TRIGGER WARNINGS! This one has some trigger warnings! The details are at the bottom of the page for anyone who wants to check them.If I put them here they'll contain spoilers for everyone.
That night after the dinner shift they sat in front of the fire in Harry's Room. Hermione read one of Harry's books to catch up to where he is on their study schedule, and Harry opened up his mum's diary.
*
By the looks of it, the summer after his mother's fifth year had been intense. She had filled two whole notebooks with journal entries just from the summer alone. First of all, a distant relative had died earlier in the year, leaving Lily and her sister with a sizeable inheritance. This considerably eased the financial strain she'd lived with her whole life. Even though both her parents worked full time, they still struggled to make enough to make ends meet in Cokesworth. The inheritance meant that Lily could pay her own way, easing the burden on her parents. She put it to good use on her education and supporting herself at once.
The other thing that had his mother up in harms that summer was the Ministry. She had found out, purely by coincidence, that the Ministry offered more OWLs than at Hogwarts. There had been a tiny article in the profit mentioning that the first muggleborn to ever be issued a time turner had had a breakdown and flunked all her exams.
Lily had been furious back in her third-year to learn that she was denied the chance to study extra classes as it would require a time turner. And the Ministry didn't give time-turners out to muggleborns. It added insult to injury, when she then learnt that the Ministry offered extra subjects, not on the Hogwarts curriculum and she'd never been told.
She'd gone into the Ministry several times that summer to demand long distance enrolment in some of the courses. They were reluctant to let a muggleborn enrol as surly she should not do as well as her pureblood peers. On her 3rd attempt, she managed to get a witch, that she then managed to persuade to sign her up.
"You know you'll never get all these subjects done by the time you graduate," the witch had said, "and really, you're wasting your time! muggleborns just don't understand enough to make it that far."
Lily had devoted quite a few pages to her rant about how rude the women had been. And how long it took her to persuade her that, no she wasn't stupid, she had 11 owls thank you very much! And yes, she could do it before she graduated because they had a policy of using time turners!
The women had apparently coughed and spluttered, but Harry's mother had managed to persuade the women that she was 'desperate to fit in, and be like all the pureblood and integrate herself properly. She'd spun a pretty tale that appealed to the witche's pureblood ideas.
His mother had not managed the time turner, however. Still, she did manage to sign up for several extra classes including, Etiquette and Culture, Religion, Ancient Studies, Spell Creation and Enchanting. She'd also signed up for the language OWL. With language potions, it was a relatively easy OWL. She'd wanted to sign up for Art and Alchemy as well but knew that without a time turner, five extra subjects would be a tough let alone two on top of that just for fun.
Then she just had to manage them all and get her NEWTs.
The rest of her summer had been filled with a haze of studying and more time turner applications, that were unsuccessful. Lily spent a lot of time ignoring Potter's persistent owls and trying not to dwell on the conflict with Sev. That too took up a good deal of space in her diary entries.
Normally she and Sev spent most of the summer in the park between their houses, in Lily's kitchen brewing or studying, or inventing spells and potions. But this summer it was long hours studying, avoiding the issue, avoiding the hurt, and avoiding Petunia who had gotten colder and crueler towards her sister.
But it was not only Lily's emotional conflict with Sev that she wrote about. It was in this summer that she truly had started researching and learning about the Darke. Now she had some money she could afford to go and get some books! She took a long trip to Diagon Alley and ended up in Nocturne in a book shop catering to the Darke. She'd intended to go for language potions but ended up with several books on the Darke, Gods and Goddesses and Darke ritual magic.
Lily had spent several days in Nocturne that summer learning about the Darke, and choosing her Goddess Hekate. It was Hekate she felt the most drawn to, and it was Hekate she turned to for guidance that summer when she had no-one else. Meditating on Hekate's crossroads proved to be a helpful way of seeking out her Goddesses guidance over what to do about Sev, and just about everything else she was struggling with. It was hard to ask her parents when they had nothing to do with the magical world she was part of.
