Nirvana; a state of perfect peace, harmony, and happiness in the world; enlightenment.
C H A P T E R S I X T Y - O N E
Still Noah's POV
"What?" I said, utterly baffled at his open declaration. I hadn't thought about this long enough to expect how this exact conversation was going to go. I had been very straightforward with him yet somehow he didn't strike me as someone who would be this obtrusive.
My jaw tightened as my gaze matched up to his. "You're the one who didn't want me to lie, right?" he answered, his scoff ridiculing me blatantly.
"How can you admit it so shamelessly?" I replied, least bothered about maintaining a filter.
"You're making it sound like you both are married and I'm trying to have an affair with her," he laughed mockingly at my face and I ran a hair through my moderately messy hair.
The feeling of jealousy that clouded my mind when I saw Sydney with someone else wasn't a choice, it was natural but I had never felt the slightest bit intimidated or threatened but this guy was turning out to be an exception. "It might as well be, the situation isn't very different," I reminded him.
The features on his softened a bit and his lips broke out in a smile. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I had a strong urge to throw it off me. "Noah, I only said I've feelings for her, I never said I was going to act on them," he said, shaking his head faintly as he laughed.
"So, you're telling me you have feelings for her but you're gonna keep quiet and not tell her?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you," he responded nonchalantly.
"Bullshit," I whisper-shouted, calling him out.
He inhaled a deep breath and his eyes stayed glued to my face. "Feelings are a bitch, Noah. The more you try to chase them away, the more they try to find their way right back to you," he said, raising his eyebrows at me for a slight second and stifling a laugh.
I let him continue. "It was Syd who broke up with me, but I didn't wake up the next day and start hating her because of what she did. It's been two years but these feelings are so fucking adamant, they won't go away."
"Well, make them go away. I don't care how but do it because she's with me now. You lost your chance with her, you can't do anything now" I warned, still not believing him. I kept shaking my leg lightly as I grew more tensed.
Gavin looked amused at what I had said and I looked at him, maintaining my hard gaze. "It's been two years, don't you think if I wanted her to know, she would've by now? Noah, two years is more than enough time for me to let her know and you think I would wait for her to get into a relationship, where she's perfectly happy and then sabotage that just to let her know how I feel? I might seem like an asshole, but I wouldn't steep so low," he explained himself, relieving me of my fear.
"So, you're gonna let her go so easily without even trying?" I asked, not fully knowing what my purpose behind asking him that question was.
"Love doesn't always guarantee you a happily-ever-after with the person you've fallen for. Sometimes, it's just watching the person you love being happy, even if it isn't with you," he shrugged his shoulders like it wasn't a big deal at all.
"You don't love her enough to fight for her?" I questioned, realizing a second after how utterly offensive my words sounded. I bit the inside of my lip because I had no idea where this conversation was heading or why I was trying to convince him, in a way, to go for my girl.
"Would you rather have me take a shot? You fight for someone who loves you back and I know she doesn't reciprocate my feelings. Besides, me having feelings for her is my problem, I'm not about to let it become hers," he joked and laughed after to indicate the nature of his words.
"No Noah, I do love her enough. Enough to let her go and be with the person that she really loves," he said, his voice soft and barely visible. I could clearly sense the pain in his eyes but he smiled through it all.
It was then it occurred to me that between the two of us, it wasn't me who was the brave one, it was him. It was hard to fight for someone you love but it was harder to let them go and watch them be happy with someone else. And he had done it, with a smile on his face.
"You're very strong," I praised genuinely, not feeling the need to challenge him anymore. "I could never do what you're doing. I love Sydney, more than anything or anyone in my life but my life would literally collapse without her. I would always somehow manage to convince her to come back to me. I need her too much to let her go."
He chuckled lightly as a response and intertwined his fingers among themselves. "Then, I'm glad that she's dating you and not me," he told me, a wide grin on display.
"Syd has a habit of running away from things and problems and she's very good at it. She needs someone exactly like you. Someone who won't back out when it comes to bringing and pulling her back to you," he said, tilting his head at a flimsy angle as his brows rose.
"Yeah, I've been doing that for quite some time now," I replied jokingly.
"Well, it's a lifetime's job now so good luck to you," he said, completely winning me over with that statement of his. He diffusely achieved to tell me that we would stay together for life and I definitely acknowledged myself as lucky because not all guys get to hear this particular statement from their girl's ex.
I felled compelled to like him because of his character. I spoke, drawing his attention and stare right back at me. "Hey Gavin, you received a nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize yet?" I joked, pointing toward his kindness.
"Actually, you know what? I just received the notification of the nomination a few hours ago," he played along with my joke.
