Well, that was disgusting.
Every bathroom door I opened revealed either a couple making out or, in the better case someone puking their guts out.
Actually I saw only one person puking and it certainly wasn't Jisoo's roomie, unless her roommate was a guy. I approached the figure leaning against the toilet seat and when I crouched down to his level, I found out it was no one other than my dance partner Hobi. I went back downstairs and grabbed a glass of water for the older boy and brought it to him to drink. After that, I stayed with him for a bit until he stopped puking and I knew he'd be okay.
Once I left the bathroom, I resumed my search of the other girl but since I've already checked every bathroom in the house, I was a little out of options. Now it was time to check the bedrooms and I most certainly didn't want to open the doors to those.
Sighing in despair, I collected myself knowing I didn't really have any other choice than to do so.
I approached the door that looked the least threatening and opened it.
"Oh shit sorry!" I screamed and closed the door shut with a bang. I really didn't need to, nor wanted to, see Jin and Joon getting it on. Jesus, can't they lock their doors. Now I was scarred for life, great.
Approaching the next door, I placed my hand on the doorknob, taking in a deep breath and opening it gently, wanting to be a little more careful this time around. Once the hole was big enough for my arm, I stuck my hand through it and waved it up and down, "Hello?!"
"Ouch!" I screamed as some dipshit tried to close the door with my arm still in.
"Get out!"
Why the fuck did I think this was a good idea, this mission has turned life-threatening.
"I don't want to do this anymore" I whined and almost broke into tears when I looked at another seven doors in front of me.
...
After a few more bruises I gave up. I couldn't find her anywhere. Maybe she went back to Jisoo and was okay. Besides looking for someone you had no information about and trying to dodge your horny boyfriend at the same time was proving to be a little difficult.
Enough, I was done with it.
I walked into the bathroom at the end of the hallway and sighed in relief when I found it empty. Closing the door behind me I locked it and turned to the window in front of me. Reaching for the handle, I turned it upwards and pulled on it, causing the window open. I placed my hands on the bottom of the window frame and pushed my body up.
Making sure the window wouldn't close behind me, I grabbed a towel and placed it on the frame. After I secured my way back in, I slipped through the window.
I steadied my body once I got up from my crouching position, making sure I didn't fall. Whenever there was a party at this house and I needed time to myself, I would go on the roof. It sounded cliché but there was no one here, the music wasn't loud, it was peaceful. I also loved stargazing and the view of the night sky and ocean was beautiful from up here. Well, on the other side of the roof since this one was facing the city.
Turning my head to the left then to the right, I chose to take the left side hence it looked more secure. I always came here but for some reason, I still seemed to deliberate if I should go to the left or right side. I always took the left one though. I put my hand up against the outside wall of the house and walked to the edge of the roof carefully. Once I reached the corner I stepped with one foot on the other side and jumped slightly, clinging onto the wall the entire time. I sighed in relief once I've landed on the other side and came face to face with the vast ocean that presented itself in front of me.
I slid down, my back against the wall and looked forward. It was truly beautiful. The stars, the sound of crashing waves, the saltiness in the air, the moon shining down on me. It was perfect. I had to admit though, it was quite chilly outside so I pulled my knees up and hugged them to my chest in an attempt to keep myself a little warmer. It somewhat worked and I could give my sole focus to the scenery presented in front of me instead of the goosebumps and hair rising on my arms.
The gentle breeze grazed my face and ruffled my hair as it brought the smell of the ocean to my nostrils. I shivered a little but it was okay, it was as if someone stroked my cheek gently and I wasn't sitting here alone again. As if someone was here with me even if it was just the breeze and the stars. I learned that the quietness of the night was what I needed anyways. Once I've come to know this, it helped me relax.
My personality could be a little confusing to people. I enjoy being alone, a lot, but I am very outgoing and social. But it depends on the environment and my mood really. Sometimes I'm loud, sometimes I'm quiet. Sometimes I just need time. There are moments where I just want to be alone and process my thoughts, think the unthinkable. When I'm alone I don't need to pretend I'm someone I'm not, someone everyone thinks I am.
I am not stuck up. I am not the rich girl, the snob, the girl who has everything. I am not the strong girl with a smile. I am not careless.