Lily dedicated herself to her goddess before the summer ended in her parent's backyard under the black moon. She'd chanted to her goddess and offered up her self in commitment for her goddesses guidance and protection and had closed the ritual feeling a little less alone in the world.
*
When Lily returned to school, things did not seem to get any better. While she had not given up on applying (and reapplying) for a time-turner, the prejudice of the Ministry continued to turn down her application, especially with no pureblood to advocate for her. The Ministry was just too prejudiced in those dark times.
Sev had stayed away all summer and continued to stay away in school, occasionally throwing her furious glares. Lily had so much to do though, that she didn't have time to give it much thought. She was taking way more extra subjects than she really could handle and was slowly being run into the ground under it all.
But she could not stand the idea of proving those stuck up purebloods at the Ministry right! If only they'd let her have a time turner as they did with the purebloods!
Things came to a head just before Halloween. Sev had been cold and angry all term. They got into a row. They ended up screaming at each other again. Sev yelled at her for abandoning him, and she yelled that he stayed away that summer, so it was his own fault!
It turned out that he had tried several times that summer to work things out with her but Petunia, unbeknownst to Lily, had been turning Sev away and burnt his notes.
They talked it out at length.
It took a while, and they were both prickly and mad, but they talked over the death eaters and Slytherin house and why he had called her a Mudblood.
It turned out that it had not been an accident, but he hadn't wanted to do it. He didn't think her less than anyone else, or that muggles were trash (though his father definitely was). But, if he hadn't done something to end their friendship, the Slytherins would have done something drastic.
"You should have told me you tosser," she'd snapped at him.
"Yeah. Sorry. I thought you hated politics." He'd replied.
"No. I hate that you have to put up with what you do in that house and that I'm not there to have your back." She corrected him snappishly.
They worked things out and were back to being a team again by Christmas. They dosed the Marauders with nightmare potion for months in retaliation for assaulting Sev. And they got away with it too. They kept up the pretence of being enemies so that both their houses stopped bothering them.
They giggled at their own intelligence afterwards, at having everyone fooled. For the first time since they got to school, Sev didn't have to fend off hex's in the common room over fraternising with the Gryffindor mudblood.
But to add insult to injury, Lily was barely managing her workload. She wouldn't be ready to take extra OWLs that summer if she didn't manage to get hold of a time turning and the Marauders were amping up their attacks on Sev.
Before, they'd just been mean and humiliating in their dealings with him, and had done minor harm. Now however, their pranks had started to get dangerous. It was beginning to seriously frighten both of them.
Things had come to a head in the new year.
"Don't you get it Snivillus,?!" Potter had snapped, catching sight of Sev out by the edge of the forest.
It was early morning, and they'd been out collecting ingredients. Lily had been there too but a bit further in. It was normally safe for them to be out together that early in the morning. There was usually no one else out to see them.
Her friend had been tired and withdrawn for days, but wouldn't breathe a word about what had happened. But Lily had known something was wrong. Something had frightened him, badly. And there was little that frightened Sev these days.
"We don't want you here you no good waste of space!" Potter had continued.
"You're really stupid aren't you Snivillus?" Black had joined in, "Thinking you're so smart, setting yourself up to be rescued and get Remus killed! You're lucky Prongs saved your rotten hide."
"I didn't know you were trying to murder me when you let slip how to get into the Shack." Sev spat, "It was on purpose, wasn't it? You were trying to use your best mate as a murder weapon; on me! You're just as crazy as your family, Black!"
"What are you doing!" Lily shrieked when she came running over and saw Black, Potter and Pettigrew pressing Sev up against a tree, his wand on the grass, and Black had a knife to Sev's throat, which was starting to bleed. She shouted a disarming charm that had sent the weapons flying into her hands, and away from Sev's neck.
"Nothing that concerns you, Evans," Black sneered, "We're just teaching dirty Snivillus a lesson. Now go away."
