Dianne rolled from her bed into the shower, one bleak October morning. Nothing in her could be bothered to walk downstairs so she had opted to tie her hair up and not wash it, for the sake of Joe's grout.
"Have you eaten?" Joe asked her, when he got up for the loo and found her sat on the floor head in hands. She shook her head and smiled slightly when he pulled the towel around her more and put another across her shoulders. "Can you eat?" He asked, once he had used the bathroom, eyes not leaving her.
"I don't know," she sighed.
"You stay here and I'll get you a little bit of toast and some decaf coffee," Joe said, lifting her head off her knees to kiss her.
In the time he was gone, Dianne dizzily stood up, grabbed a dressing down and sat back down, everything inside her felt like it was still asleep or performing daring feats of acrobatics. She wrapped herself up and lay down on the floor, so glad Joe had installed a heated floor when he moved in.
"You poor thing, come on, come here," he said, scooping her into his arms, food back by the bed.
"I feel so weak," she sighed, curling into him, as the room around her spun.
"I know, are you still dizzy?" He asked, assuming that's why she was in the floor in the first place. She nodded and snuggled into him.
"Maybe you should take today off love, catch up tomorrow," Joe suggested, as he rubbed her back gently.
"No I'll be alright, I just need to have something to eat and I'll be fine," she said, reassuring herself as much as him.
Joe didn't reply, instead lifting her up, back to the bed. He cuddled her into his side and passed her the plate with a singular plain piece of toast. That was all he knew she could handle.
"Everyone I've spoken to said it should go when I eat," Dianne told him, sipping the weak tea he had made her.
"I looked it up and I'd agree, lots of people have something by their bed that they eat before they wake up, maybe we could do that. A little cracker or something," Joe suggested, pulling her work out clothes out of the laundry, glad he hadn't taken her stuff back downstairs.
"Yeah, I'm hoping this goes away soon, but I'm not sure it will, it gets harder every week," Dianne said, taking another small bite.
"What does, the sickness or the competition?" Joe asked, putting a deodorant and some moisturiser next to the clothes he had picked out.
"Competition, the sickness should be gone in another 6 weeks. Maybe less. Hopefully less," Dianne laughed weakly, leaving half of the piece of bread, reaching for her clothes.
"Hopefully, I love you darlin," Joe said kissing her head.
"At least we know something's going on, I'm happy for the crappy," Dianne said making Joe burst out laughing.
"You're incredible," he laughed, tilting her head to kiss him.
"Will you come in with me? It's just pros," Dianne asked, as she got dressed. It was taking all her effort to do just that, so having Joe with her might be quite useful.
"Yes, I'm just going to have a shower, don't faint on me," he said, kissing her forehead.
~~~
"It's weird isn't it," Dianne said to Joe as they were walking from the cab to the studio.
"You might have to give me a little bit more honey," he said, putting an arm around her shoulder.
"Like you're so happy and excited and then reality hits and you feel like shit," she elaborated.
"Yeah, it's frustrating, but at least it's temporary," Joe commented, squeezing his shoulder. They fell into a silence as soon as they got close to the people, this wasn't a conversation you had with people near by.
"Di! How are you, you were a bit of an emotional wreck on Saturday," Oti said, pulling her into a hug.
"Alright yeah, that song and routine just hit me. And seeing him so proud as well," Dianne said, referring to her dance partner. She was lucky, he seemed to be a favourite and they were storming ahead, especially because he was so committed to the cause.
"Little softy you've made her Joe," Oti joked nudging him.
"Tell me about it," Joe said, not taking his hand from her, just moving it to her back. He always felt a need to be holding her close on mornings like this.
~~~
Joe felt his phone buzz, as he watched Dianne dance. Reassured that she was doing okay, so he stood and answered it as he left the studio, throwing a glance back to Dianne who was preparing for a spin sequence. It turned out to be a work call about a clause for Margravine and he resolved it in a few minutes. As he was pocketing his phone, Giovanni rushed out of the studio.
