Simula
After the long long story, there is an ending. Always have, and always will.
Sadly.
Not just a story but also some things, like happiness, enjoyment, love, and of course life.
Lahat ng bagay ay nagtatapos, gaya na lamang ng mga palabas at nobelang nagwawakas at nauuwi minsan sa masaya o malungkot na katapusan.
Ngunit para sa akin, wala naman talagang masayang katapusan sapagkat lahat ng nagtatapos ay palaging... nakakalungkot. Hindi ang katapusan ng kuwento kundi para sa mga nagbabasa o nanonood.
'Yun bang pagkatapos nating magbasa ng nobela, gusto nating may kasunod, pagkatapos nating manuod, palaging... 'yun na 'yun?' o kaya naman 'nakakabitin naman!'
Kaya naman ginagawa ko lahat upang pagdating ng araw, magiging masaya ang katapusan ng aking kuwento.
Gagawin ko talaga ang lahat, para hindi maging malungkot ang aking wakas.
Kung sanang ang buhay ko'y isinusulat na lamang ng isang magaling na manunulat ng nobela, o di kaya'y kahit yung hindi na, basta't ang ending ay mauuwi sa masaya, pero hindi eh, at yun ang katotohanang masakit isipin.
Dahil ang totoo, tayo mismo ang sumusulat ng ating kapalaran, hindi totoo ang tinatawag nilang destiny o tadhana, dahil sa huli ikaw ang magdedesisyon kung ano ang pipiliin mo sa buhay.
This will sound cliche but I'd say it anyway. I'm just an ordinary person like the others out there.
Mayroong pangarap na mahirap maabot dahil hindi tulad ng mga bidang babae sa nobela, hindi naman ako sobrang talino.. kailangan ko pang mag-aral ng mabuti para lang pumasa, hindi rin ako mayaman pero hindi naman din ako mahirap, at mas lalong hindi naman ako sobrang ganda tulad ng mga leading lady sa mga pelikula.
Wala naman akong problema doon sapagkat unang-una marami akong problemang dapat isipin.
"What?! 'Yun na 'yun?!" my friend exclaimed while staring at their big television. Well, I'm used to that line whenever the movie that we'll watch ends in any way. Mapasaya man o mapalungkot ang wakas, gusto pa niya ng kasunod.
Ganoon din naman ako, I want a sequel, a next part, a next season, and the next book in terms of novels, or a special chapter perhaps?
Biruin mo, sa dami daming problema na kinaharap ng mga bida, kung kailan wala na at kung kailan masaya na sila... 'Yun na 'yun, wala ka ng dapat abangan pa. Isipin mo na lang na they live hapilly ever after tulad ng mga fairy tales.
I smiled sarcastically.
"We have no choice." I uttered.
Umirap siya at kinuha ang inuming juice na kanina pa niya hindi naiinuman dahil sa pinapanood. Matalim niyang tinitignan ang kanilang TV na parang matatakot ito at ibibigay ang gusto niyang mangyari.
Typical Magnum.
Go back to my point, all endings are not quite happy for me.
That's why I am doing my best to achieve my dreams, and if I achieve those dreams, 'yun na siguro ang wakas ng aking kuwento. Pagnatupad 'yun, doon ko palang masasabi na I would live happily ever after.
At mag-iiba na siguro ang pananaw ko sa buhay na siguro hindi naman lahat ng nagtatapos ay malungkot.
Hindi na ako maghahangad ng iba, hindi na ako magdadagdag ng sequel, ayos na yun sa akin.
Tumayo ako at kinuha ang aking mga gamit na dala.
"Uuwi na ako."
Tinignan niya ako ng masama.
I arched my brow. "What?"
"You know what? This is the reason why I don't want movies to end. Kapag kasi tapos na uuwi ka na agad." She rolled her eyes before she stood up.
I arched my brow. "Saan ka pupunta?"
"Malamang, ihahatid ka."
I grinned.