"You tried to get Mooney Killed!" Shrieked Pettigrew trying and failing to punch Sev in the jaw, "you deserved what you got!"
"I thought you were brewing Firewhisky or something back there!" Sev yelled back. "That needs moon cycles! And everyone knows Lupin's father is dodgy as fuck and is a dirt poor drunk!" He spat, "it was you lot that tried it on me!"
Lily suddenly working out what Sev hadn't quite said, "You did what?! How dare you!"
She rounded on Black faster than any of them could blink and fired off a hex that left Black howling on the ground clutching himself.
"Bloody hell Evens! What did you do?" Potter yelled, rushing to Black's side.
Sev had quickly shoved off Pettigrew and jumped at Lily holding her back from hexing them more.
"You fool," he spat, "they'll just get you in detention, or start targeting you! Let's go!"
But Lily wasn't listening.
"You fucking murderers! Where is your Gryffindor sense of nobility," Lily had spat, "you foul evil little snot balls! What did he ever do to you to deserve all this!? To deserve a grisly death by a raging werewolf!! That is your friend!"
"Well, he exists!" Potter said, almost jokingly.
Sev let her go at that point, and she rounded on Potter punching him in the nose.
"Ow!" he cried, holding his broken nose, "you hit hard, Evans!"
He flicked his wand at his face, mending the break with a nasty crunch and clearing the blood. Then he had smirked and said to her, "it was only a joke. How about you go out with me instead!"
Lily glared at them.
"He's a fine catch," Pettigrew said, moving to check on Black and casting a spell on him. Presumably a diagnostic charm.
"I wouldn't date you if you were the last boy on earth! Not someone who has a head as over-inflated as yours, who picks on people for sport and enjoys routinely assaulting my best friend!" She snapped and narrowed her eyes when Black sat up and elbowed Potter's leg as if trying to tell him something.
"Piss of Potter," Sev snapped, feeling braver now that he didn't have three weapons against his throat, "take your cronies and get out of here. Leave us alone"
"No one asked you Snivillus," Pettigrew sneered.
Potter ignored them both and said, "Go on Evans, go out with me."
"Leave us alone," Lily spat turning and stalking back to the castle. She had homework to finish before class, and couldn't afford to waist any more time on them. She was stretched thin as it was.
Sev didn't follow but after a short moment ran to catch up with her.
"You shouldn't have done that," Sev said, "though I'm glad you did though. They deserved it. What did you do to him?"
"Castrated him."
"What?!"
"Well, not yet. It'll stop hurting in a tick, and when it does his balls will shrivel up and drop off." She said, sounding far too pleased with herself, "I invented the spell after he stripped you naked, in front of everyone. I'm sick of the lot of them, getting away with so much shit."
*
Harry stared at the writing on the page. His mother had castrated his godfather! She had actually hexed his balls off. Just the idea made him feel a bit ill.
From her diaries he knew that she had nearly always gotten some sort of retaliation before. She believed in payback. But she didn't seem to believe in harming others, or bullying, as far as he had been able to tell.
She'd never really hurt anyone, until then. Sure she'd gotten angry before, and had gotten payback. But she'd never really hurt anyone seriously in her revenge. Up until that point she'd been civilised but not cruel.
It was his mother that normally held Sev back from being nasty in their payback. She'd insisted on not being as bad as them. She'd used pranks and things to make the Marauder's life harder, to embarrass them. She often turned their own things back on them.
But it had never been harmful or permanent. That was one of the things Harry had like so much about her. She never let injustice lie, but she'd always been fair about it. She'd always seemed so good. So perfect...
This had been different.
This was more vicious.
Apparently, she did believe in hurting someone if she had to, to get them to leave her alone... or someone she cared about.
Harry didn't blame her, but he couldn't help feeling a little let down that she wasn't as perfectly virtuous as he had thought.
