Please don't think
That I don't love you
Please don't think
That I did not want you
I'm terrified
Please understand
You happened by a point 1 of a
Chance
The doctors didn't expect it
I was supposed to be
Barren
From all the beatings
I still can't comprehend
That you are
Inside of me
I find myself resting my hand
On my bloating stomach already
Out of
Instinct
I know though
That instinct
Is not enough
To make a
Great Mum
The doctor told me
They don't know how
Big you are or
How old you are
Until a scan
I imagine you already with
Dimples and closed eyes
I imagine you already in
My arms
But the sky has to take you
My life has to take yours
I'm not safe now
You are not safe
I can't bring you here
Into a place that is so
Dark
With people surrounding me
That are so cruel
It's a rainy day &
I'm outside without a coat on
Picking all the dasies off the
Earth
Pulling petals
I want you
I want you
I want you
I can't have you
I can't keep you
You have to leave me
People
Think I'm evil
Think I'm disgusting
There is no need to remind me
I already feel
Below the Earth
& I wonder
How I ever deserved to
Briefly be crowned
- A mum.