"Of course I like him, I mean he's nice and fun to be with, plus he lets me swim at their pool." I said, sounding a bit oblivious to what Perry really meant.
"That's not it." Perry said seriously. "Do you like him not as a friend, but..." Perry paused and looked at me. "You know what I mean, Kyle. So, do you?"
I looked back at Perry and our eyes met. We both fell silent and the room was filled with a slightly heavy air.
You're wrong Perry, I just don't like Nico, but I love him. I am in love with him.
I wanted to say that, but I was too much of a coward. "I do." That was my short reply.
"I see." Perry replied. "So are you...?" He asked hesitantly. The atmosphere in my room became a bit awkward. I know Perry was trying his best to be understanding, but I also know that it was not an easy thing to understand, well, not for all people.
I knew exactly what Perry was trying to ask. "No... I don't know... All I know is that I like Nico... I mean, I don't see any other boys attractive... it's just Nico..."
"So you really like him..." Perry sighed. "You realize that Nico is straight, don't you?"
"I know that. Besides, it's not like I have any plans on pursuing this impossible feeling." I sighed back. "To tell you the truth, I'm afraid that I feel this way, I am really afraid. I tried fighting it, you know, but I guess you can't fight such feelings that easily. It became even harder when Nico became my friend."
"Liking someone is never easy, Kyle. Trust me, I know..." Perry said.
"Mmm... is liking Claire really that difficult?" I asked in a serious tone.
"Well..." Perry replied and I grinned at him. "No, that's not what I mean!" Perry protested. "I don't like her, not at all." He denied even though he was flushing red.
I laughed, Perry laughed, and in that moment I realized that Perry is a true friend. Things never became awkward after that, nothing changed, Perry is still a good friend as always, there was never a moment where I felt that Perry was treating me differently. If there's one thing that changed though, it was that the feeling in my heart became a lot lighter. Sharing your secrets, telling it to your friends really does make someone feel a lot better.
The Bellard's company, Grand Bell Conglomerate, would celebrate their anniversary in three days, and I was starting to have doubts about attending it. I feel like I would stick out like a sore thumb in that party.
"Nico..." I called Nico as our Calculus teacher was busy writing on the board. "About the party this weekend..." I said hesitantly. Telling Nico I was having doubts was not easy at all, he did trouble himself for inviting me, practically a stranger to him. I feel bad for turning him down.
"What about it?" Nico asked as he looked at me.
"I don't think I can come..." I said and then instantly felt guilty after seeing Nico's confused expression.
"Ehhh...? Why not?" Nico looked so disappointed, I don't know how to tell him my petty reason.
"I don't have anything to wear." I said, not being able to think of any good reason. Why did I say that? There's many reasons that I can give, so does it have to be that? That sounds even pettier than my real reason. Ahh, really...
Nico stared at me and then smirked. "Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it." He said. "Come to my place later." He said with a little smile.
I'm such an idiot. I should've thought of some more complicated reason. The more I think about of being amongst those rich people, the more nervous I get.
At first, I had no idea what Nico was thinking for telling to come by at their house, but then I found out that he hired a tailor to custom make my coat and tie.
We were in Nico's room, it was not my first time there, but the feeling I get by being there was still the same. It made me nervous and yet very excited.
I was in front of the mirror while the tailor was getting my measurements, Nico was on the other side of the room sitting on a chair while reading a thick book. Nico loves reading a lot, his room was practically filled with books in every corner.
After a few minutes of taking my sizes, the tailor talked to Nico and then took his leave.
"There, your coat and tie would be done on Saturday. You should come by here in the afternoon, and then you can go to the party with my family in the evening." Nico said with a satisfied smile on his face as he closed the book he was reading.
"No... can't I just get the clothes in the morning, and then I'll just follow to the party in the evening?" I suggested instead. Going to the party with the Bellard's would be really embarrassing. It's not like I'm a close family friend either.
"No, you're going with us." Nico said firmly as he crossed his legs.
"But..." I protested.
