It is said that an average human takes about 21 days to get rid of a habit.
But it also takes 21 days to get into a habit. Maybe.
So that's what I did. I got rid of every habit I had established in these past months. First, I started with my work. I would keep repeating Jessica's name in my mind before I would press the buzzer and order her to get something. Sometimes, I would call her Fiona, but then I would also quickly correct myself.
Second, my breakfast. It was somehow difficult to stop pulling out a chair for someone and separate boxes. It took me days to get rid of that habit. It also included leaving the main door open for him.
Third, I stopped working in my study. It was due to a very weird reason. It all started back in the first week without somebody living in my house. I was working in my study, but I was also getting distracted. Distracted by what? I was getting distracted by the door. My eyes would keep falling at the door and I would keep waiting.
Waiting for Evan to knock and then sit in front of me.
This is not right.
The wait was getting too much for me so I stopped working in my study and would try to spend my weekends in my room or in my office.
Fourth, the boxes he kept on my doorstep. I had to keep saying to myself that there is no box of cookies lying on my doorstep, but still I would get up from my bed and check outside.
I had to get rid of all these things and I have gotten rid of all these things in 21 days.
But sometimes, only sometimes, not all the time, I find myself staring at a certain door. The door of the room which Evan used. I would sit on the couch with my laptop and keep staring.
Something is very, very wrong with me.
All these things were done when the sun was out but when the nights kicked in, things happened to me.
I wake up in the middle of the night, all sweaty and gasping for air. I have been getting the exact same dream every night. I get inside a car, reach a signal and a loud horn of truck wakes me up.
That has actually happened to me but there's a twist. Instead of seeing Thomas driving the car, I see Evan and it scares me.
A lot.
It scares me so much that I think I'm going crazy. I even stopped taking my meds and antidepressants because the sight of them disgusts me now.
This has also started taking a negative toll on me.
I look myself in the mirror and see those dark circles under my eyes. My cheeks are getting hollower again and I look weak. I have just finished hurling in the bathroom. Things have gotten much worse since the past week. I wake up feeling all nauseous and run to the bathroom then stare at myself in the mirror, thinking how long will I have to suffer these nightmares.
I can't sleep properly due to which I can't eat properly because I feel nauseous at the smell of food and I can't even think straight anymore.
I am also officially back to my regular routine I had before that blasted wedding took place. Today, I'll be going back to preschool to read stories in a room full of little people.
I haven't had any sort of contact with my parents and my therapist.
And I am actually grateful for it.
My parents didn't even pull an effort to find Amelia after Fiona informed them about her, so there was no point even seeing their faces and I don't know where my therapist is.
Probably ordering someone else to get their ass smacked...
I give a last look to myself and head out of the house, mentally preparing myself for the wrath of questions asked to me by the students of the preschool.
*****
"Why did the shoe fit?"
"Did the rose grow back?"
"My mommy says never to take things from strangers. Why did she take the apple?!"
"Can I grow long hair?"
"My mommy says not to touch sharp objects. Why did she touch the needle?!"
"Can I have a sword?"
"My mommy says to kiss people you like. Can I kiss that girl?"
"Eww! Princesses are for girls!"
"They do not!"
"They do so!"
"I want my mommy!"
"I ate an apple. Will I fall asleep?"
"Eww! They didn't have babies!"
I massaged my temples while the teacher put in her best efforts to calm the little people down. I check the time and see that I have been here for almost four and a half hours now. I have read over seven stories to them. The original plan was to read three stories and start having a small conversation with them.
These people started throwing tantrums when I finished and asked for more.
Soon, the class quietens down and one of the little people raises her hand like an obedient student.
"Why did the monster turn into a prince?"
"Because he was already a prince." I deadpanned.
"Are you sick? You look sick." A little person shouts from a corner. "Are you having the cooties?"
The whole class starts screaming.
I slammed my hand on the desk, gaining everybody's attention.
"I am not sick." I growled.
"Um, Miss Thompson?" My head snaps at the teacher sitting near the door. "I believe that the children are right. You do look like you're gonna pass out any minute."
I sighed. "Thank you for your concern, but I am simply tired. A nice sleep will do me good."
"You can leave and take rest. I'll make them understand about your leave." I nod in response and get up from the chair.
"Kids say goodbye Miss Thompson!"
I hear choruses of 'goodbye Miss Thompson' and 'get well soon'.
My lip twitches. "Goodbye, little people." I whisper.
I get out of the preschool, wrapping my face with a scarf and wearing sunglasses. I don't understand the weather of Texas. A month and a half ago it was having thunderstorms and now it's a bit humid and sunny again.
There's no need to cover my face so much but I'm also hiding.
Hiding from reporters, to be exact.
Long story short, one of my cases became national news, considering the fact that one of my clients were very influential people in Canada and had come to Texas to get their long lost property back. They fired their own lawyer because he had lost some important papers.
Obviously, I am an expert in keeping my life private.
I stand near the bus stop and remove my scarf to massage my temples again.
I think I'm having a migraine. My body aches and I feel like my head has been smashed with many glass bottles.
"Maria? Is that you?" I heard a voice. I turned around and saw a vaguely familiar man walking in my direction.
Do I know him?
"Hello, I'm sorry but I didn't recognize you." I said apologetically.
He laughed. "It's me, Andrew. Andrew Walter. Remember I came to your house a couple of months ago and you rejected me?"
My face fell. "Y–Yeah, I do remember you."
He grinned. "So how are you? Were you visiting the preschool too?"
"Fine." I mumbled. "What are you doing here?"
I am not at all liking where this is going. I'm exhausted, my throat feels sore and just want to have a peaceful, dreamless sleep which is something I haven't had in weeks.
He scratches the nape of his neck. "Well, actually I'm dating the principal here so..." He makes some weird hand motion.
Oh. That's good for him.
"Are you free? You still owe me that coffee."
My face fell again. What in the world is he talking about? I don't owe anybody anything.
"No, I don't."
"Uh–huh. Yes, you do. There's a coffee shop just a couple of turns away. Let's go there."
"No." I deadpanned.
"Fine. It's my treat." I shook my head and felt a slight spin. "One coffee please?"
"No."
He gives me a pleading look. "Pretty please with a marshmallow on top?"
I sighed in defeat. My throat still feels sore. Maybe some hot coffee would do me some good?
"Fine," I mumbled. "But you are paying."
He grinned again. "Consider it done!"
Andrew Walter is a nice man. He has those looks, knowledge and skills of charming any woman he wants. In spite of what he told me about himself and what my father and therapist tried to do with me, he's okay. It wasn't his fault. He made an effort to crack jokes with me, have a nice hearty conversation with me and try to bribe me for another coffee, but he knew that I was not going to speak.
Because I was here only for the free hot, black coffee.
We grab our cups and head out of the small coffee shop. My body aches are getting much worse and I am having a hard time keeping eyes wholly open.
"So this was nice." Andrew says. I hummed in response.
I bring the cup near my mouth and the strong smell of coffee invades my nose, making me feel nauseated again. I pulled back as a reflex.
I gulped inaudibly and breathed deeply. That's when my head started spinning and I saw seven Andrews.
"Will I ever see you again?" His voices vibrate in my eardrums.
My palm trembles as I make another attempt to take a sip of my black coffee, but the smell makes my head spin more. The cup slips from my hand and I stumble back.
I see black dots in my vision and I pass out.