Not that he had room to talk, he'd stabbed a man in the leg in Nocturne who'd tried to mug him. Maybe that was where he got it from...
He kept reading.
*
"That's..." Sev had sounded pleased and horrified, she had noted somewhat pleased.
"I know," she had agreed, "I don't normally condone harming others, but he needs a taste of his own medicine. The kid gloves are off. I'm too tired to care about being nice. Let them have exactly what they dish out. It was worth it.
And it's not like the teachers or the headmaster are going to do anything to stop them. They haven't before. If they're going to try and kill you, I'm going to make them sorry. I'm tired of them getting away with everything and hurting people whenever they feel like it, just for shits and giggles."
"They've been getting worse," Sev admitted quietly, "it's getting harder to hide from them.
"Exactly," Lily said, "besides they have a map now. That's how they find us. I haven't managed to steal it off them yet, but they were bragging about it."
"I'll dob the thing into Filch," Sev said darkly.
She nodded. She didn't regret her choice. Not when they had been escalating all year. And she wasn't so sure that they'd make it out unscathed next time. Not if Black had started really trying to hurt or maybe kill Sev. Something about the way they'd been acting that year had really started to scare her.
"Anyway, what did you do to them after I walked off? I know you did something" She asked, piercing her friend with a knowing look.
He smirked, "Dumbledore put a Geas on me so I can't talk about the werewolf incident to anyone who didn't already know, so I couldn't seek out justice. I just did the same thing to them. They now can't blab about what you did."
Lily smirked viciously, and hugged her friend, "thanks for having my back."
"Always." He said, "it was worth it, to see Black on the ground for once."
Like usual, their Heads of House, and Dumbledore, had been useless in helping the two of them. Lily had complained at length in her journal about the injustice of it.
It was apparently just schoolyard scuffles; nothing serious. They were on their own. Again. 'Useless pricks!' she had thought, fuming at the injustice of Sev's situation.
They never did anything to help him. She had been reminded vividly of how he'd looked at the end of fourth year when he had again begged Slughorn and Dumbledore to let him stay at Hogwarts over the summer. And they had turned him away.
Unfortunately, castrating Black, it didn't help. It seemed that within a few days, he had gotten his balls re-grown by someone and acted as if it never happened. She had been hoping he would have had some hesitation on messing with them after that.
But it was not to be.
The marauders had just kept going. They enjoyed it too much! Just that week she'd seen them send a trip jinks at Sev from the top of the stairs. If she hadn't grabbed him by the robes, he could have been seriously hurt. As it was, they both went tumbling a few stairs, until she managed to grab a banister to stop their fall. They'd still needed a lot of salve for bruises and pulled muscles. But they had a well-stocked first aid kit by that point and at least it hadn't killed them. Yet.
Black had been particularly bad that term. Something must have happened with his crazy family over the break, Lily had mused darkly. He had always taken it out on Sev when that happened.
Lily and Sev had been cornered next in the courtyard one lunch break after easter break. Lily had been feverishly trying to finish her potions homework before class. She had too much to do to be pay Potter and his gang any attention, and Sev was being lookout. But they didn't have wands out this time. Which actually just made her more wary.
"I'll get you a time turner," Potter said suddenly stalking up to them, miraculously ignoring Sev's drawn wand and not picking a fight.
"I know you've been applying for one." He had continued, "Go out with me, and I'll get you one."
And for a moment, she had actually considered it. She'd repeatedly been applying for one, and consistently turned down. Without one, her workload was impossible. She had been working on 3-4 hours of sleep a night, at most to try to stay on top of it all. She was absolutely exhausted. It just wasn't working, and she was getting desperate.
And it showed in that fleeting moment of considering putting up with him for a time turner.
Sev elbowed her, hissing, "Lily!"
But the damage was done, and Potter had seen that moment of weakness and jumped on it like a snake.
"I know you're doing a million subjects, and keep applying for one. My family has connections; I'll get one for you. If you go on a date in Hogsmeade with me."
