Chapter 73: Meeting Jon...Jak
Hahahahaha.
White trash.
Bro bashing.
Super funny moment because it's so awkward.
Everybody laugh!
Jim did not laugh.
He lost his temper. Whether it was the stress of returning home to resentful children, or Eric's historical advances towards Ariel, or this stupid snooty restaurant, Jim snapped.
As the Triton's lightly snickered, Jim reached for the champagne. Grasping the neck, he pulled the bottle from the ice bucket, took a step towards Eric and –
"Jak!"
Eric saluted as Jak reappeared. The greeting was cheesy and grandiose, but it forced Jim to pause. Eric leered delightedly as Jim stopped, silently daring him to 'finish the thought.'
Jim really wanted to. Nothing would gratify him more than to shove the champagne bottle up Eric's ass.
But Jak was watching. And any chance Jim had of reconciling with his son would be wasted by a champagne bottle stuck in Eric's colon.
Very slowly, Jim returned the champagne bottle. He glared lethally at Eric as it crunched through the ice.
Eric knew he had won.
"Relax, Hawkins," Eric tapped Jim's shoulder as he passed, "It's just a joke. Besides, it would be impossible to kill you socially with such a beautiful wife, right? Oh come on, no need to scowl. We're family now, just having a little fun. Ah Jak!"
Eric seized Jak's forearm. He gave a hearty, overly affectionate shake. "Well received Master Sergeant, it's been a long time! The navy has missed you seaside but Admiral Triton tells me your leadership training is going well! It's great to see you again, son!"
Son?! Jim looked at Ariel in disbelief. His fingers itched again for the champagne bottle. Ariel remained calm, but her trident glowed an angry red. Even Admiral Triton lifted a brow.
Jak, for his part, appeared to have gauged the entire situation and decided to treat all parties with equal neutrality.
"Captain," he responded, eyes flicking between Eric and Jim. "How are you, sir?"
"Ah, no need to call me sir !" Eric shook harder, as if the display would animate their conversation. "Uncle Eric is fine! Hell – Eric probably seems more natural to you, right? I'm a navy sailor and you're a marine! We're basically the same!"
That got a little smirk from Jak. While it was true that marines sailed on naval ships, there was a historic feud between the Navy and the Marines. The Marine Corps thought it was better than the Navy, and the Navy thought it was better than the Corps.
But Jak knew the truth: Everyone was equal. They were all on the same team.
Just kidding: Sailors were cry babies. Marines were the best. Nice try Uncle Eric.
Admiral Triton rerouted the conversation, as a seasoned officer does. Assuming that Ariel was hungry (she was), he recommended they be seated for the first of a seven course meal.
"Here we go..." Jim drew Ariel's chair. "Une apéritifs."
Everyone sat. Jak seated himself peripherally to Ariel and Jim, separated only by Admiral Triton. It was actually a strategic move. If Ariel and Jim wanted to talk with him, they would have to lean around Admiral Triton to hold a conversation.
Ariel patted Admiral Triton as he served her champagne. "Daddy, where is Melody? Shouldn't we wait for her?"
Admiral Triton paused. He glanced fleetingly at Jak, who didn't react. Ignoring Jim's stare, he finished pouring.
"Ariel," he said, gently changing the subject, "I don't think you've met your nieces and nephew yet, have you? As you can see, your sisters have brought their children, just so they can meet you. Let's go around the table and introduce everyone, shall we? And then..."
Admiral Triton nodded firmly at Jak, "Then you can meet your son."
It took three courses to introduce the next generation of Tritons. Jim only paid attention to Attina and Kocoum's children, because (1) he liked Attina and Kocoum and (2) because they only had two: a boy named Sky and a girl named Muriel.
Sky was the oldest of the Triton cousins. He also was the only boy, besides Jak.
The rest were girls.
Giggly, annoying girls.
Unsurprisingly, Eric and Arista's offspring were the worst. They had three sets of twins. Each girl introduced herself, but all Jim heard was I'm Brat 1, I'm Brat 2, I'm Brat 3, I'm Brat 4, I'm Brat 5, and I'm Brat 6.
"My name is Marilla. I'm twelve. Marella is my twin, but she's jealous because I'm a natural blonde."
"My name is Marella. Marilla is my twin, and she's jealous because my eyes are actually green. I don't need colored contacts like some people."
"My name is Orca. I'm fifteen. Hydra is my twin. We're kinda bitches."
"My name is Hydra. Orca is my twin. Yeah, we kinda are bitches."
"My name's Aqua, I'm sixteen - the oldest. And the prettiest."
"My name's Laguna. I'm Aqua's twin. She was born 3 minutes earlier, but I'm actually the prettiest. Ask my Mommy and Daddy. They named this restaurant after me."
Admiral Triton explained. "Le Mermaid Lagune is under proprietorship of Attina, Arista, Aquata, Andrina, and Alana . As restaurateurs, they own and manage this restaurant."
"Cool!" Ariel refilled her glass, "So dinner's on you girls then, right? Waiter, can we get a round of gold infused champagne?"