Magnum Elizabette Forte is my only friend, we treat each other like a true sister and obviously.. she's a brat-rich kid, she has a lovable and supportive family, a very mean attitude but has a big heart, a very beautiful girl. She's a playgirl. She's the type of person who always gets what she wants.
Yeah.
She is perfect.
While Amaia Paustina Fellix on the other side is... nothing.
It's like.. she was just one of the minions of the bitch antagonist on a romance novel. But I'm not saying that Magnum treats me like that.
I'm just describing myself.
That's why she needs to achieve her dreams to be something.
To have something.
Until she can say that her story will have a great ending. Yes, I believe everything has an ending. As what Thor said in one of the Avengers Movie. The only permanent in life is impermanence. He is damn right.
Malalim akong nag-iisip habang nakatingin sa labas ng sasakyan nang biglang magsalita si Magnum.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk... This Kale guy is obviously has a crush on you! Kanina pa ako ginugulo!"
I rolled my eyes because of that.
Kung pag-uusapan naman ang pag-ibig. Hindi ko alam. Marami na rin akong nagustuhan o naging crush.. pero hindi rin nagtatagal dahil agad kong tinatapos kapag nakikita kong wala na mang pag-asa 'yon.
Kapag nakikita kong masasaktan ako sa lalakeng 'yon, tatapusin kona bago pa lumala ang nararamdaman ko.
Marami na akong nasaksihan na bagay na hindi naging maganda ang katapusan. Sa buhay man o sa pag-ibig.
That's why I would end something if I know that it's not good for me before it gets started. I don't want to get hurt or regret it in the end. Kung pwede namang tapusin na, tatapusin ko talaga.
I know that It's really hard to find someone that you'll love without getting hurt. But I believe that if that man really loves you then he will not hurt you.
And I want that man for me. I mean who doesn't?
"Just ignore him." I just said.
Ayaw ko muna ng destruction sa pag-aaral dahil hanggat maaari kailangan kong magfocus sa pagtupad ng mga pangarap ko.
Hope is the only thing that I have, and I am very lucky and thankful because finally... God answers one of my prayers. It's like he planned all of those and the only thing that I'll do is to wait and do my best as well.
"Congratulations, Amaia my friend!" Magnum said while clapping her hands...
At first, I thought she was just kidding me, what do I expect? She's been my friend since were kids! that's why I know her and it's really hard to believe a girl who really good at playing!
But who am I kidding either? kilala rin niya ako, at alam niyang ayaw ko ng ganoon. Ayaw kong niloloko ako.
Tumunog ang phone ko, kinakabahang ko itong binuksan at nakitang nag-email sa akin ang eskwelahang pinapangarap kong mapasukan.
Binasa ko ang nilalaman ng email, at parang gusto kong magtatalon sa tuwa dahil sa nabasa.
I passed!
What the hell?! Is this real?!
Mahirap makapasok sa eskwelahang yon, lalo na't eksklusibo. Malaki rin iyon at sobrang ganda kaya naman maraming studyante ang naghahangad na makapasa para duon makapag-aral. Hindi rin naman kasi biro ang tuition fee.
I blinked twice before I looked at Magnum who was smiling widely at me.
Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nalaman, pero hindi naman na ako nagugulat dahil hello! She's Magnum.
"Told 'yah." She laughed...
I smiled, hindi ko alam ano ang sasabihin ko sa totoo lang dahil sa sobrang saya.
Finally, I can say that luck is on my side now!
I sighed.
This day was so happy.
I mean sino bang hindi sasaya ngayong nalaman niyang natutupad na ng paunti-unti ang kanyang mga pangarap? And of course, I was happy and excited to tell it to Auntie Jenna as well!
At exactly seven in the evening, we arrived at my auntie's house, I don't mind at the time but when I saw that someone is there, napilitan akong tumingin sa oras.
Nakasindi ang mga ilaw at bukas ang bahay kaya naman nakumpirma kong may tao nga, isang bagay na ipinagtataka ko.
