Jack J's POV
"Sstop," I manage to stutter out. I grip Jack by the shoulders and hold him at arm's length. Jack's expression drops, like a sad puppy and I feel feelings arise in my chest. I block them though and keep him at bay. If he whispered one more word I might just fall apart. "Don't...just...don't do that."
Jack's faces starts to brighten as he realizes his reaction on me, rather my member. Just a few words and he's managed to get me hard as a rock.
"He doesn't seem very conflicted." Jack states pointing at my bulge. My face burns as I try to twist my legs to hide it.
"He is a slut." I point out. "And maybe we should move back a little bit." I put more space between Jack and me, in an attempt to control my hardening boner. I can't help but squirm though as it rubs against my jeans. "Fuck," I wince at the mixed pleasure and pain of it grinding.
"Come on," Jack took my hand and pulled me out of the house until we reached the street.
"Where the hell are we going?" I ask as we run, I still attempt to hide my obvious boner but while running it's painfully obvious.
We reach Jack's car. He opens the door for me with a little bow. I frown, not really understanding what the hell we're doing.
"We're going somewhere." Jack states like it's the most obvious thing ever.
"Fuck it." I decide and jump into the seat.
"Maybe it's just a phase." I consider again between sips of a slushy I found in his car. Jack nods a little as he sucks on his and I can't help but imagine him sucking on something else, something a little longer than that straw. I blink hard to try and shake the naughty thought.
"I used to think that. I used to think one day I just would stop thinking like that."
"And?" I ask hopefully.
"I think my feelings are pretty clear." I almost stop in my tracks as I remember his many confessions of love. I take a long sip of my slushy so I don't have to reply to that. Jack seems to wait for me to say something in response but all I do is slurp awkwardly.
"Nice Slurpee there?" Jack asks tapping my empty cup. I'm pretty sure I've been sucking on air for a while now but I don't know what to say to Jack. I feel like if I say something wrong then everything could blow up in my face. Instead I just nod vigorously to which Jack laughs. "My point is though that my feelings don't seem to be leaving anytime soon." Jack continues which just about breaks my heart. I feel sadness start to gush inside me.
We got out the car and started walking.
Instinctively I check over my shoulder. Every time Jack says something remotely close to feelings related I look around. I need to know if anyone heard that, or is watching. I don't see anyone but I still feel an edge as we start walking again.
"I'm pretty sure you've been sucking on air for the past minute." Jack states pulling my cup out of my hands and revealing it to be empty.
"That explains my brain freeze." I say and hold a hand to my head to try and stop the ache. We walk into a small quaint restaurant. I take a seat at a table, a booth far in the back where I'm sure no one can see us. It shouldn't matter though.
"Probably,"
"You don't think anyone has noticed what's going on between us?" I ask still a little paranoid. I know Jack claims that the guys know but it still bothers me.
"I have a proposition." Jack states like he didn't even hear me.
"Okay. Shoot."
"How about for one day we forget about all that bull shit. One day of just being friends. One day where none of those icky feelings even cross our minds." Jack offers. It sounds pretty good right now.
"What about when it's over?" I ask pointing out the obvious fact that the feelings won't die.
"We'll worry about that later. Right now how about we do something more fun?" Jack proposes with a big grin. I laugh a little at how funny his smile is before he takes my hand and pulls me away.
//
"I could pay you back later." I offer again. Jack having to pay for my admittance is just a tad embarrassing. Jack just shakes his head and buys me a cotton candy, adding to my guilty feeling.
"You eat it." I hand it back to him.
"I bought it for you. That's what friends..."He leans in for it, "do for friends."
"I'll still pay you back for admittance though." I repeat again. As soon as I can scrounge up fifty bucks. Fuck, why does the Boardwalk have to be so expensive? I'll never be able to pay him back.
"I'm sure we can figure out some other way for you to pay me back." Jack says and for a second I wonder if that's some sort of sexual innuendo. I study Jack's face to look for a sign. He just smiles and laughs. Well that's unhelpful.
"So what do you want to go on first?" I look around at all the impossibly high rides. MY stomach does a little flip as I look at The Drop. Takes you up, and over and down at a 90 degree angle.
"Fuck that's high." I shiver out staring up at it.
"What's the matter you scared of heights?" Jack jabs at my side. I brush him off and continue to stare up at that monster. Who in their right mind would go on that? "Come on, I'll race you." He says before he heads right for the drop. I can't help but stare at him as he jumps excitedly. He looks so happy, like a little kid. Something inside me gushes and, very slowly, I make my way to that abomination known as The Drop.
"I don't think this was a good idea." It might be a little late for these thoughts when I'm over 500 feet in the air. Why the fuck did I do this? Why did Jack have to be so distracting?
"Here," Jack took my hand, setting off tingles that shot up my arm. Now I remember, but I still regret it. "It'll be fun." Jack yelled as we reached the peak. Now I could see the tiny, tiny, microscopic people a million miles away on planet earth.
"Aw fuck. Shit, shit, shit." I still curse as I feel us start to lurch forward. "If I die, I swear to god I'll come back to kill you." I threaten one more time before we take off.
