Jaemin felt emotionally drained as he wrote the last few words of his worst memory with his ex.
Just reliving his happiest moment with Taewon and then reminiscing their happiest moments, and wondering why it had to end if they both were so happy. Then the switch up to their worst memory, and how it all crashed and burned after that, it was such an emotion jerking experience that he had been going through this whole time.
But he did admit that it felt a little better writing it down, and then proceeding to rip up the paper.
And that's how he ended up having to write the mission over four times.
He felt himself heat up in the same anger as before, but he refrained from ripping up the paper this time.
He didn't really want to write it again.
As he let the pen glide over the paper, he began to wonder if the others felt similarly to him through this assignment.
With a sigh, he continued to write, his wrist now sore because of it, but he continued.
He wasn't putting as much detail as he could but that's what led him to ripping the paper in the first place.
It didn't help that the paper had been damp with his own tears, the cool trails that they had made on his face were now uncomfortable, but he made no move to wipe them away.
He was over crying about Taewon, but the recent text messages came back to him, and for some reason the messages lingered in his mind.
Would he ever try to get back together with Taewon?
If he had the chance, would he?
He wasn't sure.
They were great together, but Jaemin felt like he wasn't true to himself. He constantly hid himself from others, only opening up for Taewon, and he felt lonely.
Those friends he had were like white noise when he was at school, and the only times he would be in contact with Taewon was in the hallways and even then, he'd still have to come up with a facade.
He felt trapped in a cage.
And even though he was able to be free, he still has the chains of heartbreak on his hands that just keep pulling his back.
The pain didn't come immediately, when Taewon said they couldn't be together. It didn't seem real, like it was just a silly new joke that Taewon decided to pull, until it hit.
Jaemin was shocked.
How much time Taewon had managed to hold in Jaemin's life.
Those times were now filled with Jaemin shedding tears in his dimly lit room, where his heart was heavy and a headache threatened him every second of the day.
At school, it felt like any word would push him off the edge, and he hated that. Such vulnerability.
He was repulsed by it, it sickened him but it was just so easy to be so weak.
Hanging out with those friends he surrounded himself with at first felt like he couldn't speak a word of his pain to them. That he would never be truly heard.
No one had known about their relationship at all.
They didn't share friend groups, no classes together because Taewon was a year above him, no correlation at all.
It was as if they didn't even create any sort of rip in their timeline.
As if everything would remain the same, but Jaemin only felt the pain of the normalcy. In fact, it made it worse for him.
He felt like he was screaming in a void, where no one could hear him, and so no one would comfort him.
The memory of it all ran a chill up Jaemin's back at the familiarity of loneliness.
He drew his blanket further on his shoulders, as he reclined onto his pillows.
He had an oversized bed filled with cartoon pillows and stuffed animals paired with the softest of blankets. LED colored lights were lighting up his room in a somber dark purple hue as he looked at the glow-in-the-dark stars dancing on his ceiling.
He had put constellations he could remember on the ceiling and sprinkled in smaller ones to fill it in, but he enjoyed the way it looked like a cartoonish sky.
It made him smile at how childish it could be, but he honestly had some of his deeper thoughts as he detached himself from his reality.
He looked over to his night stand where his broken picture frame that now showcased his family rather than the picture that was hidden behind the broken shards of the glass.
Slowly he reached over, lifting the frame as he brought it closer to himself.
He could remember what he did as he flipped the frame over.
"How could you!" Jaemin had hollered, but not to anyone in particular.
His parents are out, and for some reason the happy looking picture of him and Taewon irked himself out of the little sad party he was having by himself.
He looked at the picture in disgust, harshly throwing the frame at his wall. The glass shattered, covering the floor, and for a brief moment he felt glad that the picture was ruined, before feeling terrible about destroying such a good memory.
"Why did you have to leave?" he whispered, as he picked up the pieces of glass.
He was crying so hard that it affected his vision, the light blurring as he cried more. He accidently grabbed a larger shard, and sliced a cut into his hand.
It stung, a lot, but Jaemin didn't care.
He dropped all the shards, he disregarded all care and simply sank to the floor, and sobbed.
His parents returned home to his cries, and found him clutching onto the frame with his bleeding hand.
He stared at the picture, the one he promised his parents that he would replace his and Taewon's, which he did, but as he lifted the back to the frame, he felt all the emotions he did that day flood back to him.
He silently cried as he lifted the bloodied pictured that resided behind his family picture, looking at the smiling faces reflected back at him.
They were so happy.
It was him and Taewon, at an ice cream shop somewhere in Jeju, where Jaemin's parents had taken the two during summer vacation, where Taewon was smiling at Jaemin as he fed the younger some strawberry ice cream.
Pink had always been Jaemin's favorite color, but Taewon didn't care too much for it, but for some reason, in this particular picture, Taewon had been wearing pink.
It took Jaemin's breath away slightly, as he continued studying the picture.
He wasn't going to throw the picture away, but also wanted to so badly.
It was a great memory, but not good to look at retrospectively.
He wanted to feel that genuine happiness again.
So, so badly.
. . .
A/N:
NCT DREAM IS A FIXED UNIT!! LESSGOOOOOOOOO
yeet yeet
my life is complete.
ok, so, um, yeah
i was gonna type something, but i'd rather it be a surprise so yeah
hope you all are doing well wherever you may be!
i know it's kind of (?) an early (ish) update? but yehet
anywhos, thank you so much for reading
hope you enjoyed,
and until next time!
started : 2020.4.17
finished : 2020.4.23