Robert closed his eyes, choking a scream as he tried to keep back the upcoming tears in his eyes.
"Damn", he muttered scarcely audible.
I ran my fingers through his hair and gently kissed his forehead.
"Hold on, Robbie", I whispered, stroking the back of his hand before I slowly moved away and exited his room.
"Don't you think you've been a little harsh back in there?", Tom asked carefully as he watched Liz nervously walk around, running her fingers through her hair, "I know, you mean well but..."
She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. And for a second, I thought her hands were shivering like Robert's when he had had another anxiety attack.
"Stop, Tom", I mumbled and gently touched his shoulder.
"Liz, are you okay?", Tom continued quietly.
She nodded quickly and pressed her hands into her hips.
"Yeah, just gimme a second", she countered and took a deep breath.
She struggled to catch her breath until her hands stopped shivering.
"Do you want me to get a doctor?", he wanted to know and anxiously looked at her.
"No", she mumbled, running her fingers through her hair as she faked a smile, "I'm okay again."
"What happened?", I asked curiously as soon as she calmed down.
"I was just... Having an anxiety attack", she explained still catching her breath.
"What happened to you?", Tom repeated my question with his soft British baritone voice, "Was it because of Robert?"
She stared down at the ground like she was able to escape all of this.
"Not directly", she answered after a few seconds, a weak smile on her lips, "He just... It's hard to explain. Uhm... Everything just reminds me of my father and... Well, I thought I was over it but actually I'm not."
She finally looked up again, her eyes filled with tears.
"You don't have to answer my question because we barely know each other", Tom offered politely, "But if you want to tell me I'll gladly listen to you."
For a while, they remained in silence, both of them sitting down on the chairs in the hallway.
"It is maintained that I'm a good listener", he added smirkingly and made her laugh immediately.
"Well, when I was young my father had a kiosk", she explained then, "My little sister and I often joined him and bore him company at work. I considered this as the best time of my life..."
Tom smiled at her, closely listening to her story.
"One day- I was six, my sister was four years old- dad was about to close when a guy, totally drunk, entered his kiosk with a gun in his hand", she continued apathetically, "He told us to hide in the backroom and stay there until he'd approach us again. He tried to talk to that guy because he always believed in the good in everyone. Retrospectively, really naïve... Then I heard a shot and the next thing I remembered was seeing my father in a pool of blood, my sister crying in the backroom until the police approached us."
"I'm sorry for your loss", Tom whispered as their fingers slightly touched each other's, making them look into another's eyes immediately.
"It's okay", she mumbled quietly and half smiled at him, "It's just... He didn't have a choice. But Robert had. He's a chancer. He had the choice and took the chance. He dices with death all the time like he wants to die so badly. But my dad just wanted to protect me and my sister, losing his life in doing so. In such times, life doesn't seem to be fair..."
He carefully stroked the back of her hand with his finger, making her smile immediately.
"The human life is made up of choices", he said with his soft voice, "Yes or no? In or out? Up or down? To Live or to die? Live or die, that's the important choice, and it's not always in our hands."
She looked up to him, staring right into his blue eyes.
"I know, it seems like Robert was a chancer", he continued then, "But trust me, if you had met him earlier you would have seen how he loved his life, not just his but life in general. He was buoyant. And the credit belongs to Kate. Because she showed him the real life, she showed him the beauty of life. He was happy. But when she died... All of the joy and happiness in his life disappeared with her."
My eyes filled with tears.
"I don't expect you to understand his situation right now", he added quietly, "But I want you to know he has not always been like he's now. Life has left its mark on Robert. He's broken, his heart is shattered into a million pieces."
We laid down on the grass, looking up to the sky, the moon shining brightly at the starry firmament, lighting up the dark. Our fingers intertwined and I blushed immediately.
I turned to the left to see Robert's caramel eyes already regarding me closely, a roguish smile on his perfect lips.
"What?", I asked and couldn't help but laugh as I saw him like that.
"Nothing", he shrugged, smiling from one ear to another.
"You're staring at me, Robbie", I said and giggled like a teenage girl.
"Robbie?", he repeated in surprise, raising his eyebrows, and chuckled, "No one has ever called me like that."
"Well, I do", I countered jokingly and quickly kissed his cute snub nose, "You should get used to it."
Seductively, he bit his bottom lip and gently tucked a strand behind my ear.
"God, you're so beautiful", he mumbled while his hand rested on my cheek, "I know, I keep repeating myself but I just can't believe this is real."
"I know a way to proof this is real", I suggested smirkingly, "You just gotta stop staring at me and kiss me instead."
"Anything the lady asks for", he agreed before he pulled my head towards his firmly and kissed me passionately.
Immediately, I buried my fingers in his dark brown hair, kissing him right back.
"I love you", I suddenly whispered as we paused in the desperate need for some oxygen and quickly covered my mouth as soon as I've said those three words, "See? I've said it. I love you, Robbie. I could repeat it again and again because I'm no longer afraid of it. I love you."
He half smiled at me, his eyes shining like thousands of little diamonds.
"And I love you", he whispered back before he kissed me once more, "You're the best that has ever happened to me, Kate. And I'd be stupid if I ever let you go again."
"Then don't", I encouraged him, making him smile immediately.
"That's what I wanted to hear", he replied quietly and gently kissed my forehead in this protective way that made me feel safe and loved.