Setting my foot down, this time firmly and without any tripping, brings a lot of nostalgic memories to my head. This is indeed where it had all began. The day I had bumped into Saloni Neeves; quite literally. The day I came in contact with this woman who quite literally flipped my world. In a matter of day and weeks.
Saloni Neeves was but an ordinary girl at first to me. But somehow, after a various encounter, I was started to feel emotions. Emotions that I had promised to lock away in a stoned box. Hard to break in and difficult to melt away.
Yet, Saloni only needed to open her feisty mouth and her unblinking twinkling brown eyes to make it disperse into flower blooming in spring.
That's what Saloni Neeves had done to me. And if this is true, I had to see her again.
My head turns around from side to side taking in everything. Soaking in the scene before me. Different colours invade the surface of my eyes and reach my brain. Loud announcements of scheduled trains ring into my ears, along with the people's chatter. The sky looms darkly above me. And a breath of coolness heaves through my lips. I'm lost.
Hundreds of people dance their way across the crowd. Somehow even in the crowd, they manage to avoid bumping into each other. I see children running down the stairs of the platform to catch the train I just left. I see old people read the newspaper on the old steel seats. I see a cobbler polish someone's shoes as the person talks to him. In between all this, I stand rigid.
What now?
I had it planned out till here. But beyond this, I know nothing.
I look around helplessly. For some clue. For some push. But I find nothing. I can't see any familiar face. I can't see any signs of the woman who compelled me to come here and see her face. Without even uttering the words, mind you.
Think, Aahan. Think!
I rack my brain for some solution. Every problem has one. This should too. But I can't come up with anything. And so an hour passes by. I find myself idle, on a steel bench, watching the sixth train pass away from the station. Time clicks and yawns away, stopping for nobody. I sit dumbfounded.
I don't know what to do.
And just in the moment of giving up hope, my eyes look up from the ground to meet the surprised look of Sushmita's face. My ex-girlfriend.
"Aahan?"
***
There's one thing I learned while solving the problems of life. A problem never comes in a simple form. It's always more complicated than what it seems. You cannot work on it with one eye closed. Or with just one hand thrust forward. You need two hands. Two eyes. And in some cases, two brains to solve it.
"You're searching for a girl?" Sushmita cocks one eyebrow at me. I shift uncomfortably on the plastic chair of the McCafé. The cappuccino in front of me heaves heat in the winter air. I'm not a fan of cappaciuon. But Sushmita wouldn't know that. She never really got to know me. I never opened up to her comfort.
"I'm searching for a bakery." I chew onto my bottom lip. The embarrassment begins to reach my cheeks. "A bakery that sells mud cakes."
"There are many of that here." She sips onto her cappuccino. "But there's one that's famous for its mud cakes here."
"So, tell me about it?" I tap my knuckles against the table impatiently. My foot taps against the floor, too. And I check the watch on my wrist every counting second.
Sushmita finishes her coffee and lays back onto her chair to examine me from head to toe. I raise my eyebrows and she snorts a laugh through her lips, shaking her head. "I can't believe this."
"What?"
"You're doing this for a girl. That girl."
"And if I am, so what?" I scowl at her. The impatience in me getting the better of my words.
"You said you needed space. You wanted to be left alone with your work. But the fact is you just wanted to love another girl." She scoffs. I rub my fingers against the rim of my cappuccino mug.
"I did need space and time for my work," I admit, then I continue in with the truth. "And even if I am looking for another girl, why do you care? You left me."
"I didn't leave you. I wanted a break. And You know why!" She replies almost immediately and fury rages in her eyes.
"I don't do breaks Sushmita. It's either, you stay with me or leave me alone." I deadpan. The conversation drains the confidence I had of coming here. A few months back I would be begging her to not take a 'break'. Now, all I can think of is this another girl's face, who I really want to see this very moment. To confirm things.
Do I love Saloni Neeves? Is that it? Is that why I crave to see her again? Is that why I came all the way here?
I don't know.
All I know is, looking at the problem is the only way to find an answer.
"You didn't want me on the show, Aahan. You didn't want me to date, other men. That's why I asked you for a break. I'm a model! An actor! I have to work with other male counterparts. It's in my job, for fucks sake!" She sneers, clutching onto the coffee mug. I'm assured that if it had any content right now, it would have been flung over to my face. And so I keep away my coffee mug on the empty chair beside my leg.
"You realise how twisted that sounds? How can I allow my girlfriend to date the guys on my show." I match an equally negative sneer on my face with her. It's unbelievable that we are having this conversation again.
"Oh my god, Aahan!" She groans, cupping her face into the palm of her hands. Then she lifts her head and meets my glare. "What about this girl then?"
"What about her?"
"Why do you want her? Didn't she date the men on your show?" Her tone is that of mocking me. Taunting me. But I feel none of it. I just simply laugh.
"What?!" She clenches her fingers into a fist.
"The thing about her is that she was doing it for me. And what's the difference in between you and her is that you'd be enjoying it, unlike her." I stand up at this. I can swear that at the moment I let my words fall from my lips, Sushmita wishes me dead. Her eyes always spoke louder than her lips did. A few months back I would have grovelled to make her eyes shine kindly towards me. Now I simply couldn't care a less.
Was this Saloni's doing? I have to stick with, I don't know.
"You don't know me." She says after a long pause, her eyes are steady and stern. They never break contact with me. "You really don't know me, do you."
"I do." I shake my head. "Just not the way you wish I did. You showed me a different self. If you knew me," I place the cappaciuon back on the table, thinking of Saloni, "you'd have known that I like Frappuccino more than cappaciuon, at least."
I know, I have wounded her ego. I know, now she wouldn't want to help me. So I begin to make my way out of the McCafé surroundings. But then a hand clasps onto my arm and jerked back in force
"Mama's bakery." Sushmita says, clutching tightly onto my arm. My brown frown looking at her. "Why are you helping me?"
A smile forms on her lips. A wicked smile. And then she leans in closer to me, murmuring the words softly. "Go find her. I want you to know what it feels like." And with that she let's go of my arm and brushes past me.
I look around me. Countless of people have stopped their conversation and are looking at me. Their eyes wander from the exiting back figure of Sushmita to the awkward stance of mine.
But even when I feel chaotic I find a little bit of hope lit inside of me.
Mama's Bakery. Here I come.
Please, wait for me.
***
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