Sigh.
I miss Ashley.
She's been gone for...for eleven hours and I'm going insane.
I miss her voice.
Her scent.
Her smile.
Her eyes.
I think I'll just say that I miss everything about her.
"To see you when I wake up, is a gift I didn't think could be real. To know that you feel the same, as I do, is a Three-fold utopian dream. You do something to me. That I can't explain. So would I be out of line, If I said, I miss you." I sing along with Blink 182.
Yes. I'm back to this again.
Don't judge me.
"Spencer." My mother peeks her head in my room and says. I turn my head to look at her but don't say anything. "I know that Ashley leaving was hard..." She starts and I sigh and roll my eyes.
"I see your picture, I smell your skin on, the empty pillow next to mine. You have only been gone ten days, but already I am wasting away. I know I'll see you again. Whether far or soon. But I need you to know, that I care, And I miss you." I sing, sprawled out on the bed as my mother stands in the doorway.
"Spencer, turn that off." She commands me but in a soft tone.
"Fine." I say and get up to turn my iPod off.
"I know that you're sad, but you can't miss school." She tells me.
"I know. I'll be ready in a minute." I tell her and she wordlessly nods before leaving my room.
I miss, Ashley!
–
"I made you breakfast honey." My mother says to me as I enter the kitchen. "All your favorites." She adds as she places a plate of food in front of me. It really did have all my favorites. Eggs, bacon, pancakes, fruit. I sigh and push the plate away.
"Not hungry." I tell her and she raises a brow.
"Spencer Carlin, eat some breakfast." She says in a motherly tone and I groan before picking up a fork full of pancakes and stuffing them into my mouth. Chewing them in anger as my mother stares at me.
"Happy?" I ask sarcastically, with a mouth full.
"Very. And don't talk with you mouth full." She scolds me before walking around the island and grabbing her bag off the counter. "I'm gonna home late so here's a twenty for pizza." She says giving me a twenty from her wallet. "I love you." She kisses me on the forehead and leaves. I push the plate of food away from me and sigh. Maybe if I just snuck away to South Carolina no one would even notice.
Yeah cause that worked so well the first time.
–
"You can't just mope around all day, Spencer." Madison tells me, as me her and Jade walk towards the school.
"I can and I will." I tell her in a firm tone.
"Well, we wanna do something to cheer you up." Jade says in a peppy voice.
"Hey, there's no peppiness today." I tell her, pointing an accusatory finger at her. "Absolutely none of that, you hear me." I point some more. "I want to be miserable today and if you were a good friend..." I trail off, eyeing both my friends. "...you'd allow me to be just that." I tell them with a head nod.
"Hey bitches." Taylor greets us with a smile, as her and Gabby approach us.
"No smiling." I tell her.
"Huh?" She says raising a brow.
"Spencer wants to be miserable today so she wants us all to act miserable too." Madison speaks up.
"Come again?" Taylor asks, looking from me to Madison.
"Tis true. For her heart aches and longs for her fair maiden, Ashley and-"
"Jade, I swear to God, if you don't shut the fuck up right now..." I trail off, staring her down intently.
She holds her hands up defensively and smiles. "Sorry."
"Spencer don't threaten my girlfriend." Madison says putting a protective arm around Jade.
"You can get it too, bitch." I assure her and all my friends giggle.
I'm dead ass serious though.
"So operation cheer up Spencer is a no go then?" Gabby asks as we all start to walk to class.
"I'm guessing so babe." Taylor says wrapping her arm around Gabby's waist.
"Aye yo, Carlin." I hear a familiar voice call out from behind me. "Hey." Frankie says once she reaches me, wearing one of her best smiles. So not in the mood to be hit on. "Why didn't you text me all week?" She asks me as we all continue to walk to class.
"I'm not in the mood, Frankie." I tell her honestly. She laughs and bumps shoulders with me.
"Wifey was that mad about what happened at the pool party?" She asks and I let out a growl.
"Seriously Frankie, go away." I tell her firmly but she continues to walk with us.
"I'm just saying, if wifey was that mad then she must think I'm competition or something and if she thinks I'm competition then I think it's only fair that I live up to that title." She says in her patented 'sexy' voice.
"Frankie if you don't-"
"I'd not be doing this right now, Frank." Taylor says looking back over her shoulder at us.
"What's the matter?" Frankie asks me, this time in a genuine tone.
"Ashley's gone. Deep depression. Highly aggravated. " All my friends answer at once.
"Ah." Frankie says, moving a little further away from me. "Gotcha."
"So Frankie, you down to hang today?" Taylor asks and I bore holes into her back with my death glare.
"Always. What's going on?" Frankie asks as we all stop walking.
"We're tryna cheer Spencer up." Madison says and Frankie gets a devilish smile on her face.
"How about we ditch and go to my place?" She asks us.
"Ditch school?" Gabby asks, with a bit of shock in her voice.
"Yeah." Frankie nods. "It's the first day back after vacation, what are we really gonna be doing anyways?" Frankie asks with a shrug. All of us look around at each other like we're waiting for someone to tell us how stupid this idea is so we can just continue our journey to class.
"What about your parents?" Taylor asks. Clearly she's down.
"Out of town as usual. And the liquor cabinet is fully stocked. What better why to forget that you're missing Ashley, then to get shit faced?" She turns to me and says. It's really not a bad idea. I'd rather drink my pain away then sit in boring ass class all day and think about missing her.
"I'm down." I say and turn around to walk back to the parking lot. Not really caring if anyone was following me or not. But everyone was. We all took Frankie's truck to her house.
–
"It's stupid, ya know..." I slur out drunkenly, and all my friends nod along with me. We've been at Frankie's house for a little over two hours now. Pretty much drinking our lives away. I think I'm on my ninth crown and coke. "Why does love have to feel like this?" I add and look up to the sky...er ceiling. "Why!?" I shout to no one. Getting a giggle from all my friends.
"Yeah why ceiling?" Frankie says through a laugh.
"Shut up!" I point a finger at her. She pretends to zip her lips then pretends to swallow the key.
"How can you zip your lips..."I slur a bit. "...then swallow the key dummy." I say and all my friends burst into laughter again.
"I'm drunk and you're judging me." Frankie says with a smile.
"What time is it?" Jade asks her girlfriend.
"Eleven-thirty." Madison replies.
"It's eleven-thirty and we're all shit faced." Taylor says pointing to everyone in the room.
"Cheers to not thinking about missing Ashley!" I say holding up my cup.
"Cheers!" All my friends shout, holding up their glasses too.
Who am I kidding?
I still miss her like crazy.
All the alcohol in the world wouldn't change that.