It had been about a week since they'd brought Grace home. Things were a bit chaotic with everyone staying at the house. But somehow they had managed. Harry walked into the kitchen with a bottle Grace had just emptied to find his wife standing at the sink leaning on her hands. She had excused herself a little bit ago to wash bottles, obviously something was going on though. "Hey, baby. I told you I got this. I'd have done this. You're doing too much." He reached around and rinsed the bottle before setting it in the hot soapy water.
"Stop. I've barely done a thing. I'm perfectly capable. You need to stop treating me like I'm broken." Julie pushed off of her hands and started washing the bottles again.
"You just had a baby a week ago. Why can't you just relax? You have so many people here to help take care of you and Grace." Harry put his hand on Julie's forearm. "Come on baby, let me finish."
"Harry, I told you to back off." Julie shook her arm to get it free from Harry's grip. "I know there are plenty of people here. I haven't had a moment to myself since we've gotten home. Someone's always willing to do whatever I need."
"Because you're supposed to be resting." Harry reached for Julie's hand and turned her towards him and he felt her tense immediately. "The doctors even said so."
"I can wash some bottles. Jesus Christ. What are you going to do? Tie me to the bed? What else do you want to pass off onto someone else? I haven't had to change a diaper, feed her, comfort her in the middle of the night; there's always someone to do it for me. If I sleep anymore you might as well bury me." Julie shook Harry off again. "Just, leave me alone."
Ok. Well, he wasn't expecting that. "Julie, that's not even how it is. No one is taking over. They're just here to help. You've been through a lot."
"I'm still her mother. Maybe I'd like to feel just a little bit useful." She turned back to the bottles.
Harry sighed and watched as she forcefully washed the bottles and pretty much slammed them onto the drying rack. He should have seen this coming. There had been a lot happening this past week with both of their families around, and as much as he loved it, maybe it had been too much too soon. Everyone wanted their hands on Grace, and that meant that Julie didn't have a whole lot of bonding time, and everyone used the excuse of 'helping'. He was guilty too. He would send her to go rest and take over Grace's care, spending as much time with her as he could, then he'd let either his mum or Julie's take over the middle of the night feedings so that he could sleep with his wife. "You're right. I'm sorry. Let me finish the bottles, and you go get Grace. Spend time with her."
"Right, so I can be the bad guy, taking her away from whichever grandparent you promised her to now?" Julie dried her hands on a towel after she finished the bottles and then ran her hands through her hair. "Forget it. I'm just ungrateful and unreasonable as always." She turned and pushed past him walking out of the kitchen and straight up the stairs.
Harry let his head fall back and he groaned at the ceiling. "For fucks sake."
"Excuse me, dear?" Anne asked walking into the kitchen. "I was just about to start some lunch. Maybe pull out something to thaw for dinner."
"Nothing, Mum, really." Harry looked at his mum and then laughed a little. "Ok, well, maybe it's a little more than nothing, but it will be fine. I hope. I mean, yeah, it will be."
"Sounds convincing, love." Anne raised an eyebrow as she placed the makings for a nice salad on the counter. "Soup and salad for lunch sound good?"
"Yeah, Mum, that's fine. Whatever you'd like to make." Harry leaned back against the counter, shoulders sagging. "I guess, I haven't really been paying attention to what Julie really wants again. She sort of just gave me a little, well, a lot of attitude. I sort of get into this place where I think I know what she needs, and I don't really ask her or pay attention to what she really wants. She's a bit, um, upset."
"About?" Anne asked looking up from cutting up the lettuce and vegetables for the salad. "I mean, if you'd like to talk about it."
"She seems to think she's not needed. That she's not useful, that Grace doesn't need her." Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I thought since everyone was here, her resting would be the best thing for her, but now she feels like she doesn't get any time with Grace. And I guess I see her point, since we've left the hospital and she hasn't been breast feeding, I've sort of taken over. Given her to you or Donna. She hasn't really been able to bond with Grace at all. She's warned me about taking over before. I guess I'll just never learn."
"It's new for everyone, love. It's not like you automatically get it right. You have to go through a learning curve, just like everything else in life." Anne smiled up at her son.
"Seems like the learning curve with my wife is a pretty damn big curve. You'd think I could get something right by now." Harry grabbed a cherry tomato from the bowl in front of his mum and popped it into his mouth. "Seems the only thing I have ever learned and never forgotten is to never, ever feed her tomatoes."