"Joe, Dianne," he just pointed back at the studio, out of breath. Joe understood and rushed back in, finding a huddle of people around the spot where Dianne had been when he left. He walked forward, calmly, and crouched down next to her. "Did you faint little one?" He asked, stroking her hair.
She was laying with her head on Neil's lap, as Amy held her legs up. The two of them ran dance schools and it wasn't the first time they had had someone faint. Both of them had kicked in the minute she had uncontrollably wobbled.
"Hey it's okay, you're fine," he said, rubbing her arm, as she started to cry.
"See didn't I say AJ would have a gel in his bag," Amy said, as AJ returned with a sugar gel for her.
"Oh no, a bouncy dot, what are we going to do?" Joe joked as he opened it for her. Neil lifter her head a bit more, as Joe emptied it into her mouth.
"Do you think she needs a medic?" Janette asked.
"No, she's fine, not the first time this has happened eh baby?" Joe said, as she lay back on Neil's leg, eyes closed. Dianne shook her head and took hold of Joe's hand.
"Thanks guys," Joe said, as he stroked Dianne's sweaty hair.
"No problem, we can't just leave you behind can we Di?" Amy joked, patting her leg.
"I don't think I can do spins," Dianne said looking at Joe, positively green still.
Joe bent down and whispered, "do you want to tell them, then they can help?"
When she nodded he looked at Amy, Neil, AJ and Janette, who were all stood around her, the rest had dispersed. "We know why this has happened," Joe said and he couldn't help the smile, "Dianne's pregnant."
"Oh my gosh, congrats Chick," Janette whispered, patting Dianne's arm.
"I knew you were, oh I'm so happy for you," Amy said squeezing her foot again. Amy had actually suggested it to Dianne when she had started feeling so crap but Dianne had been caught up in the excitement and then nausea she had forgotten to tell Amy.
"We can adapt the choreo," Neil said, he was choreographing the dance so it wouldn't be any trouble.
"See, look at that, you've got all your support. What do you want to do now?" Joe asked, massaging her temple.
"Can we tell everyone else and then figure something out, I feel way better but I think everyone needs to know before I carry on," Dianne said, making Amy put her legs down.
"Yep, ready to sit up?" Joe asked. He was really thankful everyone was there helping, it had been much harder when she had done it the day before and he was alone. She nodded and held onto Joe's and AJ's arms as they righted her slowly. Neil kept his hand behind her but she didn't wobble once, feeling better than she had the last couple of days.
"There she is, had us scared there Di!" Oti called over.
"Don't do things by halves do I? Actually can you all come over, producers everyone, Joseph and I need to tell you something," Dianne said, as she stood and Joe wrapped her up.
"There's another strictly baby on their way, it's early but I might try and pull a stunt like that again so I wanted to let you know," she said, beaming up and Joe. He kissed her head and his hand floated to her belly, resting there.
There were so many congratulations, and the pair knew they had made the right decision telling them.
"Due date?" Karren asked once everyone had had their hug.
"No idea, we only found out last week. I tried to work it out and I think it will be sometime in May," Joe said, kissing her forehead.
"Right, so we'll say 10 more minutes on the break and Dianne we'll have a chat with you, Joe and Neil," one of the producers said. They had dealt with pregnancy before so knew the gist of it all.
"So firstly, do you want to keep competing?" She asked, as they sat down in a far corner.
"Yes, the sickness goes away after half 9, 10 o'clock, I'm fine to carry on, I've spoken to a midwife and everything," Dianne rushed out, omitting the fact that it was Joe who asked the midwife weather she'd still be able to dance.
"Perfect, you need to get yourself an appointment as soon as possible so we can figure out the details. I presume Danny doesn't know," Dianne shook her head, she wanted to keep it to close friends and family.
"What feels right and what doesn't Dianne, what do you not want to do?" Neil asked, trying to gauge how much he would need to alter the dance.