//
"What the fuck was that?" Jack asks as I run back from the bathroom. I couldn't puke in front of Jack, that wouldn't be a good move, even if we are just friends right now. In hindsight eating all that cotton candy before coming here may not have been the best idea.
"Had to piss." I lie and wipe my mouth one last time, to make sure there's nothing left.
"Alright well I'm starving want some food? I saw a cheeseburger place over that way." Jack offers but my stomach does a little churn at the mention of food. I have to resist the urge to blow chunks all over again. "Are you okay? You look a little...green."
"Yeah, Come on let's go get...cheeseburgers." I instantly regret saying.
"The best time was definitely when in your room." Jack argues.
"What?" I ask between sips of water. The only thing that doesn't make me want to hurl. "What about the time in the back of my car?"
"It was way more fun back in 8th grade when we were scared your mom was gonna come in." Jack says with a suggestive eyebrow. I laugh remembering how terrified I was the entire time. Good times. Jack however convinced me it would be more fun with the edge of nerves. Suffice is to say it wasn't.
He takes another bite of that burger and I swallow to keep back any more of that cotton candy. "It wasn't fun it was just terrifying. Plus the car was the first time we ever did it together." I point out.
"You got to admit though, the bedroom was a lot more comfy. Plus you didn't leave any stains in there."
"You did though. You set off a fire alarm with all your smoke." I say to which Jack shrugs.
"The smoke stain went away after a while."
"After I washed it all off. I swear my mom smelt it or something. You're lucky she didn't kill me."
"Just goes to show you, smoking weed is fun wherever you are." Jack says all high and mighty, just because he ran out of argument.
"Yeah, in a safer place like the car." I say again. It was the first time Jack ever gave me any. I study Jack for a second.
"You wanted to start driving afterward!" Jack almost yells and I laugh remembering how much I wanted to go get a taco after we started. I nearly drove right into a pole.
"Let's remember who gave me that stuff." I ask eyeing Jack. He scoffs like it's not true.
"When we were what? How old were we?" I search in my mind for date, I think maybe...fourteen when we started. Everyone else sort of started too around then.
"Fourteen maybe. It seems really bad now that I think about it." I answer.
"You know that saying, 'everyone was doing it.'"
"Don't give in the peer pressure Jack"
"I won't," Jack says crossing his heart with his hand. Well Jack's dead then.
"Or drugs." I find myself saying automatically. Jack laughs but he doesn't know how serious I am about this one. "Nothing Nash gives you." Jack's smile suddenly fades as he seems to get that I'm serious.
"I'm not doing Heroin. I'm not a pot head either, or a meth junkie. I'm not a junkie." Jack says all playfulness gone. He almost seems mad, going on these subjects with him are always tricky, especially considering what's been going on with Nash. But I can't help that side of me that just wants to keep Jack safe.
"I know."
"So stop looking at me like I'm one."
"I'm not." I promise but it's a bit of a lie.
"Can we talk about something else?" Jack asks irritably, we do but now there's a slight edge to Jack for the rest of our talk.
//
"You won me a bear?" Jack asks as I hand him the giant bear. Jack almost buckles under, considering it's almost as big as him.
"You don't like it?" I ask.
"No, no" He quickly says from behind the bear.
"Here I'll hold it." I take it back and buckle a little too. Damn when did these things get heavy?
"Come on. We should probably start heading back." Jack teases me in a baby voice.
As we leave the park I'm suddenly caught up a mixture of dread and anxiety. We promised to be friends for the day but now the day was getting very to over? So where would we be then?
I look at Jack, trying to see if maybe he's anxious. If he is he's doing an excellent job of hiding it. He walks just like normal, like we're not about to possibly hash out some feelings for each other.
The entire car ride home I feel my anxiety building up. I hadn't really given a lot of thought to us with this break and I'm not sure if I want to go back to that bull shit between us. So why should I go back to that.
By the time we reach my house I check the clock. It's near midnight, well fuck now I really have hell to pay. I reach for the door handle but Jack hits the lock button.
"What?" I ask but Jack isn't looking at me.
"So now that the days over...what is it you want?" he simply asks.
"I'm supposed to figure it out in one day?" I ask.
"No but do you have any idea? Do you want me or not?" Jack asks finally looking at me. Something about his stare breaks my heart, he's not angry he just looks tired. It must be a lot of wear and tear to love someone for so long and never tell them. I've just been dealing with this for a few weeks, he's been dealing with this for years on end.
"I think I want you. But I just don't know if I'm gay okay. I don't know and I don't want anybody else to know. I don't want to call you my boyfriend. I don't want us to stop being friends...even if we become something else. I want you...but while I figure out what it is...just don't rush me okay?" I finally manage to finish and just stare at Jack franticly waiting for his reply.
"Okay," he says coolly. He slips a hand around my neck and pulls me down for a kiss. It's quick, a peck but it still has me a little flustered and aching for more. "I'll see you at the wedding okay?"
"Yeah," I say trying to keep my face from burning from the kiss. "See you later," I say before I step out and watch as Jack drives away.