I wait for Tommy at my locker. I spot him awkwardly shuffling around, clearly in some pain. It's almost embarrassing watching him to be honest. He's wearing black sweat pants and another black hoodie. He has a black headband on that's slightly keeping his curls out of his face.
I sigh softly against my locker, feeling my lack of sleep catching up with me slowly. I kinda regret not making any coffee for myself this morning. I tried my best with my clothes though, putting on my black skinny jeans and a grey long sleeve. My hair is down too, so I'm hoping I don't look too tired.
I thought my morning shower would wake me up some more, but ...
"Can I be honest with you?" Tommy said as he approached me.
I shrugged, almost curious about what he has to say, "Sure."
He folded his arms and leaned against the locker beside him, "You honestly look like a guy, but then a girl. You look like both. It doesn't make sense, but trust me when I tell you it's a little unsettling."
I raised my eyebrow, "You mean I'm pretty androgynous?"
He nodded his head slowly, "Uh, and what the fuck is that Joe? You're using big gay words."
I rolled my eyes, "I have masculine and feminine traits jackass."
"Ahh, they have a word for people like you. To think I've been calling you a dyke the entire time makes me laugh. Still fits though."
"Well, I pretty much identify as an androgynous woman. You can stop questioning why I look better than you now," I said as I began to walk away.
He scoffed, "Burn."
Tommy eventually caught up with me. We walked to class, dodging crowds of people. Almost every step he took he whispered an aggravated "ow" and a "fuck this hurts" for some added flavor. As we approached the correct hall of our classroom more students started disappearing behind doors.
"We're coming in hot tango," Tommy said quietly. "Twelve o'clock, straight-ahead baby."
I pulled my mind back into reality and stared straight ahead at a woman in a black blazer and skirt talking to another teacher. I didn't understand what Tommy was talking about until she was done with the seemingly brief conversation and turned forwards again.
A young woman, with gorgeous brunette hair falling past her shoulders. Her soft brown eyes found me for a moment and she walked into the classroom with her black heels.
Tommy sighed, "She's so fucking hot. How do you even concentrate with someone like Ms. Frost walking around."
I didn't know what to say ... I almost hate myself for agreeing with Tommy.
"I guess," I said cooly. "I doubt she's into skinny high schoolers though."
We turned into the bland classroom that already had the projector set up. I was granted a clearer look at Ms. Frost's face in the corner of the room, at her desk, on a Mac laptop, typing steadily.
I pulled my eyes away when I felt Tommy dragging me somewhere to the middle columns of empty seats that would hopefully soon fill up. He went to sit down in the row next to me.
He leaned over and said, "By the way, your body shaming will be irrelevant real soon. I'll be a gorilla by the time I'm done working out with you."
I smirked at his remark. I'm glad he trusts me enough.
As soon as the bell rang a bunch of kids came in, almost pushing each other over scrambling to their seats. Luckily my row filled in front of me. I heard several bags being opened and pencils and pens slapping desks.
I pulled out a folder full of loose-leaf paper and a pen from my bag.
Ms. Frost then stood up and patted down her skirt gently. My eyes followed her slim hands down to her legs. I brought my eyes back up to her face and watched closely, staring at her lips as she prepared to speak.
She spoke, "Good morning everyone. I'm going to start attendance, but before that, I would like to remind you all about the class agreement at the end of the syllabus due by Friday. If you don't have a syllabus please let me know after class ends so I can hand you one."
Her voice is a nice pitch, soft and pretty soothing, but affirmative and confident. Everyone responded in unison. I think everyone is paying attention to her right now, especially Tommy.
My eyes trailed from her face down to her sharp jawline then down to her neck ...
The small amount of cleavage of her chest peaks my interest. Her breasts aren't hidden in that white button-up tucked in her skirt.
I feel a little terrible for checking her out like this. I don't usually stare this hard at any woman. Sometimes I feel like it's better to keep your eyes elsewhere — even if the person is ridiculously attractive.
She started calling roll. I listened to her voice closely, soaking in every word, watching her mouth move. Her straight teeth make it all the better to look at.
I looked around to see some male students dazed in her beauty too. I guess its a real epidemic in here.
I almost forgot I was on that list until I heard my name.
"Is Nova here today?" She asked.
My heart stopped in my chest, but I raised my hand and mustered up the most relaxed "here" I could.
She shifted over to the right to get a clearer look at me and if I wasn't staring so hard at her I would've missed the small head tilt she gave me while her clipboard remained in her hands.
"Jolie?" She said.
"Uh, yes," I confirmed softly. "Nova Jolie."
She smiled and marked something on her clipboard. As soon as she moved away I exhaled the breath I guess I was holding in.
"Frostbite got your tongue?" I heard Tommy say under his breath.
I shook my head and ignored him. He has no idea how bad I want to kick him in his sore ass leg right now.
Ms. Frost put her clipboard down by her laptop and picked up a black clicker, "Today we'll be starting our first official lesson. I heavily advise some note-taking for today."
The lesson started slow, but my mind was sent into overdrive and I suddenly wasn't in class anymore. Ms. Frost was the highlight reel in my head. She's so elegant and feminine. Soft with every step she takes and gentle whenever someone paused her lecture to ask a question.
