Natalie didn't eat lunch in the cafeteria. She couldn't bear it, no matter how much Kelsey insisted they were totally fine. She hurried in just to say hi to Quinn and tell him she'd see him in fifth period. He looked surprised, but didn't ask any questions, reminding Natalie just why she liked him so much. Quinn loved asking questions, but he was really catching on to when Natalie didn't want to—or couldn't—answer.
Instead, Natalie retreated back to her bathroom, yet again. She locked the door, she closed the window, and she took her stall, as usual. If any other girls wanted to use it, they'd have to go down to the next hall. She was going to be alone for the period.
You are hiding again.
No duh I'm hiding! she shouted in her head. You see everything I do, so why do you tell me that all the time?
Because you shouldn't be hiding. You've done nothing wrong.
I think I broke her nose. That's wrong.
You were provoked. You were still within the rules of the game. You aren't at risk of discovery.
That doesn't make it okay!
Natalie pulled out her lunch and started eating, trying to ignore the voice as it continued to reassure her. She didn't want to be reassured. She didn't want to think this was okay. As awful as Blake was, Natalie didn't want to just hurt people and walk away like it was nothing.
You didn't feel anything when you killed those gang members in the warehouse.
She bit into her sandwich. Natalie didn't want to think about them. Natalie just wanted to eat, and go back to her friends, go home. Home. Rallsburg, not Quinn's house. She wanted Gwen, she wanted the forest, she wanted her little castle in the woods where nobody would hurt her. Where she'd wait out the storm. She'd come back out one day and there would be her dad, waiting for her.
You didn't feel anything when you fought the monsters.
They were monsters, Natalie shot back, finally giving in. They weren't people.
You killed twenty five people in Rallsburg and you got past it.
Had she gotten past it? Natalie realized it with a shock: she couldn't remember their faces anymore. Not a single face from the street in Rallsburg came to her mind. She could still remember the six gang members in the warehouse—the boss, Tattoo-face, his companion, Stutter, Door-guy, and Weasel-face—but the mob that faced her down in Rallsburg? Where Rachel had ordered her to kill, again and again?
Not a single one. They were gone, lost to whatever deep black pit that memories vanished into. Natalie could remember everything else from that terrible day, worst of all the sight of her father ordering golems forward into the forest, but the faces of the townspeople were gone.
What did you do? she asked, horrified.
I did nothing. You needed to forget, so you did.
Natalie shook her head, but no more words came out—or rather, no imagined words. She continued eating in silence, without any more interruptions from the voice. As she ate, she calmed down a bit more. It still bothered her that she couldn't remember the people she'd... she'd killed, but what was she supposed to do about it? They were long gone. She'd never forget what she did, but... maybe the voice was right. Maybe forgetting the people was better for her in the long run. She couldn't hold them all forever.
I'm sorry.
You do not ever need to apologize to me. I am here for you.
...Thanks, I guess.
A clicking noise. Natalie froze, still seated cross-legged atop the toilet. She waited. The click happened again, and then the door swung open. But I locked it...
Footsteps. The door swung shut, and the person locked it again. So they've got a key... A janitor?
The faucet turned on. She could hear splashing, and a faint sniffling sound. More footsteps, and then the stall door next to Natalie's swung open. Natalie saw a pair of shoes step-step inside and close the stall.
Sniffling again, louder this time. It was definitely young, so it was another student. Another girl. Is she... crying? Natalie held very still, but something about it made her want to reach out. She'd come in here for much the same reason... maybe she could help this other girl.
"Hello?" she said aloud.
The other girl slammed against the door, as if she'd jumped away from Natalie's voice.
"Oh god, sorry," said Natalie, wincing. "I didn't... I just— are you okay?"
"No thanks to you," snarled a nasally voice. It was Blake... but her voice was all funny. Her nose must have been plugged up.
"I'm sorry," said Natalie again. I don't care what you think. Hitting her like that was wrong. "I didn't mean to throw it that hard."
"Whatever."
Natalie took a sip of water, more to give Blake time to say something else than because she was thirsty. She had no idea what to say to the girl. Natalie had a lot of questions for her, but now probably wasn't the best time for most of them.
"Where'd you come from, freak?" said Blake, after a few more sniffles.