There is comfort in the silence, unspoken words every time the waves crash. Nothing seems to clear my mind, nothing seems to heal my mind. Nothing other than this.
Looking up at the night sky I draw constellation with my fingers and wished I could be a part of that. Something that doesn't change. But I change, as every person does, I just don't know if it's for the better or worse. I was scared. Ever since I was little I was afraid of what could happen, I was afraid of the future because that was exactly what has always gone wrong. My future.
I didn't have issues, not really. I wasn't cutting myself or drowning in depression. No. That's not it.
Well, maybe I have issues but not that kind.
I'm scared of being alone. Maybe that's why I never say anything. I don't want to lose the people I have. Strangers see me as a walking money bag and the only reason they try to befriend me is that they're hoping they'll get something out of it. So when I have friends about whom I know they aren't using me, but are friends with me because they genuinely care, I'll do anything to keep them. Even if it's holding myself back, keeping my secrets and my fears to myself.
The truth is I feel alone. I'm surrounded by people but I still feel so incredibly alone. Like all the time. One might think I'd hate this, staring at the stars alone, no one to keep me company, but I don't and I'm scared that's the worst part. Getting used to being alone to the point where you crave it.
My parents, being the busy people they are, the busy people they always were, never really had the time to pay attention to me. I was alone from the start. Well me and my brother but hence he was older and intended on taking over what our parents have built one day, he was busy a lot too. I didn't blame either of them for that though. Especially not my brother since he always did his best to be there for me, even if it was hard sometimes. My parents had their jobs that required a lot of their attention. I always did my best to ignore that little voice in my mind that said 'but you did too'. It was okay, I was okay. It's just, I wished that instead of giving me all these gifts, they'd pay attention for once. Help me out of the hole I was slowly falling into.
They never noticed. They sent me off to America to get rid of me. Maybe they felt bad that whenever they looked at me, they didn't even recognize me anymore because I grew up with someone else. Someone they had to pay to take care of me. All the missed birthdays, Christmases even, I got used to it. Same as Bam, we were both neglected by our parents. I don't think he realized it as much as I did though since he was always studying his ass off so he could take over one day. I, on the other hand, had a lot more time to think and process my life.
Now that I was away I wondered if they even noticed. They never reached out, never called. I got one text message a year, 'happy birthday Lisa'. I doubt they even know how old I am. They say you can't miss what you never had but I do. I miss feeling loved, being cared for, for having someone who would hold me and tell me it would be okay. Someone that would burst my bubble, wouldn't let me be alone. Someone who'd see, I didn't want to be alone. Not on this night and not on any other night. It was all a lie. I tried to convince myself I liked being alone, that it gave me comfort. But it never did. It just always made me feel like I lost something that I never had in the first place.
I had Bam Bam who did his best but it could never compensate for the love I was supposed to be given by my parents. But he did make me feel like I had at least someone. He was the only family that ever cared, the only family I really had.
As for Jennie and Jungkook, they were great but it was different. They didn't forget my birthdays, they didn't leave me crying alone. They were there. Jennie even took me with her to Korea last year for Christmas after she learned that all the years before when I said I was going to visit my parents, I never did. I always stayed in the dorm alone and face timed my brother who also spent his Christmas alone. The only difference being that he had work not a break like I did, so no time to sulk over being alone. Jennie almost killed me for lying when she found out. I knew she was just feeling guilty that she had no idea what was going on though.
Jungkook didn't know. I never told him. What was the point anyway? Jennie was the only one who knew. Abandonment issues. That's what she said it was called. Not that I really cared.
I didn't want to be alone again. I dreaded being left behind again. That's why I locked myself in this imaginary cell of mine and threw the key away. No one was able to get to me and I intended to keep it that way. It can't hurt you if you don't let it.
Jennie was sometimes able to get in, Jungkook wasn't and I knew he'd never be able to.
Sometimes I thought if it was a good idea to be with him. I was scared of the impact it would have on me if he were to break up with me, leave me behind or if I did. So even if I was falling out of love a little, even if he tried to have sex with me every time he was drunk, even if he smelled like cigarettes and alcohol, I didn't say anything. I couldn't bear losing him. He was a sweet guy when he wasn't drunk. He cared about me and loved me a lot. And I loved him, I just wasn't sure if it was in that way anymore.