"Well, see, there's hope for you yet." Anne laughed. "Don't be so hard on yourself, love. And be patient with Julie. Lord knows, she's been patient enough with you, especially lately."
"Yeah, yeah." Harry grimaced. His mum hadn't been too happy with him about the whole birthday party fiasco. Well, that was putting it mildly. He'd gotten an earful when she found out what had happened. He was very lucky in the mum department, and he very much deserved the lecture he got, but it wasn't anything he was used to coming from his mum. She was usually more of a 'learn as you go' type of teacher, but this time she had lit into him and really let him have it. She had raised him better than that, and she had let it be known in no uncertain terms. "I think I've been pretty patient with her in the past, too. I may have that down to a science."
"You have. For different reasons. Remember though, this is about Grace. It's different now. It's not just you and Julie." Anne put her hand on Harry's forearm. "Would you like to take some lunch up to her when you go?"
Harry chuckled. "You knew I was gonna go up there, huh? No, I wouldn't take salad. She'd probably throw it at me. I will come make her a nice cheesy grilled cheese if she wants one, when she's done yelling at me. Actually, I hope she yells at me. I deal with her yelling at me better then when she's hurt and sad."
Anne laughed softly. "Such a sensitive little man I have."
"Oh, shush." Harry kissed his mum's cheek and stole another cherry tomato. He went into the living room and asked Donna for Grace to take up to Julie. He smiled down at the beautiful little girl who squirmed in his arms at the transition and then settled in peacefully as he started to walk up the stairs. He opened the bedroom door and looked towards the windows. He knew she would be standing there, leaning against the window frame, looking out over everything as she always did when she was lost, or upset. "Hey, mummy, we come in peace."
Julie rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Yeah, so now you bring her? Hoping that I won't give you hell because she's in the room? Already using her to avoid trouble?" She walked up and gently took Grace from Harry's arms.
Well, so much for a peaceful encounter. "That's not..." he stopped before he said anymore. "Baby, I didn't mean to take her away from you at all."
"Yeah, you were just trying to help. Just like always." Julie sat down on the edge of the bed with Grace and pulled one leg underneath her. "Why don't you go out? There are plenty of people here now to take care of us if something should happen. You could even leave your phone here with no worries."
Oh, here we go. Harry internalized. Luckily he kept it inside and didn't verbalize it out loud. He had been waiting for over a week for this. He had brought it up many times, and she had shut him down, but now she was angry about something else, so of course it was going to come out. "You know that's not going to happen."
"Why not? Perfect time for it. You can get as drunk or as high as you want. You don't even have to make it home. There are so many other people here, I'd probably never even notice." She unwrapped Grace from her swaddle so that she could look at all her little features. Her tiny little fingers, her chubby little thighs, down to her perfect little toes. She laid Grace down on the bed and played with every part of her teeny body.
"Why would I do that when I can sit here and listen to your sweet, kind and caring words?" Harry sat down at the end of the bed. "I knew we'd get here eventually. You are finally angry with me, for what happened. But please, don't push me away like that."
"Sarcasm doesn't suit you. Just makes you sound like an ass." She put her pinkie out and let Grace hold onto it.
"I'm not going anywhere. You can say whatever you want to me. I'll take it. I told you before I deserved it. But you and Grace are everything to me. One night of insanity does not change that." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly when she still didn't even give him a glance.
"Are you saying I'm acting crazy?" She asked looking up at him.
"Really?" Harry asked. Well, she finally looked at him. Maybe wasn't the look he'd wanted to see, but it was a look. "My night of insanity, Julie, come on." He reached over and took her hand. "Baby, come on, just talk to me. Tell me what you want."
"Right now? I want you to leave me alone. For real." She took her hand away from him.
Ok, this was not going the way he had hoped. Not even a little bit. "Ok, I'm going to go talk to our mums. Maybe it's time we had a little space."
"Oh, yeah, sure. Please, go tell them. Sorry, you have to go, because my wife is acting crazy and having a gigantic meltdown, so we are going to kick you out of our house in a huge city you don't live in. Because she's just psycho like that." Julie huffed as she put the pacifier into Grace's mouth. Grace was getting fussy and tired.
Harry was astounded at the words that had just come from Julie's mouth. And he wasn't exactly sure how to respond to what she said. He was sure that no matter what he said, it wouldn't go over well, but he had to say something. "That wasn't anywhere near what I was talking about."