"It's not on any maps," said Natalie. Which was true... until this year, at least. "I moved here with Lily in July."
"You know it's super weird to call your mom by her name, right?"
"She's not my mom."
Blake laughed, a harsh self-satisfied sound that Natalie didn't enjoy very much. "Wait, you really are adopted? I thought I just made that up!"
"I'm not. I just... live with Lily." Or I did, anyway.
"So what else am I right about? Are you really a hick town freak that talks to animals?"
Yes? "...Why do you hate me?" Natalie asked.
"You ruined my life," Blake snapped.
"What?"
"Nothing." The stall door swung open again. Blake walked back across to the sinks, where the water was still running, and presumably started washing her hands.
"I never did anything to you," Natalie protested. "I'm just trying to be normal."
Without warning, Natalie's stall door slammed open. Blake stood there, bandages stuffed in her nose and her mouth still caked with dried blood. Her dark brown eyes were lit up with fury. "Listen to me, you psycho freak. You will never be normal. You're crazy and you don't belong here. Go back to where you came from. Leave Quinn, leave my school, leave this whole city. Got it?"
Natalie shook her head. "I can't."
"Then find another way." Her eyes flicked over to the scar on Natalie's face. "You already tried it once, didn't you? Just get out your knife and start cutting, freak."
She... I... what? "I didn't—"
"Oh, don't even." Blake rolled her eyes. "Everybody knows that's what psychos end up doing. Either you're gonna cut your way out, or you're gonna come back to school and really hurt somebody. So do the right thing and just finish the job. Don't screw it up like last time either."
I'm not crazy. I'm not a psycho. I'm not a freak. "I won't hurt anybody," Natalie said, but it sounded weak to her own ears.
Blake didn't let it stand for a second. She took a step toward Natalie, jabbing her fingers at her stuffed-up nose. "You already did, bitch!" she shouted. "Are you as dumb as you are crazy?"
"I'm not crazy."
"Get it through your skull, psycho bitch! You're crazy, your parents were probably crazy, and you're gonna hurt somebody, so do us all a favor and make it you!"
"I'm not crazy!" Natalie shouted.
She leapt to her feet. Every stall door slammed open in unison. The window in the corner shattered in a hail of broken glass, and the bathroom door shuddered in its frame.
Blake's eyes went wide. She took a step back, stunned into silence.
You must commit. You've revealed yourself. Do not hold back.
I can't just—
Do not let her leave unless you are certain she will never tell.
"You're—" Blake finally choked out. "You're one of—"
What do I do?
Scare her. Make sure she knows exactly who she's dealing with.
Natalie summoned up a wall of fire on both sides of Blake, hemming her in. The girl fell back onto the ground, scrambling to the space underneath the sinks. Natalie walked forward, right into the center of the room. The fire hissed and spat, but Natalie was holding the warmth down so it didn't set off the alarm. It only flowed inward—showering Blake in sheer oppressive heat. The girl was already starting to sweat, pinned underneath the wide sinks.
Natalie lifted up a pool of water from the sink, floating it down in front of Blake. She knelt down behind it, right in front of the terrified girl, and let the water spin around her hand in a pattern like she'd once seen Rika do with fire. A moment later, she added a few buzzing streaks of lightning to it, just to complete the Rika effect—though Natalie's electricity was purple instead of Rika's blue.
"Don't talk to me," said Natalie. "Ever again. Don't talk to my friends. Leave all of us alone, and I'll leave you alone."
Blake nodded frantically, clutching onto the water pipe under the sink for dear life. Natalie stood back up, letting the fire disappear again, though she still held the mix of water and lightning spinning in her hand.
"Say it."
"I'll leave you alone," Blake whimpered.
Natalie nodded. She turned away, picked up her bag, and walked to the door. Blake watched her in terror with every step, still trembling underneath the sink. Natalie clicked the lock open without even looking at it, and let the door open itself. She took one last look toward Blake, a vicious snake reduced to a quivering mouse, and felt guilt worm its way into her heart.
You didn't hurt her, and there's no way she can prove anything.
But she's...
You had no choice. It worked. Take comfort in that.
Natalie walked away and headed to class, uncomfortably satisfied with herself.