Commouvere (Italian); to touch, to affect; to move someone to tears.
C H A P T E R F I F T Y - T H R E E
Noah's POV (Right after Syd left his apartment)
The moment Sydney closed the door, I let out a deep sigh as I unknowingly plopped down on my couch, finding it hard to accept that whatever happened was real. I could hear her crying, right outside and all I wanted to do was go to her, wrap my arms around her and tell her that I can't live without her, that I didn't mean any of those obnoxious words that I had let out of my mouth in a state of rage.
I couldn't hear anything after a few moments, and just like that, I knew she was gone, leaving me all alone, like always. She didn't only withdraw herself from my life; she took my happiness as well because she was that. All I could hear were her words and that she wasn't mine anymore, and the more my mind appeared to dwell in that realization, the more my confidence crumbled.
For the first time in life, I had thrown my cowardice away and dared to love someone so much that I had lost some of myself in her. I was content if I had nothing but her, and now, she was gone. Sydney was gone. I knew I was the one majorly at fault here. I had no right to throw whatever Tiffany told me and accuse her like that. I should've let my mind be the master and sat down and had a peaceful conversation, and instead, my anger took over, destroying the one thing that made life worth.
I felt so horrible for having said all those things to her. The fire of desire fueled by every memory of us that branded deep in me had extinguished itself, taking away my blessing, but every memory of mine with Sydney emerged untouched, still as unsullied as it was when I obtained it. Every touch, every kiss, every reaction of hers when my skin touched hers was so raw to me that it had managed to wake all my fears that watered themselves down from my eyes.
My world was becoming darker than the sky on a stormy day, loneliness crippling every thought of mine, strangling the hope I had saved for happiness. Now that I was broken enough did I realize how thoroughly sharpened my words were, and how they must've shot like daggers at her heart because I had spoken them at such a sensitive moment. The worst part was, I didn't mean any single one of them. How could I ever? She was my love, my home and now, I was lost.
Being admired for your strengths was very easy; it's something the whole world would come down to do if instructed. But being cherished despite and with the complete acceptance of each of the flaws you could possess?
That's what love actually meant. That's what most people yearn for in their life, and I had found that. Even though Sydney hadn't reached on the page that I resided, I knew it was only a matter of time before she would fall for me. There wasn't a chance in the world anyone could stop that because when she looked at me, her eyes held the same sentiment with the same amount of strength that my eyes did when I looked at her. I felt and loved the way her body reacted in my presence, how I could make her go from the most confident woman ever to weak in the knees with just one touch, no average person can hold so much power over you.
There was one more thing that I knew for sure, no matter what happened in life, there was no way my heart would know anything easier than loving her. She had acquired an infinite amount of space that my heart and mind didn't seem running out of. There was no way I could feel anything other than love for her. When I met her, I had thought of myself as incapable of feeling an emotion such as love, specifying my heart as cold. When I was with her, she had made me aware of my profoundly hidden capabilities, making my heart strong and brave, and now that she had left me, it was simply broken.
All of this had started because she came to know about me and Tiffany and there was no way in hell I wasn't giving the person responsible what he deserved. I picked up my phone and headed towards the cafe to find Sebastian. When I arrived, I saw that he was sitting inside. I raced towards the door and passed all of my friends, not noticing any of their greetings.
I pounced at him and caught his collar, making him stand as the book in his hand fell on the table. "You, son of a bitch, you knew it, didn't you? You knew she didn't know anything about this, and you still told her!" I roared.
Jordan and the rest of my friends came rushing in. Jordan pulled me away from Sebastian as he tried to regain his breath, coughing vigorously. "What the hell, Noah?" Jordan whispered.
"No, I didn't know that she had no idea about this. I wouldn't deliberately go out of my way to tell her all this; I didn't know!" Sebastian answered, defending himself, and I laughed at his pitiful response, freeing myself from Jordan's hold.
"You, lying sack of shit, I swear--" I threatened, and Scarlett cut me off.
"Okay, Noah, calm down. Can anyone tell us what's going on?" she asked and I noticed Matt and Chase standing behind her with a worried expression on their faces. "What did he tell Sydney? What happened?"
I knew there was no way they wouldn't come to know whatever the hell was going on. So, I figured why not just end this? "That Tiffany and I were almost a thing," I spoke slowly, not bothering to register anyone's shocked expression.