"What's wrong with that? You're already coming to the party, so why not go with us? It would save you time and energy." Nico argued. He was persistent and I just felt like I can argue with him all day long, but I still wouldn't win.
"It's just that..." It doesn't seem appropriate. I don't feel like I deserve a special treatment. Nico and I just met a week ago, and yet he invited me to that important party and even had something for me to wear made. To go that party with the Bellards was simply too much.
"What's this? Are you still trying to argue with me" Nico asked in a very firm tone. I looked at him and saw that he had a very serious expression on his face. His eyes were sharp... it was intimidating.
"No..." I said, finally admitting defeat. "Then, I'll come by Saturday afternoon..." I sighed.
"Great!" Nico said, sounding very happy. His expression changed as well, he was smiling really brightly. Why is he smiling like that? Why does he sound so happy over such a thing? Finally, I can understand how Perry felt, I can finally see why he was so suspicious of Nico's intentions.
There are many times that I tried so hard to find reasons for his behavior, but never found any answer. I'm not stupid, I know that there's a reason, a greater reason for Nico's behavior. There's simply no way anyone would be this friendly, this kind to someone they just met. I'm being paranoid, I know, but still I wanted to know. Deep inside my heart, I was hoping that Nico was being nice to me because he likes me... the same way that I like him.
Saturday came and I went to the Bellards' home in the afternoon. The whole family was busy preparing and the maids were the only ones walking around the house when I arrived. I was told that Nico was waiting for me in his room, so I went straight there.
I was actually already pretty nervous at that moment. Perry told me to relax and just enjoy the party, after all, Nico, the man I like invited me there. He's right, I should enjoy the party, but how exactly would I do that? I've never been in such a high class party, I don't know how things go around those kinds of events.
Nico was in front of the mirror with only his slacks, he was naked from the waist up. The sight of Nico's naked torso, his sturdy chest, his chiseled abs, his arms, and all of his defined muscles, sent me to overdrive. My heart started to race, I couldn't take my eyes off him at all. It's difficult to admit, but I really think that Nico is very sexy, and seeing him like that, well... it made me excited.
"Drew." Nico turned and smiled at me. I could clearly see his body and it made my heart race even faster. Nico walked to his bed and wore the shirt neatly placed on top of it. I was still in a trance, staring at his naked torso. "What are you doing there? Come in." Nico asked as he looked at me. "Here, it's done." He said with a smile as he showed me the box containing the clothes I would wear.
"Wow..." was the only thing I could say when I saw what's inside. The slacks, the coat, the shirt, the tie, everything simply looked very expensive. Suddenly, I was having doubts whether I should accept it or not.
"What are you waiting for? Put it on!" Nico urged. He took the box from the bed and then handed it to me. "Hurry..." He said as he pushed me inside his walk-in closet.
Nico checked on me again after a few minutes, I was just done tucking my shirt on and Nico practically forced me to show him how I look. "What's the rush?" I complained as Nico pulled me out. Nico was already wearing his shirt neatly, the only things missing in his outfit was the coat and tie.
"You already have your shirt on..." He sighed.
"What?"
"Nothing... come here, I have something to give you." He said as he made me sit on the edge of his bed. Nico took a box under his bed and handed to me. "Wear this to the party." He said as he opened the shoe box.
"Nico, this is too much..." I said, feeling guilty about everything that I was receiving from him. "That pair of shoes look really expensive, I can't wear those. I mean, you've already have a pair of coat and tie tailored for me." I declined guiltily.
"Nonsense." Nico said. "This pair would go perfectly with what you're wearing, I personally picked them. I just hope that I got the right size."
"But..."
"Are you going to wear these or do I need to put them on to you myself?" Nico asked as he held the box in front of me and raised an eyebrow.
"Fine, I'll wear them." I said as I took the box from him and wore the shoes. I wore the shoes and tried walking on them.
"So, how's the fit?" Nico asked as he watched me.
"It's a perfect fit." I replied shyly.
