She remembers perfectly the day Shawn told her he was making a new song with Camila.
She couldn't really help the weird feeling that made it through her body, something like electricity as she could barely stop her eyes from closing.
"That's great, baby. I'm sure it's going to be a hit." (Y/N) gave Shawn a tight smile.
Shawn grabbed her hand. "I know what you're thinking, but it's nothing. I'm happy with you and she's happy with her boyfriend, we just had this idea..." Shawn started rambling, but she interrupted him.
"Shawn, you don't have to give me an explanation. I know she's your friend and I trust our relationship, you don't have to feel like you're doing something wrong." She caressed his cheek.
That conversation had taken place almost nine months ago. Now, she was silently staring at the wall as she watched the music video. Well, at least she tried to after closing her laptop several times when the scenes got too much for her to watch.
She knew she was overreacting, there was nothing to be done and it probably was her mind playing games on her.
but maybe, just maybe... it wasn't that she was delusional, maybe it was the reality hitting her on the face as she watched her boyfriend with the woman he used to have a crush on and much of the show business world wanted them together.
As if a weird coincidence or conspiracy was playing against her, Alexa started playing the song Why by Shawn, and she truly felt like she could punch a hole through her apartment wall.
She ignored Shawn's call, knowing it wasn't going do to any good to have a conversation right now. she simply activated the do not disturb and stared at the ceiling.
She hoped her luck would change by the morning, but she opened the BuzzFeed app to catch up and noticed a headline that caught her attention.
Camila Cabello and her boyfriend have broken up.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
A perfect storm, because she didn't need to open her Instagram to know that her posts were filled with comments of people telling her to leave Shawn so that he and Camila could finally be together.
She knew she couldn't keep avoiding Shawn. Warily answering his texts, saying she had fallen asleep last night and wasn't able to respond. It didn't take long for Shawn to call her, she sighed before picking up.
"Hey you, you had me worried." Shawn said and she knew he was sipping on his coffee.
"Hey... I'm sorry, I was just so tired and went to be early."
"'s okay," Silence filled the line. "Did you watch the video?" Shawn asked, knowing deep inside of him that she hadn't been tired last night, she was just ignoring him.
"I did." She answered too quickly.
Shawn breathed in deeply, "Did you like it?"
"Of course, it was great."
"(Y/N)..." Shawn closed his eyes and ran a hand through his curls.
"Look, I have a busy day and have to go, sorry." She could feel her eyes filling with tears as she spoke.
"I know you are not okay." Shawn insisted.
"Why wouldn't I?" Her voice raised. "Call me when you know which day you'll be back, okay?"
Shawn sighed, "okay," He didn't know what else to say, "Hey, I love you."
A smile creeped on her lips, "I love you, Shawn."
-
An entire day went by and Shawn told her they could spend the weekend together. She knew these days were rare and had to be appreciated deeply, but she couldn't help the jealousy that cursed her blood as she kept replaying the images of her boyfriend and his friend sharing a couple of tender touches, even if it was a music video.
But she opened Instagram and saw Shawn, Camila and his team posting photos of them when they weren't rolling. And the one were the entire team that worked on the video and they had their hands linked as Shawn hugged her from behind.
This was more than just jealousy, she felt humiliated in front of the world as now even her friends were calling her and asking if everything was alright, not because of the video, but because of the photo of them after the video.
Maybe now she wasn't overreacting as tabloids were reaching her to ask her opinion and a confirmation of the end of hers and Shawn's relationship.
All go these factors combined had as a result that she flinched when Shawn knocked on the door, still carrying his suitcase and wearing a youth hoodie and sweatpants.
He tried to hug her, but her body went rigid the moment his warm body touched hers.
Shawn closed his eyes and sighed, clearly annoyed by the situation.
"You have got to be shitting me, (Y/N)." Shawn told her, harshly letting go of his carry-on suitcase.
"Do not treat me like that." She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.
"Like what? Like a crazy person? Because you are being crazy and paranoid right now!" Shawn paced around the living room. "Jesus, I can't believe this is the one weekend off I get and you decide to play the psycho girlfriend."
Tears built in her eyes. "Oh my God, Shawn. I haven't said anything, stop treating me like garbage."
His eyes softened and shook his head. "Hon, I'm sorry, I'm just stressed."
"Stressed? Have been people calling you in the middle of the night because they want you to confirm you left me for Camila? About what were my thoughts on meeting with Matthew and talk about how you and Camila left us to be together?"
"You should be used to this by now, (Y/N)!" He rubbed his eyes, obvious tiredness hiding behind them.
"Well, I am not! Because you never really gave me a reason to not trust you around other people, but the only thing I've felt lately is like a third choice and like trash, because everyone is making me feel like I don't matter and like I am an obstacle for you and her being together, and you haven't made it any easier, Shawn!"
"What the fuck do you want me to do?" He laughed humorlessly. "It's my job, and now I am fucking leaving because clearly you do not want to understand."
She started crying. "I understand that, I know that it is your job. what I do not understand is why you, and her, and your entire fucking team keeps posting shit with the two of you holding hands while you look at her like you want to fuck her," She covered her face in a useless attempt to stop her tears. "And not only that, it's like you are longing for her, and don't tell me I'm crazy because I know you, Shawn."
Shawn just stood there, quiet, trying to process his girlfriend's words. The only thing that reached his ears were the quiet sobs of (Y/N) as she tried to recover her breath to keep talking.
"I've grown used to people hating on me. I get it, it's part of being in love with you, but situations like these make me question if it's worth it," She closed her eyes as her breathing quickened. "Now leave, you should enjoy your weekend off."
Shawn sighed, "I'm not leaving you in this state, (Y/N)."
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Just please don't treat me like a mad woman and admit you feel something for her, I know there are songs about her. And after you come to terms with it, you should have the decency to tell me. Talk to you later."
Shawn was leaving when guilt overtook his senses and made him stop while he was crossing the door.
"I kissed her, while we were filming."
Suddenly, the tears stopped.
"What?" She mumbled quietly. So quietly he barely heard her.
"It was on the spur of the moment, neither of us planned for it to happen."
It was her turn to bitterly laugh, "Yet you had the nerve to call me crazy, Shawn. This is so fucked up. How long ago was this?"
Shawn closed his eyes and didn't want to answer until he heard her yelling for him to tell her.
"Three months ago."
"Fuck. Shawn, get the fuck out." She wasn't crying anymore, because she knew it wasn't all in her mind.
"No. I have to explain."
"There's nothing, Shawn, absolutely nothing you can say that will change my mind."
"I didn't want to tell you because it meant nothing. That's why you don't have to worry, because I know for a fact that I felt nothing when I kissed her, the only person I want to kiss and love is you."
"Bullshit. Now, get out."
"Promise you'll call before I leave."
"I don't have to promise you anything, Shawn. I don't know if you realize, but you just confessed that you cheated on me. Now, please leave."
Shawn shook his head before getting out of the apartment, knowing she'd cry herself to sleep and he'd toss and turn knowing he made a mistake.
Credit: motherlifesucker.tumblr.com