Previously...
All I gotta say is "Wow! That's a lot of damage!"
Well, here you are. Back at your ship.
Now that you have you're feelings back, you're taking the time to, how do I put this—
MOURN THE LOSS OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL, ANTIQUE SHIP??
You kind of just... lean against a tree, slamming your head into it again and again.
God, why did you ACTUALLY USE IT?
thump.
You knew the engines were delicate!
thump.
How will you get home?
thump.
"The more you do that, the more brain cells I lose."
You turn to your former boss, who looked slightly concerned. "Trust me, I'm losing way more brain cells than you are." You replied, before continuing to slam your head into the tree.
"(Y/N), stop." He grabbed your shoulder. "I have a proposition to make." You sigh. What now? Can't he just let you give yourself a concussion in peace? "How about you stop...whatever you're doing, and I can teach you some ways to commit murder. Seamless schemes. You'd wish you knew these tricks before, trust me."
You stared blankly the phantom before you, wondering if he was messing with you. Snatcher stood there, his hands held out and folded neatly. His grin seemed almost genuine in that moment, and you couldn't really say "No" to that face.
"Great! See you in a bit!" And suddenly, he was gone. Behind you stood your wreck of a ship, something you couldn't fix. But right now, you really need to just focus on getting back to the village.
And like that, you began your strenuous hike through the forest.
•-•-•
"So let me get this straight," you began. "Apple seeds. Goddamn apple seeds, contain cyanide." Snatcher nodded solemnly.
"And what is this 'cyanide' you speak of?" He asked, taking a sip from his drink.
"A lethal poison. And if you grind the seeds up, you can kill someone." You replied obediently. He clasped his hands together happily. "Oh, you've come so far, kiddo." You grinned proudly at him, sitting back on the armchair. The record player provided some nice background sound, crackling out a funky tune.
Snatcher turned to the next page of his book, titled "Committing Murder: Accessibility is Key!". You'd been reading over his shoulder, but had stopped when he reached the chapter on kidnapping. God, that Moonjumper guy really messed you up. There was something actually wrong with him. You shook your head sadly and turned to your ghostly friend.
"Snatcher. Does Moonjumper have Stockholm syndrome?" you asked suddenly. Snatcher looked down at you strangely, his mouth pressed into a thin line. "Way to ruin the mood, kiddo." He grumbled.
"Um- sorry, bud. It's just been bothering me." You said, you embarrassed. Snatcher sighed and closed his book. "Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's come to that conclusion, at least. He's come fairly close to killing off the others, but this is the closest he's ever gotten." Snatcher stated.
"'Others'?"
"Yeah, yeah. I had other partners. You know kid, there's only so long you can go without someone by your side." He replied. "Plus, who could resist my literal devilish charms?" This remark made you chuckle.
You looked up at him curiously. "What happened to them?" You asked. Snatcher set down his drink and fiddled with his claws.
"I'm a ghost. Undead. The dead can't 'die' by natural causes, that is if you don't count 'Moving On'." He stated, his voice slightly tinged with sadness. "The good ones stayed until their last breaths. Others left on their own accord and never returned.
"I like to think that they left this plane of existence happy, so they had no reason to come back. So I'm okay." He stopped messing with his hands and grabbed his drink, which he gulped down quickly.
"What about you? You got to have had at least one lover in you life." He chuckled. You scratched the back of your head nervously.
"It's only fair, I guess." You said. "I was in this relationship with this guy. He was... interesting." You hadn't planned on continuing, but Snatcher insisted that you give him details.
"Well, he was kind of a genius. Like, if I could compare him to anything, it'd be a mad scientist. He'd make all these weird machines... life was always good with him around. At least, it was all good until it wasn't."
You looked at your feet. Your boots looked more battered then you realized. You could actually see your socks sticking out from the toe of your left boot. "He started doing this...drug. He was hooked almost immediately and started to get all these weird ideas for what he called a 'Superorganism'. He became obsessive over this idea and just... snapped."
"A Superorganism?"
"Yeah. He talked about melding minds together to make one...thing. I dunno, we didn't learn about this in medical school." You shrugged. "And before you ask, yes, I went to medical school. I did drop out, so who knows! Maybe I just missed the course."
Snatcher laughed, his face brightening up considerably. You gently leaned you head on Snatcher's arm. "All joking aside, I still have nightmares about him. He was and still is a creep and I'm glad I'm literally worlds away from him right now." Snatcher looked down at you.
"You left him?"
"He got really dangerous and abusive— I had no choice. Sometimes the little fucker still tries contacting me through my laptop and.... HOLY SHIT." You sit up suddenly and jump off the chair, looking out the windows. "OH MY GOD."
Snatcher was left in awe at your sudden outburst. "Wh- what the hell?" He shouted.
"Snatcher, my laptop is still in my ship! I need
to get it back so I can contact my family." Just as you were about to leave, a scream sounded from down the road. Snatcher's surprised expression morphed into one of delight. "It sounds like a fool has fallen into one of my traps!" he said happily. "I've got to go, I'll be back!" You grabbed his claw before he could leave.
"Can I come?" You asked excitedly. Snatcher looked at you skeptically.
"Can you look intimidating?" He asked, smiling slightly.
"Anyone can look intimidating, as long as they have an axe!" You said coyly.
"Touché." The phantom snapped his fingers, and suddenly an axe adorned with his trademark grin appeared in your hands.
"Follow me, kid. I'll show you more on the ropes of murder!" Snatcher said happily, as he led you down the path.
Sadly, no murder would be happening today.
Trust me, something much worse is about to happen.
What if instead of contributing to society I lived in a little cottage in the woods and I baked bread every day for my spouse and we wrote love letters to each other seal with a bee wax seal that we would leave on each other's pillows every day and the only time I'd go into the village would be to buy flour and sugar for my baked goods,,,
someone help im not going back to school and im going absolutely bonkers cause im not allowed to leave