"Stop and wait a sec. When you look at me like that my darling what did you expect? I'd probably still adore you with my hands around your neck"- Arctic Monkeys.
Jack J's POV
It's odd to think about God, everything I thought I knew was so clear. I thought I was straight. I thought Jack was my best friend. I thought I was a good person. Now I don't know anything.
Am I straight? Maybe. How do you know for sure? I mean it should be obvious, you just like the opposite gender. But I don't, I have feelings for Jack.
Is Jack my best friend? No, yes, maybe, that one I have no clue about. We're something else entirely now. We can never just be friends again. I'll never be able to look at him in the same way. We're something. I just don't know what.
Am I good person? I don't know. That one is a hard one to answer. Is anyone really a good person? Everyone has faults. Everyone makes mistakes. I didn't ask for these feelings. They just came up out of nowhere. I was blindsided but now there's no way to deny that they're there. So does that leave me as a good person? In gods eyes? I don't know.
Thoughts swirl in my head until I can't take it anymore. I need to find Jack. I need to apologize.
I pace back and forth in my room trying to figure some kind of plan of action. Apologize is must? But what else?
I decide to go to a special place. I always go there when I'm feeling down.
It's an abandoned preschool. The precise preschool where Jack and I met.
It's completely deserted and sometimes the guys and I would get trashed there.
After a few blocks the building came into view.
As I reach the side of the building I sprint as a car drives past. I can't get caught in here. It's pretty illegal.
Suddenly something jumps me. We crash to the ground.
"Fuck!" I moan as my face hits the ground, causing a new series of pain in my face.
"Jesus, sorry." That familiar voice suddenly makes a smile go across my face. I spin and see him sitting on top of me.
"Oh my god." His face suddenly changes as he sees mine. He touches my face, just on my bruise. I try my best to hide that pain. His face doesn't hide anything. He looks horrified at my injury.
"What happened to you?" He asked caressing my cheek. It makes me smile somewhat, how much he seems to care.
"I literally just feel on my face." I say.
Jack seems to study me. Check if I'm hurt anywhere else but I pull him down for a kiss, carefully so he won't hurt my bruise. He struggles at first but he seems go get lost in the kiss. I do too. For a while I forget where we are or what is happening.
"We seem to be in this position a lot." I mention.
"Maybe it's because I like you best when you're on your back." I laugh but suddenly it feels dry. Thoughts of last night and how I treated Jack resurfaced. I don't show it but inside I'm really considering just pushing Jack off me.
"Do you now?" I ask with a chuckle. "Prove it." He leans down for another kiss, longer because I lace my fingers through his hair to hold his lips there. I soak in the ecstasy the kiss leaves me with.
"Come on." Jack says. I groan. I don't want to stop kissing him. It distracts me. I let him pull me up though. When I get up I pull him in for one more embrace.
"What are you even doing here?" I ask as we walk towards the back of the building.
"I just needed to think..." He said slowly.
I sighed.
I heard a car from behind me and I turned around. There was nothing.
I turn back to Jack but when I do he's not there.
I look up and see the back door of the building shut. I blindly follow after Jack as he heads through the deserted building.
"Jack!" I call after him. He just keeps walking forward as if he didn't even hear me. For a while in the dark I think I've lost him, until I find him standing outside a big window pane looking into the daycare room.
"What the hell are you doing?" I ask trying to catch my breath from running after him.
He just stares into the window like there is actually something in there. I look inside too. I remember it from when I was little.
"What are you looking at?" I ask trying to see if something might catch my eye.
"Do you remember coming here?" Jack asks.
"To the playroom? Yeah. Of course." I answer.
"Right over there is where I first saw you." He points to a back corner of the room. "You had just stopped crying because your mom left you here. I remember thinking that you were such a cry baby." I cringe reliving the experience of all the kids laughing at me.
"Then I found that your name was also Jack. And we became friends."
"Fun times." I say thinking of how we met.
"What's your point?" I ask.
"I remember when I did fall in love with you though. When we were about nine, during open house at school. When I didn't come you came all the way to my house to see what was going on. And I remember I got into a big fight with my dad. And you brought me to your house for the night and just let me stay there. You said I could stay for as long as I wanted. And that's when I knew I loved you. I knew that I needed you. And I would never be able to get over you. And then when we were fourteen we started 'helping each other out' and it just went downhill from there." Jack wiped a tear that seems to have formed in his eye.
"I...I don't know what to say." I say lamely.
"I do. I know what I want from you, I want you. Not as a friend... But something more. I always have and I always will. " Jack says finally looking at me. I try to control my breaths. I keep breathing and maybe I won't cry like a baby.
"I want you. I don't care what anybody else thinks. I want you. What do you want?"
Instead of crying, I just stand there, with my mouth handing open. Trying to muster up the courage to say something. Anything.