I frowned.
Mamaya pa ang uwi ni auntie sa pagkakaalam ko. Sa kabila ng pagtataka ay napalitan ito ng excitement habang iniiisip ang maganda kong ibabalita.
"I'm so happy for you! And I'm sure that your aunt will be the happiest if you say this to her!" tuwang-tuwang sinabi ni Magnum habang kumikinang ang mata.
This girl. If I know, she's just happy since if I atend that school which is I would, of course, it means we're gonna be Schoolmate again.
Tumango ako, nakatingin parin sa bahay na tinitirhan.
"I hope so," I said, a little bit nervous.
I'm really nervous about how will Auntie react to this.
I sighed.
Isipin mo nalang Amaia na matutuwa siya sa ibabalita mo. Well, knowing my Aunt Jenna, she really supports me in everything. She is basically my mother more than my real mother is.
I shooked my head, I shouldn't thinking of that woman.
This day was amazing and I don't it to ruin by just thinking of her.
Hindi ko siya kailangan. I don't need my mother. I don't need my father either even if I didn't know who he is.
I don't need their supportiveness and love either.
All I need is to tell my good news to Auntie, and then this day will gonna end happily for both of us.
But who am I kidding?
Iyak ako ng iyak habang pinapanood si auntie na nag-iimpake ng gamit ko. Hinawakan ko ang dibdib habang dinadama ang pagsikip nito.
"Kailangan mong lumayo, I already packed some of your bags, nandoon na rin yung plane ticket mo papuntang Panay , All you need to do is to take care of Mama until I finish my business here..." Nagmamadali siya habang inaayos ang isa pang bag na naglalaman ng mga gamit ko."A-and andito na rin yung mga papers mo na kakailanganin mo para sa pag-eenrol, don't worry kinausap ko na si mama na bukas na bukas, andoon ka na."
Tinignan niya ako, mas kalmado siya ngayon.
Hindi katulad kanina.
Pagkapasok ko pa lang kanina ng bahay ay alam kong may mali. Nakita ko siya kanina na may kausap sa cellphone niya, she looks nervous and frustrated as she listens to whoever she was talking to.
Sasagot sana siya sa kausap pero bigla niya akong nakita sa pintuan.
"Is there any problem, Auntie?" Nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang papalapit ako.
"Hey." Tinapik ko siya sa balikat at bigla siyang natauhan.
"You need to leave." that's what I remembered before my mind went blank and my Auntie starting to pack my things.
I was just stunned as she continues to go and out to my room.
"What do you mean, Auntie?" I asked her, nervous.
"Mama needs you there, kailangan niya ng kasama sa probinsya habang nagtatrabaho ako."
She keeps saying that. But I know that it's not the real reason.
Alam kong may mas matindi pa doon.
The way she acts? It's just like...
I know that something is off
At alam ko rin na seryoso siya sa pagpapalipat sa akin sa probinsya kaya naman hindi ko mapigilang hindi mapaluha.
"Amaia, are you listening?"
I look at her in the eyes hoping that she'll listen to me this time.
"I-I passed the exam auntie, hindi ka na mahihirapan sa akin... I can also w-work, if you just let me." I said feeling weak after crying for a long time.
I don't usually cry but these things that were happening make me.
Bahagya siyang nagulat sa sinabi ko at tinabihan ako sa upuang kanina ko pa inuupuan.
She sighed.
She looks at me with her sad eyes.
"It's not just about our financial problem, Amaia. It's just mama is having a bad time in her province and I want you to take care of her temporarily... You know, I have problems here to deal with and I don't want you to be involved, please understand," she said softly, trying to be calm.
I shooked my head repeatedly.
I.don't.fucking.understand.
And what problems she was talking about?!
I don't understand anything!
My mind was filled with bad thoughts that's why I didn't mean to say something that will hurt her feelings.
