Viraha (Hindi); the realization of love through separation.
C H A P T E R F I F T Y - F O U R
Noah's POV
The moment I heard Matt, everything in my world went rigid, and words left me. I wasn't paying attention to anything else he said on the phone. I had never experienced such unforeseen pain; Jordan took the phone from my hand and finished the rest of the conversation. All I wanted to do was get to her. Nothing else in the world mattered.
"Jordan, get your car," I yelled at him.
"Noah, it is--" I cut him off in the middle.
"I don't give a damn, reach over there with your car," I told him, and he nodded, not arguing with me any further.
Chase and I ran towards her dorm room. My brain was stuttering with thought, and I had absolutely no idea what to do. I ran like my life depended on it because it quite literally did, and I didn't care about anyone else at that moment. I finally saw Sydney in Scarlett's lap, her eyes closed, and Scarlett was crying non-stop.
My feet paused, not having enough determination to take one more step. Ice replaced my spine as I was having my true fears realized. Every breath I took seemed hollow, every place of my life that was filled with light, now there was only darkness everywhere.
"What happened to her?" I heard Chase ask Scarlett.
"I think she overdosed, and she couldn't move her right arm, I think it's fractured," she spoke, between sobs.
My entire body went numb at the word overdose, and then I saw the bottle of pills that I was arguing with her about a few hours ago. I sat down next to Scar, my heart more troublesome than it has ever been. Sydney had never looked so dim; her skin missed the radiance that it seemed to possess all the time. She was so motionless and still, I couldn't even cry. I was so profoundly drowned in denial that I hadn't even reacted to what I saw. I was in a state of disbelief, still hoping that someone would wake me up and notify me of the terrifying dream.
Jordan arrived in his car a few minutes after. "We don't have time to waste waiting for the ambulance, let's go," I said, taking Sydney in my arms in one swift move.
I was shocked at how little she weighed, she was thin, I was aware of that but what the hell? I already knew that I was going to be eating all three meals of the day with her from now on. How are you going to eat meals with her if she doesn't wake up? My mind questioned, and I gritted my teeth, throwing that illogical thought out of my brain. We sat in the car, and Chase and Matt were reaching the hospital in a cab.
Every time in my life, I had faced the loss of a loved one, I was only informed of their loss. They had already left me and the world, leaving me with no choice but to accept that. But this time, I was literally losing the love of my life in front of my eyes. I knew I was strong, but nothing in the world could ever prepare me for something like this. I knew that our fight was worse than it had ever been, but I also knew that I would stop at nothing to get her back and that it was only a matter of time before she came running back into my arms. And, now, this had taken place.
No, she has to wake up. She has no choice; I love her way too much for her to leave me. She cannot leave me.
We reached the hospital, and they took her in, and all of us were left with nothing to do but wait. Scarlett was hugging Jordan and crying still. I resented everyone else's stares and touch. I was just left alone with my thoughts. I asked Scarlett to call Sydney's parents.
Loss was the part of love that nobody warned you about, that if you ever put in a situation where the person who holds your heart faces any kind of harm, it's not only them who is in pain, it's you as well. I had treasured every minute I had gotten to spend with her, my arm always around her waist, my infinite efforts to make her laugh for a few seconds so I would be the one causing happiness to her face, those damningly beautiful kisses that we shared, I was not ready to accept that all of it was going to become only a remembrance in my life.
Love was undoubtedly the greatest feeling in the world, and no one would be able to understand how it truly feels until they themselves are in that spot. How everything seems so much more real, how you begin seeing the whole world differently, how easy it would be for you to place your lover's life before you. But it comes with so many fucking surprises, the loss, the pain, the constant nagging feeling that your entire world can collapse in two seconds if something were to happen to the person who had your heart. It didn't even notify you of a warning; it was like losing the essential part of your own self and not having the power to stop that from happening.
While waiting for the doctor, a wild thought ran across my mind. I borrowed Jordan's car keys. "Wait up, Noah where are you going right now?" Jordan asked, and Scarlett looked up at me.
"Nowhere, I'll be back in an hour or two. Call me if anything happens, yeah?" I said, running down the halls of the hospital, not allowing them to ask any further questions.
I reached my destination in about twenty minutes and got out of my car, gathering all the courage I seemingly owned as I stepped in. I had avoided this place more than anything in my life, blaming all the wrongs of my life on it and turning away from everything related to this aspect of human life.