"That's a relief..." Nico sighed and then smiled. "It looks like I really know." He added. "Come here, I'll help you with your tie." He offered.
"No, I can..." Nico shot me a serious look. I realized that he wasn't really offering to help me, instead he was simply letting me know in advance that he would help me. Really, the more time I spend with him, the more I realize that Nico is really a species of his own.
Nico is really nice, and I haven't really seen him angry, but I could tell that he's really scary when he gets angry, that's why I am very careful not to piss him off. I feel like Nico would save me if I'm in trouble, but I'll get in trouble if I decline that help. He's a prince, and yet a dictator. A savior who gives you no choice but to accept his help. He's interesting in that way.
When I walked towards Nico, he was already holding the tie that I would wear. "Alright, stand still. I'll do this swiftly." He said with a small smile as he put the tie around my neck. Having Nico that close to me, was really messing up my thoughts and heartbeat. I feel like I was going crazy.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked him meekly. Maybe I did really go crazy, I had no idea why I suddenly asked Nico that.
"What, helping you put a tie on?" He asked with a smirk.
"Why are you so nice to me?" I asked. I don't know what came to me at that moment, I just felt a sudden urge to ask him. It's just that, Nico's action was starting to really get to me. It's not like I really wanted to know, in fact, I was really scared of the truth.
"Drew, you really don't know?" Nico replied as he finished tying the tie around my neck. I never expected that kind of reply from Nico. I was expecting that he would shrug off the question with joke or with a laugh, but he didn't, instead, Nico looked and sounded very serious.
I couldn't look at him.
I was too scared.
I was too confused.
I shook my head in reply.
"Then let me show you why." He said as he pulled me closer by the tie. My eyes met his and my heart pounded relentlessly. Slowly, Nico's hand moved from my tie to my cheek. Gently, Nico rubbed my cheek with his thumb.
The sensation sent electricity throughout my body.
I shivered.
My hair raised.
My heart stopped.
It was such a sweet gesture that it confused me greatly.
Slowly Nico moved closer and closer, and as he does time slowed down for me. Everything around me just disappeared, and the two of us were the only ones left.
Was I dreaming? Was I imagining things? I could feel Nico's breath, I could feel his touch burning my skin, I could hear his voice, but everything felt so surreal. "Drew." Nico called in a very gentle voice as he lifted my chin with his other hand. Nico was looking down at me with such alluring eyes, I couldn't look away at all. "This is my answer." He said and then moved even closer.
Suddenly, a knock came to his door. "Sir Nico, Madam said you should go down if you're done dressing up." A maid said.
"We should go down..." I said as I pulled away from Nico. I'm not stupid, I'm not that dense either, I knew what was going to happen if the maid didn't interrupt. I should've felt happy, I shouldn't have pulled away, but that moment I was simply too scared and too confused.
"We'll continue this later." Nico said seriously and then sighed. "What a great timing..." He murmured.
Can I be right? Does Nico really feel that way towards me? He's not just making fun of me, is he? But what if I was wrong, what if I just misunderstood his actions? Is that why he's so nice to me, why he's treating me differently than others, because he's interested in me as well?
That idea should've been enough to make me happy, but instead it scared and worried me even more. If we do like each other, what would happen next, what would we do? I was scared of that. I never had an experience in love before, and I never imagined that there's a possibility that my first experience could be with another boy. That thought alone was enough to frighten me to my bones.
We arrived at the hotel and the first thing I did was go to the bathroom. I was so nervous, both about the party and what just happened between Nico and me. When I walked towards the party hall, Nico was outside waiting for me. "Nico..." I said nervously. "Are you going to the restroom too?" I asked awkwardly.
"Are you really going to act that way?" He asked in a serious tone.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"When I was driving, you wouldn't even look at me. You're usually so energetic, but you wouldn't even utter a word. You're acting really weird. Are you trying to avoid me?" Somehow, Nico sounded very impatient.