No, don't be stupid Lisa. You love Jungkook. You love him. He's the one for you. The one you want. You want him to be your future, you know that.
One teardrop, then two, then three rolled down my cheek and I wiped them quickly with the sleeve of my jacket. I didn't like to cry. I hated to feel so vulnerable and exposed to the world, not that anyone could see right now.
I shivered again when the wind hit my skin, bringing me back to reality.
The sound of someone sneezing made me look to the right abruptly. It wasn't loud kind of a sneeze though. It was very quiet as if it never even happened. But I knew someone was near. That's when I noticed someone slouched at the edge of the rooftop, looking at the darkness in front of them.
I squint my eyes, trying to get a better look at the person but I didn't recognize them, at least not from this distance. My vision was pretty bad when it came to seeing things in the distance and the fact it was dark out didn't exactly help the situation. What a deadly combination.
Standing up, I made my way towards the person present with me on the rooftop. As I approached them I noticed it was a girl with long hair but I wasn't sure about the color since the only source of light originated from the moon. But if I wasn't mistaken, it was blonde.
"Hey," I greeted her once I got close enough for her to hear me. She looked up from the ocean to meet my eyes and rolled them instantly once she recognized me. Too bad I couldn't say the same. I couldn't make up her features properly but she looked familiar for sure.
She didn't say anything and looked back at the ocean instead, ignoring my presence completely, Rude. I sighed and sat down next to her gingerly, trying not to startle her but she remained in the same spot, not moving a muscle nor making a move to look at me. This certainly reminds me of a certain pink-haired girl.
I smiled immediately when I recalled Rosie. The slightly taller girl didn't seem to like me very much and I wondered why that was. Then I recalled how I was annoying both times we've seen each other and it suddenly made sense. And even though she was a bit rude, not that I could really blame her, I smiled whenever I thought of her. Not that I was thinking of her often or anything.
"What do you want?" she asked annoyedly after a while of us being quiet and I recognized that voice straight away. My Rosie.
"Hi, Rosie! What are you doing here?" I asked cheerfully. She definitely made my mood a whole lot better which was weird considering I should probably be feeling hurt over the annoyed tone of her voice. But I was happy I found her. I mean, I wasn't looking but yeah, I'm glad she was there. I often lied to myself, tortured myself, by making myself believe I wanted to be alone and not seek anyone's attention. But her being here gave me the perfect opportunity to not be alone, to talk to someone without looking for anyone. Besides something told me she wouldn't be asking questions about me so I could just forget my thoughts from moments ago.
Instead of saying anything, she stood up and dusted off her jeans. She was leaving. I hung my head low and sighed in disappointment. Oh well, so much for happiness. I was going to be alone again.
She started walking and I heard her steps growing distant until I didn't hear them anymore. Why did she dislike me so much? Did I hurt her in any way? I mean yeah, I was being an ass but this girl seemed to hate my guts. This sucks. Why did I care anyway, it's not like I knew her or anything. But for some reason, she was on my mind constantly and I was a little sad at her cold behavior towards me. Maybe it was better this way.
"Why do you look so...sad? Or is it disappointment?" I turned my head abruptly, following the sound of the voice. She didn't leave, she just stopped walking and here I thought she was long gone.
I decided I would be honest with her, jokes aside, I didn't want her to leave. I turned my head back to the ocean before speaking.
"Why are you leaving? I didn't come to annoy you, you know." I stated sadly without looking at her.
This time she sighed and sat back down. I turned to her, my eyes full of surprise. I thought she'd leave. Why would she stay? I didn't think telling her didn't come to annoy her would actually work and change her mind. I thought she hated me. This girl certainly gave me a whiplash.
"What do you want Lisa?" she asked, her voice sounding tired. If I wasn't focused on how tired she sounded I might have appreciated how she acknowledged me by my name for the first time since we met. Not that she could've earlier since she didn't know my name before, but still.
"I just saw you here alone and I was alone too so I thought I'd say hi?" I said simply. I didn't really have an answer. Not for her, not for myself. What did I want, why did I approach her, why did I crave attention from the person who seemed to be annoyed by me simply breathing?
"What if I wanted to be alone?
"No one wants to be alone" I smiled sadly.
She just nodded and resumed her staring at the ocean, not paying me attention anymore.