"Maybe not so many spins, I just get quite dizzy," Dianne said, everything else they had done, including a small lift had felt fine but as soon as they got into the pivot and spin section it was endgame.
"Okay, well I'm dancing with you so you can just say if it's not working," Neil said and hurried off to figure out some move changes.
"Are you happy, alright with everything?" Joe asked, as the producers were talking. He had got Dianne her water bottle to sip.
"Yeah, I wanted to keep it quiet but I've realised if I'm going to be like this a lot I wouldn't be able to hide it. I just hope we don't lose it," Dianne said quietly, and Joe could see unshed tears at the brim of her lashes.
"Hey Darlin', let's not think like that, you do what your body feels is right, and it will all fall into place. If you decided tomorrow you didn't want to carry on, that would be fine, don't cry gorgeous," Joe said, pulling her into him, teasing her scalp as she cried into her shoulder.
"We didn't mean for it to happen and I'm so worried," Dianne cried.
"I know, but your body is incredible and adaptable and we'll be okay. Do you want to go for a little walk or a lie down maybe?"
"No I'm okay, kiss?" She asked, pouting her lip, wiping her eyes. Joe laughed and complied, helping her wipe her eyes as he did.
"You two are too much to handle, oh I'm so bloody happy," AJ said, as he walked past them.
///
"Are you sure?" Joe asked, as he read over the email again.
"I don't exactly have a choice do I? The doctor said, well you know, I need to stop," she said, trying hard not to cry again.
"I know, I'm sorry," Joe said, kissing her head again. "This is just awful to watch. I'm so so sorry baby, so sorry."
"Hey, we have to do the best for bean, they need to get here safe and if that means I can't dance and I pull out due to injury then so be it," Dianne said, rubbing her belly. She and Joe had been to visit the doctor that day. It was a Monday and she had taken the rest of the day as a sick day, trying to mull over some new information. The doctor had told them that Dianne had a pretty high chance of miscarrying due to a low hormone level and the appearance of a poor placental attachment. This meant she had been advised to undertake bedrest and have daily hormonal injections. And unfortunately bedrest does not equal dancing 6 days a week.
She had instantly decided she couldn't carry on but didn't want Danny to have to forfeit. And so here they were emailing the producers to let them know what had happened.
"Just send it Joe, I'm due an injection soon."
"I know, I just want you to know that I love you and no one will blame you. There might be some people who are unhappy until they find out why, but those that matter to us won't mind, okay?" Joe said, after he had sent it.
"I mean put it this way, if I'm not advised to walk for more than 10 minutes, how would I ever dance," Dianne said, as Joe started to get the stuff ready. He had been shown how to do it but it was still scaring him half to death. He prepped the injection on the kitchen counter out of her eyeline.
He could see her begin to cry so he passed her the ultrasound saying, "let's just focus on bean then."
"Yes, you'll tell we when you're doing it right?" Dianne asked, looking at the picture, so she didn't see the tiny needle Joe about to put in her belly.
"Of course I will, boy or girl?" He asked, cleaning her stomach.
"Girl, apparently you get sick more with girls," Dianne said, stroking her thumb over the baby on the scan.
"Ready?" He asked, pinching the tiny bit of extra skin she had on her belly. Dianne nodded and it was over as quick as he started. "You can't move for 20 minutes now, you need to lie flat, and you've got a vitamin and some symptom relieving pills to have, do you want them now?" Joe asked kissing her stomach before pulling her top back down.
"Yeah, Joe, you're going to have to remember for me, my brain's bad at the worst of times and now there's a baby and I remember Annie had the worst baby brain." Dianne said, resting her hands on her belly. She had nothing of a bump yet and the doctor said it would be quite a few weeks before it became noticable but Joe's kiss was making it feel real.
"Course I will, do you want to tell your viewers first about pulling out of the show or do you just want to go a bit radio silent?" Joe asked, passing her 3 tablets.