I fisted my palms as I stepped into the church. I used to come here all the time because my mom loved no other place more, and my feelings mirrored hers at that time. It was precisely the same as before — a beautiful building, engineered with old stone and marble. As I moved further in, the familiar fragrance of candles, withered prayer books, and flowers greeted me. The last time I had walked into this building, I had my mom's hand in one of mine and dad's in the other. I was seven, I had won the first unofficial football match of my life, and I couldn't be more proud. All of it felt so nostalgic, so homely that I was having a hard time keeping my emotions at bay.
After that day, I had vowed not to step back in here because, despite all the praying and faith, he had still taken my mom away from me. But at this point, I was so frightened; I was ready to seek help from wherever I could get it. I couldn't lose Sydney at any cost. I clenched my jaw, not letting even one tear fall out of my eye as I stood where people came with all their worries and left with lots and lots of hope. I knelt and closed my eyes.
"You took away my mom and grams away from me, and yet here I am, you must be overjoyed, seeing me in this state," I whispered, then took a deep breath, remembering the purpose I had actually come here for. "But I'm not here to complain of my loss; I'm here to ask for a favor."
I hated this. I hated feeling so helpless. But, I went on nevertheless. "I might've done something wrong that you took away my mom so early on in life away from me but that girl in the hospital, fighting for life, she can't even think about harming someone, let alone act on it. She represents everything that is right and pure in my world; she doesn't deserve this."
"She trusts you and your ways more than anyone else in the entire world; she has such unbound faith in you that the first thing she would do when she wakes up is thank you. No matter how bad circumstances, her obstinacy in your faith is unbreakable," I said, not being prepared to help the tears that came along.
"She holds too much importance in our life to disappear from it completely. I have never loved anyone with so much passion, call me selfish, but I won't be able to survive without her, don't do this to me again. Return my love back to me, safe and sound, I'm not asking for anything more," I cried, seeking aid — the thought of losing Sydney haunting me too much to stay sane.
I felt a hand on my head, and I looked up to see Father Peter, his eyes fixed on me with a smile on his face. One look at him, and I knew he recognized me right away, he held out a silver chain with a cross and nodded slightly at me as I accepted it from his hand.
I returned to the hospital, and everyone was in the same condition, Matt and Chase had a coffee in their hands, and I saw two people following the doctor into his office, the one who had taken Sydney in. Before I could take one more step, someone caught my collar tightly, restricting the flow of air into and out of my body.
"You asshole, I told you to take care of her, and you promised me you would then how could you let this happen?" Chris roared as I struggled to breathe.
Jordan came and pulled him off me, and Scarlett came and stood by my side. I didn't respond because I had no defense prepared, how could I when it was my fault?
"What? You're not even going to answer me now? How the hell could you let this happen? An overdose, Noah? Even after you know everything, she's been through!" Chris yelled. The expression on his face displayed more disappointment than it did anger, and it was justified, so I didn't say anything.
"Excuse me, sir, this is a hospital, and you're required to maintain decorum here, please lower your voice," one of the nurses was quick to warn us.
"Exactly, Chris, I understand your concern, but you need to calm down. You can't fight in here," Scarlett said, agreeing with the nurse after she had left the scene.
The doctor came out with the two people. He seemed very familiar with both the lady and the man, and Chris quickly rushed over to them. It didn't take me more than a second to realize that they were Sydney's parents once I saw her mom. Sydney was the replica of her with the exclusion of a few features here and there.
"They're her parents, all three of them arrived an hour after you left," Scar whispered in my ear.
I was very nervous since this was the first time I was going to be seeing her parents. I swallowed a lump and wiped the drop of sweat that trickled down my forehead. I went up to them, the eagerness to know what the doctor had said eating me up alive. "Hi, I'm Noah Parker," I said, shaking both of their hands after the doctor had left while Chris continued to glare at me.
"Oh, so, you're the boyfriend," her dad addressed me, not happy about seeing me at all. I put on a small smile. I wasn't expecting them to have one clue about my existence, and they knew exactly who I was. I had blamed Sydney for not being serious about me when she had told her whole family about me.
"Robert, this isn't the time," her mom said slowly.
"I'm sorry, I just came by to ask what the doctor said," I asked meekly, hoping I wouldn't be showered with taunts.
Sydney's mom smiled at me. "Of course, he told us that it was good we didn't bother to wait for the ambulance and brought her here in a car. If Sydney were hospitalized any later, her condition would've been very critical, but she's stable and unconscious as of now," she explained everything, and I exhaled a breath of relief, wrapping my fingers around the small cross that was chained around my neck. "I'm assuming you were the one who brought her in, thank you so much, we're ever grateful," she thanked me, patting my cheek lightly.
"Grateful for what? She wouldn't be in this condition if it weren't for him," Chris snapped, and I didn't disagree one bit.