Attina smiled appreciatively. Arista laughed loudly then looked blankly at Eric. "I don't get it."
Ariel and Admiral Triton shared an exasperated smirk. Shaking his head, Triton placed a hand on Jak's shoulder.
"And last, but certainly not least, we have Master Sergeant Jak Triton, officer of His Majesty's Marine Corps and hero of Fantasia."
"A.K.A.," Ariel leaned kindly over the table, "Second captain of the Second Star, Jon Hawkins."
The silence fell like a stone. Jak stared at his champagne glass. He hadn't touched it during the introductions, so the effervescence had gone flat. His silence grew into an uncomfortable tension that Jim was about to break, just as a line of waiters appeared for le plat principal.
"Mesdames et Messieurs." The waiters bowed, "Are we ready to select our main course?"
Their timing was impeccable. Le Mermaid Lagune waiters were trained to recognize tension and dissolve it immediately. True to form, the Tritons were all given menus, each individually delivered by their own personal waiter.
"I've already had 400 calories today..." Marilla flicked aside her menu, "I'll have the single scallop with beluga roe."
"With the roe?" Aqua smirked at Laguna, "What a fatty. I'm going to get the sea foam with lime sprinkles. Laguna?"
"The same." Laguna glanced imperialistically at her little sister, "Marilla, do you want to try the foam? Or are you sticking with the scallop and roe? Because it would be shame if you were a fake blonde and a fake size 0."
"Cellulose alert." Hydra bore shiny teeth. "Someone's ass is going to be bubbling out of her jeans tomorrow."
"Bitches!" Marilla lifted a manicured middle finger, "I'm just going to throw it up anyway!"
"Girls, girls." Uninterestedly, Arista scolded her daughters. Adjusting her cleavage, she browsed the menu. "Oooo Eric honey bunny! I think I'm going to have the sea foam over a bed of nonfat ice. What are you going to get?"
Nonfat ice? Jim looked at Ariel. Is she serious?
Ariel crossed her eyes. No she mouthed back She's stupid.
Admiral Triton caught the cross talk. While he couldn't read Ariel's lips, he easily inferred what they were snickering about and decided public family-ridicule was unacceptable (regardless of his personal opinions of nonfat ice).
"Hmmm, quite the seasonal selection..." Admiral Triton returned his menu, "But I'll have my usual: grilled shark steak over cinnamon and bay leaf."
"Certainly," replied the waiter, "Would you like a side of sturgeon roe, Admiral?"
"Caviar, eh? Why not, we're celebrating." Admiral Triton smiled at his daughter. "Ariel, anything strike your fancy? Or is that Hawkins' stomach I hear growling?"
"Nope!" Ariel patted her tummy, "It's mine! I'm starving! And as appetizing as sea foam over nonfat ice sounds, I think I'm going to try something different. But..."
Ariel reclined towards her waiter, "Do you have anything that's not fish? I'm a vegetarian."
Jim snorted. "Yeah, if you consider bacon a vegetable."
"Hey!" Ariel swatted Jim. Ruefully, she apologized to the waiter. "Sorry. I just don't eat fish. Do you have anything wrapped in bacon? Because that would be great."
The waiter glanced at Ariel's sisters. He shook his head after they vehemently shook theirs.
"My apologies mademoiselle. This is a seafood restaurant. Our chef de cuisine, Chef Louis, uses only ingredients from the sea. His specialty is fish."
Ariel grimaced. "Really? Only seafood? Only fish?"
The waiter was very compassionate.
"Fear not mademoiselle. All Chef Louis' dishes are made with the finest catch. Even persons that do not like fish will enjoy Chef Louis' creations."
"I'm sure," said Ariel, "But it doesn't matter. I don't eat fish. It's a personal thing. I'm a bacon-loving vegetarian."
Laguna scoffed at her sisters. "Bacon loving vegetarian? Is that even a thing?"
Jak suddenly cleared his throat. "Fishibitionist flexitarian."
Ariel and Jim turned so quickly their chairs almost spun. Jak had finally joined the conversation.
Ariel leaned around her father. "Fishi - flexi - what?"
Jak fidgeted slightly. Ariel had enormous eyes, and they were blue as they were bottomless. Jak felt like he was drowning.
"Fishibitionist flexitarian." Jak dissected each word. "Fishi is derived from fish. Tionist is a suffix meaning a person, like perfectionist or nutritionist or prohibitionist. Therefore, a fishibitionist is a person that is pro fish."
Ariel rest her chin delightedly in her hand. "And flexitarian?" she asked, rubbing Jim's thigh under the table, "What's that?"
"A flexible vegetarian," Jak replied simply, "Appropriate for a vegetarian that eats bacon."
Ariel laughed. "Fishibitionist flexitarian. That's so perfect! You know Jon, I used to live in the ocean, and I had three shark friends named Bruce, Anchor, and Chum. Their motto was fish are friends, not food, so I guess they were fishibitionist flexitarians too. Gosh I can't wait to see them! They're going to get a big kick out of this!"
