I stretch in my small dorm bed not being able to sleep anymore through the beams of lights leaking in. I turn on my side after a while and look around at my quiet room. I see pictures on my wall from high school. How simple of a time that was. Suddenly I feel a wave of loneliness come over me.
I sigh.
I just haven't been the same. I don't know if I'll ever be. How can I be?
I just feel lonely lately. My eyes drift to the shirt I borrowed from the boys hangs on the back of my desk chair. It's been two weeks, but I know the boys will pop out of no where soon.
They're stubborn.
Although, I must say I thought I'd hear back from them again by now.
Part of me wishes they would leave me alone. But part of me wishes they'd pop up again.
You know, to return the shirt.
Finally I drag out of bed and figure it's best to change out of the shirt I've been wearing for a while. I dig through my closet.
Fuck. I forgot to wash my clothes.
I still haven't gotten back to my routine that included laundry.
I turn to my dresser, my closet, and all under my bed frantically. There isn't any clean t shirts I can find and I'm going to be late for class.
I've really got to get my shit together.
I scratch my head when I turn to my desk chair.
They wouldn't mind, right?
I mean, they let me borrow it.
"Hey Siri, remind me to wash clothes" I mumble to my phone locking my door.
I run across campus and am ten minutes late to my class.
After class I go to the coffee shop on campus to get my mind off of things. The bell on the door dings and I hear "Hey Lillian! The regular?" I look up and Benjamin smiles.
Ben's a barista here, we went to highschool together when I switched schools.
I weakly smile pulling my backpack strap further on my shoulder. "Yeah, but make it a double shot of expresso."
"Oof. Rough day?" He asks punching in my order. I sigh. "Rough month."
He hands me a receipt. "But I didn't pa-" "don't worry about it" he smiles going to the back counter to make my drink. I smile weakly and walk to a table near the window.
I work on my assignments and look up to see Benjamin handing me my drink. "Thanks" I smile. "Do you uh, need help on that?" He asks sitting down, pointing to my papers spread out.
"I uh- actually yeah that'd be great if you could help. I just failed a test." I confess in defeat. "Bio Chem has got me beat." I admit rubbing my eyes.
"Looks like it. Hey I get off my shift in like twenty minutes, you can just stay here until then and we could go to your dorm?" He proposes. "That sounds great. Thanks Ben"
I try to work out as much as I can and about thirty minutes later, Benjamin and I walk to my room.
"So professor Enders, he's a pain isn't he" he says making small talk. "Yeah, I can't understand anything in his class gosh I hate it."
"Yeah I really don't like him. And when he does that thing and sneezes like thirty times in a row!"
We both laugh, I snort, which makes him laugh harder.
"Nice t-shirt" he comments pointing at me.
"Oh- yeah thanks" I say with a light laugh looking down at the boys warn out band t shirt that was way too big.
"So what are you doing this summer?" He asks reaching my dorm hall.
I mentally roll my eyes at the reality that I should really decide what I am doing this summer.
"Uh I am-" I freeze.
"Lillian?" I Ben asks but I don't look away from my stare.
I see an envelope on my door that says "Lilly"
A name only Sam called me.
In Sam's handwriting.