My house is not my home
I have no where to go
I have been left alone
My sanctuary?
What's that
Where I dont need to wonder if I should be worried?
Where I dont ask myself of it's ok to go home ?
Where I dont wonder if I'll get out without a scar?
The truth behind closed door is what they dont see
The yelling and the screaming
Only I see
They simply someone who cares
A person who took in an unwanted kid
She told me to tell her if I was sad
Thats not happening
What will happen if I do?
Will I get yelled at
Will she even believe me.
She says I get to escape
And she is stuck
She wonders why we dont spend time together anymore
Its because I worry
Constantly
I worry that she may misinterpret
What I say
That she may hear attitude
That she will be annoyed when I don't know it
That she will blame me
Start looking for my flaws again
Name them all
Bring them to view
Remind me once again
That I would be an orphan without you.
You tell me that this is how you show your love.
But ten seconds later you tell me how annoyed you are,
That you wish someone else would do it
That I should get out of the house
Get a job
Learn to drive.
I'm 14 I cant do that yet
And believe me
I will
Once i can get a job i will be out of your hair.
Get a car
Learn to drive
So you dont even have to see me.
I feel like I hold you back
Like you could be out enjoying yourself
But instead you are stuck with me.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry that no one else wanted me
I'm sorry that my parents decided to leave
I'm sorry that my own grandfather didnt want me
And I'm sorry that you got stuck with me.
I'm sorry.
I wish I could leave
I tried to when I was 8
I ran away
But you found me and dragged me back
You threatened to send me on a bus and see where I end up.
I didnt forget
How could i when you said it so many times.
I cried but you didnt care you just told me to clam up and go to bed.
You say you love me
But I dont feel it,
You hug me and all I do is tense
And wait for the knife in my back