"It's not that." I said instantly, feeling really guilty. I didn't want Nico to misunderstand. "It's just that, I'm really confused right now. It never occurred to me that..." I looked around us and saw that guest were starting to arrive. Suddenly, I felt really shy and afraid. What if someone hear us talking and figure out everything? What would we do then? What if I was wrong? What if I misunderstood Nico's action? "Nico I..."
"Nico! Come here for a second." Anthony Calix Bellard, Nico's father, called.
"Tsk... Wait here, we're not done yet." Nico said.
My back was turned to Anthony that time. Nico walked passed me and I turned around. My heart stopped when I saw who was beside Nico's father. "What are you doing here, Dad?"
I turned back around instantly, I didn't want my Dad to see me there. I wasn't ready for that. I was afraid of confronting him, I wasn't ready to talk to him, but what I was most afraid of was the possibility that he might just ignore me altogether.
"Nico, this is my new business partner Daniel Stevenson, Daniel this is my son, Jovan Niccolo." Nico's father said.
"Stevenson...?" Nico asked, he sounded curious.
"Is something wrong?" Nico's father asked.
"No, it's just that his last name sounds very familiar." Nico said.
"Ahhh. You must've heard about him in the news, Mr. Stevenson is the new President of Crown Robins Publishing." Anthony explained.
"I see." Nico said. "Nice to meet you Mr. Stevenson."
"Likewise." Dad said. "You look a lot like your father." He added.
"Isn't he a handsome young lad?" Anthony boasted and then laughed.
Dad laughed as well. I miss hearing that laugh, and somehow hearing that again broke my heart. I don't know what kind of joke the universe was playing at me. I met Nico at the lake after I lost Dad, then I saw Dad again after getting close to Nico.
My Dad and Nico, I feel like those two man in my life would forever be intertwined, that somehow my fate with one would decide my fate with the other.
I realize something as well, that if I continue to get close to Nico, down the road my Dad and I would cross path again. Whether I hate or like the idea, I still didn't know. All I know is that I wasn't ready to meet Dad again, his abandonment was still fresh to me, the pain and the scar... I could still feel it in my heart.
"You should think about having a son of your own as well." Anthony said. Hearing that stopped my heart.
He does have a son. A son that he abandoned, a son that he hurt, a son that suffered because of him. And for what? That woman? His ambition?
"I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Having a son is not on my list of priorities just yet." Dad said. Those words stabbed in the heart, they were poison that was slowly eating me alive. It was as if he's saying that I was mistake, that he's regretting having me.
My whole body was trembling at that moment. I was feeling a mixture of hatred and sorrow. My heart felt really heavy, it hurts. It hurts really badly. Tears were starting to form in my eyes, but I won't cry, I won't cry because of Dad anymore.
Staying in that place was only tearing me apart, so I decided to leave. I was still trembling as I clenched my fist and walked away. Every step I make felt heavy, I felt like I was going to faint any second.
I reached the empty elevator. All I could think about was leaving that place. The elevator door was about to close, but then a hand stopped it. "I told you to wait for me, so where are you going?!" Nico asked angrily as the elevator door opened again.
"Nico... I..." I said as I looked at Nico. Tears were forming in my eyes and my chest felt stuffier and heavier.
Without saying anything, Nico's expression mellowed as he pulled me closer for a tight hug. "I know... You don't have to say anything..."
"You know?" I asked as I looked up to him.
"That's your Dad, right?" He said as he hugged me tighter. "You can cry if you want, I'll stay with you." He said.
"No..." I said as I pushed Nico gently away. "You can't stay with me."
"Drew..." Nico was confused.
"I think we should stop being friends for now. Let's stop seeing each other and part ways here." Saying those words were really painful for me, but I had no choice.
"What did you say?" Nico asked. "How can you even say that? Is it because of what I did in my room? Is that it? Do you hate me now?"
"No... it's not that..."
"Then why?! Why can't we be friends anymore?!" Nico sounded impatient. He held me by the shoulders and then pushed me against the glass wall of the elevator. I don't know exactly what Nico did, but he pressed something on the elevator.