"We can't change whatever happened, but Chris, he wouldn't even be alright if it wasn't for him," she defended me and walked towards the doctor's office with her husband after paying me a sweet smile. Sydney's dad did not take the trouble of registering my presence at all after having spoken those few words to me.
But at this moment, I couldn't care less about all this. For the past hours, I felt like I was drowning in an ocean, and this news acted as a lighthouse, showing me the direction and way of saving myself. There were no words invented for me to translate upon a page how I was feeling at that instant.
I sat on the chair by the side, and a smile graced my face as Scarlett sat next to me. I swear I had never felt so thrilled upon hearing anything. "She's okay, Scar, she's okay," I said, keeping my fingers over my mouth in disbelief.
"I told you, everything will be alright," she nodded. "Wait, is that a cross you're wearing? You went to church?" she asked, taking the small pendant in her hand.
"I didn't want to take any chances at all," I responded as she laid her cheek against my forearm.
"I can't believe you're the same Noah who used to be allergic to love and relationships," she commented, maintaining a low voice, and I chuckled faintly.
I asked the nurse if I could go into the room just for a little while to see Sydney, and she allowed me after a lot of arguments. I entered the room, and my heart halted at the sight of her. She had a blue hospital gown that was way too large for her little frame. She looked so wan, pale as a late winter's moon. Her face clearly expressed the fact that she had nearly escaped death. The only time I had seen Sydney sleeping was when she was in my arms, secure, where I could see her chest rising and falling softly, and I could hear her heartbeat.
She looked so weak right now; it hurt every muscle in my body to see her in this state. She had a drip connected to her wrist. I touched her hand, and her skin felt so cold and foreign, no more alive. My nails dug into my palm as I watched her lay on the bed, completely rigid and stagnant. I exited the room, not being able to watch her in that state.
It had been twenty-five hours, and I had taken innumerable rounds of the corridor on which Sydney's room resided. I had asked the concerned nurse about Sydney soo many times if I as much as locked eyes with her, she would probably throw me out of the hospital, not that I would ever budge and leave.
I walked around feverishly, everyone else had gone to get a change of clothes just an hour ago, and they would be coming back any moment. It was only me and Sydney's family here, her mom asked me to go as well, but there was no chance in hell I was going to leave for something as menial as changing my clothes. Sleep had abandoned me long back, and I didn't miss it one bit, I could function without sleep for days, unlike Sydney.
I sat down on the chair, and Chris came and joined me a minute later. I looked at him, and he kept his hand on my shoulder and laughed when I flinched. "Hey, man. I just came to apologize. I couldn't think straight at that moment and just the thought of losing her," he said, inhaling a sharp breath.
"Don't worry; I understand what you must be going through," I replied.
"It's just, we already lost Cassie because of drugs, if we ended up losing Syd as well, I don't think any of us could handle it," he said, referring to his parents. "Anyway, mom was right; if you hadn't been there, things would be so much worse, thank you," he raised his eyebrows, completing his apology with a smile.
"You don't need to thank me, Chris, she's my responsibility as well."
"You should go get yourself a coffee or something," he suggested. "I know you've barely eaten anything since yesterday, and honestly, you look like someone tortured you to stay awake for a week straight."
I shook my head no, telling him I didn't need it. "Dude, trust me, it'll make you feel better, and mom told me to tell you this, so you have to go. Also, don't go to the canteen down here; it's shit, there's a coffee shop like two blocks away, get one from there," he advised, patting my shoulder, and I nodded, not being able to refuse out of respect.
I wasn't in the mood to drink anything, but I knew coffee would help me stay awake, so I ordered one of those as I reached the cafe. I paid and was waiting for my order impatiently. Who the fuck takes twenty minutes to make a coffee? Even Starbucks was faster than this.
My phone rang as I was standing there, ideally. It was Matt again, and I picked it up in an instant. "Bro, where the hell are you? Get here, get here right now!" he said with the same urgency as last night.
"Why, holy shit, what happened now?" I asked, anxious. Upon hearing his response, I sprinted across the road, not taking the trouble to collect my order or even look left or right on the street.
"It's Sydney; she woke up."
Author's Note:
I just realized this is the third chapter in a row that I'm ending with Matt calling Noah and telling him, 'It's Sydney.'
I cannot believe I managed to update, and I know this was a filler chapter, but it felt too important to skip. Now, lots of happy things are going to happen; you're going to love the next chapter! But, I really hope you liked this one as well, be expressive, please VOTE and COMMENT!
Alright, I'm out! See you at the next one!
Be nice to nice, F x