"Not almost a thing, you dated for about two weeks, and you almost slept with her," Sebastian corrected me, and his gaze held the amount of anger that my glare towards him did.
"We didn't date, we hung out and I bet you had a lot of fun telling Sydney about all this, didn't you?" I snapped, not being able to take all this anymore.
Sebastian clenched his jaw. "Believe it or not, I wasn't aware of the fact that Sydney didn't know anything. Otherwise, why would I do something like this? I only went there be--" he stopped speaking, shifting his eyes to something behind. I turned around and saw Tiffany standing there. "Oh, look, Tiffany's here!" Sebastian exclaimed.
She came and stood next to her boyfriend. "Tiffany, did you know that your boyfriend went to Sydney and told her about you and me? Sydney had no idea about anything at all," I said.
"Yeah, so?" Tiffany said nonchalantly, and I had to bit the inside of my lip to stop myself from bursting out. Was she actually being serious right now? That's what she had to say?
Sebastian looked shocked, as well. "What do you mean by that? I was having a hard time adjusting with this whole thing, and you told me that I could talk to Sydney because she knows as well. Why would you say that?" Sebastian questioned. That really tipped me off, but Jordan held me back from doing anything stupid.
"Because she knew very well that Syd didn't know anything, and she wanted to make sure Syd did, but what I can't understand is why you wanted to do something like this?" Scar raised another question, putting my mind into words.
"Because Sydney deserved to know," Tiffany said, conveying a dumb excuse.
"Tiffany, we promised we would never say anything about what happened between us, and I understand that you broke that promise because you didn't want to lie to Sebastian, but you had no right to let Sydney know anything. Over there, it was my story to tell, not yours," I argued with her. "And while we're talking about deserving to know, Sebastian did you know that it was her idea for us to go out and she made the first move by kissing me, and I stopped it because it seemed way too weird to me and if I hadn't," I tilted my head to the side, leaving it to Sebastian to fill in the rest. Tiffany's hardened gaze stay put on me.
"Noah, that was totally out of line," Jordan whispered in my ear.
"No, Jordan, what she did was out of line, she had no right to come between me and Sydney," I replied, speaking my mind and not breaking the gaze that me and Tiffany had managed to maintain.
"How are you still siding with Sydney after I told you what I found out? After she hid something like that from you?" Tiffany said, and I laughed in utter disbelief while Scarlett looked stunned.
"Okay, Tiffany, let me clarify something. Sydney's my girl, no matter what happens, I'm always going to defend her," I said, pouring all the confidence I had left into my words. "And are you seriously telling me that you're pissed with her because she took her own time in telling me what happened with her? I can't believe I trusted you and accused her like that, but just to let you know, it wasn't Gavin. He didn't do anything. In fact, I should be falling at that guy's feet out of gratefulness because Gavin's the one who saved her, Tiffany, if he wasn't there," I paused, not having the courage to end that sentence.
"Saved Syd from what? What happened to her?" Scar asked, curiosity evident in her eyes.
"I can't tell you that, Scar, it's not my story to tell. It's Sydney's, so if and when she tells you, you'll know," I responded calmly, not wanting to hurt anyone else's feelings.
"I get it, you're right," Scar agreed. "Wait, is that why you were acting so bitchy with Syd? Because you came to know something about her, and she didn't tell Noah about it?" she asked, aiming her gaze at Tiffany.
"You did what? When the hell was this?" I exclaimed.
"It was on your birthday, Syd came to talk to me when you went out with your team. She told me that you told her you love her and that she didn't want to say it back until she completely meant it. And Tiffany dropped into our conversation and told Syd not to hurt you in an extremely bitchy tone," Scar elaborated, and I turned to Tiffany.
"She's twisting whatever happened. I wasn't being bitchy to her, I just asked her what her problem in saying it back was when she thinks you're such a nice guy and I told her not to hurt you, that's it," Tiffany protected herself with an explanation, and I heaved a sigh was.
"Tiffany, you don't even have the right to speak between Sydney and I, let alone meddle in our relationship! And don't you speak to my girl like that ever again," I warned sharply.
"She was just looking out for you, man," Sebastian said, jumping to her support.