"It's what you were thinking though, right? Because before you came into the kitchen, you were extremely happy to have everyone here and all the help and the ability to pass off our responsibilities whenever you wanted. Does it validate what you did on your birthday? Show you it was ok because there's always someone else around to take care of us?" Julie asked wrapping Grace back up.
Harry ran his hand through his hair and blew out a frustrated breath. He honestly did not know what to do. He was honest to god trying to be understanding, but everything he said just made it worse. "No matter what I say, I'm not going to win, am I?"
Julie wrinkled her brow and shot him a look. "What exactly are you trying to win? I didn't realize this was some sort of game."
Fuck! What the hell? Harry closed his eyes and then stood up and looked at Julie holding Grace cuddled against her chest as she moved up to the head of the bed. "Yeah, again, not what I meant, why don't I give you two a little time alone."
"Yeah, good idea." She said as she gently bounced a sleepy Grace up and down in her arms.
"Yeah." Harry walked to the door and paused in the doorway before he walked out closing it behind him. What the hell was he going to do? What the hell was happening? He slowly walked down the stairs and when he reached the bottom, he looked back up them still wondering what the hell was going on. He turned when he heard Amanda's voice call his name. "Oh, hey, when did you get here?"
"Just a little bit ago." Amanda explained taking a few steps closer to Harry. "You ok? You look a little pale there, buddy."
"Yeah, I guess." He looked down at Amanda. "I don't really know what just happened. Julie's having kind of a bad day I guess. At least, I think so."
Amanda raised an eyebrow and couldn't help but laugh a little. "Ok, well, why don't you come sit down, talk to me a minute, and then I'll go see her."
"No." Harry shook his head. "I don't mean I won't sit with you, I just mean maybe you shouldn't go see her. She'd probably think I called you to come and talk to her or something. And she would not like that today."
Amanda laughed and patted Harry's knee when she sat next to him on the couch. "Ok, talk to me. What's going on? Seriously."
"I know she's overwhelmed. I guess I should have known sooner that all these people in the house for so long would become too much. But she sort of...". He looked around to make sure she wasn't around and then lowered his voice. "Snapped earlier."
Amanda shouldn't find this so humorous but the look on Harry's face, how he looked petrified that Julie would hear him and how he seemed completely confused, was rather funny. "Ok, I'm sorry I'm laughing, but if you could see yourself, you'd probably be laughing too."
"It's not funny, trust me. I have no idea what to do." He ran his hands through his hair again. "She kept saying she wasn't needed, that basically I wouldn't let her do anything, so then I told her I understood, and she flipped out about that. And she told me I should go out and leave my phone because there was plenty of people here to take care of her and Grace."
Amanda looked down at her lap to keep from laughing at him. "Oh, geez."
"Stop, Amanda, it's not funny. Seriously, everything I said made it worse. I understood, I told her I'd talk to everyone about giving us some time alone, and then she said I was making her out to be the villain. Like, what the fuck is happening?" Harry leaned his head on the back of the couch feeling utterly confused and disheartened.
"Yeah, I don't know. But she did just have a baby a week ago, before that she couldn't find her husband when she went into early labor, and then came home to a houseful of people who have never left, and hasn't had a moment alone with her baby since having her. That's a lot for any woman, and you know JJ needs a little more structure, calm, and routine than most. I think maybe you need to cut her a little slack. She's gone through a lot. It hasn't stopped since she met you, hell, before that." Amanda took Harry's hand. "I can't even imagine everything that's going on in her mind. I'm sorry it's so frustrating though."
Harry opened his eyes and rolled his head to look at Amanda. "I told her I'd take it, I told her I understood, I told her she should be mad at me, and it just pissed her off even more. I have NO CLUE what to do to make it better."
"Maybe you can't. Maybe you just need to be there for her." Amanda kissed his cheek and then stood up. "I'll come back and see her tomorrow, or in a few days. Whatever you think is best."
"Oh, so you're just going to leave me to deal with it by myself?" Harry's eyes widened as he asked.
"You just got done telling me you didn't want me to go see her because she'd blame you for me being here." Amanda laughed. "I'll go see her now if you'd like."
"No. I don't know." Harry rubbed over his face. "She's been so calm, so forgiving, so accepting, and now, I can't do a thing right. I'm afraid now." He laughed at his own admission. "Ok, I'm not afraid of her like that, but I'm afraid of pissing her off even more."