She gets to the point. No ego, no added big words to make you feel stupid or inferior, no side remarks.
She sits down on a small empty desk to the left of the screen, crossing her legs. She flips her hair to the side, revealing a very shiny stud earring and a gorgeous new perspective of her.
Tony mumbled, "Straight out of a fucking painting."
I covered my face to prevent a snort and a laugh. He's undeniably mesmerized by this woman and so am I. Maybe this year won't be so bad after all.
It wasn't until the end of class that I realized I had taken no notes at all. I quickly searched around me, but everyone was already swarming Ms. Frost's desk.
Tommy slapped my shoulder, "Learn how to multitask Joe."
"I was listening. Not just staring at her." I said quietly.
"Here," He placed his sheet of notes on my desk. "Copy it down later and I want it back tomorrow morning."
I scanned the paper, noticing how terrible his handwriting is. This should be fun.
I started to pack the notes in my folder, "Yeah let me just decipher this ancient handwriting from ten thousand B.C."
"Yeah, I can help. I'm an expert. It says go fuck yourself."
I laughed, "Thanks, Gibson. If I don't understand anything I will be texting you."
"Are we working out today?" He asked. "Please say no."
I stood up to adjust my bag, "No. Tomorrow we are. So get a gym bag ready. You're walking like you have a dildo up your ass, by the way."
"Yeah, a nice fat one because of you. Who knew being pegged fuckin' sucks."
We both busted into a quiet laugh. He held out his fist and in return, I bumped it with mine. He didn't wait up for me since his next class is on the other end of the school.
I zipped my bag shut and threw it over my shoulder. By the time I looked up again, there was no one in class except Ms. Frost. I felt my heart freeze in my chest at the realization.
"Nova? Can you come over here really fast?" She said while staring at me.
I forced my feet to move to her desk. She's sitting down in her chair and watching my every move. I feel so small under her stare for some reason. Her head adjusts to my height.
"I have your syllabus for you," She said handing me the stapled papers, "Mrs. Porter let me know that you were in her office for your meeting yesterday so don't worry about the absence."
"Oh, yeah. Thanks," Was all I could bring myself to say.
I'm too close to her to think. Her brown eyes didn't move from mine. Not even a centimeter. It's almost scary how good she is at holding eye contact.
"Be sure to read through the syllabus. Our schedule for the first half of the semester is in there. We also have a class agreement slip due Friday for some extra points."
I nodded, "Alright, thanks. Um, I didn't miss out on anything important yesterday did I?"
She shook her head, "No. You weren't the first of my students who couldn't make it because of a guidance meeting. I'm not sure why they're scheduling that during class time. Very disturbing for students and teachers."
"I said the same thing," I responded quietly.
Ms. Frost said a soft "Oh!" and quickly ripped a piece of paper and started scribbling on it. I looked around awkwardly, not really sure if I should watch her or not.
"Here," She held out the ripped piece of paper. "A very quick tardy pass that you're probably gonna need because this school is gigantic and I've held you up."
I gently grabbed the paper and didn't realize I overstretched and grazed her fingers. I swallowed and took it quickly. I'm finding the strength in me not to just run out the damn classroom right now.
I cleared my throat and began to wave her off, "Thanks, Ms. Frost. I'll see you tomorrow."
It looked like she was fighting a smile, "Of course."
I quickly made my way out of the classroom. I felt her eyes on my back the entire way. I didn't realize I was gripping the syllabus and the late pass so hard until I looked down at my hands.
Goddammit. I just made a complete fool of myself. Over a teacher. Pathetic Nova. Really pathetic.
✸ ✸ ✸
The day is finally over. The sweet sound of the final bell echoes throughout the entire school. I quickly exit my last class. My brain suffering from exhaustion and my stomach grumbling to no end. I need food and a nap.
I made it out of the school and started heading toward the parking lot in the back of campus. If there's one thing I hate about this school is that there's never any parking close to the actual exit.
The closer I got the more I could see my beautiful Civic gleaming under the sun. Nothing makes me happier these days than that car. I jogged the rest of the way there and stopped in my tracks when I heard distant laughter that sounded familiar.
I looked around, trying to pinpoint it. When I did, my chest tightened and my breath wavered.
It was Willow ... with another girl. The girl was taller than her by an inch or two. Short light brown hair with blonde highlights. She was leaned over Willow, all over her and grabbing her up — just like I used too.
Tommy didn't tell me she was seeing anyone else. Unless he doesn't know. I'm sure he would tell me if he knew ... right?
I tore my eyes away and quickly unlocked my car door, trying not to disturb them and trying not to let them see me. I already feel like a creep for watching them for that long. I just can't believe she's seeing someone else.
We've been through so much together. At one point she told me she was falling for me. I guess it serves me right for just disappearing. She deserves to be happy. It just hurts seeing her happy without me. I don't think I've ever gotten so close to another girl in my life.
I touch the scar on my right eyebrow.
My eyes burn as tears fall down my cheeks. I quickly wipe them away, disliking the feeling of even crying in the first place. I've done too much of that for the past year. I'm tired of it. I'm surprised I even have tears left after all this time.