"What would we tell them was wrong? We've just said release to the press and other contestants that I've pulled out due to injury. She said, once she had taken them, thankful she was doing this with Joe.
"Maybe just do a little, I'm okay thanks for the support joby, then you don't give too much away," Joe suggested, sitting next to her feet so he could massage them.
"Can we not talk about this n-now," Dianne asked, she could feel herself getting emotional. She wasn't doing okay, like Joe had suggested she tell their fans. Her emotions weren't being helped by her feeling ill. On top of the morning sickness, she was squeamish with needles and everytime she thought about losing the baby she had to choke down the vomit.
"I'm sorry baby," Joe said, kissing her softly, before returning to her feet.
"Every time I think about it, it makes me want to vomit," she told him.
"You can talk about it when you like okay, let's watch a film, I'll call the parents tomorrow."
~~~
"How's she doing Joe?" Rina asked when the call connected. Dianne was fast asleep upstairs but Joe had wanted to ring the Buswells before they tried to call later on.
"We've had some bad news. They said she's high risk for miscarriage. I've got to give her 2 injections a day and she's on bedrest orders basically," Joe told her sadly.
"Oh gosh Joseph, I'm so sorry, how's she doing?" Rina asked, hand over her mouth.
"She's devastated she can't dance and exercise. Nancy's taking over her teaching. But she's just not feeling well either. I think she's feeling worse for being at home. She's thrown up twice today, one right before bed so it's no longer morning sickness. And the whole you might lose your baby despite our best efforts isn't helping her either," Joe explained, trying not to cry.
"Bless you both, oh I'm so sorry Joe," Rina repeated, she could see her daughter's boyfriend getting misty eyed.
"Hey, it's okay, hopefully this will stop it from happening," Joe said, wiping his eyes. He was trying to stay strong for Dianne, she was the one going through this, not him.
"Yes, look, she's probably not going to be able to fly, don't tell her just yet. When you do let her know we'll sort a way for us to see her," Rina voiced what Joe had been thinking.
"I was already thinking about that, you and mark could take our place, come a few days after maybe. But we'll figure that out closer to the time," Joe said, though he was already dead set on bringing her parents over.
"Okay, we'll let you go, thank so calling Joe. Tell her if she wants to ring at any time she can," Rina said, and Joe saw Mark in the background.
"Will do, bye guys," he said and waved until Rina had hung up.
"Joey, is that you?" Dianne asked when he walked into the bedroom.
"Hi honey, can I get you anything?" Joe asked, crouching down on her side of the bed.
"Something to eat, I feel so ill," Dianne said, rubbing her chest feeling the sick rising.
"Here, a biscuit," Joe said, taking one from the bedside table. He reached for the washing up bowl that had become pride of place in their bedroom. "Sit up and sip some water gorgeous," he said, holding a bottle for her.
"I don't like chicken anymore," Dianne groaned, as she relaxed, having finally stopped being ill.
"Okay, all done?" Joe asked, wiping her brow with a wash cloth that he had ready for her. She had been having hot flushes so it had become essential.
"Yeah, I'm starting to wonder how one human can throw up so much," Dianne told him, as he walked to the bathroom.
"It's not too bad, I think it will get better when the anti-nausea kicks in. Ginger is good as well, we'll figure it out," Joe said, getting back in next to her, bucket landing on the floor on her side.
"Hopefully," she said and snuggled into him, wishing mint wasn't making her feel ill too, as she could really do with getting the taste from her mouth with something other than water.
"Oh my girl, I'm so sorry this is happening," Joe said, kissing her head.
"Let's just hope she sticks."
///
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By now you will have seen that I have had to pull out of the show due to injury☹ @dannyoliver I've been impressed by your efforts and dancing with you has been amazing you're in safe hands with @nancy_xuxi 👑 will be rooting for you at home 💕💕💕 Thank you for all your well wishes and @joe_sugg thank you for always supporting me loml 🥰
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///
Dianne closed her eyes, as the gel went onto her stomach. She didn't want to look at the screen in case there wasn't a heartbeat. She was hyper aware of Joe's hand running through her hair trying to calm her. The room was silent as they all waited for something. Dianne was hardly breathing with the nerves.
