If I'm being honest
Not lying through a smile
I feel like I'm lost
I have been for a while
Who I thought I would be
The girl of my own dreams
Those visions are invalid now
I can't be me
A captain on the field
Pressure in my heart
As my knee tore again
My life fell apart
No big deal, right?
The college of my dreams
I was supposed to be happy
So bittersweet
The first two weeks
The weeks people get acquainted
I was fighting my body
Proving I could make it
Forced to see a doctor
As my intestines twisted
I was forced into shame
With my new condition
Diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis
There was my new beginning
No matter where I go
My body wasn't listening
I thought I could escape
The pain from my past
What I learned was crucial
My hurt will always last
I wanted a new identity
Away from the one my parents needed
I couldn't be their athlete
Me? Defeated.
See my knee was one thing
My past was another
The day I was truly unhappy
Was when I told you, mother
So scared and confused
Glad it wasn't worse
I think the worst part was
You had no words
For my entire life
You had a speech
Something to get me through
A lesson to teach
This didn't compare
There still aren't answers
My pain is ongoing
It's my disaster
I'm trying to fight
Take it like a champ
The unknown truth
Is that I feel like I can't
I'll drive to the pharmacy
I'll pop every goddamn pill
I have for three months
Yet I still fall ill
What am I supposed to do
Other than cry alone
Swallow my own pain
Like every other pill I know