"Fuck off," she had snapped, "what will it take for you to get it through your thick skull that I don't want anything to do with you! Leave us alone!"
"I'll even leave Snivellus alone," Potter had said dangling the metaphorical carrot in front of her.
"Fuck off Potter!" Sev had spat, and Lily hissed, "stop that hideous name already! Get lost!"
"Who asked you Snivellus," Black spat condescendingly.
Before either of them could draw wands, Potter had said, "All of us will — not a single hex in anything but self-defence. We'll leave Sniv- Snape, alone. Go on a date with me Evans, and I'll get you that time turner for your classes and prove I can be nice, that you're better off with me," he added cajolingly.
"Fine."
"Lily, no," Sev hissed.
"Lily, yes," she snapped, "it's one date. I can't keep doing this. It's not just for you. It's for me too."
"I can manage," he spat, "don't be such a dunderhead!"
"I know!" she snapped back, "that's what fucking we do! But one afternoon is a small sacrifice for more fucking time," she murmured heatedly, "and if I can bargain our safety too, then I'll take it! I'm not a fool. Your Slytherin cunning has rubbed off too much for me not to take this opportunity. Please Sev? He had a knife to your throat, nearly sent you toppling down the stairs, has set you up with a werewolf to die. Please Sev. I'm tired of this. They're never going to stop otherwise."
"Its a good deal, Evans" Lupin had added in, "you should make the most of it. Prongs is a good guy if you give him a chance.
They had glared at the Marauders, and after arguing a bit more, Sev had conceded unhappily.
"I'll go on that date with you if you get me a time-turner by the end of the week," Lily had eventually agreed coldly, "and you and your gang of thugs leave Sev and me alone. No teasing, no hexing, no assault,-"
"We never-"
"Shut up!" she spat, at Black, "it was assault and attempted murder. Multiple attempted murders! No more." She continued, "no pranking him, no getting anyone else to do it, no more hurting him or me. No more attempts on his life, you fucking arseholes. No more asking me out after this or harassing us. You and your little gang pretend we don't exist." She snapped.
Pettigrew whistled, then snickered, "oh boy, Prongs, your Evans has quite the mouth on her."
His friends had snickered some more, and before Lily could hex him, Sev snapped, "Shut up!" and fired off a stinging hex at Pettigrew. Pettigrew howled, and Black and Lupin all drew their wands on him.
"A kiss then too," Potter said, ignoring them and staring at her.
"Fuck off," she spat, "call off your thugs. I'm not kissing you. I'll catch something nasty."
"You want to prove yourself worthy of me, that I should date you? Stop being a fucking prat. Grow up Potter, and stop bullying people. Stop being such an abusing moron!" She had continued.
"Fine," he snapped, "but you'll let me court you properly then. A courting contract and everything. Give me the rest of this term, we'll leave you bother alone, we'll be civil and I'll get you the time turner. Give me a chance. Then if you still don't like me, I'll... I'll leave you alone! For good."
"Fine!" She snapped, "but then you leave me alone permanently! This term, no more!"
"And no castrating Padfoot," Potter said
"Fuck you!" She spat, "he tried to kill my brother! Repeatedly! He deserved to be permanently fixed, like the dog he is!"
"Give it a rest already Evans!" Potter snapped, "It was a joke. Give me this year and the rest of next." He said instead.
"This term! No more!" she said, scowling but shook her head at Sev when he tried to cut in, "No more than an hour each hogshead weekend. Just that hour, just on those weekends. No kissing, no touching!" she haggled, "you leave us alone, and are model citizens. And the time turner is here for me by Friday. Then next year you pretend we don't exist."
"You never know Evans," Lupin said, "you might change your mind."
"Prongs is a real find!" Black snickered.
They eventually settled, and shook hands on it. A contract of the agreement would be drawn up to be signed on Friday when the time turner was handed over.