She scooted closer. "So Jon, tell me about your life. Let's start with food, now that we're on the subject! Are you a foodie like me or a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy like Dad?"
Jak gripped his menu.
"Neither," he said, breaking eye contact. Rigidly, he stared at his menu. "But I do like my food on time, so we should end this pointless conversation, and order. However, if after you have additional questions, please remember, my name is Jak."
Ariel stopped rubbing Jim's leg. Very few people could belittle Ariel's spirit, but Jak cut a hole right through her.
Jim took Ariel's hand. He gave a reassuring squeeze.
"Well I don't know about your mom," Jim lifted his menu, "But I've got a shitload of questions, so let's order."
Ignoring the affronted gasps, Jim appraised the menu. He could feel Jak's glare burning imaginary holes through his head.
Ha. Jim thought. Wishful thinking Jak. Dad is done playing nice. It was time to exchange punches.
Jim casually rest an arm across Ariel's chair, "Think I'm going to try something new. This looks interesting. Waiter..."
Jim looked at Jak. "Talk to me about the wakame tagliatelle."
Jak's nostrils flared. Jim waited three seconds before sliding his gaze to the waiter.
The waiter hovered over Jim's ear.
"Wakame tagliatelle is seaweed spaghetti. Alone, it has a subtle sweetness, but we prepare it several ways."
"Such as?"
"Any way you desire. Ginger and carrot. Shrimp and bamboo shoot. Cucumber and sea salt. Salmon and lemon. Why, Master Sergeant Jak Triton even placed a delivery order for jalapeño and watermelon wakame tagliatelle not long ago."
"Did he?" Jim clicked his tongue, "Well what a coincidence. Okay, I'll have the wakame tagliatelle with salmon and lemon. Ariel, you want the ginger and carrot?"
Ariel nodded. "Sounds good."
"Great." Jim motioned to Jak. "You're up, master sergeant ."
Jak glared at his father.
"I"ll have the sea urchin," he said to the waiter, "Served in the shell."
"Very good," the waiters retreated, "Your plates will be ready momentarily."
"Super." Jim planted his elbows on the table, "You ready to talk now, master sergeant?"
Jak responded icily. "My name is Jak."
"So I hear. Weird that it's different on your birth certificate." Jim indicated Jak's uniform. "So you're in the military? The marine corps?"
Jak nodded. "Yes."
"And you're a master sergeant?"
"Yes."
"Who'd you kill to earn that title?"
Admiral Triton interjected. "Jak's rank is well deserved, Hawkins. He was promoted by King Arthur after saving three Fantasian children from the Crawloween Circus three years ago – "
"Nice, nice." Although Jim was secretly impressed, he continued to badger his son. "So you like the Marine Corps?"
"Yes."
"You have much free time?"
"Not really."
"So you probably don't have a girlfriend."
The Triton girls giggled.
Jak did not.
"No." he responded.
"But!" Arista fingered her pearls, "Jak has many prospects! Many many prospects! Last year he took Titania Bell to the military ball, right Jak?"
"As a friend," said Jak, "Titania is a skilled airwoman and a close colleague. Also, pixie's like to dance, so why not."
"Bell, huh?" Jim inferred that Titania Bell was Tinkerbell's daughter. Puh. Wendy was sure to love that. "So you like to dance, master sergeant?"
"Yes."
"You any good?"
"Fair."
"You got any other hobbies? Karaoke perhaps?"
Jak's eyes flashed. It was becoming very apparent that Jim had overhead his phone call.
"Sometimes," he responded, "Depending on the company I keep."
"I see. Okay, one last question." Jim leaned. "Where is your sister?"
The reaction around the table was very strange.
The Triton girls huddled together. They burst into giggles. Arista and Eric exchanged smug smiles, while Attina and Kocoum exchanged ones of pity. Admiral Triton murmured "At ease Jak," from the corner of his mouth, and Jak...Jak...
Jak looked his parents dead in the eye.
"That's none of your business," he said.
Both Jim and Ariel rose.
"Uh oh!" Morph peeked from Jim's pocket. "Wrong answer!"
"It sure was." Jim put a fist on the table, "Where is Melody?"
Jak held his ground. "She's safe. She's happy. Just like I've kept her for the past six years. And she doesn't need you two showing up just so you can abandon her agai – "
Ariel swung her trident over the table. The entire restaurant froze as she aimed the tip at her father and Jak.
"One of you," she said, "Tell me where Melody is. Now."
Jak clenched his teeth. Defiantly, he crossed his arms. He did not answer.
But Admiral Triton softened. Almost sadly, he reached for his youngest daughter.
"Ariel..." he said, "Melody does not live with us."
Ariel twitched. But she still held her trident aloft, trying to understand. "What do you mean? Daddy...where is she?"
Jim hugged Ariel's shoulders. He lowered the trident.
"It's okay baby. It's okay." Jim glanced once more at Jak before guiding Ariel out, "Come on. I think I know where she is."
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sulta's note: Chapter 57 if you need a reminder on "the Crawloween Circus" and how Jak became a hero.
keep writing.