"I thought you're not like them, but I guess I'm wrong. Pare-pareho lang pala kayo." I said which is I regretted afterwards.
Her eyes turned sadder and hurt. May gusto pa sana siyang sabihin pero hirap na hirap siya. Her lips were trembling, she was about to say something pero nagulat na lang ako nang bigla siyang humagulgol ng iyak at niyakap ako ng mahigpit.
"I know that you want to achieve your dreams that's why it's really hard for you, it's not easy for me either because your dreams were also part of my dreams but you can't achieve those if you're here with me and I don't want you to hate me for that." She said while crying.
I'm stunned while hearing her cries, all these years I believe that Auntie Jenna was one of the bravest and strongest women in the world, she always protects me and reminding me that no matter what happens... always be strong for the people that you loved and for yourself. That's why I'm shocked seeing her like this!
She doesn't deserve it.
Hell! she sacrifices a lot and these what she got?!
The way she cries, I know that she is having a very serious problem, at ayaw kong maging pabigat, marami na siyang nagawa sa akin, tinalikuran rin niya ang kanyang responsibilidad sa probinsya para lang sa akin. Tapos sinumbatan ko pa siya.
Fuck you, Amaia!
Napakaliit lang ng problema mo kumpara sa tumayong ina mo, tapos nagdadrama ka ng ganyan?
This was the only thing that she'll ask, tapos nag-iinarte kapa?
Bumitaw ako sa pagkakayakap niya at tinignan siya ng diretso.
She's still crying and I hope my decision will help her with whatever problem she was talking about.
I wiped my unshed tears as I said my final word.
"I'll go to Lola's province tomorrow, I-I just want to rest right now." My voice cracked.
Her face lightens up, tumango siya at tumayo na. Nasiyahan sa sinabi ko. My heart clenched. Ang sakit lang na isipin na habang nahihirapan ako, siya nama'y mukhang nasisiyahan. Maybe this is what she's feeling while raising me. She sarcrificed a lot, one thing I can do is to sacrifice a little. If she wants me to leave, then I will.
"K-kumain ka muna, naghanda ako para sayo." Pinunasan niya ang kanyang luha at inayos ang sarili.
Umiling ako at pekeng ngumiti.
Hindi ko kayang kumain sa ngayon.
May tumatawag sa kanya sa cellphone niya kaya naman sinamantala ko 'yun para umalis na lamang.
Napasimangot naman akong nakatingin sa maleta at bag na dadalhin ko bukas.
It's too big.
Mukha talagang wala na akong pag-asa para sa bagay na ito?
Pumunta ako sa kwarto ko at bumungad sa akin ang mga nakabukas kong drawer na wala ng laman. Inayos ko yun at humiga na sa higaan. Hindi na rin ako nakapagpinis ng katawan dahil sa mga iniisip ko.
Kahit gusto kong magpahinga para bukas hindi ko parin nagawa, hindi ako nakatulog kagabi sa kaiisip ng nangyari ngayon at mangyayari bukas.
I thought this day will end well.
But I'm wrong,
I'm just right when I said endings are not meant happy. As for me.
Hindi ako makakapag-aral sa gusto kong eskwelahan. At ewan ko na lang kung ano ang mangyayari sa akin sa probinsya.
Kung anong buhay ang haharapin ko doon. Wala akong kaide-ideya.
I wanted to wish that my life waiting for me there would starts and ends well. But I would not fool myself anymore because I can see where my story is heading. Like every ending that I'd experienced in my life, this story would probably end painful. You wouldn't wish a next chapter since the ending for that chapter would be painful too, or maybe more painful. I mean... everything in my life ended tragic, and it would always ends tragic. Always have, and always will.
_________
Hello there! Thanks for reading my first ever story.. hope you'll enjoy this as I enjoy writing it as well...
Also hope that this will be the first book that I'll finally publish completely and as a book.
xoxo
P.s. Typographical and Grammatical errors are real. If you're a perfectionist, better not to read this thing...
-jazwritee
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