"Because of my Dad. I don't want to have any connections with him, not just yet. The pain he caused is still fresh in my heart. I thought I was over it, but every time I see him, the pain would return. Your Dad and my Dad are now connected, if we continue to be friends, then I would surely cross path with my Dad again."
"So you're running away." He looked at me sharply as he chided. "Is that the only thing you know, to run away from anything that you don't want to face? When things get difficult for you, you run away." He said in condescending tone.
"Then what should I do?! You want me to face him, to confront him, is that it?!" I lashed out at him. It was the first time that I ever felt impatient towards Nico. My emotions were just so high and so mixed at that time, that I couldn't control myself anymore.
"Yes! What can running away solve?! Aren't you tired of running away from him?!"
"You don't get it! I'm not that good of a person, it's either I ran away or fight until I win."
"You don't have to fight him, just talk to him."
"I can't. My heart is still full of pain, there's no way I can talk calmly to him."
"Then fight and win."
"I don't want to, because I'll only end up hurting my Dad. I don't want to hurt him, he's still my Dad, I still love him... That's why I'll run away instead." I said. My chest was starting to be filled with more sorrow.
"Fine, run away from him, but you don't have to run away from me too." Nico argued.
"I told you already, I don't want..."
"You started everything, I won't let you run away just like that! You have to see things through the end!" Nico said angrily as he his grip on my shoulders tightened.
"What are you talking about? How did I start everything?!" I asked him back impatiently as I pushed him away.
"I don't know if you really can't remember or you're just pretending not to..." Nico said in a lot calmer tone. "During school break, my family and I went to the country to have summer vacation, I found a lake in the middle of the forest one night. I tried to swim but the I miscalculated the depth of water and ended up drowning. I thought that it was my end and that I would die there, but someone saved me."
I clenched my fist as Nico told the story. He remembers... Just how much could he remember? Does he know that I stole a kiss from him? What should I do? How can explain it to him?
"By the look in your face, I could tell that you remember." Nico said and smiled poignantly. "You saved me Drew, but you ran away. When I regained consciousness, the last thing I saw was your face close to mine, but all of a sudden you started running away."
He doesn't know...
He had no idea what I did to him that night...
That I took advantage of his situation.
That I stole a kiss from him.
"Everything started then, and I won't let it end here, like this." He said and then pushed me back on the glass wall.
"Nico, that... I..."
"Tell me, why did you pretend not to know me?" He asked while looking at me straight in the eyes. I couldn't look back at him, and I did my best to avoid his eyes.
"What should've I done then? Should've I approached you and say 'Hey, I saved your form drowning that night, nice to see you again, alive and kicking'? Should I've done that instead?" I asked him in a sarcastic tone. "Besides..." I was afraid that you might remember what I've done that night. "I didn't know if you wanted anyone to know what happened to you that night, I don't even know if you recognize me."
"Smartass..." Nico said and moved closer to me. His face was so close and he continued on moving closer. I could feel his breath on my face and it made my heart jump. "What's wrong?" He asked as I pushed him slightly away. "You hate it... I was wrong... you don't feel that way for me after all."
Nico looked and sounded very disappointed. He seemed so hurt. It was never my intention to hurt him by pushing him away. It's just that my heart was racing so fast with him so near that I felt like my heart would explode.
"Drew..." Nico called. "Do you hate me now...?" He asked as he looked at me with such gentle eyes.
"No! I like you!" I suddenly blurted out.
"What did you say?" Nico asked, he looked surprised.
"That... What I mean is..." I tried explaining, I was so nervous at that moment.
"Stop... that's all I need to need to hear." Nico said with a smile as he moved his lips closer to mine.
I tried running away from it, but I never stood a chance form the very beginning. I would've kept on running if Nico didn't made me realize that I was already trapped. Somehow the universe had successfully managed to put me in an elaborate trap called love. I'm not complaining though, because it's the sweetest trap any man could experience.