We were in Stan's car. He was honking the horn because someone was blocking his way. I looked over to Mabel who put on some nachos on her ears as earrings.
"Haha! Nacho earrings. I'm hilarious!" She said as me and Dipper laughed a little
"That's debatable. Aw, come on, what's with all this traffic? And why is it all...covered wagons? Oh no! No! No! Not today! Not today!" Stan started to panic as I looked out the window. Oh god. I forgot about this day.
"Grunkle Stan, what's going on?" Dipper asked him as Stan started to panic
"We gotta get outta here. Before it's too late!" He said as Dipper had a scared look on his face.
"Chill out. Stan is freaking out because today is Pioneer Day." I explained as he looked at me with a confused expression.
We all walked out of the car. "Ah, boy. It's Pioneer day. Every year these weirdos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded." I explained to the twins. I personally despised this holiday. I found it meaningless and totaly no fun. I mean what actually is fun about going back like 200 years in time. I mean I am pretty sure they didn't even have soap back then.
"Welcome to 1863!" Toby said as he walked past us.
"I will break you, little man!" Stan said to him
"Wow! Look! Candle dipping!" Unlike me Mabel was amazed by this thing.
"Whoa, gold panning!" Dipper said.
Me and the twins saw a man with a woodpecker on his arm. He tried to kiss it. "What's that?" Mabel asked me.
"Back then it was legal to marry woodpeckers for some reason." I explained
"Oh, it's still legal." The man said as he passed by us petting his new wife i guess.
"Come one and all for the opening ceremonies!" Someone announced. The twins looked excited.
"Grunkle Stan, you coming?" The twins asked him.
"No, thank you! Just remember if you come back to the Shak talking like these people, you're dead to me." He told us
"There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!" Dipper said.
"Well hornswabber my haversack!" Mabel added as I just watched in disgust.
The twins started to run off and i followed them
"Dead to me!" I heard Stan shout after us.
"Here-ye, here-ye! Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence." One of the policemen on the stage said.
"Howdy, everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town-founder, Nathaniel Northwest. I'm also very rich." Pacifica said as she came up on the stage. "Now if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you come on up and introduce yourself." suddenly i felt Mabel cheer up. I don't know how but I felt it.
"Audience participation!" Mabel gasped
"Mabel come on think about it. She is like the worst of the worst."
"Oh pshhhh. It's alright!" And so she went on the stage.
"Our first newcomer is... Mabel..." she said angrily.
"Yeah! Let's get this Pioneer Day started! Right guys? USA! USA!" Mabel said.
"I'm sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous. I mean, a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?" I was about the go on the stage and end Pacifica right then and there but Dipper grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.
"Come on no need to get angry. There is a more humane way to do this" he said to me as I just rolled my eyes.
"Hey, I can be serious!" Mabel tried to make an angry face but it didn't work.
"You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hon." Pacifica laughed. "Haha, wow, I'm embarrassed for you. Give her a hand everybody!" She told the audience as everyone laughed and cheered. Mabel ran of the stage. "Now who wants to hear more about me?" Pacifica asked.
Me and Dipper went over to Mabel. "Hey, you okay?" I asked her
"I need some old-timey butterscotch." She said as she got some candies and ate one of them. "Guys, can I ask you something? Do you think I'm silly?" Mabel asked us as me and Dipper looked at eachother.
"Uh, nnnoooo?" I finally replied
"I knew it! The nacho earrings, the sweater. I thought I was being charming, but I guess people see me as a big joke" she said as she threw her earrings and took off her sweater.
"C'mon, Mabel, you love that sweater!" I told her.
"I did before Pacifica ruined it for me. She ruins everything!" Mabel said. I felt bad for her.
"Pacifica! Why does she think that being related to the town founder means she can treat everyone like garbage. Someone needs to take her down a peg." Dipper said as he suddenly remembered something. "Wait a minute! I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before." He opened the journal. "Of course! Oh, this is perfect." He started reading in a deep voice. "In my investigations..." he stopped after I gave him a weird look. "Shou- should I do the voice?" He asked me and Mabel
"Please don't" I told him as he started reading normally again.