"I get it. And maybe she'll give you hell for awhile. But just, do what you feel is best for her and Grace, and it will all work out." She watched Harry stand up, and she gave him a hug.
"The faith you have in me." Harry hugged Amanda tightly and then stood up straight. "Guess I have to go talk to our mums now."
"No, the faith I have is in her and her crazy love for you. Crazy as it is, she still loves you." Amanda laughed at the look Harry gave her. "She does, very much, even when it's hard for her. Just like you love her, very much, even when it's hard for you. Which is why even when you two drive me positively mad, I still support your crazy relationship. Talk to your moms if you feel it's best. Do you want me to go talk to her?"
Harry took a deep breath and thought about it. Amanda did always have a way with his wife. They were best friends for a reason. It might not hurt for her to go up and see if perhaps Julie would open up to her. But it might. "Maybe call her later. I don't want her to think we are ganging up on her. I'll go talk to our mums and then take her some lunch, see if I can get her to talk a little bit more. And try to stay as calm and patient as I can." He walked Amanda towards the door. "Just maybe, make sure you keep your phone nearby, in case I end up needing you."
"Of course." Amanda squeezed his hand. "You've gotten through worse. Love you guys."
"We love you, too." He waved as Amanda walked out. He needed to figure out how to maneuver through this without making things worse, but every step he took seemed to do just that. He went in and sat down with his mum and Donna and had a discussion with them. Discussing with Donna what he had already talked to his mum about earlier. Afterwards he went to the kitchen and made a grilled cheese sandwich and put it on a tray with some fruit. Maybe if he got her to eat something he could get her to talk to him.
Harry knocked lightly on the door before opening it slowly. "Baby?" He peaked around the door and then stepped inside quietly. He couldn't help but smile at the sight before him. Grace was lying in the bedside sleeper, Julie curled up on her side as close as she could get with her hand gently lying on Grace, both sound asleep. His girls. Both perfectly beautiful and everything he wanted. He set the tray on the dresser and walked over towards the bed, taking the blanket from the foot of the bed and covering up his wife. He sat down gently and stared at them both. Amanda was right. He'd figure it out; there was no other option. They'd fight it out if they had to, but this is what he needed to come home to every single day. He moved a piece of hair from Julie's face and breathed softly. "Maybe you don't always believe me, but I love you, more and more everyday. And I know if you could hear me, you wouldn't believe me right now, but it's you and me against the world. Someday I will get you to believe it. Someday."
"And Grace." Julie rolled over a little and looked at him. "You want me to sleep, but then you come in and wake me up when I do."
"And Grace." Harry sighed. "Sorry, I couldn't seem to help myself. You don't see what I see when I look at you and Grace. And you never believe me when I tell you." When she took her arm out from under the blanket, he took her hand. "I know we're having a hard time right now."
"You mean I'm having a hard time right now?" Julie interrupted.
"No, WE are. I'm not dealing with this perfectly either. Neither of us have had a baby before, or been married before." He looked down at her when she looked back at Grace. "Our families are going to go stay in a hotel for the next few days until they leave for home."
"No. Harry, I didn't want you to go and have our families stay in a hotel. That's not...". Julie fought the tears filling her eyes.
"I didn't. They offered. They know we need some time together, and it's a little too much right now. Plus, it's a really nice hotel I'm going to hook up for them. They get to spend my money." Harry tried to joke with her. "Come on, baby, don't cry." Somehow, he had convinced himself things would be easier now that she wasn't pregnant anymore. Things would be less manic, but he was learning quickly he was wrong. "Look, you can talk to them when you feel up to it. Trust me, no one else is making this a big deal."
"Of course not, it's just crazy me, haven't we already established that?" Julie asked as she took her hand and curled back up. "I'm going back to sleep. Just go make some more decisions without me."
Oh for fucks sake! Harry took a few deep breaths. "Ok, love, there's some lunch on the dresser if you want, and I'll be downstairs if you need anything." He got up and went to kiss her, but she turned her cheek so he kissed her forehead instead. "I love you. Attitude and all." He leaned over and kissed Grace and then left the bedroom. He shut the door and stood there for a minute. Yep, this was going to be harder than he thought. He went downstairs to help his mum with dinner. Maybe, if he acted normal things would just go back to normal.
I know it's been forever again! I'm still struggling mightily! I'm so sorry! Please please stick with me! We will get there together! I hope we did ok! Thank you for your love and patience! You know I adore you all! 😘😘😘