"And I just said that she shouldn't meddle in my relationship. I'm responsible enough to look out for myself, I don't need someone else doing that for me," I presented my point.
Tiffany stifled out a laugh. "I don't know what you're getting so worked up for, do you know that she was barely on the same page as you? In fact, I don't think she was ever going to tell you she loves you because she didn't love you, and she took you for granted. Honestly, you could do a lot better than her," she said, raising her eyebrows at me, and I feigned a smile at her.
Was she trying to make me hit her? I felt more hurt than offended that Tiffany would say something like this. She's known me since I've been in this university and she knows that I despise it when people openly express their opinion about my personal life and yet she went along and said something like that. I had a limited set of people who were actually close to me, and they knew me well enough to know that when it comes to my privacy, I don't tolerate anyone's bullshit, Tiffany knew that better than anyone.
"I'm going to pretend as if you didn't just utter those words and let it slide, but you couldn't be more wrong, Tiffany. She never took me for granted, and I could never do better than her," I retorted, not having the capability to tolerate any false words about Sydney.
"And I don't give a fuck if she was on the page as me or not, if she was halfway there or full way there, if it took her two years or ten years to tell me that she loves me. That's my problem, I'm the one who has to wait for her, and I was ready to do that, however long it took, but you didn't even give me enough time to do that. You think I can do better than her, right? Well, congratulations, you got your wish. She broke up with me, Tiffany, she left me," I spoke, a tear falling down my cheek.
Scarlett and came and stood in front of me. "You both broke up?" she mumbled disbelievingly.
I hugged her right that instant. "She broke up with me, Scarlett. Sydney left, and I don't blame her, I said so much shit to her. So many things I didn't mean and I heard her crying the moment she left my apartment, but I didn't have the courage to go to her, I didn't have enough courage to look at her when I was the one who made her cry like that," I said, tears falling on Scarlett's shoulder.
I continued as she ran her hand up and down my back to soothe me. "I can't do this, Scar. I hate myself for being so rude to her. I can't live without her, I love her, I really do, and it's barely been an hour, and all this breakup shit hurts so bad," I told Scarlett, and she looked like she was ready to join me in crying.
"Noah, don't worry. She can't survive without you either, she needs you just as much," she said, trying to comfort me, but at this point, nothing was working. "Everything will be alright."
Scarlett turned to Sebastian. "Sebastian, I think it's best if you leave with Tiffany right now; I'm sorry, I don't wanna be rude, but," she requested.
"No, I understand what you're saying," Sebastian agreed with her and left with Tiffany, I didn't even acknowledge how longingly she was looking at me.
"Okay, Jordan and Chase, I need you to stick with Noah, don't leave him alone, please," she instructed, and my best friends nodded. Then she turned to me. "Noah, I know you just broke up, and I should stay with you, but in all honesty, Syd needs me more right now, so, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna," she said apologetically, pointing her thumb at the door.
"You don't need to apologize. You're right; just make sure she's okay," I pleaded with Scar, and she assured me she would.
"Matt?" I called, as he stood there, lost in thought. He instantly looked at me, full of surprise, probably because it was the first time I was addressing him by his name. "You should go with Scarlett as well."
"Yeah, of course, you don't need to tell me that," he paid me a small smile.
I called Matt the moment they stepped out of the door. "Matt, just ring me once you reach there, just to let me know that she's okay, please?" I asked, and he nodded understandingly.
I sat there on the chair with my hands in my hair, anticipation eating me alive. I knew there was no point in going to Sydney right now; I had upset her so much that she needed a little time. If I did go now, she wouldn't listen to a word I say. It was five minutes after, and my phone rang. It was Matt, and I picked it up without a second thought.
"Hey, is she alright?" I asked.
"Noah, get here, get here right now," Matt spoke, urgency filled in his tone.
"Why? What happened?"I asked, hoping with everything that my girl was alright. But the moment I heard his response, my whole world came crashing down.
"It's Sydney."
Author's Note:
Sorry, the update got prolonged! I know y'all wanted to know what happens next, but I feel like Noah's POV was essential in this situation!
I worked my ass off for my Psychology, and it was utter shite, so that's that. Be expressive; please vote and comment. I could really use it today! :(
Thank you for bearing with me and reading the book so far. I love you, fam. See you at the next one!
I'm more grateful for y'all than you'll ever know, F x