And then suddenly there was a release and tears fell from her eyes, as she heard her baby's heartbeat loud and strong.
"She's there? She's okay?" Dianne asked, shaking hand wiping her eyes.
"Thriving, absolutely where they should be. So you're 9 weeks and your bloods are looking alot better than 2 weeks ago. I want to keep you on this protocol until you are 12 no we'll move it to 13 weeks, so 4 more weeks," she said, passing Dianne and Joe the box of tissues.
"Then what?" Dianne asked, she was terrified of something happening even if she knew the baby was okay.
"You'll be back on a normal 4 week schedule until your third trimester," she said, wiping the gel off.
Dianne nodded but her brain was going crazy with all sorts of worries. Just because the baby was there today, didn't mean it was going to be tomorrow.
"How's your sickness been?" She asked Dianne, measuring all of her vitals, Dianne's heart rate had been too high earlier because she was worried.
"Awful, I think I've thrown up at least once a day since I last saw you," Dianne laughed, leaning on Joe, as her blood pressure was measured, much lower than it was when she was in earlier.
"I'll up your dose. And fainting? You'd done it a couple of times when we saw you. Once here in the office if I recall," her doctor said, taking Dianne's temperature.
"None, but I've felt dizzy a few times. I sort of spend the day with my eyes closed," Dianne explained, as Joe helped her off the bed onto the chair.
"Did we give you vertigo medicine last time?" She asked, noting Dianne's sats.
"No, just the anti-nausea and the vitamins," Joe said, it would be useless to ask Dianne, she just took what he gave her, her brain to fuzzy to think.
"I'll add that onto the prescription then. And the injections are going well? Her levels are looking good," she said, as she typed away and sent a prescription out.
"Yes, she's a trooper that's for sure," Joe said, kissing Dianne's head.
"Are stomach aches normal?" Dianne blurted out, as Joe was helping her with her coat.
"Completely, your organs are having a shift around. Have you looked into any books, they might ease your worries a bit," she suggested, grabbing an information booklet on the best pregnancy and parenting books.
"I can't even open my eyes sometimes," Dianne shook her head, there was no way she'd be able to read.
"I had another patient with similar complaints and she would listen on an audio book five, ten minutes at a time," the Doctor said, as she opened the door for the couple. Joe shook her hand and they left, his arm tightly around her.
"Can Amy come over one evening?" Dianne asked randomly, as they waited for their car.
"If you want, I'll message her tonight and see when she's free. Shall I walk to the chemist later or go on our way back?" Joe asked, finding a bench for them to sit down on. His priorities had become finding a way for Dianne to be closer to the ground and have her resting as much as possible.
"Now, but I'll just sit in the car, I feel knackered," she said, putting her head in his shoulder. Joe frowned and held her close, she was a shell of her usual self. Her face was always either expressionless or teary and always 3 shades paler than normal. He couldn't wait for the second trimester where she'd be feeling a bit better.
"I love you," Joe said into her hair, inhaling her intoxicating scent.
"Love you too."
///
Jessica Dianne Sugg was born 11 weeks early.
The couple, who were yet to announce the pregnancy, shared a picture of the baby in her incubator with the simple caption 'surprise'. It felt fitting for both as baby Jessie had surprised them in many ways.
They picked the name Jessica because it fit Joe's request of nothing too out there but had the hidden meaning of Blessing which the both of them had felt she was.
She came home 7 weeks later and the couple shared her story to the world thankful they had her safely in their arms.
Half liked this one half didn't, there wasn't really an endpoint I could get to. Anyway a lot of you said you liked protective soft Sugg so I thought this story might be quiet a good one to share! Hope you enjoyed xxx