"In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the true founder of Gravity Falls! I believe this secret is emburied somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code." He got out a map. "Oh, man! If this cover-up is true, it means Pacifica's whole family is a fraud. This could be a major conspiracy!" I saw that Mabel was getting hyped.
"We have got to investigate this!" I told Dipper.
"Wait! I'm coming with you. Conspiracies are serious, right?" Mabel asked as me and Dipper just nodded. "Well, if I help you crack this code, then nobody could call me silly again!"
"Soo.. Mystery trio?" I asked
"I thought you hated that." Mabel asked me.
"Starting to get used to it" I told her as we went on with our journey.
We decided to go to the library to research about the past of the town. "Alright, Girls, if we can prove Nathaniel Northwest wasn't the real founder of Gravity Falls, it will finally put Pacifica in her place." Dipper said as he looked through some old books.
"And solving a mystery will prove that I'm not silly. I'm serious. Seeeeriousss..." she said as she ate a piece of candy.
"We just need to crack this code. Let me see... it's not Egyptian, it's not numerology, it's not, wait-of course! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame. Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!" Dipper said as he put some sludes in a projector. I gave him an unsure look.
"Uhh Pines. I don't think that's a great Idea. You sure there isn't anything else we can do?" I asked him but he already took a candle.
"Come on it's obvious, let's just light this sucker up and--- Mabel!" He looked at Mabel who was wearing the map as a hat.
"Mwop! I just made a hat. Ugh, I just did something silly again." She said as I looked more closely at the map.
"Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map!" I said happily.
"And I was gonna burn it..." Dipper said as he took the map in his hands and examined it.
"We're on the lookout for two kids who might be reading." I heard the police officers say. "We're hunting them down for secret reasons!"
I quickly dragged Mabel and Dipper under the table. "Maybe we should take this elsewhere..." i told them.
We managed to sneak out of there without beeing caught. We followed the map and ended up infront of the Gravity Falls museum.
We walked in and a nice lady gave us balloons. "And here are your free Pioneer Day passes, and your balloons, blue, pink and white" she said as she gave each of us a balloon.
"What are we gonna do next, steal Thomas Jefferson's rib cage?" Mabel asked as we were looking around.
"Ewww, no. According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right... here!" We stopped infront some kind of a painting. I didn't really understand art.
"We've gotta figure this one out quick, I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books..." I told the twins. All of us started looking at it.
"So what is it anyway?" Dipper asked.
"Hey painting, be less stupid! It worked!" Mabel suddenly said. Me and Dipper turned around to face her. She was on the bench upside down. We did the same as her.
"I think I've seen that statue at the cemetery." I said as we got up and ran to the door.
We arrived at the cemetery. We were looking around the statue for clues. "The statue is probably pointing to the next clue" I said.
"Oh, gross! She's picking my nose! Ha ha!" I saw Mabel who was standing next to the statue with the statue's finger being in her nose.
Suddenly something clicked and a secret passage opened.
"Ha! Who's silly now, Pacifica? Bam!" Mabel said as we all went down.
"Okay, look out for booby traps." Dipper said as Mabel laughed.
"Ha! Booby traps." Mabel said as she stepped on a tile. It triggered some kind of mechanism and lots of darts started flying in our direction.
"Tranquilizer darts!" I told them as we ran to the end of the hallway trying to avoid getting hit.
"PINES LOOK OUT" I shouted at Dipper and pushed him out of the way before a drat was able to hit him.
We rolled down a path. We ended up in a room filled with different artefacts.
"Oh god I don't feel too well" I said as I sat down.
Dipper walked behind me and took out a dart that had hit me. "Well I guess we know why. Do you think you are able to stand up?" He asked me.
"Oh come on what is one dart going to do" I tried to get up but immediately fell down. I heard mumbled voices and then everything faded to black.
------
I hear loud voices talking. I opened my eyes and saw the twins and some other guy watching me.
"Uhh. Good morning?" I said "Who are you?" I asked the man.
"Em this is Quentin Trembley. The eighth-and-a-half president of the United states" Dipper explained.
"This doesn't make sence but who am I to judge. After all this is a poorly written fanfic" i said as the twins looked at eachother wondering what I was on about. "Anyways how exactly are you alive though?" I asked the president.
