with dad settling besides me. Mirza sahib walked in with the qazi sahib.
My heart thrummed against my ribcage and I felt bile rising in from my stomach to my oesophagus.
My ears turned numb as the qazi, dad and Mirza sahib filled in some paper work.
" Where is the bride?" The qazi asked to which Mirza sahib rolled the curtain and I averted my eyes.
" She's here. You ask and she'll answer." He spoke.
Silence filled in and the nikkah started with a small prayer and everyone held their hands up. My mind swirled as I looked at everyone.
Ronaq
Ronaq
Ronaq
No Jahan
Stop it.
She's gone.
She's gone to
Never return.
Stop it.
The murmuring went on behind me as I stared at the swishing curtains of the door.
" Do you Saboohi Mirza daughter of Mirza Tareek accept Jahan Ali Khan son of Gen. Ali Alam Khan in your Nikkah?"
The words perspired into the air like a bucket of ice water on my skin and my heart lurched to my mouth. Silence revealed itself from behind the curtains.
" Do you Saboohi Mirza daughter of Mirza Tareek accept Jahan Ali Khan son of Gen. Ali Alam Khan in your Nikkah?"
The question roamed in the air again and took shaky breaths in and out. My head throbbed with the pressure building inside of my heart. And not able to contain myself, I lurched out of my chair. Hearing protests ring from either side and without saying a word. I walked out.
The cool air blew my senses as I slung over the railing of the balcony. My cold hands gripping the iron railings as I breathed out.
I couldn't do this.
I had to tell everyone.
I couldn't do this.
I tilted my head. Seeing the woman stand a few steps away from me. Unaware of my figure. Her hands tightly gripping the railing and she probably cried. And because of her white duppatta, I couldn't make out her features.
" Saboohi." My voice broke as I uttered.
She froze and then turned to me. Her butterscotch eyes filling with tears. I averted my eyes as she stepped in to stand besides me and we looked at the trees before us. Lost in something that was miserable to involve one into.
I had to tell her.
At least she deserved to know.
Flickering my eyes to her. I could see the white dress she wore. Her thin embroidered duppatta gracefully lying over her brown hair, that were pinned in a bun. Her butterscotch eyes were prominent with liner and her cheeks were pink with blush and her nose red. Probably because of her crying. Any normal man would say she looked beautiful. Beautiful enough to be broken brutally. Her embroidery was of good and so of matching she wore round big earrings that probably hurt. And a slim rose ring.
I pulled in a breath and turned to her.
" Saboohi-"
" Please Jahan." She beat me to it. Turning to face me as her hand moved to cover mine over the railing.
" Promise me Jahan, you won't leave me. You won't leave me ever." Her voice broke as she stuttered. Throwing me in a frenzy. Tears rolled down her round cheeks.
" You won't leave me like Ronaq left you. Promise me." She begged and I found myself at loss for words.
My cold hand moved from under hers and coiled around hers and I straightened myself and walked her over to the room. My jaw ticked and I clenched my teeth. Harding up.
She looked at me for a second before going on and so I proceeded inside the room. Seeing dad and my cousins give me worried glances. The qazi sahib continued again upon my arrival.
" Do you Saboohi Mirza daughter of Mirza Tareek accept Jahan Ali Khan son of Gen. Ali Alam Khan in your Nikkah?"
" Qubool." She said from the other end.
" Do you Jahan Ali Khan son of Gen Ali Alam Khan accept Saboohi Mirza daughter of Mirza Tareek in your Nikkah?"
" Qubool."
I said loud and firm before the room burst into cheers and celebration. I sighed the papers and so did the witnesses. And we were then allowed to proceed to the main venue.
It was a fifteen minute drive to the mountain view banquet we had selected with Mirza sahib's affirmation. The boys were with me and were oddly quiet. Saboohi was to come with her family after getting dressed in her main wedding dress.
The guests were filling in when we reached and the starters were being served. In no time my family was rolling in, with Saboohi's family behind them.
I stood on the stage as Saboohi walked down the aisle with her father. Her clothes from earlier swept with a red skirt and blouse. A peachy heavy veil over her head. Her once tied hair now resting in loose curls around her shoulder. Her lipstick was brightened up matching with the red wine fabric of her skirt.
She smiled brightly extending her hand to me as I welcomed her on the stage.
My family was all praising as I sat on the stage completely forgetting that I had Saboohi still standing besides me. Afaaf stepped in to help the bride sit and I nervously looked at Bazid seeing him shake his head at me.
Time rolled in like a tornado as the guests came up to congratulate and greet us. And soon lunch was served. The boys pulled me to have lunch with them and very gratefully I tagged away from Saboohi.
" MashAllah you make such a beautiful couple." An aunty said as I returned back on the stage.
" Thank you." Saboohi replied sweetly as her eyes flickered to me.
" Done running away from me?" She whispered leaning towards me and smiled at Mohid as he waved at us. The bride waving back at him making the boy shy away.
" I-i wasn't running away from you." I hooked a finger in my collar attempting to loosen it.
" Hmm." She replied getting distracted as Dadi Gul Jan spoke to her.
The evening passed in all smiles amd photographs and my feet hurt as I ascended up the stairs after the long and eventful day. Faraal and Afaaf stood on the top of the stairs.
" We've safely taken your wife to your room, now our money?" Faraal said making me chuckle.
" Shut up. Your fiancee ate half of my brain. Go control him before he eats Zaryaab's." Afaaf gasped as she walked past me and down the stairs.
" We'll see about the money later." Faraal scoffed as she too followed Afaaf.
You are married Jahan.
My nervous eyes looked towards the bedroom door already smelling the scented candles and rose petals. My mind pinched as I twisted the door knob. My eyes liting up with surprise.
" Oh hey." Saboohi said.
Dumping the last piece of her jewellery on the vanity table. Her heavy duppatta lying on her shoulders.
" The jewellery, it was biting against my skin so-"
My eyes trailed to her killer heels lying carelessly on the floor. One near the bed and the other near the door.
" It's okay." I vocalized.
She realized and soon hurried to pick her heels up.
" I am sorry. I am a little messy."
My suit jacket that was slung over my shoulder, was also pulled away by her.
" Here, I'll take care of it." She took the hanger before hanging the jacket. I passed her a small smile and walked in to the bathroom quietly. Taking a quick shower, I changed into my night clothes and walked out. Seeing the woman keeping my shoes aside.
My head throbbed with dull pain as I rubbed my forehead.
Promise me, you won't leave me like Ronaq left you. Promise me.
I shook my head and walked upto her.
" Saboohi." She hummed as I held her arms. Her eyes looked up to me. And a light blush smeared against her cheeks as she flickered her long lashes.
I ran my eyes over her features. She was beautiful.
" Your wedding gift." I handed her the small Velvet box. Her eyes averted to the box and she smiled.
" Thank you."
I gave her a small smile and leaned down to kiss her forehead softly. Catching her and myself off guard. Moving away from her. I hit the bed, pulled on the covers and closed my eyes.
Feeling as if this was my last night to breath.