"Daddy," Y/n's small hand wraps tightly to her father's pointer finger as they walkthrough the hospital halls. Today, rather than the usual light blue gown, the nurses helped her get dressed in a light pink fluffy dress. Once her father arrived, he brought her a new pair of shoes and put a flower clip in her hair. "Where are we going?"
Her father's large head smiles down at her from several feet up. "It's a surprise!" His grin is wide and goofy. When Y/n stares at him blankly, he sticks his tongue out and makes a funny face. He earns a small giggle. All the way out of the hospital, he ignores the snickering of strangers and continues getting laughter out of his little girl. Along the way, Y/n asks to be picked up and starts making the faces on her own. She pulls his cheeks in just about every direction by the time they made it to their destination: the park.
Y/n's giggling ceases as she lays her eyes on the large grass field and the playground situated off to the side. "What do you think?" Her father asks as he sets her down on the ground. She stands on her own, but she's tentative of leaving his side. She clutches his pant leg tightly. "Better than your room at the hospital right?"
Kids of all different sizes dash about in front of Y/n. They jump, fall, kick and run all with the same smile on their face. She tugs on her father's pant leg and he squats down accordingly. Lifting her free hand, she points at a group of girls that are gathered with in a circle on the playground. "Can I do that too?"
Her father smiles. He gives her shoulders a small shake. "Of course you can, Y/n!" Her grip on his pant-leg loosens slightly and he takes the moment to take a small step back. She doesn't move to run back to him. "Why don't you go introduce yourself and ask to play with them?"
Y/n's eyes catch the light and sparkle for just a second as she turns her head back to look at her father. "Ok!" Without another moment of hesitation, she walks over to where the group of girls are.
"Hello," Y/n forces herself to speak up as she hangs just outside of the three girls' huddle. Each girl has a foot in the center and one of them is going around and tapping them as they sing some chant. Y/n realizes they couldn't hear her and tries again, this time a little louder. "Hello! Can I play with you guys?"
This time, the three girls pause and turn to face Y/n. "Sure," the one closest to her speaks up. She looks to be older than Y/n, around the age of four or five. The other two are nearly identical and are around Y/n's age of three. "What's your name?"
The four girls quickly get the introductions out of the way and get back to the game that they were playing. "Y/n, since you're new to our group, why don't you try being 'it'?"
"That's the one that chases right?" Y/n tries her best to recall from the books that her father always gave her to read.
"Y/n's it! Y/n's it!" The twins run off in opposite directions, leaving the older girl to clarify. "Yes. So just run after us and try to tag someone okay?"
The moment Y/n nods her head, the last girl takes off too. Her arm shakes at her side, but she forces herself to try playing the game. Once she gives up and goes back to her dad, there's no telling when she'll be able to come back to the park again.
Taking a deep breath, Y/n forces her body into a quick jog to the nearest girl. One of the twins is distracted by a small white butterfly. It flutters just out of her grasp, elegant and teasing just like a small moon. It's her chance. Y/n tries her best to close the distance between them. However with each step, her chest feels as if it's shrinking and she has to take deeper and deeper breaths. Just a little further, Y/n convinces herself. Just a few more steps. Her heart hammers in her chest and she can feel her pulse in her fingertips. Through the shade soaking her vision, she can clearly see the freckles on the other girl's face.
With one last burst of energy, Y/n forces her body towards the other girl with her arm extended. "Oh." Taking her eyes off the butterfly, the girl steps out of Y/n's reach and giggles as Y/n falls into the grass. "Y/n that was funny! But you have to be a lot faster than that to catch me!"
Y/n pants heavily. Her hands fly from her head to her throat to her chest as she frantically searches for the source of her pain. Her vision has darkened and her hearing is filled by the sound of her pulsating organ thundering in her chest. She doesn't notice when the butterfly girl she was chasing runs away or when the other three girls arrive at her side. She does, however, manage to hear their conversation as her pulse finally begins to slow to normal and her breathing steadies.
"What do you think she's doing," one of the twins ask the older girl. There is a long pause. Their gazes swarm her skin like ants congregating over spilt ice cream.
"I think," the eldest speaks up as she steps back. "I think she's sick." Her voice wavers. "Isn't it kind of freaky? She ruined all of her clothes with dirt too."
The butterfly girl is the last to speak. "If she's sick... do you think we could catch it too?" It's not a moment later that the girls scream and sprint away, leaving Y/n alone in the dirt.
When Y/n's body manages to finally calm down, she wipes off her face and dress and takes a look around the park. The girls are back where she had first met them as if her encounter with them hadn't even occurred in the first place. Once she's able to stand up on her feet, she begins her slow trek back to her father. She walks past the girls and all of the running children, careful to hold her distance. Their expressions look more distant and manufactured, like that of a packaged doll locked behind a store window. It's the kind of thing you want in the moment, you're prideful that you to have, but then it falls on a pile of countless other dolls in the back of a closet.
When she returns to her father, he smiles and accepts her into his arms. He doesn't need to ask about the grass stains on her new dress or about the light white streaks left behind from her tears. "How was it, Y/n?" Her father lifts her up into his arms and rests her on his hip. "Would you like to come back here?"
Had a new girl of her age not interrupted them at that moment, Y/n's answer would have undoubtedly been a strong 'no'. "Y/n, right?" The girl's brown bangs cover her eyes and her hair tumbles down her back. "You're the one with all of the books in her hospital room right?"
Her father puts Y/n down and her hand immediately flies to his pant leg. She still can't see the girl's face well due to her bangs, but she can recall having seen someone similar in the hospital once or twice. "Yes?"
The girl smiles. "I'm MC! Next time you come to the playground, look for me!" She puts a bright yellow dandelion in Y/n's hand and closes the girl's fist around it. "In exchange, I'll look for you when I'm in the hospital!" With those words, the strange girl takes off and runs away towards the center of the green field. She's smiling. But unlike the other kids, her smile looks to be only a few steps away. Her smile looks natural. Rather than a doll stuck behind glass and tied down by plastic toes with no power over her own life, she looks alive. So, so alive.
And Y/n realized that that's what she wanted to look like too.