We both laughed at his statement and at this moment, once again, Sydney proved to be right. Gavin wasn't the person I had considered him to be. I felt petty for letting my mind became a prey to the stereotypical doubt and worry that comes along when you're about to meet your girl's ex who very closely resembles a dream boy.
"Gavin, your grandpa called, he wants to know when you're getting back home," Sydney said, standing behind the couch I was sitting on and ruffling my hair a bit.
"Yeah, he won't sleep until I get home so I should leave," Gavin responded, his blue eyes fixed at Sydney's face as she proceeded to give him a warm smile.
"You're coming over tomorrow, right?" Sydney asked him and he nodded lightly.
He shook hands with me before giving Sydney a small hug. I knew that Gavin's intentions weren't bad and although my mind still couldn't help itself but feel a little jealous, I convinced myself that it was nothing but friendly.
"I'm gonna say bye to Chris, yeah?" Gavin told us, going towards the kitchen because Chris still hasn't come out of there.
As soon as Gavin left, Sydney caught my hand and pulled me slightly. "Let's go up."
I gladly stood up and let her pull me to her room. She plopped down on the bed and smiled at me as I shut the door. "Congratulations, you got my dad to like you," she told me whilst tying her hair into a loose ponytail.
"How can you say that he likes me? Did he tell you he does?" I asked excitedly.
She bit her lower lip lightly and proceeded to give me a small smile. "He's my dad, he doesn't need to tell me. Also, my dad isn't really good with words," she winked at me. "Besides, he would never admit he likes any boy his daughter dates," she raised her eyebrows dramatically.
"He's very obvious about his love for Gavin," I said stupidly, feeling inferior to him in this particular aspect.
"It's not a competition, Noah," she said, pulling me next to her on the bed. "Gavin's Gavin. Everyone loves him, it's always been that way," she shrugged simply. "Can we please for once stop talking about him?" she asked, looking fairly annoyed and she was right to be. Ever since I had come here, all I was doing was comparing myself to him.
"Alright, how are you so sure that your dad likes me now?"
Both of us lied down on her bed and she put her arms around me, with her cheek resting right above the spot where my heart resided. "Because he also lost his mom when he was very young and he knows what it's like. I'm not saying he wouldn't have liked you otherwise but you know, coincidentally, the whole thing came up and I could sense it that he sort of likes you now," she explained to me.
Sort of, I repeated in my mind and scoffed lightly.
Small progress is still progress, I reminded myself and smiled because I wasn't expecting him to take a liking to me anytime soon.
"You know, ever since the whole overdose incident," she started and I immediately flinched, remembering it. I shook those thoughts out of my mind, not having enough strength to go through all that. "My mom stopped pestering me about my grades. She literally doesn't care about it at all, my dad never did. Even while she was leaving right now, she told me that she was so upset they both had to go and that they couldn't spend time with me," I played with her crazily silky brown hair, curling the strands around my finger as she spoke.
"But obviously I understand it's their job and this isn't new to me, I've spent my entire life like this," she continued and I hummed in response.
"I think, more than all that, she just wanted you to be in a homely environment. Even if it is just for two days," I said absent-mindedly, kissing her forehead as she looked up at me and smiled.
She pulled her blanket on top of us and switched off the main lights, letting the fairy lights stay on. "Wouldn't your parents not approve of this?" I asked her, referring to the fact that both of us were sleeping in one bed. Even though we had done almost every night at my apartment, I didn't want to mess up anything with her parents.
She snuggled closer to me and I held her by her waist. "They wouldn't but they're not here to see it, are they?" she spoke, her face very comfortably adjusted in the crook of my neck. I could feel her smirk.
"Rebel," I commented, chuckling.
"Oh, by the way, tomorrow, I've to take you somewhere and show you something, so please, wake up early tomorrow," she told me.
I laughed as she reminded me. "I don't think, amongst the two of us, I'm the one who creates a fuss in waking up early, precious," I mocked, referring to the fact that she could literally never wake up early.
"Fuck you," she muttered, keeping her eyes closed.
"You really should," I said, perceiving full well that it would make her blush. She stirred in her sleep and I shifted us into a cuddling position, me being the big spoon, obviously with her little she was.
Then, I closed my eyes as that citrus scent of hers engulfed me, falling into a peaceful sleep with my heart fluttering just like the fairy lights in her room because I had the girl of my dreams securely in my arms.
Author's Note:
Okay, I know this was a filler chapter and whatever but I still found it so cute, tell me what you thought about it?
Fun fact, this chapter was actually over 5k words so I had to split into two halves!!
Alright, guys, be expressive, as always! Don't forget to VOTE&COMMENT! I could really really use them right now with this whole depressing quarantine thing going on!!
Take care of yourselves and keep your sanitizers close!
Me, when I finally overcome the bloody writer's block-
A whole ass mood-
love, faye x