The twins explained everything to me. Great now all we had to do was plan a way to escape.
"In order to get out of here, this is going to take the silliest plan ever conceived." Quentin said.
"Hmm. How 'bout... that hole?" Mabel pointed to a tiny hole in the wood crate.
"We will leap through it!" Quentin said as him and Mabel went to the hole and tried to go through it.
"I'm not sure this is working." I said as I watched them.
"Fiddlesticks! Keep going!" Trembley said. "Is that my third wife? Sandy?" He suddenly said as the crate fell apart. I guess that somehow worked.
We walked in the train and saw one of the police officers. We quickly ran to the roof of the train to try to escape.
"Sheriff Blubs, do you really want to lock us all up in a government facility somewhere?" Dipper asked.
"THEY WANNA DO WHAT NOW?" I asked him. Now thats a detail he missed when he was explaining what happened.
"I've got no choice! Our orders come from the very top!" The sheriff replied.
"Wait! Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?" I asked Trembley.
"No, yound lady. I ate a salamander and jumped out the window." That was our chance.
"Then... technically you're still legally the President of the United States, right? You've gotta answer to this guy now!" I told the officers as they both looked shooked.
"As president of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened. And- and go on a delightful vacation" Quentin said as the policeman looked really excited.
"Vacation? What place have you always wanted to visit? One, two--"
"Silly Water Fun Slides in Grand Lakes, Michigan!" Both policemen said in sync.
And so they let us go.
------
We were back in the city.
"You've done a great service to your country, Mabel. As thanks, I'd like to make you an official U.S. congressman." Trembley said as he gave Mabel a top hat.
"I'm legalizing everything!" She said as I laughed a little.
"And Roderick, Eva" he turned to us.
"Uh actually-" Dipper tried to correct him but I stopped him. It didn't really matter.
"You two are on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land. So I'd like you to have my President's key!" He said as he handed me his key.
After that we decided to take a walk. Quentin was telling us about his adventures. "And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk." He told us as me and the twins laughed.
Mabel saw Pacifica and decided to go up to her. "Hey, Pacifica! I uncovered a government conspiracy about the eighth-and-a-half president of the United States! Who's silly now?" She told her.
"What? Who is that idiot?" She was referring to Quentin.
"The eighth-and-a-half president of America. How is he still alive? Well, turns out you can hibernate in peanut brittle and it--" Mabel tried explaining but Pacifica just laughed.
"Wow! You really are a sad, dumb little girl. Nice top hat, by the way." She laughed and left.
"Aren't you gonna tell her about her ate-gray ampa-gray?" Dipper told her as she just shook her head.
"You know what, Dipper? I've got nothing to prove. I've learned to see silly as awesome!" I smiled.
"That's very wise Mabel. I'm proud of you" I said.
"Well, I haven't learneda nything! Hey, Pacifica!" Dipper went to chase after Pacific's car. Oh god.
He came back after I heard Pacifica arguing with her parents. "Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!" He said as I chuckled a bit.
"Children, I am needed elsewhere. Just know that I'll always be right here... On the negative twelve dollar bill." He gave the bill to Dipper.
"Whoa. This is worthless." He said after looking at it.
"It's less then worthless, my boy. Trembley away!" And so he jumped on a horse and disappeared in the distance.
"Where do you think he's going?" I asked Dipper.
"I'm gonna say... off a cliff." He replied.
------
We decided to look for Stan and we found him locked.
I got out the President's key and tried to open the lock. It actually worked. "Woah that's actually pretty cool" I said more to myself after putting the key away.
"So what's with the top hat?" Stan asked Mabel.
"I am a congressman." She replied.
"Pardon me?"
"You are officially pardoned." She said as all of us laughed.
"Oy! You a never gonna make sense, are you, kid?" Stan asked.
"No, I'm not, Grunkle Stan. No, I'm not. Mabel, away!" She jumped backwards and crashed into some crates and barrels.
"I'm okay!" She said as me and Dipper went to help her.
A/N
No drawing this time because I didn't have the inspiration to edit a character today. I promise there will be one next time! Bye~~