The both of us just sat there, on the rooftop with the moon shining on us, overlooking the stars. The only sound filling the silence being the dull sound of the music from downstairs and the sound of the ocean waves washing over the sand.
This time the silence didn't make me feel alone anymore. It didn't bring the thoughts I tried to bury deep within out anymore. I was able to relax without a worry in the world. I didn't think about Jungkook or my parents or my feelings. It was just me, Rosie and the starry night.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be downstairs partying or something?" she asked suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence around us.
"Me? Partying" I let out a humorless chuckle, "I don't party. I dislike parties. The only reason I'm here in the first place is because of my best friend."
"Huh, same," she said and I could tell she was surprised by the tone of her voice. I guess she didn't expect someone like me to be the not partying and getting drunk type.
"I'm actually supposed to be looking for this girl but after getting shouted at, getting injured and treating to my puking friend, I had enough," I laughed lightly and looked at Rosie. She had a small smile playing on her lips and I inwardly cheered in victory. I made her smile. A task that seemed pretty impossible.
"So during parties, you just casually disappear into the night and sit on the rooftop? Are you a loser or something?" she asked with a slight cockiness to her voice.
"Must I remind you, you're here too?" I retorted.
"Touché,"
It became quiet again after that. I didn't really know what to say and she didn't look like she planned on striking up a conversation either. For a reason I didn't understand, I wanted her attention, to be her friend. Something about Rosie just pulled me towards her. I was hoping that after tonight's encounter she wouldn't be as cold anymore.
Us being here together obviously didn't mean we were already friends, but I felt like it was on the right track right now. And if she didn't ignore me after this, we could be at least on somewhat friendly terms.
"I'm sorry for annoying you before," I apologized sincerely, "I know it may have given you the wrong impression about me. I'm not an asshole Rosie, I promise. I just...I don't know, wanted to be your friend I guess" I smiled nervously, not that she saw though. Her eyes were glued to the water in front of us.
"You have a bizarre way of making friends" she commented and I couldn't argue. Being annoying really wasn't the best way to make friends, but it was fun, seeing her all worked up. I could say I wouldn't do it again but if we became friends, I would most likely be even more annoying. I just couldn't control it. I loved teasing people.
I didn't know what that meant though. Did she still hate me or not? This woman was so hard to understand.
"Hey," I called for her attention and she turned her head to my direction, "wanna get out of here?"
After she didn't say anything I decided to clarify just so she wouldn't get the wrong impression, "I mean, you don't really want to be here and neither do I."
She stayed silent for a little while, contemplating my offer until she finally nodded her head, putting me out of my anxiety-filled misery.
"Okay,"
My eyes bulged out of their sockets at the unexpected answer. After quickly collecting myself though I sported a wide smile. I got up and offered my hand to her but instead of taking it she got up ignoring it completely. A disbelieving smile played on my lips and I shook my head at the girl. And here I thought she was becoming a little easier.
Both of us carefully walked towards the bathroom window I secured earlier with a towel and crawled through it into the bathroom. Since I left the light in the bathroom on, I could finally see Rosie properly and I noticed the difference in her hair color. It was indeed blonde now, making me think maybe my vision wasn't as bad as I thought it was.
We made our way downstairs to the crowded dance floor and I remembered Jennie and Jisoo. I should probably let them know I didn't find Jisoo's roommate and that I was leaving, I thought.
I turned my head to look behind me at Rosie who was following me and grabbed her hand, ignoring the tingle the contact of our skin sent through me, to get her attention. She looked at me with raised eyebrows and shook her hand out of my grip. Rolling my eyes I shouted at her, trying to make my voice louder than the music, "I have to tell my roommate and her friend that I'm leaving!"
She nodded her head and said something that could've been 'me too' but I wasn't sure.
We were both looking around, standing on our tiptoes trying to see but to no avail. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jungkook walking towards me. I really didn't feel like talking to him, especially not now. Without thinking I grabbed Rosie's hand again and pulled her to the center of the dance floor in hopes of getting lost in the crowd.
I could hear him calling my name from the distance but I ignored it. Once I was further away I let go of Rosie's hand and went back to looking for my friends. Suddenly I felt my body collide with another as a pair of hands settled themselves on my waist, rocking me to the beat of the music. I looked up to see Rosie looking everywhere else other than at me, as she kept me close to her body.
