1019 Words excluding (A/N)~ I no own MK/DC~
Written March 14 2020
Posted April 20 2020
When they made it all the way back from Osaka to their apartment, Kaito tiredly flopped onto the couch. It sort of annoyed him that he was getting tired more easily than before, that meant that he secretly agreed with Ginzo about him needing rest. There was no way that he was going to verbally admit it though.
Ginzo couldn't help but shake his head at how the other just curled up on the couch, they never did get around to getting Kaito some good pain meds, but that was fine. It prevented Kaito from just ignoring the pain in favour of doing something he deemed more worthy of his time. He finished putting away their few belongings before turning towards Kaito "Hey Kaito, I need to talk to you" Now that they were in more familiar territory, the other shouldn't be as on edge.
Kaito blinked as he turned over, he'd been facing the back of the couch "What's the matter?" He inquired, holding back a wince when he accidentally put pressure on the right side of his face. Was he going to find out why Ginzo had been acting so weird?
The inspector took in a breath before releasing it "I'm not trying to cause a fight" He stated before continuing "But I'd really like to know why you value everyone more than yourself" Kaito was better than most people, so why didn't he acknowledge it? Ginzo swallowed, afraid to continue, but knowing that he had to "You act like you think that you're worthless..."
Indigo darkened a bit as Kaito glanced away, suddenly feeling uneasy "Does it really matter?" He was tired, and he wasn't sure if he could easily disappear for a bit.
"Yes Kaito, it does" Ginzo stated, slowly approaching Kaito. He didn't want the other to flee like he often did when there was a disagreement. His tone softened a bit "I care about you" A lot "So it really stings whenever you disregard yourself"
Kaito sat up so that he was no longer laying down, it was a less vulnerable position "I can't help what I feel" He breathed, hugging his knees to his chest. He shouldn't have allowed Ginzo so close, he should have known that the inspector would have gotten attached to him. His eyes burned, he wasn't worth getting attached to.
Ginzo settled himself beside Kaito "I can't either you know" He offered, gaze softening a bit "How exactly do you feel?" Maybe if Kaito told him, he'd be able to offer him some help.
"You're going to yell at me if I tell you" He knew Ginzo well enough to know that the inspector wouldn't be pleased.
He did like to yell a lot, didn't he? Ginzo grimaced "I'll let you finish and I'll try not to yell" That was the least that he could do.
Kaito bit his lip, eyes burning "I can't help but think of everyone as better than me" He lowered his head "Especially when I watch them going about their daily lives. They all just have so much" He breathed "A family, friends, school, an identity..." His voice wavered "Before, if I died, nobody would have missed me, the actual me, not Kid" He buried his face against his knees "The real me isn't even all that great either, I'm a liar and a thief" His eyes watered "And everything that I didn't steal was purchased from the money earned by letting old men fuck me!" He let out a shuddering breath "I could have done so many things to get money... But I chose to let myself be used" Because he couldn't repent yet by going to jail "I could have designed apps anonymously... or done something else" He was trembling "And now I don't have any way to punish myself anymore..." Because it would upset Ginzo if he ever found out. But maybe the guilt building up could be a good thing.
Ginzo swallowed, thoroughly shocked "You were punishing yourself?" He frowned "But you seemed glad to be able to stop" It didn't make sense.
"I was" He'd been so glad to never feel that unwanted touch ever again "But then my guilt started to grow with no way to repent for everything yet" He gave a small, bitter laugh "You know that I was excited after I found you that night?" His tone grew bitter "Once I realized that you weren't going to die, I was happy that you were trapped like that" Kaito shook his head "How messed up is that?!" He was a very bad person.
"You were lonely" Ginzo breathed, eyes burning "So of course you would jump at the first chance of company you got" He glanced down at his own hand "And you're working on the cure, even though you didn't have to" He would have never expected Kaito to be able to make the cure if the other hadn't told him he would.
"I'm so messed up" Even he could see that there was something wrong with himself.
Ginzo scooted a bit closer so that he could wrap Kaito up in a big hug "That's fine considering the circumstances" His tone was soft "I still managed to grow to love you, even with how you are"
Kaito couldn't help the blush that darkened his face, thankfully it was still resting against his knees. He sniffed, it had been so long since someone had told him that they loved him. His parents had been too stressed and worried before they'd been killed "You shouldn't, you're in this mess because of me" The heist had drawn in both Ginzo, and the Crows.
The inspector let out a breath, releasing his hold on Kaito "To tell you the truth, I'd rather have had this happen than for you to still be living how you used to" He offered a small smile "I would have beat myself up for the rest of my life if I found out your real age after recovering your corpse" This way was better, he could watch over Kaito like this.
Kaito lifted his head a bit, red rimmed indigo peeking at him "You really mean that?" His voice was soft.
Me: This was interesting to write~
Poor Kaito... and Ginzo is just so kind >^<
Hope you enjoyed~
>~< next week!..... So nervous.....