But it was a hollow victory, and despite being able to see why she had done it, Sev was furious with Lily for giving in. She didn't care. She just wanted time to sleep.
The contract was drawn up, by Potter and Black. It seemed too good to be true, but Lily and Sev read all the fine print and manage to decipher enough of the flowery formal language to work out that, it was a standard courting contract lasting until the end of the term, as had been agreed. No tricks. No traps. No clauses added in.
They had examined the contract for every loopholes and trick they could think of before Lily had signed it, along with her magical guardian's signature. Her Head of House had seemed to think it was brilliant that she was finally putting Potter out of his misery.
So Lily had a time turner by the end of the week, and their workload suddenly became manageable.
She had gone to Hogsmeade with Potter, biting her teeth. Surprisingly it was not as horrible as she though. He was surprisingly intelligent when he was putting effort into not just being a bully. She still hated him though.
The rest of the year passed as smoothly as it ever did, with a war building outside the castle walls and the Slytherins being groomed to be recruited.
Sev stayed with Lily that summer. His mother had long since died, and his father had finally done a runner. So Sev and Lily went home to Cokesworth together.
She had expected her parents to pick her up from the train station, but after two hours of waiting they caught the bus home. Only to find a SOLD sign on their house. The neighbours had had to tell her that her parents were dead, and her sister had left to some university.
With only her parents and Petunia knowing where she went to school, it would have fallen to Petunia, the only one knowing about Hogwarts, to inform Lily after the tragedy had happened. It seemed her sister, had not seen fit to pass on the message. Lily had not thought Petunia could ever hate her that much!
Lily had never been so devastated and heartbroken in her life.
It was awful.
Overcome with grief, Lily got herself a place in Nocturne Alley with Sev. Their summer was filled with working in Nocturne and immersing themselves in the Darke. Lily took her extra OWLs and her Language NEWTs and planned for the future.
She hadn't know what she wanted to do after school yet but preferred to focus on that, than the loss of her parents and betrayal of her sister. Pages and pages of tear-stained paper had been filled and it made Harry's heart hurt just reading it!
Lily was thinking of making things like the trunk she had been working on. She was trying to put an apartment in it this time, so she'd always have a home. She thought she'd like to keep creating and inventing things. She had been thinking too of starting with a charms mastery, or maybe something in spell creation. Or perhaps a runes and arithmancy mastery. She hadn't been able to make up her mind yet. Or maybe she would study potions like Sev, if she could manage to find a master that would take her. Unfortunately, Professor Slughorn, while he taught potions, he was not a master, so she could not study under him after her NEWTs
*
Lily was appointed Head Girl when she had returned to school after the summer. It was her last year and she was pleased to be Head Girl, but sad all over again that her parents were not there to congratulate her.
Unfortunately some moron had made Potter, Head Boy. It was like the world was conspiring against her. It was infuriating as now that she had finally gotten him to leave her alone, they had jobs to do together at school!
But it was not quite as horrible as she thought it would be. Despite herself, she found he was intelligent and she hated to admit it, rather attractive, even if he was a dick. She still didn't like him, but he'd stopped being a prat and bullying people, and she was starting to grudgingly, not like him, but not loathe him with quite such a passion as she had done before.
But if she had to spend time with him now, at least, it wasn't as gods awful as she had feared. Maybe he had grown up. She still didn't like him though. And she would never forgive him for what he'd done to Sev.
*
Harry frowned. That couldn't be right, his father had kept pranking people. Not as much but there was still plenty of incidences during their last year where they had picked on other kids. They'd recorded it all in their grimoire. Maybe they'd just hidden it from his mum...? But then how did he get around the contract?
Harry slipped into a troubled sleep on his expanded bed in the inn, his head on Hermione's shoulder, who had fallen asleep in her book.
TRIGGER WARNINGS! Violence, abuse and bullying - the MaraudersLily gets paybackCastrationpoor choices made when being overtired and overworkedAdults being useless negligent assholes