She leaned forward and my eyes widened. Her lips brushed lightly against the shell of my ear as she whispered, "Don't look but he's right behind you, just act natural"
I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding when she pulled back and looked past me to see if he was still close. Once she concluded he was thrown off and went to look somewhere else she let go of me and stepped back, putting some distance between us.
"T-thanks, I really don't feel like talking to him right now," I said and looked up at her to see her avoiding my eyes.
"I could tell. Let's just look for your friends so we can get out of here" she said and I nodded my head in affirmative. I didn't feel like being in this house longer than I had to. All I wanted was to get out of this loud, smoke-filled, confining place.
My eyes searched the area until they finally landed on a familiar figure. She was dancing with someone a few feet away from us. I walked towards her, trying to bump into as little people as possible.
What the fuck?!
My jaw was hanging open, my eyes were wider than ever before at the sight before me. I thought Jennie was finally making moves on one of the hot guys throwing themselves at her and instead I see this. Jennie had her hands placed on some girl's waist gripping onto it tightly as she moved her body seductively to the music. I could see the other girl's hands pulling her closer by the neck, their lips brushing against each other but not enough for them to kiss.
The other girl ground herself on Jennie, making the latter move her hands from her waist to her ass. She then tilted her head so she could plant kisses on the girl's neck and I thought I was going to collapse out of shock when she did. As a result of Jennie moving her head to the side, I finally got a glimpse of the other woman. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly opened as Jennie sucked on her neck. On Jisoo's neck.
Jennie is gay?!
I couldn't move my body an inch, let alone speak. My best friend was gay and was making out with no one other than Jisoo right in front of my eyes.
Rosies' voice brought me out of my thoughts as she forcefully pulled the two girls apart, "Get a room would you?"
Jisoo looked at Rosie obviously displeased and rolled her eyes, "Where have you been Chaeng? I was getting worried"
Chaeng? Wasn't her name Roseanne? Didn't Jisoo say that name when she couldn't join us for breakfast that one time?
"Yeah, obviously you were extremely worried," Rosie smirked at Jisoo, resulting in the black-haired girl's face grew red. The color of her face changed from red to crimson when she turned her head towards me.
"O-Oh, hi Lisa," she said somewhat awkwardly, "I see you found my roommate," at the mention of my name, Jennie turned around mirroring my shocked expression from moments ago.
Well, this is awkward.
"Anyways Lisa, Jennie this is Chaeyoung. My roommate"
Rosie is Jisoos roommate?! And her name is Chaeyoung?! I was utterly confused by these new revelations.
"Hi," Jennie waved, confidence beaming out of her, "I'm Jennie. I hope that idiot didn't give you much trouble," she motioned over to me and if I wasn't still recovering from these shocking revelations I'd surely argue.
After Rosie introduced herself she turned to Jisoo again, "Anyways, I came to tell you I'm leaving. You guys have fun, I'll see you at the dorm? Or will you be spending your night elsewhere?" she smirked when Jisoo turned red again.
"I'm leaving too Jen. Will you be able to get home okay?" I asked since we both arrived in my car. She assured me she would be okay and after we said our goodbyes, I and Rosie made our way out of the house.
I pulled my car key out of the pocket of my jeans and pressed the unlocking button once we neared the car, making its lights flash. The slightly taller girl looked over at me in question but didn't say anything, as I opened the car door and got in.
Once we were both settled in the car, I turned the key in the ignition, bringing the car to life with a roar of the engine. I put my seatbelt on and looked to the right at the girl sitting next to me. Reaching over her chest, we locked eyes and she was about to say something but the sound of the seatbelt clicking beat her to it.
"Safety first," I gave her a cheeky grin causing her to roll her eyes. I noticed she did that a lot. Did I annoy her that much? I dismissed the negative thought though when I saw her battling a smile that was tugging on the corner of her lips.
"So where to?" she asked and looked at me curiously.
I tapped my chin in thought and stayed silent for a minute or two, contemplating our destination. After a while of thinking, I turned my head towards the girl who was looking at me expectantly.
"I know just the place"
-
A/N: Merry Christmas guys! I decided to update even though I don't update on days other than Sunday as my gift to you, my lovely readers <3 I hope you're enjoying the story so far and fair warning, buckle up because this is going to be one heck of a slow burn ;)